Oddest phone call you have ever received from your dcs school?

(226 Posts)
Mavend Tue 19-Jul-11 14:24:30

Today:"Hello,we are phoning you because a child has thrown one of your dcs shoes over the school fence.We are very sorry.The child in questions parents have been informed and are aware they may have a bill for the shoes.One of the TA's is trying to find the shoe"

Dear mumsnetters,I guess I should have been maybe been a little annoyed but I actually got a fit of the giggles.

I have a vision of this poor,poor TA,cursing and wandering about in the undergrowth searching for a Clarks schoolshoe.


Please deliver DS's coxbox

which just sounded rude

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile Tue 19-Jul-11 14:27:21

my ds1's teacher phoned me at work to ask me what he had had for breakfast

me: crumpets

her: well please don't give him crumpets again


ThePathanKhansWoman Tue 19-Jul-11 14:30:19

Call from Nursury 'Do you realise we have had to remove a clear smoking patch from dd today'? blush.It must of come off in bed and stuck to her, was quite expecting S.S to be waiting for me when i went to collect her.

Mavend Tue 19-Jul-11 14:31:01

fmpacmr intrigued!What is a coxbox????

AuntieMonica Tue 19-Jul-11 14:32:02


love the shoes one!

school; 'AuntieMonica DS2 isn't in school today and no-one has let us know where he is'

me; 'erm, i'm afraid i can't answer that, i'm in Amsterdam, on holiday'

school; 'pardon, you've gone on holiday and left a minor at home alone'

me; 'erm yes, he's 18 and in 6th form'

school; 'oh right, i didn't know how old he was'

me; 'okaaaaaayyyy'

i text DS2 'why are you not at school?'

DS2 replies 'i am, stop texting me, i'm doing my mock A level maths'


It's a thingy for rowing - they plug it into the boat and there's wee speakers at every spot where all the rowers sit and they can all hear the cox.

Not that DS ever needed it he gets his voice from his mother grin

Mavend Tue 19-Jul-11 14:34:34

Ah thank yousmile

Loving these,keep em comingsmile

InfestationofLannisters Tue 19-Jul-11 14:34:53

"DD has a tooth in her ear"

<cue WTF face>

She had lost a milk tooth and had decided to keep it safe there as you do.

The worst thing was, I repeated the phrase to the very unamused and grim-faced nurse at the desk an hour or so later who must have thought I was taking the piss and / or drunk blush

mousymouse Tue 19-Jul-11 14:35:19

"I think you dc has chickenpox"
...no he hasn't they got bitten by mosquitos on the nursery day trip to the wetland centre the day before...
they must have called all parents that day...

Fimbo Tue 19-Jul-11 14:37:25

School Admin Person - Fimbo, your dd was off on x date without authorisation and we need to know why.

Me - She was on a school trip.

SAP - Oh so sorry. I could feel her blush from here.


ShowOfHands Tue 19-Jul-11 14:37:32

"Your ds has been sick and needs collecting"

"I don't have a ds"



"Oh bollocks"

DD's keyworker who was heavily pregnant, had severe spd and was fed up. She's blooming lovely. grin

LadyClariceCannockMonty Tue 19-Jul-11 14:37:40

saidthespider, 'don't give him crumpets again'? WTAF?!?

eragon Tue 19-Jul-11 14:38:27

I have had a few over the years..

sorry but another child has flushed your childs school jumper down the toilet....the unflushed toliet, do you want it back?

is it ok for you son to hold a duck egg, while wearing gloves?

can i give your son a macroon biscuit?

can you give your son a belt for his school trousers, he couldnt stop them from falling with his arm in a sling. (parent shame here....)

we cant find his pants and socks at all after swiming, is it ok for him to go comando style until you pick him up after school, or do you want to bring in some replacements?

peeriebear Tue 19-Jul-11 14:38:40

I've never had an interesting one, just this:
Secretary: "Hello Mrs Peeriebear, i'm just calling to see why DD1 is not at school?" (she was 5 at the time)
Me: "WhaaaAAAT? I walked her in this morning! She's not there?!?"
Sec: "Oh... Er... Ah I see what I've done, it's the next one down on the register! Sorry!"
Me: shock and breathe.

thornrose Tue 19-Jul-11 14:42:24

Mavend I have called a parent with a very similar scenario. "Could you bring a spare pair of shoes for your ds as one of his shoes has been thrown onto the school roof!"
Mum's reply was "Oh no, not again...."

Pleb1969 Tue 19-Jul-11 14:49:07

not a phone call, but DS3's yr1 teacher caught me at the gate to tell me that they had been having a classroom discussion about treating each other nicely and DS had told her 'daddy was hitting mummy last night'. She did the gentle, non-leading questioning bit and then realised that he was telling her about the full on pillow fight we had as a family with the sofa cushions in the lounge the night before... oops.

ImpyCelyn Tue 19-Jul-11 14:51:19

DS not in school yet; but I got cornered once in sixth form by the school sec who demanded to know why I had been absent the week before. I thought that the crutches and brand new plaster cast were a bit of a giveaway.

She had the cheek to tell me that her son had gone into school the day after his leg was put in a cast - I'd had surgery fgs!

SnapesOnAPlane Tue 19-Jul-11 14:54:12

DD1s form tutor called me during DD1's GCSE Maths, had arranged to meet me and DD1 infront of the house (he assumed she was truanting), and asked if I knew where her friend was, as she wasn't there either hmm. 5 minutes later I got a call telling me she'd been in the exam all along, but the friend still isn't - is there any way I can get her there?
I was hmm all day. It was pretty weird.

Sidge Tue 19-Jul-11 14:56:40

Not long after DD2 had started school (disabled, SN and fully statemented with full time 1-1) I came home after work at 1400 one day to find a message on my answerphone saying "Hello Mrs Sidge, just a call to ask if DD2 is ok as she isn't in school this morning".

I had taken her in and handed her over to her LSA at 0845!

Cue me phoning the office going "aaaarrrrggghhh where is she?" for them to say "sorry, it looked like she hadn't been marked present on the register but it was actually where the teacher's pen had run out".

It took about half an hour for my heart rate to come down. And why they hadn't phoned my mobile I have no idea!

Ha ha these are brilliant! I can't believe parents have kids that lose their shoes on the school roof repetitively!

When my DB was about 7 Mum got a call to say that he had been sent to the headteachers office as he had shoved a crayon up another childs nose and the other child had had to go to hospital to have it removed - when my Mum got to the school, no sign of DB - the other child had got the hosp and admitted he had lied and it was him that had shoved the crayon up DB's nose who was too shy/traumatised to come forward and had just sat in the heads office being told off until the Mum of the other child had called school, DB was taken to hosp in an ambulance and the head was mortified - DB recieved massive bravery award and special mention in the news letter for being "Brave" I.E my Mum not suing the school ha ha

AtYourCervix Tue 19-Jul-11 15:08:44

we get automated text messages from the absence line. Got one last week when DD1 was on a school trip. then one the week after when she was in school. I don't have much confidence in it.

WasSparklies Tue 19-Jul-11 15:09:43

This happened to my mum when one of the kids at school chucked my sandal over the fence. They spent hours looking for it in the undergrowth and never found it (the sandals were barely a week old and mum had taken a special 150 mile round trip to get them as nowhere sold decent sandals locally at the time - gotta love Cornwall)

The sandal was eventually found in surprisingly good condition six months later when the neighbouring property cleared out the hedge. Two days after the bin men had been for the remaining sandal <sobs>

The girl's parent did pay for new ones though and it was all very reasonable!

Oddest phone call I ever had from nursery (not a pre-school, this is an independent nursery) was them ringing up to ask if when DC started school, if she'd be getting free school meals. Still can't work out why they would need to ask that..

MindtheGappp Tue 19-Jul-11 15:15:31

My oddest phone call was from the school nurse.

She called to tell me that DS (9) was playing pocket billiards. In my inability to say something constructive, I declared that he was just like his father. blush. I never heard from her again grin.

fruitshootsandheaves Tue 19-Jul-11 15:19:00

Hello is that mrs fruitshoot
I'm sorry your dd is a bit late home, but the wheel has fallen off the bus. Could you come and get her? We're just down the road. shock

eragon we have had the jacket flushed down the toilet phone call - the poor TA had spent the day hand washing said jacket to get it to a state where they were happy to return it to me shock

MrsMeow Tue 19-Jul-11 15:57:11

School sec - MrsM, we have your DS here (7). His asthma is troubling him and he doesn't have his inhaler with him, could you come and collect him please?

Me - DS doesn't HAVE asthma?!

SS - Oh, hang on a minute, sorry...

<goes off>

SS - MrsM, I'm very sorry. He's been running around the field, got out of breath and seems to have self diagnosed!

RalphGnu Tue 19-Jul-11 16:10:16

These are fantastic! Keep them coming.

ImpyCelyn Tue 19-Jul-11 16:11:17

ROFL at self-diagnosing 7yo grin

When DS1 was in Reception I had a phone call from the HT telling me that he had fallen in the playground and landed on his friend's teeth, leaving in a gash in his forehead which looked like it might need stitches. Poor HT had great difficulty stifling a chuckle explaining the wierd set of events!

prudaloo Tue 19-Jul-11 16:28:08

When DD was in sixth form, very irate pupil liaison person rang and demanded to know why she wasn't in school as there had been no phone call. DH replied that he had dropped her there himself- for breakfast with the headmaster! (prefect thing). She even rang ME afterwards to apologise.

wetting myself over the self-diagnosis one smile

bigbluebus Tue 19-Jul-11 16:51:27

Not had any funny calls about DCs from school but did get a text from DS's secondary school the other day which made me laugh. It said "We have goats available FREE to a good home. Please contact Deputy Head".
Beats bringing home the school's pet hamster for the summer!!!

InfestationofLannisters Tue 19-Jul-11 16:52:50

Ha hahahaha @pocket billiards just like his father grin Brilliant!

BerylOfLaughs Tue 19-Jul-11 16:55:48

Did you get the shoe back?

