Pirate noises during sex????????????????????

(257 Posts)
regularmumsnetter Mon 17-Oct-05 21:51:21

Am too embarrassed to reveal my true identity but i am a bit freaked out by my dp. Recently he has begun to put on a strange voice during sex, eg 'Arr matey' in the style of that weird sea captain from the Simpsons?!

The other one is 'Arr, the ship's a-dockin' and 'My lighthouse is tingling'

There are various others along the same lines but i won't go into them all now.

He is not a sailor btw, and has (AFAIK) no connection to seafaring folk;)

Just wondering if i can say how uncomfortable this is making me feel (it's just f*ing weird IMO, but it seems to be turning him on!).

LadyTophamHatt Mon 17-Oct-05 21:53:26

err, seriously???

Aimsmum Mon 17-Oct-05 21:54:17

Message withdrawn

regularmumsnetter Mon 17-Oct-05 21:54:34

Yes! How weird is it!?

JanH Mon 17-Oct-05 21:55:39

Oh lol! Sorry but that is really funny - doesn't he realise? Maybe you should start giggling when he says it?

fuzzywuzzy Mon 17-Oct-05 21:56:00

I'd collapse into hysterics therefore killing the mood, and any further attempts at pirate talk....

spidermama Mon 17-Oct-05 21:56:05

I've asked my dh about this and he says your dp is probably doing this because he reckons pirates are dashing and sexy. It's also a bit of fun, says my dh.

Awwww, bless! You have to tell him to cut the pirate bit. It must be wrecking your experience.

I just asked DH how best you could tell him without humiliating him and he said, 'There's no way around that'.
Then he said, 'Offer him a fantastic blow job on the condition he never does pirate noises again.'

regularmumsnetter Mon 17-Oct-05 21:56:20

I think honestly if i collapsed into giggles he would be really hurt.

Bugsy2 Mon 17-Oct-05 21:58:31

Anorak - is this you?

LadyTophamHatt Mon 17-Oct-05 21:59:22

Very weird.
If it was my Dh I would laugh and laugh, and tell him to shut his stupid mouth!

spidermama Mon 17-Oct-05 21:59:28

Tell him you'll give him the best blow job of his life, if he promises to cut out the pirate noises for good.

regularmumsnetter Mon 17-Oct-05 22:01:06

I am not anorak, but i am a reg. Why, does she have a dashing pirate hubby?;)

It is just so bizarre it totally puts me off, but the Bj idea might be good. humiliating it will be i imagine! Maybe i went on about Captain Jack Sparrow a bit too much when we were watching Pirates of the Carribean....

HappyMumof2 Mon 17-Oct-05 22:01:56

Message withdrawn

Caligula Mon 17-Oct-05 22:02:33

Oh God what a classic thread title.

You could try making pirate noises back, or shouting pieces of eight, pieces of eight!

Sorry, possibly not very helpful advice there!

SleepySuzy Mon 17-Oct-05 22:03:46

If he looks like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Carribean, he can be forgiven

regularmumsnetter Mon 17-Oct-05 22:03:47

erm...no, sex is normally quite good, and NORMAL!
I think he might be trying too hard to spice things up

GeraldGiraffe Mon 17-Oct-05 22:05:39

How about replying 'Ah, you've found me treasure chest' enthusiastically? ;)

rummum Mon 17-Oct-05 22:05:55

why don't you get a stuffed parrot and put on your headboard.. that should put him off...

Bugsy2 Mon 17-Oct-05 22:06:43

I don't know if Anorak's H is a dashing pirate but she did reveal some of his corking one liners a few days ago during the groping in the kitchen thread.
I am howling with laughter and I know I would do the same if anyone said those things to me during sex. How on earth do you maintain your poise RMNer?

soapbox Mon 17-Oct-05 22:06:51

God I think I would wet myself laughing - not at all the desired effect I think

Has he been watching any pirate films recently

regularmumsnetter Mon 17-Oct-05 22:08:08

Sadly he doesn't look like Mr Depp, however he is very sexy, he doesn't need to make pirate noises to turn me on...

blueteddy Mon 17-Oct-05 22:08:40

Message withdrawn

soapbox Mon 17-Oct-05 22:13:24

I think the next time when he starts you should just say loudly 'can we cut the long john silver crap - you haven't got a wooden leg and last time I looked there wasn't a parrot on your shoulder'!

That should shut him up!

Or think of something that would turn you on and ask him to substitute

hunkerpumpkin Mon 17-Oct-05 22:14:46

Can you talk to him about it away from actually mid-coitus?

