Help! 2 boys and found out am having twins!

(47 Posts)
elisio1 Sat 12-Jan-13 19:47:10

Well, the title says it all really. My husband and I are in a state of shock. We have 2 lovely boys, 5 and 2.5. We tentatively went for no.3 and have discovered we're having twins - most likely b/g combination.

Although we had got our head around the idea of 3 children (just), having four under 5 , and this including twins, was not in our game plan. We feel absolutely overwhelmed and wonder if we'll be able to cope. Will we still be able to have a social life? Will getting out of the house be a complete nightmare? Will anyone want to have us round to their house? Just a few of the worries that crowd in on us. And how will it affect DS1 and DS2 ? I really worry about our attention being stretched too thinly over 4 still-young children.

Having twins first time round or second wouldn't have seemed such a game changer, but the idea of going from 2 to 4 is pretty mind-boggling.

Anyone been in this position? How did it work out? Would be grateful for any advice.

Rowan1204 Sat 19-Jan-13 21:17:30

Hi All,

Elisio, Although I don't have two DS already, I do have similar worries in terms of the enjoyment thing. We have been hugely lucky to have very supportive family etc and it means that we have often had time to ourselves every now and then which has been great but this will be divided by three! But the main worry for me is how am I going to give DS the attention he needs and have that quality time with him?
Do you have supportive family near by who can help with the babies from time to time so that you can have days out or a few hours of dedicated time with your two DS?

Digestives - if you are saying that all will be ok, with your lovely little brood, I do genuinely feel better : ) hope you are enjoying your new little arrivals smile your eldest, perhaps a little helper too at that age?

Holidays -I planned on joining the gym - but perhaps not now either! god knows when we will get back that precious 'me' time, a good while I think, but perhaps once we have routines sorted, it might happen?!

I am actually feeling a bit rubbish the last few days. 16 weeks now and already pretty big, and its already getting uncomfortable (sorry to be negative!) but tired from not being able to sleep - sign of things to come I know.
To the twin mums who have already given birth - did you get quite a lot of growing pains early n the 2nd trimester?
I have a scan on Tuesday though so looking forward to that - hoping they will tell me the flavour! smile

DigestivesWithCheese Sun 20-Jan-13 15:50:40

Hi Rowan,

My twins are three weeks tomorrow and I've already decided I love having four! The nights are still very hard but we've had a few nice times together already, going to the park yesterday & out to watch my eldest play football today.

Once the twins are snuggled down in the double buggy then they sleep well while we go out. They feed every three hrs so I feed first then I know we've got time to go out for a bit and concentrate on the older ones while the twins are sleeping. So I can still take my toddler to the park, to a cafe for a snack, to playgroup... Wherever the double buggy fits really!

When I'm feeding the twins at home my toddler doesn't get much attention but luckily I trained her up during my pregnancy grin When I was very tired at the end,, I used to sit her on the bed beside me, surrounded by cushions & we would watch CBeebies or a Peppa Pig DVD, while she had a snack in a bowl & I had a rest. So now, when I am feeding the twins in the morning, she says "snack, Peppa Pig on" and she sits beside me while I sort them out. It does mean she is eating more crisps/biscuits than I would like but it's still worth it!

I sympathise with how tired & uncomfortable you must be. I struggled so much with my pregnancy and after about 30 weeks I hated every second. The upside is that, compared to the tiredness of the pregnancy, these early weeks have actually been a real relief. Even with recovering from the c-section and sleepless nights, I'm still not as tired as I was while I was pregnant. I know that probably doesn't help now but it really is something to look forward to at the end - good luck!

I

DigestivesWithCheese Sun 20-Jan-13 15:51:33

Hi Rowan,

My twins are three weeks tomorrow and I've already decided I love having four! The nights are still very hard but we've had a few nice times together already, going to the park yesterday & out to watch my eldest play football today.

Once the twins are snuggled down in the double buggy then they sleep well while we go out. They feed every three hrs so I feed first then I know we've got time to go out for a bit and concentrate on the older ones while the twins are sleeping. So I can still take my toddler to the park, to a cafe for a snack, to playgroup... Wherever the double buggy fits really!

When I'm feeding the twins at home my toddler doesn't get much attention but luckily I trained her up during my pregnancy grin When I was very tired at the end,, I used to sit her on the bed beside me, surrounded by cushions & we would watch CBeebies or a Peppa Pig DVD, while she had a snack in a bowl & I had a rest. So now, when I am feeding the twins in the morning, she says "snack, Peppa Pig on" and she sits beside me while I sort them out. It does mean she is eating more crisps/biscuits than I would like but it's still worth it!

