i am 35 weeks, find the baby dead inside?

(56 Posts)
happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 22:56:46

i have 2 boys with c-section, i aaas pregnant with a girl this time, i was very exited, yesterday i did not feel nothing, no movement, i notice it in the night time, i waited until the morning, i called the hospital, they ask me to came, they cheek for the baby heart, not moving at all, they confirm the baby dead, very chocked, they give me tablet and i have to came back sunday 9am for trying for normal birth, anyone had any experience? is it more hard than giving birth to a life baby?

Mandy2003 Fri 21-Feb-14 23:03:14

So sorry, but I don't have any practical advice. Do you have partner/family near you?

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:05:54

I am so very sorry for your loss. Its no harder Physically but you'll need lots of emotional support.
I'll be thinking of you xxx

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:09:30

thank you, i have my husband, my family above, i do have a few friend, but i am more worried about my babies as they are very young, and hoping everything will be find with me just for them.

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:16:47

I am sure they'll be ok. Children are stronger than we give then credit for. They'll prob be the ones giving you the most comfort and support, their unconditional love is just what you need.
do you know what you'll name her? X

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:24:45

i was not thinking to name her, as she is dead before born.

HauntedNoddyCar Fri 21-Feb-14 23:27:35

For the birth they can give you far more pain relief because they don't have to worry about them affecting the baby sad

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:27:37

my son was choosing meriam, so i will name her meriam, but do i have to put meriam in any paper? i have no idea as i thing she is dead inside thats it, she will need nothing.

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:28:16

I'm a maternity nurse. I'm sorry but you'll have to name her and give her a funeral. I'm so sorry x

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:29:08

You'll need to for her birth and death certificates x

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:31:19

They can't give you too much more pain relief as there is a small chance they are wrong and the baby is alive. They have to Make allowance for human error x

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:31:29

ok, thank you for this advice, i will name her meriam. i had no idea

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:34:17

Its ok, no one expects this to happen and when it does there is no time to prepare for anything x

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:35:19

i am felling very weak now, as i cried a lot, and had a very hard day, my friend they telling me you have to be strong for sunday, but i can't feel it no energy on e at all.

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:40:09

You will be exhausted, and its hard and not fair, its the worst thing a woman can go through. But you have two other beautiful little darlings to keep going for.
Of you really can not do it (emotionally or physically) then they will give you a c section. You might have to ask a few times but its in your rights to demand one. You might find a full anaesthetic the best x

Blondieminx Fri 21-Feb-14 23:40:46

I am very sorry you are going through this sad

Do look at SANDS which is a charity which supports parents affected by stillbirth. There is a section on the practicalities, a telephone helpline and a section for dads too.

So sorry x

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:44:41

May I ask - are you religious? X

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:45:07

oh, no i really don't want to go to c-section, as i had too already, and incase i want to give an other birth in the future.

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:46:17

They will allow you 3 c sections, its ok to keep your options open x

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:46:42

yes SarahPatricia i am, why does it make any difference?

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:48:14

Can you speak to your religious leader?
I am Christian - is it ok of I pray for you and your family when I am in church tomorrow?

BigArea Fri 21-Feb-14 23:48:19

I'm so sorry OP x

happywithit Fri 21-Feb-14 23:50:39

thank you SarahPatricia, its very kind of you, much appreciated.

poppins30 Fri 21-Feb-14 23:52:50

I am so sorry happywithit. What a terribly sad thing to be experiencing.

I hope your partner will support you through this x

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:54:27

The other thing I should warn you about - they won't have you near the other women who are in labour. Some hospitals put you in a side room, others will put you in another part of the hospital x

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:57:00

The other thing is that after she is born they will give her to you to say goodbye to, take photos ect. If you don't want her given to you then you need it written into your notes so everyone knows x

SarahPatricia Fri 21-Feb-14 23:59:03

I know its hard but try and get some rest. I'll message you in the morning x

happywithit Sat 22-Feb-14 00:01:35

ok, thank you for this information.

happywithit Sat 22-Feb-14 00:05:33

i will do, as i am felling really tired. thank you very much.

HenriettaPie Sat 22-Feb-14 00:06:59

So sorry happywithit, what a terrible thing to go through. I will be thinking of you x

yolothankgod Sat 22-Feb-14 00:07:35

My thoughts are with you at such a painful time flowers

bakingtins Sat 22-Feb-14 07:18:08

OP I hope you managed to get some sleep. What a terrible thing to be faced with. I'll be saying a prayer for you tomorrow. Have a look at the SANDS website that was mentioned up thread, you are going to be faced with all sorts of decisions you haven't prepared for, it will help you decide what to do. flowers RIP Meriam.

