Please remove your book from my knickers DS

(409 Posts)

said to my 11 month old who presented me with a book to read to him while I was on the loo.

Any other things you never, ever thought you would say?

TobyLerone Thu 26-May-11 09:55:37

"Stop doing the Running Man in my office. It's distracting me from my spreadsheet."

Said the other day to a colleague.

cheethaz Thu 26-May-11 10:00:52

"No, its not nice to put rice in your china" (my daughters word for vagina when she couldn't pronounce it properly)

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino Thu 26-May-11 10:01:54

'your bottom hole is not an octohatch and I don't want to see you open it.'

<chokes on my drink> grin

what is an octohatch anyway?

Sirzy Thu 26-May-11 10:01:56

Love this thread!

"no your aeroplane doesn't need washing, especially not in the washing machine"

sjm123 Thu 26-May-11 10:02:02

Why is there buttered bread in your bed?

Get down from the ceiling, slowly.

Who has been making tripwires from wool and safety pins?

No, inside the sofa bed is not a good place to hide, get out before you hurt yourself.

I said you could have a snack, like a cheese string, not the entire block of cheese.

Please stop posting my CDs out of the letterbox.

Please get off of my head.

And many, many more. Thankfully they've pretty much grown out of this kind of stuff now grin

BerylOfLaughs Thu 26-May-11 10:02:31

OMG these are hilarious!

"Yes, thank you for showing me, now could you put it back where you got it from" x10 per day

After accidentally turning the tv on without checking the channel first:
"No darling she called the other woman a short, fat mutt, it's just a type of dog, no, 'slut' isn't really a word. I've never heard it before, have you?"

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino Thu 26-May-11 10:03:38

beryl, lol lol lol

TeeBee Thu 26-May-11 10:05:24

Trinity don't you watch the Octonauts??? [grins] It is the opening to their submarine thingy.

openerofjars Thu 26-May-11 10:05:26

Okay, this one needs to go in Mumsnet Classics.

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino Thu 26-May-11 10:06:59

oooh the octonauts, I have seen that but not lots

Bottleofbeer Thu 26-May-11 10:07:26

Not so much the things I've said (though there have been thousands of them over the years)

I've had to put a wetted teatowel over my finger on practically up my son's bum when he experimented with pepper whilst naked.

I've had to remove chewing gum from same orifice of another son - it went on for ages.

And squeeze my daughter's ears so she could poo.

Bottleofbeer Thu 26-May-11 10:08:18

on = *and. Sheesh.

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino Thu 26-May-11 10:09:33

I've had to encourage a pretend poop so that dd1 could poop out a marble that she had no idea how it had come to be there hmm

and she HAD to do it on the potty because she didn't want to lose the marble down the loo....

fuzzypicklehead Thu 26-May-11 10:10:45

"Not right now, Mummy's scraping your sippy cup off my oven racks."

"I found your shoe--it was in the dishwasher"

JumpJockey Thu 26-May-11 10:11:54

"That's right darling [aged 15 months], give mummy the hammer"

In my defence, I was putting up some garden trellis and she had been playing at the other end of the garden thereto.

Likesshinythings Thu 26-May-11 10:12:37

"stop drinking the bath water, your bum has been in it"

"No, Mummy is not prepared to kiss that better. It's where you wee from"

openerofjars Thu 26-May-11 10:12:47

"Stop calling Grandma a bum sandwich, DS"

"Please stop bouncing on my head"

"Stop licking that/running around with that in your mouth/hitting Daddy with that or it's going on top of the fridge until tomorrow"

"No, that man is NOT Daddy"

kerpob Thu 26-May-11 10:13:14

We have pet chickens so, we have had the following:

"Chickens don't like to trampolene."

"Stop putting pegs on the chicken."

"Who put chicken poo in my wine?"

And the weirdest:

"Take your Gormiti off the chicken."

No, you cannot go for a wee while your sister is on the toilet.

to DS AGED SIX!!!!!!! FGS!

Please don't put tomatoes under your pillow again. hmm

MyLifeIsChaotic Thu 26-May-11 10:21:02

Message withdrawn

HazedandConfused Thu 26-May-11 10:21:03

I actually had to make a rule for DS:

"No climbing on touching mummy while I'm going to the loo, until I have finished AND PULLED UP MY KNICKERS".

QueenofDreams Thu 26-May-11 10:24:17

'sweetie, get out of the washing machine please'

'I am NOT a trampoline, ouch, ouch'

'I don't think your sister wants to eat a lemon' swiftly disproved when she burst into hysterical howls as I took the thing away.

PMSL at the octohatch though!

TeeBee Thu 26-May-11 10:26:58

Wouldn't be so bad but the opening the Octohatch is always accompanied by them singing the theme tune. My sons are very weird creative.

"No, Jasper Conran is not your Daddy"
"dd2 stop playing with dd1's bum"
("Is that a man or a lady?") "That's a lady." ("How do you know it's a lady mummy?") "Cos it's a lady. Come on, walk a bit faster" blush
"I don't think mummy wants all these toys in her bath"

"I don't think your willy is meant to be wrapped around a pencil"

"Don't use your tongue when you kiss the dog"

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