School nurse: Hello Mrs HugNKiss, it's SchoolNurse from the school. Please don't panic, but DS1 has fallen off the climbing frame and says he can't move... so we've called an ambulance

Me: <hyperventilates, imagining broken neck>

(wasn't far wrong, he'd broken his clavicle)

THe following week:

School nurse: Hello MRs HugNKiss, it's SchoolNurse again. DD has fallen off the climbing frame and can't lift her arm very high - we think she needs to go to the hospital to have it checked.

Me <thinking 'Really?! FFS!'>

(She'd, indeed, broken it)

Next time she saw me, SchoolNurse laughed 'Thank goodness these breaks happened at school or else someone would be asking questions about your parenting! Haha!'

I kinda wish I'd sued them, now, after reading about massive payouts recently instead of hollowly laughing along with her hmm

Lollyheart Tue 19-Jul-11 17:10:18

Just marking my place so I dont miss any funny stories grin

RunningOutOfIdeas Tue 19-Jul-11 17:20:34

Not a phone call but DH went to collect DD from nursery. Member of staff obviously feeling very awkward: DD said her stepmother had locked her in the cupboard.
DH: DD were you being Cinderella again?

Mrsxstitch Tue 19-Jul-11 17:22:28

Secretary: Hi, its about your son's school trip

Me: I don't have a son

Secretary: Are you sure

Me:yes, you must have the wrong number

Secretary: You are Mrs Y and your number is xxxxxx

Me: that's my number but I'm not Mrs Y

Or the best one:

Headmistress: Mrs Stitch you really must tell your dd not to swear at Priests.

Me: Pardon (very confused)

Headmistress: Your daughter (very snootily) swore at the priest during mass today, it is unacceptable...

Me: can I stop you there, you must have the wrong number

Headmistress: Oh one of those are we Mrs Stitch can't believe your daughter would swear or act badly at school or in church.

Me: I know my daughter didn't do that, she is only 8months old so can't actually speak yet never mind talk back to priests.

Headmistress: Bloody directory enquiries.

Not sure how that worked as I am ex-directory grin

timetosmile Tue 19-Jul-11 17:24:50

"DS and a friend fell into a wall (?) in the playground, no need to worry, he is still conscious, although he has cut his lip and his tooth has come out"

"Really, or is it the gap from the one that fell out yesterday at home?"


Delighted to hear that the point at which I should have started to worry was a coma...

flybynight Tue 19-Jul-11 17:25:24

I got a call to say that DS2 had thrown his own shoe over the fence. It never turned up again. I was fuming because they were brand new. He was also accused of flushing his pumps down the infant toilet.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Tue 19-Jul-11 17:34:38

I got called at work when ds was in Reception.

Receptionist: Mrs Honeydragon ds dragon is poorly and has a temperature can you come and collect him?

Me: Yes I'll be there asap

Receptionist: Oh don't rush , take your time, I'm having a lovely cuddle, and as the heatings broken in the office and he's boiling, he's my only source of warmth!


I also paniced once when they were handing over and Ds wasn't in line. Then his teacher came out looking very serious and asked me to come in. On the way in she explained he had not long banged his head. What had happended was he had landed on his head causing a massive gash that had relocated half his eyebrow up his forehead. during afternoon break. He was very brave and didn't cry but his T.A did. grin By the time they calmed her down it was only 15 minutes till finish, so they left the phonecall.

springlamb Tue 19-Jul-11 17:38:02

From SN school where all children are collected by school bus:
"Good morning Mrs Springlamb, we're calling to find out why LittleLamb wasn't in school all day yesterday"
"I have no idea. I put him on your bus at 8.15 and he got off again at 4.15, no idea where he was between those times. I shall ask him"

Jemma1111 Tue 19-Jul-11 17:42:14

The school rang sounding very concerned that my Dd had come out in an angry red rash all of a sudden.

I was frantic with worry until I was told that it was just on her forehead, she'd been running around and after getting hot her 'rash' was just her birthmark getting red, it's not usually noticable.

WkdSM Tue 19-Jul-11 17:47:06

SS2 moved in with us at 13 and changed schools. After about 6 mths had the following call

School: Wkdsm - has SS had any operations recently?
Me: No
School: So he has not had anything removed
Me: Um...not to my knowledge (imagines flying saucer)
School: Are you sure he still has his liver
Me: Wouldn't you die if you did not have a liver
School: That's what we thought - but he's told us he has not done some project work because he has to go to hospital regularly as he has had his liver removed. We were going to wait for the biology teacher to come in but thought we'd check.
Me: Maybe he is getting confused with kidneys but as far as I know he has all the relevant bits intact (until his father gets home and hears about this!!)

JanMorrow Tue 19-Jul-11 17:49:26

My mum received this phonecall from my brother's teacher just after a school trip, my brother at the time was still at school playing in a football match-

Mr E- Mrs Morrow, this is Mr E, I have some very grave news about your son.
My mum quite naturally panics - what? what? Is he ok?
Mr E- oh yes, but on the school trip at the weekend I leant him 50p and he has not as yet paid me back.
My Mum - <trying to recover heart rate> oh you stupid man. <hangs up>.

She sent my brother in the next day with 50p and a stern note about not giving parents the frights of their lives.

Oh! I've just remembered a more amusing one, although it was upon picking up DS1 from nursery (at the school, the class before reception,not a paid-for establishment), rather than a phonecall. He hadn't bee going for very long.

Nursery teacher: I gave DS1 a biscuit today, I hope that's ok?

Me: <puzzled> ...um, yeah, that's fine.

Nursery teacher: Only DS1 approached me and asked if he could have a cacky (at this point I was tryin v v hard not to burst out laughing). And I didn't know what he meant so asked him if he meant a cookie? He insisted, no, not a cookie; a cacky. Are you sure, DS1? A cookie? But he said, no, I want a cacky. So I showed him the biscuit and offered him the choice - a cookie or a cacky? And after a moment, he replied 'Can I have both?'

(I was really laughing by now)

Me: Oh <guaffaws> yes <chortle> 'Cacky' is our family name for a poo.

Nursery teacher: We worked it out eventually, but I had to give him the biscuit for the laugh it gave us!

Me: And such lovely alliteration, too grin

5inthebed Tue 19-Jul-11 18:03:28

These are funny grin

Schiool secretray called me to say DS2 had had his glasses broken by another boy. I was most perplexed as DS2 does not wear glasses, yet secretary was adamant that they were his.

Turns out DS2 had accidentally broke another boys glasses and secretary was meant to call his parents.

MrsSnaplegs Tue 19-Jul-11 18:08:45

School nurse to me (at work DH is actually poc as sahp confused)
When mini Snaplegs started reception you didn't hand in the form to agree to her being weighed and hearing etc tested. We are here today can we still do it
Me: well we didn't get a form as she started mid year (house move)
Nurse: oh yes I see she started January
Me: no in October
Nurse: well as you didn't hand in the form can we still do it
Me: you'll have great difficulty she has been off sick all week with chickenpox do you want me to get her dad to bring her in now I don't think shes still infectiousgrin
Nurse : no it can wait until next term

I ended up ringing school to check they knew she wasn't in supposedly the nurse doesn't bother to check the register wink

HT "Hello Mrs Insanity, can you come up to school please? ds has been involved in a serious incident where a girl has been assaulted."

Me "It wasn't ds"

HT "I can assure you it was, we have witnesses including a staff member"

Me "It wasn't ds so I won't be coming up to school"

HT "Are you refusing to come and discuss this matter? We need you to remove ds from the premises immediately"

Me "I have ds, he is off school and has been for a week I think you mean Big B and not little B who is my son"

HT "we have witnesses Mrs Insanity it was your son"

Me "Can you go and ask Big B who his mother is? If he says it's me do phone me back won't you? Goodbye" grin

This is one of many calls where they got ds and another boy muddled because they shared the same name.

mumatron Tue 19-Jul-11 18:51:03

Ds school- 'Mumatron can you come and pick ds up as he has fallen asleep under a bush' (aged8)


'Can you come and collect ds as he has fallen asleep on the back seat of the mini bus and we don't want to wake him' hmm

kerala Tue 19-Jul-11 18:55:32

"Please come and pick up dd (age just 4) she has a tummy upset". Did so transpired it wasnt a tummy upset at all it was fear - a lovely imaginative teacher had told the children there were trolls in the corner of the playground and dd being rather serious and imaginative herself was convinced this was true and was understandably terrified.

redfoxy Tue 19-Jul-11 19:07:46

"Hello, Ms. Redfoxy?"
"This is your SSs school, please don't panic but your SS has gotten himself stuck on the school bus and we've had to call the fire brigade."
"Yes, it seems he's gotten his finger stuck in the seatbelt buckle"
Gah!! What a plonker...!

My partner went down to the school, 15 min drive away and they fire brigade were still trying to get his finger out of the seatbelt buckle, with an ambulance on standby. Seems he just decided to stick his finger in it to see how far it would go, and low and behold it got stuck, took them about another 15 minutes to work it loose. Nothing wrong with it except turned a bit purple from the circulation being cut off and his face rather red for being such a plonker!!
Still have a giggle about it from time to time, he gets a wee bit embarrassed about it!!

Halbwahrheiten Tue 19-Jul-11 19:44:23

Hello mrs halb, you need to come and get your son, there is a raisin in his nose. (which he just sneezed out)

Your son might have just thrown up, but it smells like strawberry. (it was thick milkshake)

Your DS was bitten by another child, he has tooth prints all around his nose.

And my favourire: your ds locked himself in the toilet and won't open the door or talk to us. we are worried he may have fainted.
Me: are you sure? I could have sworn he was on the sofa in the living room with hfm.
Nursery worker: you ARE xx's mummy aren't you?
Me: yes.
Nw: and he's not in today?
Me: nope, and he hasn't been since tuesday.
Nw: see, that's what I thought but the other children said he was in there. so who is that in the toilet?

Halbwahrheiten Tue 19-Jul-11 19:45:49

Stupid phone posted too soon

there wasn't anyone in the toilet, the door was just stuck and the kids had let their imagination go wild...

oldsilver Tue 19-Jul-11 19:48:35

DS had been in Reception one week and I got a call from Head Teacher... all very apologetic but some Y2 boys had put his coat in the trough in the toilets and wee'd over it. Cue teacher handing me discretely a dripping carrier bag, as DS didn't know what had happened - apparently, where they'd tried to rinse it out, and also two very sorry looking lads apologising (yes, in front of DS confused ) the other culprit never came to me.