Just ask him why he's started being a pirate in bed.

lockets Mon 17-Oct-05 22:17:27

Make him walk the plank ......

teeavee Mon 17-Oct-05 22:18:55

buy him a parrot for christmas!
yo-ho-ho and abottle o' rum!

blueteddy Mon 17-Oct-05 22:20:03

Message withdrawn

marthamoo Mon 17-Oct-05 22:21:27

Oh bless his cotton socks - at least he's trying. Absolutely no suggestions (I too would die laughing if dh did anything like this) but full marks to him for not being afraid to try something new. We do complain sometimes that married sex becomes predictable...

charliebat Mon 17-Oct-05 22:23:27

OMG I really hope you are joking. This has made me LOL though

Angeliz Mon 17-Oct-05 22:25:03

i nearly choked on my wine there, sorry but that is SO funny!

soapbox Mon 17-Oct-05 22:27:29

Do you have any Ds's? If so line up a few of their play pirates round the bed and say 'I've been enjoying your pirate act so much I thought it was time for a gang bang'

If you want to stop it I would watch a pirate film together and make sure during the film that you say 2 or 3 times that pirates are not really your cup of tea!

Moo's right it is quite sweet in a way so let him down gently

motherinferior Mon 17-Oct-05 22:33:01

Damn, I just wiped a whole post about how I agree with Moo - and you do have to tell him - but that you will please tell us if he moves on to new exciting roles like Arctic Explorers ('feel that furry muff') or Jungle Adventures ('penetrate that rainforest') won't you? Please?

puff Mon 17-Oct-05 22:35:57

nothing to add to the already fab advice, but this is why I love mumsnet!

Passionkiller Mon 17-Oct-05 22:36:46

Wet myself laughing at this, so sorry no advice though.

laligo Mon 17-Oct-05 22:41:08

on a different tack rmner... perhaps you could shed your nautical inhibitions and try getting into it? i'm sure you could find some pirate porn on the web!

frannykenstein Mon 17-Oct-05 22:42:55

Sweet jesus....weak with laughter, sorry...

Ahem. [pulls self together] The only semi-helpful advice I can give is, let's face it, it could be a lot worse. At least this is harmless, sort of sweet in its inept attempt at raunchiness, and quite amusing. He could be asking you to stuff gerbils where the sun don't shine, or something.

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 22:43:38

Say 'ah harrr I do enjoy seamen!'.

spidermama Mon 17-Oct-05 22:44:46

Great advice rmner. Go on, embrace the pirate within.

buffytheharpsichordcarrier Mon 17-Oct-05 22:45:24

Blu - seaman! nice work arfarf

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 22:45:37

Oh no, I am collapsing with laughter even more at MI's post - and it's not funny! I've had open jaw surgery today (tooth removal) and my jaw is killing me!

laligo Mon 17-Oct-05 22:49:38

so to speak, spidermama.

QueenVictoria Mon 17-Oct-05 22:49:38

PMSL - sorry rmner!

Gobbledispook Mon 17-Oct-05 22:51:13

OMG, ROFLMAO - you lot are hilarious!

Is this Rhubarb having another larf?!

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 22:51:55

Didn't FairyFly's ex write a romantic poem about lighthouses docking?

spidermama Mon 17-Oct-05 22:52:19

Who cares who it is I'll be tittering myself to sleep thanks to this.

Gobbledispook Mon 17-Oct-05 22:52:56

Oi Spidey - has your dh been on waking the dead yet?!

soapbox Mon 17-Oct-05 22:53:32

Just showed DH this thread as I was laughing so much - hope he doesn't get any ideas


spidermama Mon 17-Oct-05 22:53:46

Not yet. Maybe next week. I can't remember what his ep' is called but he plays the title role. (ie 'The Dead' )

motherinferior Mon 17-Oct-05 22:54:10

Sudden chilling thought - he's not, you know, wearing a hat as well, is he?

Dior Mon 17-Oct-05 22:54:16

Message withdrawn

hoxtonchick Mon 17-Oct-05 22:54:37

this wins best thread tonight!

soapbox Mon 17-Oct-05 22:54:40

MI - PMSL (again)!

motherinferior Mon 17-Oct-05 22:54:46

Blu, this is clearly a post from the future, it's your DS's wife-to-be.

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 22:55:38

Will you be hpisting his mainsail tonight, RMN-er?

soapbox Mon 17-Oct-05 22:55:42

MI - Blu {shock]

marthamoo Mon 17-Oct-05 22:56:01

Can I just say thank you for this thread? It's cheered me up no end - though I'm sorry, regMNer that no-one has realy solved your dilemma.

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 22:56:18


motherinferior Mon 17-Oct-05 22:56:43

Blu's son is a gorgeous little pirate.

And now I've got Sloop John B running through my head.

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 22:57:07

That's what I get for logging on to Mystic Familiar!

motherinferior Mon 17-Oct-05 22:58:17

It's clearly the worst trip you've ever been on.

Have just emailed you, btw, hope it gets through.

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 22:58:23

This thread HAS to go on the home page!

marthamoo Mon 17-Oct-05 22:58:27
soapbox Mon 17-Oct-05 22:59:14

Well my DS likes pirates too - but I'm not sure about him having s e x with anyone

Not my little angel surely!!!!!!

teeavee Mon 17-Oct-05 22:59:43

dare I mention captain pugwash and his faithful first mate, seaman staines..?

marthamoo Mon 17-Oct-05 23:00:32

And Master Bates...

spidermama Mon 17-Oct-05 23:01:04

Nopw that's an urban myth. There were no such characters on Captain Pugwash.

