The Museum of Modern Toddler Art

(172 Posts)
Tortoiseonthehalfshell Sun 10-Jul-11 10:41:47

Now, Abandoned Breakfast is a particularly important piece. Note the toast finger hanging disconsolately from the eggshell, yolk leaking over the edge of the plate and pooling onto the table below. We can see from the setting that the breakfast was barely touched despite the care used in preparing it, and the futility evoked stands in direct contrast to the cheery cow-patterned eggcup and bright yellow plate. The viewer is confronted by the eternal question: What Is The Bloody Point, I Ask You?

Toast Jammed into DVD Player highlights the contrast between our base need for food and our increasing reliance on electronic devices for entertainment. Note the detail of hand-smeared peanut butter and drool-covered remote control.

HarrietJones Sun 10-Jul-11 10:51:30

abandoned sock this is an outdoor piece from the same artist that produced abandoned hat

Unmade bed - In this moving-time exhibit we examine the frustrations that can often occur between carer and child around night-time rituals. We first meet the artist DN, age 3, when she develops the piece during a discovery led period in her life, as she learns to fully express her fragile wants needs and desires, a rage against societal norms and standards around appropriate behaviour, reasonableness and the increasing tension emanating from her carer as bedtime slips further and further away from her grasp.

It is interesting to note the juxtaposition between exhibit one, DN3 and exhibit 4, created when DN was 13, when unmade bed expresses her frustration and tension with society's desire for order and cleanliness. During this period, much of DN13's life revolves around the bed and the wider space of her room, with carer access limited, perhaps in unspoken retaliation for earlier periods of dominance in DN's life.

Congruent with the earlier periods in DN's life however is the timing of both pieces which both revolve around interactions between DN and her carer during the early hours of the morning.

Halbwahrheiten Sun 10-Jul-11 11:31:25

Lunchtime exhibits none of the restraints of afternoon nap. In fact, quite the opposite can be observed; the pattern of the sprayed pasta sauce mirrors the artist's whirlwind like mood while the creamy colour contrasts beautifully with the background of the dark brown carpet. The pasta that lays in haphazard heaps in a large radius of the toppled chair gives the viewer an impression of abandonment and dispair. The delicate placement of the half-eaten, slightly melted, club

Halbwahrheiten Sun 10-Jul-11 11:32:39

bar on the sleeping baby's face communicates tenderness.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Sun 10-Jul-11 11:43:58

And this is our new installation, Tantrum, by a very exciting artist. The eye is drawn by a number of competing elements, including the tipped-over small chair, trail of biscuit crumbs, discarded clothing and approximately thirteen billion sequins. Perhaps the most dominant aspect of the installation, however, and certainly the most challenging for the viewer, is the presence of the artist herself in the centre of the work, lying prone on the carpet and yelling at the top of her lungs. By inserting herself into the work, the artist creates a unique tension between object and viewer, fostering the twin desires to clean up and bugger off simultaneously.

Tortoise that piece is exceptionally powerful in the way it challenges the viewer to become part of the work themselves

MinnieBar Sun 10-Jul-11 15:41:51

Exploration, a continuum piece from an eager young artist signifies her debut on the scene. In one corner, an apparently haphazard pile of DVDs on the floor; in another, soggy ripped corners from magazines and crayons. The centrepiece, however, is the collection of TV remote controls together with the cordless phone, each delicately strewn with a faint trail of saliva. Everywhere material consumerism meets actual consumption - this ingenue's statement on technological advances and the overwhelming desire to have speaks volumes. A special feature of this piece is that every night it is carefully put away, for the artist to recreate it the very next morning with a dedication that is second to none.

CadleCrap Sun 10-Jul-11 15:50:36

This auditory artwork consists of phrases such as “Mummy, mummy” and “Why, why” and has the power to emote the response “What do you want” in a very loud voice from the listener.

HarrietJones Sun 10-Jul-11 16:22:38

this leads the audience to worry and search for the installation in progress. The visual affect of opening the curtain accompanied by the auditory response of giggles from the artist and screams from the audience at the horrors on the wall behind the artist

WillbeanChariot Sun 10-Jul-11 19:01:48

Nappy Change.

Urine, faeces and sudocrem on plastic mat, clothing and skin.

This exceptionally challenging performance piece does not reward the passive viewer but invites them to literally wrestle this very prolific artist. Results are infinitely variable and the artist repeats the work several times a day. Responses from those engaging with this difficult piece have varied from, 'Phew just about got away with that' to 'How is that possible when you have eaten NOTHING AT ALL?' and some have been moved to tears.

This artist will shortly begin Potty Training, a long term performance piece which promises to offer its own challenges.

gift shop desire and despair

In the foreground is an epitomy in despair and anger as the childs screwed up tear stained face and open mouth scream silently at the viewer. The background of this piece is a colourful gabmit assault on the senses of fluffy toys, pens, an amusingly overpriced bars of fudge. In the midground between the two one can see the judgemental and pitying faces faces of the other shop goers. The viewer gets the feeling that just off screen somewhere there is a despondent parent simply wanting to go home.

TwoAndaHalfNeurons Fri 15-Jul-11 14:47:30


A thought provoking concept piece, where the artist intermingles a countless number of puzzle pieces of varied provenance. The mound of discarded pieces is surrounded by empty boxes, perhaps reminding the viewer that where now chaos reigns, there was once order.

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 15-Jul-11 16:01:35

park journey

is a daily changing piece by a prolific 6 year old. A different bag is filled each day with a seemingly random selection of important objects, which today included woollen socks, 2 spare dresses, a snow globe, colouring book, a silver cake slice, a wind up hamster, knitting, dog treats, a pocohontas mini figure and 16 other items. The viewer is encouraged to question our need for material possessions and question whether the phrase "useless old tat" has had a detrimental affect on the artist's hoarding capabilities.

betterwhenthesunshines Fri 15-Jul-11 16:02:39

funniest MN thread ever!

bellaboo77 Fri 15-Jul-11 16:37:38

i like refusal and refusal likes me

A short durational piece which entails this emerging artist answering every question and request with a simple 'no'. Exploring the expectations and demands placed by society upon the individual, as well as the opportunities afforded us to explore our own individuality, this work will be repeated, at varying volumes, until Dad comes home.

(Supported by Arts Council England and CBeebies.)

lisianthus Fri 15-Jul-11 16:48:54

Mummy's handbag

A textural piece designed to challenge and confound expectations. Consists of a black leather receptacle containing several crayons, a marker pen, a small astronaut, and half a sausage. As an added layer of juxtaposition to this fascinating installation, the purse and travel card which one would expect to be in the black receptacle will instead be found (empty) in a shoe cupboard and buried in a box of lego, respectively. The artist will be found eating the lipstick that was in the black receptacle in a courageous challenge to society's conventional ideas of beauty practices and the cost of maintaining such practices.

DamnYouAutocorrect Fri 15-Jul-11 17:12:30

I said I wanted chocolate and instead you gave me this

Affectedly artless swirls in tones of burnt sienna draw the viewer into a visceral and marvellously textural expression of anger and despair.

Medium: beans

TheProvincialLady Fri 15-Jul-11 17:22:39

The Walk

An extended performance piece, during which the artist challenges accepted norms regarding time and space. Drawing heavily upon Kafka-esque influences, the viewer is led to believe that there is an end point which must be reached, but later realises that this is a merely a social construct which confines and diminishes. Warning: mild language.

LindsayWagner Fri 15-Jul-11 17:37:52


In this choreographed piece, the adolescent artist repeats a series of almost-imperceptible circular movements of the neck. The viewer is challenged to explore the liminal space between rage and restraint.

It is a companion piece to divvy, in which the artist uses her tongue to brutally distend her lower lip. Both pieces constitute a cohesive, if sometimes arch, commentary on power relations in continuous flux.

DirtyMartini Fri 15-Jul-11 17:43:00

<marks place to savour thread properly later>

sorbysedge Fri 15-Jul-11 17:48:40

potty training pants
The ability of the artist to integrate their work and personal life enables the artist to establish an intimacy with the viewer.

fruitshootsandheaves Fri 15-Jul-11 18:25:25

sleeping teenager

This exhibit may look like a simple closed door but is in fact an interactive piece. If said door is opened a string of well timed profanities may be heard interspersed with some incomprehensible babble. The reactions of the viewer can range from amusement to shock and these reactions are considered to add to the overall ambiance of this simple piece.
WARNING not suitable for children under 16

TeaspoonThief Fri 15-Jul-11 18:31:21

Don't touch that, Don't touch that

In which the main protagonist seeks to achieve the exact opposite of a sculptural and sensory garden - thus emphasising the difference between the contained and the madness that is enticing blobs of dis-guarded chewing gum and stinging nettles. In autumn it will be part of a joint exhibition with

Don't step in that, Don't step in that

snigger Fri 15-Jul-11 21:04:16

Crusted glaze in which the artist playfully laces organic tracks in the medium of mucous through a pretreated dehydrated Yoplait culture surface. The artless juxtaposition of startlingly solid sculptures in human hair using the same cultures draw the eye beyond the cleansing swipe of the mucosal river through its ravaged landscape and toward the inherent message : It'll take more than a wet-wipe this time.

urbanproserpine Fri 15-Jul-11 23:10:00

LOVE this thread

PostmanPatAgain Fri 15-Jul-11 23:18:47

Time out...

