Sorry LVB I have been popping on, but keep forgetting to post! To be quite honest, I've been quite traumatised by last weeks' bed time antics. Honestly, DTrips were just horrendous! I was quite close to tears (disclaimer, it was an emotional day in general!) I just couldn't believe it! DH had gone out, but that wasn't particularly the issue as I put them to bed by myself often, and have done since they were little. When they were littler they used to play up, but only normal baby/toddler antics, which they didn't really know were naughty , but this behaviour last week was just so cheekily naughty! They were laughing for the whole 3.5 hours. Yes, you did read that correctly - 3.5 fucking hours. Delightful! Absolutely delightful!
LVB well.. it sounds like you're potty training then! Nothing like a bit of last minute decision making eh F?! Just follow her round with a potty all day, and every 2 minutes ask if she needs a wee. If she goes more than 20/30 mins without going for one of her own accord, then you need to kind of.. force it. I.e. 'Oooh come and have a try for a wee and mummy will find you a tiny treat!'. The most important thing, throughout the whole process, is to praise everything - even just sitting on the potty! Sometimes it is ridiculously frustrating because they have a sudden look of panic on their face and say 'Quick! I need a wee!' so you trip over everything running to get a potty, and they sit for 20 minutes, stand back up and say 'Nope, nothing ' to then wee on the floor 5 minutes later.. The whole potty training process is, essentially, the process of training their muscles - in the beginning they have virtually zero control over their muscles, and they can go a step backwards before going forwards - like everything, I suppose! And yes, we do have GroClocks. They are really good for the summer when it gets lighter; and it just means that you don't have to keep saying 'no it's too early - 20 more minutes' - they don't actually know what '20 mins' means. IYSWIM? It's easy being able to say 'Erm.. I'm pretty sure that the sun hasn't come up yet.. it's still 3.43am... You can come back in when the sun has come up'.
We're sort of potty training here too. I've got a week off on the 8th so had planned to go to my parents (huge house, big garden, extra help and importantly, not my carpets!) and go cold turkey, no nappies. But we got the potties out of the loft the other day, and J is completely obsessed. He's on the potty every 10 minutes and produces a wee each time. It's great. But at the same time, I'm not ready for it! I've no idea how to cope with nursery, car trips, etc. With H I just did the week off work, cold turkey thing and she cracked it within a few days. J might well be the same, if I can figure out how to potty train him involving the childminder/granny/nursery - which is why I wanted to leave it until I had the time to do it myself. He obviously has other ideas. D on the other hand is just not interested. He sat on the toilet seat for ages tonight, but no wee. He started to get really distressed, obviously desperate for a wee, but not sure what to do, so we gave in and gave him a nappy. I don't really want him to be scared of it, so will just leave him to plan A, which was the week at my parents. But like ALL says, lots of praise. And a small treat (sticker, choc button etc)
Still trying to earn brownie points and get back into my 'good books' after their behaviour last week For the first time ever, they had the TV banned for the whole weekend - was a pretty hard learning curve for them, but I'm pleased that I stuck to my word. We're finally doing dummies next week. I feel so awful that they still have them We just haven't had the time! Chesti Brilliant that J has decided to self-potty train! Can imagine that it is definitely tricky though - hopefully it will settle down and click into place soon
Hope the girls have learned their lesson, and are little angels from now on. D still has his dummy too, and they both still have scabby old musiln cloths as comforters. But they are restricted to having them in bed only.
J is doing amazingly well with the potty training. Mind you, they are 34 months so they should be ready for it!
