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Pakistani mum English Dad. Any others out there???

28 replies

tahira · 06/03/2006 14:44

Hi
Am very lonely. Moved from London to Essex to get away from meddling in laws and have left behind all my old friends and family in the process!!! We love our life the way it is because we make all our own decisions but find the loneliness hard to bear sometimes.
Can't really depend on my in laws to babysit because they don't understand how I feel about pork etc and I'm not sure that they would keep it away from our daughter if I left her with them so we don't get to go out much.
Would be lovely to hear from anyone out there who understands.

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samina17 · 06/03/2006 16:04

Hi Tahira,

I'm married to a Welsh man and we have two lovely boys. I'm sorry that you had to move to get away from your in-laws, mine live in Wales but are lovely!

But I do understand how difficult it can be keeping the two sides happy sometimes, culturally they're so different. But the important thing is that you are happy as a family. Not sure how old your daughter is but I found a good way of making friends was to meet other mothers through play groups, tumbletots etc. Hopefully you might be able to make some new good friends.

tahira · 06/03/2006 22:18

Hi Samina
My daughter is 14 months old. I went to a mother and toddler group before but found that none of the kids or adults mix. They all just stayed in their own little corners of the room.
Might try a different one soon

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ruby1 · 07/03/2006 10:26

Hi Tahira
I know how you feel. I'm also Pakistani, my husband is Indian and we have two lovely children. We are very happy but I often feel lonely as my family are not close by, my in laws used to be really supportive, but recently they have stopped coming round and I don't know why. It's really hurtful and feel really let down.

tahira · 07/03/2006 12:37

Hi Ruby
Whereabouts do you live and are your kids going to be brought up as Muslims?

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ameli · 07/03/2006 14:22

hi ruby nd tahira,

i am pakistani and married to an indian , the cultural diffrences are so hard sometimes, esp understand about being lonely. We moved here 5 years ago and in laws and my family are frm up north , so shouldnt complain , but sometimes its hard finding support.

ameli · 07/03/2006 14:29

where abouts do you live ? im moving 2 barkingside soon.

tahira · 07/03/2006 14:31

Hi Ameli
I'm from Hornchurch Essex. Whereabouts is Barkingside?

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ruby1 · 07/03/2006 14:58

HI Ameli and tahira
I am teaching my children about Islam and my husband has converted, so we could have the nika, but he doesn't practise fully.
I live in Nottingham, shame ur so far away. People don't understand how difficult it is, although I am very happy with my family life it would nice to talk to someone who is in a similar situation to myself.

ameli · 07/03/2006 15:45

hi guys , barkingside is in essex, very close to ilford and clayhall. I have been to Nottingham and think its a lovely place went to uni in leic.

tahira · 07/03/2006 16:36

Hi Ruby1
you're situation is IDENTIAL to mine!!!
My husband also converted (on paper) so that we could get married. Although he has stopped drinking, smoking and eating pork. This new year he made a promise to not eat anything that isn't halal and so far he hasn't-he's a good boy really!!!! LOL
He tries to take an interest in Islam and has attempted to read prayers with me once or twice but nothing major. He said he would try and read the Quran in English but I won't hold my breath!!!
Email me privately if you like. Just because we don't live close by doesn't mean we can't have a gossip and a bitch about our lives!!!! LOL
[email protected]

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tahira · 07/03/2006 16:38

Amelia
When do you move? Do you drive?

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themothership · 07/03/2006 18:19

Hi everyone

Tahira & Ruby - snap!!! I'm Pakistani, dh converted before we got married so we could do nikah... I guess neither of us are 'practising' although I would describe myself as having a strong sense of faith, and very aware of the fact that I want to give my 9 month old dd a clear sense of her cultural and religious identity as a muslim.