A conceptual piece with both child protagonist and adult. Post-modern in it's purist form showing destabilisation of norms and multiple voices ephasising the adult anguish...'just think super's only for two minutes...can I really be I have to do this, be strong' and being overt in it's message to the adult audience. This element fights with the subversive nature of the protagonist, who's face has 'try me' written all over it.

MintyB Sat 16-Jul-11 12:22:37

LOL! Have to share this post with you -

the apple

Decay is personified in this piece, located behind the highchair where it lies, abandoned. It is a powerful commentary on wants and gratifications.

[said in Brian Sewell voice]

Mibby Sat 16-Jul-11 12:44:55

Toy box

An interesting work, which challenges societies idea of 'Order'.The artist shows the neat toy receptacle in the background, empty and unused, while a wide range of items are strewn in a casual, and apparently random, fashion across the wider stage. Note the use of non-traditional play items such as the cat food bowl, phone handset and pot plant which are seemlessly intergrated into the setting. The more observent viewer will spot the live exhibit, cat in a hat, tucked into the corner of the piece.

Firkytoodle Sat 16-Jul-11 12:50:52

window smears

Using the unique medium of glass the artist has chosen as his palette grease, nasal mucosa, saliva, and an unidentifiable tacky substance to create a work of great pathos. The natural limits of the artist mean that his creation contrasts strongly with the expanse of clear surface above. The swirls, body prints and occasional clinging crumb encourage the viewer to identify with the artist's desire to remove the boundaries between where he is and where he wants to be. This piece evokes a real sense of frustration and a actual duality of actual vision; the desire to get out some cloths and spray has also been reported by some viewers.

Lotkinsgonecurly Sat 16-Jul-11 12:54:55

the ever so slightly but not really ill child.

This challenges the relationship between child and parent and allows both artist and observer to experience a variety all emotions often all at once.The subject wakes in the morning and declares and tummy ache. Tears, cuddles and a lie in the subjects parents bed are met with tenderness and concern. Roll on five hours later the parent has escaped to the kitchen to mumsnet and the subject is still shouting from the sofa her latest demands. The area looks like a playgroup outing has played in front of the television. Four year old maintains her constant viewing helps her feel better, parent is considering pulling the plug and taking everyone swimming.

bebejones Sat 16-Jul-11 13:42:18

Discarded Coat

In this piece the artist has strewn a brand new raincoat in a seemingly haphazard manner across the floor. Creating an obstacle for the viewer & challenging their desire to hang it up. The coat is well matched in colour & texture to the smooth terracotta tiled floor (upon which it is exhibited). This is an interactive piece & the artist has clearly taken great care to arrange the coat so that should the viewer walk over the coat their foot becomes entangled within the confines of the sleeve. The viewers sensibilities are further challenged as they wrestle to free themselves from within this complex piece.

This is a companion piece to Lost Left Shoe and a follow up piece to the artists earlier work of Cracker Crumbs on a Freshly Hoovered Rug.

chebella Sat 16-Jul-11 13:43:09

I don't like blueberries I like blueberries

Juxtaposing our modern day obsession with health-giving, so-called "super foods" as snacks with the equally contradictory nature of the artist as all-powerful "ego" expressing preferences. To consume is to destroy, yet to be an artist is to create.

sophe29 Sat 16-Jul-11 13:44:31

An emotive yet strangely defeatist instillation where the artist stands grinning broadly in the mist of of a hurricane. They have smeared themselves with chocolate and biscuit crumbs to blend perfectly with the floor. Books are artfully tossed at will. Tiny bits of plastic that have no function lie strewn in places guaranteed to cause any viewer to step on painfully thus drawing themselves further into the piece.
In one corner, a lone woman lies slumped. A bottle of gin dangles precariously from one hand.
In the background, Peppa pig plays on an endless loop, on a TV smeared with porridge.
Glitter has somehow worked its way into every crevice never to be removed from the dwelling no matter how fancy and powerful the dyson may be.

Can this be moved to classics - work such as this should not be lost; it should be preserved for future generations to enjoy and engage with. Please.

Quodlibet Sat 16-Jul-11 14:07:32

i don't want another one i want that one

A multi-media work. Against a repeated sound loop of piercing and hysterical screams, the artists has installed one broken McVities chocolate biscuit alongside an arrangement of several dozen whole and apparently identical chocolate biscuits. In doing so, the artist challenges fundamental consumerist principles by highlighting and destabilising the underlying assumption that mass-produced and identical goods are interchangeable.

chebella Sat 16-Jul-11 14:17:38

i want to get hurt mummy

The artist, confronted with a broken glass, bemoans the "nanny state" so keen to suppress their creativity. A commentary on the need to feel pain in order to learn and the oppressive nature of motherhood.

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast Sat 16-Jul-11 14:52:44

I am also marking place!

thanksamillion Sat 16-Jul-11 14:59:08

Leave her alone
Examines the complex sibling relationship and the continuing importance of heirarchy in our culture. The artist explores the boundaries of acceptable behaviour by the constant tormenting and provoking of the younger sibiling who displays the conflicting emotions of both wanting to be involved and yet screaming in protest.

martincat Sat 16-Jul-11 15:06:44

ephemeral in black - 3

A nihilistic work, consisting of a size 2 school shoe – with sole hanging off from the upper, which may or may not be leather. Presented by the artist with a theatrical shrug – the viewer is led to consider the meaninglessness of promises – those made yet again by the artist not to play football in his new school shoes, and those by Asda, of a shoe that is hardwearing and should definitely last more than two days….

BalloonSlayer Sat 16-Jul-11 15:20:25

The flowers are very thirsty today

An installation in which The Artist has laboured to ensure that all five of the viewers' senses are thoroughly stimulated, indeed challenged to the maximum. The viewer's sight is first dazzled by the riot of colours of all the patio plants; following this the viewer hears The Artist's repeated, persistent, plaintive lament on behalf of the voiceless flowers and their desperate desire for sustenance. The viewer feels the heat of the sun and experiences all the sensuous pleasure of the splashing of water into buckets and watering cans on a scorching day. In a moment of unparalleled artistic triumph, The Artist empties every bucket on to the patio, not excluding the special bit where the shoes are put to Keep Dry. This action enables the viewer to truly experience the pain of hope disappointed, coupled with the futility of waste where there is need, so tragically common in our modern world. To complete this breathtaking cultural and emotional journey, the viewer is treated to the heady scent and taste of an unripe strawberry because The Artist "not like them" despite picking them every single one.

Catch The Artist's sponsor with her own installation later this year: We're on a bloody water meter you know.

munstersmum Sat 16-Jul-11 15:33:41

lego mountain

The latest instalment & possibly largest of Britain's contemporary art showings in this postcode. Lego mountain is made up of seemingly millions of small blocks, each bearing an uncanny resemblance to the others. We have been advised that the interaction of visitors with the sculpture can cause dust (possibly accumulated over a number of days) to rise which could be damaging to health. In consequence and in consultation with the artist, it has been decided not to allow anyone to walk across the sculpture.

RainySmallHands Sat 16-Jul-11 15:39:18

the vomit jug

Perched precariously amid a rumpled duvet, the empty jug speaks to the viewer in visceral overtones of barely contained desperation. Evoking a recent sense of abandonment, the diorama appears to be anticipating sudden onslaught. Anti-bacterial wipes close at hand signify constant war against a hidden foe. Wan faces and cracked lips; exhaustion and sunken eyes: wretched symbols of a squandered weekend. Nursery. Friend or foe?

MerryMarigold Sat 16-Jul-11 15:47:52


This is a recording which is set to constantly repeat, slowly increasing in volume until it is a scream. This purely audio experience invites the hearer to experience the rise in tension - and blood pressure - that the repeated phrase evokes.

TwoAndaHalfNeurons Sat 16-Jul-11 16:08:12

Do you need the potty? Do you?

A happening piece

The artist produces, then conceals, faecal matter. Upon perceiving the gut wrenching stench, viewers are alerted to the piece, and unable, in fact, to ignore it.

