Mumsnet Talk

- teacher in primary - if anyone spoke out of turn or giggled, the whole class would be made to sit cross legged on the floor with your arms and hands straight up above your head whilst she read the paper.

- rota of small children to clean the staff room of wine bottle and ash trays once a week. Disgusting.

- secondary

- given " moral education lessons" by barmy deputy head and told not to tell parents as they wouldn't approve.
- German teacher who didnt check when I said I had " special lessons" with the mad deputy head and spent every wed and fri afternoon walking in the woods by the school instead for 2 years. If it was cold I went to the lesson and just sat at the back.

- French teacher who clearly hated us and shouted abuse in French whilst smoking.

- history teacher who smoked a pipe and hated us, shouting abuse and didnt bother teaching, just complained about having to teach.

- art teacher who tore up your work if it wasnt creative enough. Or she didnt like it.

- not one teacher in 10 years questioned why I didn't do homework, cried at anything and was always white faced and exhausted, a nervous wreck really, and very jumpy. I really hope any kids with obvious home issues get some help and support now.

One primary teacher when I was 5 questioned my dm about me being so well, reserved and well, different - and I got punished at home for drawing attention to it, plus my dm had all my hair cut off. The teacher was visibly horrified the next day. She was very kind to me after. But no one did anything useful.

All in the eighties. I hated school. It was dreadful.

And that was only in late 1990s

Teacher put a bit over students heads if they got a question wrong ( called sin bin) Also sellotaped up pupils mouths. We were only about 10,11. We all played along but now realise how appalling this was.

Oh yes and the same NQT teacher friend also accidentally knocked a kid off a chair when 'distributing' text books by chucking them onto the desks. The kid wasn't paying attention and it clipped him on the side of the head, knocking him off his chair and spraining his wrist. It's a wonder my friend is still employed!

Our RE teacher was German and it has always cracked me up hearing foreigners swear in English. Perhaps it's because I remember him saying "I know you all think religion is a load of bollocks but I do need to teach you about it". So teachers swearing is I guess more frowned upon (although my NQT friend who coincidentally teaches RE - what is it about religion that makes the teachers have potty mouths? - admits to accidentally swearing in class rather frequently...The kids find it hilarious, he finds it mortifying - till the next time!)

When 'teeth' came up as a topic in biology, my teacher drove over to his friend who was a dentist to pick up lots of freshly extracted teeth for us to have a look at. Blood was still damp on the gauze wrapping some of them, flesh attached
& the roots still a bit soft as they were literally just extracted. Loads of them, incisors, eye teeth, premolars, molars. All passed from kid to kid, no gloves, only carbolic soap if you wanted to wash your hands after (and I don't recall being told to wash up anyway).
This was maybe mid '80s.

I don't know if I've already said this at some point, but a biology teacher who would claim he "could smell a girl ovulating". vom.

This really wasn't that long ago. 7 years maybe.

In RE having a lesson on genital mutilation. We had just gone through what happens to girls then moved onto the boys. I seem to remember questions were asked and she tried to draw a diagram on the board showing the foreskin, where it is removed and what it looks like after. Some people still didn't quite get it.

She stands at the front of the class and puts her hands together above the top of her head saying this is what it was like with a foreskin. Then dropped her arms saying its now been removed. She did this at least three times and is now starting again with the foreskin. 'I am a gigantic ginger cock! This is my...' Just as the new head master walked in to look around.

Ha ha, serves me right for not reading the thread properly before posting!

lol Trixy - I've reopened an old thread and you were the 7th person to post on it back in Sept 11 with the same recollection.

A female teacher used to get male pupils to strip to their underpants and crawl up the aisle and kiss her on the feet!

My very first teacher used to send you home (alone and aged 5) if you did not have a clean hankerchief every day.
And if she smelt anything dodgy she would make us line up in the book corner and check everyone's pants. I remember going to the back of the line knowing it wasn't me so she would find the culprit before I had to drop my pants

Apparently she "got everyone reading" so all was forgiven.

DH's i infant teacher in rural Ireland used to give them sugarlumps as a reward - DH has type 2 diabetes now!

Creepy RE teacher in tight stripey trousers with an erection - my girls grammar school (he was later convicted of assaults on little boys)

Even creepier fencing teacher who used to like massaging girls' necks - he was later convicted as a paedo but is astonishingly still teaching (just googled).

We also had fag dragging teachers smoking in classroom during their break.

Secondary: We had the usual board rubber, chalk (and occasionally table) throwing teacher who was wound up by poor behaviour by a few of the lads.

Another teacher clipped one of the hard lads in my class around the ear. It was ace. The tough boy tried to stare the teacher down, then crumpled and said "Not even my Mum hits me that hard" (woops)

A fab science teacher, when riled by one of the same lads that would wind up the chalk-throwing teacher, decided to demonstrate how to use the fire blanket by wrapping it around the lad, swiping his feet out from under him and rolling him on the ground.

