I pooed on my skirt at work today(328 Posts)
I am not a poo troll.
I almost never poo at work. Today was an 'upset tummy' day.
I was wearing a rather huge, billowy Maxi skirt and I must have lost track of exactly where it all was while on loo. Nasty.
Had to do damage limitation with looroll in the cubicle, then stealthy washing in handbasin, all the while praying no-one would come in.
I got away with it.
I have a feeling you aren't going to believe me.
A couple of years ago my mum came to stay for Xmas. My new bf was there and some pals and we ended up having an impromptu party with lots to drink. DM wasn't used to huge quantities of booze and as the evening wore on suddenly her face changed and she rapidly left the room. She was in my bathroom for around 2 hours, wouldn't explain herself or let me in, just said she didn't feel well. DH was asking questions as he needed a wee, eventually I managed to persuade her to leave the loo. Cue discovery of what can only be described as a shit storm, which she had drunkenly tried to clean up, smears of poo everywhere! I scrubbed the whole bathroom but the following morning I realised she had hung towels etc on radiator to dry and they were also coated....or rather, DH discovered! To this day, DM still thinks it was hilarious. Coincidentally, she came to stay this Christmas too. Stayed in the guest room with en suite and woke us on Xmas eve saying there was a leak in the kitchen. It transpired the puddle on the floor came from the ceiling directly under the loo in the ensuite which was blocked from DMs 4am poo!!!! The on call plumber had to spend his Xmas eve wearing my marigolds and scooping poo into carrier bags.......
It's not Christmas without DM and her Christmas poo...
This thread has made me laugh so much.
A few yrs ago me and dh went away for our anniversary to a lovely hotel without the kids.
He ate mussels the first night which we have since discovered he's allergic to.
The next day we went for a walk alongside the lake, we were a few miles away from the hotel when he started to look a bit panicky and said he desperately needed a poo. We started marching swiftly back towards the hotel but dh started going faster and faster. Kind of like one of those speed walkers who wiggle their bums. By this point I could barely walk for laughing because he was wiggling away fast and kept looking back with a look of utter panic on his face. Eventually he sped off into the distance and I was left to snort my way back to the hotel.
When I got into the room the orchestra sounds coming out of the bathroom set me off again.
I was rolling about on the bed hooting at every trumpet. Dh could hear me laughing and started laughing too. Made all the funnier because every time he laughed it was followed by a succession of loud parpy farts.
Went for lunch with my mum and her friend when my IBS kicked in. The toilets in the restaurant were rank, so I left my mum to pay and dashed to the car. She waved her friend off and dawdled over to the car, only to be greeted by the horror of me sharting as she got into the drivers seat. Because I was to embarassed to get out of the car at home and have the neighbours see my shit encrusted jeans I made her drive three miles to my office - the office was closed and I had the key.
Every few hundred yards I would fart and shit some more. Poor mum had to drive with her head hanging out of the window. Got to the office with a bin bag wrapped around me and shit running down my leg. Mum started roaring with laughter and not vomit at the same time. I opened up the office and had mum drive home to (discretely) get clean clothes for me. The toilets were a scene of devastation by the time she drove back: shit all over my arse, my back, the walls and the floor.
Luckily, she thought to bring wet wipes, towels and a clean bin bag to sit on for the drive home.
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