There are other muslim / Pakistani women at the mother and toddler group that I go to, and they've been very friendly, but they don't know dh is white and do sometimes make comments about the other white people at the group, which makes me feel awkward. I'd be really keen to meet other families like us.

tahira · 07/03/2006 20:23

Hi themothership and other traitors to the cause!!!!!
We should all meet up-all the black sheep of our Asian families, and maybe chant and dance round the campfire. We've all got to be mad not to have married within our own!!! LOL!!!!
But you've got to admit-our kids are more gorgeous!!!!!!!

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ruby1 · 08/03/2006 09:31

Hi Everyone
It's so good to hear from u all. I think it would be a great idea to meet. Where do you live mothership?

ameli · 08/03/2006 10:03

hi , i dont drive but plan to pass soon

ameli · 08/03/2006 10:04

oh , moving next week

tahira · 08/03/2006 11:44

Hi everyone
How old are all your kids and how many have you?
I've just got the one and she's 14 months.

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ameli · 08/03/2006 15:59

hi all ,

my lil boy is also 14 months.

themothership · 08/03/2006 16:33

Hiya

I'm in Hackney, East London, but am like Ameli and don't drive, which is a bit embarrassing at my age... Blush

I have a gorgeous 9.5 month old little girl. She happens to be one of those super alert, non-sleeping babies, who won't sleep outside the house, so we do tend to be quite limited unfortunately in terms of going out because we have to time everything round her naps Sad. Um, but I'd really love to meet up if we can find a way round all these things!!!

tahira · 08/03/2006 16:44

Themothership

You've kidnapped my kid!!!!!

Mine is exactly the same and she's 14 months old!!!!

She's incredible vocal. We were shopping in Tesco once through her nap time and a lady actually stopped to say "she's got a great set of lungs!!!!"

We were soooooo embarrassed that we left the full trolley where it was and legged it home in a cab-then paid for it to be delivered to our home through the internet!!!

Unfortunately I don't drive either!!! Blush

When are your little ones nap times? Hopefully if they're regular, we can work around them!!!

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tahira · 08/03/2006 17:11

HELP!!!
I'VE JUST SAVED OVER A FILE I NEEDED IN WORD 2003!!!!!!!!

CAN I GET IT BACK?????

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themothership · 09/03/2006 10:53

Was out last night, so am probably too late to help with your word doc (often word will have a 'recovered' file, or will certainly have the last version of the doc that you saved). Hope you managed to sort it out.

I wonder whether it's just us, or whether there's something more to Asian women not driving Wink - my father wouldn't let me learn when I was at school, and I've never really had a proper opportunity since then. Really need to sort it out though, especially now I've got a kid.

Anyway, poor little dd is ill at the moment with that horrible gastric flu, but usually she has a morning nap at around 9am, and then a lunchtime one at 1pm (for about 1.5 hours). Then she's up for the rest of the afternoon until bedtime. If you guys are in Essex, then would either Stratford or Liverpool St be easy for you to get to? Both are easy for me, although I don't know Stratford that well - there's bound to be places that we could go for coffee or something though.

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tahira · 09/03/2006 12:06

Hi the mothership
Yes, I know stratford quite well. We used to live in West Ham which you could either walk to or get the district line and it was just 1 stop.

There's a halal chicken shop there and Nandos which is also Halal...Mmmmm. Love Nandos!!!!

Haven't been there is ages so as long as you don't mind the possibility of getting lost that'll be great!!!

Email me privately (don't want any paki bashers to turn up after reading our messages!!!!)

[email protected]

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themothership · 10/03/2006 12:35

I'm vegetarian Wink
...but Nandos do veggie stuff too so that's fine.

Dd is recovering from gastric flu, so I'll email at the start of next week once she's more settled and more predictable.

Looking forward to meeting up!

tahira · 11/03/2006 06:05

Hi the mothership
sorry to hear about dd-there's so much of that about!!!!
Our whole family has just recovered from having a cold so we've been quite lucky.
Look forward to meeting up (even if you are a veggie-joke!!!) Wink
Yes, nandos has some great veggie stuff and if you don't fancy it we can always go somewhere else-no problem!!!

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