Anyone know about the Muslim religion? ...advice please!

(23 Posts)
Angelina7 Sun 04-Aug-13 08:42:49

Hello,

My bf is Muslim, and we are expecting a baby next month. We are not married and he suggested going to the mosque to see someone who will read out the qur'an & I guess make our baby allowed in the eyes of Allah. Forgive me if I have put that really badly but I am English, not religious, and wondering what this is all about, can anyone inform me more about what this is/ what it would mean or what would happen or we would have to do?

Thank you :-)

SilverSixpence Sun 04-Aug-13 16:25:18

Hm not heard of this, does it sound like he might be thinking of Nikah ceremony? This is an Islamic wedding though so you should be aware (they would ask for your permission). There isn't a ceremony to make the baby acceptable or anything like that, the baby is considered to be born pure and free from sin regardless of the religion of the parents.

SilverSixpence Sun 04-Aug-13 16:28:47

He could just want a 'blessing' or prayers from the imam or some other religious person but this doesn't have any special legal significance. If that's all, then someone would probably say some prayers in Arabic and you would either sit or stand in front of them. You may be expected to cover your hair and cover arms/legs.

Angelina7 Mon 05-Aug-13 01:49:45

Thank you for your advice SilverSixpence. He said it doesn't involve documents or anything like that, so not sure it cld be a wedding & I would certainly want to know if it is!!! Hopefully it's just a kind of blessing, I will hav to query this further with him! Thank u x

SilverSixpence Mon 05-Aug-13 07:59:54

No problem, If you have any other questions I'm happy to help

crescentmoon Wed 07-Aug-13 09:55:17

Lol I think it is a nikah marriage ceremony he is after- ask him if he means that. You wouldn't be married under civil law even if it was a document but he might just be looking to have the relationship recognised religiously. Although can u have a nikah without at least a certificate?

Tiptops Thu 08-Aug-13 22:05:57

Hmm, strange. The only way your baby would be halal (allowed/permissable Islamically) would be if you were married. I have heard of people having the Qur'an read on them when they were unwell, but not sure if this is the type of reading your boyfriend is asking for. Best to just ask him outright.

poppingin1 Tue 13-Aug-13 11:28:54

Sounds like a blessing of your union to me, whatever that may mean.

As far as I know, nothing needs to be done for the baby until after birth. Then there is usually lots of ceremony to be getting on with.

This BBC site gives a simple yet clear idea of post birth rites, as does this one.

I think he is trying to get a marital blessing done before the baby is born. It wouldn't be legally binding in this country but if it is what he is doing, it would be spiritually binding in the Muslim community. If you ever did split up you would need to have a divorce under Sharia law. But really that would only be necessary if you wanted to marry another Muslim or decided to convert yourself at some point.

As a non Muslim, a marital blessing only ties you in if you believe it does.

It would however give him a lot of legal control over you, and especially the baby, if you were ever to travel to any Islamic country.

poppingin1 Tue 13-Aug-13 11:32:29

If a marital blessing is what he is trying to achieve, he is probably doing it so your child will be seen as a legitimate part of his community. Otherwise he may feel your child will be ostracised and potentially treated as an illegitimate child.

dysfunctionallynormal Sat 17-Aug-13 21:17:36

Hey!

In the islamic culture (it isn't a religious necessity) it is customary to have an imam recite a prayer into the baby's ear soon after it is born. It is done for spiritual reasons,i.e the first words a child should hear is God's name and blessing. The thought behind it is that the childs soul will always carry gods blessing and protection throughout its life on earth and the devil/satan will never be able to lay claim to that soul (even if child grows up and comits any sins).

It isn't anything to be scared or wary about. It would be perfectly alright for you to also have a priest present to give your child a blessing too.

Have you decided on whether you will be bringing your child up mixed faith or muslim? If you've decided on muslim then please be aware that circumcision is part of that (not that you HAVE to get it done).

Not having this blessing would NOT ostracise your child from the asian community or culture. In islam a child is an innocent soul and therefore cannot be 'punished'. If any adult treats your child with any less respect or consideration because they didn't have this blessing then they are not the kind of person you'd want your chikd around anyway.

As a note, a Nikah is basically 'wedding vows'. You would only have that performed by an imam if you were getting married :-) (you would still need to have a civil ceremony to comply and have yoyr marriage recognised under british law).

Congrats on being a mum and all the best xxxx

dysfunctionallynormal Sat 17-Aug-13 21:27:42

Also,just to be on the safe side if i were you i would take along a witness (an exclusive friend of yours-NOT his) and i would also ask that the imam translates everything into english. If he cannot speak english then i would insist on one who can. This is for your protection. Your partner should be explaining all this to you :-0

Do not sign or agree to anything (a childs blessing does not require a signature anyway) unless it has been explained to you in english and witnessed.

A nikah is basically a marriage so don't let ur partner fool you otherwise. Also,just to let you know that if he wants to marry you then there are things (as the husband) that he has to agree to BEFORE you have the nikah ceremony-things that basically give you rights under islamic law.

crescentmoon Sun 18-Aug-13 05:25:16

Very true dysfundtional. The reason I lol'ed at this scenario is iv heard it a few times, a non Muslim woman goes along to the mosque for a 'meeting' with the imam with her Muslim boyfriend. He, racked by guilt, arranges a nikah ceremony and tells her 'its not official just something I need to do in my religion!'. And she goes along with it because its not a marriage by British law as its not done in a civil registry office. Her boyfriend just wants it done for spiritual/community reasons.

