twins of 9 months....feel like I'm struggling

[strawberry2]

Hi. I have twins of 9 months and some days I just feel that I'm really struggling with them. Its not that they're difficult babies because ( bless them ) they are generally pretty good. My partner works away alot so most of the week its just me and them. I've made a big effort to try and take them out to mother and baby groups etc but usually one of them always gets fed up and I end up having to leave with one or both of them screaming. I've kind of given up taking them at the moment as it just seems to be too difficult.
The trouble is that they are terrible sleepers during the day and only manage 2 naps of aprox 30 mins each throughout the whole day. The afternoons in our house then become a real struggle with one or both getting fed up with just about all of their toys or activities. But they just won't have any more than their short naps.
They also seem to be late developers ( not crawling yet ) and people are always asking whether they are doing this or that, and when I say no it makes me feel like a failure.
I guess I'm just going through a bit of a tough phase but I'm just finding it really hard at the moment and feel that I'm doing it all on my own.

[Leoladyofleisure]

Strawberry, my twins are 4 weeks old so I can't help you much, but it seems to be a problem common to most twin mums. I'm sure lots of the others will be along soon to give you some support and advice.... as for me I am jumping into bed to get some sleep before the next round of feeding begins !

[totaleclipse]

strawberry2, do you have bouncy chairs for them, I found they were long term entertainment with my twins.

It does get easier, my twins are 3 now and entertain themselves alot of the time, will have a think back to when they were younger and try and get back to you with more suggestions.

[BarefootDancer]

Gosh, having one 9-month old can be bad enough! You are in no way a failure, but it sounds as though you could do with some more support, help or grownup company.
I wonder if there is someone who could help out - any local teenagers left school but wanting to get experience with babies for example - they could come along with you, so no issues over CRM stuff or qualifications, and not as expensive as an au pair.
Also, sounds like the children are fine - they don't necessarily need to go to baby groups. Is there somewhere with a creche (sports centre? or a local mum you could swap with so you can have an hour to yourself?
All the best.

[BarefootDancer]

I mean CRB dont I!

[strawberry2]

Thanks for your suggestions. I do have family near by and so am not totally on my own although my parents work so are not really around during the week very much.
I do see other friends but none of them have twins so don't really understand what its like.

Totalecplise- I've got bouncy chairs which have been used loads over the last 9 months but I was starting to think that they are too big to go in them now although they still get used when all else fails!

[piximon]

Hi strawberry2, my twins are only 11 weeks so I haven't got to that stage yet but just wanted to say hi. Hopefully it'll get easier as they grow and don't fell so frustrated with things.

Do you have anyone around that can help you out in the day?

Also you should join us on the other thread, everyone is really friendly and always there for the rough days.

[estar]

Hi Strawberry2, I have twin boys who are now 3 and a half and another son who is 20 months older. I know what you mean about mother and baby groups - no chance of getting near a brew or having conversations long enough to actually get to know people. Not to encourage self-pity because having twins is so special and a privelege, but you're right, other people just can't understand how tough it is. You feel sometimes like they are joining forces in a team to run rings around you when logically you know thats not true!

Mine were also way behind in physical things, whereas my first was really ahead. I appreciated it in many ways - once they start moving around it is exhausting keeping up with them but they sound like they're bored too! Have you got any baby walkers or one of those baby station thing where they are upright and have lots of things to play with?

The thing I had was I was already involved in church and we had lots of other mums and even mums of twins in our group. It was great because they were so encouraging. Not many people can give you advice but when other twin mums look at you and go 'wow, you're doing a really good job' it does build you up and make you realise that its supposed to be tough and you are getting through it. Have you trawled the internet for local twin groups and e-mailed any churches to see if they have mums of twins?

I didn't really enjoy the whole experience until they were a year old and started interacting and playing more. Then you're just blown away with how amazing it all is. I think most twin mums feel like you at this stage though!

[glamourbadger]

Strawberry2 - I could reach out and hug you! I am in exactly the same boat and know what you're going through. My twins are 11 months (9 months corrected) and I'm also on my own in the week.

Mine also a long way off crawling so don't worry. I try to avoid telling people their age as their 6 month old is usually twice the size and able to do cartwheels .

I've also given up on baby groups and it's such a struggle. It frustrates me how many singleton mums watch you struggle to get two babies out of a buggy and rather than offer to help they watch you like you're some kind of freakshow! Do you have a local twins group? Mine has been great as we all help each other out, hold and feed each others babies. It's the only thing I manage to get out to these days and it's really helped keep me sane.

Everyone says it gets better soon so we just have to hang on in there. Mine are just starting to interact and I have little moments when one rubs yoghurt into the others hair and they both laugh and I can see how amazing it's going to get.

Where do you live? If it's near me I'll come over with a cake .

