Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!! I have LITERALLY twatted a spider to death

[Honeydragon]

I have just been to the loo, had a wee and saw something rather large and dark on the loo paper. Looked and it was a spider, a squished, slightly warm very dead spider.

I have suffocated a spider with my fanjo. Worse I have had a spider residing in my pants and not known.

I couldn't even scream as the entire family are asleep in various parts of the house with the vomity fluy thing.

[ChameleonCircuit]

[MissPenteuth]

Could the spider have been on the toilet roll, rather than in your pants? Even so..

[SarahStratton]

Christ.

You need [brandy] for that. just isn't going to cut it.

[TooManyBlossoms]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Sorry, that's all I have to add.

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[SarahStratton]

Also what TooMany said. Even though I nearly ate one last week.

[ShockinHolyTempers]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooiiiiIIeeeeesss

[Honeydragon]

No, I already had the paper in my hand iyswim?

Actually that would be worse, it would mean I'd smeared myself with spider

[SuePurblybiltbyElves]

Have you counted all the legs on the corpse?

[DressingGownQueen]

Nooooooooooo! That is truly awful, and I say that as someone who does not mind spiders.

Also, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[AhCheeses]

Oh Dragon... I've just nearly laughed this baby out!
Thank you... if you could elaborate and make me laugh some more I could actually have this baby some time this year!

Was it one of those giant mutant spiders? The ones that come armed!?

[SarahStratton]

That gave me the lulz SueP

[SuePurblybiltbyElves]

Well, quite. Imagine feeling a tickle later on...

[CotherMuckingFunt]

[Honeydragon]

Sue you total fucker, I have just ran upstairs and nearly broke my spine trying to contort myself to look for errant spider legs!!!!!!!!!

I don't mind spiders....till they choose to die in my chuff

ohgodohgodohgod there isn't enough brain bleach in the world for this.

[SuePurblybiltbyElves]

Mwahahahahahaha

Have you popped a conker up there now, to be on the safe side?

[CotherMuckingFunt]

Sue

[Honeydragon]

No!

Spikes on or off?

[Growlithe]

This is a horror film waiting to be made, surely

[SuePurblybiltbyElves]

Off. The shells have no power and are prickly.

[GreenEyesandNiceHam]

One word.

Nest.

[Honeydragon]

You do know the conker thing is a lie don't you?

I'm all itchy and can't stop clenching.

[Honeydragon]

GreenEyesandNiceHam

one word


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[HerdOfTinyElephants]

This is the best thread title EVER.

[GreenEyesandNiceHam]

Did the cobwebs not give you a clue?

[SuePurblybiltbyElves]

YY. What if Squished Charlotte left her egg sac behind? Lots of little spiderlings, making a run for the light. Some may not make it. Some may go north and no good can come of that.