tell me about your oddest colleague?

[StealthPolarBear]

Past or present.
We used to have one who would pick his ears and then make the coffee, it used to have bits floating in the top.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

I used to work at a big company with a staff canteen. They used to put big jugs off water on the tables. One day a colleague whipped out his false teeth, swooshed them in the jug, put them back in his mouth and carried on with his dinner. I never drank the water again.

[StealthPolarBear]

just

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

Wonder if we worked at the same place?

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

I had one that used to cry on about the poor animals being "murdered" in abbatoirs. She wasnt a vegetarian.
She even cried off sick one day because she'd witnessed some animals in a transport truck on the way to slaughter. My boss took pity on her and sent her home, 5 minutes after she left she strolled past the shop scoffing a greggs sausage roll!

[TastyMuffins]

I worked in an office with someone who would come back to work from a day off sick and whisper as if she had lost her voice (even if she'd been off for an upset stomach). I used to whisper back. She used to forget to whisper when she was on the phone to people and speaking in her own language as if I wouldn't notice the loud voice because I couldn't understand the words!

[BupcakesandCunting]

Oh I have loads...

1. The basket case who used to pretend that he was loading and firing a shotgun in the staff room, with a glazed, vacant look in his eyes. His wife left him eventually, for being a loose cannon I think, and to repay her, he photocopied loads of flyers of her face and wrote "Have u seen this slag?" on all of them then stuck them up around Wolverhampton town centre.
   

1. The deputy manager who used to systematically bully female members of staff, except the ones that he fancied who were safe from his sneery comments but were subjected to a whole other world of weirdness. For such a hardfaced cunt, you'd think that he'd take it on the chin when he found out that we ladies had been drawing comical doodles of him on the back of the ladies loo door. You wouldn't think he'd sob over it, would you?
   

There are more. I will be back when I have remembered them!

[StealthPolarBear]

He didn't just pick at his ear delicately though, he'd be in up to the knuckle, having a rummage

[StealthPolarBear]

Tm what was her reason for whispering? Was it in an "I'm an invalid" way?

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Oh this is going to be a scorcher of a thread!

[ToffeePenny]

Mine eats cloves. Straight from the spice jar.
'Crack crunch grind Crack crunch grind' all through the day, every day.

Occasionally a bad one seems to crop up:
Crack crunch grind
Crack
spit*
Crack crunch grind.



*large 'ptooey pthah pthah pthah' comedy spit into the wastepaper basket between our 2 desks.

[BeaOnSea]

I used to work with rather an eccentric (but loveable) old guy who brought his drinking water to work in an old shampoo bottle c. 1970. He even took it into meetings with him - which always raised a few eyebrows.

[StealthPolarBear]

:o

[Pawsnclaws]

I've posted before about ........ The Phantom Crapper. Seriously, it was on the floor, the walls, the seat, even on the closed toilet lid.

[BupcakesandCunting]

1. The manager of the pub I worked in as a student. Despite having a face that would scare a police horse, he managed somehow to bag a fair amount of attractive women. Including his sister-in-law. The dirty article. He used to "test the water" with me and I used to give him short shrift. He actually said to me one day "Why are YOU the only woman who won't give in to me?" I told him that the only way I would be going anywhere near him is if he had a ready supply of rohypnol. Which I wouldn't put past him, the creepy fucker.

[BupcakesandCunting]

Cloves?! Someone eats cloves? BLEUGH.

[BobblyGussets]

Even his name was weird, but I am not going to say, I will call him PS.

He was the pale one at the summer social in white top and shorts, black socks and shoes and a brown leather stetson.

Worked in a medical/academic place where it really was anything goes (one bloke used to commute a few miles in on a unicycle) but he stood out:
I was walking down the corridor at work, I heard PS talking to a medic colleague about a pain he had. I stopped, pretending to tie my shoelace so I could listen and heard the medic say, "Is it a sharp pain or a dull pain?". After an inordinate pause he said, "hmmmm, yes." Just like that. Medic looked startled and I scuttled away.

In the pub, office mate leaned across and said, "so P, Maths or Physics" (you know, he was the archetypal Maths/physics postgrad) and he did his pause and "hmmmmmm, Physics".

We were obssessed with him in our office. We used to keep a file on him. Reading this back, we were the weird ones weren't we?

Oh I miss the good old days in the asylum where I wasn't really a colleague but an inmate.

[BeaOnSea]

Another colleague (same office) rang in sick one day with "24 hour flu".

She turned in the next day with a perm

[ToffeePenny]

Yes Cloves.
One jar every 2 days.

Sometimes he brings in a larger bag of cloves to refill the jar and I wonder why he doesn't just eat them out of the bag.

[sheepgomeep]

one colleague I worked with in sainsbos was a stalker. He would follow the pretty girl colleagues home and wait outside thier houses and actually followed one girl to the next town.

He had several warnings, he was then caught (apparantly by another colleague) having a wank behind the recycling bins in his uniform. ugh ugh ugh. And was also rumoured to have unsavoury relationship with his sister

He still works there, nows he appeared at dd's school having just moved there with his girlfriend and young daughter. Shuddering just thinking about him

[AKMD]

I worked for someone once who called me at home at 9pm to ask if I was a secret agent working for HMRC who had infiltrated his company as part of an investigation.

[HandsOffOurLand]

There was the one who lived in a house filled with floor to ceiling newspapers. Literally. And there was the one whose leg moved of its own accord. The more excited he became, the more it jiggled. There was one who looked like Basil Fawlty and wore a bow tie as if it were not strange. There was another who slept in his clothes in his office.

This was academia.

[GreenEyesandNiceHam]

BeaOnSea that just made me snort

[BoffinMum]

Where do I start?

The Head Teacher who strutted around the corridors muttering things like "The Jews went to their deaths willingly, to save the sins of the world" and "In my next life, I am going to run a country, that is why I am doing this job in this life" before putting memos in all our pigeonholes telling us to save paper?

[mythical]

We have a colleague that sings. everything. she sings to herself. she will sing to the customers. when she talks. she sings instead of talking. it's odd