The MN meaning of Liff

(337 Posts)

Douglas Adams and John Lloyd wrote a book called The Meaning of Liff that used existing place names to give names to commonly recognised feelings, experiences and objects that didn't already have a word for them.

For example:

Cotterstock - a piece of wood used to stir paint and thereafter stored uselessly in a shed in perpetuity.

I was thinking last night, as I stood behind my 3.5 year old daughter sort of herding/hooshing her upstairs to the bath avoiding a variety of potential distractions, there ought to be a word for this.

And then I thought, there are probably loads of commonly recognised parenting phemonema that could be 'Liffed'.

I browsed google maps this morning and came up with the following place name/ definition combos but would love to know yours too...

Kirtling - benign kettling required to keep small child going in the direction you need them to.

Poxwell - act of knowingly covering up of active chicken pox spots in order to make a quick dash into shop for milk or make an international plane flight home.

Ousden - constant flow of greeny/silver snot from small boys, the trail said snot leaves on the shoulders of all of your clothes; 'ooh, hang on, you've got a bit of ousden on that shirt'.

I am sure there must be good definitions for:

Two Mile Bottom
Throop
Weeley
Little Clacton and Great Clacton

And good place names for:

The poo that takes out an entire outfit.

The child-related objects (spare pants, raisins, playmobile duchesses) that fall out of your handbag in important business situations.

The face that teenagers pull when you suggest a healthy walk after lunch.

CookieMonster2 Thu 12-May-11 14:42:07

Great Clacton is the noise my DS makes when he is hungry but I tell him its nearly tea time so he should wait.

I love this thread.

MyMonkeyNeedsMe Thu 12-May-11 14:42:30

Surely the poo explosion will be Shitterton? grin

Euphemia Thu 12-May-11 14:48:18

How about:

Tibbers - The child-related objects (spare pants, raisins, playmobile duchesses) that fall out of your handbag in important business situations.

Tillicoultry - all the utensils and knick-knacks that clutter up your kitchen drawers.

Scrabster - the debris you find when you pull the bed away from the wall.

Gartly - the way you walk when you just tripped over something and you know everyone's looking at you.

GentleOtter Thu 12-May-11 14:51:02

Scrabster is the owner of the football which has been kicked into your dahlias.

GentleOtter Thu 12-May-11 14:51:39

scrabster x-post. grin

piginmuck Thu 12-May-11 15:02:10

Undy in Monmouthshire for spare pants!

GentleOtter Thu 12-May-11 15:07:09

Achnashellach - the effort required to shift stubborn phlem after a nasty cold.

Weeley The behaviour adopted by littlemad when he knows he's in trouble, he knows I know what he did and he's killing time while he waits for sword of damocles to fall in the hope that loving behaviour will somehow lessen the blow.

Euphemia Thu 12-May-11 15:27:21

Ecclefechan - What you say when you drop an iced bun on the floor, icing side down.

Oh some lovely ones there. grin at Shitterton and Gartly.

I'd like to add Chatteris - the unrelenting stream of consciousness talking coming from the back seat of the car which, though seemingly harmless, eventually causes you to drive into the back of other cars at traffic lights.

Wallace Thu 12-May-11 16:09:24

Great idea for a thread grin

Honeydragon Thu 12-May-11 16:12:13

Shilbottle The cheap own brand of Calpol / Squash / Own brand sauce / supermarket biscuits that you bought to save money, and they refuse to put in their mouths at all. Yet it continues to sit in the cupboard taking up space as you can't bring yourself to bin it or use it yourself.

Every home has a Shilbottle somewhere.

Euphemia Thu 12-May-11 16:30:27

Beith - the bits of meat stuck between your teeth after you've had Sunday dinner.

Knockbrex - pants that crawl up your cludge every time you wear them.

Clackmannan - the sound of your bare thighs slapping together when you sit down in a steamroom.

Abinger Hammer - a piece of duplo used in anger

Honeydragon - Love it!!

LucretiaInShadows Thu 12-May-11 17:46:50

Raunds - unfortunate digestive complaint

Ringstead - itchy, unsightly skin disorder

Euphemia - I have a depressing familiarity with Clackmannan. grin

Fimbo Thu 12-May-11 17:49:18

Liff is where the deranged used to go in my home town.

Fimbo Thu 12-May-11 17:50:25

Lochearnhead. Surely when you are at loggerheads with someone.

Trinaluce Thu 12-May-11 18:29:12

Euphemia Tillicoultry is already taken (The man-to-man chumminess adopted by an employer as a prelude for telling an employee that he's going to have to let him go.) As is Scrabster (One of those dogs which has it off on your leg during tea.) - and Clackmannan I'm afraid! (The sound made by knocking over an elephant's-foot umbrella stand full of walking sticks. Hence name for a particular kind of disco drum riff.)

Lucretia Whereabouts in the country are you? Both of those are near where I used to live...

Achiltibuie (n): The stifled expletive you utter when you tread on a Lego brick in bare feet but can't ACTUALLY swear because DC is right next to you.

Nether Burrow (n): The tunnel your DC is digging to Australia - right in the middle of the only patch of flowers you've actually managed to convince to grow.

Kelk (n): The unidentified sludge found on your DC (usually the face). You don't want to know what it is or was, all you know is that it won't come off.
Little Kelk (n): 'Kelk' that will shift with a little spit and thumb-scrbbing
Great Kelk (n): An advanced state of 'Kelk', the removal of which can only be achieved by bathing and the use of sandpaper and dettol.

(My personal favourite from the original work has to be Kettering (n): The marks left on your bottom or thighs after sunbathing on a wickerwork chair.)

My favourite bit from the book (which is IMO one of the funniest things ever written) is the corridor section.

CORRIEARKLET (n.)
The moment at which two people approaching from opposite ends of a long passageway, recognise each other and immediately pretend they haven't. This is to avoid the ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognising each other the whole length of the corridor.

CORRIECRAVIE (n.)
To avert the horrors of corrievorrie (q.v.) corriecravie is usually employed. This is the cowardly but highly skilled process by which both protagonists continue to approach while keeping up the pretence that they haven't noticed each other - by staring furiously at their feet, grimacing into a notebook, or studying the walls closely as if in a mood of deep irritation.

CORRIEDOO (n.)
The crucial moment of false recognition in a long passageway encounter. Though both people are perfectly well aware that the other is approaching, they must eventually pretend sudden recognition. They now look up with a glassy smile, as if having spotted each other for the first time, (and are particularly delighted to have done so) shouting out 'Haaaaaallllloooo!' as if to say 'Good grief!! You!! Here!! Of all people! Will I never. Coo. Stap me vitals, etc.'

CORRIEMOILLIE (n.)
The dreadful sinking sensation in a long passageway encounter when both protagonists immediately realise they have plumped for the corriedoo (q.v.) much too early as they are still a good thirty yards apart. They were embarrassed by the pretence of corriecravie (q.v.) and decided to make use of the corriedoo because they felt silly. This was a mistake as corrievorrie (q.v.) will make them seem far sillier.

CORRIEVORRIE (n.)
Corridor etiquette demands that one a corriedoo (q.v.) has been declared, corrievorrie must be employed. Both protagonists must now embellish their approach with an embarrassing combination of waving, grinning, making idiot faces, doing pirate impressions, and waggling the head from side to side while holding the other person's eyes as the smile drips off their face, until with great relief, they pass each other.

CORRIEMUCHLOCH (n.)
Word describing the kind of person who can make a complete mess of a simple job like walking down a corridor.

Will see if I can think of any of my own.

GooGooMuck Thu 12-May-11 18:50:55

Marking my place. Op you are a genius grin

GooGooMuck Thu 12-May-11 18:52:36

Lumbertubs: Pseudo-IKEA subtandard toy storage.

Bethersden - the kind of duvet/eiderdown which always slides off the bed in the night.

chutneypig Thu 12-May-11 19:01:53

Plungar the sinking feeling when you realise that your children have worked out how to open the stairgate on their room.

Not that I've actually caught them at it, you understand, but the footfall is telling. And given they've been up there 90 minutes, that tells you quite how bad they've been today.

I love Chatteris.

MNHQ this HAS to go into Classics, brilliant thread!

Trinaluce - I think we're going to have to allow re-use of some of the place names. Adams and Lloyd have got a lot of the good ones. Though they do go international.

Love the Kelks; DD ended up with Great Kelk after a boiled egg for tea.

And Lumbertubs makes me smile.

MrsCuldesac Thu 12-May-11 19:28:24

Fovant the wobbly globe of foam you get when you've squirted washing up liquid under a fast kitchen tap.
Meavy feeling slightly unstable as you step off an escalator but have to keep going to keep up with the crowd
Crickleaze the series of sounds a saggy wicker chair makes after you've stood up
Micheldever a specialist screwdriver head used on one specific expensive item, that you can never find when you need it
Crugmeer an ugly garden tool used to grub about in unpleasant undergrowth

Mumbles - parents you only know by the name of their child.

