to think this couple are bonkers

(722 Posts)

So we have got quite friendly with this couple through school. They are both professionals lawyer/banker and seem to have shedloads of money and live in a beautiful house. But I have always thought they are a bit odd - a few strange random comments and slightly bonkers opinions on things, but I don't mind strange and DD gets on well with their DD.

They invited us round to supper at their big posh house the other night and DH and I made a real effort to 'scrub up'. Paid for babysitter, dolled ourselves up and spent more on wine than we ever would at home.

We get there - all fine and lovely. Glass of wine and chit chat - slightly odd topics (sex life of Nomads in Papa New Guinea and a less interesting 15 minutes on Chinese banking but still...), then we sit down at quite a formal dinner table and hostess serves starter of.... tinned soup. We know it's tinned because it's Heniz tomato soup and there are 3 empty cans in bin... That's ok, we like soup and chat away. Hostess starts laughing uncontrollably at something. Host doesn't think this is odd but sits back and wait for her to stop. We smile and ask what's so funny but she just carries on laughing. Then she stops and carries on talking as though nothing had happened. She then makes a bit to-do and hoo-ha about serving up main course of.... macaroni cheese. Not even baked in the oven, just macaroni stirred into a cheese sauce - like I make for DCs. And that's it.

DH and I eat it and try not to catch each others eyes. Nothing is said about the choice of main course other than 'I hope you like macaroni cheese' so I start to wonder if my expectations were too high? And then we get pudding which is a scoop of Neapolitan ice cream out of the tub.

As we leave, host pinches my bottom in full view of everyone and says 'that was fun' and hostess laughs her head off and says 'pinch punch first day of the month' - even though it isn't. And that's it.

DH says they are a bit quirky and to stop going on about it but I think they are mentalists. I'm right aren't I?

bumpybecky Thu 07-Oct-10 10:42:55


oh forgot to add that the reason I am stressing is that I feel I ought to reciprocate with invitation but really don't want to for fear of it forming a habbit...

pjmama Thu 07-Oct-10 10:45:13

Being "posh" doesn't mean you can cook! Did they make you feel welcome and were you all having a nice time? That's the sign of a good dinner party to me, not the quality of the food. They do sound a bit crackers though, but that's not necessarily a bad thing! I'd be a bit annoyed at the bottom pinching though, that's not on.

YANBU - what an odd evening. And shock about the bottom pinching! I'm really laughing here esp about the soup but tbh if I were you I would now be avoiding them like the plague!

nocake Thu 07-Oct-10 10:47:12

YANBU! Can you invite them back as part of a group to dilute their weirdness?

ToniSoprano Thu 07-Oct-10 10:48:17

Do you think they might be swingers? Perhaps 'dinner' was just so they could check you out!

I know that PJ snd I realise that I might be being judgy-pants about the food. But it was all so bizarre and surely even if you can't cook, you could buy something you stick in the oven and a ready made pudding rather than kids food - whcih is what it felt like? TBH the whole evening was so odd that by the time the bottom pinching happened, I was ready for anything hmm

Rockbird Thu 07-Oct-10 10:49:03

Oh come on pjmama, they sound bonkers! I get what you're saying and I'm a shite cook but even I could stump up something better than tinned soup and macaroni cheese. I'd at least go for Covent Garden soup and an M&S dinner.

Would be pissed off at the bottom pinching too.

FrogInAJacuzzi Thu 07-Oct-10 10:49:19

Are they swingers?? Do you still get such a thing these days? Just be careful if they ask you around again and they're starkers.

MaMoTTaT Thu 07-Oct-10 10:49:27

if it wasn't for the bottom pinching I'd say YABU and they're just a bit quirky.

pjmama Thu 07-Oct-10 10:49:29

Invite them back and send out for fish & chips. wink

They sound off their rockers but not about the food. I love Heinz tommy soup and macaroni cheese.

<wipes drool from chin>

HerbWoman Thu 07-Oct-10 10:50:33

Were they all dolled up too? Could they have had a busy week and forgotten about it so it was a case of whatever they had in the house (hence the laughing)? Bottom pinch definitely odd - were they expecting the evening to go a little differently? Maybe you should have punched and kicked him back.


Rockbird Thu 07-Oct-10 10:50:35

Sounds like they'd think that fish and chips was the height of haute cuisine

Lizzylou Thu 07-Oct-10 10:50:46

That dinner party menu has made me very hungry grin

They do sound odd, but in a good way.

Invite them over, at least you don't have the pressure of them being wonderful cooks to get you stressed out.

Oh and pinch his bum when they leave.

TheFlabHasGotttaGo Thu 07-Oct-10 10:51:37

Swingers, I bet they are swingers!

HerbWoman Thu 07-Oct-10 10:51:57

You see, I didn't like to say, but as two people have already suggested it, I thought swingers too.

I thought swingers but didn't like to say either!

thedollshouse Thu 07-Oct-10 10:54:20

grin. Thank you for making me laugh it hasn't happened in a while.

loopyloops Thu 07-Oct-10 10:54:51

Yeah, I'm going for the swinger vote too.

Rockbird Thu 07-Oct-10 10:55:01

They're not selling themselves very well then! Boring conversationalists, crap cooks and schoolboy passes. If you're into swinging you must be able to do better than that

deepheat Thu 07-Oct-10 10:56:55

Swingers. Defo. Re inviting them back, the only issue here is whether you enjoyed the bum-pinch or not?

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 10:57:09

Ok, bottom pinching is weird but the rest of it?

You sound SO hungup on their "posh"ness. And you make the meal sound like a transaction - do you think you're entitled to better than average food cos you spent more than average on your wine?

You need to get over your pigeon-holing, or maybe don't.. hopefully they'll have cottoned onto the fact that you aren't that keen on them and they wont want or expect a return invite.

and maybe they save the nice food for non twats?

mamatomany Thu 07-Oct-10 10:58:06

Are you speaking from experience Rockbird ?

SheWillBeLoved Thu 07-Oct-10 10:59:03

grin barking mad. Have to say though, if he pinched my arse, I'd have punched him. Pinch punch and all that!

Take protection next time just in case things get steamy over a bowl of swiss roll and squirty cream grin

confused at the thought of having to invite potential swingers to supper! Was thinking to invite them with another couple we are good friends with (who we can brief beforehand ) but now thinking Bonkers Couple might see this as an invitation for big swinging session!

Perhaps I shall serve Chicken Nuggets followed by individual yoghurts...

Rockbird Thu 07-Oct-10 11:01:01

LOL @ FWS getting her knickers in a knot

mamatomany I bloody wish!

piprabbit Thu 07-Oct-10 11:01:11

The laughing would worry me...

juicy12 Thu 07-Oct-10 11:02:50

That's a bit harsh on the OP, FallingWithStyle, IMHO. Even if you're a rubbish cook, you'd go to more effort out of respect for your guests - at least a M&S dine in for a tenner type thing! And I'm going with the swinging vote grin

Falling I am not hung up on their wealth, the reason I mentioned it was to bypass the responses saying 'maybe that's all they could afford'... I couldn't give a monkeys about eating tinned soup and macaroni cheese - both lovely. But it was odd under the circumstances, that's all. Quite how you have deduced that me and DH are twats from that I don't really know confused

vinvinoveritas Thu 07-Oct-10 11:03:24

Message withdrawn

piprabbit Thu 07-Oct-10 11:06:11

Have you ever seen the kids TV programme 'My parents are aliens'?

OrmRenewed Thu 07-Oct-10 11:07:36

I'd dislike the bottom-pinching but nothing else.

Not everyone can cook, or even really give a toss about food. It's not obligatory

melikalikimaka Thu 07-Oct-10 11:09:34

How rude to not make the effort to cook for you. Swingers, maybe, but I would avoid from now on. Do what others suggest, invite them round, plenty of wine, but order Indian take away. That way, you have got revenge for their measley food and entertainment.

The very least, she could have gone to M&S and got two meal deals and passed it off as her own.
Your DD will hopefully move on to other friends!

cestlavie Thu 07-Oct-10 11:09:53

Maybe they were having a 70s themed evening and forgot to mention it in advance?

Would explain the food and swinging hints... she wasn't wearing a kaftan was she?

rubyrubyruby Thu 07-Oct-10 11:12:22

They are completely mad.

Bloodymary Thu 07-Oct-10 11:13:09

I am going for swingers as well.
As for slightly hysterical giggling over nothing, sounds to me like she had been smoking 'herbs'!

FrogInAJacuzzi Thu 07-Oct-10 11:13:42

Maybe they did their shopping at Tesco?

this page

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 11:17:39

Yes, I shouldn't have insinuated you and dh were twats. I apologise.

I just dont get it though, but seem to be in a minority on this thread.

Serving tinned soup and macaroni cheese (that hasn't been baked!!) is somehow a show of disrespect?

They invited you for supper - clearly they are extendeding the hand of friendship. To pick that apart because the food wasnt better is bizarre and very, very bad form imo.

annh Thu 07-Oct-10 11:19:52

Orm, if you don't give a toss about food, why would you invite people to dinner? Ask them round for a drink instead or suggest getting a take-away.

OrmRenewed Thu 07-Oct-10 11:26:08

Because they wanted to invite their friends to dinner but as they don't care too much for food they just used something easy as it doesn't matter to them.

I agree it's odd but I do know people like this. Usually older people who have been used to having 'staff' to look after them and have never quite got used to doing without them. Dad and DB once went to help my great-aunt by putting up a garden shed. She offered them lunch. When they came in she has a single tin of Baxters soup between three of them with half a slice of wholemeal bread each hmm

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 11:26:39


But when you invite someone round for dinner its not about the dinner confused

Honestly, I find that a really odd way of looking at it.

Ah well, different priorities.

partyorganiser Thu 07-Oct-10 11:32:29

I think they're a bit wierd - sorry

colditz Thu 07-Oct-10 11:34:24

They probably went to a boarding school and therefore, this was how they think people eat. Nursery food.

DirtyMartini Thu 07-Oct-10 11:34:28

<splutter> at nuggets followed by individual yogurts

What age group are we talking here, are they a bit older? It's just hard to imagine the bottom-pinching being ok with the wife otherwise hmm

falling again, the food was just odd under the circumstances - those being: invitation to dinner party, glamorous couple, formal dining room with fully laid out silverware and linen napkins, obvious wealth, everyone quite 'dressed up' then coupled with strange conversations, unexplained hysteria. Bottom pinching etc. Odd, not 'not good enough' - there's a huge difference.

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 11:40:18

Sorry - I must have missed that it was a Dinner Party invitation - I thought it was supper.

Also missed the silverware etc - you mentioned it was a quite formal table but I assumed thats just standard due to poshness of the house rather than indicative of that meal being formal.

Also I realise that you dressed up expecting something glitzy - didn't realise they had.

I really read it as you (based on your assumptions about their lifestyle/wealth) built it up in your minds as something other than what it was - an informal meet up as pals with a bite to eat.

minipie Thu 07-Oct-10 11:41:55

Am I the only one who thinks the hosts served that food as a joke and were laughing at their own oh-so-clever private joke?

maybe I'm just cynical.

But they are definitely definitely odd, no doubt about that.

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 11:44:36

The rest of it - the strange conversations, the inappropriate laughing - I would just assume was awkwardness. You sound like you were awkward, they probably felt awkward too.

Probably just one of those situations where you can be pally at the school gates but an evening at their home ahowed that you are just very different people. No harm done, I just think its a bit mean to say they're weird when they clearly thought enough of you to invite you to their home.

Quite apart from all that though - the bum pinching was very, very odd and reason enough not to return the invitation.

Malificence Thu 07-Oct-10 11:47:01

Be careful, next time she'll have her husband crawling round the floor naked with a collar and lead on, then he'll be humping your leg under the table, mark my words. wink

They sound like loons.

I thought the same minipie.

bumpsoon Thu 07-Oct-10 11:48:27

perhaps the food was ironinc or perhaps they were taking the pisss hmm

pencilpotmonitor Thu 07-Oct-10 11:50:31

Maybe tomato soup and macaroni cheese is swinger code for 'How about it?'

Yeah, that explains it grin

I wondered the same, minipie. But either way it's strange!

DirtyMartini Thu 07-Oct-10 11:52:50

Really Chickens and minipie? But why would you think that -- it seems an insanely odd thing to do, do people really do that? Deliberately invite acquaintances round and serve odd food as a joke, purely to get a reaction?


notyummy Thu 07-Oct-10 11:53:21

Sounds very Abigail's Party!

I would chalk it up as an amusing experience.

<But yes, I would secretly think they were swingers who were trying to find a polite way to introduce it into the conversation...and failing. Perhaps chinese banking is actually rhyming slang....?)

passionberry Thu 07-Oct-10 11:53:32

Yeah, the basic food was because their mind wasn't on the food . . . it was on the swinging!

Probably you weren't even meant to eat - they were expecting you to all be rolling around in it by that point!!

Plumm Thu 07-Oct-10 11:54:09

Maybe they were trying to get a thread started about them on MN

Most of the swingers I know are quite into food and cookery, actually and don't act as oddly as this. THough there is one club that, instead of having a running buffet, sends out for pizza for everyone at midnight.

OP, do you live in a village close to Danbury in Essex?

The hysterical laughter which went unexplained would have made me paranoid. And it is bloody odd to dish up macaroni cheese when you have a formal dinner table set. I would think that this was some 'private' joke, at the OP's expense.

ArsMamatoria Thu 07-Oct-10 11:56:26

Invite them back, but serve Findus crispy pancakes with baked beans followed by Angel Delight.

minipie Thu 07-Oct-10 11:57:12

Yep... sounds like one of those Roald Dahl "tales of the unexpected". Bet they have a body in the freezer.

