Separate playdates - what do I do?

[4PlusMum]

DTDs are almost 4. I am very keen to encourage them to make their own friends and would have no problem taking them to separate playdates. They go to nursery together in the mornings but stay on different afternoons to allow one-to-one time at home and independence at nursery.

Last week nursery was telling me that T1 (the shyer, more reserved of the two) is particularly close to one little girl and I was planning to invite her over on a day when T2 stays at nursery. Problem is, this little girl has just invited T2 over. T1 is going to be devestated because this really is her friend and she is being passed over in favour of T2. I am wondering whether the parent intended to invite T1 and got the name wrong?

I have no problem with one DTD not being invited to a playdate but in this situation it feels wrong to accept. Any thoughts?

[SavoyCabbage]

Surely it's a name mix-up mistake. I would speak to the nursery again and see what they think. Oh, I hope it's a mistake.

[mummytime]

I would have a private word with the nursery staff and then maybe the Mum. Ask then if both your twins play with this girl?

[TryingToBePractical]

From your OP, it sounds like your DTs have some time together at nursery, and some time when just one is there. Is that right? If so, is the playdate invitation for a day when T2 would normally be at nursery (which would ake it more obvious that it is a mistake).

it does sound like a mistake. A good friend of mine has fraternal twin daughters. They look nothing alike. People have no difficulty telling them apart, but my friend says that a lot of the other parents think of then as a collective "bea and evie" (names changed) and do not bother to remember which one is bea and which one is evie (and it is not a case of not being able to tell them apart as bea has blond hair and blue eyes and evie dark brown hair and gree eyes).

[4PlusMum]

Problem solved. Nursery have confirmed that I am the one mistaken and the right DT has been invited. It will be weird letting her go on her own - in fact I think 3 is too young for a drop off paydate (I wonder if they are expecting me to go too?) - but it's going to happen once they start school in September.

[Doublethecuddles]

My DT were much older when they went on separate play dates.The first birthday party alone was quite a big step! That was not until a 6th birthday. We did something special with the DT not invited.
My DH and I did separate things with them at the weekends. It was nothing special, one would come to me to do the recycling and the other help daddy wash car, cut grass and other little jobs. The DT which came in the car really enjoyed going out by themselves, no matter how boring the job we thought it was!
It's good to encourage different activities and outings. They still fight over who gets to walk and get the Sunday papers with daddy ( it's always the one who is actually dressed!)