Are there any black mummies with mixed babies on here?

(13 Posts)
ColourfulMummy101 Mon 07-Dec-15 08:48:40

Salut,

I am a black Parisian married to an English man. I am expecting our first child and I am excited but very nervous.

I am excited to see what my baby girl will look like but also scared that some people may not think she is mine. I know, I am probably overreacting, but I have noticed all my black gf with mixed children tend to have fairer looking children. I don't know if this is a universal thing, but I have also noticed this in my family too! I want my daughter to have some colour in her skin, it is the least she can do after sitting in my womb for 9 months ;) jk.

Of course, it is all genetics.

Also, how do we create the balance of both her heritages? Do I give her an English first name and an ethnic middle name? I know it down to what we decide in the end but I never really thought about this in great depth until we got pregnant. We were indeed colour blind!

Please, any knowledge is most welcome!

Merci,
CM101

Tamponlady Tue 08-Dec-15 20:45:32

Me

Tamponlady Tue 08-Dec-15 20:53:01

I do think your worrying about nothing really our daughter is quite dark Ipeople don't really question it however we live in a area were their is a high proportion on mixed children

Re names just giver your child the name you like I have two children and when babies are born you can tell if the name you like suits them

In terms of creating a balance I am afraid it's not necessarily that easy we raise our daughter how others view her not what her exact ethnic origin is

People will view my daughter as a lack women and also I don't allow people to fetishise my mixed dd she is very pretty however I don't want her getting on a high horse because her skin is light or she has loose curly hair

NKFell Thu 10-Dec-15 15:52:51

I have a black Mum and white Dad but me and my siblings are quite dark and we have afro hair whereas my children with a white Father are quite light.

I live in a predominantly white area but everyone still assumes they're mine! My Mum's Dominican/Haitian so I felt it was important to include her name in there just as it's part of my name but, it really is personal choice.

Gummydrops Sun 27-Dec-15 20:32:30

Hi, I would suggest you call your child what you like, she is Your child not anyone else's. However you seem to care a lot about her skin shade light or dark skin and that makes me feel sad. In terms of raising your child should err is equality equally part of you an rd her father, therefore know both cultures will be very important. However as you are living in a different country please do not feel you feel you have to neutralise your culture. As a African mother, I see this a lot as some of my friends want their child to fit in so much the erase their I am identity to do so. If you want to raise a confident child of colour the best thing you can do is encourage your child to love and embrace their difference rather than to b ed asha med of it, please d not feed into colourism. There are a lot of lovely children books that celebrate being of mixed heritage.

3littlebadgers Sun 27-Dec-15 20:49:07

Hi, we're mixed race but as in I'm white British and DH is Asian, so not quite the same but then again sort of. Non of my children look the same, ds2 has got quite fair hair and yet has the darkest skin tone and my eldest, is very pale, but his eyes and hair are so dark brown they look black. Dd1 has hazel eyes, light brown hair and skin that is pale but turns olive in the faintest of sun light. They are all perfect to me and neither DH or myself have been questioned if they are ours even though as a family we look really mismatched smile I guess our body language lets people know we come as a set.
As for heritage, you do what suits you. We picked names from DH's country that travelled well, in terms of sound, so that they were simple enough to pronounce but also the combination of sounds sounded pleasant. We also speak both languages and observe holidays in both cultures (any excuse for a celebration) wink. Try not to worry, you, DH, and your baby will find what works well for your family.

ColourfulMummy101 Wed 06-Jan-16 17:03:05

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

truthwithin Tue 26-Jan-16 01:13:54

I'm mixed race and have an English first name, but my middle and last name are long, complicated and I filling in forms.

Name your children whatever really resonates with you. Mine are named after beautiful places and stars. You can break with tradition.

Although that surname, spelling it out time after time,will irritate. Every business contact I have knows me first name and description. It is far to time consuming to go over my surname.

TeaAddict235 Wed 24-Feb-16 19:59:22

Gummydrops, I agree with you. Colourfulmum you asked for advice yet aggressively responded when given both sides of the coin. Your post does seem to show a bit of a lack of understanding of biology when it comes to complexion, and also, naturally curiosity. You state " but I have noticed all my black gf with mixed children tend to have fairer looking children ", but if you consider a white parent, they would say the exact opposite, "mixed children tend to appear darker than me". Not even the top geneticists can predict skin complexion (phenotypes) from a simple genotype. Yes, you are excited, so all that I can suggest for fear of reprisal, is......you have to wait and see.

Toribee Thu 07-Apr-16 21:55:49

Hello,
In my case, even though my daughter is much lighter than I am (in fact almost the same skin tone as her dad), no one bats an eyelid when they see us together. However if she's out and about with dad, lots of people look at him in a weird way.

Another experience to add is that i was out with a white female friend of mine who has a mixed race son and everyone kept assuming i was the mother, not the white woman.

I think a lot of people in society see "white" and "non-white" so a mixed race child will always be associated with the darker parent (in my opinion/experience).

In a nutshell, don''t worry about having to explain the baby is yours, if anything, your husband will be the one doing the explaining.

tracie257 Mon 30-May-16 22:04:34

I've recently had a mixed race little girl I'm black and her dad is white. She has black hair and her skin is just like her dads. I have quite a few people make comments about her skin tone whether negative or positive.
I've had people ask me if she is my child, am I fostering or have I adopted. To me it makes no difference what she looks like as my main concern when pregnant was that she would be healthy. I don't care what people say what matters is your own opinion I love my daughter and I wouldn't change her for the world. Bearing in mind she basically has all my facial features so regardless of her skin tone it's pretty obvious she is my child. smile

Roger56 Wed 01-Jun-16 14:55:19

Dear Colourfulmummy101,
I often have similar worries but from a different perspective: I'm a fifty-six-year-old father of a 17-month-old daughter; occasionally people assume I must be her grandfather. Also I'm white, in fact I'm damned near transparent, and my wife is black, I'm much older than my wife too, and we're from very different cultures. I got used to the question: 'Are you together?' (sometimes meaning, 'Is this man bothering you?') a long time ago. Even though our daughter is quite fair skinned, she looks much more like her mum in other ways.
The only thing I recommend is that you focus on what is beautiful about your children - and there will be plenty - and the rest will take care of itself. Teach them to be proud and respectful of their cultural heritages and they will grow to figure out what works best in relation to their individual needs and interests, whatever cultural context they find themselves in.

WellieWanger Sat 21-Jan-17 10:09:48

I don't think your concerns are unfounded. Perhaps it depends where you live but I often get comments on how my DD looks nothing like me (are you sure she's yours? Mega fucking lolz hmm ) She is white, blue eyed with a blonde afro. It used to really bother me but now I would advise that if anyone comments you call them out on making unecessary comments. Nothing overly rude but you are not the one who should feel uncomfortable over their comments-they should. Somebody told me about a blog called 'i'm not the nanny' or something similar about a mother in the same situation. However your lovely baby may be your double. And they may not. Don't let it be too much of a focus for you.
With names-i am mixed race but neither name is English. A french name and a Malian name. And an African surname (pre marriage). DD has two British names which we chose just because we liked them but a second west african middle name to remind her of heritage.

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