Piddlehinton - the result of trampolining with a weak pelvic floor.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 12-May-11 19:37:48

Monks Toft: the sort of mohican hair you sometimes see on a very young baby.

Honeydragon Thu 12-May-11 19:37:51

Knockbrex - pants that crawl up your cludge every time you wear them.

Euphemia You've done the world a great service, finally I can look around, stand against a wall and sort out my knockbrex, thankyou grin.

ginmakesitallok Thu 12-May-11 19:38:04

Fimbo - you're near me then..... It's now full of overpriced houses

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 12-May-11 19:38:21

Penshaw The felt tip / crayon squiggles done on a wall when you aren't looking.
Seaham The thing that your DH comes home from the supermarket with when you specifically asked for nice ham.
Hutton Henry the sound the Hoover makes when there is Lego and tiny plastic toys stuck in the tube.

grin at KenDoddsDadsDog

OtheHugeManatee - love it!

MrsChemist Thu 12-May-11 19:55:29

Tockholes - The holes that appear in old pairs of underpants, due to wear and tear.

Terrington St John - the child you hope your son or daughter makes friends with at nursery.

Brent Park - the child your son or daughter wants to invite home for tea.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 12-May-11 21:14:11

Wrestlingworth - the judgement call you make about trying to make a toddler put its trousers on.

GentleOtter Thu 12-May-11 21:19:37

Ecchlefechan - the feeling that comes over you when you have just struggled getting a three year old dressed and in to the car then they need a poo.

Bellagio Thu 12-May-11 21:20:40

Shotts
those wee malteserish poos

ShouldersBackAndNoBiscuits Thu 12-May-11 21:22:53

kilbirnie the little bit of sunburnt skin that you were sure you had covered with factor 50 and feel hideously guilty about.

bearsden a construction made out of two kitchen chairs, a clothes airer and a spare duvet cover.

wilmslow the speed at which a toddler walks, which is inversely proportional to the speed at which you need to get somewhere.

Love this thread. Classic please MNHQ.

SpringHeeledJack Thu 12-May-11 21:24:26

I remember this book!

me and my sister still refer to stubborn unchewable bits in meat as Grimsbys

Springheeled Jack - :-) Kentucky has made it in to our family vocabulary:

KENTUCKY (adv.)
Fitting exactly and satisfyingly. The cardboard box that slides neatly into an exact space in a garage, or the last book which exactly fills a bookshelf, is said to fit 'real nice and kentucky'.

ziptoes Thu 12-May-11 21:35:00

DH and I actually have a placename definition for a poo that takes out an entire outfit - a boswell. named after the pub where it first happened.

miniwedge Thu 12-May-11 21:35:44

crapstone that awful feeling you get when you realise you are no longer young and nubile, more old and immobile....

ziptoes Thu 12-May-11 21:37:41

Eek - I have to add that the eponymous boswell ocurred in a pub with a nice beer garden and wiped out DS's outfit at about 8 months. I'd hate you to think that either DH or myself ever wiped out our own outfits with a boswell.

p.s. to qualify for true boswell status, you must have forgotten to bring a change of clothes for DC.

ziptoes Thu 12-May-11 21:40:43

Gartnavel discovering what the inside of your bellybutton looks like when you're pregnant.

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 12-May-11 21:44:52

grin at Boswell.

Gina Ford potty training, just outside Knutsford:

Lower Peover
Nether Peover
Peover Inferior
Peover Superior
Peover Heath
Over Peover

KenDoddsDadsDog Thu 12-May-11 21:59:33

DonaghCloney The really smelly poo that your baby or toddler does exactly at the moment that you join the checkout queue, step into a lift, enter the doctor's surgery.

nenevomito Thu 12-May-11 22:02:22

desborough that feeling you get when you realise there are no clean nappies in the bag and a large poo has been done.

weedon the feeling that follows desborough due to an un-nappied child.

TiggyD Thu 12-May-11 22:03:05

Bucklebury When you get a bit of skin caught in a fastening, like a zip or buckle.

Winklebury Similar ,but more specific.

We need a name for the act of rapidly passing off the baby to your partner after smelling a DonaghCloney and suspecting a Boswell.

Ooh KenDoddsDadsDog - that's a rich seam of place names :-)

Ballynabragget - the woman at baby and parent groups who says her baby has slept through from 6 weeks, but looks too knackered for it to be true.

GentleOtter Thu 12-May-11 22:19:25

Muckle Flugga - the effort from carrying a heavy, sleeping child upstairs to it's bed.

OTheHugeManatee Thu 12-May-11 22:22:26

Shingay-cum-Wendy The epic tantrum just as you're about to leave, caused by a lost toy that must not be left behind and which is discovered, when you're already an hour late for the wedding, in a corner of the playhouse.

wearymum200 Thu 12-May-11 22:24:41

Piddletrenthide: the ring of wee on the bathroom floor made by a DS misaiming again, which you only discover when someone treads in it!

This thread is hilarious, thank you!

TiggyD Thu 12-May-11 22:31:18

Muckle Flugga was the name of the Night Garden character who got sacked for his drug problem. His song went:
"Yes my name is Muckle Flugga,
I'm a evil minded drunken bugger..."

ShouldersBackAndNoBiscuits Thu 12-May-11 22:47:14

Chorlton-cum-Hardy the rabbit pellet poos preceding a further bowel motion of epic proportions.

Cheadle Hulme is clearly the name you are looking for there auntieB as in, 'I can't believe you managed to pass that stinking child to me, that was a right Cheadle Hulme!'

GeekLove Thu 12-May-11 23:12:28

Only one here
Durham The quantity represented by the 5ml of fruit juice left in a carton or the single biscuit left in a packet is precisely a Durham.

:-) Geeklove - that reminds me of my favourite NiceCupofTeaandaSitDown.com review:

Bourbons are also reassuringly uniform in size regardless of the manufacturer. Perhaps Bourbon biscuits could form the basis of an SI unit of measurement, with biscuits being measured in Bourbons e.g. the digestive has a diameter of 1.13 bourbons, or that ocean liner is 7.6 kilobourbons long, or wavelength of light emitted by that Argon/Krypton laser is 46.1 nanobourbons. I'm sure you see what I'm getting at.

biscuit

Inertia Thu 12-May-11 23:38:15

Sheepy Magna - pieces of baby-poo-encrusted cotton wool. Parents of newborn babies soon learn to move on (despite the recommendations of health visitors) to ...

Fontwell Magna- baby-poo-encrusted, fragrance free organic cotton baby wipes.

And thence to

Bolas Magna- baby-poo-encrusted, generic, cheap baby wipes.

LOVE the Meaning of Liff; have had a dog-eared copy in the loo for years. My favourite from the book has always been:

STURRY (n.,vb.)
A token run. Pedestrians who have chosen to cross a road immediately in front of an approaching vehicle generally give a little wave and break into a sturry. This gives the impression of hurrying without having any practical effect on their speed whatsoever.

How about (been looking at Google Maps):

Trull (noun) A new Mumsnetter who bursts on the scene posting in such a mind-bendingly crass manner that all other users become immediately suspicious, unaware that said poster is deadly serious and - wait for it - mind-bendingly crass.

Mutterton The unitelligible chuntering commentary carried out by batty old ladies, whilst searching at length in their purse for small change in the Post Office; totally oblivious to the half-mile queue behind them.

Broadwoodwidger The wodge of folded beermats used to keep the pub piano on an even keel; thus providing a more stable surface for the pianist's glass of mild and brown.

Barripper The kind of flatulence best appreciated whilst sitting forward on a hard plastic chair.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Thu 12-May-11 23:54:37

Tiverton - a timid child who hides behind his mother at all times

Ardingly - a way of giving a firm stare so your child knows they're misbehaving

Pease Pottage - what ends up on your floor during BLW.

Beckenham - the skilful art of getting your child to hurry the fuck up because we are going to miss the bus.

Downham - what a parent must do with their drinks to avoid (a) child burning themselves on it or (b) the child drinking it all themselves.

Lullingstone - what a toddler's head does as they unwillingly start to doze off despite having told you they are not tired.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Thu 12-May-11 23:56:01

Can anyone think of definitions for

Bodmin Moor

Bewbush

Honniton

?

I think the Bodmin Moor should be the needle you drop on the floor and spend the next three years looking for....

And the Bewbush is obviously the small shrub behind which people relieve themselves on the way home from the pub.......