Malificence Thu 07-Oct-10 11:58:12

Oh god, I've just twigged - they are sploshing swingers.

All the food they served is perfect for sploshing in - did they have big rolls of plastic sheeting standing by?

AllarmBells Thu 07-Oct-10 12:03:59

Gosh I thought I was a nasty paranoid overthinker....I would have been a lone voice....thank you ChickensHaveNoEyebrows

"The hysterical laughter which went unexplained would have made me paranoid."

"I would think that this was some 'private' joke, at the OP's expense."

I entirely agree. Nasty pieces of work. Continue to say "hi" over the fence and let DCs play together, but I wouldn't invite them back.

Mind you, I never invite people back unless I really enjoy their company. DP flatly refuses to get into some deadly ritual of "oh god, it's our turn, we've got to have them round but I hate them" thing. If the two couples don't work as a dinner party thing, I would leave it.

BadgersArse Thu 07-Oct-10 12:05:20

i reckon they think you are rough,
they had a bet they couldnt do a dinner party and serve up shit food without you saying it.

t hey did it and felt superior. and laughed at you

sorry its not at all ncie

FWS, I don't see anywhere the OP thinks it's disrespecting her, I think you may have got the wrong end of a stick there, which is perhaps why your opinion is not more widely echoed.

OP clearly made an effort, as anyone would if you go round to someone's house for dinner, and bought a nice bottle of wine.

The way I saw it was that the food was ODD, the evening was extremely ODD.

OK so I can cook, well. But I couldn't always. I would have bought IN, I would have invited them OUT, or I would have served bits and pieces, but never tinned soup and boiled pasta in a cheese sauce. The ice cream too!! LOL

I thought swingers too tbh....You could be being groomed.. but it could just be that they are as mad as a box of frogs!

What WAS with the giggles fit? Wacky Backy???

slightlyjaded you are going to have to go back, to see what they 'cook up' next....

Do it! For mumsnet the laugh! grin

TheShriekingHarpy Thu 07-Oct-10 12:08:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheShriekingHarpy Thu 07-Oct-10 12:12:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I would have thought they had taken some kind of drugs.

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 12:14:40

Littlemisshissyfit - the disrespected thing was in response to some of the responses.

I should have made it clear I wasnt attributing that to op.

BadgersArse Thu 07-Oct-10 12:14:53

no nothing sexual
was HUGE pracitcal joke

BornToFolk Thu 07-Oct-10 12:15:40

"Am I the only one who thinks the hosts served that food as a joke and were laughing at their own oh-so-clever private joke?"

Nope, that's exactly what I thought. Sounds like they were trying to make it as odd as possible to see what your reactions would be.

God knows why, though. hmm

You have to invite them back though. Give them spaghetti hoops on toast and Angel Delight with chocolate sprinkles and see what they do...

I think it's some sort of private joke.
Did you slurp the soup and say "mmm this is lovely you must let me have the recipe"
I've invited people round for less than a 4 course banquet....well all the time. But I usually get a take away or bung pizzas in the oven, and that is how they are invited - for a takeaway / pizza. They would never be under the impression it was a dinner party!

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 12:16:28

I shall flagellate self with some value oven chips.

BrightLightBrightLight Thu 07-Oct-10 12:16:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Horton Thu 07-Oct-10 12:17:28

They sounds really really odd. I agree that going round for dinner isn't really about the food, although it is very nice to get something delicious served to you - and in a way, a good meal that you haven't slaved over is part of the pleasure. But macaroni cheese and tinned soup is like offering ham sandwiches or something. Completely weird.

I must admit the swinger thing crossed my mind too. The hysterics would have made me completely paranoid, as well!

ToniSoprano Thu 07-Oct-10 12:17:29

Perhaps they'd had a cooking disaster before you all arrived and were sharing a private joke with each other about the emergency food they ended up serving? Hence the hysterical laughter? Or maybe they had an elaborate meal planned but ended up having a few drinks and a pre-dinner bonk and forgetting to marinade the lamb or whatever?

Tinned soup and macaroni are so inconsistent with the silverware etc.

FallingWithStyle Thu 07-Oct-10 12:17:40

Are you all on a massive comedown?

Horton Thu 07-Oct-10 12:17:46

Gah, they sound, not sounds.

ooh I know, invite them round and have cheese spead sandwiches with the crusts cut off, cocktail sausages, party rings and hula hoops

Horton Thu 07-Oct-10 12:18:28

If they'd planned something better and it all went wrong, wouldn't they apologise, though? I know I would.

MissAnneElk Thu 07-Oct-10 12:19:46

The laughing would have made me paranoid too although I would have had to ask what was so funny. How do you think they perceive you and DH?
I wouldn't return the invite if I were you.
On a positive note at least they didn't serve Heinz canned macaroni cheese wink

But did they live near Danbury? There is a village closeby which is well known as a swingers paradise. DH was invited to some friends house for dinner. I couldn't go. He took the dog.

drivingmissdaisy Thu 07-Oct-10 12:25:20

My first thought was I think they might be swingers!

Kewcumber Thu 07-Oct-10 12:25:32

"Perhaps I shall serve Chicken Nuggets followed by individual yoghurts..."

Nooooo - fingers fingers and baked beans followed by Frubes (preferably Toy STory ones - they can choose their favorite character).

Or just don;t invite tehm back - whatever the explanation, can you really be arsed?

piprabbit Thu 07-Oct-10 12:27:26

Ooh Kreecher - do say where, it's not where I live is it?

Elemental Thu 07-Oct-10 12:32:35

I want to know about their other bonkers opinions.

Pip how do I know where you live? Are you a swinger by any chance.
It turned out the couple DH went to dinner with were. They were very disappointed to meet Pod rather than me.

Antidote Thu 07-Oct-10 12:35:58

OK, I read this earlier and thought either 'complete stoner food, what drugs have they bee on?' OR an elaborate piss-take.

Glad I'm not alone!

bnm Thu 07-Oct-10 12:36:12

Just be glad you hadn't invited them to yours first otherwise it could have been harder to get them and their odd ways out than you leaving when ready!

piprabbit Thu 07-Oct-10 12:37:51

I can barely manage a wiggle these days, let alone anything as energetic as a swing.

I would have liked to see the look of horror (or not) when your DH arrived with a canine partner.

SylvanianFamily Thu 07-Oct-10 12:40:19

I think they'd rowed just before you'd got there...

" I asked you to get the groceries for dinner! "

" I forgot. I was busy. I have a job, you know"

" I was relying on you. No fucking food in the whole house."

" For fuck's sake, these are people from school, not the bloody queen. They've come to talk to us. Just feed them whatever the kids had"

"Tomato soup, macaroni cheese and ice cream?!? are you out of your mind"

" What,s wrong with it? Everyone likes macaroni cheese? Jeez, I didn't realise I'd married fucking Nigella Lawson"

" OK, fine, fine, they,re here now. Just be nice please. Our Dds are friends, I can't avoid these people"

" Hellloooooeee. how delightful to see you. ha ha . ha ha. If i can just take your coats ( ummmmmmm.... ). yes, here is the entree. Consome Tomate a la mode. Ha ha . Hahhahahhhhaaaaaaahahahaha.. Ha ha, ( breathe deeply)"


"( you've got an arse like Nigella too, sweetheart)"

" ( fuck off, or next time you pull a stunt like that on me, I,ll be serving your testicles on platter)"

" Goodbyeeee"

"do you think they noticed anything?"

SF you are right and that is hilarious!

OrmRenewed Thu 07-Oct-10 12:43:32

Re the hysterical laughter, they were just stoned?

HuwEdwards Thu 07-Oct-10 12:46:54

What a hilarious, if bonkers night!

TheShriekingHarpy Thu 07-Oct-10 12:47:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cestlavie Thu 07-Oct-10 12:51:37

SF that is very funny, I imagining something slightly different...

"Think we've got time for spliff before they get here?"

"Yes, sure, honey, let me quickly skin up"

(Few mins later)

"Fuck, this dope's a bit strong"


"Bollocks, I think I'm caned off my chops"


"Shit, that couple are coming round in a second. Pick yourself up off the floor honey. Man, I really want some fucking macaroni cheese..."

Sidge Thu 07-Oct-10 12:52:21

They are either on drugs or it's just like SylvanianFamily said grin

I served cheesy beef to friends once. It wasn't supposed to be cheesy beef. We drank lots of wine to compensate.

OrmRenewed Thu 07-Oct-10 12:55:03

In fact you were lucky you didn't get toast and marmite.


Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

partyorganiser Thu 07-Oct-10 13:01:03

This has really cheered me up - thanks x

Quenelle Thu 07-Oct-10 13:02:38

They do sound a bit quirky. I think they're worth keeping around though for the entertainment value. If you can put up with the bottom-pinching.

Do they have pampas grass in their front garden? It's a sure-fire way to tell if they're swingers wink.

hatwoman Thu 07-Oct-10 13:17:26

invite them back. cook good food. get them absolutely pissed. if you end up having a laugh (potentially including about soup, macaroni cheese, and ice cream) you have the makings of a good friendship. if it's just weird again then withdraw to a safe distance.

MissM Thu 07-Oct-10 13:18:38

I love this thread. Please let us know what they say when you see them again. Mind you, the bottom pinching would have really pissed me off.

hatwoman Thu 07-Oct-10 13:19:38

and if you've ever had a spliff, or are, at least, relaxed about spliffs, drop it into conversation - I do actually think it's a possible explanation. if they realise you wouldn't judge them for it they might relax and tell you - and laugh about it.

mrswoodentop Thu 07-Oct-10 13:32:10

Seems obvious to me;they had forgotton you were comming ,or got the date wrong,the hysterical laughter wS nerves or embarrassment and due to both the dh drank too much resulting in the bottom pinching

Mumi Thu 07-Oct-10 13:34:57

"by the time the bottom pinching happened, I was ready for anything"

I think that was their intention grin

EdgarAllInPink Thu 07-Oct-10 13:44:18

the only thing that i really off about this is the bottom pinching.

I like cestlavies exposition of events...

and sylvanianfamilies

v. funny ladies.

I have next doors coming for tea and cake. shall i try milk and half a French Fancy instead?

I don't see why people assume they are swingers because they serve crap food???? Do swingers eat crap food then? Sounds to me like they got stoned after work, and the menu was what they really fancied/could be arsed to make/thought they were being really funny.

(arse pinching odd though, but not indicative of swinger?)

Anenome Thu 07-Oct-10 13:49:21

My first thought was that they're a bit quirky and had a bet about serving the crappest food at a dinner party..hence the sudden's not unreasonable to hope for a decent meal if asked to dinner! NOthing fancy....spag bol or casserole would have been something a non-cook could manage! But tinned soup and macaroni! How weird!

piratecat Thu 07-Oct-10 13:50:05

they just sound ridiculous tbh. I wouldn't bother with inviting them back. Can't think of anything more time wasting.

Oh thank you thank you for confirming the strangeness of it all.

So in response to various suggestions:

1 I don't think they were stoned. DH is (boringly) a bit of a professional pot smoker (see another thread) <yawn> and usually smokes a few joints a week to 'relax'. I used to smoke in my 'yoof' and think I have been around enough stoned people to recognise people who are mashed / buzzing / on a comedown from something...

2. They might have been 'mocking' us. But we are both fairly unremarkable in terms of style/income/job, but perhaps this is what is 'so amusing' to them??

3. Swinging <mind boggling>. Whilst I have no moral issues with Swinging. Doesn't really appeal to me (certainly not with Mr and Mrs Bonkers) and other than the pinch, I didn't spot any coded messages (apart from maybe the menu??) oooh maybe the nursery food was to tell us that they are into baby stuff - you know, he wears a nappy etc <mind boggling even more and maybe a bit of sick in my mouth>, but I honestly can't believe anyone would invite us round to groom us (maybe I'm being naive??)

4. No, we don't live in Essex. Opposite side of London. I am not aware that we are in a Swinging mecca

5. So in conclusion. I think i will invite them back once more to be nosey polite, but also invite our other friends, and have come up with the following menu:

Carrot batons and cherry tomatoes with a Dairylea triangle


Mash potato, sausage and peas arranged in the shape of a face with tomato ketchup mouth

or vegetarian option

Alphabet shaped potato waffles with Disney princess spaghetti shapes for her and Spiderman spaghetti shapes for him

individual petit filous

At the end of the evening, I shall go for a peck on the cheek whilst making inappropriate remark about 'no tongues'....

Oh and maybe I will randomly and inexplicably burst into tears at some point, which DH will ignore.

See how like them apples!

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts Thu 07-Oct-10 14:32:34

I think swingers too.

Next time you go (if there is a next time) I'll bet they will have invited another couple and ask you to put your keys in the fruitbowl wink

The manic laughter could have been her signal to him that she liked the look of you, and pinch of the bottom his sognal to her!

I certainly dont think the food is an issue, maybe they just wouldn't have known what you do and dont like.

ApricotWorms Thu 07-Oct-10 14:44:31

Do they have a hot tub? I think that's quite swingery.

greedyguts Thu 07-Oct-10 15:34:45

Things that spring to my mind:

- weird
- swingers
- drugs
- elaborate piss take

The combination of the food, the setting, the unexplained laughter (that is just rude!) and the bum pinching would make me want to avoid them in the future.

Marchpane Thu 07-Oct-10 15:51:02

Pmsl at SylvanianFamily. I reckon that's it. Or they thought that was the sort of thing you'd enjoy.

Next time forget posh wine and take a 6 pack with you. Or Capri Sun. Luuuuverly grin

Marchpane Thu 07-Oct-10 15:52:07

Of Capri Sun. Not or.