You bet they are Chesti! I only had to whisper the 'TV ban' today and they started being good again I don't really know why it worked so well - I think because I've never really had to use such a drastic enforcement before! Unless they are silly with toys, we tend to do time out rather than taking things away; and I've never taken privileges away before. It worked well in the end, but I'm just a bit annoyed that we had to get to that stage before they gave up - and I think, tbh, it was out of tiredness rather than the threat of no TV. But oh well, at least they know that I'll go through with it - one of my pet hates is empty threats. Re: dummies - Chesti they are going to school in September!!! We haven't yet thought about what the dummy fairy is bringing - but is going to have to be something impressive of those blinkin' dodies won't be going far! Snugglies don't bother me too much to be honest, DD1 is 7 this year and still has her favourite blanky and teddy that she is attached to. She only has it in bed, but I think it's sweet. I used to love my cuddlies when I was younger. Big Yay for J! 34 months is still super good
Hope today wasn't too expensive / painful at the dentist LVB! Good luck on the potty training too - I'd say just go with the flow, so to speak . It's true that when they're ready then it's fine. We had months a while of nappy refusing while they geared up to it and that's difficult but once they're there then it's not too bad. I was dreading the marshalling the 3 of them in public toilets while they each decided whether they really did need a wee but even that has been mainly OK. The biggest problem is falling asleep in the car, especially after swimming since J appears to drink the contents of the pool. We're gearing up to trying J at night too as his nappy is usually dry in the morning. Need to catch up on washing before then tho.
Sounds like you've had fun Kate.
In holiday mode here. Last day at work til after Easter. Washing machine has been plumbed in today & I'm soooooo excited won't last. Boys will be 3 next week so I'm planning a couple of days in my new kitchen baking birthday cakes and making curtains if I can decide on a fabric while they are at nursery & I am unbelievably excited at the prospect.
Congratulations on having your house back again ALL. Are you happy with how it all looks? I hope you've had lots of fun with the washing machine and new cooker, I'd be as excited as you after a long wait to have them in use. Happy birthday to J and W for this week. What are you giving them?
How's the tooth LVB? I think you said on fb that you could be looking at a bridge, does that mean that the tooth is just too damaged to save? Hope you don't still need painkillers anyway and are managing to eat OK
You sound as though you've got the measure of your girls and what makes them tick Kate. I am such an utter wimp over discipline, and this is one of the things that daunts me about doing this single handed. I am too soft hearted, and will usually keep asking ad infinitum for them to do something rather than setting a limit on how many times I'll ask nicely, and I may quite possibly give in for the sake of a quiet life sometimes. But equally one thing I really hate is a child that has been given no boundaries and behaves as if the world revolves around them. So I've got to come up with some rules and go for it I think.
Sounds like great progress with J on potty training chesti. Have the nursery/childminder asked you to get them trained or has this been something he's chosen for himself? Has D had any more attempts or are you still leaving it for a week or two yet?
I bought potties a few weeks ago and have just had them sitting in the bedroom/sitting room so my two get familiar with them and they seem to quite enjoy sitting on them either fully dressed or with nappies on. R this morning pulled her own nappy off and stood there clearly trying to produce a poo (lovely) so I had to whip the potty over to her and caught a little poo in it (no wee, which was on the carpet instead ) so that is a tiny triumph for her.
Cerub That's brilliant for R! Is really good to get them used to having the potty - even if they're not using it yet, just so that it isn't some weird thing when they do start training. Ha, I may sound like they are all under control, but clearly not the case after bedtime-gate! I'm not so strict in the daytime, but bedtime is bedtime - they have no reason to be up, and it wasn't because of illness or not being tired, they had just planned out to be naughty! After the 3 hours I had genuinely tried everything - but what can you do at night time? Time out is pointless - that's keeping them up even longer! I can't shout or it will wake the other girls - I did raise my voice, but they just found it funny and we egging each other on. But then taking something like the TV away isn't something that is going to happen there and then, so I wasn't expecting them to react - if they were sitting and watching TV then fair enough, but if they're in bed I thought they would just think 'whatever' and carry on misbehaving. It was getting to the point of thinking about taking their snugglies away; but I'm sure that would just cause more naughtiness. They were soo not expecting me to carry through with it - next morning they asked to watch telly, and I said 'What happened last night? You girls did not behave nicely at all, and mummy was not happy'.. they just looked at me and went 'Ha ha.. so can we watch telly now '... Err no! You're right though - I can't bare it when parents just don't discipline at all and have that airy fairy voice all the time 'Oh tommy, har har, darling, har har, please stop punching mummy in the face, har har, it makes mummy ever so sad darling, har har'. It doesn't hurt children to tell them off - and I don't mean screaming at them and belting them into next week, at all! And the good thing is that the hard work does pay off - if you do discipline them consistently then, like DTrips, they don't do naughty things anymore; they are silly and cheeky, but not naughty (Obviously bar bedtime-gate!) and I rarely have to tell them off. Anyway, hope you guys are having a good easter! We are all bubbed out on the sofa after eating our body weight in chocolate!
