Hindus - help please, MIL's gold

[widge]

My MIL had a stroke almost two years ago and is now quite ill. She lives with my BIL and his wife at the moment.

When she was first ill, she asked my dh to put her gold into a bank box, which he has done and everyone knows where it is and that it is safe.

My BIL's wife said years ago that my MIL's gold will be divided between her sons when she dies (she has 2 sons, and 2 daughters as well), because that's what Hindus do. I don't know, as I'm white and my dh isn't sure, its not what we would do, we'd share it out equally between the children, but if that's the tradition he wants to respect that.

However, recently my dh's sister has said that he should make sure all 4 of them get equal shares of her gold, when the time comes. Now I'm concerned that there will be a huge argument (this isn't the sort of family to sit round and discuss things) and my dh will be stuck in the middle of it. The gold isn't very valuable, its the sentimental value of it.

Can any of you help me out here? Advice on this would be much appreciated!

[Kelly1978]

Don't know much, but in dp's family it will go to whoever can get their hands on it! Although, it was intended really for the son's wives I think. His grandad died a couple of years ago and the money went to his widow and his daughter since she was closest, and there have been rows and bad feeling at different times. IME the best thing to do is keep head down and well out of it!

[widge]

Its good to know its not just my dh's family!

I think dh will have to tell his sister its for the sons and ask her to speak to their brother to agree anything different if she doesn't like that. I suspect she's mentioned it to my dh because she thinks he's a softer touch.

[Blu]

As you are a son's wife' who stands to benefit (except that it will doubtelss be hideous, if it's anyhting like what i'm supposed to inherit ), could you perhaps say that since it;'s value is sentimental, you would be happy for a proportion of your share to go to your MIL's daughters, and hope the other SIL's follow suit?

[Kelly1978]

if they are anything like our lot, you'll never please everyone so you should do what you think is right. good luck!

[WigWamBam]

Is your MIL well enough for you to ask her what she wants to happen to it?

As it's sentimental value, I would say that her dds would have an emotional and moral right (as well as a legal one) to have a share of it but I'm not Hindu and don't know what the ins and outs of this would be to someone of that culture.

[bran]

I think that just because something is a tradition it doesn't necessarily mean that it's right or that it should continue. I think that preventing bad feeling in the family is more important than any amount of inheritance and I think Blu's idea would go a long way to keeping everyone happy.

Having said that if your BIL and his wife are looking after her perhaps they should get first choice or some of the most valuable pieces as a way of showing how much the rest of the family appreciate their care for your MIL. I know that a few years ago my BIL's wife looked after my MIL when she broke her leg and I think that she was a saint for doing it because I would have killed my MIL within the first week.

[widge]

My MIL isn't really well enough to ask and I don't want to pressure her about this.

There is definitely the traditional Hindu thing going on in dh's family that the girls are treated as having married out of the family. I find that quite hard myself, but I have to say, the girls sometimes do play on that to their advantage when there are responsibilities, like caring for my MIL for instance. They've never offered to even sit with her for a day so my BIL and wife can have the day out.

I like your idea Blu of my dh giving a piece as a token to each of his sisters and hoping his brother and wife do too (although I doubt they will!). Also agree with you Bran - dh must make sure his brother and wife get first choice as they have been looking after her. I know it hasn't been easy for them.