Spinkle Thu 07-Oct-10 15:55:36

I think swingers wot had a jazz fag after work...

Couldn't be arsed to cook.

Quite funny...

JustDoMyLippyThenWeWillGo Thu 07-Oct-10 16:02:04

This has made me laugh a lot. Reckon they just too posh even to think about the impression they made. You must invite them back and post all grin

TheShriekingHarpy Thu 07-Oct-10 16:02:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissM Thu 07-Oct-10 17:10:08

Please please please post back after you've invited them for dinner.

I will MissM though will probably bottle it and cook a delia mushroom risotto <drip emoticom>

Oh and to the person who mentioned the 'dinner party' aspect, yes they absolutely used the phrase dinner party but we were the only guests... <opening credits to 'tales of the unexpected' emoticom>

Horton Thu 07-Oct-10 19:18:44

This thread has cheered me right up. Apart from the fact that I also live on the opposite side of London from Essex and am now slightly scared that I may meet this pair of loons.

TiggyD Thu 07-Oct-10 19:23:58

They sound mental. And interesting and fun and friendly.

Can I come next time?!

Marchpane Thu 07-Oct-10 19:28:57

Ooh you could give them a Haribo each between the starter & main course as an amuse bouche grin

OP I will need to know your menu for when you have them over. Great thread!

march have posted potential menu - refer back. Feedback welcome

Namechangingwuss Thu 07-Oct-10 19:46:16

They sound like a pair of insane swingers!

BobbieSox Thu 07-Oct-10 19:47:57

If you're that side of London I know ( not from experience) there's a well known set of swingers very near a particular tube station on the district and piccadilly line...could it be them?

I think the couple do sound a bit worrying but maybe as others have said they're too posh to know how to cook?

CardBoardFox Thu 07-Oct-10 19:58:28

Not sure if this has been suggested already, but I reckon it was a set-up. They THOUGHT you might be MNetters but didn't want to ask. So, they set up a bizarre dinner party, knowing that it would be a typical AIBU thread, and are now sitting back reading this thread saying 'ha! we were right!'.

You, of course, HAVE to invite them back. Stater - nice ham
Main - Greggs sausage rolls
Pud - grapes - and then you can start the 'eating them before the check-out conversation'

Feign any knowledge of terms like fanjo and norks (which sound like they might be hot topics), and if asked outright, say you have NO idea what Mumsnet is... grin

Tippychoocks Thu 07-Oct-10 20:00:19

Did they owe you hospitality? Are they the kind of sticklers who would ask you so that they didn't owe you but couldn't be bothered to do a proper party? Or indeed meal?

They sound like fun though. Invite them for Christmas drinks: a fruit shoot and a share in a packet of Wotsits.

teaandcakeplease Thu 07-Oct-10 20:04:33

I thought the same minipie as well. I was very relieved as I read the thread to realise I wasn't the only one. I liked Borntofolks suggestions too.

This thread has given me such a giggle tonight, I needed it smile Especially Cestlavie and SF's posts.

You must report back after the next meal.

chandellina Thu 07-Oct-10 20:08:31

amazing. frankly i'd be offended if that was the menu and really annoyed with them for messing with my mind.

DurhamDurham Thu 07-Oct-10 20:11:06

It sounds like fun, can I come to the next one? I love Heinz soup and Neopolitan icecream! grin

GeekOfTheWeek Thu 07-Oct-10 20:14:46

Are they the swingers off Alan Partridge?

ShirleyKnot Thu 07-Oct-10 20:19:16

Was there pudding lurking around?

Kewcumber Thu 07-Oct-10 20:29:33

Isleworth is the wife swapping capital of Europe - anywhere near you?

Marchpane Thu 07-Oct-10 21:58:18

Isleworth you say? That's not very far from me. I bet they all go to Waitrose. I'll try to spot them for fun. Perhaps by their shopping:

Bottle of Chablis, pea shoots, artisan loaf, pain au chocolat, nice ham, stuffed olives, French brie, probiotic yoghurts, small bar of Green & Blacks chocolate, fair trade bananas... gigantic tube of lube and a cock ring

this thread is incredibly funny - my dh and i are pissing ourselves!

bookmarking for any updates (my life is sad and doesn't have any swingers or even tinned soup going for it!)

Maria2007loveshersleep Thu 07-Oct-10 22:22:05


I would hate the giggling thing though. Would drive me mad not knowing why they're giggling.

GrendelsMum Thu 07-Oct-10 22:27:16

No, I think SF is right and that they'd had a massive row before you arrived, hence the weird conversation, no food and giggling.

Or they'd forgotten the date, and you arrived, and they had to feed you what was in the house.

OR, my elderly aunt and uncle are rather posh and very well off, and tomato soup, macaroni cheese and ice cream is certainly what my uncle would serve up at a weekday supper for friends. (Look, you should count yourself lucky you didn't get sardines on toast, which we've been served repeatedly.)

piprabbit Thu 07-Oct-10 22:35:39

Or, they had a last minute quickie before you arrived. Planned food was burnt, wife left feeling giggly and teenager-ish, husband full of the joys of spring (hence bum pinching).

readywithwellies Thu 07-Oct-10 22:45:19

Do they have a pampass grass in the front garden?

beachyhead Thu 07-Oct-10 23:02:15

I think they thought, I quite like that couple, shall we invite them round? Then they just gave you food that they like.

You had a nice time ( bar the bottom pinching, which you should have shouted about at the time)....

I think they are just a bit inept (sp!) and if you like them, have them back, maybe with some other liberal friends, who might click with them.....might be the start of a lifelong relationship.

Actually kew not Isleworth but, based on an educated guess... Not more than a mile or so from you - assuming you are of the botanical garden variety...

Kewcumber Thu 07-Oct-10 23:26:20

indeed... ooh I might know them... grin

DiscoSquish Thu 07-Oct-10 23:54:03

They sound bizarre. Kreecher do you mean LB, WM/W or B? <dying to know>

FunkyCherry Fri 08-Oct-10 00:14:45

PMSL at this thread!!!

Maybe they thought you were up for swinging, but when you turned up realised you actually wanted food and had to see what they had in the cupboard.

This is going to become one of those 'i wonder what happened with...' threads isn't it? grin

Op you have to have them over to yours & report back on further weirdness.

Ryuk Fri 08-Oct-10 02:26:29

Am I the only one who is surprised that Kreecher's DP actually took a dog to a dinner invite?

It had me imagining an entire alternate series of events resulting in an AIBU thread about the hosts saying they're allergic/scared of/just don't like dogs, DP being turned away, and a seven-page discussion over whether Kreecher should be offended or not.

discoSquish It is one of them, you'll have to try to figure out which one.
Pod (the dog) was a friendly old boy, life and soul of any party he was not invited to.

DiscoSquish Fri 08-Oct-10 09:37:12

My money is on B

I used to live there grin

<disclaimer: did not own pampas grass>

so when are they coming round OP?
Have you got the smiley faces out of the freezer to defrost?

and why is this not in classics yet?

DiscoSquish Fri 08-Oct-10 09:49:06

Would it be too big an ask to want you to set a webcam up so we can all join in? grin

Fishfingers should feature on the menu somewhere, or turkey twizzlers.

HalfTermHero Fri 08-Oct-10 09:58:43

Apart from the pinch on the bum I think the rest sounds ok. So it might not be the food most of us would choose to serve but maybe they really can't cook, or something. Perhaps they just enjoy your company and are not too bothered about formalities.

Have just got back from dropping DD at school and was talking to one of the other mums who I get on well with. Told her we'd been to supper and that it had been a bit surreal and she mentioned that last Hallowe'en, their DCs were trick or treating down Mr and Mrs Bonkers street (better class of treat you understand) and that Mr Bonkers had answered the door in a werewolf mask and very tight black tracksuit. Mrs Bonkers then appeared in a green witches wig and dressing gown and gave the kids 2p each confused

See I knew I was right. Off their rockers.

Anyway DH says we have to invite them back (although to be honest apart from entertainment value and pleasure of reporting back to MN, I am not sure if I can face it) but will report back in due course

DirtyMartini Fri 08-Oct-10 12:27:08



At least it wasn't apples embedded with razor blades (the much-feared Hallowe'en danger of my youth, which almost certainly never happened to anyone)

Horton Fri 08-Oct-10 19:12:15

Not more than a mile from Kew? Oh god, I might know them too!

mylittlemonkey Fri 08-Oct-10 19:54:01

Ruddy hillarous! At last a chuckle in my otherwise pretty dismal day. Much better AIBU than the drudgery of cutbacks/ CB etc.

Please invite them round again - i will be waiting in anticpation for the next eposide!

And to answer - YANBU - bonkers!

Oh this has made a crappy evening much better, can't wait to hear the next bonkers installment! The manic laughter would totally have freaked me out tbh, and the bum pinching...I think they're very very odd.

And AIBU to worry as my mum has pampas grass in the front garden shock it was there when she moved in though...

Maria2007loveshersleep Fri 08-Oct-10 21:08:45

Oh please please please invite them back, please do. And yes, hidden camera so we can join in too.

DCameron Sun 10-Oct-10 14:28:50

Well, have you set the date yet, and stocked up on the disney princess spaghetti?


and just realised I am the last poster too

Nancy66 Sun 31-Oct-10 15:48:29

suggested menu for your return invite:

starter: tinned pilchards on ritz crackers

Main: findus crispy pancakes with tinned mix veg

pud: arctic roll with a chocolate sauce coulis

or if you're going for something less formal, jam sandwiches and party rings. With that bubblegum pop stuff

Have you considered the possibility they might be embarrassed because one of them is on a low residue (ie non poo making) diet and had to serve things they could eat because a doctor was going to be sticking things up his/her derriere in the next few days?

Either that or they are bonkers.

I have a few bonkers friends, we just indulge them.


So we have been organising stuff for School Christmas Fair and obviously parents are donating stuff for raffles and stalls etc.

A newsletter was sent out last week asking if people could donate bottles for the tombola. Most people have gone down the wine or bubble bath route, but there was a bit of giggling going on at a slightly odd donation - a bottle of turps. And hoorah it turns out it was from Mrs Bonkers.

So on that basis, (and also because our DD asked their DD outright in front of us all) we have invited Mr and Mrs B to ours for supper next week.

I am genuiniely now in a dither as I don't want to go over the top (as they went so very under the top) but equally can't really serve up spaghetti hoops on toast.... can I? hmm

Will update with breakdown of evening in due course and DH has promised that if any more bottom pinching happens, we can call it a day

Yay! I can't wait!

Please give them spaghtti hoops on toast. And wear a tiara while doing it.

Oh can't wait to hear how it goes!!

A bottle of turps in the school raffle hmm they are definitely bonkers! Hope you don't end up winning it!

WhatsThatDuckDoingThere Wed 03-Nov-10 15:05:46


We were wondering what happened with mr and mrs bonkers just yesterday!

Why don't you have a 70s food fest using only frozen ready made chicken kievs and packet trifle?

Sidge Wed 03-Nov-10 15:09:09

You should do them a Vesta Curry.

With Arctic Roll for afters.

And serve Babycham to drink.

(Can't wait for the update)

pastyeater Wed 03-Nov-10 15:10:54

Oh my God!! My parents had pampass grass in their front garden!!! shock grin

Tiara - yes!
Chicken Kiev - yes!

DH is being really annoying and telling me to 'behave'. I think we might actually have to do subtle bonkers - because I am a coward so discreet. Perhaps just have the soundtrack from a second rate musical playing on a loop in the background all night or something....

MayorNaze Wed 03-Nov-10 15:21:34

oh how marv grin

invite other, more straight talking people over as well so someone will hav the guts to ask them outright whether they are loons or not grin

sooo excited - which night will it be? I must arrange my diary around it.
Don't do subtle - were they subtle??
Maybe you could have panda cola to drink

MayorNaze Wed 03-Nov-10 15:22:55

do it like the royle family xmas dinner...

cuppasoup - with a a bowl...grin

I started a thread asking about you the other day...oh I'm am just a bit too involved really

Joolyjoolyjoo Wed 03-Nov-10 15:24:27

I love this thread- looking forward to the next instalment!

Hullygully Wed 03-Nov-10 15:27:30


KenDoddsDadsDogHatesFireworks Wed 03-Nov-10 15:27:48

Please serve an Iceland prawn ring. And black forest gateaux.

sarah293 Wed 03-Nov-10 15:33:25

Message withdrawn

Mendeleyev Wed 03-Nov-10 15:46:46

And me grin

GastrointestinalPuddingDemise Wed 03-Nov-10 15:46:51

Will there be party games?

LtEveDallas Wed 03-Nov-10 15:47:26


Hullygully Wed 03-Nov-10 15:47:28

Oh there have to be games. And a bowl for the car keys

Summerbird73 Wed 03-Nov-10 15:53:38

throwing my coat on a chair to mark my spot too grin

i have some potato waffles in the freezer if you want to use them?

Lox Wed 03-Nov-10 15:54:21

How about iced gems as after dinner biscuits with the coffee?

Hullygully Wed 03-Nov-10 16:08:08

Angel Delight for pud. With hundreds and thousands on it.

GastrointestinalPuddingDemise Wed 03-Nov-10 16:11:34

And squirty cream.

come on please tell us which day
I am organising a virtual MN dinner party for the same time and am looking for posh guests - any takers?

How weird! (haven't read whole thread). I think you should invite them back for a pot noodle and a Mars ice cream

DastardlyandSmugly Wed 03-Nov-10 16:21:05

I really think you should serve them Jelly Salad. You actually cannot get much more bonkers in food form.