Frieda Mon 17-Oct-05 23:01:13

I think you should try and enter into the spirit a bit more, regmumsnetter. Try decorating the bedchamber with some jaunty home-made Jolly Roger flags [fnar, fnar], rustle up something tempting from Cap'n Birdsye and get in a couple of Cap'n Pugwash videos.

Then come back and tell us how you got on

motherinferior Mon 17-Oct-05 23:01:16

...and Roger the cabin boy?

You can of course tell your lovely husband he's brought a smile to the lips of countless women tonight

teeavee Mon 17-Oct-05 23:02:50

you could even get a water bed!

Frieda Mon 17-Oct-05 23:03:30

You can definitely get Yo Ho Ahoy on video.

marthamoo Mon 17-Oct-05 23:03:56

I know it's an urban myth...but it's a good 'un

marthamoo Mon 17-Oct-05 23:04:47

Poor regMNer - she posts with a genuine problem and we are all falling about and taking the piss. I'm sorry, I'll stop now.

spookylips Mon 17-Oct-05 23:05:41

have you ever thought of playing along with him.?? and ask him what turn you on too? - go on it be a laugh and go down to ann summers shop to get the "gear"

**you should be lucky youre getting some as were are too tired **

jacobsmummy Mon 17-Oct-05 23:07:24

tell him that he reminds you of Captain Birds Eye, when he does those impressions, might be enough to put him off.

Fish Finger anyone?

Blu Mon 17-Oct-05 23:07:43

REgularMumsnetter: "There are various others along the same lines but i won't go into them all now."
Perhaps we could help you better if we did know the full story?
I'm sure we could....

marthamoo Mon 17-Oct-05 23:09:06

You are very bad, Blu.

regularmumsnetter Tue 18-Oct-05 11:45:21

Look at all these responses-

Thanks for all the advice, and i don't mond you laughing a bit- oi mean, it is quite funny from the outside! I had to stop myself pmsl at the time after all!

Well...he did it again last night (he used the immortal line 'Arr, I'm going to disperse my seamen')

Ijust COULDN'T help laughing at that one and he looked quite hurt but carried on in silence. So maybe it will stop;)
Otherwise i will have to say somethng and i am not looking forward to that!

HappyMumof2 Tue 18-Oct-05 11:49:24

Message withdrawn

Springchicken Tue 18-Oct-05 11:50:26

How did i miss this! What a cracker
Pmsl at my desk at work.

Mum2girls Tue 18-Oct-05 11:50:44

Sorry Regular, but this is just hilarious.

I think I might be temtped to countermand with some comments in the style of cowboys or something, along the lines of 'Ride 'em cowboy' or something.....

I love mumsnet.

Marina Tue 18-Oct-05 11:53:28

Well my dh has been known to say Avast Behind - I really must lose some weight .
RMN, thank you so much - to everyone. I have just breached my own Quiet Working zone policy and had to issue myself with a Disciplinary Warning thanks to this thread.

Gizmo Tue 18-Oct-05 11:59:11

Can we please put a warning at the top of threads like this?

I am reading this in the office and crying with the effort of remaining inconspicuous and not collapsing in hysterics under the desk.

...'I'm going to dispense my seamen...' please, stop!!!!

SoupDragon Tue 18-Oct-05 11:59:21


IvortheEngine Tue 18-Oct-05 11:59:27

I'm laughing so hard, I'm almost crying! This is a classic MN thread. I love it! You lot are so funny.

laligo Tue 18-Oct-05 12:03:44

Oh RMN, how could he possibly not expect you to laugh at that!!!???

Maybe you could dim the lights and put frigging in the rigging on it the background....

gingerbear Tue 18-Oct-05 12:06:50

Or the theme tune to Captain pugwash

Lio Tue 18-Oct-05 12:08:47

Oh, I am having such a fab morning what with the 'bra incident' thread and now this. Sighs happily.

LadySherlockofLGJ Tue 18-Oct-05 12:09:24
LadySherlockofLGJ Tue 18-Oct-05 12:11:31

Tell him if he doesn't stop it he will be sleeping in ..............

This on his own

teeavee Tue 18-Oct-05 12:12:24

v v funny sherlock !!!

yoyo Tue 18-Oct-05 12:13:18

I can't stop giggling at all this. What a great thread!

LilacBump Tue 18-Oct-05 12:14:49

LOL at this thread

there's some great pirate pick-up lines here .

Bugsy2 Tue 18-Oct-05 12:15:04

Am weak with laughter! I just hope he doesn't suggest a bit of S&M with the cat'o'nine tails!!!

teeavee Tue 18-Oct-05 12:18:56

I quote from website posted below:
"How'd you like to scxrape the barnacles off me rudder" ???????!!!

Springchicken Tue 18-Oct-05 12:19:33

[throwing up emoticon]

LadySherlockofLGJ Tue 18-Oct-05 12:20:19

That is a pretty serious STD

LilacBump Tue 18-Oct-05 12:21:01

lol LGJ!