VicarInaTutu Fri 13-May-11 00:12:55

bewbush is a lady garden after 9 months of pregnancy. as in, i havent seen my feet for 6 months and you should see the state of my bewbush

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 00:23:11

Honiton is Netmums HQ.

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 00:28:45

Throop is the pre-vomit retching sound a child makes.

The time interval between Throop and vomit is precisely 3 seconds less than the time required to fetch, or steer child to, a lavatory or other suitable receptacle.

Further to Inertia's post - Honiton is actually the imperial weight measurement of NetMums - e.g. "ShandiMariesMummie1995 weighs just under
3.6 Honitons (or HT) and wants to lose 2.6 HT to fit into her summer kaftan"

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 03:47:27

<howl> grin

Hastings - the reason beekeeping and children don't mix

Locks Bottom - what a toddler might do if you try and force them into early potty training

Sittingbourne - one of many positions to use during labour

Crawley - how your skin feels when you discover your child has eaten a worm again

Padstow - a common method of storage whereby you discover a pen in your Wellington boot

Crantock - the dreadful mood your child is in after a late nap

GeekLove Fri 13-May-11 08:04:47

Ilkeston

The aura of knowledge someone has about a new person when all the have heard about them comes purely from gossip and rumours.

Glossop - Commonly the source of the Ilkeston.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 08:16:46

Gossops Green - the area of town where all the grumbly old ladies who detest your children live.

Lewisham - the phenomenon that a child will always say NO when you ask if they need the toilet.

Any ideas for Shoreham, Perranporth and Moreton-in-Marsh?

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 08:26:11

Moonfleet - what happens when a group of toddlers decide to run around naked

Badgers Mount - the awkward moment at the zoo where your child asks what those animals are doing...

GentleOtter Fri 13-May-11 08:26:18

Perranporth - the way a disasterous gravy acts between gravy boat and plate.

Moreton -in- Marsh - the feeling when you put on a wet welly with bare feet.

CaveMum Fri 13-May-11 08:37:58

I adore Douglas Adams and am living this thread!

OP you must be in my part of the world judging by s

CaveMum Fri 13-May-11 08:39:21

Gah stupid phone!

"loving" the thread obviously and I meant to finish with "judging by some of the places you have used"

MmeLindt Fri 13-May-11 09:08:27

Oh, you lot are clever. Cracking thread.

Friockheim (pr Freekum) - the art of freaking out German visitors by pronouncing place names completely differently to how they are spelled.

Auchtermuchty - (adj) soiled with dirt - eg. "Who let the dog roll in the cowpat? You can wash her, I am not touching her, she is auchtermuchty"

We have measures of wine defined by places. A Geneva is a thimbleful of wine, a Balbeggie is a bucket.

Are there posh houses in Liff now? Is the hospital still there?

DirtyMartini Fri 13-May-11 09:12:14

I know someone who lives in one of those Liff houses. Tis nice. Would be too big for me I think, couldn't keep it clean.

Lossiemouth: the feeling you get when you've half-eaten a Penguin biscuit whilst doing five other tasks at the same time and you put it down somewhere whilst wiping a nose or washing a dummy, and then somehow it vanishes when you were still anticipating the last bit sad

Chatteris and Mumbles are definitely entering my vocabulary, as is Kirtling, although I feel my version may not be quite as benign as the OP's.

Does the orginal have a definition for the feeling that you have an unfinished cup of coffee somewhere, if only you could remember where you left it?

GentleOtter Fri 13-May-11 09:42:16

Strelitz - either another one for freaking out German visitors grin or the sore cut from paper.

Wolfhill - where tantrumming children are left to be gobbled up by the inhabitants.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 09:52:38

Does the orginal have a definition for the feeling that you have an unfinished cup of coffee somewhere, if only you could remember where you left it?

Sidcup?

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 09:55:54

Mangotsfield - a spot chosen for a picnic which turns out to be infested with insects

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 09:59:07

wookey hole a space between the stripped floorboards where the DC have been inserting valuable objects

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:03:14

Rhiwbina- a hippie-style fruit growing co-operative.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:03:42

Pishill Unused elevated area at the side of the school field where younger potty training siblings go to relieve themselves.

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:04:26

Leebotwood- small child whose nose permanently needs wiping.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:06:11

vange - lady parts after an episiotomy

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:06:59

Clun - the punchline to a Jenny Eclair joke.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:07:50

Blandford Forum An alternative name for Netmums

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:08:21

We're on a roll Inertia!

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:09:22

Gussage St Michael The feeling you get when your M&S tights go a little saggy.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:11:48

Martyr Worthy The mum on the PTA who gets landed with all the shit jobs.

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:12:47

Shoreham - the act of convincing your wife of facts that you haven't actually checked.

MardyBra- I am going to have to go and do some cleaning now sadly, but I take my hat to Gussage St Michael!

Six Mile Bottom the use of six times the usual amount of toilet paper for a particularly large, sticky and possibly foul smelling evacuation.

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:14:08

Hat off, clearly.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 10:15:26

Exeter - the art of leaving quickly when your child suddenly announces they need a wee NOW!

GentleOtter Fri 13-May-11 10:15:30

Clabby - when you fall asleep with your hand up and numbs then falls on your face.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:16:29

I should be doing my admin too. I am a frequent victim of Shoreham grin

Mildenhall a passageway with increasing damp causing all sorts of green scum to grow.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 10:17:55

Braintree - An amorphous roundish green blob on top of a brown line, as drawn by your child after a walk in the countryside.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 10:19:53

Somersham - Not-so-nice ham bought in emergency from cheap supermarket.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:20:26

slattocks an untoned behind in leggings

Bluebell123 Fri 13-May-11 10:21:09

Wendens Ambo - all that's left in the toy box when you've taken out all the recognisable stuff. Fluff, a solitary dice, three marbles and a puzzle piece from a jigsaw you don't oen

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:21:19

Splott - the pus from a recently lanced boil.

Helions Bumpstead - a back injury caused by over-exuberant birthday celebrations.

Sawston a special kind of rock saw owned by men called Iain (not Ian) who drink cider and have ginger beards (not beers)

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:23:26

wardle (vb) to sing slightly off key. There is a particular timbre to infant school assemblies where groups of children wardle in different keys at the same time.

thefirstMrsDeVere Fri 13-May-11 10:24:12

walthamstow to conceal potentially incriminating substances in a swift and skillful manner.

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:26:17

OThe and Mardy- what well-timed postings ,for I believe that Somersham is without fail bought by people who choose to show off their slattocks.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:26:36

Slyne - the black mould which gradually builds up on manky bath toys

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:30:54

Ings Debris found at the bottom of a handbag. Must include at least 2 buttons, some receipts, a child's toy, tissues, a totally random object and 37p in change.

GentleOtter Fri 13-May-11 10:32:39

Hove - the noise made when cleaning a smear on the mirror with your breath.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:33:04

grin Inertia. Right, off to do some work now (and you need to clean).

Feel free to shoot me if you see me on this thread in the next two hours.

MardyBra Fri 13-May-11 10:33:44

MNHQ - classics please - I love these.

GentleOtter Fri 13-May-11 10:40:30

Sullom Voe - That thing teenagers do with their mouths when asked to tidy their bedrooms.

halfcaff Fri 13-May-11 10:40:59

Surely Two Mile Bottom would do for the outfit-annihilating poo?

CatPower Fri 13-May-11 10:41:44

Findo Gask - The feeling you get when you rush 100 yards down the road late for a very important appointment and realise you've left your hair straighteners/hob/grill on.

Muir Of* *Ord - the generic name given to any Lego Star Wars character that you can't remember the correct name for.

Inchnadamph - the technical term for the water line left around the bath after bathing a very mucky four year old.

halfcaff Fri 13-May-11 10:47:07

Itchen Abbas - what happens when you encounter a patch of nettles when you are trying to get to the watercress.

Inertia Fri 13-May-11 10:48:10

Machynlleth - Bless you !

( gets back to hoovering before Mardy spots me )

West Chiltington a brisk wind that causes you to gasp at the coldness in polite society causing much embarrassment.

bronze Fri 13-May-11 11:00:28

Fakenham- the stuff that isn't nice ham

Oh you have all been busy and brilliant. Wookey Hole and Slyne - fantastic :-) . I've had to stick dd in front of a dvd so I can read and enjoy them properly.

candleshoe Fri 13-May-11 11:02:02

Thrupp - that special kind of vomit that can travel at speed and to enormous distances.

Chipping Sodbury - the urge to buy fish and chips for their tea even though you know you have the ingredients for a 'proper' meal in the fridge.

Dursley - that insane, almost delirious, sleep deprived state in the first four months with a new baby.

Painswick - the scar that is forever on your child's face or body, that was caused by an accident you should have prevented, that is there to remind you that you are NOT the perfect mother!