FunkyCherry Wed 03-Nov-10 16:23:09

G&T You HAVE to read the whole thread, its hillarious!

Is it wrong that I'm so excited and can't wait to hear what happens?

Come to my dinner party! It's where all the action will be

GastrointestinalPuddingDemise Wed 03-Nov-10 16:24:42

Perhaps some Swedish birds' nests?

AppleHEAD Wed 03-Nov-10 16:25:20

That's hilarious! Some people do eat crap and think nothing of it. I got Angel Delight at a dinner party once. But the manic laughing and pinching is very odd. Maybe they had had a spliff or six

Jux Wed 03-Nov-10 16:27:18

This is now on my Watch list.

I do know a woman who is incredibly shy and laughs loudly and inappropriately rather a lot. There is something weird going on in her head when she does it, rather along the lines of "oh look at me, I'm talking to real grown ups about real grown up things". She's not really a nutter, just can't really believe that people take her seriously. I think she had an appalling childhood and it is some hangover from that; laughing in disbelief at how far she's come kind of thing.

Yours is clearly just mad.

largewhizzingrocketandtonic Wed 03-Nov-10 16:31:56

Oh i can't wait for this.

Good luck OP.

Lurpak Wed 03-Nov-10 16:46:09

Having just seen and read through this whole thread I'm dissapointed that we're not at the 'reciprocating meal' yet... oh well, will have to wait impatiently for the next installment!! Can't wait!

<hopes to meet similar bonkers couple as could do with some entertainment!>

olderandwider Wed 03-Nov-10 16:47:59

I think the evening should have a theme.

Spam comes to mind.

Starter - Spam animal shapes.
Main course - Spam fritters and pineapple rings.

Spam trifle.

Hmmm. What to wear.


terryble Wed 03-Nov-10 16:50:16

I always used to want us to get pampas grass planted in our garden when I was a child, and my mother always said no.

Now I think I have an insight into why...

FunkyCherry Wed 03-Nov-10 16:58:14

PolarBear I'd love to come.

OAW I'd quite like that dress if it was black blush

terryble I always wanted pampas grass too - Ooops.

Cicatrice Wed 03-Nov-10 17:01:55

I'm ridiculously glad to hear this, considering I don't know any of you. Well done!

bumpybecky Wed 03-Nov-10 17:14:08

I am so glad to see this thread back again can't wait for the next instalment

and grin to turps for the tomboloa!

GregoryPeck Wed 03-Nov-10 17:39:15

Hahaha! I served toad in the hole and mash at a dinner party once though, so I can't talk. Looking forward to further instalments!

WannabeNigella Wed 03-Nov-10 18:00:20

Never mind "bottom pinching" make sure they don't chuck their keys into the bowl in the middle of the table wink

Oh Stealth I am delighted that you will be hosting parallel dinner but am now I am worried that I am going to under-deliver. The expectation is clearly great...

I offered next Thurs or Fri and Mrs B is going to check with Mr B and let me know which is best. I will do my best to keep you all posted and up to date with menu and dress code etc.

Oh and I was very brave today and actually said to Mrs B "Oooh turps - I think that's a first" to which she replied "Oh, we've got heaps if you ever want a bottle"

See. Bonkers

MsKalo Wed 03-Nov-10 19:03:02

If you do invite them to yr house please let 'us' know what happens! I love Heinz soup too but c'mon they could have made a bit more effort!

Jux Wed 03-Nov-10 19:18:12

Perhaps you could find a good mixer for turps and serve a 'digestif'?

(If you get the wool I'll knit up those jumpers for you; Friday would give me more time, but I reckon I could get 'em done for Thurs if necessary.)

Sidge Wed 03-Nov-10 20:09:09

I want a SlightlyJadedCam for that evening.

Could you conceal a hidden camcorder-type device about your person for the evening please SJ and stream it live for us all?

Thanks, much obliged.

Horton Wed 03-Nov-10 20:43:47

YY to camcorder and live streaming. Please, I beg you.

TrinityTheTwattyRhino Wed 03-Nov-10 20:46:24

I cant read the whole thread but the laughing would have made me assume they were stoned

Faaamily Wed 03-Nov-10 20:49:03

How did I miss this thread?! Laughing my tits off!

Tidey Wed 03-Nov-10 20:57:45

Weeping laughing at this, I love your prototype menu. May I humbly suggest prawn cocktail as a starter, with a few of the prawn still slightly frozen? It'll be a talking point, and a good opening for some nudge nudge wink wink jokes about the word 'cocktail'.

Fucking Hell Dastardly have just clicked on your Jelly Salad link and that is truly mentalist food. I LOVE it

Not sure I'll get it past DH though. He has gone all 'the other way' on me and keeps telling me to stop making a thing about it and just cook what I'd do for any other mates. So I will probably end up bottling it but perhaps with some small, random bit of bonkers thrown in - a tower of Scotch Eggs Ferrero Rocher style in the middle of the table maybe...

I think i can do a reciprical (spelling?)pudding though - still slightly frozen black forrest gateau or arctic roll.

And I do PROMISE to wear a tiara and make copious notes of anything truly mad to report back. Oh and one of my RL friends has asked if I want to borrow her cuckoo clock to put on the wall for one night only. I think I might have to.

cryhavoc Wed 03-Nov-10 23:02:43

I am shaking with laughter at "Oh, we've got heaps if you ever want a bottle". How utterly random.

I think you should become proper friends with these people. Seriously. Life can be so boring sometimes...I wish we had some bonkers friends to inject some madness into our lives.

onceamai Wed 03-Nov-10 23:12:56

I think the staff had the night off.

ljgibbs Wed 03-Nov-10 23:28:19

I think she will bring you a bottle of turps in place of a bottle of wine when they come round for dinner.grin

FunkyCherry Wed 03-Nov-10 23:49:43

OP - I'm starting to really feel for you, because I don't see how you can get through the night without sniggering to yourself....
...and then Mrs Bonkers will go home and start a MN thread about you!

I think laptop in the kitchen so you can post updates as the night goes on.

LittleMissHissingFirecracker Wed 03-Nov-10 23:56:49

yeah, with PICS!!

LittleMissHissingFirecracker Wed 03-Nov-10 23:58:55

My first bookmark... and somehow I think I chose the most deserving thread.

BonzoDooDah Thu 04-Nov-10 00:04:57

Love the cuckoo clock in the kitchen! Have it set something random like an hour and 23 minutes fast too so everyone looks at it when it goes off.

Everyone needs bonkers and they sound like utter loons - marvelous!

Have you thought of serving fish fingers with smiley faces and jelly with icecream for pud?

Cheese and pineapple on cocktail sticks hedgehog for canapes?

<<Marks place and goes off to find posh frock for virtual dinner party>>

OHHH you just have to do a pyramid of scotch eggs!!!

And serve them half frozen jubbly style ice pops for drinks or Schloer

oh noo actually make it sarspirella!!

And for main course

Sausage mash and beans BUT dollop the mash on the plate stick sausages in it and put a sea of beans around the edge!!!

onmyfeet Thu 04-Nov-10 01:43:08

Looking forward to the update!

Remember whatever you serve, lot's of wine to wash it down.

jabberwocky Thu 04-Nov-10 02:44:27

How about an all-beet menu?

appetizer - pickled beets

followed by:

beet salad

beet soup

roasted beets

and ending with Chocolate Beet Cake



grumpyvamps Thu 04-Nov-10 07:23:51

Hahaha. Very amusing, but tinned soup too obvious.

BANGerskite Thu 04-Nov-10 08:33:12

Have to see how this turns out.

Bookmarking grin

Byblyofyle Thu 04-Nov-10 08:41:43


Psammead Thu 04-Nov-10 09:14:16

They sound hilarious! Who cares if they are swingers? Just a gentle 'thanks but no thanks' if it's not your thing and you can still be friends with them! Off to read the rest of the thread now, sounds like there is more I missed.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 04-Nov-10 09:36:25

I'm afraid there is something very wrong with me. I think most of the menus people are suggesting for a laugh sound quite nice. Except the beet one. And spam trifle obviously.

So funny. Funny peculiar that is.

Dying to hear next installment.

I too thought that it was a joke at your expense but having read about the 2p for Halloween and the turps for Xmas fair I think they are just nutters!

Saw Mrs B in the playground this morning and at the moment it is looking like next Thurs for dinner.

Asked her if there is anything they don't eat and she said 'no, we like everything' and then added 'Oh, Mr Bonkers doesn't eat sauce". My brain quickly starting thinking 'sauce, sauce what does she mean - any kind of gravy, sauce, moisture or does she actually think we might give them tomato sauce or HP sauce?' Of course I should have asked her to clarify but left it too late so am now trying to think of a 'dry' menu.


BANGerskite Thu 04-Nov-10 10:09:24

Ritz crackers and squeezy Primula

then Supernoodles and chicken nuggets

followed by Angel Delight

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker Thu 04-Nov-10 10:13:43

Perhaps just serve MacDonalds without plates!!

And no pledge or papyrus in your window!!

ScaredOfCows Thu 04-Nov-10 10:15:51

But doesn't macaroni cheese have, err, cheese sauce?

SparklePffftBANG Thu 04-Nov-10 10:23:22

It's like a carry on film...likes a bit of sauce does he??
I'd assume she meant a tomato based sauce but don't know if that is the case. Obv not cheese sauce, and if she meant gravy, she'd have said gravy??

DastardlyandSmugly Thu 04-Nov-10 10:30:39

Please make them a Jelly Salad

DastardlyandSmugly Thu 04-Nov-10 10:33:45

Look I've even found a website that lists 5 (yes a whole 5) reasons for using Jelly:

Five Reasons to Make Your Own Jello Recipes
1) Everybody loves jello.

That might sound like a cliché but it is true. Kids and adults alike can find a delicious jello recipe which appeals to them. Whether you enjoy jello salad, jello mousse or jello cookies, you will love jello recipes. You can even make savory gelatin salads or jello drinks.

2) Jello recipes are easy.

The easiest jello recipe simply involves adding water to jello powder and stirring it. Even jello recipes, which look difficult, are not really. Add some cream, fruit and a couple of other ingredients, allow your jello to set and you have a great dessert all ready.

3) Jello is economical.

Compare the price of a readymade dessert for four people from the grocery store to a package of jello powder. Add some fruit to the jello and buy some cream or ice cream for a topping and you can serve dessert to the whole family for a dollar or two. There are so many flavors of jello, so many jello varieties, and so many recipes for jello that you will not run out of ideas either.

4) As well as being a tasty option, jello can be a healthy option.

If you are diabetic, watching your weight, or just interested in healthy eating, jello is ideal. You can use sugar free jello or regular jello and adding fruit to your jello recipes is another healthy step in the right direction.

5) You can get creative with jello.

Substitute cherry jello for strawberry jello, use ice cream instead of whipped cream or use individual jello molds instead of one big one. The more you work with jello, the more ways you will find to make your jello recipes unique and you can either make simple jello recipes for your family, or more elaborate creations for dinner parties or special occasions.

pottonista Thu 04-Nov-10 10:35:48

Some fine recipe tips here: intage-food-ideas.html

I particularly liked the 'Sack O' Sauce in a Can O'Meat'.

SarahStrattonsSparkler Thu 04-Nov-10 10:36:58

YY to the Jelly Salad, that is king of bizarre food. And not sauce either. You could base your entire menu around Dastardly's Jelly Salad, with a few tweeks.

I wish I knew this couple!

This is the start of a great Anti - Foodie friendship!

You can outdo yourselves serving strange and mismatched dishes.

Jello is the New Cupcake.

pottonista Thu 04-Nov-10 10:42:00

Also, for starters, you could make Jellied Bouillon with Frankfurters: d-bouillon-with-frankfurters-one-of-many-traumatic -dishes-made-possible-by-jellateen/

Or perhaps a Liver Sausage Pineapple? -its-a-liver-sausage-pineapple/

I think the point is to not make effort.

followed by

To be honest, they may have been mortified, hence laughter.

Their housekeeper may have been ill, or misunderstood. Maybe they usually get their food cooked for them, and found to their big surprise that there was nothing.

I have friends who never cook, and have their housekeepers ready prepare their dinners / suppers for them

Cows thank you thank you. I can't beleive that didn't occur to me. He hoovered up his macaroni cheese as I recall. So what type of sauce can she mean I wonder?

Dastardly have already commented on Jelly Salad - I love it. Most bonkers food ever

and Posie - Pledge? Is that another secret signal then?? I am such an innocent!

Also who ever mentioned frankfurters - genius. Chopped up Frankfurters in a salad as per the 'serving suggestion' on the front of a frankfurter pack. I have always thought this looked like madness.

LittleMissHissingFirecracker Thu 04-Nov-10 10:56:50

Can I just raise a pendantic hand and request that we call it JELLY???

<pet hate>

thanks awffley
as you were..

BANGerskite Thu 04-Nov-10 11:25:50

Any of the recipies from




Jajas Thu 04-Nov-10 11:26:58

Marking my place, can't wait for next Thursday <saddo>

You just have to update us on the night you know, we won't sleep grin!

jabberwocky Thu 04-Nov-10 12:20:05

"I think most of the menus people are suggesting for a laugh sound quite nice. Except the beet one. And spam trifle obviously."

But beets are so healthy <stern look>

Anniegetyourgun Thu 04-Nov-10 12:28:41

Is jelly healthier if it's green?

Horton Thu 04-Nov-10 12:44:48

How about something from this site?

I think this or this would be ideal. And nobody could say you hadn't made an effort...

