hiya,

I know exactly where you are coming from. We planned on one and at the scan found out we had three! (we have natural triplets in our family), hubby was so happy, but I felt like my life had ended!

But you know, my girls are now 6 and they are my angels. Bringing up twins in the early years - up to say 1.5 years is hard, but if you get a routine, life it much easier.

Having multiples is an experience of a life time, there are soo many positives:

1) you only have to be preganant once for a family

2)you only have to do each stage once - potty training, teething etc

3) by the age of 2 or 3 you are not needed anymore because they not only have a best friend but there own built in helper!

4)your singleton friends may be getting it easy in the early days, but let me tell you, when they get to 2 + that is when twins come into their own, and you can sit and talk and watch your friends run around and have to be sole playmate to their offspring!! Singleton mums actually have a harder time I believe and then have to go through it twice if they want another child.

4)most of all - you get double the love!

I know there is double the cost etc, etc, but the effort you put in will pay off.

If you invest in the early years by using routines for bed and rules, you will find your family a breeze!

Funny enough, someone asked me if I would have anymore (as I have girls - identical), and they asked would I want 1 or 3.

Guess what my answer was? I know nothing about looking after one child, give me another set of multiples, any day!

You have been blessed...really you have.

If I had £1 for every woman who has come up to me and said 'I always wanted twins or more' I would be a rich woman!!!

xxxxxxxxxx

I really feel for you but please check out all of your options that other posters have mentioned before making any final decisions.

I had a temination years ago when I thought I was too young to cope with kids and it broke my heart afterwards when I saw a friend from school with her young baby.

I went on to have a DD (now11) and a DS (now7) and they made up for some of the pain.
Then when DS1 was 16mths I fell pregnant again this time with twins. I cried my heart out at the scan cos we had just got our head around fitting in a third baby. But I couldn`t contemplate having another termination.
My twins are soon to be 6 and yes times have been tough physically, mentally and financially but we have coped and all are doing well. The first thing my mum said when I told her was expecting twins was "how are you going to cope?" I didn`t know at the time but I have. Day time feeds were done together as were night feeds. They were dressed at the same time and put down for naps at the same time. This gave me a well earned rest and time with DS1 who was just 2 when they were born. They slept in the same bed from the time they were born (the hospital gave me a larger cot for them) until they were 8 mths old and then they shared a room until they were 2.5 at which time we swapped and put the boys in together. Even then I used to find that DT2 had often crept into bed with DT1.
In many ways I found twins alot easier than one child, they are great company for each other and apart from totally trashing the bedroom and bathroom on occasions they have been great. I wouldn`t change my kids for the world and now they are all at school life is getting even easier in many respects.

My best help and greatest challenge was to be organised about everything.

Just remember that above all else you are not your mum and your babies are not your siblings. Their problems stem from the way they were brought up and if you have anything to do with it there is no reason why history should repeat itself.

Good luck and I hope it all works out well for you.

My DD was 2 when I found out I was pg with twins. They actually came home from special care on her 3rd birthday. Yes it was hell for the first year. I cried for a week after the scan when they told me I was pregnant with the twins. I thought about abortion but couldn't do it as they were planned. I also had very dark thoughts in the first few months which I can hardly admit to myself.

But my boys are lovely. Although they are hard work they have added so much to our family. My DD is very behind with reading too, nothing to do with reading with her as I've read with her alot but she doesn't get it. She's now 7 and they are testing for dyslexia in January.

It's not easy but it does get easier. My boys are now in reception and have a best friend. In some ways they are so much easier than my DD.

Just another point, I thought having one this time (have no 5 aged nearly one) would be great as with the twins, I was so busy couldn't really 'enjoy' it but turns out DS has severe reflux and is far harder than the twins together!!What we picture being better or easier isn't always!!

Hi I have twins, had a 3 and 5 year old when they came along. It is double the joy but can be alot of work, but you cope. When they are abit older they are easier as they entertain each other. It's an amazing experience.

I have a friend who is a lone mum, she had 3 kids in a 2 bed flat and found out was expecing twins! She booked a termination but changed her mind on the table!! She seems very happy now and eventually got sorted a bigger house etc.

I don't think you're wrong for considering what you're thinking about -and yes I have twins and another child. I think perhaps you were hasty in trying to conceive another child when you have found it tough with your existing 3. My eldest has special needs and there's 2 yrs between him and the twins- if I fell accidently pregnant now I wouldn't go through with it- it wouldn't happen though. It was 2 yrs or so of grim head down getting on with it and I don't think the twins suffered, but I know my eldest did. His life is enriched by his siblings now, but you already have 3.
I for one won't judge you and it sounds like you're being hard enough on yourself. Do focus on your other children getting help now.

FarTooMany - I had twins when my DD was 5 and I've said so many times, why me? I am not the sort of person who should have had them! Like things to be ordered, to have a clean house, like to look nice myself etc, and all that is practically impossible with twins but I figured I will have plenty of time on my hands for that when they've all left home!

I actually had a termination at 6 weeks when my DTs were 3 years old as I could not have handled having any more and I bitterly regret that now it was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. I went into it feeling relief with my decision but it hit me hard later. I am not saying you will feel like this at all of course.

It is so hard to take the decision to have a termination when you already have children as you are constantly looking at them wondering whether the one you terminated would be like them and I also feel that I took something away from my DCs as well. It creates a lot of guilt.

It is overwhelming. I wish you well with your decision.

I feel it takes more guts to admit that you don't have it in you and step back, the easy thing I guess would be to go ahead and see how we get on but there are 7 people involved here who could all potentially get hurt, I don't want my marriage to break up, my older kids to suffer or even these babies to be short changed.
The truth is if I miscarried I'd be so relieved and that for me is the deciding factor. I don't want to struggle, I'd so looked forward to having this one at home with me whilst the others were at school, I had 3 under 4 and yes we survived but I don't want to survive I wanted to enjoy it
I shall look forward to the Grandchildren now.

argh reading my post back i hope i didnt sound too harsh. I really do feel for you it's such a scary place to be in. Just take as long as you need to come to the right decision. How would you be feeling if it was just one? Would you be over the moon or still terrified of the impact on your other three? Twins are hard. But i am also immensely proud to have them.

Thank you for your posts - I won't be having another try - imagine if I got twins again and there's nothing to say I wouldn't.
I was walking around mamas and papas today picking up baby grows, pushing prams and in previous pregnancies I'd be giddy with excitement but I'm just not feeling it at all
It'll take at least a week to organise I'd imagine, so I'm going to get the ball rolling and see how that feels.