Cat98 Sat 22-Feb-14 07:19:47

I am so very sorry.
Look after yourselves x

Monkeyandanimal Sat 22-Feb-14 07:24:12

I'm so sorry you are going through this. x

SarahPatricia Sat 22-Feb-14 07:26:03

How are you doing this morning? Manage to get any rest? x

You poor darling. I am thinking of you, of Meriem and your family. I'm so sorry xxxxxx

Only1scoop Sat 22-Feb-14 07:30:52

Op I'm so sorry....just devastating for you and your family....
Will be thinking of you thanks

iamatwinareyou Sat 22-Feb-14 07:31:57

I am so sorry to hear this hmm hope you managed some sleep thinking of you 2moz

I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you too. Desperately sad, you sound so brave. I hope you got some sleep.x

Mogz Sat 22-Feb-14 07:41:13

You and your family are in our thoughts today OP

tsw Sat 22-Feb-14 09:10:58

I have replied to your thread in the other forum about my own experience of delivering a still born baby.

I think you are wise to not want a section at this stage. If you, in the
Likely event, decide to ttc ASAP then most docs say wait 12 months post section. Something that is very difficult to think about but was certainly all I thought about for the months after. I mean no disrespect if it is not, from experience the vast majority of mums feel this way.

angelgabe Sat 22-Feb-14 11:31:15

I have no experience i'm afraid but I had to stop to say how sorry I was to read your thread. I can't imagine what you're going through. Sending the biggest hug to you. x

DrewsWife Sat 22-Feb-14 11:50:01

I am praying for you and your family and also for little Meriam.

You are allowed to grieve for your baby. You don't need to be strong. The mums here will all support you x thanks

happywithit Sat 22-Feb-14 12:08:59

thank you so much, i had a very hard night, i was just waiting for the morning, i did not like night time at all, i sleep and wake up but when i sleep for few minutes i dream about the same things hospital, birth, i don't think i was sleeping everything like if i am a wake, i am very worried, i just want it to be over, i want the baby to came out of my belly, i find it hard to know she is dead and i am still caring her, i am worried about the birth, hope god will help me, i hope everyone pregnant have a happy ending. this is the worse things can happen.
thank you again very much about all your support, i just feel more relax while writing what i feel, even if i trying to show myself strong but i crying.
i dont want people to see my bump no more thinking i am pregnant while the baby is dead inside. its very hard to go out with dead baby inside you.

Jemma1111 Sat 22-Feb-14 12:21:58

I'm so sorry x

ipswichwitch Sat 22-Feb-14 12:33:34

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. When we lost one of our twins at 34 weeks, (I had a section to deliver the other one safely) the midwife gave me a memory box and put a card with his hand and foot prints in, a lock of his hair and some pictures of him. I know DH will probably never look at the box, but I have and found it a comfort. It's something of him that I can keep forever if you see what I mean. Hopefully your hospital does the same. We also had to register his birth and death. You will get as long as you need with your baby to say goodbye - my thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow

BobbyGentry Sat 22-Feb-14 12:33:57

So sorry to hear about the tragic death of your daughter, Meriam.

You could contact SANDs, UK charity for stillborn and neonatal death www.uk-sands.org/

Bereavement is awful and taking support from others may help some.

Asking for footprints, placing your beautiful daughter in a special outfit and taking photos, may help the grieving process and offer cherished memories later.

SarahPatricia Sat 22-Feb-14 14:57:03

Your a very strong woman even if you don't feel it now x

SarahPatricia Sun 23-Feb-14 18:52:15

How are you? Been thinking of you all day x

bakingtins Sun 23-Feb-14 19:01:32

Been thinking of you OP, hope you found the strength you needed to get through today.

ateddybearfromdelaware1 Sun 23-Feb-14 19:08:48

Hope you are ok op x

changeforthebetter Sun 23-Feb-14 19:27:34

thanks For you and your family.

Sorry for your loss x

Sorry for your loss, thinking about you and hoping that you have the strength and support of those around you. I wish you all the love.

happywithit Sat 01-Mar-14 23:11:15

thank you all, and for SarahPatricia thank you so much, i have an other thread here is well as i was writing one in pregnancy and they move it here, so all my news are in the other one.
and i am ok but not much good as i am still remembering my baby and crying sometimes.
sometime i feel strong but i find myself just dreaming, i am not at all.
very very hard, specially if you dont have have dauthers and she was going to be the first and the only one.
but we cant do nothing about god decision.

JokersGiggle Sat 01-Mar-14 23:58:24

Its Sarah Patricia but with a name change (mean troll started being really vile to me :s )
I'm so very sorry for your loss, I've been praying daily for you and your family.
How are your boys handling things? And your husband? I can't imagine the pain you are in, i'm so sorry.
But your daughter is.in heaven now, at peace. She will never know sadness or pain, she's safe from the meanness of the human race. God will keep her safe and wait for the day (in many years time) when you can go to her. But right now you are needed here, God has blessed you with 2 wonderful boys to care for. And he may have other children for you.
Take time to grieve and take care of yourself, don't force yourself into being "normal" again until you are ready.
Private message me if you need, i'm here if you need me, any time.
you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers x

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