Tinuviel Thu 04-Nov-10 13:25:46

Well my DD thinks that the Frankfurter Spectacular looks yummy. In her defence she is only 8. (I hope that doesn't reflect badly on my cooking - I promise I've never made it!)

oooh Frankfurter Spectacular looks amazing Horton

See now in an ideal world, and based on all suggestions, I would serve

Starter: Jelly Salad
Main: Frankfurter Spectaular
Side Dish: Scotch Egg Pyramid
Pudding: Arctic Roll

But I just don't think I'm brave, bohemian or blase enough blush

Maybe if I have a bottle glass of wine first...

FunkyCherry Thu 04-Nov-10 13:50:43

Oh, just order in pizza. Then you'll have more time for mumsnetting bonkers conversation.

Psammead Thu 04-Nov-10 13:59:15

Today, for the first time in my entire life I am going to have mac and cheese. Thanks soley to this thread.

Horton Thu 04-Nov-10 14:09:33

If you have a bottle of wine first, you will probably snigger all the way through the meal and we will have a thread on here from bonkers mother next week fretting about what it was she'd done to be the object of such derision. Which would be kind of wonderful, so I think you should do it.

And please do the frankfurter spectacular. And take photos. I think there's a whole flickr group devoted to people recreating those recipes!

My DD (aged 4) also really fancies the Frankfurter Spectacular. But then she'd probably kill me without a second thought if she thought there was a chance of a hot dog as a consequence.

Leo35 Thu 04-Nov-10 14:13:28

Genuinely - turps for the school fair bottle stall???!!! I am almost weeping with laughter at this - the sheer wrongness on all levels!! BTW Are they artists hence the need for turps??

Best of british luck for the dinner party. You are way, way braver than me! We do need to know what you serve for the meal.

Also love the Hallowe'en anecdote. They are rather out of step with modern mores aren't they?

When is dinner served virtually? Can I crash as well. I eat sauce!

Bicnod Thu 04-Nov-10 14:22:05

marking grin

JinnyS Thu 04-Nov-10 14:40:02

also marking

I have concerns about Frankfurter Spectacular. Is it not a weightwatchers recipe?

Diet food at a dinner party?? It will need some chips as well

Horton Thu 04-Nov-10 14:41:25

It is a Weightwatchers recipe but I struggle to see how a bloody great tower of hot dogs can in any way be suitable diet food!

JinnyS Thu 04-Nov-10 14:43:19

It's not a diet I would follow happily

Elemental Thu 04-Nov-10 15:25:06

I was thinking of that WeightWatchers site too, I have a fondness for this one

Love TLES's sausages sticking out of mash idea. Sausage a la Beano.

Miggsie Thu 04-Nov-10 17:53:53

Well, if one of them is a banker I think it explains the current state of British banks...!

They sound mad as a box of frogs.

WannabeNigella Mon 08-Nov-10 09:39:01

So......... I'm dying to know......... Is it all on for Friday evening?

Pleeeeaaaaasssssssse say yes!

Nigella Thursday is red letter day.

Am now truly in meltdown about what to dish up.

ChippingIn Mon 08-Nov-10 10:33:09

It has to be spam fritters surely? With a side of spagetti hoops then artic roll...

Twiglets with kir royal when they arrive.

ApricotWorms Mon 08-Nov-10 11:12:29

Please please please will you have a notebook at the table and write down bonkers behaviour when it occurs? You'll look proper nuts too but it will make the evening all the more entertaining for the rest of us

WannabeNigella Mon 08-Nov-10 11:43:55

Woo Hoo!

I'm so excited! You'd think I was attending. (Although span fritters, arctic roll, jelly, angel delight, chicken nuggets etc don't really do it for me wink)

TabithaTwitchet Mon 08-Nov-10 11:48:16

If you like, I can divulge the recipe of my mum's legendary Macaroni Cheese SOUFFLE!

Even as a child I thought it was a bit bonkers, now it is bonkers and retro. But surprisingly yummy wink At least, as a child I thought it was the best thing ever - my mum used to cook it when we had schoolfriends round for tea, and it attained legendary status in the playground grin.

ToniSoprano Mon 08-Nov-10 12:17:06

As Mr Bonkers doesn't like sauce, perhaps you can have a range of ketchups, HP, Daddies etc on the table and stress to everyone that the partaking of these is optional. Am so glad you've invited them back and think cuckoo clock idea is perfect.

What are you going to wear?

I think Mr Bonkers does actually like sauce, he likes it too much, so perhaps you should make sure you dress demurely if you don't want another groping...

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 08-Nov-10 12:28:02

Oh, oh, this is the best thread in the entire internet.

"We've got heaps of bottles if you ever want one"!


OP, can I suggest going completely the other way? Really stupidly posh dinky canapes and then one of those main courses on enormous plates that's about three grams of salmon underneath a bunch of faffy herbs, and something unpronounceable and French for dessert.

But serve it on a plastic fold out table with picnic cutlery and a vinyl tablecloth.

Haha, grin at the cuckoo clock!

Cannot wait to hear how the big night goes.

Please do the tower of scotch eggs! You'd really be spoiling Mr and Mrs Bonkers with a sky high pile of scotch eggs...

pottonista Mon 08-Nov-10 12:39:30

Please, please, PLEASE make something from here: .html

I particularly liked 'Lemon Float'. Instructions:

1) Heat a can of bouillon
2) Pour into glasses
3) Float a slice of lemon on the top

misdee Mon 08-Nov-10 12:45:30

i had wondered why this thread was back.

cant wait to see how the OP's dinner turns out.

eeyore2 Mon 08-Nov-10 13:21:49

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Reading this thread has brightened up my day no end. Not sure what the highlight is, I think maybe the three empty cans of Heinz soup in the bin. Or 'we've got heaps'.
Can we not persuade the OP to go back to her original idea of individual petit filous for dessert???

Oh I wish I wasn't such a coward. I really really want to serve a bonkers menu but every time I think I will, I lose my nerve.

Chipping think I can just about manage Kir Royal and Twiglets as a welcomer with the option of Pom Bears for those that don't like Twiglets maybe?

But am really struggling with the rest.

I am still going with the tiara and have gone ahead and borrowed cuckoo clock though <proud emoticom>

I love the idea of taking copious notes in full view of guests whilst sitting down to dinner. If they ask what I'm writing, I can just say something really vague like - 'shopping lists, you know how it is....'

Am now worried that they are going to turn up and be completely un-bonkers and that I will have let my fellow MNers down.

Toni outfit? I don't know. Although every bone in my body is screaming Kaftan...

DaftApeth Mon 08-Nov-10 14:22:17

I can't believe that Isleworth is 'wife swapping' mecca shock

OP I must live near you. I'm happy to come over for the evening and sit in the corner and take notes.

You could just pretend I was part of the furniture and ignore me all evening grin

Not Isleworth DaftApeth - less than a mile from Kew but in a different direction...

And honestly, I don't know if they are the 70's Wife Swapping veterans that we have all come to believe that they are (they would have been children in the 70s by the way) or whether their random behaviour and Mr B's pinch has us all barking up the wrong tree.

SyncInProgress Mon 08-Nov-10 14:36:58

Great to see this thread back in such good form! Enjoy your chic dinner party, SJ.

CheeryCherry Mon 08-Nov-10 14:38:44

You will have the funniest night - am envious!! You MUST have a beautiful bowl as your table centrepiece, with your car keys at the bottom. And I think I would go OTT with the menu - a masterchef special - at the other end of the scale. (But twiglets and pork scatchings would be appropriate nibble selection) Imagine turning up to a dinner and having spam,kievs and angel delight...hilarious! I might do it to some pals, see their reaction... Keep us posted.

jybay Mon 08-Nov-10 14:40:50

I can't believe they're swingers. Surely they'd have made more effort with the food if they were grooming you?

I think they're bonkers but is it unintentional or a cunningly-crafted ploy to keep the PTA at bay? Only Thursday will tell...

DaftApeth Mon 08-Nov-10 14:54:17

I'm not Isleworth either, further into town from there (and much posher, obviously wink)

Think kaftan is a fab idea.

How about joss sticks?

Pennies Mon 08-Nov-10 14:55:50

Marking. Fab thread.

proudfoot Mon 08-Nov-10 14:58:14

I love the idea of taking copious notes in full view of guests whilst sitting down to dinner. If they ask what I'm writing, I can just say something really vague like - 'shopping lists, you know how it is....'

PMSL at this!

ToniSoprano Mon 08-Nov-10 15:18:46

Slightly - "I love the idea of taking copious notes in full view of guests whilst sitting down to dinner. If they ask what I'm writing, I can just say something really vague like - 'shopping lists, you know how it is....'"

Just snorted out loud at work (in silent room) when I read this...

Think if you're going to wear a kaftan, then you really must mention how much you love Demis Roussos (Abigail's party ref) perhaps you could even play some quietly in the background... pineapple chunks on sticks a must!

FrameyMcFrame Mon 08-Nov-10 15:44:08


ToniSoprano Tue 09-Nov-10 09:21:16

SHIT !!! - has anyone heard of Dinner for Schmucks? Think maybe you've been had, Jaded?

Look at this:

FoundWanting Tue 09-Nov-10 09:42:04


Horton Tue 09-Nov-10 11:57:22

>> Not Isleworth DaftApeth - less than a mile from Kew but in a different direction...

North Sheen? If so, I am scared.

jybay Tue 09-Nov-10 12:30:22

Hmm, the soundtrack needs careful thought. How about "The wheels on the Bus" on a loop?

Pennybubbly Tue 09-Nov-10 12:31:46

Am actually crying with laughter now. This is beyond hilarious and I want to meet this utterly UTTERLY bizarre couple.

Bearing in mind the whole no-sauce theme, how about serving a pile of toast on a platter, then having in the centre of the table one of those little baskets like they have in pubs filled with sauces, mayonnaise, vinegar etc.

Then you and DP dive in and pile a whole host of `tasty toppings` onto your toast, hysterically laughing all the while. And don`t forget to say `hope you like toast`.

To drink, dilute orange.
For pudding, a packet of Nice biscuits. Or those pink wafer things. Again, served on a platter.

Too OTT?

ApricotWorms Tue 09-Nov-10 19:29:19

jybay Tue 09-Nov-10 12:30:22
Hmm, the soundtrack needs careful thought. How about "The wheels on the Bus" on a loop?

That would be so funny and utterly bizarre

I have been thinking about soundtrack and there are options....

1. Wheels on the Bus. We have a number of chidlren's CDs that would serve this purpose - probably the best being a cover version of every irritating children's programme you can imagine, including Bob the Builder and Dora

2. Something utterly unexpected and dire - Elaine Paige sings your favourite broadway hits?

3. Europop/house. And turned up slightly too loud so we have to lean in and raise voices to talk.

4. A medley of depressing indie band/Emo teenage angst

5. And my personal favourite would be 'Hooked on Classics' This was an appalling 'mix' of famous classical pieces set to an electronic beat which was a massive best seller in the early 80s. I remember my parents having the casette and to this day, I still expect Flight of the Bumblebee to 'mix' into Bethoven's Fifth when I ever I hear it....

6. Final option. Very ethnic percussion and wailing style album played on a loop.

jybay Tue 09-Nov-10 20:20:34

If they are barking as you have described, (2) and (6) might be too subtle for them. Even (5) [much as I love the idea - my father had the tape in the car to torture us] might pass them by.

How about total musical schizophrenia- alternating between (1)and (3)?

Jux Wed 10-Nov-10 08:56:57

I vote for 6, as long as you have it on vynil which has become slightly warped. Perhaps with a scratch or two so it jumps as well as modulates.

Jux Wed 10-Nov-10 08:57:12

Vinyl sorry blush

AFEICA Wed 10-Nov-10 15:35:01

This is the funniest thing I have read EVER!!

StillSquiffy Wed 10-Nov-10 17:27:25

Whale Music.

StillSquiffy Wed 10-Nov-10 17:28:40

Whalesong I mean.

And you have to do the 'shopping list' thing

Flowerbomb Thu 11-Nov-10 09:27:19

Is it tonight? Eagerly awaiting a full report wink

SkinnyLattePlease Thu 11-Nov-10 09:59:14


FantasticFox Thu 11-Nov-10 10:01:32

It's tonight?!

Marking! grin

doings Thu 11-Nov-10 10:03:07

I'm with Toni - they're swinger types. If he'd have pinched my bottom, I'd have slapped him round the chops and then let's see how long his missus laughs.


Miggsie Thu 11-Nov-10 10:04:50

Get a tape of "waterfall and fountains" from one of those new age places, because that will have them running to the toilet every 30 minutes. Then when one of them returns to the room, stop talking instantly and make them paranoid that you were talking about them.

How about prolonged bouts of unexplained hysterical weeping?

Oh, and keep glancing towards the door throughout the meal.

If they are bonkers they won't notice a thing, if they are compos mentis they'll make an excuse and leave.

Check to see if they take biscuits away in their pockets.

Yep tonight. Stand by your beds...

It will probably be dull and very ordinary now, but at least the cuckoo clock is guaranteed

ForMashGetSmash Thu 11-Nov-10 10:09:07

Oh I wish I could come! grin

It speaks volume that this thread and tonight's denoument are quite literally the highlight of my week grin

What is your final menu SlightlyJaded?

SarahStrattonsSparkler Thu 11-Nov-10 10:13:16

Oh please do spaghetti hoops on toast. You could rinse the sauce off his and really lay it on thick that you have done so.

<can't wait>

doings Thu 11-Nov-10 10:17:30

Good luck but I have to say I wouldn't have returned the invitation after a bottom pinch - no matter how much DD likes their DD. I'd have been polite when I saw them again but that's it.

