Mumsnet Talk

Even if you live on a private track and the only car that ever, ever goes up is your own, still look behind you when you reverse out of the drive because it could be the one day your 75 year old neighbour has got her first mobility scooter and has driven up said track to show you and you could possibly reverse into her. Fortunately I didn't damage her, scooter was a right off though and it dented my bumper.

Do not hold the dartboard for your 12 year old brother to aim at. His aim is not that good and you will have to remove the dart from your arm by your self as your mum is out shopping. And also the one from your thigh.

If you have a blocked drain, and drain cleaner and a plunger haven't helped, do not think that an AquaVac can cope with water and try that.
Firstly it won't work.
Secondly when you hoover the house the entire house will then reek of drains, so you have to buy a new one so your elderly landlady never finds out.
Thirdly, said landlady was overcome by the air freshener fumes required to cover the drains smell, collapsed and we had to get an ambulance for her. Fourthly, the rather pricey Dynorod guys will laugh a lot.

Ordering Baileys from a bar with a cheapskate manager. One bottle had curdled but rather than chuck it he carried on using it, just pouring back shots from people who complained. Likewise, do not let guests at your housewarming drink Baileys from glasses previously containing cider. The residue sets like concrete and you will have to throw your brand-new glasses away.

This thread is absolutely hilarious! Has made my evening.

I have a couple...

... Aged 14, deciding that you'd like a new fringe and getting out the scissors. That tufty bit took a long time to grow back!

... Having been given a second hand car seat, merrily taking off the whole cover to wash without paying any attention to how it goes back together.

... On coming into the front room in the middle of the day and discovering 3 men had opened the front door and were coming into my house, I shouldn't have believed their story and I SHOULD have paid attention to what they looked like, so that after having seen them off in a friendly way, I discovered they had nicked my ipod from my car and were, in fact, ROBBERS I could give a description to the police. Idiot! (As a side note, they were caught that same afternoon, thank goodness!)

So many more, but I can't bear to think about them at the moment.

By the way, blue waffle is, apparently, a hoax. There's no such actual disease. That's what I read anyway. Still didn't need to see it though!

Fair enough, it's the kind of thing that might seem a good idea at that age - but OUCH!!!

About 14 I think...

Geordie - how old were you when you did the nail varnish thing???

Do not believe that your glittery nailvarnish would make a fab long lasting eye shadow.

It will sting like fuck for hours.

Do not drink a whole bottleof advocat neat. You will throw up custard.

Don't accidentally let a cat into your house the night before your wedding. The ensuing melee will result kicking the skirting board (wasn't aiming for the cat, honest) and a broken toe. The toe is slightly wonky now, so is a memento of our wedding.

CHEEKY!

number 5
Do not play fight i meant

I really must read before i press send.

Metal pan i meant in number 3

OMG some of these have had me in stitches.

Do not try to reverse your brand new 3 weeks old car to impress some lads in a pub beer garden - you will reverse into a fence and dent the back end of car

DHs - Do not hold 2 weeks old breastfed baby on knee in between nappy changes it will result in baby pooing down leg, something that relects Chicken Korma <boak>

Do not leave a metal tin awkward on the gas hob leaving the handle exposed and try to pick it up without oven gloves

Do nnot try to be the greatest domestic goddess and clean the knife block, holding one knife blade in your hand and dropping it, catching the knife blade with your hand, it bleeds for eternity.

Do not play with with ex knobhead and lean in and let his elbow bash you in the eye resulting in a black eye 4 days before being a bridesmaid at your mother wedding.

Do not play football inside with the kids, especially when the small winnie the pooh ball lands at side of hoover, you will kick the hoover and break your little toe.

Do not bite down on a hard bit of burnt pizza base, it will result in you oving your wisdom tooth out of place and the need for operation to remove the said tooth especially when extremely scared of the dentist <19th of april can wait >

Do not stand talking to mates at petrol station whilst filling car up and not noticing what you are doing and then realise you have just wasted £30 of petrol onto the floor and notihing in the tank.

Do not leave curling tongs plugged in to the extention then turn on the CD player and turn it off on the system rather than at the wall. My mother didnt see the funny side when it burnt a massive hole straight through to the underlay on a week old bedroom carpet - She will come home from the pub drunk, start shouting at you whilst been 5 months pregnant, then Stepdad starts shouting and DF (now DH0 start fighting over it and it will result in you moving out of your mothers house permanently

There are soooooooo many.

LostInTheBlackHole indeed, time to quit while I'm ahead.

Don't just pop on mn for a quick check of thread's i'm on when you need to be in bed early. You will end up going to bed at 1am and still have to get up at 4am.

MN will wait. The sleep deprivation will cause you to walk into the door to try to open it

Ooh, another one, don't leave a large church candle on the night storage heater and go to bed. You will wake up to a living room full of smoke, a horrible stench, you will be very frightened when you find it, and your land lord will be VERY upset!

Put out a scented candle with water and then mistake the candle for water glass in the middle of the night. Taste stayed with me for a long time.

Drop a silent but deadly fart in the food hall of a rather posh department store, causing the person behind to collapse in a epileptic fit.

Then, 15 years on, be on MN and realise somewhat belatedly that you named your son after the store in question.

I suspect Freud would have an opinion on the matter

I'm assuming you mean the chair. The steam burn was more embarrassing than truly painful. I was 11 at the time and refused to let my mother prick it with a pin to release all the trapped blood as the idea scared me too much.

OMG Tonythetyger I've done that, promptly fainted with the pain, and woke to find four mesmerised DC gazing at me with astonishment.

When a sock disppears around the outside of the drum of a top loading washing machine. Do not attempt to resuce it by sticking your hand into the gap. Your hand will get stuck and it will hurt when you managed to release it. The sock will still be lost until to clean the fliter at the bottom.

Never rewind One Born Every Minute! It's really disturbing! and more that slightly gross

Never inflate the tyre on a child's bike with the thing you get in garages for inflating car tyres; especially when you live over a mile from the garage. Yes the tyre inflated quickly, right up until it exploded.

This one is BIL's
Don't use Flash bathroom wipes when you run out of toilet roll.

Don't toast a pita under the grill and then bite into it as the steam comes out and leaves a burn above your lip. In particular don't do this just before going to a wedding.

Don't read a big book, move your chair over your big toe and sit on it with all your weight.