I sympathise with how tired & uncomfortable you must be. I struggled so much with my pregnancy and after about 30 weeks I hated every second. The upside is that, compared to the tiredness of the pregnancy, these early weeks have actually been a real relief. Even with recovering from the c-section and sleepless nights, I'm still not as tired as I was while I was pregnant. I know that probably doesn't help now but it really is something to look forward to at the end - good luck!

holidaysdistantmemory Tue 22-Jan-13 11:49:23

Elliso, I have exactly the same concerns, especially having just gone through the baby years and 'come out the other side' and my dc's are now reasonably independent and play together and we do some nice things as a family. I optimistically thought a DC3 would fit in with the family and tag along with the others!

In contrast I am currently lying on the sofa under a blanket feeling rubbish (9 weeks) with Big Barn Farm on repeat on the TV, my poor little DD not being very stimulated. Normally on my days off work we are playdating, toddler groups, out and about, but just tired and can't be ar*ed today! Fear that this will be my girl's existence this time next year.. On the plus side, at least school open and ds back at school today!

dh is now being quite supportive and caring, think he is in denial tho the finances really worry me. have you started looking into cars that four 4 car seats? We will need to trade in our (smallish) car for a bigger old banger.

Told my parents at weekend, and my 'd'dad stormed out and went home! He thinks 'his life is over' as we will call on them to help us out etc. Silly fool! And my dm, who is usually the most optimistic person on the planet, only said 'its going to be tough for you'. Yes, I think I know that.
Felt slightly down that evening, as hadn't been able to be my usual lively person in the snow (a sign of things to come?) and the initial reactions have been so different to my other DC, everyone was over the moon then...

Anyway, better shift from my slothful state, and do something.

Don't get me wrong, I recognise (esp after my Mc) that this is a 'gift' and that at least family christmases will be fun. And there will always someone to visit me in the old persons home when I am ancient, and lots a grandchildren hopefully! Ironically I always wanted twins, just wish they had been dc1 or dc2!

My dh's best friend is a twin. His Dm went back to work 2 weeks after giving birth to stop her going insane. Its always an option I guess...!!!! Ha ha.

holidaysdistantmemory Tue 22-Jan-13 11:59:24

Ps digestives, thank you for the optimistic advice and tips. My friend who has twins simply hands each of them over to the nearest person when visiting people, looks like a good tip, divide and conquer!

I am going to save this thread as a bookmark and dip in occasionally to see how we are all getting on provided I pass 12 weeks. Good luck everyone.

januarysnowdrop Tue 22-Jan-13 12:01:22

Not sure this is a helpful perspective, but I was the youngest child in just such a family (3 brothers, two older, one twin) and I loved being part of a big family quite close in age (not quite as close as yours will be, but I think the closer the better from the point of view of sibling relationships). My Mum said it was really really hard for the first year (she accepted any and every offer of help she was given!), but then it all became much easier after that because me & my twin always had one another to play with. And speaking as a childminder, I often find that the more children I have in the house, the fewer fights tend to break out - they seem to get on better when there's more of a choice of other children to play with.

No personal experience but I have a good friend who had 4 with 18mo to 2 year gaps between each (deliberately!) so at one point 4 under 6. She has never been rich financially but has loved it, even in the early years. The DCs are all late teens/ early 20's now and very close knit.

holidaysdistantmemory Tue 22-Jan-13 17:27:30

Thank you January and Married, its nice to have some virtual kind words. I had lots of cousins close in age and near by when young, and agree that it was really great as a child, always someone to play with, beat up (!), lots of games, camping out in the garden in the summer and parties. I will hold onto this image during my worry times! X

elisio1 Fri 25-Jan-13 20:14:55

Thanks everyone for taking the time to post.

Januarysnowdrop, it's lovely hearing about what it was like to grow up in the particular gender configuration I will (most probably - not 100% sure) have.

Holidaysdistantmemory, sorry to hear about your parents' not-so-helpful reaction. Mine and the ILs, though shocked, have been very supportive, and will help as much as they can , when the time comes (tho' for health and geographical reasons, this won't be a huge amount.) Am already wondering about getting a "Mother's help" for 6 months or so. Is is something you would be able to consider?

Funny that you say you would have liked twins 1st or 2nd time round. I feel exactly the same way! It's the 2-4 jump that seems such a life-changer!

Rowan 1204 - think you are at the same stage as me. I'm 16.5 weeks. Already look huge and feel a bit breathless in the way that I did when 30 weeks with DSs. Am not looking forward to the rest of the pregnancy! I was lucky to have very easy ones with DS1 and 2 - shouldn't have been so complacent! Do you know what you're having genderwise?

