Anyone with Algerian husband?

(59 Posts)
doublemuvver Sat 05-Mar-11 12:17:45

Curious to know of others married to Algerians and what, if any, cultural differences/issues you have experienced. We've been married 6 years and have 2 kids (twins). Life is a bit of a rollercoaster sometimes.

walterwhiteswife Mon 30-Dec-13 14:48:05

no tbh I wouldn't have listened but if I knew then what I know now I would have run for the hills!

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 15:36:30

This is so sad...sad I once lost a very dear friend...she married an Algerian, and please the emphasis on being "Berber and not Arab" shows to me how much the region and culture is being misunderstood.
It's almost like brainwashing as in explaing the woman their views of their culture, religion etc. as being universal to their country...

Most of the young male Algerians who came to Europe from the early nineties on (and who are from Kabyla etc.) are truly horrible in so many ways and they also give their country and the culture such a bad rep.

Most women who are with them are way above their leaugue and they go through hell with them...like my friend, but when I warned and explained, she didn't listen and dropped me like a hot potatoe, he also made her to...

later she was so afraid of him, she only wanted to get through with the visa thing and hoped that he would get 'rid of her', so she wouldn't have to fear him stalking her etc.

I also heard and saw over and over again the scenario older European woman with younger fella from Tunisia, Morocco, Egypt etc. usually working there in hospitality claiming to be totally in love...

When I tred to explain why he is most likely lying and all that...the women simply liked to kill the messenger...

walterwhiteswife Mon 30-Dec-13 15:39:53

not alot you can do world people tried with me but I was blind. 11 years on and one ds later and I still can't get rid!

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 15:44:57

I am always so sorry when these things happen. I always wonder what the right approach to this should be?
Or maybe, the woman is too good-hearted or emotionally hungry, so a hot-blooded charming good-looking Mediterranean mman simply hits all the right buttons at the right time?

BeeMyBaby Mon 30-Dec-13 19:38:58

I'm so far in a happy marriage but I understand what you are getting at- some demands are very difficult to cope with. I would say that this behaviour is not against European women- it is simply how they would treat any wife- European or Algerian.

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 20:50:10

Hello bee,
I would like to go as far as saying how unsure I am exactly about this type of man treating ANY woman that way.
I do feel that with Algerian women or any country the men is heading from being shared as a background with his wife, actually puts him in a much more difficult position to hold up with cultural expectations asked from him to fulfill, IYSWIM

I very often feel, it's with European women for example more a case of having the cake and eat it. And simply stating and demanding all the expectations, presumably then everything being argued to be cultural or religious norms of his upbringing etc.
However, assuming they are true...what about all the things he needs to do for his wife and family, which are also expectations of his culture...

Most women not from those cultures do not know enough or actually believe the stereotype versions themselves and buy into it....

It's hard for me to explain, but it makes my blood boil and I get so angry about these things, especially since they truly give Islam, and arabic/berber culture a bad rep as well.

And I am angry for women being mistreated that way, especially if they give so much and are so tolerant and want to learn the language, and about the culture and the country and are willing to convert and/or have their children being raised as Muslims and true to their father's cultural background.

I just get so sad about this...

BeeMyBaby Mon 30-Dec-13 22:13:08

I'm not sure about it all to be honest, I would say the majority of rules that dh has insisted upon have been for my own benefit although I couldn't see it initially. Other people comment negatively on these but I can understand why dh has said them and I'm happy to stick to them- no going out to pubs for example, my workmates all complain but I get why this is no longer appropriate for me. My parents complain that I no longer drink alcohol (what an odd complaint!) but it is better for my health and I was a binge drinker before.
The only really awful Algerian man I've come across is fil, who married a woman in France for a visa and is just horrendous, and some of dh's friends have married for visas...

Hell, it is depressing to know I will never know whether dh married me for me, or because of a visa. I will stop my ramble here!

worldcitizen Mon 30-Dec-13 23:42:48

Oh bee, I am sorry I didn't mean to stirr up bad feelings here sad

walterwhiteswife Tue 31-Dec-13 04:02:04

my exh never tried to stop me drinking. I was however a massive weed smoker and he suggested I stopped that!! for the first couple of years of marriage he was the centre of my world. but looking back now I wasn't the centre of his. he was an emotional bully and sometimes physical. when ds was 2 I fled to a refuge and now live happily by ourselves. its been very hard regarding the following islam for our son and something we fall out over all the time. but ds loves him and he loves ds so I bite my lip

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