Mum2girls Tue 18-Oct-05 12:21:08

"Store yer victuals in me bunghole"


anorak Tue 18-Oct-05 12:25:47

Hello Bugsy! I was already PMSL before I read your first post!

My dh would surely do this if he'd thought of it

I'll send him a link and he'll be doing it next time I bet. But he's used to me laughing at him in bed.

regularmumsnetter - I just tell my dh when he is employing a tactic that just doesn't turn me on. But then I am a tactless cow

He needs to check out ff's ex's poem about the lighthouse going into the harbour (like they do that anyway???)

regularmumsnetter Tue 18-Oct-05 12:31:17

Am hoping that me laughing last night might have put him off! Maybe i should show him this thread.....

or maybe not!

anorak Tue 18-Oct-05 12:32:08

No don't. He sounds a sensitive soul.

merryberry Tue 18-Oct-05 12:32:11

I think he sounds such a jolly roger.

Enid Tue 18-Oct-05 12:33:53


dh and I went to a pirate party once dressed up as pirates and i have to say it definitely worked some kind of magic on him

FangAche Tue 18-Oct-05 12:34:23

PMSL! Sorry I cannot think why a man would just suddenly start doing that thinking it was erotic!!

Some of those lines are classic!

Thanks for cheering me up!!!!!!!

regularmumsnetter Tue 18-Oct-05 12:43:32

Shall i send him your way then Enid?

CountessCatbertula Tue 18-Oct-05 12:49:40

Don't think anyone has said frigging in the rigging yet...

FangAche Tue 18-Oct-05 12:53:57

ROFL - CD!!!

winnie Tue 18-Oct-05 12:55:11

hilarious thread

MorticiaMerlot Tue 18-Oct-05 12:59:35

regularmumsnetter - not laughing at your expense, but this is the funniest thread I've read in a long time

bran Tue 18-Oct-05 13:15:25

You know, if he can speak at all then his mouth is in the wrong place.

codface Tue 18-Oct-05 13:16:21

lol how have i missedt his!

Beetroot Tue 18-Oct-05 13:20:02

cant beleive imissed this last night..have you had a chat with him regmnetter?

merryberry Tue 18-Oct-05 13:51:03

I know I thought well blow me down when i first saw it. He must really like her treasure chest!

merryberry Tue 18-Oct-05 13:53:14

If it's too much though, maybe distract him with a hobby

marthamoo Tue 18-Oct-05 14:11:22

OK, who will admit to telling their dh/dp about this thread and then finding themselves indulging in much playful banter about shivering me timbers and I'll keelhaul (sp?) you, you saucy wench etc., etc., etc - no s.e.x. you understand (I really wouldn't be able to keep a straight face), just the piratical banter. You may well have started a new trend. I've kept having a little giggle about this thread since last night.

merryberry Tue 18-Oct-05 14:18:09

Let's all just join in!

bran Tue 18-Oct-05 15:08:35

Thanks to this thread I'm finding it more difficult than usual to watch Big Cook Little Cook. They're cooking for Percy the Pirate today and everyone's talking like a pirate. It's very disturbing.

Mummyvicky Tue 18-Oct-05 15:15:21

mmmm Pirates gold..looks tasty !!
I was pmsl so much at this thread poor ds2 couldn't breastfeed- my boob kept jiggling out of his mouth !

HellsTreef Tue 18-Oct-05 15:20:41

'G' marks the spot, obviously. PMSL!

HausOfHorrors Tue 18-Oct-05 15:42:44

this thread's raised a . Thanks!

gingerbear Tue 18-Oct-05 16:02:59

Captain PuffyPants (for those who know Hi5)
'My name is Captain Puffypants, I love to do a sailor's dance. I'd like to sing and dance all day, except me pants get in the way'

Frizbe Tue 18-Oct-05 16:26:58

Hmmm and I was thinking more Captain Feathersword!
Do you think he wants to do Roleplay as a hobby?

Blu Tue 18-Oct-05 16:34:46

RMN - I think you need to be very careful about which films you are enthusiastic about. It could get a lot worse. He could be imersonating an oompah-loompah, or Stuart Little, or Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins...

HOW do you even have sex with all this going on? I would be beside myself!

Jayzmummy Wed 19-Oct-05 08:49:36

I mentioned this thread to DH, whilst in bed last night, and he had a masssive fit of the giggles. He finally came to and said
"whatever floats your boat",
which then had me LMAO.

This is by far the funniest thread I have ever seen on MN.
Poor RMN, how do you keep a straight face????

Marina Wed 19-Oct-05 09:44:09

I'm so zonked lately that dh could well be thinking he has ended up on the set of The Corpse Bride Blu
OK, come on then, how many other dps on being told of this thread, started leering and cracking sad piratical jokes?