Aha I thought, so this is how it starts - I am now a parent of a school child!

Very similar.

Two year 2 boys when DS was year R threw his hat over the fence so school lent him a school logo-ed baseball cap. The boys had been made to apologise and had to go out with TA and find it during their 'golden time'.

I was a bit sad for DS thinking of these year 2 boys 'picking' on him so bought the baseball cap he'd fallen in love with from the school - they had been great.

Now DS is year 2 and I can imagine it's the sort of thing he'd do in high spirits and egged on by friends. <sigh>

TeaOneSugar Tue 19-Jul-11 19:53:28

DD had slapped cheek a while ago, we didn't realise until the rash appeared, I explained to her teacher that the rash might flare up in sunlight but that she was fine and wasn't contagious.

About 30 mins later DH got a call asking us to collect DD, he explained again that she wasn't contagious and was perfectly well, but they said they'd sent two pregnant teachers to the hospital and felt she shouldn't be in school.

It took DH going into see the head in his Paramedic uniform to pursuade them she was fine to be in school and that they may have over reacted.

Chummybud1 Tue 19-Jul-11 20:10:13

Teacher: I have just witnessed something amazing and had I not seen it with my own eyes I would not believe it.
Your sons glasses have just been blown off his face by the wind and now we can only find the lenses.

Hi there I am afraid your son has come to school today wearing odd shoes. Not just odd but both left footed.

Ilythia Tue 19-Jul-11 20:11:23

My 'favourite' was while I was on lunch just before a very important lesson obs, no missed calls, and the phone rings

School: Hello, Mrs Ilythia? This is DD1's school, we are just ringing to say she has had a nasty fall and has cut her chin quite badly, it is bleeding rather a lot.
Me - oh god, right, I can be there in 20 minutes, is she ok otehrwise?
School - Oh she's fine, she is back in lessons, we spoke to your DH and he has come up, cleaned her up, checked her over and she asked to stay in school.
Me - so wth are you ringing me now then?
School - we just thought you would like to know.

Cue me wasting my prep time ringing DH, to find he had specifically told themn not to call me, and had not rung so that I could concentrate. Lovely.

Jacksmania Tue 19-Jul-11 20:15:56

These are making me grin

Mizza76 Tue 19-Jul-11 20:20:28

Last year my daughter's school kept on closing every time it snowed - or threatened to snow. One day there were reports that it was going to snow at 5pm - so although school ends at 15.30, they closed down. However, they were having problems with their text message system and I didn't get the message until another parent phoned me at 13.30, as they were closing.

I absolutely could not pick up my daughter and couldn't find anyone else to do it so called the school, who reassured me that they could keep her until 15.30 as usual if neccessary. I didn't feel too bad because there was no snow on the ground and forgot about it. About an hour later, I got a phone call from the notoriously aggressive headmistress, telling me that my daughter was "the last child here" and she was the last teacher there, looking after her, and why hadn't I picked her up?

I explained why I couldn't come in early and that the school had assured me that was ok. After she grilled me about who I had spoken to, she basically told me that I had to pick her up RIGHT NOW as she was being personally inconvenienced.

Of course I called my husband in panic and dragged him out of a meeting to go pick our daughter up - I had visions of my poor 4-year-old sitting all alone in that dragon's office...

When he got there, he discovered at least a dozen kids and several teachers. I still can't believe that the headmistress lied outright to me. And even worse, I later discovered she had asked someone I know to take her home - without my permission!

Still shock at the whole thing.

PaperView Tue 19-Jul-11 20:22:22

"Mrs PaperView can you come and collect MiddleView. He was involved in a scuffle with another child and he has a tooth in his forehead."

Turns out that DS2 HAD bumped into another child who's loose tooth had come out and DS2 had banged his head on the wall - there was no tooth in his head.

Ringosbaby Tue 19-Jul-11 20:23:12

"Hello Ringo, just phoning to let you know your DD has been hit in the face with a brick"

Me- "What??!! When where is she ok?"

"Yes, yes she's happy as can be, Lucky it wasn't near her eye eh?"

Me- "A brick??!! I'm on my way."

Ran all the way to school (was 9mths pg and couldn't fit behind wheel of car)

DD had been hit in the face with a duplo brick.

It was to do with handcuffs and as to whether we had a spare key. We did not. They were NOT our handcuffs!

I don't think they believed me. I still cringe when I think about it.

Busters grin

BerylOfLaughs Tue 19-Jul-11 20:27:46

Mizza, that's shocking. I'd write a letter to the governors.

Got one to say DS' arm had broken off his glasses and did I mind if they sellotaped them back together. They wanted to check incase they ruined them and had wanted my permission so they weren't responsible - the bloody things were broken how exactly could sellotaping them together 'ruin' them. confused

Or course I just said ' that's fine, use strong tape he'll be wearing them as it take about a week for the replacement pair' grin

dd was in a lesson where deputy head was trying to get dc to eat different foods, dd kept refusing saying i'm not eating as i feel sick, the deputy head forced food into dd's mouth, saying you will do as your told, you don't feel sick at all your just an awkward child, oops she vomited all over him, he was very smelly and red faced when we arrived at school to pick dd up.

Ilythia Tue 19-Jul-11 20:35:24

MIzza, I once got out of a lesson to find a message 30 minuts old saying that the electricity had gone out and they were shutting the school, and we were to collect children asap.

I called school in a panic NO ANSWER.
Then I spotted I had another text from my friend, who ahd picked up DD1 and taken her home. It was early september. It was daylight. It was warm. I have no clue why they needed to get all the kids out in half an hour. ffs.

nancy75 Tue 19-Jul-11 20:35:30

I frequently get phone calls about my teenage ds bunking of school - at least once a week for the last year

The fact that I only have a 5yr old dd that doesn't go to the school doesn't stop them from phoning and telling me off.

On one occasion after i had explained in very easy to understand words that the child wasn't mine the person on from the school asked me if there was any chance I could find the mother and get her to ring them! they can't seem to understand that they have the wrong number on their records!

FuzzpigFourFiveSix Tue 19-Jul-11 20:38:09

This thread is brilliant grin

Ilythia Tue 19-Jul-11 20:39:19

OH yes, I am always getting calls from a local school about my son truanting.
I tell them I am not Mrs Jones. They read my number out. I confirm it is my number but I am not Mrs Jones and I don't have a son.
Then they call me again next week. Scary stuff tbh. I know all about this boy, his full name, where he lives, I could probably cobble together a passable timetable for him as well. Twats.

the day ds started school he came out crying with his new friend i asked what's wrong, ds replied friend had bought balloons into school and they had been blowing them up at lunchtime, his friend was crying as he had taken them from his mums drawer and would be in trouble, i said ok where are they i'll say they are mine and get them back, i went to the headteacher and asked for them back, she handed me a large box of condoms,saying i don't think these are yours, i was 8 months pregnant at the time lol

StartAllOver Tue 19-Jul-11 21:07:43

Ha ha ha to the condoms!!

When me and my brother were little the school had a police car, ambulance and fire engine there and all the children would go out class by class to sit in and hear all about the emergency services.

I dont remember exactly how it played out but it ended up with me having to sit in the reception waaaaay after school had finished as my mum was down the police station with my brother because he had handcuffed himself and they were having trouble finding the key!!

emmanumber3 Tue 19-Jul-11 21:13:38

Some of these are sooo funny grin.

All I've had is a call to tell me the interschool hockey tournament had been cancelled. DS2 has never played hockey confused. I thanked them for the information in any case.

Mizza76 Tue 19-Jul-11 21:24:53

Beryloflaughs - I was honestly too scared of this woman, who had a reputation for making life difficult for kids whose parents confronted her. She has since retired. And we moved our daughter to another school for Reception :-)

blushingm Tue 19-Jul-11 21:25:05

i had a call from the rather po faced head mistress to tell me there had been an incident involving ds - cue terrible things running through my mind involving violence, accident, fire, death

he had typed 'ladies chest area' into google - rook me a while to realise she meant boobies blush

MarianH Tue 19-Jul-11 21:30:52

DD was in reception class. I had a phone call on Christmas dinner day. They were ringing to apologise. They were really, really sorry - DD had gone in for dinner before they'd had chance to pin her vegetarian badge on her and had sat down to a full turkey dinner with all the trimmings. I am fairly relaxed about this and told them not to worry about it. The receptionist told me that if was any consolation, she'd really enjoyed it and eaten the lot! grin

samels001 Tue 19-Jul-11 21:37:48

Thank you , thank you , thank you OP. Best thread of 2011! grin

LMAO at some of these!

I am really starting to look forward to the possible amusing phonecalls when (18 month old) DS starts school in a few years time!

t0lk13n Tue 19-Jul-11 21:53:16


Thank God it's not just my child, InfestationOfLannisters.

School secretary: "Ms DBF, can you please come and collect 6yo DBF? She needs a doctor."


What? Why? How? WHAT???!!!

School Secretary: "She's managed to put a piece of rubber in her ear and we can't get it out".

The GP practices nurse subsequently removed not one but two pieces of the front of her trainer from DDs ear... together with a small pebble! hmm

Why she did it is a mystery to me still, 8 years on.

dyzzidi Tue 19-Jul-11 22:02:46

TA:Mrs Dyzzi you DD has been involved in an accident she was behinda a door when a teacher opened it pinning your dd to the wall and the handle seems to have given her a black eye!
Me:OK do I need to pick her up?
TA: She has stopped crying now and is fine but if you want to complain the the Head he is not here later. Your DD has been given a sticker for being brave!
Me: Did the teacher hit her on purpose?
TA: HMMM i don;t think so shall I ask?
Me : No I am sure it was an accident I don't need to speak to the head teacher

I had one completely unaware DD who had no idea that the whole school was terrified I would make a formal complaint.

thesunshinesbrightly Tue 19-Jul-11 22:03:32

'Hi can you come and pick your DD up as she has nits and complaining of toothache,she said she told you this morning'

my reply ' no she never said anything to me' que a confused and a hmm

I go up to the school expecting my DD

'err excuse me this is not my DD'

Reply ' oh it isn't, i'm really sorry....don't suppose you want too take this one home do you'

grin confused hmm

TheSecondComing Tue 19-Jul-11 22:04:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 19-Jul-11 22:10:07

Phone call from my daughters's y8 teacher at the time, worried that when asked to write down "what she was looking forward to about going into Y9" (one of those touchy-feely type excercises) wrote "The last day of term". I had to go in and see the teacher and head of year together and had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing as that is exactly the sort of thing I would have written. They wanted to know was she unhappy at school, did she need any counselling.......