Nupend - the way of lifting a child's legs up one handed by the ankles in order to change the nappy.

bronze Fri 13-May-11 11:02:36

Redbourn- How the bed/floor looks after having given birth

I love this thread. ~I've just ordered the book as I haven't read it for years and I suspect my parents still have it

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:04:10

Cowlinge - The wisp of hair that keeps getting in your eyes while you're trying to cook, make a phone call and defuse World War III all at the same time.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:08:34

Cherry Hinton A MNer who has never participated in a Friday night bumsex thread.

candleshoe Fri 13-May-11 11:10:03

I am one of those then OTheHugeManatee!

bronze Fri 13-May-11 11:11:59

Dereham- Nice ham, the opposite of Fakenham

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:12:08

Brent Pelham - a sticky patch on the carpet

Stocking Pelham - as above, but on your last pair of hole-free tights

CaveMum Fri 13-May-11 11:12:13

NorfolkNChance - another local eh wink

Dullingham - the boring mum/dad no one wants to talk to in the playground

VenetiaLanyon Fri 13-May-11 11:12:25

Ible - the noise of pure joy and triumph that a parent makes when a zoo animal actually deigns to make the sound / action that you've mimicked for many a long year, rather than just staying asleep like all the other wretched zoo animals.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:12:43

Dereham is the sort you buy from the poncetastic deli for £££, right? grin

CaveMum Fri 13-May-11 11:13:50

And OTheHugeManatee grin

[gives secret East Angular handsignal]

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:14:41

Shaftenhoe End When a troll thread in the Relationships section deteriorates to surreal insults

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:17:38

<sidles up to CaveMum >
<handsignal>

grin

bronze Fri 13-May-11 11:23:35

Melton Constable- leaning drunkedly against a police constable and gushing about how you think they do a great job

BoffinMum Fri 13-May-11 11:25:00

Auntie Bulgaria*, a Littleover is handing a small nappy wearing child over to another adult because they have suddenly become smelly.

<pulls up right trouser leg and gives the signal to CaveMum >

Inertia posted;
Throop is the pre-vomit retching sound a child makes. The time interval between Throop and vomit is precisely 3 seconds less than the time required to fetch, or steer child to, a lavatory or other suitable receptacle.

I would like to add;

Great Yarmouth - the choice, having correctly identified a Throop, whether to use your hands as a suitable receptacle or get vomit on the carpet.

Chipping Sodbury - the barky stuff in play parks that gets stuck in your sandals.

Burwell the ability to remove excess material skilfully

BoffinMum Fri 13-May-11 11:27:53

Halfcaff, that would surely be a Six Mile Bottom, as near Newmarket.

We used to play a great game where we provide "Women's Institute" as an unfortunate suffix to real life place names. As in "Loos Women's Institute", "Ugley Women's Institute" and my personal favourite, "Six Mile Bottom Women's Institute". I would be intrigued to hear further suggestions.

Ely that slimy feeling you get when retrieving rogue spaghetti from the bottom of the washing up bowl.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:29:59

Norfolk I was wondering about Ely! grin

Cockayne Hatley - Making sure your child is covered up on a sunny day but forgetting to do the same for yourself, with lobster consequences.

Queen Adelaide a monarch with dubious tastes in reptilian mating

candleshoe Fri 13-May-11 11:30:30

Waterly Bottom - that slight incontinence you get when you are seven months pregnant with twins! grin

BoffinMum Fri 13-May-11 11:30:40

A Mickleover is a quick squirt of the fringe with an ironing water spray and a subsequent 10 second blast with the hairdryer to make it look as though you are groomed when you have not had time to wash your hair properly (or anything else, for that matter).

Prick Willow little person who is a bit of a cunt.

BoffinMum Fri 13-May-11 11:32:21

A Brancaster is a very posh cheese and pickle sandwich.

Yes! first ever discussion of the day. Thank you Douglas Adams and John Lloyd. I'm so glad people are remembering the book. I used to carry the small version around in my pocket for reading at bus stops.

bronze Fri 13-May-11 11:38:15

Boff- on that note there is a place called Reddish Green where there may be a brownie pack

candleshoe Fri 13-May-11 11:41:32

Toadsmoor - the ability of a six year old boy to find water of all kinds streams/puddles/ponds/bogs etc.

Cricklade - the funny neck you get when you've fallen asleep on your child's bed while they are ill/distressed/playing up.

Bussage - the wide bottom you develop after the birth of your third child.

candleshoe Fri 13-May-11 11:44:49

Bisley - the eerie and suspicious quietness that occurs when your toddler is busy doing something destructive/naughty. Eg. Covering themselves and the dog in Sudocreme or making a snowstorm out of tissues.

CaveMum Fri 13-May-11 11:46:26

Norfolk I almost spat my tea over the keyboard at your Burwell suggestion. You must have a similar one for Red Lodge or Brandon wink

llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch an excellent remedy for clearing your throat

I’m from the West Country originally [escapee] and my dad always referred to Chipping Sodbury as Sodding Chipury!

bronze Fri 13-May-11 11:47:38

red lodge - The tanpon that hasn't come out but can't be found
(inspired by a recent thread)

candleshoe Fri 13-May-11 11:48:00

I live just up the road and we all call it 'Sodding Typical'! Cavemum.

bronze Fri 13-May-11 11:48:59

Bacton- The weight you put back on immediately after a crash diet

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 11:57:43

Biggleswade - The slight feeling of being over the hill as you try and explain old-fashioned references in children's books you read when you were young.

stillstanding Fri 13-May-11 12:14:08

love this thread!

Brandon the process of covering your week old baby in as many labels as possible, probably aquired from a baby shower with gift list.

Bumpsadaisie Fri 13-May-11 12:31:54

Little Gidding - the dazed but cute way your toddler staggers around after playing ring o' ring o'roses too enthusiastically

Beck Row an argument that breaks out after drinking bottled beer that tastes like gnats piss.

Bagda Fri 13-May-11 12:55:41

Chew Mendip - the event where you find yourself at a friend/relative's house for dinner who have graciously made a separate meal for your very fussy dc who refuses to eat anything except cheese sandwiches made with dairylea.... only for aforementioned dc to come over all adventurous and wolf the entire contents of your plate, which you smilingly allow in the interests of progress despite what a loon it makes you look in front of said friends/relatives and the fact it leaves you with only dry bland sandwiches for your special dinner.

Hopton Wafers the special biscuits you keep hidden from the dc and cram in when they aren't watching.

Mappowder the unidentifiable substance which finds itself all over your dc's belongings when they haven't cleaned their schoolbag/pe bag out for a while.

Vulgar Fri 13-May-11 13:13:28

penistone The whisper you try to conceal when your child is fiddling in his pants in company.

bagpusss Fri 13-May-11 13:13:29

Ramsbottom - the toddler behaviour of always getting under your feet: George, you're ramsbottomming again

Bawtry - general low-life behaviour you'd be ashamed to admit to.

Skegness - other people's dirty flats and houses

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 13:15:17

Little Rollright - 4-month-old baby

Great Rollright - 8-month-old baby

Chulita Fri 13-May-11 13:16:47

Foy the look your toddler gives you when they're after your chocolate biscuit.

Osbaston the black, cement-like ming that burns onto the bottom of the oven and refuses to come off.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 13:18:21

Marsh Gibbon - A very muddy and over-excited child.

Chulita Fri 13-May-11 13:18:37

Pillowell the state of having your pillow scrunched in exactly the right way

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 13:22:00

Abington Piggotts Those wispy pseudo-bunchies nethuns some people try and put in baby girls' hair.

Bearcrumble Fri 13-May-11 13:24:21

Binbrook That foul juice that trickles out all over your hall when a sharp bit of plastic pierces a refuse sack on the way to the outside dustbins.

Chulita Fri 13-May-11 13:24:46

cholstrey- cold demeanour of 'regular' mums at a toddler group towards the 'new' mum

Vulgar Fri 13-May-11 13:26:55

Strood The unstoppable torrent of puke that babies to over the shoulder

Bearcrumble Fri 13-May-11 13:27:08

Fenton Pits The sour milk neck crevices on a possetty newborn.

Lucifera Fri 13-May-11 13:27:38

Arpafeelie - the suspicion that a hand on your leg in a crowded bus is deliberate.
Cambo - trying to get your toddler to smile for a photo.
Easter Kinkell - stumbling round a cold, damp garden in the early hours hiding chocolate eggs.

Bearcrumble Fri 13-May-11 13:29:04

Praze-An-Beeble What competitive mothers do very loudly at piano recitals.