The artist stares defiant yet sad, and at a key moment in this performance, one participating viewer hesitates before joining the artist in part two of the piece, perhaps reminiscent of a Rambert modern dance production, given the graceful choreography that ensues: the artist stands in a bathroom, the viewer, now inextricably involved in the piece, wrestles with the trousers till these flop round the artist's ankles. An observer would be moved by the look of utter horror in the participant's face at discovering the contents of the Thomas the tank engine pants; even those viewers familiar with the artist seem at a loss to understand what could have possibly been ingested to produce such foul depositions. The artist is pleased - he has excelled himself. Then, some words are uttered: "stand still, I need to wipe you" "but mom, I need to wee on the potty" "you'll have to wait" "I want now" "ok, hold your willy inside" "oh, mummy look" "I said INSIDE the potty!" "It's wet" "Yes, NO, DON'T STEP ON THE PUDDLE" "I'm wet, mummy"

Artist and participant walk in circles, reminiscent in fact, of Dante's circles of hell, or perhaps an allegory of the Via Crucis, till faecal matter and urine are disposed off, and the artist is once more clean.

The end of the piece is reached when the soiled pants are sealed and disposed of, bringing pathos and redemption to audience and participants.

FoundWanting Sat 16-Jul-11 16:08:53


An exciting new work from a former genius of the toddler modern art genre. We find the artist ten years on from noted installation pieces such as Mud and Leaves and Sticks and Stuff and Broken window now entering a new level of self-expression. The artist himself has named this series of new works his 'Black Ops Period'. The floor is littered with the reminders of his former artistic triumphs - Lego Obliteration and Circle of Airfix Hell while the creator reclines motionlessly, staring unblinkingly at a flickering screen. The viewer's eye is drawn to the ceaseless motion of the artist's thumbs, hypnotising and soporific, until suddenly shocked back to the here and now by shouts of "Take that, Zombitch!" We confidently predict even greater works to come from this towering intellect given the recent appearance of girls within the artist's frame of reference.

MrsOlf Sat 16-Jul-11 16:25:31

But we are tidying up...
This interactive piece sees the first collaborative work from 2 sisters (aged 2 and 4) who are new to the modern art scene.
The work is housed in a room which, on closer inspection, might once have been a sitting room. The 2 artists are head down in respective toy boxes, whilst small pieces of plastic pony accessory, fluffy toys, Lego, Happy Land farm animals, Disney Princess shoes, musical instruments, CBeebies magazine freebies, bouncy balls in all the colours of the rainbow, pieces of puzzle and card games are thrown through the air onto the surrounding floor. When interrupted approached by onlookers both artists look up and in unison shout "But we are tidying up" in a sing-song manner which belies the utter devastation of the work.

MadHairMoody Sat 16-Jul-11 16:56:02

It's Not Fair

A creation inspired by the dawning realisation of the injustice at the very heart of society, this startling and innovative installation challenges the viewer's anger management skills and calm amidst the storm at their very core.

To a headache-inducing background loop of slammed doors and a rap-reminiscent trap of 'it's not fair, you're not fair, I hate you', the viewer is drawn in to a space resembling perhaps a city tip, in which pieces of homework lie scattered and unloved, books fly around with speed which may surprise the viewer (or hit them, in fact), and doors stand at awkward angles, perhaps reflecting the unhinged nature of the societical rules the artist is successfully rallying against in her bold and loud piece.

It is worth mentioning that this is the same artist who eight years previously was the author of the work 'sudocrem baby' which stunned art critics and consumers alike in its bright white comment on her mother's lack of ability to hide nappy cream.

MadHairMoody Sat 16-Jul-11 16:57:39

trap track

MummyAbroad Sat 16-Jul-11 17:08:37

Lone Bogey

a very creative collection piece showing a single dried bogey carefully applied to various every day objects. There are 27 pieces in the collection, the most thought provoking being, 'bogey on tea cup', 'bogey on toothbrush' and 'bogey on ipad'.

spooktrain Sat 16-Jul-11 17:16:07

Pile of Shoes

This bold piece presents the viewer with a stark vision of the human condition's mysteries: who do the shoes belong to? Why are some missing laces? Will pairs magically materialise out of the pile when urgently required? These shoes are the downtrodden, unsung heroes of modern life: soles with souls, they speak of feet that tirelessly walk the land, mud in particular. This casual abandon of costly, well-known brand names is a comment on the transitory nature of the family budget and the fickle tastes of the modern consumer in our throwaway society.

allhailtheaubergine Sat 16-Jul-11 17:17:10

The wrong plate

A playful piece in which the artist challenges the audience to guess why this particular place is wrong. Nearby, a towering stack of identical plates goad the audience into guessing which one is the right plate. Is there a right plate?

FuzzpigFourFiveSix Sat 16-Jul-11 17:22:47


A fascinating sculpture of a person midflight, with a pained expression.

Intriguingly, the artist has not included the offending item - the viewer is compelled to wonder what exactly the subject stepped on. Perhaps Lego, perhaps some train track - the viewer will bring their own painful experience to mind and thus they are involved in the work - all the while thinking "thank fuck that isn't me"

aStarInStrangeways Sat 16-Jul-11 17:36:55

nose picking swearyface

A complex performance piece operating on both micro and macrocosmic levels. In a public space, the artist suddenly, randomly and occasionally violently mirrors a particular habit or speech pattern belonging to the individual participant. In acting as a memory node and 'broadcasting' the participant's inner life to an unknowing world, the artist invites both a static response (embarrassment) from that individual and a fluctuating interaction (horror, judgement, glee) from the wider audience. Notions of division between public and private personas are broken down in this challenging piece.

helpingout Sat 16-Jul-11 17:58:15

Hospital dash

A ground-breaking debut by a recently new artist. Fly on the wall documentary invites audience to accompany the child on the journey from button up left nostril to panic-stricken mother discovery culminating in a 5 minute journey to the local hospital.

Cat honey spoon glitter

In this piece the canvas is a living creature, utilising striped fur and sharp teeth and claws, the artist uses their preferred media of glitter, honey and crumbled weetabix applied with spoon and hand in a fabulous juxtaposition of nature and enigma. It is accompanied by a soundtrack of a lone voice crying 'Jesus, not another trip to the vets' hissing and delighted giggles.

Other works include, turd in your shoe and peanut butter sofa.

BalloonSlayer Sat 16-Jul-11 18:52:35

Scene of the Crime

In this trail-blazing creation, the artist breaks new territory by using himself as an exhibit, lying on the ground in the attitude of a newly discovered corpse emitting a sound profoundly reminiscent of a World War 2 air-raid siren. The viewer is invited to explore their empathy with all wounded and fallen victims since time began. The cause of his tragic fall is featured as part of the exhibit, and changes daily, at times a toy, at others a chair leg, at yet others seemingly invisible, emphasising the peril and grief which await the unwary at every turn. This is an interactive exhibit and the artist will not move from his pose until picked up by a viewer. The artist will then resume his work immediately.

ThePathanKhansWoman Sat 16-Jul-11 18:53:37

My names Batman not Anna

Performance art from young artist exploring the meaning of self in society, the labels we are given and those we choose.Interactive piece in which audience is invited to guess at which point artist becomes Batman or Anna.

bebejones Sat 16-Jul-11 19:21:27

GeraldineAubergine I am crying laughing! Fabulous! grin

DawnTiggaFashionGoddess Sat 16-Jul-11 19:24:44

Marking my place for later.


JoleneJoleneJoleneJoleeene Sat 16-Jul-11 19:31:59

Red T Shirt Blue T Shirt. A stop motion video piece

An exploration of the artist's anguish under the oppression of not being permitted to express himself by the medium of his apparel.

tethersend Sat 16-Jul-11 19:37:15

Phone roulette

This enfant terrible of up and coming British artists encourages the viewer to hand over their phone by screaming repeatedly in public places until they receive it. Tension is then created by harnessing the viewer's desire for peace and quiet and setting it against the artist's subversive nature, which she demonstrates by dialling random numbers including your mother in law, the police and the man you shagged five years ago.

Majik Sat 16-Jul-11 19:56:12

In a darker sideroom we find Festival Detritus
An otherwise normal living room. The artist is present, yet absent; she is oblivious to all except those to whom she communicates on facebook. In the background is her rucksack, tin mug still encrusted with pot noodle; pop up tent folded but still retaining traces of mud. A fascinating commentary on youth culture and the transience of pleasure, this installation has audio effects which may be heard emanating from the artist's headphones. The TV blares - alternately a pop/rock video or Hollyoaks. The quest for self continues...

MrsKwazii Sat 16-Jul-11 20:19:34

Pink toothpaste - the latest in a set of bathroom-based pieces by this established artist. Note how the pink gel toothpaste has been carefully looped into circles in and around the sink, signifying the balletic nature of the bedtime routine. Puddles allow for quiet reflection, daringly created by filling the now empty toothpaste tube and squirting water across the floor.

