midwife has said something that i cant get out of my mind...

[aprilgirl1]

hi im 20 weeks preg with id twins and had to go to a twins parenting class last week which i found really useful but i cant get something my midwife said to us out of my mind..... she said " unfortunatly because you are pregnant with twins does not always mean that you will come home with 2 babies you must know this as part of a twin pregnancy" well ever since i have felt nervous and cant get this statement out of my head...

my midwife is great and i really like her shes won midwife of the year several times and im confident with her, so i know shes not just a negative or nasty person but i cannot get this statement to go away out of my head!!

any reassurance?????

xxxxxxx

[Yurtgirl]

I know nothing about twin pregnancy and births but am really really she said that!!!!

Surely as long as you are having a healthy pregnancy every thing should be fine

[CeilingCat]

april - It doesn;t seem like a very helpful thing to have said. It's not as if you can do anything about it, anymore than a woman with a singleton pregnancy can guarantee that she will come home with a baby.

I would have thought that the fact that you;'re 20 weeks pg is a Very Good Thing. (Most problems occur earlier on).

I'm sure sciencey / doctory MNers will be along shortly with more reassuring stats.

[lulumama]

hi aprilgirl1, i am sure that she was trying to say there might be more risks with multiple births, but said it very, very , very badly. if i were you , i would say something to her at the next class, it might be one of her standard lines and she does not realise the impact it has on mothers to be. am sorry you hvae been so worried by this.

[nelliesmum]

If you have got to twenty weeks I'd say the odds were extremely good that you were going to come home with 2 babies. I would call her up on Monday and ask her exactly what she meant...I can't believe that a responsible midwife would say such a thing and mean it like it sounds.
Don't let such a silly remark spoil things for you, you have been blessed.

[katwith3kittens]

Gosh I'm a bit shocked she said that !

How inconsiderate.

[aprilgirl1]

shes south african and i dont think she has meant it the way it sounded, as you say quite badly worded its just got me worried sick! x

[SmugColditz]

I'm sure she was trying to say that they may be early, and therefore have to stay in a little while, and this does seem to be part and parcel of twins,. I'm sure she didn't mean anything sinister, just didn't think.

[lilyloo]

april might be worth mentioning to her next time how worried you have been by what she has said , might make her rethink how she phrases it.

[aprilgirl1]

my friens is a nurse and i called her and she said that now the nospital have to tell you every possiblity that could happen, but its horrible to think of x

[nelliesmum]

Please try not to be worried, it won't help the babies. Multiple births are more risky, theres a good chance that you will have your babies before 40 weeks (about 36 to 38 weeks seems normal) , but you've done the dangerous bit (first trimester)and if they're both healthy and growing like they ought to, then the odds are VERY strongly in your favour. I wish I knew what they were, birth statistics are generally very reassuring these days. Is this your first pregnancy, I'm guessing that it is.

[aprilgirl1]

no second pregnancy already have ds 19 months x

[glamourbadger]

I guess she was just trying to say that a multiple pregnancy is a higher risk, though not exactly the kindest way of saying it (especially to a pregnant woman!).

It's hard not to get caught up with statistics - my twins were premature and I strung myself out with percentages of survival chances, etc. At the end of the day you have to stay positive and just take things as they come. No need to worry unnecessarily about something which is highly unlikely to happen

[aprilgirl1]

thank u evryone x

[Flo23]

Agree with SC.

What I'm sure she meant was that your pregnancy may not go to full term as is more likely to happen with twins. One or both of them may need to be in hospital for longer than you do, so you may initially go home with one before the other. But of course you may not, and both could be just fine to come home with you as soon as you are ready.

I'm sure your midwife would be mortified to think that she has caused you this concern, so don't worry and good luck!

[Flo23]

Sorry, slow typer

[nelliesmum]

Perfect age gap then, he must be excited... Focus on that kind of stuff...and do speak again to your mid-wife, she really has some explaining to do...midwife of the year or not!

[nelliesmum]

I work in Risk Management..I like statistics.

[sazzlesb]

I can't believe she said that to you - totally unnecessary. I think we all know there are greater risks associated with multiple births, but best not to dwell on them - what can you do? To be honest with you, in retrospect, I'm really glad that I didnt know as much as I do now about those risks before I had my twins (which just to reassure you was a fantastically easy pregnancy and delivery). Would advise not to read up too much - there's a lot of scare-mongering in my opinion.

[aprilgirl1]

spoke to midwife and explained that id been reaally upset about what she'd said she did reassure me but said that she needed to tell me all curcumstances related with multiples! she said she didnt want to scare me but with twins there are no guarantees ???? im crapping myself if im honest and am obssessed with feeling them kick sure i can only feel one! feell ike am waiting for something to go wrong.... 22 weeks now so apparently im over the danger of twin to twin????? but she said we just need to keep these bbies in til 30 weeks nd we can start to relax??? wish i had them in my arms now xx

[blueshoes]

" but she said we just need to keep these bbies in til 30 weeks nd we can start to relax???"

What? Like it is your choice?

She sounds totally insensitive. It is one thing to mention the risks, but she is rubbing it in your face TWICE. Can you change midwives? I am tempted to speak to her supervisor or write a complaint - but that is the sort of thing I do. Surely midwives must understand the hormonal state of the women they see enough to know that they have to be careful how they phrase things.

[Timesofhope]

April, I would try to change midwives if I were you, I would be totally freaking out if my doctor said that to me. Obviously those of us having multiples KNOW that it is high risk and things can go wrong and we don't need to be reminded of that fact!!

I'm only 16 weeks pregnant myself but already worrying about whether i'll be coming home with all three - its natural to worry I think - i'm so shocked that a midwife would be so blunt about it.

[SlightlyMadSweet]

April...you MW is using unneccessary language IMO.

Yes there are greater risks with multiples and the risks are actually greater in the last trimester contrary to whats been said on this thread. The sorts of risks I am talking about are increased risk of anemia, gestational diabetes, increased risk of pre eclampsia, increased risk of premature birth.....but that is why you are having (hopefully) more antenatal care. Also although you are higher risk that a singleton there is still a greater chance that you won't get any of those than the risk that you will IYSWIM. SHe needs to put it into context.

Also you are NOT over the danger of twin to twin transfusion syndorme (TTTS) either. Admittedly - if you do suffer from it the later it is detected the less serious it is so you are over risk of having serious TTTS - but you may still have it, and it may be detected later. I assume your twins are identical and sharing a placenta otherwise the risk of TTTS is zero?

I had my DTDs at 27 weeks. Yes they were in hospital for longer than I would have liked but they survived and there is absoltely nothing wrong with them and they are now 7.

The language she is using is wrong. She needs to put it into context. As I have said above you are more likely to have a normal pregnancy and go to a sensibble gestation and come home with 2 beautiful babies than you are to suffer complications. Just remember that and try and be happy.

[SlightlyMadSweet]

[MarsLady]

I'm sorry but there are ways and ways of speaking. She might have won MW of the Year but I bet she didn't get "Cause the least amount of anxiety in a pregnant woman" Of the Year!

Outrageous! No matter what her thoughts on presenting you with the full "facts" she should have registered your concern and instead of being defensive should have simply apologised. I think it's appalling that someone who works with people doesn't have a clue how to speak to them. I'd change mws myself. Oh and my DTs were born at 36wks and I've attended twin births that have been lovely and close to term (40 weeks)