Kelly1978 Wed 19-Oct-05 09:50:41

Don't tell ur DP! Not a good idea at all, believe me.

gravity Wed 19-Oct-05 10:11:03

how funny!!!!!!!!!!! i think you'd look real cuuuute in a pirate hat - indulge him......... you never know the rewards!!!!!!!!!!!! must ask dh to start running around making firetruck noises!!!!!!!!!!

gravity Wed 19-Oct-05 10:12:28

or batman .............

flamebat Wed 19-Oct-05 10:15:48

I told my DH, and was saying that I was amazed that RMN kept a straight face, and added "I'm assuming that you'd find it hard not to laugh if I said something like that"

He just looked at me with a perfectly straight face, and told me that it might not be so bad....

Followed by cracking up with laughter when he saw the look of horror on my face!!!

Blu Wed 19-Oct-05 11:22:44

This is the first thread on MN that I have ever made DP actually read. I quizzed him on what might make someone start experimenting with pirate noises, and he couldn't begin to imagine but then wondered if he is having fantasies about you being a pirate wench woman, and started extemporising using words such as 'swiving', which I thought was getting a bit close to his secret prediliction for poets such as Rochester, so I changed the subject!

Marina Wed 19-Oct-05 11:51:33

Dh needs little encouragement to dust off his volumes of that smutmeister John Donne blu so I know exactly what you mean

fairyfly Wed 19-Oct-05 11:55:56

soooooooo funny


SoupDragon Wed 19-Oct-05 14:33:04

Prepare yourself to be boarded! Aharr..

dejags Wed 19-Oct-05 14:43:47

he used the immortal line 'Arr, I'm going to disperse my seamen'

I haven't laughed so hard in the longest time.

Sorry RMNer not constructive but this is so funny.

LilacBump Wed 19-Oct-05 14:47:21

thank you! now every time DP comes near me he jokes and does pirate talk and we have a laughing fit!

Blu Wed 19-Oct-05 14:48:07

Was that a completely gratuitous bump, there, NQC?

I'm so pleased, this thread has been cheering me up for two days now!

Iklboo Wed 19-Oct-05 15:09:15

Told DH about this yesterday. He said were we sure the chap was trying to be Cap'n Jack Sparrow and not Pirate Steve out of Dodgeball?
Must admiy, we had an attack of the giggles in bed last night thinking about it (not laughing at RMNs expense, it just got us thinking!)

Beetroot Wed 19-Oct-05 15:12:22

dh just laughing...awaiting the next installment

HuggyBear Wed 19-Oct-05 15:17:28

My dh started going 'nee nor nee nor' like a fire engine once!! i nearly literally pmsl!!

suedonim Wed 19-Oct-05 15:17:30

I'm going to send this thread to dh as he's ex-Royal Navy. He's currently marooned on an oil rig off Nigeria and I think this thread'll cheer him up, snigger!

MrsDoolittle Wed 19-Oct-05 15:18:05

Girls you've gotta explain what has just happened to me.
I was on msn to dh, we are looking at buying a fridge freezer. Anyway I was copying and pasting the address of the fridge freezer I was hoping to buy.
I copied, pasted and pressed send.
HOWEVER, up on the talk page in front of me my post read
"Store ya victuals in me bunghole!"

And that is no word of a lie.
Unsurprisingly, dh is apparently uncontactable because he is offline

MrsDoolittle Wed 19-Oct-05 15:21:14

I am not making this up.

I promise you

shhhh Wed 19-Oct-05 15:43:37

this thread is to funny!

gravity Wed 19-Oct-05 15:58:29

but dont ya all know that there will be dh's breathing a sigh of relief that they didnt try that funny new noise whilst in the bedroom this week........and that their not the one being made fun of!!!!!!!!!!!

lilibet Wed 19-Oct-05 16:38:58

We are now talking Pirate talk too!! Many a 'shiver me timbers' said at night!! But not whilst having sex!!

And have started groping in the kitchen, but that's another thread

This thread is definitley up there with the elastic, the tights on the head and the tablecloth!

Blu Wed 19-Oct-05 16:52:58

Here's the obvious next MN meet-up. It arrived in my e mail inbox. Shall we go?
Dear Sir or madam,
This is just a quick note to inform you that the
Jolly Roger boat cruises are re-starting from Thursday 20th October.

We apologise for the delay, this was due to the boat having its
annual maintenance.

The evening cruise on each Thursday, will still have our special offer
that Ladies go FREE with each paying customer. We will be running evening
on other days as well, however, the special offer is not available on
these days.

We hope you will promote our cruises to your customers, and please
remember that if your staff would like to go on our Thursday cruise,
they may telephone us on: Max 050944778 (English) Jason 078033329 (English)
or Yo 038 425884 (Thai). Your staff are invited FREE of charge!

Max Diamond
Webworld Enterprises C0., Ltd

For the 'Jolly Roger' Boat Cruises

MrsDoolittle Wed 19-Oct-05 17:03:19

Uh - oh Dh has just phoned me before leaving work to tell me I embarrassed him earlier. He had senior colleagues in his office when my post came up on his monitor screen. Said he didn't know where to put himself.
I'm mortified because it really was not intended
I can't work out how it happened

noddyholder Wed 19-Oct-05 17:05:25

How did I miss this?!?!?!