Other works include 'Poo in bath' and 'Unravelled toilet roll'

PetronusOfSteel Sat 16-Jul-11 20:24:52

Toy exchange

Expressed in the medium of dance this exhibit encapsulates the desire of the artist to have a toy, any toy, which another child is playing with. When the toy is finally handed over, the artist will then totally lose interest and focus every ounce of desire in their being on the different toy that the other child has now chosen to play with.
The mood of the work can be best summed up as a constant yearning which will never, ever be satisfied.

dinkystinky Sat 16-Jul-11 20:34:06

Mine, mine

In this moving piece of work, consisting of elder sibling articles appropriated by the artist and viciously defended from any attempts at reappropriation" accompanied by ansoundtrack of wails from said elder sibling, yells of mine no mine from the artist and an unseen third party attempting to start peace talks, the artist expresses the anguish of living in a materialistic society where the desire to accumulate material possessions leads to anguish and strife.

it is part of a tryptic - see also But Mummy! And The Naughty Step by the same artist

mathanxiety Sat 16-Jul-11 20:57:12

Cheese in the TV

A simple piece using only two items, and clearly devised as a wry commentary on what normally issues forth from the TV, the artist has cleverly used the speakers as a grater, thus forcing the cheese right back where it came from but in fragmented form. The onlooker is invited to ponder what will happen to the cheese within the speakers as time goes on.

Other works include Washed Cake -- a deconstructed installation where a cooling chocolate cake has been scrubbed with a kitchen sponge. Nihilistic and obsessive-compulsive elements are fascinatingly juxtaposed in the iconic birthday cake on the kitchen counter, with a chair drawn up alongside adding a suggestion of narrative.

susiey Sat 16-Jul-11 21:04:32

slippery floor

an interactive exhibition

viewers are invited to walk into a room, a bathroom, suprisingly on walking in they will discover a slippery feeling underfoot, Leaving those participating confused.
In comes the artist. The artist is questioned as to why the floor is slippery. The answer 'I cleaned it'.
This causes further indepth questions to the artist as to what materials they used to create this piece.
It transpires the meterials used were hand soap and a hand brush.......
Artist is asked as to what a hand brush might be and to show the participants where it is.
a sigh of relief is heard around the bathrrom as he finds the nailbrush and not as feared it would be the toilet brush

bellaboo77 Sat 16-Jul-11 21:08:50

This thread is creasing me up! grin

mathanxiety Sat 16-Jul-11 21:12:19

No and No, mine

Counter-cultural experiment in the use of minimal language and maximum volume to achieve everything the young artist desired in the course of a six month period, especially in acquiring and using items she wished to interact with or refusing to adapt to the demands placed upon her by her immediate and wider community. Language was stripped down to its most utilitarian and functional elements but volume was increased exponentially. This performance work was notable for its unintended side effects; it was deeply disturbing to younger members of the viewing public, who found themselves unwittingly drawn into the dynamic in various outdoor locations such as the paddling pool and park sandbox, where use of found objects (other people's possessions) as props was to be the most alienating aspect of the work.

GeraldineAubergine: I have never wanted a 'like' button on MN more!!

Grandhighpoohba Sat 16-Jul-11 21:34:19

May the earth open up and swallow her

A violently shaking buggy, held by a deeply red-faced woman, her hair dishevelled, her clothing stained with chewed biscuit. A soundtrack on loop screams, "I wanna see the fish" She stands apart, as staring eyes and angelic, calm, puzzled children gather. The audience is invited to participate in the work by staring, shaking their heads, and if they wish, making snide comments to their companions, in order to increase the atmosphere of shame which permeates the piece. A searing comment on the judgement of society, and the inability of the individual to exercise control.

helpingout Sat 16-Jul-11 21:39:41

whitewash naive mother

The viewer is encouraged to participate in the exhibit. Sudocrem is the media being used by the artist. Feel free to follow the artist's lead and smear the Sudocrem all over the 'mock' living-room.

menagerie Sat 16-Jul-11 21:49:44

I was going to come on MN and have a huge whinge about something. Instead I clicked on this thread and am laughing so much the whinge has gone. Sublime.
This is a classic.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Sat 16-Jul-11 21:57:08

But all my friends have

A piece for 2 or more voices

The themes of Blake's Songs of Innocence and Experience and re-interpreted for the 21st century in this performance piece for two or more voices.

The artist observes that she is denied access - by the arbitrary forces of parental oppression and parsimony - to a cultural (and often electronic) good widely possessed by her friends. The artist's' parents then appear as a chorus, questioning whether it is really the case that Ella, Maisie and Grace all have one - such is the subjective and existential nature of Truth - yet asserting that the artist too may have one of her own, should she amass sufficient birthday money with which to purchase it.

This piece is often performed in conjunction with the popular work It's not fair.

Mbear Sat 16-Jul-11 22:04:36

Here we have 'nanna'

Nanna, goes everywhere with us, it is comfort, it is preferably blue, it is with us always. The toy rabbit is offered nanna, the real rabbit is offered nanna.

The artist is concerned with continuum and the meta narrative of presence. So nanna is with us always - in bed, in nursery, on the sofa, in the car, a general adjunct to life itself.

Oh, did I mention that nanna is actually any old muslin square (as long as it has a decent label on it)? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, surely a secondary commentary on our consumerist nature?

bringinghomethebacon Sat 16-Jul-11 22:07:33

Working mother trying to leave the house

This installation draws the viewer in with increasing horror as it become gradually apparent that what at first instance appears to be a groomed businesswoman is in fact a woman in thrall to arbitary demands of small children with needs that violently jar against the woman's wish to just get us all out the bloody house. At closer look it becomes apparent that the mother in fact has not brushed her own hair, let alone the children's, and her pinstripe skirt suit displays porridge smears on her lapel, and there is a glittery butterfly sticker on her right buttock. The goal of the front door, whilst so visually present seems so very far away as the mother is hopelessly distracted by having to urgently search for a plastic stethascope from the depths of a chaotic toy box, to meet her toddler's hysterical demands to provide medical assistance to a gingerbread man, further to the child eating the arm of said gingerbread man hurriedly thrust upon child to quiet whinging on the way to the nursery breakfast club. Wails of "I want my gingerbread man FIXED" simultaneously show the futility of trying to provide a healthy breakfast and also of eating at all as part of the morning routine. The irony is, all the children's so urgently expressed material needs and desires that prevent the mother from reaching her workplace, are in fact threatening to self-destruct the entire family by preventing that mother from earning a living, as she is late yet again.

PetitPiaf Sat 16-Jul-11 22:29:57

Wha's Tha?

A debut auditory masterpiece from this ingenue, Wha's Tha? explores the relationship between the audience and modern vehicular machinery.

The artist constantly batters the audience with a repetitive chorus of the title, while never accepting the answer. Ask yourself, is the bus really a bus? Or a tractor as the artist would have you believe?

Warning: this piece may create passive rage in audience members and cause bleeding of the ears.

He Started It

This remarkable installation has provoked controversy since its first unveiling. It is the first product of a collaboration between two previously-unknown artists, both of whom are absolutely insistent that the other was repsonsible for the work. Interestingly, neither will acquiesce, despite assurances that the audience just does not bloody care who started it.

onehitwonder Sat 16-Jul-11 22:33:18

A work moving from 2d to 3d, stickers applied to a toddler table.
At once an appropriation of the creative endeavors of others, and a symbol of early flowering awareness of the transactional nature of so many situations and relationships. The stickers themselves chart the artists changing tastes from fifi and the flowertots via sticker chart reward stickers and onwards to the consumer dream that is the high school musical cast. Perhaps more affecting are the 'ghost' stickers where just a shadow consisting of dirty glue is allowed to remain as a tribute to those who have fallen from favour.

CakeandRoses Sat 16-Jul-11 22:54:39


This astonishing and visceral piece presents the viewer with the opportunity to experience how a single word, uttered repeatedly and relentlessly, can produce utter despair and also to witness a brave and trail-blazing attempt to break the very bounds of time and space: The young artist is intent on compressing an immense number of Why?s into a unit of time far too small to contain so many.

This record-breaking work is part of a triptych which include What's that? and Where's Daddy? (at work) and is said to have been the inspiration for the critically acclaimed piece Because I fucking said so

mathanxiety Sat 16-Jul-11 22:57:19

Gum stuck under the table

A collaborative piece involving unknown numbers of participants and taking place over perhaps years, this is a piece of haphazard or hidden/private art where the full effect can only be truly felt upon accidental discovery in the course of moving house or taking the 'canvas' apart for some reason -- let's say sale of the table to a neighbour. Attractive pastel colours belie the sheer physical effort involved in the multi-step process of creation; realisation of the amount of time involved in the compiling of the masterpiece evokes a sensation of awe at the persistence of anarchical leanings among youth. Or alternatively the installation is a comment on impermanence (of the gum flavour) contrasted with permanence (of the gum itself).

Grandhighpoohba Sat 16-Jul-11 22:57:26

The end of the World

A masterpiece of minimalist art, a broken pink wafer biscuit sits upon a plinth, whilst a soundtrack of heart rendering wails fills the room. A chilling commentary on the imperfections of reality.

MrsOlf Sat 16-Jul-11 23:12:01

Playing hospitals
A telling piece reflecting the desperate state of NHS resources which forces the audience to consider how budget cuts may impact A&E facilities.
4 artists (aged between 2 and 6) use Sudocrem and toilet paper to excellent effect to bring to mind plaster casts on the arms and legs of all 4 artists.
The audience is further forced to consider NHS cleaning issues when confronted with the same 4 artists in the related pieces 4 children in a shower being scraped clean and sudocrem washing mountain.

