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Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

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Asian mums

19 replies

ruby1 · 30/01/2006 17:21

Have you married uotside your culture/faith?

OP posts:
ameli · 31/01/2006 12:37

hi ruby, i am pakistani and married an indian muslim. The culture is very different, lang/food etc. what about you?

ruby1 · 01/02/2006 17:48

hi Ameli
I am also Pakistani, my husband is indian, from a sikh background. We are a very solid family unit, however the 'community' find it hard to accept us.

OP posts:
ameli · 05/02/2006 18:44

I JUST TRY TO BE MYSELF NOW, AS I FEEL IT IS A BATTLE WE CANT WIN. HOWEVER, I WILL ALWAYS TRY TO TRY MY BEST ACCORDING TO THE CULTURE, ITS A TWO WAY THING.

elmie · 12/03/2006 15:29

Hi everyone!
Just read messages, I am an muslim Bangli and my partner is english white. I have notice that you do get looked at in asia areas but in white areas you don't. I do not care, they can look, but we are happy, thats all that matters. I live in a mainly white area which is nicer then asia areas and it makes me feel unconfortable to go to asia areas because of the looking, My parnter really does not like it!!!The looking that is!
I hope you understand my message!

tahira · 12/03/2006 17:08

Hi Elmie
I know what you mean. Me and my husband (I'm Pakistani and my husband is white) used to live in East London. We used to get funny looks all the time, especially from the older men with the beards and topis. We didn't want our kids growing up and being looked down on so we moved to a white area.
We absolutely love it here and have never had ever trouble-the white's are more tolerant of mixed race relationships, unlike our own people who are mentally either stuck back in their own country's or in another century!!

elmie · 12/03/2006 20:00

Hi elmie here,
I was just wondering if anyone with kids finds that their kids have any problems at school or any where else coming from a mix family. My kids find mixing with white children better then black kids, I think this is because their is not many asia children in the school. Its a Church school! I find them strict and less bad langu..
How do your kids fit in?
2 boys (9yrs - 5yrs)

ruby1 · 15/03/2006 17:31

Hi Elmie
I find white people are more tolerant, of my husband and I and our children. I have more white friends, as I find sometimes Asian people look down on me for marrying outside my faith.

OP posts:
elmie · 16/03/2006 12:38

Hi ruby1, I think your abs right! I have lots of white/ Mixed race friends as well. They are nicer towards the kids. Don't Asia people, living in this mixed country for so long, see that they have to accapet change at some point. I mean we have to work and live with people from different back arounds. My friend, who is banglia and I have know her sinces secondary school, is still funny about mix relationships. I think its the faith that people don't get, which one do you follow? I am not a strong beliver nor is my partner, due to the way we were both brought up.

elmie · 16/03/2006 12:38

Hi ruby1, I think your abs right! I have lots of white/ Mixed race friends as well. They are nicer towards the kids. Don't Asia people, living in this mixed country for so long, see that they have to accapet change at some point. I mean we have to work and live with people from different back arounds. My friend, who is banglia and I have know her sinces secondary school, is still funny about mix relationships. I think its the faith that people don't get, which one do you follow? I am not a strong beliver nor is my partner, due to the way we were both brought up.

elmie · 16/03/2006 12:39

SORRY did it again!

Kelly1978 · 16/03/2006 12:46

Society is still very strange about it. I'm white, but dp is Indian. He gets the most evil looks when we go to the mandir, but they are friendly to me, and I don't get it at all! His family are having a very hard time accepting it. My mother doesn't like it, and the neighbours here don't speak much. We end up keepign ourselves to ourselves most of the time.

Two of my children are white from a prev relationship. dd is 5yo, and at school and she seems to make more friends with non white children. She seems to relate to them better though I have no idea why.

Kelly1978 · 16/03/2006 12:48

oh and we follow dp's religion witht he children, although we try to educate them about both. We were both brought up fairly strong believers in our own religions, though I think his was more important to him than mine was. I jsut have my own set of beliefs now which correlate more closly with his.

m4ya · 16/03/2006 13:20

Hi eveeryone,
I am a Indian hindu while my dh is Indian Muslim/Christian. His family have been very good towards the siuation as my dh has 4 sisters and not one of them is married to their 'own kind'... My family however disowned me... my immediate and some of the extended family have now accepted me and dh since the birth if my ds. My mum now loves dh and takes care of his needs more than mine!

ruby1 · 16/03/2006 15:52

Hi M4ya
Lucky you my father has never even met my dh and we've been married for 7 years!! My mum speaks to dh just about, but usually only if she has to!

OP posts:
m4ya · 16/03/2006 18:13

Hi Ruby1,
Im sorry to hear that, but things will get better. I used to think that my family would never except my dh but as time has gone on, they have come around. I think things would have been a ltiile different if my dad was around but he passed away way before i met dh. Just stay positive, your dad and mum will come around. x

sonal1967 · 16/03/2006 22:31

hi everyone,
im new to this site, im indian hindu and my husband is mauritian muslim. My parents were upset at first because of what everyone else might think not wether i was happy or not. They eventually came round and now they think hes a diamond.As for his family they couldnt except me more they were brilliant.

radida · 20/03/2006 14:26

I'm an Indian Hindu, and my DP is White both families have been great, but I do find I/we have loads more white friends that Indian ones!

admylin · 27/03/2006 09:38

Hi, I'm white and dh is pakistani, we went over there before we got married and I was expecting ds and the whole family was really nice infront of me but they nagged him behind my back that it was a sin etc so we agreed to get married and I converted but we did it to please the family - now their biggest problem is that I can't teach thekids urdu and dh hasn't bothered as he says english is enough to get by on the indian continent!
Thinking back I hadn't a clue then about islam or the pakistani culture so I didn't even realise it was really stupid to go their as an unmarried pregnant "girlfriend", so it was luck that the family reacted with such tolerance.

girlchick · 27/03/2006 10:23

Hi I come from a Jewish family (originating from Russia, Poland & Holland!)and my DH is Bangladeshi Muslim. I watched that "A Night on Brick Lane" Saturday, did anyone else see it? It's like my culture and my DH's culture all on one street!

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