Foyled Tue 19-Jul-11 22:12:43

DD1 on study leave, drop DD2 at school and head home intending to wake up DD1 so she can study before I go on to work, thinking what a good parent am I. School phones "Where is DD1 she should be doing a mock Maths GCSE!" Good lesson for the real ones (she had given me the correct info I had just forgotten it) had to give her a pep talk "don't rely on your mother, I make mistakes sometimes."

DD2 phone call "Don't worry but DD2 has sat on a pencil, don't worry the pencil didn't break (I knew what they meant) but work colleague did say "well as long as the pencil is alright".

Phone call "DD2 has just discovered she has a collection of screwdrivers in her blazer pocket, could you collect them from the school please?" (DIY session at Grandma's the previous evening with DH).

confuseddotcodotuk Tue 19-Jul-11 22:16:00

I'm loving these grin Marking my place!

-'Mrs Chocolate we are very concerned about your child's language'
-'She keeps calling her brother a rather unfortunate name'.
-'Really? What's that then'.
-'Well she just keeps saying he's a complete bastard'.
-'Hmm that sounds unlikely'
-'I can assure you she is' <sound of child being called over> 'tell mummy what you said about your brother'.
-'He's a complete pest head'.
-'Umm yes, she has a slight speech delay, he's a pest head. And she's right, he is.'


LynetteScavo Tue 19-Jul-11 22:28:41

Secretary; "Hello Mrs Scavo, When you popped into the office earlier to give us your new address, I didn't feel able to ask if all of the family were moving with you."

Me; "Er, yes, all the children are moving house too. confused"

Secretary; "What I mean is, is your husband moving too?"

Me; "Er, yes, he followed me here."

Secretary; "As my son would say, whatever."

What I didn't say, but thought; I did give you my new address, you know I'm a SAHM, how the hell do you think I could afford the mortgage on this place without DH?

We have to inform you of a serious act of plagiarisim!
He had signed his weekly planner! First thing he had ever done thought it was a slight over reaction.
Especially when she left 'the punishment of choice'?! For me to dish out :-0

TrulySlumptious Tue 19-Jul-11 22:50:11

Secretary; "Could you please fetch L some knickers to school ASAP?"

Me; Why?

Secretary; L forgot to put her knickers back on after swimming and has come home on the coach without them.

They did try and get her to use one of their spare pairs but she refused to even consider some secondhand knickers. hmm

hiddenhome Tue 19-Jul-11 22:52:36

The Headmistress phoned me to explain that one of the parent helpers had just physically accosted my ds1 in the playground hmm

She was a psycho alpha mum grin

bran Tue 19-Jul-11 22:53:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kestryn Tue 19-Jul-11 22:55:44

This has to end up in Classics grin

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Tue 19-Jul-11 22:57:06

Arf at Cointreau Kate grin

erm, I can't believe I have just, out of academic curiosity, googled ladies chest area blush

I didn't take the call as such but

I did my A-levels when I was 20, and decided to attend the school full time as a normal student. As I was living partly at my parents and mostly with my BF as he was local to the school and my bar job, and I had no car,I had to put my own contact detail;s down as to who the contact if I didn't turn up, as I was my own legal guardian confused

One of my teachers was a good friend and I had lent him my mobile phone as his battery was flat to make a call over the lunch time. He still had it during a after noon lesson when it rang, so the cheeky sod answered it in front of everyone smile

Teach: hello?

Teach: No she's otherwise engaged at the moment can I take a message?

Teach: she's not attended school today? <sniggers>, and you need to her to call in and say why she's absent?

Teach: <To me> I've got Mrs <receptionist> on the phone she says you're not here you naughty girl. <to phone> Hello Mrs Receptionist it's Mr Bloggs how are you. What am I doing? Teaching! No she really is here. <to me> Shout hello Honeydragon!

Me: Hi

Teach: Honestly I'm not making this up she's here.

Teach:I borrowed her phone........no I'm not really being appropriate no......Hang on I'll ask <to me> Honeydragon were you here this morning too?

and so it went on grin

As the rest of the class was made up of 16/17 year olds this went down a storm grin

brickingit Tue 19-Jul-11 22:57:33

Had to make a call to a parent from school a couple of months ago:

Me: Hello, Mrs S, I'm afraid your DS has had to be taken to A&E; nothing serious..

Mrs S: Oh fuck, what did he do now?

Me: Well, he was throwing sticks at the seagulls on the pavilion and one of them attacked him.

Mrs S: (Long pause, then...) Tell him he needs a better story than that for when his Dad gets home!

Fourth day back after the Easter Holidays:

Secretary: "I'm just calling to ask where ds is, as he isn't in school"
Me: "No, that's because he left your school at the end of last term and started his new one on Monday"
Secretary: "I'm very sorry to have bothered you."
Me: puts phone down and says to my colleague, "and he wasn't there the last three days either, it's taken them long enough to inform me", then start laughing (well it was kinda surreal, and sums up the whole school in a nutshell)

startail Tue 19-Jul-11 23:42:55

DD1: Mum, Matron says can you collect me.
Me: Why?
DD1: I've hurt my neck in PE.
Me: How?
DD1: I stood up.

imogengladheart Wed 20-Jul-11 00:05:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chipmonkey Wed 20-Jul-11 00:34:50

I have always explained to the boys school that there is no point in calling my mobile as I can't answer it in work, so to call the front desk in work. If it's urgent they will fetch me.

So one day, there are five missed calls on my mobile from the school. dh phones the front desk in work to say that he has been called by school to say that ds2 has no lunch and no schoolbag. I know that I say ds2 walk away from me that morning with said schoolbag on his back so am perplexed as to how he can have lost it in the 100m he had to walk to get to school. Check the car anyway just in case I am wrong, no schoolbag.

Ring SIL who is a SAHM and lives nearby to please bring a lunch in for ds2. ( hate asking favours of SIL but have no choice)

SIL brings in lunch for ds2 and hands it to his teacher who looks surprised and says ds2 has his lunch and on further investigation also has his schoolbag. SIL phones dh to tell him this, sounds a bit irritated at having been put out for nothing ( This is why I hate asking favours of SIL)

Later principal rings to apologise and explain that it is the little chap in the year below ds2 but who shares the same name who actually had no schoolbag.

Innamin Wed 20-Jul-11 00:49:56

I got an alarming call once saying could I please come to the school immediately. The receptionist said that my daughter (5) was perfectly happy but seemed to have very red poo and the teacher was worried it could be something serious.
I of course went and dd was fine and happy so rather than rush her to a&e I came home, googled and score for mumsnet - top hit....

OP: "aaarrrrgh my baby has red poo!!!!"
1st Answer: "has he eaten strawberry jelly?"
OP: " oh. yeah. that'd be it"

So not internal bleeding then.

Halbwahrheiten Wed 20-Jul-11 04:22:04


Al0uiseG Wed 20-Jul-11 04:44:20

MrsG, could you please collect your son as he fainted during sex education. grin

MalibuStac Wed 20-Jul-11 04:53:30

These are brilliant, don't have any but loving reading them grin

nooka Wed 20-Jul-11 05:16:32

I can't remember any funny phone calls, but we did get what I thought was a very funny letter. ds wasn't the best behaved child, and one day high spirits obviously got the better of him. the letter very solemnly told us how he had called a teacher "Mrs Poo Poo head", and then someone else "Mrs Willy" and then even after being told off he managed to call another teacher something equally rude. It was very very hard to keep a straight face and tell him off when he handed the letter over grin

Olipop Wed 20-Jul-11 06:55:40

These are fab..marking my place for later.

Ceiniog Wed 20-Jul-11 07:09:23

I've especially joined this site just now to comment on how funny this thread is! "Cointreau Katie!", "Mummy's special balloons "...."The Turkey/Veggie Christmas dinner!" Oh - my word. You couldn't make it up smile Thank you. xx

sunnydelight Wed 20-Jul-11 07:14:02

Call from school office "Hi Sunny, looks like DS1 has broken his finger playing rugby AGAIN, he needs to go to the hospital. Oh, and can we take a photo please, it's at a 45 degree angle and looks totally gross so we'd like a photo for our next first aid training".

gorionine Wed 20-Jul-11 07:23:12

Thanks everybody ! now i will be late in school because I just cannot close that thread. I am in tears laughing. I wish I could contribute but I rarely get phonecalls from school and they do usually make sense.

My favourite was Next time she saw me, SchoolNurse laughed 'Thank goodness these breaks happened at school or else someone would be asking questions about your parenting! Haha!' oh the irony

and halb did you answer anything to the "so who is in the toilet then?"

gorionine Wed 20-Jul-11 07:30:26

Al0uiseG, It happened to someone in my DS's class last week too! Do we know each other maybe?

Al0uiseG Wed 20-Jul-11 07:36:01

It happened to ds when he was in year 6, he's now in year 8. He does still faint at first aid or dissection or anything involving bodies really. The school are used to him and can see him "start to go" and excuse him.

So we might know each other, North Essex?

Tee2072 Wed 20-Jul-11 08:09:31

Ah the things I have to look forward to!

Keep them coming!

EmJayg Wed 20-Jul-11 08:24:15

Not all that funny but rather worrying for me was when the school secretary phoned me repeatedly on my mobile and then phoned me at work. I answered and
she said have you not seen your missed calls?
Me: Scrambles about see 5 missed calls - cue panic!
Me: I am at work, whats happened? (heart in mouth, it must be serious what happened to him, is he in hospital?)
SS: I am ringing to say you are £3 behind on school dinners.
Me: Is that it???????
SS: Well we need regular payment, and I would appreciate it if you would answer your phone!