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 10:29:07

Have had flu this week and this thread has cheered me up no end. Can't wait to hear what happens. smile

Byblyofyle Thu 11-Nov-10 10:47:40


I am still faffing over final menu notasize10 but will almost certainly fail to be very bonkers as I am too pathetically worried about what people think of me, and don't think I have the front to serve up salad jelly however much I want to.

I think I can probably be inappropriate with pudding and thought I might do ridiculously over the top ice-cream sundaes with marshmallows, hot choc sauce, hundreds and thousands, squirty cream,a glacé cherry and a lit sparkler.

jybay glad to have cheered you and I wish you could all be here just sitting silently around the room with notebooks on your laps grin

janajos Thu 11-Nov-10 12:05:35

I've marked - this is hilarious.

What about coleslaw with main course? a bit bonkers and retro but you could say it is making a comeback!!

Seabright Thu 11-Nov-10 12:08:23

What's the cuckoo clock all about? I need an explaination please!

Good luck for tonight!

wonderstuff Thu 11-Nov-10 12:18:06

Brilliant. Wish I could be a fly on the wall.

Seabright you need to read back for full explanation of the cuckoo clock, but in a nutshell friend has lent it to me to add a touch of 'Je ne Sais Bonkers' to the ambience.

MollysChambers Thu 11-Nov-10 12:28:56

Good luck! I hope they live up to expectations. You're very nice you know. Last time a bloke pinched my arse I turned round and kicked him in the shins. Very hard.

simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 12:35:56

Marking.. good luck tonight

Please serve warm ribena and chocolate cigarette sticks after dinner

slowshow Thu 11-Nov-10 12:41:44

I cannot WAIT for the full report grin

Horton Thu 11-Nov-10 12:46:15

Very excited about this! Please can we have live action updates between courses?

Jux Thu 11-Nov-10 12:58:56

Good luck. I want live updates too.

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 14:14:55

Yes, your public demands live updates. Remember, I'm an invalid- my whims must be satisfied or I may never recover wink.

Dare you to type openly on your laptop in front of them and - if they ask what you are doing - say airily "^Oh just updating several hundred people on the internet who want to know how this is going^".

ApricotWorms Thu 11-Nov-10 15:45:50

What time are they due to arrive? Just so I know when to sit down with a glass of turps and some ritz crackers with primula cheese

empirestateofmind Thu 11-Nov-10 16:30:59

Can't wait to hear how it went.

7:30 - Set your cuckoo clocks grin

I will attempt some 'live coverage' of the evening but will have to take a bit of a view as to how feasible this is...

We can probably have the laptop on in the bedroom and if I can, I will disappear with random excuses as and when there is anything to report.

Or perhaps I will say "do excuse me, I've just got to check the hedgehog' or some such nonsense....

sharbie Thu 11-Nov-10 17:29:21

ooo just seen this thread again - i am another who will be watching and waiting tonite - good luck

FunkyCherry Thu 11-Nov-10 17:32:00

You have to ask them about the turps bottles.

And say you're thinking of having your garden landscaped - ask their opinion on pampass grass.

Good luck, you're braver than me.

Absolutely wetting myself laughing at this, only just seen it, read it all and they are most definitely beyond bonkers grin

Either that or you are one amazingly talented story maker wink

Please tell me it's real!

Will be back later to see how it's going....

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 17:43:28

If Slightly made up the stuff about the turps, she deserves a publishing deal with a million pound advance!

Why is this not in classics? Hilarious...

Hope it goes really well (in a bonkers way of course) grin

oooh classics <preens at the notion>

Right I'm buggering off to the kitchen now and may be some time...

I promise to do my very best to update at some point tonight

<dons apron and scuttles out of room>

Flowerbomb Thu 11-Nov-10 17:59:01

This is the hightlight of my week - like waiting for the next episode of Mistresses or something like it (obv. don't get out much).

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 18:05:57

Right, I have nominated it for classics. No pressure slightly but here's hoping they don't turn out to be totally normal this evening!

vintageteacups Thu 11-Nov-10 18:12:37

I reckon either they got the night wrong and so cooked what they had in the cupboard and that's why she burst out laughing; didn't say anything as her and her DH had been really worried about it.

Or (b), they were doing it on purpose to wind you up; knowing how wealthy/posh they are.

Or (c) she thought that was acceptable.

Or (d) they were eyeing you up for the swinging thing as everyone else said so the food wasn't really that important.

vintageteacups Thu 11-Nov-10 18:15:10

Sorry - bit behind on - only read first page!

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 18:17:41

vintage, the original post was only the first installment of madness. Read on till you get to the turps.

TragicallyHip Thu 11-Nov-10 18:18:04

Have just been reading the thread... hilarious!! grin

Can't wait to hear tonight's instalment. I'm not to far from Kew either..

My first bookmark. Good luck.

ooh, i presume you are inviting them back, i look forward to an update!!

RealityBomb Thu 11-Nov-10 18:22:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joolyjoolyjoo Thu 11-Nov-10 18:23:56

I've been noseying on watching this thread, so marking my place to see how it goes. Remember to wear a cushion in your pants to thwart Mr Pinchy!

greygirl Thu 11-Nov-10 18:27:08

this is exciting - i'm working late tonight so can read as it happens.
(i think they were very rude, but clearly bonkers)

AFEICA Thu 11-Nov-10 18:27:50

This is the highlight of my year week! I will be sitting here with bated breath...

What time do they arrive?

<bungs kids in bed and reaches for popcorn>

sowhatis Thu 11-Nov-10 18:31:46

Good Luck! just read this whole thread, its hilarious!!!

Shaxx Thu 11-Nov-10 18:43:03

Lol. This is definitely better than tv!

misdee Thu 11-Nov-10 18:45:58

will keep checking this thread all evening. think OP said bonkers couple were due at 7.30?

AFEICA Thu 11-Nov-10 18:46:09

Forgot to add....I have cancelled a night out to watch this thread!!!

wonderstuff Thu 11-Nov-10 18:55:08

[marking place]

classydiva Thu 11-Nov-10 18:59:01

I think swingers too! Testing the water, odd choice of dinner though.

See, money don't mean class does it! ha ha

cheekyweebesom Thu 11-Nov-10 18:59:38

SlightlyJaded I've just seen this thread and chortled through the whole lot, in fact a bit of wee may have come out grin

I'm imagining you in the kitchen now in your kaftan and tiara, shaking your salad jelly out of its mould, with the manic cuckoo in the background ....

I cannot wait to see how this pans out ...

Shrrriekk! They will be here in half an hour bearing turps!

everyone should have a bonkers couple in their life smile

only half an hour to go!!

Casserole Thu 11-Nov-10 19:00:35

Oh PLEASE keep us posted! grin

minipen Thu 11-Nov-10 19:03:03

I have been looking forward to Thursday evening just to find out what happens!

Caoimhe Thu 11-Nov-10 19:06:50

Marking my place!

missmiss Thu 11-Nov-10 19:14:05

<lurks with bated breath>

HeadFairy Thu 11-Nov-10 19:22:36

Oh this has made me weep with laughter <wipes mascara streaks> marking my place. I quite like the sound of these randomly bonkers people, far too eccentric to be lawyers/bankers surely?

toposhtopost Thu 11-Nov-10 19:26:47

Oh Lord, I was rather worried this might be Tarquin and me, but we are not going out for dinner tonight [reminder to self: double check diary].

warthog Thu 11-Nov-10 19:29:49

I can't bear the suspense!

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 19:32:22

I'm not sure I'd actually have cancelled a night out to watch the thread, but it's certainly making me feel better about missing my planned night out due to poxy flu.

phipps Thu 11-Nov-10 19:49:24

I wonder if this is the most amazing funny troll thread grin.

greygirl Thu 11-Nov-10 19:51:57

it's good for a troll thread though isn't it? i'm checking every 10 minutes. do you think they have arrived? in costumes? wonder what they think of the twiglets?

Antidote Thu 11-Nov-10 19:56:41

Waiting with baited breath for updates to while away the long evening feed.

Mendeleyev Thu 11-Nov-10 20:10:43


LittlebearH Thu 11-Nov-10 20:18:58

Cannot wait to find out how this goes.

I wonder what Mr and Mrs Bonkers expensive bottle of wine? Or Cherryade??

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 20:20:39

If it's anything other than turps, I shall be deeply disappointed.

AngelaChase Thu 11-Nov-10 20:53:05

Marking my place grin

Just bookmarking have been laughing out loud reading this whole thread, resulting in dp thinking i'm a bit bizarre!

dutchyoriginal Thu 11-Nov-10 21:03:59


LittlebearH Thu 11-Nov-10 21:04:28

Me too. Off to bed to dream of scotch egg towers!!

TheShriekingHarpy Thu 11-Nov-10 21:04:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Olifin Thu 11-Nov-10 21:09:40

Oh, to be a fly on the wall. I love this thread.

Horton Thu 11-Nov-10 21:18:04

V disappointed that we have no live updates. But perhaps they are all shagging merrily under the pampas grass.

Hurry uppppp !!

What was on the menu in the end anyways ??

Ripeberry Thu 11-Nov-10 21:23:49

Maybe they had a dare with each other to serve up the most boring food and see if you would be too 'kind' not to say anything.

Avoid them from now on and NEVER let them in your house...the freaks!

StealthPoHoHoHo Thu 11-Nov-10 21:34:40

oh dammit - I was meant to be having a virtual dinner party at the same time
<opens bag of crisps>
<finds half drunk bottle of wine>
I am a dreadful hostess. Glad to see you have been talking amongst yourselves

simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 21:37:39

<wanders in with half bottle of vermouth>

<proffers pineapple and cheddar hedgehog>

StealthPoHoHoHo Thu 11-Nov-10 21:39:35

<sticks Agadoo on the CD player>

simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 21:40:29

Nice pampas grass outside. Where's your dh then?

StealthPoHoHoHo Thu 11-Nov-10 21:41:26

he said he was nipping upstairs to slip into something more comfortable

No updates yet??

In that case I'll just be over here doing the Agadoo dance, drinking from my bottle glass of wine grin

simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 21:44:06

Jolly good.
<drums fingers>
<clocks wedding photo>
Oh is that him? I'd better have some turps while I'm waiting then please

StealthPoHoHoHo Thu 11-Nov-10 21:45:08

cheeky mare!

blowninonabreeze Thu 11-Nov-10 21:46:45

Really great thread.
Only just seen it.
Enjoy tonight

dutchyoriginal Thu 11-Nov-10 21:47:01

<slipping my keys out of the pineapple-frankfurter-extravaganza centerpiece bowl to go home bed>

Have a nice virtual dinner!

simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 21:48:46

Sorry stealth, no offence, just getting into character.

Nice music. Got any donovan?

Olifin Thu 11-Nov-10 21:51:31

Ah Stealth thank you, this is really lovely...Ooooh, I say, a lovely stack of Ferrero Roch.....Oh! They're scotch eggs....well I never, how lovely. Don't mind if I do.

maryz Thu 11-Nov-10 21:53:54

Shameless place-marking.

They will probably turn out to be boringly non-bonkers, and will start the evening by apologising that their cooker broke down or something like that.

2rebecca Thu 11-Nov-10 21:54:04

Denis Roussos you mean. Loved Abigail's party when it was on again earlier in the week. "A cheesy one Ange?"

Ingles2 Thu 11-Nov-10 21:55:18


simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 21:57:57

<sobers up slightly, aghast at self insulting hostess' husband so early in proceedings>

Findus crispy pancake, anyone?

InGodWeTrust Thu 11-Nov-10 21:59:50

GOSH! You can't STILL be entertaining. Unless the car key swap went to plan?!

pottonista Thu 11-Nov-10 22:04:35

Oh god. Do you think the smell of turps has finally seduced the OP, and all four of them have gone upstairs to 'look at the new decor'? confused

bathbuns Thu 11-Nov-10 22:07:49

Marking my place. Hope she updates tonight.

simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 22:09:44

Pot I think anything's possible on this thread

I can't stay awake any longer

ApricotWorms Thu 11-Nov-10 22:12:14

I can hear strains of Serge Gainsbourg. Wonder if the OP has a hot tub? Imagine turps and Angel Delight (topped with iced gems) consumed in a steaming pool of people soup. Mmmmm lovely!

InGodWeTrust Thu 11-Nov-10 22:19:56

ha ha ha iced gems! my husband suggested, whole onions on cocktail sticks.

cheekyweebesom Thu 11-Nov-10 22:27:18

They're probably tussling with the cheese footballs now.

Marchpane Thu 11-Nov-10 22:29:44

Oooh I'm glad this thread is back! <settles in>

pottonista Thu 11-Nov-10 22:31:28

<nibbles a Twiglet, pours another glass of Babycham>

deviladvocate Thu 11-Nov-10 22:36:51

Just read the entire thread, need to know what's happening - was about to go to bed now i'm going to stay up to see if there's an update - roll on Mr & Mrs Bonkers part II!

Folks, sorry for lack of 'live coverage' - it really wasn't feasible. They have just left so give me 15 minutes and I will deliver my report.

Some of you will be disappointed to know that neither Pampas grass nor car keys feature....

BitOfFun Thu 11-Nov-10 22:41:18

I am agog grin

wonderstuff Thu 11-Nov-10 22:42:28

andi was just about to go to bed

StealthPoHoHoHo Thu 11-Nov-10 22:43:26

oi simone outside I'll ave yer wink
Ooh i was going to bed but we are getting updated...

pottonista Thu 11-Nov-10 22:47:14

Oooh! Oooh! The OP is back!

I was about to go to bed too, but...