MmeLindt Fri 13-May-11 13:38:58

Oh, you are in The Round-Up. Congrats.

grin

Honeydragon Fri 13-May-11 13:54:07

Boulby The sensational thrill of discovering and / or the excited anticipation of removing a hardened bogey, firm wodge of earwax, bellybutton lint or even toe crud from a beloved offspring's orifice.

Honeydragon Fri 13-May-11 13:55:48

Birstwith The feeling of pride and success when one's thread has appeared in active convo's wink

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 13:58:25

Withernsea - a nine year old's scathing look.

Chulita Fri 13-May-11 13:59:13

grin @ Arpafeelie and Fenton Pits

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 14:02:58

Pickering the kind of argument which begins when the elder sibling relentless corrects and informs the younger of her various errors and failings, before things progress into actual physical violence.

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 14:04:09

Hull the nightamarish hiatus after naptime and before teatime in which it is too early and too late to send a child to bed again.

boredonasunday Fri 13-May-11 14:04:54

Can anyone provide me with a name for that moment when 3 cars arrive at a mini roundabout at exactly the same time resulting in a few seconds where they all sit and stare at each other willing someone to go first. I could've done with it earlier...

Fimbo Fri 13-May-11 14:07:16

Huntington. Where the huns hang out fighting over prams.

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 14:09:15

Goole - chocolatey dribble.

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 14:09:50

(can you tell I'm using a convenient copy of 'Complete Yorkshire' for inspiration here?)

sloggies Fri 13-May-11 14:17:48

Waves accross the room at Joan. And yes.

sloggies Fri 13-May-11 14:19:29

Mallerstang . The frustration you feel when you have inadvertently hit a body part with a mallet. grin

smellyeli Fri 13-May-11 14:21:56

Loving this thread! We used to read this book under the table in 0-level English, ah, those were the days.

Loving Joan of Argos's Yorkshire inspired offerings.

Shropshire offers plenty of rich pickings too, if I wasn't too pregnant to think - and the Corridor Etiquette section of the original is a definite fave.

Great Chatwell - an unexpectedly popular MN thread?
Church Preen - the thing the WI do the day before Harvest Festival
Pulverbatch - fairy cakes deemed unsuitable even for the school cake stall, and are put out into the garden for the birds?

MinnieBar Fri 13-May-11 14:36:28

Ouse - the sensation you get when you feel sperm making a return journey hours after the event. Okay, that's a river and not a place, but perhaps that's actually more apt...

DorisDoesntDance Fri 13-May-11 14:42:44

Crossbush - the state of one's lady garden that necessitates a visit to the beautician

Bittadon The accidental use of teeth by a breatfeeding child.

Babeny the bobbly bits of hair on the back on a newborn's head that eventually wear off to reveal:

Monkokehampton the newborn hairstyle featuring hair on top and back with a distinctive band of baldness horizontally around.

Milton Damerel the words emitted upon realisation that yu've run out of steriliser at the same time as holding a Six Mile Bottom nappy

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 14:49:34

Luxulyan - A pointless 'luxury' version of a boring, everyday product.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 14:51:31

Scredda The dried, translucent end of a bit of hard cheese, with teethmarks in where someone has gnawed the last edible scraps off it.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 15:02:38

Aberystwyth - the nostalgic daze you go into while remembering how peaceful life was before having children.

TiggyD Fri 13-May-11 15:05:05

Stanford Dingley A hanging bogey of somebody who has been to a top university.
Colthrop Being hit on bare skin by some kind of wet ball.
Clench Is actually a place not too far from me. I've looked on the map for hours hoping there would be a Clench Bottom nearby, but no luck yet!
Tutts Clump A meeting of Netmums' Moderators!

Corry - nest-like dents in sofa left by corpulent middle-aged women after they have spent the best part of a weekend watching the omnibus edition of soap operas

Balgy - crusty, semi-solid snot flicked, missile-like, across the room by bored, floppy-haired teenagers

Totescore - subtle checking-out and mental heirarchy ranking of rival mothers on school run; based solely on the brand, style and probable cost of their handbags

CaveMum Fri 13-May-11 15:12:38

boredonasunday I'd go with Wendling

Suggestions please for:

Barton Bendish
Stow Bardolph
Tydd St* *Giles
Pode Hole

lostinwales Fri 13-May-11 15:14:05

wetwang - the last little dribble of wee that a potty training boy gets on his pants/waistband of his trousers during an unscheduled emergency outdoor loo stop.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 15:16:53

Liskeard - what happens when you have a screaming baby at the till and can't find your damn wallet.

Weymouth - the art of figuring out how much fruit purée to shove in a newly weaned baby before it pukes or sneezes.

Launceston - the toecurling pain of getting a safety pin in your finger.

Weybridge - the art of figuring out just how much shopping you can fit on the buggy before it collapses.

Wadebridge - past tense of the above. Usually in the sentence "oh well, that Wadebridge failed didn't it!" as child wonders why the fuck it's suddenly staring at the supermarket ceiling.

CaveMum Fri 13-May-11 15:19:42

If anyone wants a link to the original Meaning of Liff click here

My personal favourites:

YADDLETHORPE (vb.)
To exit huffily from a boutique (or indeed from Mumsnet - could this be the new "Flounce")

LOWESTOFT (n.)
(a) The balls of wool which collect on nice new sweaters. (b) The correct name for 'navel fluff'.

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 15:20:26

York the act of continuing to read the bedtime story aloud through a yawn, because to stop and actually do the yawn would take up valuable time in delaying the moment you get to say 'and THAT'S the end of the chapter, night night;.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 15:23:36

I've added the Deeper meaning of Liff to my wishlist (it's the revised and updated version apparently)

DorisDoesntDance Fri 13-May-11 15:28:24

Mendips out of character moments when your DH leaves the toilet seat up/thinks changing a nappy is being "helpful"/wakes you up to tell you the baby's crying

bronze Fri 13-May-11 15:28:25

pants I would have got that instead if I had realised. I thought it was a sequel

DorisDoesntDance Fri 13-May-11 15:31:04

aw! these are from the original and are my favourites:

POPCASTLE (n.)
Something drawn or modelled by a small child which you are supposed to know wait it is.

PAPPLE (vb.)
To do what babies do to soup with their spoons.

Lucifera Fri 13-May-11 15:33:48

Stow Bardolph, CaveMum, is a huge school bag that can actually accommodate the Complete Works of Shakespeare.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 15:38:37

Compton Pauncefoot - what happens when you step on Lego or an upturned plug.

Dancing Dicks - the phenomenon that all little boys seem to love showing off their willies - or is that just mine? hmm

Droop - what happens towards the end of an evening when the children are playing up and you just want to sleep.

Dead Cow Point - what happens when you get sick of breastfeeding a demanding toddler and decide it's time to wean.

Ae - the half-arsed response you give when your child says "watch me mummy" for the millionth time.

Goosnargh - when you try not to sneeze, and it sort of happens internally and stings a little, this is the sound you make.

Plucks Gutter - looking all over the high street for the teddy bear your child has dropped despite you telling them every five minutes to look after the damn thing.

GentleOtter Fri 13-May-11 15:43:33

Has Twatt been done? (Orkney)

The slap which kills the clegg sucking the blood from the nape of your neck.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 15:57:39

Ham Green - that iridescent colour you get on not-so-nice ham when it's been in the fridge too long

FlappyBaps Fri 13-May-11 15:58:29

Penge - the name given to one's jack and danny from the moment immediately following a natural birth until the reinstatement of one's pelvic floor.

Arcadie Fri 13-May-11 15:59:22

Best
Thread
Ever

Repps - the greasy, shiny patch on the rump-end of a travelling salesman's cheap polyester suit; the result of him driving his Vauxhall Mediocre the length and breadth of the West Midlands.

Great Plumstead - the shelf-like overhang of flesh, exposed by the inadvisable choice of pale pink leggings, sported by the less than athletic members of a parent teacher association.

Field Dalling - loitering around in expanses of ripe wheat whilst wearing droopy indian cotton skirts, in the hope that one may look artistic and come-hither enough to be mistaken for a Cadbury's Flake girl by a passing Alan Bates-style farming rustic.

OTheHugeManatee Fri 13-May-11 16:04:17

Colesty (adj.) - Flavourless, starchy pap suitable for feeding recent sufferers of D&V is said to be colesty.

DrSuze2010 Fri 13-May-11 16:08:10

Nether Poppleton (Yorks) for those damn crotch poppers on sleepsuits that never seem to match up...esp when child is having a tantrum.

bonnetarte Fri 13-May-11 16:13:41

Whiffling - when your dog puts it's head out the back window of the car- 'oh look mummy that dogs whiffling!'

emmaavon Fri 13-May-11 16:14:43

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Arcadie Fri 13-May-11 16:17:03

Osmotherley That slight feeling of pride, smuggery and hope-that-others-were-watching-ness that you get when your child was the only one to say thank you without being asked first.