Unfortunately, one from teacher training (early 2000s). When sitting in a music practice for Christmas, the headteacher got fed up with one little boys behaviour and hit him. I was advised not to take it anywhere as the head was retiring that week due to iill healthy, but I will always regret being a timid student and not reporting him.

Domestic Science (Cooking) teacher having a fag in the corner of the room while we beat egg whites for a chocolate Swiss roll by hand

Primary : '80s. Headteacher would change into his black and white striped tighty-whiteys and dive into the pool for a swim with us on our weekly session at the pool.

When teaching science, he made us all stand on the playground and he climbed up onto the school room (single storey) and demonstrated hydraulic action.

Another science lessons (sound or light) - set off fireworks on the school playground.

He'd borrowed a video from my father (the mind boggles what about) and had left it in the coal-hatch on the side of the house one day. Then he worried that my parents hadn't found it and told me to go home in the middle of a lesson to check if it was still there and give it to my Mum.

dds old english teacher apparently stood on top of a desk pretending to be a eagle

My secondary drama teacher called me a "little bitch" whilst in character during an improvisation. He later had to be my learning mentor when I trained to be a teacher...

Secondary biology teacher said to me whilst I was doing prefect duty "not sure your skirt is compliant with school uniform rules" and being a mouthy teenager, I replied "no one else has complained" and he whispered in my ear "who said I was complaining". Creep. Due to my gobbiness, the fact my skirt was too short and that he whispered it- I never reported him. He was also really just generally creepy to me. Ugh.

Primary school teacher said "I hope Turkish doesn't try out for netball this year, she's useless" to all the other girls who then reported back to me. Broke my heart and made me hate PE for a long time. I play netball now and not half bad- I showed her!!

Some things I've heard about from friends...a teacher caught shagging a student in his car at prom- who then moved her into his summer house as his wife refused to vacate the marital home!

And lots of teacher affairs with sixth formers- that many went on to marry!!

Year 3 Teacher (Male)

Instead of "Fingers on lips"...his take was:

"Put the mouse (holds up index finger) in the house (circles other index finger and thumb to make a circle and inserts the index finger into the "house") and put it in your lap."

Forgot to mention that my PE teacher called me a bitch in front of the whole class when I, aged 13 and very awkward, accidentally kicked a ball in her face. She tried to justify it later by saying 'well you do LOOK like a bitch, because of your black hair'

We had a geography teacher who couldn't get through a double lesson without having to go out to smoke his pipe. He came back one time and after 10 minutes a kid shouted that teacher's tweed blazer was on fire - the pipe was smouldering away in the top pocket.

Lots of chalk throwing/blackboard rubber throwing/calling kids arseholes.

The art teacher pinned a boy up against the wall and I thought he was going to kill the boy.

Our primary school art lessons consisted of being chucked out of school to wonder round the village on our own and find something nice to draw. We didn't even have to stay in pairs, etc. I used to spend the afternoon snoozing in a field somewhere.

These are brilliant!
Aside from the usual board rubber throwing and desk knocking over stuff I remember going on a school trip to France aged 12 and the teachers stuffed bottles and bottles of wine under the coach seats (when the strict limits were in place!).
On another alcohol tinged note, the head at my girls school was very eccentric and had a real fur rug on her office floor plus it stank of gin and fags!
I also remember a really sad thing happened to a girl at our school and the media got involved, harassing us on the journey to school, loads of them hangong around he gate, blocking the entrance etc. One came onto school property and the deputy head rugby tackled him to the ground and removed him - he'd never get away with that now! Good on him!

I had a primary school teacher that made me sit under his desk (while he was sitting at it) . This teacher also used to send members of the class (alone, at the age of 10/11) to the candy store to get treats for the class (it was 15 minutes away and several woody trails away .

Another delusional teacher stacked her desk on top of those very deep shelves used for storing art paper and stole a little set of steps from the drama dept. so she could climb up and peer over us from her desk while we worked. The Principal walked in one day a few days after she'd done it and demanded that she disassemble it immediately . The same teacher also used to drink a can of diet coke every hour (she was enormously obese) and had crates and crates of it stashed in the art supplies cupboard.

I had one lovely teacher who gave me a wonderful chat and hug after I was upset about my cat getting run over. I've always remembered that but suspect modern teachers would have to think twice before being so familiar with a student .

Drink booze in the classroom
Threaten kids with walking stick
Say gorls should do home ec ratjer than physics
Show nazi armbands and other paranalia (not in a history, sociology etc class)
Brew beer in their store room
Drunk at school (same teacher)

And my school was quice 'naice"