Well I thought the idea of it would be easier than I thought not easy just easier than it seems to be. You know how it seems I maybe it's just my kids but aren't black people's features stronger than white people's genetically? I knew that and I thought I could look pass that and I am in that I don't want to give them up or wish I would have made other choices than to parent. I'm still content with the decision I know I am a better person because I chose to parent it improved my life. I started out jobless homeless essentially and struggling with substance abuse because a serial of traumatic events I'd probably still be the person I once was when I found out I was pregnant I was first scared and shocked I had no signs for 18 weeks besides a missed period. I got clean in that time and looked into adoption... Then 3 months later I decided I wanted to parent and from then on I haven't changed that from being the goal of being the best parent I can to them... I work two jobs and have pretty much had to do it all on my own... I am happy that it's this way then like before. I do of course love them and have ever since they were born. It's just like one thing I love them it's still hard to see them as mine when they look like all of him... Like for one being so young it's weird like lactation and breastfeeding seems so weird like unusual for me to be doing... I guess I have been a child so long it's hard to believe I'm a woman and a mom to 2 kids really is different... It's weird I'm a mom when a second ago I was so naive to the world... People see me and think I need parental consent for everything it seems. That's kind of an unreal feeling... Also second thing is why I posted this in here. Well I'm German American. Blonde with blue eyes. Pretty typical all-american look though. So I guess I don't look pure German even though I am. Anyway well my step-dad's Swedish American and like a real supremacist at that. He analyzes every feature like he seems to always know who's what race... He mom my sister and most of my immediate family have seen my kids. No one seems to notice they're biracial that they're half black. When I see Jude I know he's not white but he doesn't look really bblack like eskimo native american mexican maybe even hawaiian. my daughter just looks white mostly because of my light features she has. It's not exactly their that is a little difficult to get used to it;s that they just look like him... When I see them it's hard for me to see them as my children really like because they look so much like him. My son has his nose mouth eyes and hair color. My daughter has his nose and mouth as well. I worry if it gets less bearable or easier as of now it's getting easier but idk what the future holds just that I care about them more than anything. Despite how they came to be I just wish I could accept them.... I don't dislike them for it I know they are just innocent babies who I care about deeply but connecting as a mother-daughter or mother to son bonds are hard to when I don't see myself but I'm working on it. It's just another struggle I guess. I know most have loving relationships with the one they had an ir relationship with here however obviously that isn't the case here. The reminder isn't pleasant but I know I can do anything for them.
Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.
Multicultural families
anyone having issues wih accepting child advice?
1boy1girl1mom · 05/05/2012 14:46
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