Blu Wed 19-Oct-05 17:05:38

Keel-hauling for you then, Mrs Doolittle!
You must have copied the wrong link, somehow!
Anyway, how suitable would it have been to open a picture of a frideg-freezer in the office - not 100% work related, is it!

MrsDoolittle Wed 19-Oct-05 17:10:00

Not atall appropriate but I'd rather that than
"Store yer victuals in me bunghole!"

His office know we went to look at a house at luchtime, so fridge freezer wouldn't be shocking.

Blu Wed 19-Oct-05 17:12:14

Yes, I agree that it is more socially acceptable in the workplace to be seen to store your vittles in a fridge-freezer!

sunchowder Wed 19-Oct-05 17:13:51

Fabulous Thread!

lilibet Wed 19-Oct-05 17:15:57

Poor Mrs Doolittle

suedonim Wed 19-Oct-05 17:19:09

Sorry, but... splutter at your dh, MrsD.

MrsDoolittle Wed 19-Oct-05 17:21:23

I can't work out how it happened though.


This is what I was supposed to paste.
How did it happen?

madmummyof2 Wed 19-Oct-05 18:40:39

i have only read half way as i am crying with laughter so hard my eyes are sore from rubbing them.

ooooarrr me harties

SoupDragon Wed 19-Oct-05 18:47:49

pmsl at Mrs Doolittle. Oh, this just gets better and better...

Blandmum Wed 19-Oct-05 18:48:39

"Store ya victuals in me bunghole!"

I am crying with laughter at this. Fabulous!

You can't make stuff up like this!


SoupDragon Wed 19-Oct-05 18:48:51

MsD, did you at some point copy the victuals phrase? I assum you did and you didn't, in fact, manage to copy the freezer URL (mis hit the keys, whatever) so ti didn't get copied over the otp IYSWIM.

SoupDragon Wed 19-Oct-05 18:49:25

DS2 (4) has just asked what I'm laughing at saying "Let me see! Let me see!". Thank the lord he can't read yet...

bonym Wed 19-Oct-05 19:00:51

Fantastic - can't believe I've only just found this thread . Poor old RMN still hasn't resolved her problem though!

madmummyof2 Wed 19-Oct-05 19:18:14

cant you just tell him that if he speaks like taht again you'll make him walk the plank??

HappyMumof2 Wed 19-Oct-05 19:19:54

Message withdrawn

Blandmum Wed 19-Oct-05 19:20:31

Ah 'Frigging in the Rigging'!

hoxtonchick Wed 19-Oct-05 19:20:55

this so needs to be on the homepage!

Blandmum Wed 19-Oct-05 19:23:49

lie back and think of the Spanish Main???

Or better still, think of these??
depp and bloom

MrsDoolittle Wed 19-Oct-05 19:23:55

I'm sure Soupdragon, I must have tried copying it from earlier on in the page and couldn't paste it, so gave up.
That or the broadband connection was lost, which it frequently does, and it was stored by the computer.
Something like that, but God how embarrassing Particularly as dh had no idea why I did it??

Blandmum Wed 19-Oct-05 19:25:11

Mrs Doolittle, still PMSL. This is one of the funniest things ever posted on mn!

Does he have nice vittles btw????

HappyMumof2 Wed 19-Oct-05 19:26:17

Message withdrawn

frannykenstein Wed 19-Oct-05 19:39:47

HOME....PAGE! HOME....PAGE! [accompanied by slow hand clap]

C'mon, Justine et al, this is MN history in the making...

fullmoonfiend Wed 19-Oct-05 19:44:23

I'm sorry if this has been said before (no time to read whole thread now) but is he into salty seamen?
Personally I love pirates but....

Mum2girls Wed 19-Oct-05 19:44:49

Mrs Doolittle sorry but am pmsl....I wrote that in a much earlier post - got 'victuals' and 'bunghole' off the pirate link someone posted.

Once again sorry but that is almost funnier than the original post!!

fullmoonfiend Wed 19-Oct-05 19:46:47

Question: Why is a pirate called a pirate?
I love pirates, me

RottenRhubarbWitch Wed 19-Oct-05 19:48:33

My dh just asks me to "shiver me timbers" and "weigh me anchor you hearty!", turns me right on!

But then he is Capn Birds Eye himself!

suedonim Wed 19-Oct-05 22:04:39

'Arrr, Cap'n, where are your buccaneers?'

'On the side of my buckin' 'ead!!!'

flamebat Wed 19-Oct-05 22:31:31


Lmccrean Wed 19-Oct-05 22:51:25

My ex did!! I thought he was the only one... it started after we went to a fancy dress as pirates and that night... well...and then for weeks after he kept doing it.. til I introduced him to something different (gently)

bloss Thu 20-Oct-05 04:33:53

Message withdrawn

Pip Thu 20-Oct-05 07:57:24

OMG Bloss, tell us more!

HausOfHorrors Thu 20-Oct-05 08:14:50

I remember the horse one!

