Hi my DH is ghanian and I am british and am concerned that his parents want to dictate to my 1 year son. There are many traditions in the Ghanian culture when my son was born there was a naming ceremony which I understand is just like a christening. I don't mind my son learning about the culture but find that whenever I ask a question like why is there a naming cermony or why are you speaking to my son in your mother tongue when I don't it is as if I should not question why, this is the way it is and this is how we work. Being a new mother my possesive streak is strong how should I tackle my DH family as it happens with all of them. They are nice enough but it is a bit annoying . i.e I will go to MIL house and they will talk in mother tongue to son fine this is not an issue if you explain what you are talking about . I sit there at a lost as this is not even discussed. How should you approach this ?
Hi vineyard dnt think this will help but I can sympathise! My dp is Ugandan we have 2 girls 6 and 4 and one on the way! Ever since Iet dp's family 8 years ago they have openly spoken in their language amongst themselves laughing chatting away having a good time and I have just been sat there like hmmm what the joke? Sometimes I think are they doing it on purpose ? Wen I have questions dp he doesn't know what the problem Is and gets his back up ! I've given up now and get used to jus sitting in the corner like the stuid White girl who hasn't got a clue !
It's rather rude in my opinion! DH is Nigerian but his family always speaks in English when I'm around as do I when my family is around (german). They might not realise how it feels for you though. Have you showed any interest in their culture and language? Once you try to learn some phrases, their behaviour might change.
Yea I have but no they don't change ! It is very rude ! But his sister doesn't like me at all and always asks him to babysit in her language and he agrees then I know nothing about it until she drops them off at 7am on a Sunday am!
That's awful Cheeky! I bet it's you who ends up looking after your DN despite DH arranging it? How many nieces/nephews do you end up babysitting? Only positive aspect I can think of is that your child will hopefully have a good bond to his cousins because of this. To be honest, I would probably stop joining your husband when he goes to see his family if they can't respect you. not very helpful advice
I think these things do take a lot of time and effort to over come prejudices. I think eventually dh family got used to me asking why with things, and accepted it was just curiosity rather than being rude. Different culture, but there definitely seemed to be a similar theme of we do it just because, and it was wrong to question! It helps if you do a bit of your own research too, to show interest and give them a starting point.
I wouldn't get too uptight about them speaking to your son in their own language, it will be good for him to learn bits of it. If you keep listening to it for long enough, you will pick up bits sooner or later too! In dh family, a couple of them don't speak much english at all so it isn't fair to them neither to have all conversations in english, so there does have to be a balance. I think you need to have words with your dh though, he should be translating bits that are particularly relevant to you, and making sure you aren't isolated all of the time.
I think some cultures tend to be more wider family orientated that english culture too, so it might feel that they are a bit hands on with your son, and interfering even! You will just have to be polite and firm - but the support can be great too!
I think tbh it is your dh that is at the most fault here, for not supporting you more.
Yea it's annoying ! Especially as I'm 38 weeks pregnant ! I'm scared she will dump them on us and I go into labour and have to go to hosp alone ! As I can't find emergency care for 4 kid (2 of hers ) she is jelous of our relationship aswell which makes it hard ! Wen I first got with dp she used to shove me wen no one was looking ! Jus to b nasty until my mum caught her and told her she saw what she did ! It's v immature ! I did stop going to family gatherings in the end and I told him y ( because no one talks to me/ joins me in on the joke or convo) he jus says yea yea ok dnt come then ! I cudnt give a cack anymore ! I'm polite wen I see them and that's jus about it now !