struggling with discipline for 2year old twins

[00poppy00]

they are so different, im struggling to be fair and consistant but still cater to each needs, dt1 is a slow developer- very slow speech (thats another worry and another thread!) but think hes understanding more then hes letting on. he finds time out hilarious, just does whatevers naughty and runs to time out spot!! dt2 is much more advanced... time out would work with her i think if she didnt have a cheeky sibling running up trying to get involved thinking its a game! not a huge fan as smacking as theyre already trying to hit each other! any thing else i can try??

[toomuchpink]

Mine aren't two yet and I am finding this pretty tricky too. Mine are both girls, but one is generally more likely to snatch/ bite/ put things in her mouth/ try to destroy stuff/ stand on the sofa etc. It is hard to try to make her stop and understand, but not give her all the attention. I constantly try to keep in my mind that I should try to give the one that is being good the attention, so as not to reward the bad behaviour, but it is tough. We have stair gates between our livingroom and dining room, so I literally removed DT1 from the room the other day. I could still keep an eye on her but she could not get in. She did howl a bit, but it worked.

[00poppy00]

thanks for replying, iv been guilty of giving all atention (albeit negative attention) to who ever is playing up... definately will start saying " good boy/girl your playing nicely, i must just tell (whoever) to stop being silly!

[chutneypig]

I had a lot of people tell me time out was the solution to discipline issues when my twins were that age. No one managed to explain to me how I was supposed to manage it with both of them at once .

Mine are 6 now and I wouldn't say I'd found a solid solution but over the years I think separating them from line of sight was the most important thing. I'd usually try putting one in their room to calm down ( with Stair gate) and give attention to the one who hadn't been misbehaving. If it wasn't both of them. Sigh.

As you say, the other one often comes running up if they're in the same room and they just see it as a game. If there's somewhere convenient downstairs to put them that would be good I think, I found it a pain having to get one upstairs!

[PollyPlummer]

I do what chutney does, my 2 are nearly 3.
Yes its when they are both misbehaving that it really gets tricky.
You will find a way around it though and end up tweaking things to suit you, be aware though just when you get used to doing something a certain way they will change tactics and you will have to start again

[00poppy00]

thankyou, i will try seperating them, but fairly open plan downstairs, i do have a travel cot i could set up as a time out place.

[KateShmate]

Definitely set travel cot up as 'time out' place, and put it in the corner of your downstairs - somewhere that is a bit more 'out of the way' so that if 1 has a full blown tantrum in the cot, you are still able to ignore.
If you have 2 travel cots and they are both playing up, then stick one upstairs too - I used to find that mine would thrive off each others' tantrums and make them 10000X worse!
Discipline like this really needn't be stressful - have been there with my DTriplets (3.5) and if you're prepared (with travel cots and timers in tow!) then it can be pretty easy if you don't let it get to you and make you angry. Is simple - 1 warning of 'If you hit your sister again, you will go into time out. Do you understand?' - you need to make it easy for them and take them away from the situation when you're giving a warning. It's all well and good giving them a warning when playing, but they won't listen and, essentially, you haven't given a warning as they never listened and therefore never got a chance to stop the behaviour. Take them out the room, away from TV or other distractions, get onto their level etc and, if necessary, show them the travel cot so they know that it is the punishment.
If said hitting happens again, swiftly take them and put them into the travel cot - no screaming, shouting or smacking needs to happen. A firm 'You do NOT hit your sister, you need to stay in time out' and leave. Once time out is done, then a quick explanation, apology to said sister, and over and done with - no more mention of the hitting incident.
When it's a bad day, the only stressful part needs to be the amount of times you have to run up and down the stairs! Good luck!

[Swanhilda]

My twins are now 11 and I had an older toddler when they were babies.
Looking back there should have been more Time In than Time Out. I made a lot of things difficult for myself in my demands on myself and them.

Read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen for more long term strategies on discipline. The main thing with twins that is that as a parent you are perpetually stressed. The kids work this out and respond in a stressy way, creating, demanding, generally winding you up. So the way to discipline is to create calmness before the bad behaviour ever rears its head. Sounds like poppycock? I think the key is to try and work out what matters in the day, and how you are going to achieve it without losing your patience, and what is developmentally possible for children of that age, and what they need. Then you can get them to behave. Boundaries and fences are fine but not after horse has already bolted so to speak.