<pours more babycham>

Olifin Thu 11-Nov-10 22:49:30


C'om OP!I was off to bed too but thought i'd just check and see just incase!

sharbie Thu 11-Nov-10 22:51:24

another one agog

gothelen Thu 11-Nov-10 22:54:00

waits impatiently for update

InGodWeTrust Thu 11-Nov-10 22:54:42

i'm in bed awaiting the report. come on !

Olifin Thu 11-Nov-10 22:55:08

Also waiting VERY impatiently. Need a wee but daren't go anywhere.

gothelen Thu 11-Nov-10 22:56:46

Ooops, didn't mean to bold blush

4 minutes then really must sleep....

Blatherskite Thu 11-Nov-10 23:01:13

I'm going to have to wait till the morning for the punchline. This better be good grin

InGodWeTrust Thu 11-Nov-10 23:01:48

i'll check in in the am too! looking forward to it.

Forgive me any typos, too much wine, a weeks worth of nerves, not much sleep of late (thanks DD) and pressure to please the lovely MNers who have egged me on offered constructive suggestions, all play a part. Also I may miss out things but will add anything I else I remember tomorrow.

And without further ado, the full report as promised.

Menu - none of my bravado suggestions (apart from pudding) made it as I obviously bottled it, but did manage a few bits of subtle bonkers.
Starter: Antipasti – dull dull dull, I know but I did arrange some olives into a pyramid and use giddy Christmas dishes to serve up on.

Main: Mushroom, Asparagus and Parmesan Risotto (this, I thought was a good balance between grown up food and comfort food (see fig 1. Macaroni cheese)
Pudding: I managed ice cream sundaes with sprinkles, squirty cream, marshmallows and lit sparkers <proud emoticom>.
Nuts/Snacks: More of these later....

Mr and Mrs B arrived pretty much on time (10 mins late). They bought a lovely bottle of Chablis Grand Cru which me and DH have already vulgarly googled and found to cost around £50 shock. Mrs B apologised for them being late explaining that ‘Mr B was stuck on a work call’. There after she referred to him using his pet name. Now, here is my first dilemma – I really want to tell you it but am worried about outing them/me. ... Oh fuck it, it’s ‘Chopsy’. So, she spent the entire evening addressing him as, and referring to him as Chopsy.

They made a huge fuss of our £8.99 bottle of Oyster Bay Sauv Blanc, saying how delicious it was (which made me think they were actually quite lovely), and then we had an odd moment when DH noticed Mr B had taken his shoes off. He had parked them neatly by the door, and I certainly don’t mind, but he made no reference to it, no ‘do you mind’ etc... Then my DH (and if you ever read this DH, I salute you) walked in to the living room with a bowl of snacks that he had secretly bought on the way home from work, and managed to say (with a straight face) ‘Pom Bear anyone?” I promptly lost it and had to leave the room on some pretext, before returning red faced.

Mostly normal conversation pre-dinner with one or two points of note:
Mr B (I can’t actually refer to him as Chopsy myself you understand): “Oh Fuck Christmas, we don’t bother. Mrs B, DD and I have Christmas lunch in a hotel on Christmas Eve and then laze around all day Christmas eating nuts in our PJs”
Mrs B: “You don’t have any PJs Chopsy”
Mr B: “Well pants then. We do wear the party hats though”
Me and DH: (nervous laughter)hmm

And then later
Mr B: (referring to a period where he was based in China for work) “Of course, everyone carries umbrellas all the time – rain or shine. Put me right off.”
Me: “Oh, do you not like umbrellas?”
Mr B: “Can’t stand the things.”
DH (bravely): “Yes I know what you mean, they poke people in the eyes and take up so much space”
Mr B: “Oh no, I don’t mind that.”
Silence. End of conversation

We sit down to dinner. Starter goes without a hitch aside from Mrs B having a mild version of the laughing outburst. Again, DH and I try to ‘join in’ but we are excluded from joke although it doesn’t feel cruel IYSWIM.

I bring in risotto at which point Mrs B says “Oh god, should have said, Chopsy doesn’t do fungus”
Silence during which I feel irate/panic/nearly laugh, at which point Mr B (Bless him) say’s “Don’t worry, I can pick the mushrooms out”. I try to protest on the basis that they are the key ingredient, and offer something else, but he insists and proceeds to spend the entire meal picking bits of mushroom out of his dinner like a toddler.

Cuckoo clock goes off twice. Nobody remarks on it or even acknowledges it even though it’s really loud and utterly mad. The second time it goes off, I am aware that it’s imminent and start to panic that I am feeling a bit hysterical. When it finally happens I snort v. quietly and start shaking slightly but DH gives me a withering look and I pull it together. Nobody else reacts.

Bring in pudding. Everyone seems to enjoy it and they don’t seem to think it’s odd that they have ice cream with sparklers (or are too polite to say). Mrs B asks Mr B if he wants her cherry? Mr B answers ‘you can’t give it away twice you know’, Mrs B ignores joke and wraps glace cherry in tissue and takes it home for the dog who loves Glace Cherries (I actually wrote ‘cherry’’ on the pinboard in the kitchen so I wouldn’t forget to report this bit back to you all grin). Then Mr B finishes his ice cream and does this odd shuffle towards me (as I am taking dishes out) looking doe-eyed and says (a la Oliver Twist) “please sir can I have some more?” I say ‘Of course, do you want more of the toppings as well?’ and Mrs B starts singing ‘Food Glorious Food’. DH escapes into the kitchen with me (and then goes upstairs to google the wine).

Post dinner: We chat about DCs, work - Mrs B is clearly a top corporate lawyer shock, cooking - Mrs B says Mr B is a ‘whizz’ in the kitchen?? Really?? and holidays - Mr B tells us that his parents have a lovely cottage in Cornwall and we must go down with them.

I boldly ask Mrs B why they have ‘heaps if turps’ to which she replies “We’ve got heaps of everything”. Then adds “except glace Cherries”. Cue Mr and Mrs B hysterical laughter.

End of evening (10ish). They get up to leave, we say goodbye. Mrs B does 2 air kisses, Mr B refrains from pinching my bottom but does tight hug/squeeze thing and then leaves still in his socks, with his shoes in his hand (rather than putting them back on to walk to the car). Mrs B tells him the pavement is soaking, Mr B says they’ll be home in ten minutes...

In conclusion: They are nice. They are definitely a bit bonkers. They probably now think we are bonkers. DH and I both think that they have a kind of innocence about them that comes from being ‘born wealthy’ and not originally from the city. They are quite 80’s – a bit Jilly Cooper-esque IFKWIM.
Swinging tendencies – inconclusive. And fun as they are, I don’t want to go to their cottage in Cornwall and hope the invite was an empty gesture.

And finally I can't believe how much my evening (menu / asking about turps etc) was actually influenced my MN - perhaps I am bonkers?


Fab! grin

celticlassie Thu 11-Nov-10 23:10:24

Well worth waiting up 39 minutes past my bedtime..

jybay Thu 11-Nov-10 23:10:36

Tears in my eyes.

‘Pom Bear anyone?” - your DH is a star!

Thank you for brightening a dull, rainy Thursday!

One question - how does one find out that one's dog likes glace cherries?

Excellent report. I don't know how you kept a straight face what with cuckoo clocks, sparklers and Chopsy all going on!

StealthPoHoHoHo Thu 11-Nov-10 23:11:29

especially the pom bears (well done to your DH), the sparklers and the cuckoo clock
That was a brilliant update, thank you so much

Olifin Thu 11-Nov-10 23:11:32

Thank you for the update

So yes, quite mad but also quite lovely. So glad you all had a nice evening. I laughed A LOT about the Pom Bears and the sparklers in the ice-cream :D Also ROFL at the umbrella conversation. Well done slightly and thank you.

StealthPoHoHoHo Thu 11-Nov-10 23:11:54

oh yes pmsl at chopsy

cakewench Thu 11-Nov-10 23:12:03

seriously, "Pom bear anyone?" still has me PMSL. aaah this was worth waiting up for.

I've got to sleep now, though. I'll check in tomorrow to see the reactions.

Thanks so much for posting this!

Jybay I know - DH is already asleep (bless him) but he was fab and the 'Pom Bear anyone?' moment will go down in our house forever as a classic moment

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, actually crying with laughter. Well worth staying up for!

ApricotWorms Thu 11-Nov-10 23:13:51

I think I am a bit in love with Mr and Mrs Chopsy.

Work of genius. pmsl, thank you so much grin

That is wonderful grin

choccyp1g Thu 11-Nov-10 23:15:23

Well worth staying up for, goodnight all. grin [we need a night-night emoticon]

pottonista Thu 11-Nov-10 23:15:55

<crying with laughter>

That was SO worth waiting up for.

OP, I salute you.

OhCobblers Thu 11-Nov-10 23:15:59

i'd only read the first 2 pages of this thread before noticing that it was back - and have just read the last page!!

am now going to have to go right back to the beginning and start all over !!!

can't wait grin

Guacamole Thu 11-Nov-10 23:16:46

I wonder if she's doing a thread right now on Netmums saying how bonkers you and your DH are? grin

Ellielou02 Thu 11-Nov-10 23:16:47

Sounds like it was a good evening, it has cheered me up no end

bathbuns Thu 11-Nov-10 23:17:12

Well done to your DH. So brave.
Thank you for the update tonight!! Disappointed they didn't ask for some group sex/a partner swap though.

Brasso4 Thu 11-Nov-10 23:18:40

Super, a fab report and worth waiting up for! grin Pom Bears so funny!

On a more comedic note...when explaining to DH why I was staying up beyond my bedtime, I paraphrased the OP. "It's a funny thread about someone who went to a dinner party and was served tinned soup, macaroni cheese and neopolitan ice cream."
DH -"Cooool, that sounds good!" HE WAS BEING SERIOUS!!! Now I would like to point out we are not the bonkers couple but am slightly concerned about DH!

BitOfFun Thu 11-Nov-10 23:20:03

Hurrah for your husband- I thought he was going to be a wet blanket, but he has redeemed himself grin

<affects Phoebe Bouffet voice>

Top Drawer!

grin I love you OP grin

simonedeboudoir Thu 11-Nov-10 23:21:03

Fabulous! pmsl at cuckoo clock and 'pom bear, anyone'

and grin at taking a glace cherry home for the dog

MsKalo Thu 11-Nov-10 23:22:06

Can we get this on 'the telly? Please invite them again

minipen Thu 11-Nov-10 23:23:07

Should be in classics just for the pom bear line well worth staying up thanks for updating

FunkyCherry Thu 11-Nov-10 23:23:16

Well done Jaded You have cheered me up no end.x.

madrid Thu 11-Nov-10 23:23:28

Defo swingers - what was the DH like?!

Feel sure this is a pre cursor to something else.......!

Up to you Slightly!

This Must go in classics, more so for the pombear announcement grin

Joolyjoolyjoo Thu 11-Nov-10 23:23:36

Hooray! Sounds hilarious! Loving the pom bears- will never look at one the same way again.

I too am starting to like the Chopsies. Do you think they'd come to my house? grin

FunkyCherry Thu 11-Nov-10 23:24:26

Oh God, just realised I put a kiss on the end. How very un-mumsnet. Ah well, makes up for you missing out on a bum pinch tonight!

harecare Thu 11-Nov-10 23:27:21

Ha ha!!!

nbee84 Thu 11-Nov-10 23:27:36

grin grin grin grin grin grin grin

TragicallyHip Thu 11-Nov-10 23:28:38

Love it! They sound hilarious!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 11-Nov-10 23:29:41

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

You had me at "pyramid of olives" personally.

Habbibu Thu 11-Nov-10 23:30:15

Slightly, you absolutely have to namechange now. Oh, I am crying with laughter.

Well done! They sound bonkers. Hahahaha

iamamug Thu 11-Nov-10 23:34:37

Can't stop giggling - wonderful stuff - Got the Royle Family on in the background - snorting everywhere... Thanks x

classydiva Thu 11-Nov-10 23:35:27

Glad it went off without a hitch. Sounds like your OH has a sense of humour!

Funny as! Great report.

Dreya Thu 11-Nov-10 23:42:29

I have been lurking on MN for months and have never posted until now. This thread has had me in hysterics. The pom bear line is classic. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time so thank you!

SirBoobAlot Thu 11-Nov-10 23:46:09

OP you and your husband are wonderful wonderful people grin I have just laughed so hard I cried at "Pom Bear, anyone".

jabberwocky Thu 11-Nov-10 23:48:16

Great report, slightly! Too bad I live across the pond. I would love to have the Chopsies round for dinner grin

AitchTwoOh Thu 11-Nov-10 23:59:49

am shaking with laughter at pom bear anyone, and failing to calculate how i can get this thread into the round up without outing slightlyjaded...

RobynLou Fri 12-Nov-10 00:03:25

absolutely genius!

AmpleBosom Fri 12-Nov-10 00:13:07

I'm one of those annoying people who just come along to the thread at the last minute and read the whole saga from start to finish blush

anyway, what i mean is top thread and loving the pom bear moment grin

fabulous! I snorted out loud!

proudfoot Fri 12-Nov-10 01:01:52

PMSL I was also eager to see how the next instalment would turn out and I wasn't disappointed!

Also dying to know which law firm Mrs B works at although obv understand you can't post such info!

ChippingIn Fri 12-Nov-10 02:05:03

So - were there any twiglets?

Blatherskite Fri 12-Nov-10 07:23:37

Yey, it's in Classics! Brilliant thread

misdee Fri 12-Nov-10 07:23:47

fantastic!! love the 'pom bear anyone?' grin

Guidoinsteadnow Fri 12-Nov-10 07:43:01

Why do i only see the best threads when they're the length of Britain already?? Am def going to read the whole lot later, crying with laughter just from scanning through!

