How are 'The Twins'?

(49 Posts)
Diamondsareagirls Sat 19-Jul-14 21:55:04

Does anyone else get annoyed/irritated at people who mainly refer to your children as 'The Twins' instead of using their names? It is really getting on my nerves and I always reply with their names and tell them something different about each of them as, well, they're different people! Am I being silly or does anyone else find this annoying?

strawberrie Sat 19-Jul-14 21:56:38

My close friend has twins and this bothers her too. I have always referred to them by name, or occasionally 'the kids' in texts and the like. I notice in Topsy and Tim everyone seems to call them the twins!

Diamondsareagirls Sat 19-Jul-14 22:08:10

Referring to them as 'the kids' or 'the babies' doesn't bother me at all. I'm not sure why; I think it is just something about the suggestion that they only come as a pair that annoys me!

poorbuthappy Sat 19-Jul-14 22:13:38

I am guilty of this.
My twins hate bring called twins but I usually can't get my brain to catch up with my mouth in time to say the right name.
It's awful hmm

If they were different ages it would be 'the children', 'the boys' or 'the girls'.

mummy1973 Sat 19-Jul-14 22:19:58

Diamonds - presumably they are still babies? As they get older and people see their individual personalities it may lessen. Try not to be annoyed...they are after all interested to ask after them. (I would answer the same way you do.)

Yes I noticed that in Topsy and Tim, it's strange, with singletons you wouldn't say come along now brothers /sisters / siblings. Even my Dts were like hmm why don't they use their names ?
Occasionally people will ask me how my twins are, most people just say the boys / kids/ children.
It doesn't really bother me tbh, I know there is a lot of evidence out there that shows it isn't healthy to always call them the twins, which is why we haven't done it, but I don't think it matters on the odd occasion.
I always refer to them as the Dts on here though, does that make me a hypocrite ?

Yup. It's shorthand...don't take offence smile. Are they identical? Sometimes people do this if they can't tell them apart. I have two boys (not twins) and I don't think it's any different than people calling them 'the boys'. I do it myself because it's just easier to refer to them that way in many scenarios.

GiniCooper Sat 19-Jul-14 22:25:39

But they are twins. They are individuals obviously but they are also twins.

RudyMentary Sat 19-Jul-14 22:25:52

I hate it too.

Redcoats Sat 19-Jul-14 22:30:32

It's annoys me a lot. I don't mind 'the kids' but never ever 'the twins'.
DH's auntie does it all the time. At Christmas my two were at in with their cousins at her house party. She said 'cousin x would you like a drink, orange or apple?' 'Cousin y, orange or apple?' Then to me 'would the twins like orange or apple?' A. You know their names and which one is which b they're 11 they can answer for themselves c. They like different things! She's very lovely and kind to us all, but I wanted to throttle her.

Diamondsareagirls Sat 19-Jul-14 22:47:34

I know it's not the end of the world I know but I feel like I am trying to avoid them being lumped together as one package! It is only with close family and friends that I feel frustrated as they know their names!
They are not identical; I have a boy and girl so it really isn't a case of not knowing who is who.

PotOfYoghurt Sat 19-Jul-14 22:54:37

It annoys me, and I'm a twin. Being at high school and constantly referred to as 'the twins' instead of our names always seemed so impersonal and as if we didn't have identities separate to that of being twins.

2014TwinMummy Sat 19-Jul-14 23:06:58

I realise my username on here might make it seem hypocritical that I get annoyed by this too (MN seem to have tightened guidelines and would not allow my numerous attempts at being called anything else I tried - lack of inspiration on my part!). I too try to refer to them by name or often as 'the babies'. MIL recently sent a card to us, DS (insert name) and 'the twins'. May start sending everything to 'The Grandparents' but suspect she won't take the hint! People don't mean to offend though and it is nice that they are showing interest. Since having twins, I think I find it more annoying that people can't seem to think of anything else to ask me about!

Artandco Sat 19-Jul-14 23:10:08

I think it's ok. I always call my children ' the boys', even though x2 different ages. Obv name if only one, but usually they do or have done everything together as close in age so similar things appeal

ElephantsNeverForgive Sat 19-Jul-14 23:12:41

DF has twins and she always insists on the girls or their names, not the twins.

Totally pointless as they are simply referred to A&B* in a single breath and still thought of and invited to things as a single entirety.