Wow, sounds like a strategy worth remembering Kate! It surprises me when the boys can understand / remember consequences. So hard at night tho, I know when we were going through a tantrum stage at night there seemed so little we could do. CErub, if it's any use I find it easier to be stern the older they get.
We're still busy with the house but it's in a mostly useable state. The sink/ taps & hob are yet to be connected & some finishing off to do but I've actually cooked & made the boys' cakes this weekend. Total bliss. Having our wood burning stove installed this week - very excited about that!
Our plans were Slightly scuppered as Will has had chickenpox over Easter meaning the decorator opted not to come & paint as he's not had it so that's holding us back a bit & has also limited where we've been able to go. Bought a new sofa today - wasn't on our shopping list!
Not sure about their birthday. I don't think they understand they can ask for stuff so we weren't really going to bother . But then didn't think they knew it was their bday this week either. Suddenly they've started singing happy birthday & telling us it's their bday soon so obv must have talked about it at nursery. We had planned just to do a nice day out. I remember more about special stuff we did for my bday than presents. But we need to see if the pox spreads I guess. Think j would have it by now if he picked it up from nursery too so may just be waiting to see if either have caught it from W.
Oh yes -great about the potty too! That's the approach we took. Still seemed to take forever to get to fully trained. C likes to sit on the potty (the kiddy step will do either) & looks v proud of herself. She seemed to have a lightbulb moment last week in discovering she has control -v funny! Mortification at puddle on floor followed by interest that the next wee did indeed come from her & pointing / gabbing excitedly at the 3rd.
Our big training news is we've had 2 dry nappy-free nights from J -jinxes self. His nappy is generally dry in the morning but thought we'd wait til our washing machine was installed & we'd caught up on the laundry.
Blooming tablet, a couple of nights ago I clicked on hide instead of flip the thread and I thought I'd got away with it, but turns out I'd hidden you all! Complete pain to figure out how to unhide a thread!
Technology - don't you love it! We just got a new lappy yesterday & it seems to be a weird windows / app hybrid (nice tho). Just when you think you have it all sussed....
Sorted some bits out for boys' bday so we're no longer the mean parents we planned. Just wrapping now.... While listening to the chimney liner being inserted for our new wood burner - so exciting! Burny burny tonight!
So are you burning up a storm then ALL? How lovely to have a wood burning stove, a real heartwarming appliance! Pity you still need it in bloody April though.
Is C some kind of child prodigy?! She seems very advanced with all her milestones and trying out the potty already seems amazing.
Glad you found us again chesti. So are things ok with you? Tell us more about the FB thing if you can on here.
Felt very moved this evening - I had agreed with a girl who works at the nursery to come and help with home time/bedtime one night a week just to be an extra pair of hands for me, and tonight was the first time (they screamed blue murder because they weren't used to her being around but never mind). We had agreed on a rate of pay but when it came to time to pay her she said she wouldn't accept anything and just wanted to help. I feel a bit teary about it actually. People are being kind in ways expected and unexpected. Part of me feels really embarrassed about being viewed as needing help, but it is true at times, and I am quite humbled by how lovely people can be.
So lovely of your nursery girl Cerub! Tho makes it more difficult for you to ask for help if she's not going to accept payment I guess. It's lovely when you realise how much good there is in the world really & it certainly makes me want to make more of an effort.