OMG what a muppet, it took me ages to calm down after that, I wanted to rush to school to check DS was really ok!

Halbwahrheiten Wed 20-Jul-11 09:10:43

gorionine I asked her how I was supposed to know, to which I got a bit of a verbal shrug.. I'm assuming she was just thinking out loud. I can actually imagine the panic, because the toilet in question isn't one with a cubicle, it's a full door with a bolt. And the door kind of sticks, I locked myself in there by accident when I was 41 weeks pregnant and had to pull it really rather hard.. but the question was just priceless, especially because she probably somehow realised that DS hadn't been in.

aquafunf Wed 20-Jul-11 09:33:58

largeglassofred- my dd (13) actually got a prize for having her planner signed all term- she had forged dhs signature and just carried on throughout the term blush. mind you this is the child who took her punishment for lolling around on the school field well. she was supposed to litter pick the following day. Cue another lunch hour lolling around on the school field, followed by emptying the litter bin into her bag and handing it in.

DooinMeCleanin Wed 20-Jul-11 09:34:32

Not a phone call but a chat with the TA at pick up time.

TA: What did dd1 have for breakfast this morning?
Me: Erm, cereal, a yoghurt and a half an egg sandwhich. She was very hungry this morning. Why?
TA: She has stole a biscuit from the teachers cuboard. She said she did it because you haven't fed her for three days, because you are too busy drinking special pop
Me: shock

I have no idea why she said what they did, but it was quite worrying that they thought this could be true.

DS4 (almost 14)

His High School has 2,200 pupils - with about 200 of them who actually go in, do their work and dont misbehave. Very rough school.

DS4 is hardly ever off. Had a bad night with asthma and hay fever. Rang school and explained (to the answer machine) the situation.

10 minutes later home phone rings. "Mrs Pinkfrog do you know your son is not in school?' 'Errrrr yes I just rang the attendance line to tell you he wasn't coming in.' 'Oh we wondered who it was who had rung!!!' I gave my name and my sons name!!

30 minutes later mobile rings. 'Mrs Pinkfrog - did you know your son is not in school' 'Errrrr yes I just rang the attendance line and YOU just rung my home phone.'

'Oh did we? We have many calls from people pretending to be the parents' 'Errrr well can I assure you I am his Mum.....do you need to know what happened at his birth? Do you need to know he was 20 days overdue????' 'No not really, just need to check.'

Followed by an email....and a second call to my mobile (all from the same teacher) If DS4 was a bad 'un or had ever played truant I could understand it. When I sent a note in explaining his absence the same teacher said 'Thank you, but tell your Mum we dont need a note!!!'

<<bangs head in wall over and over again>>

CrystalsandDiamonds Wed 20-Jul-11 09:37:24

my mum got rang by my school that I had graduated from the year before and was told that I had not been into school for the last week and my mum was like that might have something to do with the fact that she graduated last year, and then got quizzed if she was sure, she was not to impressed with that so then asked them why if they believed I had been truanting for the past week they had not rang her as they were not meeting their legal obligations

startail Wed 20-Jul-11 10:04:02

Aquafunf litter picking was our heads punishment at senior school.
The procedure was simple, find the fullest class bin you could, wander round the front of school where head could see you pick up a bit of litter. Chat to mates for the rest of lunch time. Add a bit of extra rubbish from the bin by the bus stop (well used and easy to empty)
present full bin to Headwink

Only had the one (DS is 5 so plenty of time yet!)

Sch: could you pop into school, DS has been in an incident with another child and has a bloody nose. We can't get it to stop
Me: (automatically assuming DS has been his normal dyspraxic self and tripped and maybe butted other child) I'll be straight in, is the other boy ok?
Sch: oh yes he's fine and being dealt with........

Other child had hit DS in the face with a massive plastic tractor. Him being "dealt with" was his parents being called too as it was the last of a long line of similar offence that week!

gorionine Wed 20-Jul-11 10:14:25

Al0uiseG, It happened recently in Ds's class (y5) so maybe it is more common than we think?smile

Cedise Wed 20-Jul-11 10:15:42

My friend is a single working mum, and I'm the alternative emergency contact for her DD. The school rang me one day during one of the recent norovirus outbreaks, friend's DD (13 at the time) felt very sick and was lying down in the sick room, could I come pick her up. I drove 45 minutes to the school, DD came out looking absolutely fine and said she felt better but the school insisted I take her home as she felt sick. Turned out DD had been cooking lamb in HE and as she hates lamb the smell had turned her stomach. I had to drive her 30 minutes back to her house, then 45 minutes back to my house. My friend threatened her DD to not say she felt ill at school unless there was actual blood or bodily fluids coming out grin

AnneWiddecomesArse Wed 20-Jul-11 10:28:18

School Reception "Mrs Arse. Little Arselet has fallen over her feet again"
Me "What's the damage this time ?"
Reception "We think it's just a couple of fingers, hopefully the arm cast took the brunt of it, but her nose is a bit of a bloody mess, the bleeding's stopped and we dont think it's broken, but it is cut and sore".
So for the second time within 3 days, I sat in A&E with a child who was already plaster cast with a broken arm and a face that looked like she'd had an arguement with a Rotweiler.
I got many "looks".
Arselet explained latest accident (in great detail) to triage nurse (bizarre,; and a nose dive into a traffic cone from a height).It was my 5th visit to A&E in 6 months. She's already broken the other arm and later wrist within two months of each other.
Triage disappeared with a cat's bum mouth. I had visions of being carted away by the police. Then she came back all smiles, (luckily an an older nurse that had I presume had the sense to check), and said to Arselet "School says that you're a bit of a tomboy; is that right? "
Arselet "Yes Mrs xxxxx (School reception) says that she has my mummy on speed dial because I'm a tomboy and a right clumsy bugger. She says that she is reteating this year and would like to live that long without an art attack".
(School receptionist was a lovely Northern lady who was retiring and would have liked to have done so without having a heart attack caused by my PFB)
I thank God that every incident happened at school and that she grew out of the Kamakazi phase.

TeaspoonThief Wed 20-Jul-11 10:30:50

mobile phone goes as i'm helping to paint the set for a pantomime in the village hall

Me "Hello"
TA "Mrs TT can you come and collect DS2 we think he might have slapped cheek - it's going round"
me "Yes can you give me ten minutes i'm lying under a giant pumpkin trying to paint it and my paint will dry out"
TA "Yes ok"
TA thinks i've hung up
Teacher (obv in room too) "Is she on her way?"
TA "Yes in a mo ................
......... i'm sure she said she was trapped under a giant pumpkin"

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Wed 20-Jul-11 10:42:53

<small hijack>

Oi AnneWiddecombesArse!!!!!!

You haven't updated, has dh accepted your newest pinkest oinkiest arrival, Squirt? grin

<hopes Squirt is ok and will have a happy ending>

As you were
<waves imperiously>

Al0uiseG Wed 20-Jul-11 10:49:01

Gorionine Just told ds that fainting during sex ed was quite normal after all. Apparently he got through the sex just fine but fainted at the birth grin

I remembered another one when in bed last night that was relayed to me by DS1 at home when he was, I think, Year 1 so still quite young. And quite the joker (still is). He told me he'd been sent to the headteacher's office for being racist. I was concerned and perplexed as a) the school hadn't called me/seen me when I'd collected him an b) he literally didn't have a racist inclination in his head - his best friend was black, and his two other close friends were asian.

I asked the headteacher about it after school that day as she happened to be at the gate overseeing the children being collected. Transpires the class were sitting on the carpet and the teacher was calling out letters of the alphabet to which the kids were supposed to put up their hands with items/words that began with that letter. When the teacher said 'K!' DS1, in an attempt to make his classmates laugh, shouted out 'KNICKERS!'. Which had the desired effect - the class erupted. The teacher, however, thought he'd called out niggers. And, suitably outraged, sent him to the headteacher. The headteacher, taking into account DS1's confusion, his past behaviour and the fact that ALL of his close friends were multi-racial, decided it wasn't 'meant in a derogatory racial way'.

I felt OH-SO smug as I pointed out to the Headmistress that the letter was K and DS1 had said knickers NOT niggers. So, he was infact being quite clever, given it was a silent letter, rather than racist and refrained from wondering if her teachers were infact illierate but did concede he was naughty to have shouted it out rather than put his hand up.

AnneWiddecomesArse Wed 20-Jul-11 10:59:13

I haven't even mentioned piglet to DH. I was going to. But then I realised how stupid, foolhardy and impulsive I was being.
He is away with work for 11 days from Friday.

When he comes back, we will have a piglet; Squirt is being delivered next Thursday. I feel very bad and very quilty and very irresponsible and very deceitful. It's a foolish thing to do. I know nothing about keeping a pig. But my lovely neighbour is a livestock manager for the biggest farmer around here and is helping me; and it's his relative that's sold me the Squirt.
Poor DH has been on hamster burial duty for the last year. I think a pig might send him over the edge.

I'll take a 'photo as soon as Squirt arrives. At the moment I'm doing 5.30am to 11pm with work and am not seeing daylight.

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Wed 20-Jul-11 11:12:19

Poor Dh ..... Although it sounds like he is s bit like my dh, a fair accomplis is met with a weary resigned shrug, and after a few days some enthusiasm wink

Hope you get some down time soon Anne, thanks for the update.

NerfHerder Wed 20-Jul-11 11:21:34

Ceiniog welcome to MN! smile

Go and check out 'Mumsnet Classics' for a good laugh, then click on 'Active Conversations' and get stuck in... you'll never leave! grin

Fimbo Wed 20-Jul-11 11:36:15

I have requested that this go in Classics. Can someone else do it too please? grin

OMG @ being trapped under a pumpkin, that is sooo hilarious smile

Never had any odd phone calls from school, but once arrived at DD's Kindergarten to another child running over to me saying "The ambulance is on the way for Mini Manatee" (panic), went in to see the teacher giving DDs details on the phone (major panic). Then I realise she is standing in the playground, facing a wooden post, with a small crowd of children around her. She had trapped her finger in a random loop sticking out of the wood (crap Steiner School H&S). hmm

Mavend Wed 20-Jul-11 12:07:27

just checking in to say the shoe is still MIA.DC has gone to school in trainers.On questionning ds as to why he took his shoes off in the first place he looked at me and said seriously "Well,we were playing football and had no goalposts,so we used my shoes.I had to be the goalkeeper,obviously,because you don't have to do much running that would have been difficult without shoes".Children you've got to love them.

have read all of the stories on here,very funny.Think the "pocket billiards" one is my current favourite.Thank you all for making me laugh!!