HausOfHorrors Thu 20-Oct-05 08:16:06
SoupDragon Thu 20-Oct-05 08:26:45

<<whispers>> it's apparently not quite "appropriate" for the homepage Shame since it's MN at its best. Sigh.

RottenRhubarbWitch Thu 20-Oct-05 08:43:35

God yeah, do I remember the horse one!

SoupDragon Thu 20-Oct-05 13:18:49

I will not let this drop off active conversations. At least not just yet

flamebat Thu 20-Oct-05 13:20:10

"I know that you are a supportive, non-judgemental bunch" from the horse one....

She not been on here lately

CaptainPugwash Thu 20-Oct-05 13:26:58

Did someone call for me, me hearties?

Blu Thu 20-Oct-05 13:28:20

I will never be able to watch a show with a pantomime horse in it again!

And Marina, how, please, did you know about 'the Other Pony Club'?

Marina Thu 20-Oct-05 13:32:07

There was a compelling article about it in a magazine - not a top shelf one, and not remotely explicit. Just had a few members (fnarr) standing around in perfectly ordinary riding gear - it was what you just inferred they were off to do later that made you read slack-jawed!

LIZS Thu 20-Oct-05 13:39:07

pmsl - Raise the Jolly Roger !

soapbox Thu 20-Oct-05 21:39:21

I did the Pirates of the Carribean ride at Eurodisney today and guess what thred I couldn't get out of my head as we were going round!!!!!

LIZS Thu 20-Oct-05 21:58:13

Yo, ho ho ho.... at least it wasn't It's a Small World !

pixel Thu 20-Oct-05 22:19:59

I only caught up with this thread this afternoon just before I went to pick dd up from school. I was sitting at a level crossing giggling to myself like a madwoman!

Parsleypants Thu 20-Oct-05 22:30:15

Very funny thread! Speaking of Cap'n Birdseye and all - has anyone seen his French counterpart? Saw him on a packet of les poisson fingres whilst on hols - and he is LUSH!

hatstand Thu 20-Oct-05 22:32:05

thank you mn. thank you regular mner. have only just seen this and it's taken me 10 minutes to stop laughing

catj Sat 22-Oct-05 13:22:44

I got some strange looks in woolies today when I started laughing at the "Pop up Pirate"

teeavee Sat 22-Oct-05 13:24:02

lol parsleypants (at both your name and your message)
I will look out for l'es poisson fingres' in question next time I'm at the hypermarche!

pixel Sat 22-Oct-05 14:57:05

Hey Regular mumsnetter, Can't you just tell him you were "looking for something a little less piraty"?

madmarchscare Sat 22-Oct-05 15:07:53

Thought of this thread when I was watching Boo! the other day. You guessed it it, it was Pirate Boo! on the Pirate ship.

The kids had to copy the pirate moves and sounds - was PMSL.

MrsDoolittle Sat 22-Oct-05 20:02:26

I had to do some serious grovelling to be forgiven. Basically, I pleaded ignorance and claimed that I was so daft on the computer, I really had no idea what I was doing.
So I'm on my best behaviour at the moment

NightHowl Sun 23-Oct-05 04:53:52

ROFLMAO!!! just had to bump this thread. fantastic!!

anorak Sun 23-Oct-05 11:48:30

Someone should point Lucas and Walliams in the direction of this thread. I bet they'd turn it into comedy gold.

Sorry RM but this is what I keep thinking.

By the way how are things now? Any better?

spooklymieow Sun 23-Oct-05 12:33:19


regularmumsnetter Sun 23-Oct-05 21:35:03

Think after my laughing the other night this phase has passed now;)

No pirate noises since- so won't need to have that 'talk' with him, lol.

LMCrean- funnily enough, he is a Dodgeball fan, but not sure why he thinks Pirate Steve would turn me on (although his pirate impressions are closer to him than Cap'n Jack!)

hatstand Mon 24-Oct-05 00:46:58

dear regular dear everyone, thought you might like to know that this thread nearly ruined my night last night (and dh's). It popped into my head right at the wrong moment and I had to virtually bite dh's shoulder to stop myself from laughing. just about managed to contain myself, but when the deed was, as it were, done, I fell apart with laughing. Poor dh didn't know what was going on, but on finding out obliged with some hearty ha-has and shiver me timbers. he's always been quite fond of pirates I just hope he isn't getting any ideas.

DoesntChristmasDragOn Fri 16-Dec-05 18:30:16

Worth bumping in light of the "pirate name" thread, I think

SantaClausFrau Fri 16-Dec-05 18:41:06


Blandmum Fri 16-Dec-05 18:42:18

arrrrrrrggghhhhh A vast behind!

hercules Fri 16-Dec-05 18:42:53

Only read the first post. Lol!

BluStocking Fri 16-Dec-05 18:43:45

Worth bumping in the light of anything at all, really.

puff Fri 16-Dec-05 18:43:51

This was soooooooooo good

SantaClausFrau Fri 16-Dec-05 18:46:41


TheFish Fri 16-Dec-05 18:47:54

i htinkt he original post was good
the rest was just peopelsaying it was funny.

i knwo who it was too.

