After the birth and having parents-in-law to stay

[negomiWtoB1]

Hello,

I'm new to mumsnet. I'm English / British with a (West) Bengali husband, and we're expecting our first child in a few months. He really wants his parents who are retired to come from India and stay with us for a few weeks from just before the birth to a few weeks afterwards. I get on well with his parents but have some concerns about having them stay with us in our not very big flat - added stress, etc.

My mum lives very close by to us and is willing to help out right after the birth.

So do you have any advice about when we should agree for his parents to come? Before the birth, right after, or a few weeks after?

Thanks!

[Want2bSupermum]

You don't need overnight visitors for about 3 months after. I live abroad and I've done it three times now. After 3 months you have a bit of a routine in place and a better idea of how your baby is.

[Pendu]

My in laws are coming (fingers crossed) from about a week or so before until a few months after. It depends how they and you are - I (hope!) my MIL will be a lot of help - she will take over most cooking and housework as well as looking after me Abit which will free me up to look after the baby and my dc. They won't interfere much as they haven't been in UK before and I can barely speak to them but are fairly easy going and I certainly won't be expected to run around after them as such (obviously I will look after them as much as I can but they are family, not "guests") . I find in the indian culture parents and in laws are generally very helpful around this time - making lots of nutritious food etc, unlike my mum who wanted me to clean her house when I stayed with her after dc1 was born.

If they expected to be treated like royalty , leave it a few months but if they will be helpful then let them come when they want (if you feel comfortable)

[fuzzywuzzy]

Do you get on with your in laws? Are they the kind of people who will help and take care of you and cook and clean and let you rest and bond with baby and establish feeding etc?

Or will they expect you to be attending to them?

depending on how they are and how you feel, it could be great or it could be awful.

[TheSunnySide]

You are going to get two answers.

1. Be grateful to have someone poking around in your things and doing the stuff your husband should be stepping up and doing.
   

1. Don't let them come until you are settled and then make them stay in a hotel.
   

Somewhere in the middle is probably best.

[pleasemothermay1]

Yes I would say a hotel its diffcult when yur trying to establish your self as a mum without someone hover over you

[IDontLookMyAge76]

Most asian/east asian cultures support women who have just given birth ie do Al the house work, cooking etc so you can concentrate on BF if that's what you're planning on doing. You'll prob find the MIL will just keep the house ticking over so you can concentrate on the baby for the first month or so