Ah, we had great plans for burning but then were told we need to leave it for 2-3 days for all the sealant stuff to set properly. So, tomorrow is the biggie. But even then we need to run it in gently so can't have a proper roaring fire til early next week. No fear of summer creeping up on up before then I don't think
Saying that, just sitting in our kitchen with the (new) French doors open, tapping on the ipad while C naps and boys play diggers out back. Tis rather pleasant if a little chilly. No builders today - will miss the excitement of wondering what I'm coming home to! They've got a few little jobs to do next week but otherwise done. Til we get started on the next project
Ha, I could claim C is a prodigy but I think more a product of 2 big brothers to copy from. I doubt her potty-sitting is anything to do with knowledge of why she's doing it, but funny to see all the same. She does seem to be doing things earlier than they did tho I'm not confident I remember their milestones entirely correctly, even tho it wasn't that long ago. She has a wider vocab than I remember them having at this stage. She is also Queen of Strops!! Such a temper... no idea where that is from
Cerub - I completely 'get' that feeling of warmth, knowing that people are really looking out for you and prepared to do nice things because they sense you need it. For me, it's been one of the plusses of this whole experience.
I'm sorry I'm being so utterly crap at writing on the thread. I miss you all, and miss just being able to wax lyrical about being a twin mum. I admire you Cerub for just getting on with it and behaving as though nothing has changed, when for me I often feel as though I just feel too ashamed to write much here. I know that is ridiculous and you will all tell me so
I found out tonight that my horrendous husband has just updated his FB status (what a twat to even be doing such a thing) to say he is "in a relationship". Having recently changed it to "single". And having never bothered to write a bloody thing on FB. I have blocked him and need to tell my friends to either do the same or stop telling me things about him - I just can't bear it.
We're up in Scotland at the moment - apparently quite near chesti who might be here this weekend. I saw today on a signpost that we're 76 miles from John O'Groats - miles away!!!
I really do want to try to write more here, especially the more I feel as though I can write without fear, in terms of the divorce (knowing that H has looked up my posts on MN before).
Hope all are well, and I shall try to be more involved and less self-involved..!
Oh LadyM - very good to see you posting & yes, you have no need to feel ashamed. I just hope everyone is looking after you well & you feel well- supported despite HH's antics. Do you feel you're moving forward with practicalities?
Are you visiting friends / family in Scotland or just having a break? Hope you & Chesti manage a cuppa - we'll have almost squared the circle of meets between us. Just Kate I think & not sure I even know where you are KAte, except a long way from anyone I think?
Failed in our fire starting tonight. After bloody ages of manly faffing about screwing bits of paper to the smallest, least burnable sticks ever a few attempts, the lighter broke & it doesn't seem worth going out to get a new one tonight. Tomorrow I will be more forceful in my attempts at direction. My allotment fires were awesome I think dp remembers this and is scared
Yes, it's really good to see you back and posting mucky though I know you have to be very careful what you say and don't blame you for lying low for whatever reason. It's a hell of a lot to go through. The FB status is a blindsider but hopefully in time you'll start to feel pity for this poor unfortunate woman rather than upset at what your ragbag XH is doing.
I like the sound of the gender wars chez ALL over who can make fire (beats chest). Have you demonstrated your superiority this evening?
How did the boys enjoy their birthday?
Feeling a bit glum this weekend myself. Nothing much behind it, just a feeling that everyone's been really busy and occupied over the Easter break so the offers of meeting friends have dried up and I've felt a bit lonely and 'obviously single' for the first time. I'm not sitting round expecting to be invited by the way and am quite prepared to initiate the moves, but the two friends I tried today were both elsewhere and others are just returning from hols so not available either.
Meanwhile XH was here to take S&R out for the day and I could just barely look at him or speak to him, I just felt too sad/angry/left behind. I really could do with contact happening somewhere else but since I am not allowing overnight contact yet then there's nothing much for it but for it to be centred around this house.
Oh, and I had the house valued the other day which was supposed to be a SECRET and blew it immediately by leaving the bloody evidence in the kitchen so he saw it, and I had to admit it. Am so annoyed with myself, I'm useless at this business. I can't even decide whether I should get started with proceedings.
Love the new pics on FB - Cerub your profile pic and ALL allotment antics
One thing I wanted to mention last night C was that "apparently" it's better to get started sooner rather than later in a case like yours because there might be some guilt floating around which might lead to a better outcome for you. (As well it should IMO...)
Took the girls horse-riding on Brora beach today. Was amazing. Last time we took them J was recovering from hospital and was, ahem, very much not on form. Today was amazing, I suppose mainly because I thought she'd be difficult again and she just took to it so confidently I was very proud I didn't even need to be there, and she chose the biggest pony horse they had
Just one more week up here until we come back to London...
