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A Mumsnet Campaign on Rape and Sexual Violence

(128 Posts)
StewieGriffinsMom Fri 21-Oct-11 21:15:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhollyGhost Mon 24-Oct-11 09:15:11

Yes please

EllaDee Mon 24-Oct-11 09:57:44

This is really great.

I love 'I believe you' too.

FromGirders Mon 24-Oct-11 09:59:48

Yes please.

I would be 100% behind an "I Believe You" campaign.

I would also be 100% behind a campaign to explode / disprove / expose rape myths.

While i have been very lucky in my (possibly very sheltered) life not to have met sexual violence or abuse, my life has been curtailed in the past by the widespread belief in rape myths. I want to live in a society where my actions or those of my daughter / friends / her friends are not perceived as inviting assault.

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 24-Oct-11 10:29:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tooearlymustdache Mon 24-Oct-11 10:33:02

Has this thread been reported to MNHQ yet? So they can read it?

It's a fabulous idea and one that i would be very upset if MNHQ refused to support.

thanks for starting this thread

TeWihara Mon 24-Oct-11 10:48:55

Not wishing to distract anyone, but could somebody look at this thread, the response is a bit... well www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1327571-To-Think-No-one-Enjoys-Sex-The-1st-Time?msgid=28093448

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 24-Oct-11 11:10:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

animula Mon 24-Oct-11 11:27:51

TeWihara - I looked in on it, andI think you're right about the juxtaposition with the thread about 'recognising' sexual assault (and rape) long after the event and this one, about the need to raise awareness - and support - around rape/sexual assault/bodily boundaries for women - especially young women, it would seem.

I don't know what to say about that thread. It seems so clear to me that it is a case of rape/assault - but I doubt the OP has ever been supported in articulating it as such. I don't even know if I should type that here.

Am feeling very, very grim, atm. I do think SexEd in schools should go hand in hand with a huge does of feminist discourse about sexualised societies whose 'sexualisation' is firmly grounded on anti-woman axioms. But I can't see that happening. sad

animula Mon 24-Oct-11 11:51:56

By the way, I think you have a serious point, SGM, so I'm adding my post to this thread. smile

TeWihara Mon 24-Oct-11 12:19:29

Thanks animula (and everyone else!) hope the OP gets to see some of the sensible replies.

Prolesworth Mon 24-Oct-11 15:17:51

I support this suggestion, well done for starting this thread SGM smile

When this idea was discussed last year we did get as far as registering the domain stoprape.co.uk which is still sitting there unused. I'd be happy to sign it over to MN to use for this campaign if they want it.

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 24-Oct-11 16:12:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeninGrad Mon 24-Oct-11 16:19:21

Adding my support to this. I don't think it would be easy, there is a huge amount of opinion to sway but everything has to start somewhere and if just a few people stop to examine their thought processes that would help.

I'm so sick of all the 'women, change your behaviour' messages too. Just simply being believed would be a start. I can think of loads of ways to get the message out there but it would need an org with clout to back it, if not MN then one of the others or a combined effort.

We need to shift the focus, we are so often on the back foot and get into arguments about stats/ degrees of rape/ women lying etc, it's utterly ridiculous, women and their experiences get completely lost in all this as the focus shifts. This would be positive and supportive and effective I think.

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead Mon 24-Oct-11 16:26:33

The trouble we're going to have though, is that women like to believe there is something they can do to prevent it happening to them. That they wont be raped if they dont walk down dark alleys, or drink too much, or wear high heels...

As true as it is, a "theres actually no way to prevent rape, but we will believe you afterwards, when you tell us it happened" campaign probably isnt going to go down well... sad

(thinking out loud, sorry if its upsetting for anyone)

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 24-Oct-11 17:00:14

it's not upsetting BLOTLD, the wording of such a campaign does have to be very, very carefully formulated

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead Mon 24-Oct-11 17:08:15

Phew, am glad that didnt come out wrong!
I'm just thinking that its all well and good saying "rape myths need to be busted" but that the alternative (if that is - theres not really anything you can do) is probably a bit too scary for people to want to think about?

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 24-Oct-11 17:13:32

that is why there is so much resistance to it

challenging people's ideas that they are "safe" if they merely do X,Y or Z is a very scary thought, and they may resist it to the bitter end

as evidenced all over these boards

otherwise-perfectly sensible posters just have a brick wall come up before their very eyes when you question their beliefs

how to chip away at that is the conumdrum

TeWihara Mon 24-Oct-11 17:29:15

I agree that it is hugely difficult.

Important too not to give anything for distractors to jump on, because then the message gets derailed before anyone has heard you.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly Mon 24-Oct-11 17:40:34

I think it would be helpful to concentrate on what is rape - that all non consensual sex is rape. Then, even if you can't avoid it, you can recognise a rapist (or potential rapist) when confronted with one and when it happens to you.

Rather than apologising for your partner, colleague, boss, snog etc you know it is rape and not your fault.

Maybe that would be a good tag line "It's Not Your Fault", or "It's Never Your Fault"?

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly Mon 24-Oct-11 17:46:04

Sorry - think the "I Believe You" heading is great , just trying to address the issues raised in the last couple of posts

Wooooooooooooooppity Mon 24-Oct-11 18:19:39

I like "I believe you"

But there's one thing I don't like - it's still talking to the victims of rape, not the potential perpetrators.

I would like a campaign that tells boys and men, that if they have sex with a woman and they're not sure she wants that sex, then they may well be raping her, alongside the campaign that tells women they are believed.

No normal man wants to think of himself as a rapist or a potential rapist. We need to be talking to men about rape more than women. Because they're the only ones who can stop it.

"Men can stop rape" is a good slogan but I don't think society is ready for it yet. It's still a revolutionary concept. Men (and women) need to get used to the idea that rape is not normally dragging a woman you've never met before down a dark alley and raping her, it's usually forcing or coercing a woman into having sex she doesn't want. Getting society to accept that, is going to take a long time.

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 24-Oct-11 18:32:45

Yes, I like it, I like it all

It's gotta be impenetrable by the detractors and the derailers though, you know ?

animula Mon 24-Oct-11 19:15:51

I can see where you're going with that thought, Woooopity. Actually, after having read some threads today ( sad ) I've realised I am more determined than ever to have a few conversations with my son (I have a son and a daughter).

In a culture, some aspects of which are just profoundly woman-hating, I just cannot afford to leave it to that culture to teach respect for women and others.

That is not to hand over an excuse ("Oh, I didn't realise ..." !) it's just to acknowledge the enormity of what is faced.

KouklaWhooooo Tue 25-Oct-11 10:09:05

I totally support this campaign and I love the 'I believe you' idea - it's perfect.

ElephantsAndMiasmas Tue 25-Oct-11 11:06:54

Excellent idea, let's do it.

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