Mbear Sat 16-Jul-11 23:26:01

'one mor'

The artist is intent on demonstrating his reflexive relationship with the world at large. How 'one mor' can be liberally applied to all and sundry - from chocolate buttons, to kisses on the tummy, to hanging the washing on the line. The artist, is as yet, unconcerned with the concept of 'no mor' but surely this is his triumph - as everything is an endless possibility.

During your visit why not pay a trip to our newly refurbished restaurant?

With a state of the art kitchen designed in an exclusive collaboration between Fisher Price and Little Tikes, our highly trained chefs have worked together to create innovative and ground breaking menus including dishes such as Peas on Toast and fromage avec des fruits sur pain. Exclusive tasting menu available, with added touches such as eggs in your glass of water.

The food is presented on designer plastic crockery, the chef may even make full use of the kitchen by sending your food out in a frying pan. Cutlery, naturally, will also be from the exclusive plastic range.

Waiting staff are highly trained to drop your food prior to serving, and the chefs are likely to sit with you and share your meal.

Prices vary depending on the time of day, weather, colour of the plate and what shoes you are wearing. Please also note that portion size will vary. The chefs reserve the right to close at short notice, whether or not you have finished.

startail Sat 16-Jul-11 23:33:14

Yellow on Large White
Note how the artist has used the natural pigment of the Dandelion flowers to paint abstract and figurative designs on the stark white house wall.

Everybody in my Class and Nobody You Know

The first work consists of group portrait of approx 30 figures depicted in gold and silver gilt on a rose pink background.

The second work (by the same artist) developes the theme of the first to depict an individual of the above group in the act of getting away with murder.

The viewer is invited to contrast these socially entirely normal portrayals of teenage life with that of the actual artist (usually present as an off stage moaning rant interrupted by slamming doors, screeches of 'Like now you are pretending you care' and an unmusical backdrop of extremely nasal singing and random snatches of 'music' often attributal to Rage Against the Machine).

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Sat 16-Jul-11 23:45:18

I wonder whether we might present our works as a double bill, Barbarian?

Yes, good idea Maud, or perhaps as theatre (Live drama in eight hundred and twenty seven acts).

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Sat 16-Jul-11 23:54:06

Yes, or alternatively as a video installation, on endless loop?

trident Sun 17-Jul-11 00:01:55

.... turn the lights off - a study in human behaviour...

.. a minimalist display in subdued lighting of a couple on a sofa - the glistening of a single glass stood on a small side table - the contents reflecting in a strange very eery glow on the ceiling... the hum of the dishwasher and washing machine can be heard in the background.... in the distance a small thump thump thump of the bass of a sound system.... a buzz from a phone on "silent" (ignore) ... and THEN THE ALL MIGHTLY THUMP as the Kitchen Door flings open - the Kettle switch is banged ON - a fierce and mericless boiling of water - and then the rattling around in the cutlery drawer - then silence for at least two minutes - BUT NO - then there is a frenzy of activity as small strands of water/flour/additives and flavouring are exposed to the air - YES YES YES - THE POT NOODLE is born !!

JasHands Sun 17-Jul-11 00:30:08


An ongoing and challenging interactive performance, where the audience is invited to a game of 'football'. Played across various surfaces including carpet, concrete and grass, the scenes change with rapid fluidity. Tromp l'oeil is used to effect the rapid changes of pace and direction required to fully appreciate the piece.
Marked by homage to Diego Maradona (a former 'enfant terrible' of the genre) and alluding to the work of the Portugese artist Ronaldo, the audience will be astounded by the sheer wall of noise. Participants should be advised that ear protectors should be worn. Contains very strong language and the threat of having your leg broken. Unsuitable for anyone over the age of 8.

BeansGloriousBeans Sun 17-Jul-11 07:14:53

No Yes

A confusing and challenging piece for the most discerning critic. An auditory loop brings the eternal question 'Would you like...' echoing to the ears of the observer. In stark juxtaposition to the gentle questioning, a shriek of 'No' will strike out into the piece. Thrice No. The gentle dimming of the auditory loop 'Would you like' blurs gently to 'no thank you, ok then'
Just as the audience prepares to leave the installation they will find all their preconceptions of a harmonious resolution shattered by the one last, terrible wail of 'I wanna...'

oricella Sun 17-Jul-11 07:35:12

Dawn - A piece in tune with the seasons, exploring the fluid relationship between day light and the start of day. Summer visitors should be prepared to arrive early

microserf Sun 17-Jul-11 08:12:00

i not tired

it is the repetitive nature of this piece that poses the real challenge for the viewer. the artist uses herself as actor to explore the gulf between the hysterically repeated assertion "i not tired" placed in contrast with the overwhelming visual evidence of exhaustion, inviting the viewer to reflect upon the cultural constructs surrounding the meaning of the word "tired". in the end, who is indeed "tired"? the artist, the viewer - or society as a whole?

visitors are advised to wear protective earphones, as the decibel safety level is often exceeded during performance of this piece.

babybarrister Sun 17-Jul-11 08:39:36

I have just spat my tea all over the screen - this is absolutely brilliant!

SeniorWrangler Sun 17-Jul-11 09:03:13


This is an interesting observational piece in which viewers can watch the completely silent creation of an extensive mural created through the medium of the unwashable felt-tip pen all over a newly painted wall. The comparatively low height of the mural - in this case three feet - is a commentary on the limited ability of the artist to express himself freely within society, while the monochrome freehand swirls act as a witty intellectual counterpoint to the moral repression encountered by the artist.

companion piece to ...

After my nap

A looped black and white film from the 1960s showing a young mother discovering that her toddler daughter has removed her terry towelling nappy and extensively smeared the contents into every corner of her cot. The film shows the puzzled toddler repeatedly mouthing the words "Cleaning!" to her angry parent.

ditziness Sun 17-Jul-11 09:11:26

Fountain 2011

By placing an upside down potty in the gallery space this artist is giving a nod to duchampian values, playing with ideas of public decency and shock value, and making us want to simultaneously buy a packet of pull ups and write to the daily mail.

oricella Sun 17-Jul-11 09:16:19

Giggles leads the way in the Lovely Toddler Wing. The visitor will find herself alone in a presumably empty room where various inches of toddler will stick out from under brightly coloured blankets, while the silence is only broken by (almost) silent giggles

Other works in the Lovely Toddler Wing include Sloppy kiss on nose and the heart warming Cuddles

senua Sun 17-Jul-11 09:19:54

I missed the bus

This is a sound installation created by the artist in his later ‘teenage’ period. He had, by then, eschewed the aural drama of earlier works for a more subtle method of communication; quieter, some would even say animalistic in its subdued grunts and half-heard hints at words. However, in this piece, the artist reverts to his previous, toddler-period burning desire to convey his message in unmistakable terms. He speaks bleakly of missed opportunities, of abandonment and loss of hope.

He has matured, though, in his application and no longer uses the high-volume repeat-loop method to demand the audience’s attention. Instead he has invented an entirely new performance technique to add to his oeuvre - dazzling in its directness, in that it actually uses complete words, but also subtle in its entrapment of the audience’s emotional involvement in the production. Critics have labelled this innovative approach as ‘sucking up’.

grin rofl

I bow down to the artistic genius here.

Will this exhibition be touring?

MigratingCoconuts Sun 17-Jul-11 09:48:03

wee dance

a piece of performance art that captures the deep seated confllict between desire and necessity.

MinnieBar Sun 17-Jul-11 10:00:13


The long-since toilet-trained toddler engages the viewer in a well-rehearsed vignette.
Viewer: 'Do you need a wee?'
Toddler: 'NO. I do NOT need a wee.'
Viewer: 'Ok, well let's put you on the loo anyway.'
Toddler: 'Nooooo! I don't need one! Nooooo!'

The scene ends with the young artist producing a prodigious stream and the viewer sighing.

Repeated several times a day - you won't miss it!

Shut the door don’t shut the door

A performance piece demonstrating the frightening power of combined melodrama and volume in compelling others in society to comply with unreasonable demands. The artist purposefully slams a door himself, then becomes theatrically and loudly hysterical in being confronted with the shut door. The door is then opened again by an unseen force, presumably representing the dichotomy of both unwanted authority and also necessary agency for change, and the process is repeated ad infintum.

MinnieBar Sun 17-Jul-11 10:10:40

Don't miss at the end of every day:

Wine o'clock

In recognition of the fact that many of our exhibits are emotionally and physically draining, if you make it successfully through the lengthy piece that is Bedtime Routine, a glass of your favourite beverage awaits your eager hands.
Sit back, relax, and reflect on which pieces, installations, and one-act plays particularly moved and challenged you today.
Don't worry if you didn't get time to get involved with all of them thoroughly, as there's always tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.
Empty the bottle as you realise the full depths of your involvement…

snoopdogg Sun 17-Jul-11 10:20:23

Pisser sur le plancher

Performance piece installed in immediate proximity to lavatory. A further Duchampian tribute with a nod to Xu Lei and Xu Pei's ground breaking reinterpretation of the classic.

