Does anyone have twins in separate secondary schools?

[sandyballs]

This sound rather premature as my girls are only in year 2, but I have just returned from a parents evening. DD1 is 'average' for her age/year group and DD2 is working at year 4 level. DD2's teacher started going on about grammar schools but I really hate the idea of putting the girls in different secondary schools.

I know they still have 4 years to go and things may change, but I just wondered if anyone had experience of this and how it has worked. They are in different classes at primary school but they still all know each others friends and teachers and they spend so much time at home chatting about school, that I imagine them losing that closeness if they went to separate ones.

[sandyballs]

Anyone?

[sandyballs]

bump

[CarGirl]

I can see advantages and disadvantages to seperating them. Of course in areas where their are no grammer schools (like here and where I grew up) that option doesn't exist.

[SlightlyMadSweet]

I don't think I could seperate mine - especially if one was a superior school.
I would feel guilty about not giving htem the same opportunities...academically and extra-curricularly.

FOr example how would you feel (and deal with) if the grammer school twin had hte opportunity to go skiing in the Rockies but the state school twin got a day trip in France??? I know that is an extreme example but it is going to happen with all sorts of things....instrument tuiition, after school clubs, sports clubs (and how far they will travel to play sport), day trips.....

[Idobelieveinfairies]

My oldest twins are only in year 2 too, they are in the same class (1 class per year group) and sit on the same table. Was fine up until recently but found the more 'confident' twin was doing the 'lazier' twins work , so would prefer them to be seperated into seperate classes (if it were possible).

But as for secondary schools...i THINK i would prefer mine to be at the same school. Really they would be at the age where you can ask their opinions. I would be worried that the twin that was average would be upset by the other twin being at a different school. Do you know what i mean?...as if he/she wasn't quite good enough.

We are not on mainland UK (if that is where you are)so not sure how schools work there. But here there is a chance for a place at another school if you have certain grades in year 9, if you pass then you can transfer to it. So basically it is for the children that enjoy and find work easier than others. My DD had the chance to go but decided to stay where she is. I think if they are going to excel at things they can usually do it anywhere.....but as i say, its probably different where you are.

probably haven;t helped you at all...me rambling on...lol

[sandyballs]

Thanks very much for your replies, that is helpful. I hadn't even thought about school trips, extra curricular stuff.

Part of me is hoping either DD2 will slow down slightly academically or DD1 will speed up. Unlikely I think though.

[Angel2008]

Hi Sandy

I don't have any children but I have a younger brother and sister who are twins. My sister is academic and got into a private secondary school and went on to Uni, my brother is not and only got one or two GCSEs at a state school before leaving the education system. My parents have always treated all of us equally and pushed us to do our best but my brother was just not as academic, and would not have been happy trying to follow the same path as my sister. In the same way, I think it would have been so unfair to deny my sister these opportunities because her brother had a different set of skills to her. So, personally, I don't see the benefit in not treating twins as individuals. I think you should do what is best for DD1 and I think you should do what is best for DD2 - and I don't think this necessarily has to be the same thing . My brother and sister are 27 now and are very different but equally happy individuals!

Also, I don't think you can make these kinds of life-altering decisions (sorry if that sounds a bit dramatic LOL ) based on how close you want them to be as surely that is up to them. If they get on and enjoy spending time with each other they will grow up to be close, if they turn out to be complete opposites they may not be. But I think the point is to make sure they are both happy in themselves and that they both feel that you are doing the right thing for them each.

Anyway, good luck, twins are hard work, I have a load of twin stories from my childhood!

[sandyballs]

Thanks angel, that's interesting to hear your perspective. I do feel it's penalising DD2 to stop her going if she's capable of getting in and wants to go. They should be treated as individuals. I suppose if they were normal siblings in this situation then it wouldn't even been discussed, but seems different with twins.

I don't want DD1 to feel inferior in any way. I'm purposely not telling MIL any detail of their parents evening because of this.

[Angel2008]

It's difficult .. I don't envy you! With my brother he didn't feel inferior as they were just so different. But you have 2 girls, and maybe the ability gap isn't quite so wide ... personally I would support DD2 whilst still giving DD1 lots of attention (eg support her in any other areas she might excel in - sports, art etc). Having said that it doesn't sound like she's below average, just DD2 is particularly academic. Hope any children of mine are good enough to get into grammar school anyway! LOL!