Blandmum Fri 16-Dec-05 18:48:19

I'm in no position to talk

Have to diet in the new year

Splice the main brace, Ahar

BluStocking Fri 16-Dec-05 19:01:15

No Fish - there was MrDoolittle and the case of their fridge-freezer turning into pirate porn on his office pc...

puff Fri 16-Dec-05 19:03:12

nah, loved all of it!

So this was mate of yours then cod?

WethreelittlebabiesOfOrientAre Mon 02-Jan-06 00:26:14

Fairly new to mumsnet, heard SO much about this thread then happened upon it by chance. DH and I nearly wet ourselves at some of the posts!

On a serious note (if this was serious) really hope original poster sorted out this problem as can only imagine how uncomfortable it must have been.

hunkermunker Mon 02-Jan-06 00:41:02

Come on, who was this?

merrySOAPBOXingday Mon 02-Jan-06 00:41:57

Rumour has it that it was a long necked animal

ah yes now that makes sense

Mytwopenceworth Mon 02-Jan-06 00:43:28


WethreelittlebabiesOfOrientAre Mon 02-Jan-06 00:48:00

So glad it was a joke

Thought I was the only mad person still up at this hour!

giraffeski Sat 17-Jun-06 01:06:48

Message withdrawn

jellyjelly Sat 17-Jun-06 01:09:00

need a good giggle.

giraffeski Sat 17-Jun-06 01:12:37

Message withdrawn

jellyjelly Sat 17-Jun-06 01:21:53

can you give me your thougth about the thread above of mine, needs other peoples thought pls.

giraffeski Sat 17-Jun-06 01:30:03

Message withdrawn

giraffeski Sat 17-Jun-06 02:05:48

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey Sat 17-Jun-06 07:45:02

"Liten, taht was Firyfly who posted that. She has had too much whute wime."

oh this is a gem, giraffeski. I am going to compile a list of great drunken posts and yours is going straight to no. 1

That is a good one.

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain Thu 07-Dec-06 23:01:22

worth a bump

GiraffeGotTheLastRoomInTheInn Thu 07-Dec-06 23:02:48


How many of you were taken in? eh?

GiraffeGotTheLastRoomInTheInn Thu 07-Dec-06 23:02:48


How many of you were taken in? eh?

SoupDragon Tue 30-Jan-07 14:28:24

Well worth a sneaky bump

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 30-Jan-07 14:29:29

YAy Soupy

Good for the giggles this one!

tortoiseSHELL Tue 30-Jan-07 14:33:53

Thanks thanks thanks for bumping this, I'd forgotten how funny it really was!

mylittlestar Tue 30-Jan-07 14:44:04

fantastic thread! had to stop reading half way through as I was literally PMSL at my desk in work! brilliant!!

Don't forget the horse thread either!!!

this is why I love mumsnet!

did someone mention pirates?

ComeOVeneer Wed 04-Apr-07 19:33:37

LOL I thought of this thread when I saw that other one a moment ago.

Dropsy Wed 04-Apr-07 19:34:10

this old chestnut

PotatoOfDoom Sun 22-Jul-07 14:50:42

This still makes me giggle even now :D

mamazon Sun 22-Jul-07 14:55:15

ahh the famous pirate noises thread.

how come this has been bumped now though?

PotatoOfDoom Sun 22-Jul-07 14:59:38

I remembered it, read it and thought it worthy of being read by the newbies

burek Sun 22-Jul-07 15:26:29

thanks potato
now I understand all those pirate sex comments and have had a good old laugh as well. Great therapy!

Chipstick Sun 22-Jul-07 21:27:33

This is one of the greatest threads of all time - I still pmsl when reading it.

singledadofthree Sun 22-Jul-07 21:32:22

oh wow!!! this is a real thread - have heard about it often but never seen it for real.

will look out for any funny looks if i come out with a line or two while waiting in the que in tesco....altho i already get them

KnickKnack Sun 09-May-10 21:23:54

I can't believe its been almost 3 years since this was in active convos...it deserves a bump for anyone who doesn't know the Classics section exists grin

<apologies to anyone who mistakes it for a current thread, only reads the first page and posts a serious reply!!>

Littlefish Sun 09-May-10 21:28:36

Blimey - I can't believe this was from 2005. I remember when it started.

<winces when she realises how much time she's wasted spent on mumsnet since 2005>

CaptainWinky Sun 09-May-10 21:29:47

I love that this is still going.

CaptainSillyBeardyDaddyman Wed 19-Sep-12 08:50:03

Arrrr! This be needing a bump today!

Avast ye!

Maryz Wed 19-Sep-12 08:53:34

I knew you would like this Beardy grin. Is it about you?

CaptainSillyBeardyDaddyman Wed 19-Sep-12 08:57:12

I wish it were me hearty, but I lost me knob to a spindly killer fish and have an extra peg leg now...

CaptainSillyBeardyDaddyman Wed 19-Sep-12 08:58:04

I used to give wenches the pox, now I gives em splinters!

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