And DrSuze if you know of Nether Poppleton you'll probably have heard of...
Osbaldwick the cocktail of feelings that is in equal measure: shame, despair, and mild hatred that you feel towards an Osmotherley Mum

Fimbo Fri 13-May-11 16:18:05

Emma please don't spam the boards. You need to pay to advertise on this site. I have reported your post.

Pancakeflipper Fri 13-May-11 16:24:54

Pudsey - a word used when eating out, your eyes are bigger than your tummy and you order that pudding cos it looks gorgeous but after a few mouthfuls realise your pants will explode if you eat any more.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 16:27:39

Goosenargh - the filthy look/snarl you give when DH encroaches on your bum

Grimsargh - as above but when he does it in public

Woodplumpton - fat pigeon

Penwortham - ham so nice you write down the specific brand

Kirkham - the thin wet slices in thrifty sandwiches made by old ladies.

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 16:28:57

And if you've heard of Osbaldwick, then tang hall is the odd smell near the area where you keep the shoes....

Arcadie Fri 13-May-11 16:29:34

Oh Joan it surely is.....

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 16:30:01

I think I can smell both from here....

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 16:32:14

Taunton when a child (usually eldest sibling) gets in that certain frame of mind where all they are capable of doing is baiting and winding up a younger sibling.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 16:32:30

Widnes - when a child says she's desparate for the loo but only a teaspoonful is forthcoming

SpawnChorus Fri 13-May-11 16:35:51

Nine Mile Burn - the amount of loo roll used the morning after a hot curry.

Little Wittenham - brief playground small talk (usually with Mumbles)

Long Wittenham - droning on at Mumbles to compensate for the fact that you still don't know their name.

JoanofArgos Fri 13-May-11 16:36:40

Hampstead - the pet has expired.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 16:37:19

Ambleside - the rare occasions when you've got enough time to walk at your toddler's speed and look at all the stones, ants etc smile

SpawnChorus Fri 13-May-11 16:39:36

ROFL at:

Achiltibuie (n): The stifled expletive you utter when you tread on a Lego brick in bare feet but can't ACTUALLY swear because DC is right next to you.RR

SpawnChorus Fri 13-May-11 16:41:05

Niddrie - naked and skinny

SpawnChorus Fri 13-May-11 16:44:16

Corstorphine: making appreciative noises under ones breath when in the presence of a Letchworth

Letchworth: attractive person

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 16:51:53

Purse Caundle - the fluff/old receipts etc which accumulates under your change

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 16:52:53

Prittlewell - child who is abnormally capable of using a glue stick

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 16:54:29

Glossop - the result of craft lesson with majority not Prittlewells

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 16:56:45

Abergwyngregyn - roughly translates as 'go on, have another one' said by someone who has had more than enough already.

I have a prittlewell DD [proud]

(still needs assertive kirtling, though, and is a constant producer of chatteris)

johnworf Fri 13-May-11 17:16:14

Fantastic! I'm loving all of these grin

Quenelle Fri 13-May-11 17:21:25

Nuneaton - the first six months of BLW

Arcadie Fri 13-May-11 17:24:56

Scrivelsby Attaining your child's five-a-day only by ransacking the freezer for frozen peas & sweetcorn.

Quenelle Fri 13-May-11 17:27:20

Witney - the little sore bump you can't leave alone when you've bitten the inside of your lip.

BoffinMum Fri 13-May-11 17:33:56

A Pode Hole is the hole in the bottom of a pair of shoes that manifests itself via surprisingly soggy socks when you are on the way to work and have no spare shoes or socks to hand.

A Stow Bardolph is the manoeuvre you do when travelling on a no-frills airline to conceal the fact that you have an extra piece of hand luggage such as a changing bag about your person, in addition to your handbag.

BoffinMum Fri 13-May-11 17:37:19

Petersham is somebody else's ham.

jugglingjo Fri 13-May-11 17:42:34

Great Clacton The sound of my DS practising his trumpet grin
( spent many a happy day in Clacton, Walton and Frinton as a child, on the beach or pier )

Frinton The expression of some when told that someone else spent their childhood days in Clacton grin

GrimmaTheNome Fri 13-May-11 17:51:33

I grew up in Clacton, as it happens. (Imagines lots of frintonning... I'm not sure if its an expression of envy or mild contempt thoughgrin)

jugglingjo Fri 13-May-11 17:53:58

We were always given the impression that Frinton was posher by my grandpa, but that might be because his family were from Frinton wink

joshandjamie Fri 13-May-11 18:05:28

East Hagbourne - what new mums look like in the morning after a night of no sleep

West Hagbourne - what those same mums look like come sunset

dawntigga Fri 13-May-11 18:06:00

MarksPlaceToComeBackAndReadTiggaxx

GeekLove Fri 13-May-11 18:14:37

Biggleswade The finely poised state of mind in an older baby or toddler when the slightest touch sends them into fits of giggles.

GentleOtter Fri 13-May-11 18:21:26

Shirmers - a sideways glance at the person who has made a smell in a lift.

notdesigner Fri 13-May-11 18:33:41

Auntie Bulgaria - fab thread - laughed till I cried.
I think Axminster accurately describes the face teenagers pull when faced with a healthy after lunch walk.

pacita Fri 13-May-11 19:11:39

Barton Bendish: (n) The small but audible fart a heavily pregnant woman makes when bending over. "Oh, God, she just let a Barton out"

gingerwench Fri 13-May-11 19:18:43

From DH -

Aberdour – a sad teddy bear

Ballingry – emotion where tears are close, somewhere between angry and upset, frequently observed in toddlers

Burnturk – the feeling that a poo is imminent after a curry

Gellyburn – precursor to a burnturk

Edradour – sadness induced by a bang on the head

Assloss Weightwatchers HQ

Broadbottom where you're sent when you get kicked out of Assloss

Diggle what teenagers do when they're trying to subtly get cash out of their parents

Plucks Gutter Street in a red light district

Snig's End the little bits at either end of saucisson or chorizo

Mumby - pet name your child has for you, that you secretly hope they never grow out of.

Little Timble - hand-crafted, sustainable-source wooden musical instrument that DC show absolutely no interest in.

Studley Roger - Dad who likes to take charge at PTA barbeques.

Peebles - stuff that looked interesting when you were at the beach.

Creeting St Mary - a child who pinches your child and then bursts into convincing tears as their mother hoves into view, thus gaining you dirty looks.

I'm looking for the word that means the remains found in a forgotten lunchbox.

HoneyDragon - there's been some Birstwith here today :-)

Trinaluce Fri 13-May-11 19:52:13

Campsey Ash The cigarette butts you find in your driveway/parking spot/on your doorstep when no-one in the household smokes

Eaton Bray The praise you give your DC for eating one single solitary item from their lunch/tea/dinner/supper/whatever you call it despite their solemn intent at the start of the meal not to eat a bite.

Drayton Parslow The item that earned that praise once DC has chewed it a few times, decided they don't want it after all and spat it out. Usually into your hand.

Cropredy The stage at which it is decided that scissors are the only way to remove that unidentified congealed mass from DC's hair, after every other method has been attempted

Norton Juxta Kempsey The phenomenon on MN where two threads appear above one another and appear to tell a story, or where the last person to comment on a thread has an amusingly apt name

Alfrick The sound you utter just after you click 'Post Message' on a new thread and realise there's a typo in your thread title

clam Fri 13-May-11 20:06:34

Meaning of Liff has always been my favourite loo-time reading.

<<wonders whether reading the laptop on the loo is A Step Too Far>>
<<wishes was witty enough to add to the thread>>

Trinaluce Fri 13-May-11 20:16:48

OHHHHHH and MoL and Deeper MoL are two seperate books, Deeper is not a revised edition smile

(Well that's what I thought - Amazon seems to think it's revised. IMHO it's definitely worth having both grin)

thederkinsdame Fri 13-May-11 20:16:50

fakenham the false smile you do when you meet someone that you can't stand but have to be civil to

wispington the really quiet talking demanded of new parents when trying to put their newborn to bed

Bleak hey nook for when the holiday cottage isn't up to much

ladybank a woman of a certain age with a single, shelf-like bosom

troon the singing one does when one too many sherries have been downed

ardnamuchan the dirt on a country driver's car

badcaul

* Jemimaville* a group of people considerable posher than you

specialmagiclady Fri 13-May-11 20:25:31

Ouse... the sperm coming back one - in our house that's called Chernobyl Fallout....