BoydieH Wed 20-Jul-11 12:25:05

My boss got an indignant call to ask why her child was not in school and she had to inform them because she was on a trip, with the school..... Hmmmm.

Machin11 Wed 20-Jul-11 12:27:34

Just marking this thread so I get to read the rest later!! Brilliant

LollyT Wed 20-Jul-11 13:00:03

Received the following from the schools text system:

Text 1
Age 5 John Rocha blue coat with corduroy collar and cuffs has gone missing from class 2. If you come across it please hand it in to school reception.

Text 2- two minutes later
In case there is any confusion, the last text message concerned the loss of a child's coat with a John Rocha label and NOT the child itself.

SeniorWrangler Wed 20-Jul-11 13:06:43

Nursery assistant: Hello, Dr SeniorWrangler, could you come to get your DS immediately please, he has a spot on his chest. (note: This type of call generally happened once a fortnight).

Me: <sighs>I have just got off a plane in Munich. Is it a bad enough spot for me to go back into the airport, buy a full price ticket at about £600 to fly back to the UK immediately on the next available plane, and travel back up to nursery from Heathrow in a taxi to collect him? I can, but it will take me about six hours or so. Or DH can come but he is three hours away from you today.

Assistant: Well it's only one little spot and he hasn't got anything else wrong with him, so it's probably not infectious. No, you don't need to fly back. He'll be fine here until the end of the day.

WTF did they ring me for, then?????????

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Wed 20-Jul-11 13:10:25

grin loving these! looking forward to any calls when ds starts school in a few weeks, so i can add to this thread!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Wed 20-Jul-11 13:11:27

i would vote for this to go into Classics too btw.

lemonmousse Wed 20-Jul-11 13:20:18

I've actually made one of those phone calls to a parent:

Me: "Hello Mr.X - sorry to bother you at work, but we've tried your home number and your wife's mobile and little X is really feeling quite unwell - do you think you could pop over and pick him up?"

Mr X: "Weeeellllll, I'm actually in South Africa - would it be OK if I sent my mother?"


BerylOfLaughs Wed 20-Jul-11 13:21:21

Not from school but I just had a phone call asking me to confirm my DOB for something, I said X/Y/77 and they replied "Is that 1977?"

WTF? No, 1877, idiot.

coppertop Wed 20-Jul-11 13:21:27

When ds2 was in Reception I got a phone call late morning.

School: Hello, Mrs Coppertop. We wondered if you could bring another shoe into school for ds2 please.

Me: Another shoe??

School: Yes. He came in after playtime and asked Mrs X to help him tighten his shoe because it was loose. Mrs X noticed that one shoe was a size 9 and the other was a 12. Miss Y went over to the Yr3 class to see if your ds1 was wearing one of his brother's size 9s by mistake but he wasn't. So could you bring in another size 9 please?

StrandedBear Wed 20-Jul-11 13:57:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kateyfer Wed 20-Jul-11 13:57:24

I got a call from the (paid) nursery when DD was 12 months old to say "just to let you know your DD has had a nosebleed"

Me: Is she OK? how did it happen, did she fall and hit her nose on something?

nursery: <<sniggers>> um, no. actually she was sticking her finger up her nose off and on all morning, and the latest time she shoved it so far up, she caused a nose bleed. we just didn't want you to be panicked when you saw the bloody clothes!

me: <<guffaw!>>

ThePathanKhansWoman Wed 20-Jul-11 14:00:45

This thread is cracking me up!grin brilliant.

NerfHerder Wed 20-Jul-11 14:06:08

coppertop - that has made me laugh! My colleague once came in with 1 blue and 1 black shoe on... she claimed she'd grabbed them out of the wardrobe in the dark, but at least they were the same size!

marking my place grin love these but can't think of any at the minute!

Our school secretary - kind soul - phoned me at the end of term, and as soon as I picked up she rushed to reassure me that Dd was alright and DS was alright and nothing serious had occurred and I was not to worry.

Once that was out of the way, we came onto the main subject of the call: was I aware that there were some arrears on Dds dinner money.

Funny in hindsight (!)

InfestationofLannisters Wed 20-Jul-11 14:51:58

Oh the handcuffs story has reminded me of an awkward call I had to make to a parent once:

"It seems that your DS has brought them into school. He has chained a classmate's hands together. Could you possibly get here with the key?"

Worse still, the headteacher had just finished escorting some prospective parents around the school and was just finishing his spiel about how unacceptable behaviour was dealt with promptly and seriously only to be confronted by a tearful seven year old girl sitting outside the school office in cuffs.

MissyBrookes Wed 20-Jul-11 15:30:35

Marking my place - can't keep up with the rate of posts though! These are fantastic!!

Halbwahrheiten Wed 20-Jul-11 15:31:31

grin were they fluffy handcuffs?

Because fluffy handcuffs say 'We're firm, but fair' grin

fenner Wed 20-Jul-11 16:20:51

I was once asked to come to a school in a town 7 or 8 miles away to pick up a boy who had moved out of our house (before it was ours) 4 years earlier! I said they might want to ask his guardian for an up-to-date phone number.

fenner Wed 20-Jul-11 16:21:42

Of course that's totally lame after fluffly handcuffs...

Rehune Wed 20-Jul-11 16:25:55

THis is absolute gold!

Karacat Wed 20-Jul-11 16:39:27

My eldest had living and growing and I was told by his teacher to have a word with him as he spent the entire time with his fingers in his ears and his head bowed down, hmm how comfortable was everyone else watching this at school?!? Think it was female reproductive system and birth that week!!

Excellent thread.
Not a phonecall but when I went to pick up ds1 when he was in reception the teacher called me over and said "now I'm not wanting to panic you, but your son has got himself stuck"
Entered the classroom to find him stuck in chair by his arm, the caretaker followed us with soapy liquid after much pulling etc he said to my ds1 "I think we may have to saw it off" cue lots of loud screaming, my ds1 thought he had mean't his arm not the top of the chair.

wolveschick Wed 20-Jul-11 17:02:36

Call from DD1's headteacher when she was in Yr 1 'Can I just ask you Mrs Wolveschick if DD1 packed her own lunchbox today'. Answer: yes-she was being helpful (the week before her birthday). 'Thought so-it's just that she has brought 4 foil wrapped raw pork sausages instead of her sandwiches.' HT had had a stressful day and was ringing just to tell me how much it had made her laugh!!

DandyLioness Wed 20-Jul-11 17:16:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toomuchtea Wed 20-Jul-11 17:19:20

School: It's school here. It's about the horse.

Me: Oh. Right. Not the sheep? (Get frequent calls about sheep escaping from our field to DC's school field as school refuse to mend the fence, which is theirs.) I don't actually think we've got a pony there at the moment. Are you sure?

School: Of course we're sure!

Me: I'd better come and look then.

School: I really don't think that's necessary.

Me: Well, if it's not mine, it's an idea if someone finds out whose it is, and I might know.

School: We just want to tell you it's alright to have the day off for the vet.

Me: (Completely goggled now). Sorry. Really not with you.

School: It's alright for xxx to have the day off for the vet.

Me: (light dawns). Ah. xxxx moved out years ago. You're not the DC's school are you?

School: No.

walkersmum Wed 20-Jul-11 17:48:21

I love this thread ...........

HSMM Wed 20-Jul-11 17:58:55

We've done it the other way around. My DD was in the nurse's office at Secondary School. Nurse calls my DH - Your DD needs to be collected, because she's ill. My DH - Can't collect her, because I don't have enough seats in the car, she will need to come in a taxi.

Nurse goes back to my DD to ask why DH doesn't have enough seats in his car for himself and DD? Once DD had stopped laughing, she managed to explain that he is a Childminder and the car would be full of other people's children, with no room left for her.

(By the way ... the legal protocol to get your child sent home from school in a taxi is amazing - even though the taxi was ordered and paid for by DH)

I've remembered another one from when DS was in nursery. He'd fallen and ended up in A&E with badly cut mouth and lips and damaged tooth. He's been off nursery the following day with it.

So phone rings

Nursery manager: Um.... we've just noticed DS has a cut and swollen lip and seems to have chipped his tooth. I'm so sorry we don't know when this happened and it appears to have stopped bleeding. Would you like to come and look at it and decide if he needs to have it looked at?

Me: What the accident that happened at home 2 days ago which he attended A&E for?

NM: Oh right, I hate to be rude but you should really tell us about these things.

Me: I did, yesterday on the phone I spoke to deputy and then told you this morning.

NM: Did you?

Me: Yes, I knew you weren't listening especially when X mum walked in and you walked off in my mid sentence to chat to her about shopping. grin

She was known for having her 'favourite' mums but did seem to tone it down a bit after that.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Wed 20-Jul-11 20:39:09

still arfing at this thread, and youarekidding, well done you for putting her right!!

nix72 Wed 20-Jul-11 21:28:33

When my son was in year 1 the school rang me to tell me had been the victim of a vicious attack and was he up to date on his tetanus. Another boy had sunk his teeth into his leg and left full bite mark on his leg!

girnythecat Wed 20-Jul-11 21:29:10

Nursery manger called to say that DS aged 4 had managed to get a small pompom stuck up his nose. We agreed that staff could try to get it out with tweezers before I collected him and took him to A and E. They called back to say it was out so all was well until..............DS tells me on the way home that it was actually taken out with a paper clip. Cue return call from me screaming about the bleeding obvious differences between the stationery cupboard and the first aid kit.

MuddlingThru Wed 20-Jul-11 21:54:37

1st day at school (for PFB of course). 20 mins after dropping him off.
School: We were expecting ds1 to start school today.
Me: So was I, that's why I dropped him off 20 minutes ago.
School: .... (long pause)... We will go and check the classroom
A few minutes later:
School: There are 2 children with the same 1st name, there should be 1 in each class, both had been sent to the same class.