Cerub - I know what you mean about that sudden realisation of being single. I think it's going to take a while to fully sink in, you know, the whole single mother thing. I don't know about your relationship, but in my case I am in many ways hugely relieved - it was starting to feel like a lead weight around my neck and in so many ways life will be less stressful. We will undoubtedly be poorer (especially if the ratbag has his way) but... who cares? (Within reason!!!)
Good to have you back Mucky. Was getting worried, but had assumed that you were just keeping a low profile. It's easy to forget that this is a completely open forum and that you are writing for all to see.
Am forging ahead with the potty training this week. J has completely cracked it. D is hopeless trying his best. Would be lovely to meet up if you are free Mucky. I'm curious to find out how on earth you have ended up away up here! Brora must have been freezing this morning. I'm free tomorrow, and Wed afternoon if you fancy it.
Lovely picture of the boys on their birthday ALL. Hope you have more luck with the fire tonight. My parents have an open coal fire, and I love it.
Hope you are feeling ok cerub. I still feel sock on your behalf, so heaven knows what you are feeling.
Uh oh, nightmare Chesti - drastic action from D to escape potty training! I hope they feel better soon. Good news on j tho.
We had a poo incident last night . W always needs the loo the minute we sit down for dinner but is great - goes, is efficient & comes straight back to eat. J is learning the art of lying (but Mummy said I could jump off the table / use sharp knife) and has worked out needing the loo is a good ruse to leave the table. So last night we said we didn't believe him & wouldn't let him go. Poor thing was telling the truth for once .
Boys had a lovely bday thanks Cerub. Got a photo cake with that Fb pic (was actually a few weeks ago - Will was a bit pox battle-scarred for pretty bday pics ). J had asked for a cake with him on so was made up. Took it to share at playgroup since we don't have anyone to party with and j's face was a picture. Then we went to the safari park & did the rides. Will is still a bit up & down after the pox & i really didn't think he was up to it but they both had a brilliant time. Then we had a cake & jelly tea with my homemade bday cake - wonky frog and not-so-cute chick. At least they recognised what they were supposed to be.....
I'm sorry you've had a difficult weekend. I guess that is the sort of time when it really gets to you. No helpful words really, but (()).
So is ratbag less set on 50:50 custody now he's 'in a relationship' or do you think the status update was just to hurt you? Did you have a battle to take the girls away (guessing he's not there anyway.....)
Had a look at local horse riding after seeing your pics. Feels like there are a lot more expensive opportunities once they are 3. Our stables won't take them til they're 5 tho - bit of a shame.
Right.. Stuff. Child-free & had a lovely busy morning but I need another week off to get through my to- do list! All good stuff.
So much potty training going on here. I think I can finally claim Alasdair has cracked it (bear in mind he is 1-2 years older than everyone else). Sadly that turns out to be kind of my fault - my new specialist subject is poo compaction. Basically constipation that I ignored due to the side effect of more squidgy stuff oozing out constantly. Yes, lovely, and I've been getting angry (mostly internally) at him for his inability to control it over the last 9 months. Have managed to fix it with dietary changes - now a little worried about his teeth as his dried fruit intake is quite staggering.
Magnus has had his tonsils and adenoids out and grommets put in. That went very well - certainly due to his not stopping eating or drinking in any way. Bit scary when you are used to being able to hear him breathe through a couple of doors to having to get right up close at night, but he is sleeping. All night. Finally!!!
Don't want to think about the boys and ponies. The love of my life (Clydesdale cross gelding) was put down 10 days before the boys were born, and I am still on target to replace him (Ha! As if!) once we get through one year of primary. So 2015. The boys have been on a pony ride with their cousin, and had a sit on the pony I borrow from a friend when I can. Alasdair was not happy (like most of my family and horses), Magnus looked right at home. He says he wants to go jumping!! My horsey friends mostly have wee ones now, there will be ponies available if I want to go down that route.
Mucky - glad to hear from you, love seeing your pictures on FB. So sorry H. is being an arse.