Care to join me in my "Great TV shows they should make, but won't" thread? I'll start.

(218 Posts)
lashingsofbingeinghere Mon 12-Nov-12 15:28:34

"Escape to Cakes in the Attic".

<property porn - tick: baking - tick; antiques - tick>

OTheHugeManatee Mon 12-Nov-12 16:58:08

My Big Fat Gypsy Masterchef - Fake tanned teenagers go head-to-head over who can bake the largest and most sequinned souffle.

Smelly - that desert island idea is genius. grin The other element would be: NO TV cameras, footage - anything - because we don't give a shit. Just the update after 60 years, that would reveal several clusters of bleached bones scattered across the beach - picked clean by vermin and seabirds.

Loobylou222 Mon 12-Nov-12 17:01:57

The only way is out of here- send them all to the jungle but leave them there!

FellatioNelson Mon 12-Nov-12 17:09:12

Lauren Goodger Hosts Question Time.

CSI Dorset - detectives try moodily and with lots of soul searching to solve cases of gnome theft, over enthusiastic tree lopping on shared boundaries and Radio 4 being played too loudly.

(apologies to anyone on thread from Dorset - blush - was the nicest quietest place I could think of)

lashingsofbingeinghere Mon 12-Nov-12 17:23:06

MN-ers do not disappoint.

24HourR*&*D

The team have only a few minutes to discover whether the growth on the petri dish contains a deadly toxin, or is just a bit of harmless mould growing on a fragment of Prawn Salad sandwich.

lashingsofbingeinghere Mon 12-Nov-12 17:23:40

oops, buggered up me bolds.

Katie's Fallopians - In an attempt to prop up her flagging and tawdry career, Katie Price reveals a new facet of herself not yet seen. Fibre optic cameras and keyhole surgery provide live coverage; a fascinating insight into her ovaries, fallopian tubes and endrometrium.

Pimp My Toddler - An eye-opening glimpse into the world of American toddler refurbishment. Distinctly average-looking kids are sandblasted, polished and blinged-up to the gills with fakery - before being prodded against their will down a shabby catwalk, forced to gyrate in an overtly inappropriate fashion - whilst being goaded by a baying pack of morbidly obese parents wobbling, clapping and shrieking.

lashingsofbingeinghere Mon 12-Nov-12 17:27:46

T&T - genius. InternalOrgans-watch. Love it.

One's Coronation Street - reality show set in Buckingham Palace showing the day to day lives of our favourite royals.

Laugh at Philip's 'bloody foreigner' quips
Laugh at the corgis shitting on the expensive antique carpets
Laugh at Charles talking to the plants and questionning if he will ever be King
Laugh at Edward

OTheHugeManatee Mon 12-Nov-12 17:37:53

I think Pimp My Toddler already exists, doesn't it?

Cuntryfile - Man in wax jacket fronts show about really unpleasant people.

Before He Was Orange - A fascinating look at the early life of pop superstar Peter Andre; from the days when he was merely beige. Having no kids to lavish his love upon, the young Pete becomes overly attached to a variety of inanimate objects - including a coffee percolator, a lawn mower and a traffic bollard.
Episode 6: Pete has a string of sausages surgically implanted into his abdomen, in an attempt to look 'ripped' for his forthcoming 'Mysterious Girl' pop video. He also undergoes testicle ablation to achieve the falsetto whine he became famous for.

Inter Net Cafe - Fishermen gather in a greasy spoon in Aberdeen to discuss what stuff they have dragged out of the ocean that day. With subtitles for the less-than-Scottish.

KurriKurri Mon 12-Nov-12 17:46:33

Come Sine With Me - bitching, drunkenness and logarithms.

No Shit Sherlock - Benedict Cumberbatch takes his clothes off and chats about the bleedin' obvious.

HappyHippyChick Mon 12-Nov-12 17:46:53

Pimp my embarrassing body

OTheHugeManatee Mon 12-Nov-12 17:51:11

Doctor Who Do You Think You Are? - Minor celebrities discover they are descended from shapeshifting lizards. (Presented by David Icke)

TiggyD Mon 12-Nov-12 17:54:37

Putt Or Die. Imagine Gladiators meets crazy golf.

NOThypocondriac Mon 12-Nov-12 17:56:20

The Apprentice Prime Minister - David Cameron is fired and two groups of Labour vs Conservative MP's have to compete for the job by doing tasks unrelated to the job and that they are completely unsuited to, such as filling in a benefits form or trying to find a good state school for an autistic child.

Pimp My Life - In the pilot episode someone comes along and gives me a housekeeper, nanny and 3 or 4 PA's, a million quid house, my dream job and Daniel Craig. Would be incredibly useless in terms of ratings but I'd be incredibly happy.

OTheHugeManatee Mon 12-Nov-12 17:58:53

Grange Hill Street Blues - Schoolchildren take over the police station.

Is it wrong that I really want to see most of these go into production?

grin

Pop Idle - Pop reality show rejects sit by the telephone, waiting for the telephone call that might secure them a day's work entertaining shoppers at Festival Place Shopping Centre in Basingstoke. When not on phone vigil, the wannabe popsters settle down, with a glass of Tizer, in front of CBeebies for a back-to-back Balamory-a-thon. They check their reflections in a hand mirror up to seventy times an hour.

Oh, It's You - Low budget version of Surprise Surprise. Unsuspected members of the public are reunited with people they had a brief chat with in the GP's waiting room the previous week. The final denouement includes a grandmother who hasn't seen Edie from the W.I. for over a fortnight, since having her varicose veins stripped under Dr Shadid at the Royal. Emotions run lukewarm, as they don't like each other much really.

anklebitersmum Mon 12-Nov-12 18:16:38

Baldy Shores think Geordie Shores but with trampy, orange over 40's

OTheHugeManatee Mon 12-Nov-12 18:24:40

Nicotine Patch of the Day - The highs and lows as 2nd Division football managers try to give up smoking.

Barrow-In-Furness's Next Top Model - Shannon from The Cod Piece fish and chip shop goes head-to-head in a photo shoot-off with Sandra from the library. They pose in an alluring selection of kagoules and pac-a-macs from Millets, before having to display their catwalk action in front of the panel of judges, headed by Les Dennis.

Vague Touch-Up, Home Edition - Ty Pennington and a lazy shower of incompetent painters and decorators surprise a deserving family with a bit of minor home maintenance.
Episode 97: - The Clunge family from South Carolina have the barge-boarding sanded on their dilapidated bungalow. The team then can't be arsed to come back and paint the prepared surface, preferring to sit outside a local bar with a beer and a tin of roll-ups. Ty leads the hysterically screaming family through their unchanged home while lots of emotional tinkly music plays.

NicholasTeakozy Mon 12-Nov-12 18:48:54

Newsfight and Oh, it's you have made me howl. grin

Holmes Under The Hammer - a mallet's mallet style game where Eammon Holmes is hit repeatedly with an over sized foam hammer - well, it would be screened during the day - whenever contestants get the answers wrong.

The American version would be glitzier with Katie Holmes obvs grin

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