MayorNaze Fri 12-Nov-10 07:55:12

oh how utterly splendid grin

well done OP - i salute you!!

CuckooCuckoo Fri 12-Nov-10 08:04:23

<pops out>

phipps Fri 12-Nov-10 08:05:30

I think I am a little in love with MrSlightlyJaded grin.

You must report back if you see them today.

Brilliant reporting back so far grin.

i think we should all buy a pack of pom bears today to salute mr slightly
brilliant!!! well done slightly.. you did us proud!

MrsChopsy Fri 12-Nov-10 08:10:30

<hysterical unexplained laughter>

Oh god I think I've just recognised the couple in question shock

If so, yes mad as a box of frogs but good natured. She regularly snorts lines of coke before dinner parties which could explain the laughter.

CuckooCuckoo Fri 12-Nov-10 08:21:14

really? Really? REALLY??

CuckooCuckoo Fri 12-Nov-10 08:21:31

Was it "Chopsy" that gave it away?

Yes weirdly and the 'nursery food' thing. He's actually got falsies which he doesn't glue in properly when he's pissed.

It's not you and your DH is it?

share the details

KaraStarbuckThrace Fri 12-Nov-10 08:24:25

Oh this was hilarious thank you!

I had wondered what happened here!

This couple do sound bonkers, but they also sound lovely too

Oh god no. Not us.

AllOverIt Fri 12-Nov-10 08:32:00


grin @ cuckoo

Another one who's just found this thread, read it all in one sitting and laughing like a loon by the end.

Slightly, you (and dh) did a sterling job last night. Amazing work grin

Jux Fri 12-Nov-10 08:49:09

I giggled all through your report - wonderful! "Pom bear anyone?" will live on in my memory forever. Congrats to both of you.

DirtyMartini Fri 12-Nov-10 08:55:32

Whomoved shock

muggglewump Fri 12-Nov-10 08:59:31

Right, who is PomBearAnyone, because it's already taken.

I like the umbrella part the best, how odd.

CandlestickMaker Fri 12-Nov-10 09:14:23


Shaxx Fri 12-Nov-10 09:23:27


misdee Fri 12-Nov-10 09:44:22

whomoved[shock} really? wow

Absolutely bloody hilarious grin

Job well done OP, and your DH deserves a medal!!

whomoved now you need to have a chat with Bonkers 1 & 2 to see if they've been doing anything nice lately. See if they mention the "slightly odd" couple they recently had dinner with wink

No Mr or Mrs B in playground this morning as they are working (presumably?) but Nanny said 'hello' and then their DD said to me 'Can my DD go for tea next week?' and Nanny said she'd speak to Mrs B, so looks like we're in it for the long haul...

Am a bit sad (but honoured) that someone else is PombearAnyone as I woke up quite excited at the thought of a name change. Will have to think of something else grin

Whomoved - do you really! Am now quite scared that we are in danger of outing them.

Slightly, please, please go and stay in the Cornish cottage! Imagine, a whole weekend of antics!

AitchTwoOh Fri 12-Nov-10 09:49:57

hmm, so how CAN i mention this in the round up? i don't want to get you into trub.

vintageteacups Fri 12-Nov-10 09:52:30

Will now have to re-do my mascara as it's running down my face having read the glace cherry bit.

Love it!

I usually panick about dinner parties but no longer! I'm just going to go with the flow.

vintageteacups Fri 12-Nov-10 09:52:54

What if she's a MNetter? There are so many bits she would recognise?

jybay Fri 12-Nov-10 09:53:27

I wouldn't worry about mentioning chopsy - I'm guessing that the turps made them instantly identifiable to anyone who knows them but I'm afraid that's the price of eccentricity wink

AitchTwoOh Fri 12-Nov-10 09:55:19

i have a Cunning Plan.

What are the main identifying features?

- turps can become methylated spirits
- heinz soup --> ena baxter's
- bum pinch --> lip kiss
- chopsy --> cheeky chops
- fungi --> green stuff
- pom bear --> hula hoop
- cuckoo clock --> framed picture of THE BAT
- ice cream with sparkler --> colin the caterpillar cake with candles

They'll never recognise themselves

oooh Aitch do share

AitchTwoOh Fri 12-Nov-10 10:00:37

i think i'll just use pom bear anyone as a code word. like the french resistance gel in allo allo.

Hang on a min
You have people relying on you for their weekly entertainment you know!
Or do you mean next week's?

AitchTwoOh Fri 12-Nov-10 10:07:17

i am doing it right noo. this thread only peaked last night, i must be CURRENT in my news-gathering. you don't want fusty threads, do you?

Aitch don't worry too much. In all honesty, if they are MNers (which I somehow doubt), I am already utterly outed. And if whomoved really does know them as well, the an outing is imminent.

So do your worst. I would be honoured to make round up - it's only on MN right? (potential of fighting top corporate lawyer in defamation case not very appealing emoticom)

Whomoved - where do your bonkers couple live? (roughly)

Ooo first classics, then a codeword and now maybe roundup. Do I need to get a make-over done?

(thinks celeb status may have gone to her head)

No I suppose not, but it's making me nervous...

jybay Fri 12-Nov-10 10:10:54

It's not defamation - we all think they are fantastic! smile

(wonder's if there is a way to get the geographical references deleted)

InGodWeTrust Fri 12-Nov-10 10:14:55

Well done to you! This was hilarious. Ohhh please go on the trip to get to see the animals in their natural habits then!

libEL Fri 12-Nov-10 10:18:04

Have just read entire thread, and ruined my make-up through crying with laughter!

I have come to the conclusion that I would like new friends like Mr and Mrs B grin

I will no longer be able to see Pom Bears without a fit of hysterics, certainly a classic!

It is already in classics

If we did get a Pom Bear emoticom, it could be used for filling awkward silences of diffusing aggressive threads, as in:

OP: I only came here for advice on Fruit Shoots and benefits

Poster: But I am paying for you to have a 96" plamsa and 18 kids!!!!

Nice Poster: <Pom Bear Anyone? emoticom>

This would be the greatest honour of all

OK, starting the campaign

LifeOfKate Fri 12-Nov-10 10:43:25

Brilliant, brilliant thread

I am in full support of a Pom Bear Anyone? emoticon

Fantastic. The Pom Bears killed me. And the irrational hatred of umbrellas. And the cuckoo clock. And the cherries. Brilliant.grin

Next time they come over, you have to play Rihanna's 'Umbrella' on loop. And serve cocktail umbrellas instead of sparklers in your dessert. And affix some decorative ornamental umbrellas to where the cuckoo clock currently is.

Blatherskite Fri 12-Nov-10 10:51:45

Surely the Pom Bear emoticon would be for when someone is being totally mental?

AIBU to want to paint my entire house pink?

<pom bear>


OOOh Rihana Umbrella is genius! Not sure if there will be a next time as all too stressful (although I will have to pick DD up from theirs next week) and I am too cowardly polite to refuse a return invite should one come our way.

To all those who are enjoying this thread, could you please sign StealthPolarBear's campaign for a 'Pom Bear Anyone?' emoticom/smiley. MN will be a richer, happier place for it grin

sign here

i'm amazed nobody's commented on how he went home in his socks!! why didn't he want to put his shoes back on?! ooh, maybe he's got a foot fetish!

Blather you might be right.

Ah good news, cannot be my pair of nutters, as he does not work! Shame really. Perhaps we could introduce my nutters to your nutters?

Eglu Fri 12-Nov-10 11:20:44

This thread is absolutely hilarious, and well deserving of it's place in classics.

Did you do the tiara though?

ToniSoprano Fri 12-Nov-10 11:30:55

Have just had to sit at my desk between colleagues, trying not to let them see me snorting/crying, actually weeping/shoulders shaking.

Oh, God. Your husband's contribution was absolutely priceless!

The silences and abrupt endings to conversation about umbrellas are brilliantly odd.

And the fact that the cuckoo clock went off and no one remarked on it! Love it!

Also loved the answer to why they've got heaps of turps - Oh we've got heaps of everything - hilarious!

I should think you just about wet yourself when your DH came out with that absolute classic line 'Pom Bear Anyone?' WHAT A TOTAL HERO - and especially after him warning you beforehand to behave yourself!

Did you play any Demis Roussos? And yes it is, as we all know, Demis and not as some wag suggested Denis/Dennis!

Bloody marvellous! Have enjoyed so much, has cheered up dull working week.

Miggsie Fri 12-Nov-10 11:45:03

They wrapped a single cherry to take home for the dog...

They have £50 bottles of wine but no cherries?!!!!!

The mind boggles.

I wonder if the husband sucks his thumb in bed and still has his childhood teddy bear?

The morbid fear of umbrellas is really fascinating...oh, for a really top notch psychiatrist!!!!!!!

greygirl Fri 12-Nov-10 11:49:25

fab thread. i will smile all day at work now. (if this is a troll thread it counts as a work of art)

starfishmummy Fri 12-Nov-10 12:16:02

I have spent all morning reading this thread from the start. I now have an overwhelming urge to go and buy a packet of pom bears for lunch. .

Wonderful! I wish my RL was this exciting smile

Hilarious, thank you for the update!

Am very curious as to what Mr B doesn't like about umbrellas though...

'Pom bear anyone?' made me grin.

Are you going to invite them round again?!

RustyBear Fri 12-Nov-10 12:31:17

I should never have started to read this thread in bed at 7 o'clock this morning - almost late for work...

How fabulous!

They sound an utter blast, and fantastically bonkers.

You definately need to go away with them for the weekend.

<Mad disclaimer - my family have lots of bonkers friends who are harmless and hysterical>

Horton Fri 12-Nov-10 13:42:52

Fantastic. Really enjoyed the update, thank you! And your DH offering the pom bears made me laugh and laugh.

Gay40 Fri 12-Nov-10 13:49:24

I would pay seriously good money to attend the next dinner party.

DaftApeth Fri 12-Nov-10 13:49:30

Fantastic work, SlightlyJaded grin

If you get invited to theirs for dinner again, you should take them a jar of glace cherries wink

Jux Fri 12-Nov-10 14:07:28

You must keep up the friendship; they are wonderful!

simonedeboudoir Fri 12-Nov-10 14:26:40

Slightlyjaded as it's clearly your turn next to host, perhaps you might consider inviting us all to come and meet the bonkers people hiring some external caterers? I'm a dab hand with a cheese and pineapple hedgehog. And quite relaxed about having my bottom pinched

simonedeboudoir Fri 12-Nov-10 14:30:35

Oops ignore that blush of course it's their turn. I have been paying attention, honest blush

Longstocking2 Fri 12-Nov-10 15:01:05

I agree with all sides of this, it would surprise me if a couple like that didn't Jamie Oliver it up a tiny bit.

But re Baxters, my sister gave me a bowl of this fab Baxters roast tomato and parmesan....

and it was delicious! Yummier than most homemade soups in me umble opinion. But you don't serve tinned soup to guests you don't know at all well. Not enough effort. Covent Gdn soup is ok though because it is good but home made is better!

We have posh mates who only ever serve us roast vegetable pasta with parmesan and never enough for dh. He's always ravenous when we go so now we eat before we go and after too!!
I always make a massive effort when they come to us, full on fish pie and home made lovely pud awash with cream etc etc. But she is bored by cooking so you take what you're given.

diddl Fri 12-Nov-10 15:06:01

I have only just found this & omg it is hilarious!

They sound abfab & jolly super!

"Chopsy doesn´t do fungus"

I can hardly type through shaking so much with laughing.

Oh I wish I could write a book just to give it that title.

Longstocking2 Fri 12-Nov-10 15:10:07

bum-pinching never ever acceptable though ever.

Ivegotmrbitey Fri 12-Nov-10 15:11:54

OP I think I love you and your husband, please open a guest house!

mollyroger Fri 12-Nov-10 15:38:39

ab fab thread which now leaves me with a bit of a crush on Mr and Mrs Slightlyjaded. You sound like a hoot!

happybubblebrain Fri 12-Nov-10 16:00:31

I think I love them.

Hullygully Fri 12-Nov-10 16:24:07

Jolly good show. Well done.

YohoAhoy Fri 12-Nov-10 16:27:59

THis is marvellous. I want to go to the next dinner party.


RunAwayWife Fri 12-Nov-10 16:38:22


I don't know how I missed this thread. SlightlyJaded - you and your dh are both legends, and I would really love to be your best friend please.

[slightly needy emoticon]

getabloodygrip Fri 12-Nov-10 17:46:33

I know Mr and Mrs B.

At home, he isn't Chopsy. He is Flopsy.


umf Fri 12-Nov-10 18:05:03

Thank you OP!! Laughing so much cx may have started. If defamation case, v happy to contribute to defence fund!

But whatever you do, don't go to Cornwall. We're not worth it.

Gay40 Fri 12-Nov-10 18:12:49

How about you raffle two seats at the next dinner party, raising money for charity and giving two lucky MNetters the experience of a lifetime?

PercyPigPie Fri 12-Nov-10 18:34:29

I've come to the conclusion that this must be a troll who happens to work on the Pom Bear PR account!

You can get cheesy pom bears now - just to add to the glamour. You may want to bear it in mind....

Obviously the next step is to re-create bonkers dinner party on Come Dine with Me. Lets all apply and whoever gets on does the bum pinch/macaroni special.

FairyFay Fri 12-Nov-10 18:45:49

PMSL at this thread

Sitdownandstopwhining Fri 12-Nov-10 18:53:48

Slightlyjaded - Genius. That's all there is for it.