*names changed to protect two lovely girls, but think Arabbella and Bethany and you get why DD took to shortening it.

cannotbebloodyarsed Sat 19-Jul-14 23:17:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RudyMentary Sat 19-Jul-14 23:19:27

Am I right in thinking the posters saying it's ok either actually don't have twins or aren't a twin themselves?

RudyMentary Sat 19-Jul-14 23:20:54

Except cannot obviously grin

RudyMentary Sat 19-Jul-14 23:23:34

...... whom, I assume, only has twins.

goofygoober Sat 19-Jul-14 23:31:24

I don't like 'the twins', I am an ID twin, and have ID twins. For this reason, I've always encouraged people to use their given names. I must admit, I do call them 'the hunks', but they don't really mind grin

cannotbebloodyarsed Sat 19-Jul-14 23:40:41

Yes Rudy I only have twins. T'was such a bloomin shock that the DH was dispensed to the hospital for THE SNIP to stop it happening again grin

Redglitter Sat 19-Jul-14 23:42:59

I'm not a twin but my best friend for the past 30 years has the same name as me

we spent our school/teenage years as

The redglitters
The 2 redglitters
or Redglitter & the other Redglitter

some people didn't even know which was which. Drove us nuts

hoppingmad Sat 19-Jul-14 23:46:15

I have twins and older dc's. I don't find it offensive or annoying. It's succinct. They are boy/girl twins so can't say the girls or the boys and to be honest I don't see how identifying them by gender would be any different to identifying them by d.o.b

I don't have any desire to be so easily annoyed confused

redspottydress Sun 20-Jul-14 00:08:51

I have twins. I have no issue whatsoever with them being called the twins. I honestly don't see it as any different to calling them the boys or the children.

chutneypig Sun 20-Jul-14 00:15:00

I have twins too, it doesn't bother me at all. I probably equally often refer to them as the twins/ children/ their names/offspring. I find people only tend to refer to them as the twins in the context where they'd ask how my children are.

I don't like them being called the 'the twins' but I have never got annoyed about it, seems too trivial to me.

I always refer to them by their names or as 'the girls' and as a result so do friends and family now. I cant remember the last time they were called 'the twins'

AlpacaLypse Sun 20-Jul-14 12:50:01

I was a bit grumpy about it in the very early years. I was a bit PFB about them full stop tbh grin! However the family and close friends were mostly very good about remembering to use their names, or referring to them as 'the girls' or 'the children', and only more distant acquaintances tended to use 'the twins'. Like many parents of multiple birth children I was always very worried that they'd have difficulty finding their own identities. However they seem to have had no problem doing so (now aged 15).

Diamondsareagirls Sun 20-Jul-14 12:55:17

Haha! I think some people are slightly over reacting to my post. I am aware they are twins. The thought occurred to me when I gave birth to them one after another. This isn't something that keeps me awake at night I was just interested to hear other people's thoughts...

Cannot I think my children are a blessing in every possible way. Does having them mean I am not allowed to pass comment on anything negative ever again? I think mumsnet might be less popular if this is a new rule...

Twicethehugs Sun 20-Jul-14 14:43:32

I don't mind but they're only 17 months. I think it would bother me if they were older and always referred to as 'the twins'. Likewise with people not being able to tell them apart - they're identical so it's not that surprising and I know I've struggled in the past telling I'd twins apart!

deadwitchproject Sun 20-Jul-14 14:50:26

My DH gets more annoyed about this than I do. We never refer to them as "the twins" and always respond with their names (fraternal boys). Most friends and family refer to them as "the boys".

Preciousbabies Sun 20-Jul-14 21:41:19

Sorry, I have b/g twins and personally never call them twins as I don't like it. When other people refer to them as "the twins" , I try to ignore them as these people aren't with us all the time and I don't see the point of making a big deal out of it. Mine are 18m and I have always called them "the babies". Not quite sure what I'm going to call them now!!

stinkypants Mon 21-Jul-14 08:08:25

I have 2 boys - not twins- who we all refer to as "the boys". I'm expecting twin boys now! So I imagine we'll definitely refer to them as the twins but not sure what we'll call the older boys! Or maybe it will be the big boys and the little boys. ..

Portia4 Mon 21-Jul-14 08:13:16

I have 3 girls and and am often asked how 'the girls' are, it doesn't bother me at all.

