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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Multiple births

how do I politely explain to a friend that she's being an idiot without ending a friendship?

30 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 21/09/2013 23:48

I often put pics of dtds on fb for family and friends to see and today a friend commented that in a picture they didn't look very alike and am I sure they're id.

They didn't look alike as one was grinning a toothy smile and the other had a more serious face at the time. Just because they are id doesn't mean they walk around with matching facial expressions! Sorry, rant over... Can't rant in rl or friend would find out.

OP posts:

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Roshbegosh · 21/09/2013 23:50

What is the big deal?

sooperdooper · 21/09/2013 23:52

You're con

sooperdooper · 21/09/2013 23:53

You're completely overreacting!

MairzyDoats · 21/09/2013 23:54

Why can't you reply as you've just done here? Think you may be overreacting somewhat. [hands OP a grip]

PrincessScrumpy · 21/09/2013 23:56

People seem to have an obsession with telling me my girls don't look alike and aren't id when they are - and are very identical in appearance. Just annoyed me today as it feels like people expect them to act alike all the time. Not really a big deal just i'm a tired twin mum and this pissed me off today and I needed to vent - thought this would be the place to do it but clearly not.
Thanks for the support and understanding.

OP posts:

northernlurker · 21/09/2013 23:57

WHo cares? Even ID twins seem to go through phases of being more or less alike. Are you going to end friendships every time somebody points out differences between your no doubt lovely children? I agree, you need to get a grip asap.

PrincessScrumpy · 21/09/2013 23:59

How is it over reacting to say something annoyed me today when I've done nothing about it other than say to other mums of multiples that I came on here to have a bit of a rant?

OP posts:

northernlurker · 22/09/2013 00:01

Well firstly all sorts of people will answer you, not just twin mums, I have three dcs myself, all singletons. Secondly sometimes a rant is justified and sometimes the most supportive thing is to point out to a poster that they are in danger of making a bit of an error of judgement. Support and agreement are not necessarily the same thing.

PrincessScrumpy · 22/09/2013 00:03

I don't want to end the friendship but when people say something stupid it's hard not to be sarcastic back so I've bitten my tongue. This isn't aibu i'm not looking for an argument or aggression. It was fairly light hearted frustration but turns out people are in a bad mood and want to have a go at me tonight. The multiples thread used to be kind. Shame it's changed.

OP posts:

mysticminstrel · 22/09/2013 00:06

So...you put a picture of your DTs on facebook for your friends to admire and comment.

Which they duly did.

But you didn't like the comment.

Because they made a joke.

And now you want to end a friendship over it?

I can see why people are struggling to validate you over this, tbh. Just be grateful anybody was remotely interested in your fb pictures of your kids in the first place.

Roshbegosh · 22/09/2013 00:08

She hasn't been sarcastic and we aren't having a go. Of course you wouldn't end a friendship for this. I think if you had a good sleep you would feel fine.

northernlurker · 22/09/2013 00:10

Nobody's having a go at you but you've got this completely round your neck and willl end up upsetting your friend and wrecking the friendship. It's a passing comment describing how she saw something. It means nothing.

RedPencils · 22/09/2013 00:11

Its just one of those annoying things people say about twins
I get 'are they ID' all the time, mine are as unalike as you can imagine (one is blonde the other has black hair)
Same as
Are there twins in the family?
Did you know you were having two?
Which one is the good/bad one?
Do they get on?
How did you manage etc etc etc.

Don't let it wind you up.

PrincessScrumpy · 22/09/2013 00:14

Er I don't want to end friendship as I've said in the thread title and explained again. I've had 2 years of rude and stupid comments and this, I agree is not rude but still made me think I couldn't write a response as I might offend her by pointing out the obvious.
I don't hate her and i'm not fuming it just summed up some of the things people think about twins - pulling different faces, must not be id.
Any way think some posters may need to lighten up.

OP posts:

JollyGolightly · 22/09/2013 00:18

Go to bed and get some sleep. You will probably gain some perspective by the morning.

mysticminstrel · 22/09/2013 00:19

So...just say "yes I'm sure they're ID" and move on.

Is it really that annoying? Non twin breeders get this kind of shite too you know? People commenting on how their sibling sets look. Just...you know..take a step back?

northernlurker · 22/09/2013 00:20

I think the OP needs to take her own advice.

mysticminstrel · 22/09/2013 00:22

I really do think your friend was jokingk, OP.

My two are same sex and less than two years between them - people take delight in pointing out than one is dark haired and blue eyed and the other is blonde and brown eyed. They even talk differently - one speaks BBC english and the other sounds like a sailor on shore-leave.

I can't picture wanting to end a friendship over someone making a joke about it.

HarrietSchulenberg · 22/09/2013 00:36

It happens the other way round too. When ds1 and ds2 were 3 and 1, the plumber came round to mend something or other. Dses were sitting on the floor with their backs to him, watching TV. Plumber said, "You've got your work cut out there, love, with twins. Are they identical?". Erm, no, one is bigger than the other one and there's 2 years between them .
There's always going to be someone who just doesn't see the ruddy obvious.

winterland · 22/09/2013 07:07

Crikey does it really matter whether they are identical or not?

HowlerMonkey · 22/09/2013 07:32

I think that you can be as blunt (yet factual) as you like here. A simple 'Yep, they are definitely identical

silverangel · 23/09/2013 09:45

I think its probably one of those annoying things people say, mine are ID and people revel in telling me when they can see the differences or cant see the differences etc etc. I think most of it comes with a fascination with twins. People say 'oh DT1 is obvioiusly the chattier one' (she's not) or 'DT2 is definitley bigger' (she's not, she's smaller by about 3lb)...I just nod and smile, nod and smile....

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pokesandprodsforthelasttime · 23/09/2013 09:53

I can see why it's annoying - it's your friend's assumption that she knows better than you and the medical profession based on a photo.

I would just ignore the comment, it was thoughtless but your friend probably didn't mean to annoy you.

Redlocks30 · 23/09/2013 10:00

Er, I don't think it's your friend who is being the idiot! Get some sleep and a touch of perspective.

georgeannaskala · 23/09/2013 10:02

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