Later in the year.
School: 'DS1 has caught his private parts in his zip. We aren't able to check it though. Would you mind coming in to check he is alright?'

wonderif Wed 20-Jul-11 22:53:49

lol phone calls from school r so funny

mine, well mrs ..... u didnt send your daughter a lunch today !!!!

me, yes i did ,

her, no you didnt !!!!

me doubting myself ok, maybe i left it on the kitchen worktop.

was on way home and live local i will go get it and take it round, and then put phone down wtf am i going mad i put her lunch in her school bag.

phoned back could you please check her school bag,

her yes its ok we found it


ItsOscarTime Wed 20-Jul-11 23:06:00

Don't have any of my own to add as DS is only 3 months, but these are making me laugh smile . OP, I read your post as 'another child had thrown up on one of your DC's shoes' . Haha!

lem73 Thu 21-Jul-11 00:01:32

Thanks for all these stories! I have had a rubbish day and they've really cheered me up.

LittlePushka Thu 21-Jul-11 00:03:01

Sometimes in my job I have to divert my mobile to my fab secretary and she relayed this conversation to me after DS had fell and bit his lip ...

Nursery: "Hello, is that Mrs Pushka?"

Secretary: "No, she is in Court this afternoon, who is calling?

Nursery: "It is Nursery here, is she likely to be long?"

Secretary: " Not sure, it is for sentencing today, can I help?".

Nursery (hand over phone to colleague):Oh My God, Mrs Pushka could be going to prison, should I call Social Services? Or should it be the police?

Secretary (yelling) " HELLO,...NO NEED,... REALLY,...HELLO,......"

shock to think Nursery felt I was a fully paid up member of the criminal fraternity!!!!

HoneyNorwegianRidgebackdragon Thu 21-Jul-11 00:29:58

Pushka, that's hilarious grin

PurpleOne Thu 21-Jul-11 04:16:43

I had a phone call at work a few years back when dd2 was in primary.

....'miss purple?'
me 'uhm yes?'
...its the ...school here, your dd2 has a stomach upset, can you collect her?'
me 'i'll be a while as i have to get the bus, is she ok?'
... 'you'll need more than the bus miss purple, to be honest, she's covered in shit'....
me....'shock shock shock
moreso at the language used, i had to lol, dd2 was ok in the end, just a bit of constipated overflow

pippitysqueakity Thu 21-Jul-11 06:50:42


Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 21-Jul-11 07:02:03

Just told ds that fainting during sex ed was quite normal after all. Apparently he got through the sex just fine but fainted at the birth

AlouiseG, I gather this is not an uncommon reaction for many men. Your son is just getting a headstart.

I cannot stop laughing at the seven year old in handcuffs. That's wonderful.

RustyBear Thu 21-Jul-11 07:12:37

DandyLioness - your post reminds me of the time at playgroup when DD and her friend were doing painting and told the playgroup leader they didn't know what to paint, and she said "Why don't you paint each other?"

So they did....

LadyBlaBlah Thu 21-Jul-11 07:54:28

Teacher: "Just calling to let you know that we will be doing some work with coconuts next week. Is DS OK with them?" <DS has peanut allergy>

Marking my place! :-)

Loving this thread, almost disappointed that I have a few years til I'll get any phone calls myself (bump is currently 15 weeks)

Marlinspike Thu 21-Jul-11 08:12:58

"Good afternoon Marlin, I'm just phoning to say your DD isn't in any trouble, but I've pulled her out of a lesson to talk to her as another girl was getting upset because DD hasn't invited her to her party."

I was hmm then angry

lizzieloubee1 Thu 21-Jul-11 08:44:09

My mum got this about me confused

School nurse: Hello, is that Mrs Lizzieloubee1?
Mum: Yes, what's happened?
School: Well, her new teacher thought she looked quite pale and sent her up her
Mum: Is she ill?
School: She says not, but she does look quite pale.
Mum: That's her default setting, send her back to class!

Pale was, and still is, my natural colour. Maybe she was confused becuase all the other girls wore make-up applied with a trowel

bonkers20 Thu 21-Jul-11 09:04:25

Thank you so much! I've had a rubbish morning and now I am smiling!

pollyglot1 Thu 21-Jul-11 09:35:23

Got called out of a meeting to take school phone call - DS (10) at school football match had asked TA if it was appropriate to shout out "The referee's a W*****". When she said no it was't he said it quietly to a friend, andother TA overheard, he was marched back to school in disgrace. When I asked him about it he said she said it wasn't appropriate to shout it!

i had a phonecall from head,
head: please don't sue the school,
me: why whats happened?
head: teacher grabbed your ds from 3rd floor banister as he was walking along it, and scared the teacher, he thought ds might fall.
me: why was ds out of lesson?
head: as your ds has severe adhd we can't cope with him and we put him outside every lesson to run his energy off.
me:how long has this been going on for?
head: 2yrs,but we have now decided to send him home 4days a week so he don't get that bored again.

EmJayg Thu 21-Jul-11 09:55:32

@davidsotherhalf, really??? OMG I would be suing the pants off them!

muddyangels123nomoreHPforme Thu 21-Jul-11 10:22:51

When DS1 was 5 or 6 he was being bullied in class by the teachers favourite pupil.
The teacher didn't believe DS1 or me and said "Johnny" was such a nice boy( he was a little s**t!).

Anyway, one day i got a phone call to say that DS1 & "Johnny" had had a fight in the classroom. The teacher had tried to stop it and had taken "Johnnys" side of things & DS1 was to blame etc.. and that they couldn't believe what my son had said to the teacher as DS1 is from a good Catholic home.
Apparently, my son had told the teacher that if she didn't sort out "Johnny" his Gramps(DGD), would come to school & sort her out.blush

We phoned DGD up after i collected DS1 from school, i was very blush.
Told him what DS1 had said & all DGD did was laugh and said welldone little Muddy i told you to tell the next person to bully you that i would come to school and sort them out.

He did phone the school & apologise.

JanMorrow Thu 21-Jul-11 10:59:17

was the referee being a wanker polly? THAT is the question.

Raahh Thu 21-Jul-11 11:14:09

i haven't had any funny phone calls- but a funny conversation dh had at his last governers' meeting. Bit of background- dd is 4, and currently in reception. She is a little accident prone. Since September she has averaged 2 'bump' letters a week.grin

Gov1- we are trying to get funding to get the play area re-surfaced. There seems to be a lot of accidents lately.
DH (shamefaced)- yeah...sorry about that...most of them will be dd1...
Gov1- no! it's great! She is single handedly giving us the evidence we need to get the money!
Dh- er, great! Keep up the good work, then, dd1!

(they aren't major injuries, by the way, and probably nothing to do with the surface) We hope there will be plaque to honour her contribution....grin

wheresthepimms Thu 21-Jul-11 11:42:41

head teacher - Mrs pimms please come pick up you DS he has banged his head
me - what again? you sent him home yesterday to get his head glued back together after it got shut in a toilet door
head teacher - hang on........oh yes we can see the glue now, no need he hasn't cut it again

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Thu 21-Jul-11 11:49:21

School: Er...hello Saggy, erm....this is a little bit delicate......
Me: Well...?
School: Erm, well im afraid that littlecat (reception age) came to school today with no knickers on....were you aware?
Me: Well no, of course not.
School: We didnt notice till circle time, the students sit cross legged on the floor....
Me: <stifled snigger> oops!...

Saggyoldclothcatpuss Thu 21-Jul-11 12:00:26

Head: I wanted to speak to you whilst you are at work about littlecats lunch.
Me: okaaay?
Head: Well I think that she is having too much salad. Id like you to give her less, in my house, we have small portions so that we can clear the plate. She is leaving food in her lunch box.
Me: Well I appreciate your input, but in my house, its quite acceptable to leave food on your plate, we eat until we are full.
Head: Well I dont think you are giving her a very good message.
Me: well as Im a trained chef, and her mother , I think im probably slightly better qualified. Dont you?

had phonecall from school saying i had to attend meeting as ds2 was diagnosed with school phobia and hadn't attended school for 6 months.
after the meeting i was stopped by ds old maths teacher, he said i have just been teaching ds he is doing really well , he did x,y,z earlier on in the week, he's a great pupil, i asked for name of pupil he was talking about, he said my ds name, i explained to him ds hadn't been in school for 6 months, teacher went very red and said oops oh well tell him we miss him, he said i'm worried now, who the hell have i been teaching.

purplefish Thu 21-Jul-11 12:15:22

Mine was 'Is your DS allowed to have chocolate?' (They were doing a project on chocolate making)
I feel about laughing...'Erm, yes'

Now I do understand that they ned to check whether small children have allergies etc, but DS2 is 8, so I think he knows. He even showed his teacher the KitKat he had in his lunch box...but she still called me!

kayb123 Thu 21-Jul-11 12:15:47

smile, reading these have certainly given me a giggle.

Cosmosis Thu 21-Jul-11 12:48:13

Mine was from the uni medical service, to me.

Uni: Hello Cosmosis, we hear your mother has meningitis and you need to come in to get some medication in case you were exposed to it at the same time.

Me: um, no, my mother doesn’t have meningitis.

Uni: (very patronising), yes she does dear. I know it’s probably a bit of a shock for you but please come in so we can see you.

Me: I can assure you my mother doesn’t have menintigis.

Uni: are you sure?

Me; yes, she has been dead since I was 7.

Uni; flustered.

Anyway, turns out it was my boyfriend’s mother, but it was all quite odd really.

Raahh Thu 21-Jul-11 12:56:14

saggy- DD1 announced onher way to school the other day that she was wearing knickers...it seemed like a random comment. I am now worried about all the times she might not have been wearing any!grin

(little girls with crossed legs have no sense of decorum at all, I have noticed, pants or not!!)