But if it is about the ceremony after a baby is born then yes it's the reciting in the baby's ear, shaving the head and giving the hair's weight in silver to charity, having a sheep slaughtered and distributing the meat to poor people. That is done for the child regardless if his/her parents were married/not married. A way of introducing that child to the community and giving thanks for the child. So it might be this that the OPs boyfriend wants to be overseen in the mosque though most of the time its done by individuals not requiring an imam to be there.

PeriodMath Sun 18-Aug-13 06:19:45

Don't you think your partner is the best person to answer these questions? If you cannot get a straight answer out of him or you sense he's not giving you the full story, then I would be seriously questioning your relationship.

Do you want your baby to be a Muslim? If I was a person of no faith, I wouldn't want to indoctrinate my baby into any religion, particularly one so alien to me.

Mum2toomany Sun 18-Aug-13 06:43:16

Your cant have a nikkah while pregnant...

dysfunctionallynormal Sun 18-Aug-13 17:20:29

@Mum2toomany - yes you can. I've seen it happen countless times. Pregnancy does not bar from getting married.

@Crescentmoon - i totally get what you mean. I've seen asian guys pull a fast one and dupe their partners. A woman in love -especially one not familiar with their partners religion-won't expect him to be devious nor recognise it when it is being done. Some asian guys want to have their cake and eat it and don't care how they go about it. Thank god my brother is not like that! :-)

dysfunctionallynormal Sun 18-Aug-13 17:27:38

@Mum2toomany - yes you can. I've seen it happen countless times. Pregnancy does not bar from getting married.

@Crescentmoon - i totally get what you mean. I've seen asian guys pull a fast one and dupe their partners. A woman in love -especially one not familiar with their partners religion-won't expect him to be devious nor recognise it when it is being done. Some asian guys want to have their cake and eat it and don't care how they go about it. Thank god my brother is not like that! :-)

crescentmoon Sun 18-Aug-13 18:30:19

i think because a nikah can be completely casual - you dont need to post banns, can decide almost on the day, walk into a mosque and ask the imam if hes not busy, pull two strangers in from the prayer room to act as witnesses, the non muslim woman doesnt need a wali as a muslim woman might need, its very different from a church or registry wedding so the guy says 'its just a nikah'. that actually may not be what the OPs boyfriend is planning. but as poppin said:

"I think he is trying to get a marital blessing done before the baby is born. It wouldn't be legally binding in this country but if it is what he is doing, it would be spiritually binding in the Muslim community. If you ever did split up you would need to have a divorce under Sharia law. But really that would only be necessary if you wanted to marry another Muslim or decided to convert yourself at some point."

so really, it can mean nothing, just something for the man to assuage his feelings of guilt or make the relationship ok with his family and community. the non muslim partner can take it seriously or not, it isnt legally binding unless they split up and she wants to marry another muslim man.

there are lots of issues with the nikah being a non legally recognised ceremony arent there dysfunctional, there are still women who do not realise until after they have been married and had 2/3 children and go for divorce that under british law their marriage was never recognised. only child maintenance not alimony, but there are some young couples, muslim/muslim as well as non muslim/muslim, who prefer just ot get the spiritual part and not bother with the civil registry after.

dysfunctionallynormal Mon 19-Aug-13 00:38:59

U are right,Crescent. Some ppl do treat it casually but i would be very wary of one who does. Fortunately the more progressive muslims understand how it is being misrepresented and abused and are working towards educating ppl about it. I do feel that if more muslim women were given a stronger and more prominent role in society there would be less piss taking. However,i dnt see that day coming anytime soon. I just wish more non muslim thought it through and researched it for themselves before agreeing to it.

RussianBlu Tue 20-Aug-13 00:36:00

I find it quite interesting that he has the brass neck to bring his baby and girlfriend into the mosque and ask the Imam to read qu'ran for the baby! Also, quite why he wants to do this is beyond me. Did he do it himself when the baby was born? Very odd. I would imagine he is up to something. Does his family know about you?

raisah Fri 30-Aug-13 06:33:20

A case of shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. Stand your ground and dont agree to anything until after the baby is born and your hormones have subsided and you feel human again.

From an Islamic point of view, sex before marriage is forbidden so he doesn't have a moral leg to stand on insisting on a blessing. There is a practice where the fathet of the new born recites a prayer after the birth.

A baby is regarded as innocent in Islamic, there is no question of a child being rejected based on the marital status of its parents. There is no concept of original sin as babies are innocent so a christening is not required to 'wash away sin' as the child hasn't had time to sin unlike your dp!

I suspect that he is trying to trick you into an Islamic marriage and the best thing for you to do is to find out about Islam so you are prepared for any surprises. Unfortunately he is exploiting your lack of knowkedge in this area. I would also encourage him to find out about his faith aswell as he doesn't seem to know much about it.

Teach Yourself Islam by Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood (Hodder Headlines) is a good introductory book written by an English convert. Her books have been used for GCSE RE syllabus.

mignonette Fri 30-Aug-13 06:36:30

I like the belief that children are born pure and free of 'sin'. i am an atheist but that seems more compassionate. I do love some of the Muslim rituals around birth too that I have seen.

Such a misunderstood religion.

SooticaTheWitchesCat Mon 02-Sep-13 11:36:09

It does sound like a Nikah ceremony to me, which is a Muslim marriage. You would be married in the eyes of Allah but lot in the eyes of the law.

Why don't you just ask him what it is he wants you to do?

PerfectPrincess201 Fri 22-Nov-13 14:23:21

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now