CatIsSleepy Fri 13-May-11 20:31:23

Tring the feeling of joy when you find money in the pocket of jeans you haven't worn for a while

Penkridge the hardened patch of skin that develops on the side of your middle finger as a result of writing for hours when you are taking exams

Trinaluce Fri 13-May-11 20:40:38

Stoke Gabriel The little forced whisper coming from behind a curtain at a primary school production, audible to the entire audience but evidently not the child it's aimed at (usually the one picking their nose or waving at their mum or with their costume tucked into their knickers)

Outer Hope What you tell your DH/DP you hope to achieve with a day off (something virtuous along the lines of 'finish all the ironing, tidy and clean the house from top to bottom, walk the dogs five times and broker peace in the Middle East')

Inner Hope What you ACTUALLY hope to achieve with a day off (get to nap time without the DC being on the naughty step more than they're off it, iron one shirt and actually sit down for five minutes with a cup of tea and some daytime telly)

Freathy The texture that whatever it was that formerly occupied that mug on the windowledge has now gone

Milton Keynes The sound a class of teenagers makes when an English teacher announces they're to be reading poetry today

London Apprentice (Cornwall, honest) What the same class would rather be talking about

Trinaluce - as you might expect, we've got MoL and DMoL here - the definitions from MoL are in DMoL but then there a load of additional ones. Twice as many, it says on the back.

Trinaluce Fri 13-May-11 20:53:02

Personal preference I suppose. I just like MoL better for some reason smile

PelvicFloorsOfSteel Fri 13-May-11 20:56:45

Zeal Monachorum What you end up with when you try to muster fake enthusiasm for reading the same book for the fifth time in a row.

Clannaborough That group of mums at toddler group deeply involved in a conversation about their million mutual friends who you've never met (had this one this morning).

Murchington The bit that escapes the top of a nappy when a poo is slightly too big to be contained.

Careful Fri 13-May-11 21:01:36

Great thread grin

Beckermonds - the surreptitious eyebrow movements you make when trying to quietly semaphore messages to your DH at a party

Blubberhouses - what your house is like at the end of a children's birthday party when everyone is over-tired

Wistow - the feeling of vague regret you get when you think back on everything you planned to do with your life when you were a teenager

Great Heck - the feeling you get when you arrive at work, turn round and see your child still sitting in the car seat, instead of being at nursery where you should have dropped them off en route

jugglingjo Fri 13-May-11 21:04:56

Tring,*Outer Hope* & Inner Hope are my three new words for the day.
Did you know that 2 and 3 year olds are commonly adding 6 plus words to their vocabulary every day? Or something along those lines !
I wonder how many I add to mine in a year ?

Ach I misread your posting - I thought you were asking. I also prefer the original.

DorisDoesntDance Fri 13-May-11 21:29:31

aw my village has been Liffed!

I thought Milton Keynes was a collective term for PFB mothers who sanitise everything to within an inch of it's life.

Trinaluce Fri 13-May-11 21:44:53

Heh heh, well I live here and I am definitely not a Milton Keyne!

I lived there until a few years ago, now I am up the road - I am definitely not one either grin

BounceBounce Fri 13-May-11 22:01:58

Message withdrawn

PelvicFloorsOfSteel Fri 13-May-11 22:16:36

Mamhead - Pregnancy brain that continues into motherhood.

SocietyClowns Fri 13-May-11 22:18:01

Love it... Marking my place and desperately trying to remember the name of the place I drove through earlier which made me snigger...

SocietyClowns Fri 13-May-11 22:21:29

Haven't read all yet so it may have been mentioned but Bill Bryson also writes about place names... I think Nether Wallop was a favourite - sounds like what I rarely have to threaten dd1 with hmm

PelvicFloorsOfSteel Fri 13-May-11 22:21:33

Ilminster - a child who has been perfectly healthy all weekend and suddenly starts exhibiting signs of illness on monday morning, 'he's being a bit of an ilminster this morning'.

PelvicFloorsOfSteel Fri 13-May-11 22:23:21

Whitelackington - The colour of all the white babygrows after being washed with something red and something blue, a kind of fetching, splodgy, sky-blue pink.

milliemae Fri 13-May-11 22:28:02

Auntie Bulgaria - crusty stuff found in an abandonned lunch-box is perfectly covered by the original work's Goosnargh, though I think that specifically referred to fridges. I'd like to suggest from my own area (4 neighbouring villages):

Fingest - dc's nasal probings.

Skirmett - dc's titanic efforts to dislodge the findings of Fingest

Frieth - trophy gained from successful Skirmett

Turville - the evident satisfaction shown by dc after consuming Frieth a milli-second before you arrive with a flannel / hanky / bleachy j-cloth / passing puppy etc.

Milkycheeks Fri 13-May-11 22:30:34

Auntie B "I'm looking for the word that means the remains found in a forgotten lunchbox." - i offer you Ventongimps

ScarlettWalking Fri 13-May-11 22:42:58

Bromley - the last, passive stage of a previously tantruming child after an hour of screaming for denied toy at ELC or the like.

Knockholt - the quick bang of a childs head on the door frame whilst being carried.

ScarlettWalking Fri 13-May-11 22:46:10

St Mary's cray - the surreal sound of a playground of just let- out infants.

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 22:48:09

Scarlett you must be from my old stomping ground grin

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 22:55:01

Yardley Gobion - the fact that even when I'm exhausted and lying in bed I'm STILL pissing about on MN.

milliemae Fri 13-May-11 23:07:47

Also:

Saunton - coolest kid in dc's playgroup.

Braunton - the Saunton's sidekick: thuggish, self-appointed, generally male & normally ignored.

Slapton - the Saunton's other sidekick: sluttish, self-adoring, always female & too shrill to ignore.

Neasden - nice but nerdy child, routinely tortured by Braunton & Slapton by way of impressing Saunton; hence, any futile sacrifice inflicted on others in the name of vanity.

aristocat Fri 13-May-11 23:11:49

so glad this has been moved to Classics ...... superb grin

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper Fri 13-May-11 23:23:53

Wyke Champflower - the dad who yells at his DS from the sidelines during football training on Saturdays.

Trinaluce Fri 13-May-11 23:38:31

Horninghold Early morning cuddle when you know that what's poking you in the thigh is NOT anything in his pocket...

Tugby Early morning confirmation that no, it is NOT in his pocket

Cold Overton The feeling of dread when at the precise moment of Tugby you sense, rather than hear, your DC arrive in the doorway

Peatling Parva The noises uttered by said DC as they interrupt Tugby that you try to ignore

Peatling Magna The definite noises and potential tantrum that put an end to any further suggestion of Tugby and signify the start of Tur Langton

Tur Langton The act of a small child climbing into your bed, pressing their cold feet against your spine and nicking all the duvet

chipmonkey Fri 13-May-11 23:56:28

Duleek The sound you make when you step on a piece of lego.

Oulart A baby who should be asleep but who is awake and ready to play at 3 am

Knocknagoshel The feeling you get when you answer the door in a towel, expecting it to be your child returning from school only to find it is a man trying to get you to change your electricity supplier.

GeekLove Sat 14-May-11 00:23:34

Dorridge The term given to any unexpected soft wet substance on the floor detected when walking around bare foot. This is more often than not organic.

GraceK Sat 14-May-11 00:41:44

Not strictly a place name but Flurbiling - when your sleeves get rucked up inside the sleeves of your coat as you put it on. Very annoying. To prevent this you must grab hold of the cuffs & 'de-flurbile' as you put your arms in.

LovelyJudy Sat 14-May-11 02:11:41

Wantage - the state of urgently needing something from the toy section of Argos catalogue

SpawnChorus Sat 14-May-11 06:55:33

Love oulart!

legspinner Sat 14-May-11 08:29:46

brilliant thread - love it!