Rowan1204 Sat 26-Jan-13 22:31:46

Hi All,

Digestives sorry to hear you had that reaction from your parents. I had a similar kind of thing but with my in-laws, who I am usually very close to, they literally are my 2nd parents. my FIL made a comment (relating to the fact that I work full time despite having my DS) and they both kept going on about how I might as well accept that my career is over. FIL said to me - ' Just get on board with the fact that you are actually going to have to be a mum this time around'! It was actually really hurtful and I don't think it meant him to be, but , honestly!
So I know how it feels for them to sort of take the wind out of sails a bit, or just not really help as such. We need positivity people! Take it as easy as you can these next few weeks and let us know how you get on.

Elisio I am 17 weeks tomorrow so virtually the same! what is your 40 weeks EDD? (of course we all know we wont go that far!) mine is 7th July. but consultant says 36 weeks so Im looking at first week of June (ish! could be earlier I guess hmm )
I am the same - massive already and like you, breathless all the time. still getting the nausea too but not so much these days. I had my last scan on Tues at the fetal med unit and all is well smile they are growing pretty much at the same rate, only a 14% difference which is apparently completely normal and fine.
Did you say you were also having 2 weeks scans?

Oh and yes I found out the sex.....BOYS! grin

Rowan1204 Sat 26-Jan-13 23:19:20

Sorry just realised I meant my first paragraph to be in response to holidays - the sieve brain strikes again!

elisio1 Sun 27-Jan-13 19:25:08

Rowan1204 - we are almost pregnancy "twins" (hollow laugh) as I'm due on 10 July.

Interesting that your consultant said 36 weeks as I have not been told anything re: how much earlier twins usually come. I am only officially under consultant care from 23 weeks here apparently. There was I happily imagining going away on holiday early June. Think I should reschedule! Am quite pleased they're summer babies. My other DSs are Autumn born, and am hoping that the light evenings and (relatively) warm temperatures will make the early months a bit more bearable.

Great re: you having twin boys. I won't make any cliched statements about the gender/twins/groups of boys, as I've heard them all a thousand times and they drive me mad. My two boys are absolutely wonderful; I'm sure your DS is too. I have every hope that my third boy will be as wonderful (the girl too). I'm sure yours will be fantastic too.

Rowan1204 Sun 27-Jan-13 21:04:21

elisio yes we could say we are pregnancy twins haha!
Where are you based? I am in herts where i am seeing a consultant every 4 wks for checks on my health, but they referred me to UCH in London for the fetal medicine specialist. I will see them until 26 weeks, and all being well, i will then be handed back over to my hospital for the rest of my pregnancy. I think it is slightly different with ID twins and Non ID. I am scanned every two weeks due to the risk of twin to twin transfusion, which isn't a risk in non ID twins. I think non ID can go to 38 weeks!
I quite fancied going away for long weekend with dp to Paris or somewhere but my consultant said no way! So we are taking ds away to stay at legoland for his birthday in April ( not that i will be able to go on anything!)
A girl i know has Non ID twins and managed a trip abroad though, but before she got too big and uncomfortable! Perhaps June might be leaving it a tad on the late side, could you go in May?
It is a lovely time of year definitely, it will be nice to be on mat leave and enjoy the babies in the sunshine smile
Have you thought of names for your two yet?!

Rowan1204 Sun 27-Jan-13 21:05:18

elisio yes we could say we are pregnancy twins haha!
Where are you based? I am in herts where i am seeing a consultant every 4 wks for checks on my health, but they referred me to UCH in London for the fetal medicine specialist. I will see them until 26 weeks, and all being well, i will then be handed back over to my hospital for the rest of my pregnancy. I think it is slightly different with ID twins and Non ID. I am scanned every two weeks due to the risk of twin to twin transfusion, which isn't a risk in non ID twins. I think non ID can go to 38 weeks!
I quite fancied going away for long weekend with dp to Paris or somewhere but my consultant said no way! So we are taking ds away to stay at legoland for his birthday in April ( not that i will be able to go on anything!)
A girl i know has Non ID twins and managed a trip abroad though, but before she got too big and uncomfortable! Perhaps June might be leaving it a tad on the late side, could you go in May?
It is a lovely time of year definitely, it will be nice to be on mat leave and enjoy the babies in the sunshine smile
Have you thought of names for your two yet?!

MrsZebra Tue 29-Jan-13 21:49:44

I had four boys under 3! Now they're 5, 4, 4 & 2. It's definitely hard.... The first two years are crazy. But I'm still married, sane, have friends (although fewer than before!) and go abroad on holiday. Lower your standards of everything for the first year and you'll be fine. You cant enjoy them in the same way as a singleton but there are completely different joys that you will experience. And ignore anyone who tells you otherwise. I feel lucky to have my twins. Congratulations! X

flossieflower Tue 29-Jan-13 22:00:14

Have to just clarify- separate sacs DOESN'T always mean non identical twins- a third of identicals have separate sacs and I personally know at least four sets like this (including my own who I had dna tested at age 4). If they split early on they will be totally separate (my two placentas were on opposite sides of the uterus).