Companion piece - sopping pedestal mat

Ilythia Sun 17-Jul-11 10:37:00

The hairstylist

A despairing piece defining the concept of Infinity.This performance piece has the Artist sitting with a box of hairbands and clips and brushing her hair. As time goes on she slowly adds more and more clips to her hair until she is lying down from the wait.

Coming soon The hairdresser
As above, but she has found teh scissors. Accompanied by a recording of the discovering adult's hysterics.

Ilythia Sun 17-Jul-11 10:37:35

Bloody hell wait??

weight. Obviously

<<shoots self>>

LaWeasel Sun 17-Jul-11 10:50:22

The UnWhite Rug

A challenging piece, at first it appears as usual, a simple plain white flat woven rug, a little folded and worn in places. Yet on closer inspection the artists true marks can be seen. Bold colours bright in contrast - blue, green, pink. The marks casual yet coordinated.

Designed to inspire a complicated range of emotions in the viewer the artist displays this piece hanging so that the viewer can see the effect on both sides.

In the second stage of the piece the rug must be washed with bated breath to discover if the artists marks are truly eternal, or more transient frustrations to be removed by the cruel world around the artist.

MigratingCoconuts Sun 17-Jul-11 11:31:23

scribble 4 of 8

A piece so named to invite a free interpretation and not limit the experience. Medium is permenant black marker on wallpaper.

This is the fourth in a series where the artist experiments with different media in order to create a range of responses.

babybarrister Sun 17-Jul-11 12:46:39

push me, pull you

in this video installation the artist [aged 4] explores time space awareness and the dichotomy of life and death as he pulls off the top from the Epipen adrenaline injector pen used to treat his anaphylaxis and rhythmically pushes and stabs it into a wooded floor to the amazement and applause of his peers. The duality of the use of the Epipen to save a life or cause paralysis of a finger keeps up the tension in this stark video landscape.

Expletive Repeated

This high-decibel commando performance in the medium of new-found power of speech, offers a challenging counterpoint to the hushed grandeur of the art museum in which it is staged.

lobsters Sun 17-Jul-11 14:05:55

Potty training

This sculptural piece in a number of materials contrasts the strength, yet fluid nature of urine, with the solid, but ulitmately useless nature of a molded plastic pot. The added Disney princess decorations demonsrate the challenges in our society between modern consumerism, and the more basic human urges. The trail of liquid leading up to the plastic pot illustrate the futility of this journey in life and demonstrate how one is never fully ready to embrace consumerism, but instead prefer to allow one's natural sluid to flow freely on the outside.

IvaNighSpare Sun 17-Jul-11 14:59:04

unflushed toilet
A truly eclectic conceptual piece in which the onlooker is drawn to the clean, white curves of a white porcelain receptacle, whereby, on closer examination there is revealed a 'piece within a piece'- a cluster formation of nuggetts and sworls in colours ranging from burnt sienna to terracotta.

urbanproserpine Sun 17-Jul-11 17:25:24

I'm thinking there might be some arts graduates on mumsnet then?

DumSpiroSpero Sun 17-Jul-11 19:02:34

The carpet vanishes

A large installation piece featuring mixed media, particularly textiles and paper (and more and more and more paper). Viewers are invited to explore the piece in close detail, but please ensure you are equipped with sturdy footwear before taking part as Lego in the ball of the foot may cause distress.

MigratingCoconuts Sun 17-Jul-11 19:20:26

end of day

A small backpack sized display.... tumbling out of it a plastic bag containing soiled pre-school clothes, some black plimsolls with playdoh all over the soles and a lunch box with an old banana skin (blackening), a yoghurt lid stuck to the roof, a small spoon with yoghurt all over it and a half eaten cheese sandwich, curling at the edges...all hinting at the day experienced.

MrsKwazii Sun 17-Jul-11 20:22:50

Songs I have loved A musical interpretation of modern toddlerhood. Enter this simple space and lie on the soft floor while relaxing melodies soothe you.

As different coloured lights move softly across the space, lose yourself in reworked versions of "^Hello Puppy Calling^" "^Yellow Lion in the African Sun^" and "^The CBeebies Bedtime Song^".

CDs are available in the gift shop or as a download from the museum website.

feralgirl Sun 17-Jul-11 20:32:00

debut in white

In which a new and upcoming artist explores society's relationship with colour and the lack thereof by utilising, throughout various spaces, a range of media including cream cleaner, toothpaste and flour. The final space depicts the artist himself who has ingeniously disguised his own colour having painted himself from foot to face in sudocrem; a searing indictment on our pre-conceptions of racial stereotyping. The fact that he teeters at the top of a flight of stairs depicts in the starkest terms the way in which our own ideas of colour and race are precarious and unreliable.

WiiDram Sun 17-Jul-11 20:46:42

Hidden Danger

In this piece, the artist moves on hands and knees around a seemingly safe and babyproofed installation. However they challenge the viewers' perception, and the societal norms that limit behaviour within a gallery space, by discovering coins, marbles, and other small windpipe-sized objects on a floor that appears at first glance to be devoid of matter. The viewer will feel compelled to enter the work and remove the object from the child's grasp, thus breaking down the usual barriers between artist and public and allowing a unique way for the viewer to take home a small souvenir of their visit today.

snoopdogg Sun 17-Jul-11 20:59:12

blissed ignorance

A short film played on a loop depicting a heavily pregnant woman reclining on a sofa. The setting is a comfortable room with cream carpets, soft furnishings, pale walls, some fine artworks and beautiful glassware adorn the setting. Bookshelves are filled with classical literature, a selection of table top art books and a pile of new novels with the label 'books to read on maternity leave'. A cat sleeps quietly in a corner.

The woman relaxes with a laptop to hand, she scrolls through postings on a popular message board. Her face expresses amusement tinged with the sure knowledge that none of this will happen to her.

wordsmithsforever Sun 17-Jul-11 22:13:49

Lego Underfoot

Note the bewildered contortions of pain on the face of the adult in this somewhat disturbing but important piece. The anguish of the work perhaps echoes that of Munch’s The Scream. The primal scream of the parent has its roots in the realisation: I filled my house with this tat!

babymutha Mon 18-Jul-11 00:21:00

No (louder)

Audio piece in which the word 'no' is repeated ad infinitum becoming louder and more insistent each time. (nb please have medic in attendance)

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 18-Jul-11 02:11:22

I made Classics! I have Mumsnet Bingo!

Ahem <adds nothing at all to thread>

FromGirders Mon 18-Jul-11 03:49:37

blissed ignorance grin

ScramblyEgg Mon 18-Jul-11 08:27:52

It's the Morning Again

An audacious performance piece in which the artist challenges the viewer's preconcieved notions of night and day.

See also It's not nearly Bath Time the same artist.

BornSicky Mon 18-Jul-11 09:53:50

Part of the Early Days Exhibition, I offer you Newborn

Medium: Photography

A homely environment, warm soft lighting bathes the central figures in a moment of calm. The floor areas in the foreground are strewn with nappy bags, infacol and abandoned sleep suits. To the left of the frame a coffee table features remote controls, water glasses, and several partially eaten chocolate bars.

This haphazard array juxtaposes beautifully with the central figure of mother and child asleep curled into a sofa surrounded by the soft textures of pillows and dressing gown. The newborn's fingers curl round the mother's hand in a gesture of total and complete love. A small smile curls the mother's lip.

Our latest exciting addition to the gallery is

Angel #1 (unexpectedly sleeping)

This is a sentimental piece designed to be shown as a counterpoint to some of the more dynamic exhibits. The artist uses a cushion, his own body and especially his face, to create in the centre of the installation a sense of complete stillness and perfection. Around this in a circle, in stark contrast, are strewn numerous organic and non-organic objects, both whole and broken, which leads the viewer to recall the aftermath of a tornado or other natural disaster. The contradiction between the peace, beauty and stillness in the centre and the chaos and movement at the edges of the piece creates a strong sense of disorientation in the viewer.

hester Mon 18-Jul-11 11:36:32

Absolute genius. One of my favourite threads ever.

IvaNighSpare Mon 18-Jul-11 14:13:41

Boy to Man in 60 Seconds
Using no tricks, time-lapse photography or CGI, gaze in amazement as a five year old boy is transformed before your eyes from a fresh-faced infant to a man with a full, brown goatee beard.
Medium is Chocolate Ice-Cream.

upsylazy Mon 18-Jul-11 14:36:47

how I wonder...