Terribletriplets Thu 21-Jul-11 12:59:43

'Please come and collect ds to take him to casualty, for concussion. (name of child) has jumped on him from the top of a fridge'. It was a very (lovely) loosely disciplined village school. He was 7. (name of jumper) was 5. The lovely end was that the nurse who dealt with us in casualty was the Chair of Governors. So she understood where the fridge was and how (name of jumper) had managed to get on top in order to carry out fridge ambush plan.

startail Thu 21-Jul-11 13:47:14

Sh**t I've spent so long laughing at these, I'm late to pick up DD2

Pleb1969 Thu 21-Jul-11 17:36:58

When I was in secondary school (WAYYYY back in 1980), my mum got called in to speak to the headteacher. They were concerned about my eating habits. I used to work my way round the plate eating only 1 thing at a time, so if there was meat, mash and veg I would eat all the mash, then all the veg, then the meat. Mum asked if I ate everything and they said yes. She called the head a silly man and walked out! Way to go Mum!

TheOriginalFAB Thu 21-Jul-11 18:04:48

This thread is brilliant but I haven't anything to add.

I was called as my son wasn't well so I abandoned my exercise dvd and rushed to school, only to be presented with another child who had the same first name as mine and was in the first class.hmm I wanted it double checked that my son was okay. She said yes, she had just seen him. I was a bit hmm since she had brought me another child but it turned out the receptionist was told one name and she rang another.

nothing to add here yet, DD starts reception in september but has survived preschool without anything too interesting!

DandyLioness Thu 21-Jul-11 19:39:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I got a phone call from the school secretary at 4pm to ask me to come and help retrieve DD1 (5yo) from under a sofa! Or, failing that, if they could have my permission bodily remove her themselves.

She goes to after school club, but had decided she didn't want to go on this particular day as she had her scooter with her and had to carry it rather than scoot on it (they walk crocodile-fashion to the club so no scooting allowed, she knows this). So first she clung to the school fence, they prised her loose, she bolted into the reception area and scrambled under a sofa. For an hour they couldn't get her out! Poor after school club lady had to take the other children to the club, then come back with her car and then extract DD. And the school secretary had to sit with her while all this was going on.

DD was in sooooooooooooo much trouble! But the longer it went on, the more trouble she knew she was in so the more she refused to come out!

Annie Your DD has staying power. grin

Not a phone call, but in the newsletter:

LOST - Girl's right shoe, size 2.5G, black leather Clarks Mary Jane, brand new
FOUND - Girl's right shoe, size 1H, black leather Clarks Mary Jane, brand new


snotsville Thu 21-Jul-11 21:15:51

I have spent an age reading these posts. Brilliant.

I have one to add - although it wasn't the school at fault.

I phoned the school to let them know DS1 was sick & wouldn't be in. No answer, a machine kicked in, so I left a message.

About an hour later I got a phonecall from the school asking why DS1 wasn't there.

Me: Did you not get the message I left on your answering service? (Thinking, "bunch of muppets...")

School: We don't have an answering service.

Me: Oh....

Again, not a phonecall...

I had not long split with xh so was managing DS and DD2 on my own while going through all the rubbish stuff that went with it.

DD2 was going through an awkward stage (aged around 4.5). At breakfast I had at least 3 different cereals but she didn't want any of them and refused to eat toast so I said 'fine, starve!'.

I got called into the school and put in front of the head who wanted to speak with me because DD2 had told them that I hadn't been feeding her - I was so blush!!! Once I explained she was very understanding, but at the beginning I was being told off for neglecting my daughter shock!!!!!

Sorry, that was meant to be DD1! [blondemomenticon]

Timetraveller Thu 21-Jul-11 23:28:11

When ds2 was about 7, I had a phone call from the school asking me to come in because ''ds has been found in the street outside the school by another parent''(!) He'd been worried because his class was being split up for maths, and he was going to have a teacher he didn't know. The head said she didn't understand how he'd managed to get out. But when I asked him, he said, 'It's easy - you just press the button and the gate opens'.

mummimamma Fri 22-Jul-11 15:17:54

School nurse: You DS just ate a leaf at recess
Me: Oh. (Chuckling) So?
SN: Well, I called and checked with poison control and apparently it is okay, but he should be under observation for a hour, so can you come and get him?
I had a hard time not laughing, but I did go get him. Thankfully it was at the end of the school day anyway.

It was a maple leaf, btw biscuit

cat64 Fri 22-Jul-11 15:42:11

Message withdrawn

bruffin Fri 22-Jul-11 15:58:57

*"I think you dc has chickenpox"
...no he hasn't they got bitten by mosquitos on the nursery day trip to the wetland centre the day before...
they must have called all parents that day...*

I had the same phonecall Mousy but ours were dutch mosquitos in centerparcs. For some reason they really like DS's blood.

LynetteScavo Fri 22-Jul-11 19:52:10

One phone call which wasn't odd, but did make me sigh heavily was "could you come and collect DS1; he's had a fight with another boy involving black paint". The boys had found it quite funny, the class teacher didn't. blush

And the secretary I wanted to murder with my bare hands when PFB DS had been in reception for one week "I'm afraid DS has had an accident...." (I am imagining lots of blood and the air ambulance)..... his glasses are broken. Do you have a spare pair?

Yes I bloody do.

And then there was the time DS played up so badly at school I was politely called in to take him home. At the time DD who was 3, and I were merrily playing with hair clips at home. Only after sitting through a meeting with the head teacher, who advised I take him the the GP for a referral, did I realise I had 1000 hair clips in my hair. blush grin

And the classic one was "Hello Mrs Scavo, I'm just phoning because we have Ofsted in today and tommorow, and were wondering if you would like to keep DS1 at home"
I kid you not! At the time DS was school refusing, and would have kicked up a huge fuss. I was more than happy to keep him at home, but with hindsight I'm shock and angry and wish I'd taken him in to show Ofsted what the school was really like.

tiggyhop Fri 22-Jul-11 20:19:51

School: Mrs Hop please come and collect Mini Hop, she has nits (again)
[I arrive in 10 mins]
At Reception: Me "I really do not think she has nits again, I treated her thoroughly this morning"
School: "Oh yes she has, here is one we saved on a piece of sellotape, look, there it is, can't you see it"
Me "I'll get my coat"

natashakate Tue 26-Jul-11 20:46:20

Not had any about my DC but when my brother was at preschool my mum got a phone call asking them to collect him ASAP but wouldn't tell her why. When she arrived they explained that they were very sorry to hear about the sad news but wondered why she had not notified them of such a serious health risk. My mother was totally clueless and asked where my brother was. They told her they had him 'quarantined' in a separate room at the moment, at which point my mum asked WTF is going on? Turns out my DB had told all the staff that he was HIV positive! It was at the time when Mark had been diagnosed in EastEnders - God knows how my brother found out as no-one in our family has ever watched it. He's never quite lived it down.

MrsCMAW Tue 26-Jul-11 20:52:36

I have just laughed tea out of my nose and had to stop reading before anything worse happens!

pestroid Tue 26-Jul-11 21:08:22

Not a phone call, but, when ds was 5 I was asked not to put ds in boxers and short trousers on summer days, he had inadvertantly flashed a Nun in assembly. (he is a big boy wink) I was more impressed that he had managed to cross his legs in his wheelchair.

all4u Wed 27-Jul-11 12:09:34

Love these! My call was from form teacher of DD in year 7 to inform me that they had had to stop her plaing poker with her friends as they didn't think it was 'suitable'. DD assured me that they hadn't been playing for money - yet. We had taught DD and DS poker whilst home educating as it is really good for maths and probablility and they just took to it and brother and sister would disappear off to play a hand in complete camararderie...

magpie2 Wed 27-Jul-11 17:13:17

A friend of mine got a call from our school to ask her why her DD's gums are so pink...turns out my friend gave her DD one of those tartar revealing tablets that morning.

nojustificationneeded Thu 28-Jul-11 14:08:20

"Hi is that Js mum?"
Me: "yes"
"your dd isnt in school today and we havent had a call so we wondered why she was off"
Me: I dropped her at school this morning confused she went in the door (cue heart racing panic as dd was 7)
"Oh dear Well she isnt here now!"
Me: Who am I speaking to, is that Mrs S? (head)
"no its Mrs N the head teacher"
me: our head teachers name is Mrs S eh? confused glance down at phone to see an 020 number and we live in North. What school is this.
"its x school"
Me: " My daughter doesnt go to x school and we live hundreds of miles away away"
"but you said you were Js mum"
me: My daughter IS called J but its not the same J.

nojustificationneeded Thu 28-Jul-11 14:35:00

Oh actually weirdest call was from nursery.

"MrsNJN can we have a quick word please"
yes sure
"Well we are a bit worried, a child fell and hurt theirself today and was bleeding, we couldnt get your dd away, she shouted and had a tantrum when staff tried to move her and was very interested in the blood, is everything ok at home"

Well her nan is a surgical nurse, her auntie is a trauma nurse and her cousin is a midwife, plus she has been to hospital with me many times.

florianne1 Fri 29-Jul-11 10:18:20

This wasn't a call but a letter from secondary school: your son has been excluded from school for 3 days for calling a teacher a gingernut b*****d. Awful, but hilarious to see written down.

Cutiecat Sun 31-Jul-11 18:22:34

Last year we were stuck in America when the dust cloud struck. We could not fly home as planned so i called school and explained that DS would be back when Virgin had reallocated us with a flight. I then emailed our return date when are new flights came through with notes for a parents rep meeting i would be missing. I don't think i could have done much more but I still got a call from school on my mobile a few days later...

School - Hello Mrs Cutiecat can we enquire why your son has not been in school.
Me - i called and emailed to explain the situation as we are stuck in America due to the dust cloud.
School - Yes we know that it is just that everyone else who was 'stuck' has now made it back.
Me - Well where were they 'stuck'?
School - well Deputy Head was in Germany and Mrs C was in Portugal.
Me - Well that is slightly different what do you expect us to do? Swim.

It was the final straw for me as DS was unhappy there anyway, when we got home I started the process of moving him to another school.

mashyup Wed 10-Aug-11 17:23:40

Not a phone call..but a request from teacher of ds who was 6 at the time to 'have a word with me after school'. Heartsink. So I went in to classroom where she showed me the lovely quilt the class was making by each child decorating a piece of fabric then they were all sewed together. My son had carefully decorated his with the word 'fuck'. She did compliment him on getting the spelling right though

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