Rowan- please don't keep passing on this myth as my friend spent weeks crying that she couldn't tell apart her 'non identical' twins and felt like a terrible mother because of it. Only the zygosity test result stopped her guilt!

Twins are fantastic!

Rowan1204 Wed 30-Jan-13 20:32:35

Sorry i didn't realise i was passing on a 'myth' and by no means did i say anything intentionally to make someone feel a bad mother?! Tbh not quite sure i like the way you just bombarded in with that comment?!
I am actually new to having twins and only go by what the'experts' and 'consultants' who are specialists in this area have informed me.
Can you please give me an example of where i have been passing on a myth?! And what myth exactly?! I think you my have misread my posts?

holidaysdistantmemory Wed 30-Jan-13 21:32:39

Rowan, just disregard the 'myth' comment, am sure it was an unfortunate turn of phrase...

Haven't been on this thread for a week, feel like I may 'jinx' things if I get too involved before my 12 week scan which is in 2 weeks. My symptoms have dropped off massively this week, and I am eating like a horse. Hope this is a good sign. Not sure if I can disguise my bump in my (straining) work suit for much longer. Had a team planning day today, felt a bit of a fraud participating when I am about to drop a bombshell soon...

I have a holiday booked the last week in July which I am desperate to go on, only in this country. But I will be 36 weeks then, and wonder whether this may be pushing it a bit. If it was just one baby, wouldn't really care, but twins... Esp if you get induced at 37 (is this right?)

Someone mentioned the home help. Found quite a lot of practical tips on here on how to cope, some colleges also provide students studying childcare to help out, will look at that. Being on maternity leave will be skint, plus probable new car, so will have to be inventive and ask for all help whereever I can get it!

holidaysdistantmemory Wed 30-Jan-13 22:08:54

Rowan - sorry meant to say, glad your scan went well and your boys(!) are growing well. And yes, I have had lots of growing pains and cramps, much more than with previous two single pregnancies.

Also, I have no friggin idea about twins, there were 2 sacs, 2 babies, no-one mentioned the placenta so have no clue whether identical or not! All my baby books are in the loft with my maternity clothes. No doubt someone will enlighten me at some point over the next 30 weeks! We are all on a learning curve, certainly no expert here...

As to coping with a toddler plus twins, I never thought I would cope with one toddler and one newborn, and I did, I was at a toddler group 2 days after giving birth as wanted to get out of the house! And DC1 still got all of the attention (and still does!). Its a thousand times better having the babies out than being pregnant and lumping them around in your tummy, when born you can hand them over to others, stick them on a mat or baby seat when older, and be able to lift the toddler again!

CakeForBreakfast Mon 11-Feb-13 15:16:07

Just like you OP (and so many others it seems), we tentatively ttc for baby no.3 and ended up with twins! I now have 4 kids aged 5 and under and let me tell you, Its bloody marvellous.

Twins. You will enjoy it. Your twins will adore having older brothers for their entertainment, your older boys will love being such special big brothers.

My ID twin girls (now aged 16months) were born 6 weeks early after a pregnancy blighted with the dreaded twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. They were about 4lbs once I got them home but with hindsight, the 'hard bit' of feeding them up was a blink in the eye compared to the rest of it.

Seriously, the fun and cute level in this house raises the roof. I wish everyone could be as lucky as us. Oh, I might not mention how fast a twin pair can decimate a room, and you might want to invest in a washable mat (big one) or under the high chairs and... well, I'll just leave it there!

elisio1 Fri 15-Feb-13 19:27:27

Thank you CakeFor Breakfast - what a lovely, positive email.

Pregnancy is just a long time to think and worry about everything, and we are still feeling very stressed by the prospect of 4 under 5. So it's always lovely to hear from people in our position who think it's so brilliant!
In a way , I wish that the twins would arrive tomorrow (except I don't mean that literally of course, am only 19 weeks) because then I could stop worrying and just get on with things.
It seems so many people react in the same way when they find out they're having twins: shock, disbelief, anxiety, stress - but so many seem to say that, once the twins arrive, things get easier. Obviously the first few years are crazy, but at least they're the new normality and people have to stop brooding and embrace the craziness!

JETS Wed 20-Feb-13 18:06:43

had the unplanned extra twin capsule shock to my toddler. Same concerns as all but can honestly say that twins are fantastic, fabulous amazing - for stuff for the husbands to look forward to - eurocamp will be your friend with this combination! - it can even be quite luxurious (honest!) - we hadnt banked on buying the double buggy etc but you will find tamba & the like a life line - accept all the charity (help and clothes!) - mine now 17 & 13/13 - even though my husband had to drink cooking sherry on the day we found out (only alcohol in the house) - we can honestly say it has been wonderful.

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