A challenging installation by an interesting new artist set to a musical background. The artist stands on a sofa. If the audience look closer, they can see that the sofa has a large number of unknown stains of different colours and textures and shapes. These could be interpreted as clouds or continents or...? Also on the sofa are a number of mutilated plastic objects - a chewed lego brick, a decapitated doll. The artist begins to softly sing the timeless melody of "twinkle twinkle little star" gradually increasing in volume and becoming increasingly dischordant, perhaps representing the inner turmoil and dischord of the artist. When the song is over, the audience clap their hands. At this, the artist begins the song again.......Average running time of installation is 5 hours. After leaving the piece, audience members will reflect on the power of art to literally transcend the barrier of self as they themselves hear the song repeated in their own brain for several days.

LimburgseVlaai Mon 18-Jul-11 14:42:51

I told you so

Video installation where, on several screens simultaneously, images are shown of dogs and cats being tormented - here a dog is being smothered under a large cushion, there a cat is being detained by its tail, a second dog is being taunted by a shrieking tormentor fom a high vantage point. Suddenly the animals turn on their tormentors.

LimburgseVlaai Mon 18-Jul-11 15:59:57

I told you so [redux]

An exploration of the futility of parental advice.

Mixed mode by various artists.

Exhibits include: a door with crushed fingers; a favourite teddy, now forlorn on the lawn with animal bite marks; pyjamas covered in cat fur; clump of cut-off hair covered in glue; ice cream cone with sprinkling of sand.

Also some interactive exhibits including baby with full tummy that, when jiggled up and down, emits large stream of vomit.

Fillybuster Mon 18-Jul-11 16:07:42

I am absolutely loving this - best thing that has happened to me all day smile

Slubberdegullion Mon 18-Jul-11 16:10:53

Brown Disquietude


A small but powerful contemporary piece.

The viewer is directly challenged to contemplate the social construct of trying to keep the colours separate please.

This piece, on loan from the New York Museum of Modern Toddler Art, is the central component to the Triptych: Fuck You PlayDough. The remaining pieces, Probably a Pot and And Now You've Walked It In The Carpet So Help Me God are currently under restoration.

LadyClariceCannockMonty Mon 18-Jul-11 16:14:53

Work of genius in itself, this thread!

I'm just marking my place. Don't mind me.

LimburgseVlaai Mon 18-Jul-11 16:18:20

Brown Disquietude is a companion piece to Moonsand Magic, where brightly coloured sand, more expensive than cocaine, is quickly transmuted into brown sand which is gradually swept away until nothing remains but sighs of relief.

BrainSurgeon Mon 18-Jul-11 16:34:48

I can shout louder than you

A genius interactive re-enactment of the viewer's restrained and often vain attempt to express its dissagreement with the artist's behaviour

The artist's ability to outperform the viewer's disciplinary efforts by sitting himself on the naughty step, shouting "bad mummy" and "no, YOU are a cheeky monkey", is absolutely astounding and has the added bonus of surprising the viewer by its hilarity or, depending on the situation, it tragic closeness to tears....

BrainSurgeon Mon 18-Jul-11 16:45:19

upsylazy you humiliate me... a true masterpiece grin

BrainSurgeon Mon 18-Jul-11 16:47:29

BornSicky and Dude'smummy I love your e-selfportraits, I think you have invented a new art and I adore it smile

mathanxiety Mon 18-Jul-11 18:20:17

Glitter, Glitter Everywhere

A Christoesque piece characterised by sheer exuberance, the artist has collaborated with her younger brother to transform a dining room into a sparkling homage to all things Barbie. The scene calls to mind the immortal lines of Yeats -- 'All changed, changed utterly/ A terrible beauty is born', so thorough is the transmutation from semi-formal space to multi-coloured wonderland. On the table a disco ball (Christmas 1998) slowly turns, creaking slightly at one point of its revolution, casting a surreal, ever-changing array of coloured lighting effects over the work. Most viewers stand slack-jawed, dazzled as it were.

Media: glitter, and plenty of it, and school glue.

WillbeanChariot Mon 18-Jul-11 19:15:32

I'm so glad this thread got resurrected, I think it is a genius idea tortoise.

New for July 2011, this artist presents Swimming pool nightmare, a demanding physical piece for the viewer/participant. The viewer emerges refreshed from a pool of clear water and is immediately challenged by the requirement to put nappy and clothes on the damp and reluctant artist. Once this is achieved the difficulty increases as the viewer attempts to dress themselves at the same time as meeting variable challenges, which may include:
- removing old plasters/ clumps of hair from the artist's vice like grip;
- preventing the artist from placing self/clothes/towels/viewer's handbag in puddles of water;
- following the artist out of the room dressed in towel/underwear or a combination, as other viewers who have yet to begin their journeys through this piece look on with pity or amusement.

The performance produces feelings of frustration and occasionally embarrassment in the participant who invariably leaves sweating and exhausted, in contrast with their initial feeling of refreshment.

WillbeanChariot Mon 18-Jul-11 20:01:41

A quick look in before we go to bed

An uncharacteristically quiet piece aimed at this artist's most enthusiastic patrons. Here we see the artist in an unfamiliar attitude of repose and perfect peace. He looks very tiny in an oversized cot and has a small (and rather dirty) toy monkey clutched to his cheek.

The true genius of this artist lies in these rare pieces that seem so out of character. Without these occasional variations the most committed devotee could become weary at the sheer relentlessness of the more characteristic work. After viewing this and similar pieces the viewer is drawn back in and feels their enthusiasm for this important artist's work returning.

performancegirl Mon 18-Jul-11 20:04:29

City Scape-chalk mural drawn above bunk on freshly painted wall. Using natural chalk pieces found on a beach in Kent it (supposedly) shows Westminster Abbey, Big Ben & something which looks like a Stegasarus but is apparently the London Eye. One is drawn to praise the use of natural resources in the creation of this masterpiece & the versatility of working in the dim green glow emitted by an Ikea night light.

nymac Mon 18-Jul-11 20:38:46

I love this thread and find it very amusing, as an onlooker.

ditziness Mon 18-Jul-11 22:03:37

Familarilty breeds less photography

Fascinating photographic installation, consisting of a divided gallery space, one half being filled entirely by thousands upon thousands of practically indentical photographs of the artist as a newborn. The second half has three photographs. Two blurred camera phone shots of the toddler artist's knee and leg, one studio shot of the toddler artist and baby sister in a spookily white abstract background.

almostworkingmumof2 Mon 18-Jul-11 22:10:25

Rabbit in Paddling Pool

Taking her cue from the Brit-art movement and Damien Hirst’s striking early animal sculptures in particular, she leans into the rabbit hutch determined to turn Pebbles into a permanent sculpture through firstly preparing her work by squeezing her as hard as she can before running around the garden with Pebbles and dropping into “formaldehyde” / paddling pool. Fortunately this exhibit was rescued before the work could fully take shape… however, the artist persists in her bid to replicate Hirst in the back garden.

startail Tue 19-Jul-11 00:35:41

At first the canvas shows an idyllic rural scene of rolling corn fields and a hill beyond. Only closer inspection reveal the forlorn small child in the left corner and the blue balloon, little more than a dot in the distance.

A comment on the fleeting nature of childhood pleasures.
(or the perils of not listening to your Mother!)

Inertia Tue 19-Jul-11 09:37:24

She Started It! No She Started It First!

In this interactive physical theatre piece, which utilitises advanced sly pinching techniques, viewers are first reminded of the age-old chicken-and-egg conundrum.

As the viewer begins to engage with the piece, parallels may be drawn with the dilemmas faced by international peacekeeping agencies- punitive sanctions or diplomatic intervention?

Once a preset decibel level is attained, the viewer is rewarded with further interaction from a neighbour equipped with a party wall and a golf club.

The piece ultimately leaves the viewer with a hollow sense of futility and despair .

Forms half of a diptych alongside You Didn't Want It Until She Started Playing With It.

MerryMarigold Tue 19-Jul-11 09:37:29

Pants Hat'

This classic fashion exhibit is due to be installed at the V & A. In the meantime you can catch an early glimpse of this avant garde millinery right here. Following in the steps of Philip Treacy, this hot new milliner has created a cutting edge, yet chic hat from a classic. A pair of her brother's pants. The pants, preferably clean, range from M & S stripey ones to 'Buzz Lightyear'. The 'Pants Hat' is a very clever comment on the close link between our minds and our bodies. And it does look rather cute too!

Inertia Tue 19-Jul-11 09:50:42

We're Going To Have To Throw the Whole Damn Dinner In The Bin Now

A sumptuous, half eaten banquet of lovingly prepared roast dinner, in the process of being thrown away due to possible contamination from the drinking glass shattered by child flailing arms about despite being told eleventy thousand times to stop messing about at the table.

Medium:Roast beef, Roast potatoes, Yorkshire Pudding, Assorted Vegetables, Gravy, Shattered Drinking Glass

The artists follow-up works include Two Bloody Hours That Took Me, which illustrates the despondency associated with ultimately futile acts of nurture; and the self-explanatory Everyone's Having Plastic Beakers From Now On! And No Sodding Straws Either!