[frumpygrumpy]

Hi sweetheart. Your post makes me smile. When I first stumbled upon MN my first post was very similar to yours and my twins around the same age. If I have a moment I might try to dig it out for you to read. Then if you read the rest of the thread I go on and on and on for months, crying and wailing and falling to bits

That thread turned into another and another and now its a small dwelling house where we mums of twins gather every day to share and offload and laugh a bit. I'll link in both threads for you in a minute.

I met some fabulous mums on here and we are all tossing around the same worries, fears, pleasures and stresses. The best thing is that we really, really, really understand what you mean. For me, that was the life saving bit. I hope we can do the same for you

[frumpygrumpy]

this is our house, come on in

[frumpygrumpy]

scroll to the bottom and read my first post

Don't read the entire thread, its quite an epic and a couple more threads were born after.....

Mars, this was the moment we first met

[frumpygrumpy]

I see I was FrumpyGrumpy in those days now I'm just frumpygrumpy. What does that say about me?

[Rollie]

(((((((hugs))))))) Strawberry2!!
I've been there myself.
Do you get out much during the day....I mean even for walks in the park? I know the weather's crap, but that was one thing I always found helped me when I felt like you do. Chuck them in the monster buggy and off you go! It has sometimes even been known to make grumpy babies sleep!

[tkband3]

Hi Strawberry2

Your post really took me back. My DTs turned 2 a couple of weeks ago and I found it very emotional, because on their 1st birthday, I just celebrated the fact that I'd survived the first year . There's no getting away from the fact that having twins is DAMN hard work, but you will very soon start seeing more of the rewards.

I also have an older daughter, who didn't crawl till she was 11 months, although my DTs crawled at 8 and 9 months - I would have preferred it if they'd stayed still a bit longer actually . Once they could sit up, they loved a leapfrog thing I got them (it has detachable legs as well) here which they loved to sit at and play with.

Also, now that spring is here (where...?!) it'll be so much nicer to get out of the house with them and you'll be able to take them to the swings, which is so much easier before they can move on their own!!

I'd also echo glamourbadger on the twins club - I used to go every week before I moved house and it was a godsend. No-one understands what it's like to have twins better than another twin mum and even though they'll be chasing after their own babies, you'll get stacks of help because they've all been there. If you're not sure where your nearest one is, check out the TAMBA website - they have details of all the clubs. Whereabouts are you based - maybe you're near one of us?

And keep posting on here - one of us is usually around if you need an ear.

[Harrogatemum]

Hi Strawberry2 - dont worry about the late development thing, all kids are different, my twins didnt crawl until 10 months so I wouldnt worry at all. I am now having nightmares that their speech is not coming on enough (they are 2 years 4 months) so there is always something to worry about!! SEriously, come over to the thread that FG has linked you to, we can have a laugh over there and it may seem a little bit easier knowing that we are all in the same boat!

(tkb - just sent you an email - sorry for slight hijack!)

[MarsLady]

Strawberry2... come join us.

Whereabouts are you? If you are anywhere near me I'll drop off a lemon drizzle cake and some vodka!

[glamourbadger]

Mars - you can't offer lemon drizzle cake AND vodka when I'm only offering cake, it makes me look shabby.

Strawberry2 - I will also bring my own cocktail waiter who sidelines in Swedish massage and arrives wearing a toga...

[frumpygrumpy]

[ScottishThistle]

Don't worry about your twins not being at the same stage as other children, twins are different & special.

Get out for long walks, it's a must & the fresh air & exercise makes you feel better.

Once they start moving things become much easier & they have a built in play-mate too.

[strawberry2]

thankyou so much for all your messages. I think we're just going through a bit of a rough stage at the moment.... sometimes I just feel like the pressure is always on me with the other half away all the time.
I think I am generally a bit of a worrier so with 2 babies my worrying has hit an all time high !!
Anyway, I was feeling so much better this morning as the sun was out.

Thanks for all your suggestions. We do actually go to the twins club and walks are a must if the weather is good.

Thanks for the invite to join your thread. Lemon drizzel cake, vodka and swedish massage sound just whats needed too. x

[glamourbadger]

Ooooh FG - you spoil us! I wish I'd made an effort to dress up now, I doubt there is any room for me on the couch in my holey maternity pyjams...

[frumpygrumpy]

we take anyone in any form gb, particularly if they know massaging waiters

[glamourbadger]

You say that FG but when faced with my fraying gusset you might have second thoughts...

[MarsLady]

You haven't seen FG's unwaxed pits darling... you'll fit right in! lol

[frumpygrumpy]

pmsl at fraying gusset

much too early in the morning for me to cope with that kind of humour. Challenge of today is to try to use it in conversation. I'm off to the dentist with the DTs and will see if I can fit it in .......