Mumsnet Talk

I'm coming in late here,but I had a date with Jesus once.Twas back in 1992 and we went to a nightclub called The Red Onion in Marina Del Ray.I decided not to see him again,but he didn't take to kindly to that and stalked me for a while.Stalked by Jesus .

OMG

First delivery is tonight I have just had a text; it is being delivered by Damien in lemon van.

Do you start with the antichrist and work up or am I just unlucky?

Wayne in the onion van did our drop off this morning!

DH did the shop by himself without telling me, so despite there being 8 bags of shopping I'm still scratching my head over what to actually make for dinner. When he gets home from work I'm tempted to hit him on the head with the entire fresh pineapple he ordered. And then ask why he ordered 4 bags of flour! Gah!

Pineapple upside down cake copious amounts of?

My DH claims to have seen God in the big Waitrose in Surbiton (claims He was in aisle 3). Stands to reason you get Jesus doing deliveries... I expect God got him the job.

Ocado don't deliver to my area yet apparently.

He can walk on water, feed the five thousand & turn water into wine but can't deliver shopping to The Sticks? <starts to doubt faith>

I just had innocent

As in Innocent delivered my groceries

charley Could be how it works - I only turned on my notifications for my last two deliveries so could very well have started out at the antichrist...

umleila Nepotism is alive and well. Always. And considering the last gig he gave his son, I reckon delivery driver is a massive step up. Only a slight chance of being crucified, I should imagine.

Damien is running late as he has satnav failure OMG typing satnav predictive text tried to put in Satan. I am doomed aren't I?

well, yes, it's an anagram of Satan V (the previous four incarnations failed, clearly...)

Good luck charleymouse - could be it's on your shoulders to head off armaggedon!

Phew Armageddon averted.

Damien eventually arrived half an hour past delivery slot with my shopping nicely sorted in colour coded bags minus my fresh figs.
Not at all satanic looking quite hot in fact
Think will try to order again to see if we can reach the giddy heights of the son of God.

Christopher in Lemon Van rang last night to see if I wanted my 10-11pm order delivery (It's free then) at 9.30, as he was in the area, bless him, so I got an early night in bed with a book. Hope he got to finish early as well!

Hmm, charley is it only me seeing some kind of irony in the antichrist Damien failing to deliver figs? After all, wasn't it the fig leaves Adam and Eve chose to cover up with once Damien's Dad had a word in Eve's shell like?

Maybe Damien has seen all the glory Jesus is getting here at Ocado and wants a bit of that action for himself?

And it stands to reason he was quite hot (hell puns aside) as his Dad was a very beautiful angel indeed.

Well, just got today's txt: I have the cabbage van again... and again, it lacks Jesus. <sigh> I'm expecting Lawrence. Larry. It's not even close!

MandaHugNKiss he did offer me dried figs, but I sent them back. Not sure what to take from that though.

Well waiting for todays text for tonights delivery. Will update later.

I just looked back through my Ocado texts and I seem to always have the Cabbage or Courgette van and I have never had Jesus sadly!

Very disappointed to have had Billy in the Onion van this week. I mean he was on time and polite and everything but [meh].

Innocent is good. Did you corrupt him?

Terry in the onion van for me today!

What a shame Terry wasn't in the chocolate orange van. [sigh]

Chocolate orange van sounds awesome. Well Terry very helpful got pwet through in the rain and not as hot as Damien but heyho (spookily heyho comes up as Bethleham on predictive text)! What is it with Ocado and their religious connections?

I think it's because they are The Way.

<want to lick a chocolate orange van, like a grown up version of Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Not so much the cabbage van I keep getting, mind. Unless it's got cream and bacon in it...>

Sat in a queue of traffic this morning, I was next to a Ocado van.

O the drivers door it said 'Constance Cabbage Van' sponsored by Ms L surname of Timsbury.

How cool is that!

Oooooh we're having "hank in his onion van" today

Omg I am so excited - I have just had a text from Ocado and today I have Jesus coming to me!!! In a courgette van this time though

Just had to resurrect this thread for that. No pun intended