'The Cavernous Car'
The once pristine pride and joy of the driver has changed dramaticaly over the years. The once shiney blue exterior now has a sludgy brown 'splatter' effect added and a few scratches from where a small person has tryed to clean it with a scratchy sponge to try rid it off its new skin..... they were only 'trying to help'.

Moving into the interior of the vehicle we can see that several car seats have been squashed in and a rather large pram has somehow been ramed into the boot space. Its pure genius how they have mangaed to create enough space to fit everything. We can see from the interior decor that the artists are keen builders. This is evident in the lego bricks strewn into every concivible space. Someone is obviosly mad on ponies as there are piles of magazines strewn across the floor space along with polo wrappers, muddy boots and a haed collar. There are crumbs everywhere along with dog hair and ground in mud covers all floor space. The once clear see through windows now have finger marks and sticky smears addorning them. Moving through to the 'cock pit' We can see that a keen coffee drinker resides in the driver seat where it is surounded with empty paper cups.

Uniquely the artists in this exhibit have also been able to capture the smell.... a kind of mix between damp dog, wet PE kit, mixed with a bit of new baby kind of smell!
Oh look here comes what appears to be the owner with her hoard of artists.............. Bloody hell! she looks half dead!!
After managing to squeeze all 6 of her dc and 2 dogs into what looks like an impossibly small space she climbs into the car (which in fact is a vw transporter) along with her dh (who also looks half dead) grips the stearing wheel tightly, closes her eyes, takes a deap breath, starts the engine and trundles out of the yard.

WhenCanISleep Tue 19-Jul-11 11:54:01

Wet Floor

This is a performance piece. The artist attempts to complete a standing-up wee before the soft-close toilet lid closes.
The audience are afterwards invited to paddle in the wee left on the floor and to consider the futility of asking boys to aim straight. Occasional wall splashes can be viewed in much the same way as drying paint and leads to the audience to question: who should dry the wall?
Participation in this performance piece from adult males is also welcomed.

Miggsie Tue 19-Jul-11 12:29:43

Bird Nest Hair

As you can see, the single careless application of the brush before it is used as a tennis racket just highlights the futility of life and the endless small annoyances such as having to brush your hair can bring. One ponders the infinite nature of the universe, and asks "where is my sodding comb?"

Miggsie Tue 19-Jul-11 12:41:13

strewn floor

A stunning piece where the viewer returns again and again, just to wonder at the sheer completeness of it. The artist shows that no matter how many toy receptacles and clothes drawers there are, it is possible to empty all of them and exhibit each piece on the floor.

The ability of the artist to arrest the eye with thoughts of "so that's where my comb went" and also "I don't remember getting that" combined with a seemingly random yet cohesive texture where the carpet transcends the medium of floor so it is not simply carpet qua carpet but becomes a contributor to the piece in its own right. Reminiscent of Leonardo's "exploding wardrobe" period.

This piece may become hackneyed as the artist has returned to this theme many times as in strewn floor (bedroom) and strewn floor (playroom) as well as strewn floor (lounge) a much broader canvas where the media is strikingly added to by the flashes of DVD brilliance that twinkle so beguilingly you almost don't bellow "clear this bloody mess up!".

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Tue 19-Jul-11 12:52:33

It's Where You Left It

In this iterative performance piece, the now somewhat older artist strews the performance space with artifacts of excessive consumption in a consumerist society, often with a scholastic motif - sporting goods, homework folders, books borrowed from friends which must be returned that day. In a telling indictment of how, in that consumerist society, we may seek for meaning and purpose but may never find it, the artist them feigns blindness and amnesia and starts a keening cry of "where iiiiss iiiitt, I neeeed it this morning".

The viewer is thus drawn into the piece and must confront the dilemma of offering one of the prepared responses - It's in the middle of the floor, where you left it or Where have you looked for it? In fact, have you looked for it at all? - or extemporising a response of their own.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Tue 19-Jul-11 12:55:52

One observes a pleasing symbiosis between the adjoining pieces strewn floor and it's where you left it, each reinforcing the essential otherness of the piece and the alienation yet inherent involvement of the observer.

Miggsie Tue 19-Jul-11 13:07:41

Just one more minute

A dazzling pastiche of Dali's flopping clocks in that the piece both emphasises the existence of time while acknowledging the relativity of the experience of passing of time. This piece, using both video and audio creates a new paradigm for the "I could do this better" school of art unleashing the creative potential of how many times "just one more minute" can be repeated before the viewer blows a head gasket and begins to scream.

The undercurrent of the piece and its relentless questioning of "does this have to be done now?" and "does stuff have to end?" while presenting the inevitability of failure, endings, death and betrayal all within the context of the Cbeebies bedtime story leaves the viewer with the feeling that somewhere, someone has found an answer to this question but they won't share it.

This will form part of a touring exhibition along with the sister works of it's not bedtime and it's not bathtime later this spring which should give all parents a good idea of what to avoid.

Mibby Tue 19-Jul-11 20:48:48

In a new piece, created specially for MOMTA, an established artist investigates a new medium to create Sofa Cushion. This striking work uses swirls of melted butter, applied using a stick of fruit toast, to bring out the beauty of a previously plain sofa cushion. A dusting of crumbs across the surface adds another dimension, texture, to the audiences experience.

TheOriginalFAB Tue 19-Jul-11 20:51:15

I wish I was clever enough to join in on this thread.grin

Rising yellow

A warm yellow atmosphere permeates the room as the viewer seeks out the hidden messages within used pull ups secreted under the bed. The subject smiles, beguilingly at the viewer as a small puddle is revealed atwixt her feet.

The fury

A child rolls a ball. We see a mother and an older woman watching. There is a subtext of barely disguised fury between the subjects. To the left a man can be seen typing into his computer.

mathanxiety Wed 20-Jul-11 02:51:42

Food, Food Everywhere

Another offering from the younger artist responsible for 'Glitter, Glitter Everywhere', this performance piece features the artist himself, now approximately 6 feet tall and sporting a little facial stubble, approaching the refrigerator at approximately 11.10 on a Saturday morning, opening it to reveal shelves groaning under the weight of leftovers in tupperware bowls, milk, eggs, cheeses of different provenance, various condiments, cold meats including some fairly nice ham, staring bleakly for several minutes, then saying, 'There's nothing to eat." The audience is invited to ponder whether the refrigerator light has rendered the artist blind.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Wed 20-Jul-11 03:49:33

Miggsie, that is brilliant.

SpiceWeasel Wed 20-Jul-11 09:48:32

Steel Banana

The artist is suspended, convex, over the pristine, Maclaren-branded pushchair. In an ironic twist on machines-vs-humanity, the small human triumphs.

PeppermintFrog Thu 21-Jul-11 00:36:12

Baby eats a snail

This breath-taking, indeed stomach-churning piece of performance art, the first public work by an up-and-coming young artist with a developing sense of the dramatic, is truly not for the faint hearted. In taking the relationship between human and wildlife to a new level, the artist blurs the boundaries beween gastropod and gastronomy in a way that even the French would find challenging. The final act in the performance, entitled The Chunder, squares the circle and provides at least some degree of comfort to the audience.

(One snail was harmed during the making of this piece. Sorry.)

Pussinglads Thu 21-Jul-11 20:23:46

The Museum of Modern Toddler Art takes an interactive approach to its Restrooms with the recent installation of the audio acoustic performance piece Give Me A Frickin Minute. As you use the facilities, let your imagination be inspired by screams echoing around the walls, and their plunge into haunting silence. Wonder at what may be causing the noise, and marvel at why it has suddenly stopped. Enjoy the melancholy refrain of 'Mummy', repeated ad infinitum, while you attempt to go to the toilet, apply lipstick and brush your hair. Listen out for the climactic crescendo of the piece: The Fall, in which screams, calls, and silence are juxtaposed with An Almighty Crash.

Warning: Inappropriate for those without nerves of steel.

spinaltap Tue 26-Jul-11 20:02:28


In this moving and highly political piece, a lone business textbook floats folornly in a bath of water. What does the artist have to tell us about the futility of capitalistic ventures? Is he making a statement about cooling the flames of greed? We shall never know the artist's true intentions because, as ever, he refuses to talk about his work, or even acknowledge its existence.

PelvicFloorOfSteel Sat 30-Jul-11 20:43:51

And here we have a work by a new and relatively inexperienced artist:

Self-portrait in ready-brek

The artist has created a mask of his own face, broad confident spoonstrokes may lead the viewer to believe that he has been working with the medium of warm oat based cereal for longer than just a few weeks but that is not the case. The way the mask is recreated on his clothes, the highchair and the carpet seems to speak of the way society expects us to conform and blend in with our surroundings but with a subtle twist, the artist has made his surroundings conform to blend in with him.

The artist has also been responsible for Bloodbath or strawberry? and the gut-wrenching Regurgitated rice cake, we expect his work will only improve as he broadens his food palette.

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