Clent - what you do when doing pelvic floor exercises
Lickey End - when you eat an ice cream cone, bite the end of and suck all the ice cream out
Hagley - a little old lady who stops you when you are pushing your DC in a buggy to tell you her life story
Princes Risborough - posh breakfast cereal
Monks Risborough - not quite so posh!
Didcot - that shrapnel of stone / pit that hasn't quite made it out of dried fruit

legspinner Sat 14-May-11 08:32:30

Towcester- a kitchen appliance that has a vital part broken, rendering it unusable, but hasn't quite been thrown away yet, "just in case"
Ditto Kettering

legspinner Sat 14-May-11 09:00:47

and here are some NZ ones

Raglan a scruffy child
Timaru a kitten who is shy and hides under the bed
Oamaru a bolshy, bossy cat
Te Puke - what happens to DCs if they are prone to travel sickness
Hokitika - the sound you make when you clear your throat
Whangamata - collective name for under-the-breath mutterings of teenagers when asked to do something, usually by their parents
Taranaki - a greeting or farewell commonly used by famers

Spacehoppa Sat 14-May-11 10:30:16

Here are a few in use in our house

Frog=Child
Horrorfrog=bad child
Grobbler=Child
SnotGrobbler=Child with cold
Pooter=Computer
Poot=Play on the computer
Bat=My mother
Fruitbat=Oh dear my mother is having one of those days
Wobblebottom=Large lady
Pack=Remote control
Heat the pack=press the remote

Come to think of this there are thousands. Does anyone outside this family understand a word?

jbcbj Sat 14-May-11 11:07:36

love it! grin i am almost as amused by some of the actual placenames as their definitions!

frenchay - over-amorous teenage kiss with a floppy=haired yoof from the local private school.

stoke gifford - next stage on from a frenchay, usually done amidst much giggling in your bedroom while your parents watch tv downstairs. often just abbreviated to gifford.

fishponds (yes, really!) - where floppy-haired yoof ends up when your father catches you giffording....

jbcbj Sat 14-May-11 11:12:25

and one more: yockenthwaite - the unstoppable projectile-vomiting incident done by a young baby in a smart public place (mine did a yockenthwaite last week.....). to be a proper yockenthwaite neither you nor the baby must have any spare clothes.

SpawnChorus Sat 14-May-11 12:17:16

LOL at Yockenthwaite

kitbit Sat 14-May-11 12:59:50

Winchcombe descriptive of the look on MIL's face when she desperately wants to contradict you but realises she hasn't got a leg to stand on

Shurdington how you feel when you've realised MIL was actually right

West Wittering MIL's 'I was right' speech

Grinstead the look on your face while experiencing West Wittering

East Grinstead the look you give your husband that MiL doesn't see

Meeth how you feel when she shuts up

kitbit Sat 14-May-11 13:01:57

Lowestoft the furthest point your lady garden will be allowed to grow before being tamed

duckymum Sat 14-May-11 14:36:38

My favourite from the book - Peoria - the fear of peeling too few potatoes.
This is rampant in my family and results in massive overcompensation.

My contribution - Driffield - The area of clothing affected by an unexpectedly leaky boob.

SpringHeeledJack Sat 14-May-11 14:38:28

grin kitbit

Chippenham (of dcs) process of attrition; repeatedly asking parent for something, preferably in public place

Wilts (of parent) the inevitable giving in to above

SpringHeeledJack Sat 14-May-11 14:59:47

Upper Poppleton nipple peakage from summer dress worn for the first time this year, making you remember- too late-that that's the precise reason you didn't wear it last year

Skipton shoddy reading of bedtime story in haste to go downstairs to drink booze and watch Road Wars

Headly Down inevitable try on by dp after three hours of the above

Surbiton feigning of sleep to avoid above

Canterbury childless and naive adult who enjoys frolicking with friends' dcs at festivals, parties etc and gets taken advantage of

SpringHeeledJack Sat 14-May-11 15:08:19

Chipping Sodbury fast food detritus left on London streets that your dog has got hold of in spite of your best attempts to avoid

kitbit Sat 14-May-11 15:30:15

Bletchley Park village green frequented by students on Friday and Saturday nights

Sutton sudden fear that you may have overseasoned the lamb casserole

Didcot an outgrown Moses basket

PigeonStreet Sat 14-May-11 15:31:48

Lower Peover - puddle of wee left on bathroom floor around base of toilet by dh ds in middle of night.

rockinhippy Sat 14-May-11 15:57:54

Happy Valley = post coital "Lady Garden"

Hedley Hope = please God be nit free after the scrum in at a kiddies party

Nether Exe = The Ex you'd rather never deal with again

Murton = The crud found in the bottom of pockets when sorting out a wash

Copston Magna = the large gangs of over enthusiastic Police officers seen following protests

jugglingwiththreeshoes Sat 14-May-11 18:41:22

It's nice when you know the places isn't it ?
I have fond memories of Didcot and HappyValley
and will think of them in a new light now wink

ttalloo Sat 14-May-11 20:31:07

Trotters Bottom - describes the red raw state of a toddler's bum after they've been running around in a stinky nappy for an hour

Borehamwood - the dullness of having to endure the same repetitive activity much enjoyed by small children

Barnet - hair

High Barnet - big hair

Chipping Barnet - when your hair smells unbearably of deep-fried food, and you just have to wash it.

Milkycheeks Sat 14-May-11 22:08:18

Lostwithiel - used to describe an item which you gone to fetch from a particular room, only to find when you get to said room you have no idea what it was you came to look for.
Can also be used to describe an item which you swear was in particular place thirty seconds ago but which has mysteriously vanished.

Taunton - the repeated crying of a small child in the middle of the night, just at the point when you are just drifting off again.

Sourton Cross - the mood of a mother who has been repeatedly woken by DCs during the night, while DH has spent the night in snoring oblivion.

peeriebear Sat 14-May-11 22:13:06

I haven't seen the book for years, thanks for the reminder! I found Kettering to be incredibly apt (the pattern on your thighs from sitting on a wicker chair) and still use it. Also applies to the fabric pattern imprinted on your cheek after falling asleep on the sofa.

GentleOtter Sun 15-May-11 07:41:52

Culbokie - the brief moment between feeling nauseous and then actually being sick.

Mercedes519 Sun 15-May-11 08:32:52

balls cross the feeling your DH claims after he got his hopes up with a horninghold but you have to get up/go back to sleep

tracyvontrapp Sun 15-May-11 13:07:39

Walberswick - a family picnic memorable for all the wrong reasons, probably ending in a big row (from the infamous Walberswick Incident of '98)

hairtwiddler Sun 15-May-11 14:15:18

We passed through Little Bavington earlier today. The older child who you watch pushing over your child at soft play, then cries and claims your child him him/her first.

nagynolonger Sun 15-May-11 15:12:54

Mablethorpe - An elderly maiden auntie who your 10+ DCs do not want to visit because it's so boring.

Ballymena - when the lady in the National Trust teashop gives you the smallest slice of cake.

Ballybunion - when you reject a Ballymena and ask for the biggest piece instead.

Ballyliffin - Cleaning the loo brush in the dishwasher.

Great Bookham - When your DP makes you go through the bookcase and you decide you can live without your 1983 Guinness Book of Records, so you take it to the charity shop, but can't resist buying three paperbacks.

jugglingwiththreeshoes Wed 18-May-11 08:14:04

Chipping Sodbury, when you think, sod it, it's been a long day, let's get chips grin As in "doing a Chipping Sodbury"

MardyBra Tue 31-May-11 16:19:05

Peebles Any pebbles used in a twee home decorating context. Also applies to glass pebbles in vases.

stubbornstains Thu 02-Jun-11 16:27:42

Nunney Catch: pre-childbirth fanjo

Nether Wallop: same post-childbirth

stubbornstains Thu 02-Jun-11 16:28:52

Ventongimps: Cornish rubberwear enthusiasts. Subject of prurient post-watershed C4 documentaries.

stubbornstains Thu 02-Jun-11 16:29:38

Gweek: the involuntary noise you make as you recall your most embarrassing incident, ever.

stubbornstains Thu 02-Jun-11 16:31:44

Wiveliscombe (pron. Wivliskum): cheerful insubordination from toddlers, as bouncing up and down on sofa giggling whilst ignoring repeated requests to put toys away...

stubbornstains Thu 02-Jun-11 16:32:15

Splatt: Total loss of ice cream cone on hot pavement.

stubbornstains Thu 02-Jun-11 16:32:57

Zoar: Magic space stick, for purposes of bashing.

JetLi Fri 10-Jun-11 16:35:41

Primrose Valley = a freshly washed lady garden

JetLi Fri 10-Jun-11 17:17:17

Gardham = the act of secreting sandwich fillings in a hidden corner of the fridge behind the pickle & the unpleasant fat free salad dressing no-one will eat
High Gardham = a Gardham for noble purposes - eg. saving the good parma for A Special Occasion
Low Gardham = hiding the parma for private snaffling whilst feeding beans on toast to the rest of the family

JetLi Fri 10-Jun-11 17:23:12

Hanging Grimston = the undercarriage of a toddlers nappy after 10 hours sleep plus breakfast

JetLi Fri 10-Jun-11 18:01:25

Nether Haugh = Having one ass cheek hanging out of the bottom of your pants, can occasionally be accompanied by e Knockbrex (see above)

HauntyMython Sun 13-Nov-11 20:41:58

I was just reminded of this (I was WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper) when dad for some reason mentioned Chipping Sodbury. Had to look up the thread and I've been snorting in an unattractive manner laughing since then. Thought I'd bump it for anyone who didn't see it before. smile

GeekLove Sun 15-Jan-12 00:23:21

Towcester - plural noun for a group of tossers

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