RudyMentary Mon 21-Jul-14 19:41:55

'the girls'
That's not 'the twins'

stinkypants Mon 21-Jul-14 22:30:23

It is a collective noun which accurately describes what they are. I agree that it would be wrong to always refer to them as a pair, but see no problem with using it when you are discussing them both, e.g. What time are we collecting the twins from grandma's? If asking how they are I would expect to discuss each one individually.

RudyMentary Mon 21-Jul-14 22:42:59

I have 3 boys and 1 girl. Twins are B/G

The boys and <<DDname>> is ok
<<DS1name>> <<DS2name>> and 'the twins' is not ok.

See - there's a difference.

Pinotgrigioplease Mon 21-Jul-14 22:45:31

But why stinkypants?

Sorry if I am being dim but why is "the twins" when asking about both worse than "the boys" which is also asking about them both together?

ElephantsNeverForgive Tue 22-Jul-14 09:20:06

I really don't know, but in the mind of twins parents it seems to be.

Most mixed age siblings (certainly same sex ones) often do/get invited to things together, especially when they are small. I really don't see what the fuss is about.

slightlyinsane Tue 22-Jul-14 13:17:50

At the moment I don't mind it, we have the girls (dd1&2) the boy and the twins. It's the way we distinguish who we're talking about there's that many. What is really annoying me is the stupid number of people who tell me I must have my hands full now. I need to think of some witty comebacks.

stinkypants Wed 23-Jul-14 21:40:43

Sorry for delay - I just meant that if someone asked how the twins were I would reply with something about each one rather than talking about them as two halves of a whole. I guess I'm thinking about potential issues I've heard about where they are treated as 'one', such as being sent a shared birthday card.

weatherall Wed 23-Jul-14 21:44:13

I think if they were one sex you would get 'how are the boys/girls'.

Minisoksmakehardwork Sat 26-Jul-14 07:58:50

I refer to our dts as 'the twins'. They are g/b twins and so far apart from each other - one blonde, the other dark - that unless you know us or ask, you would not assume they were twins.

It is as important to me that they and others know they are twin siblings as it is for other twin parents to have their twins identified individually.

Diamondsareagirls Sat 26-Jul-14 09:40:34

Minisoks that's really interesting that you feel that way. Mine are only little but they look as though they are going to be different in hair and eye colour so maybe I will feel like that in the future. Very mixed response from everyone. Nice to know how others feel.

I don't have twins so I don't know obviously, but I have DD and DS1 close in age, then toddler DS2 - they are "the kids" collectively, DD by name and "the boys", or (most frequently) "The Big Kids" plus DS2 by name.

Once you have more than one child, they will inevitably be refered to by a collective noun though I am one of several sisters and hated it ehen my mother shrieked "Girls!" at us to call us indoors etc.

Minisoksmakehardwork Mon 28-Jul-14 11:05:39

It was something I felt quite strongly about from finding out I was expecting twins, and then that they were girl and boy. I've also two older dc, another girl and boy. So they do get variously referred to as the bigs/smalls, girls, boys, twins and kids.

I do still talk about them as individuals too. But yes, it really is important that the twin identity is as prevalent as their individual.

toomuchtooold Thu 31-Jul-14 14:08:12

I have twins and don't like it either. Fine if I had other kids to distinguish them from but there are only two if them and it just sounds a bit as though the speaker thinks of them as a unit. No big deal, doesn't worry me.particularly but still prefer to hear their names, or the girls, or something.

MultipleMama Sat 02-Aug-14 04:38:14

When refering to both I say the twins/boys but when talking about a specific twin I use their name. It's easier and doesn't offend me when others do it.

When people ask "how're the twins?" I say they're fine and just add a little something about a twin if I felt like sharing sort of like; "they're fine but A just got over a cold."

They're only 20 months old and 10 months old though, I'm sure it'll be the same when they're older when people talk to me but by then people will be addressing them themselves and will have no need to ask me when the boys or twind are present... I also use the boys a lot, mainly because I have 2 sets of twins and it's easier to differentiate them.

When talking to them I use their names when talking to others it's "the twins" (being my DCDA set) and "the boys" (my ID boys).

MabelBee Sat 02-Aug-14 05:53:40

Right from the beginning we have steered family and friends away from calling our girls the twins. It's not just an easy collective noun to use, in my opinion. It's a small step towards not treating them as individuals and, I think, sounds twee and ridiculous coming out of anyone's mouth! We do tell them they are twins and that it is special. But we don't define them by it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now