Late loss, I just need to get this down.

(126 Posts)
hetsto Tue 24-Sep-13 17:11:11

I just want to get this down whilst it’s fresh in my mind and I remember as much as I ever will of what’s been a total whirlwind.

On the 4th May 2013 I discovered I was 7 weeks pregnant, with an expected due date of 15th December 2013. I wasn’t surprised, as I’d been feeling pretty sick for a few weeks and this continued until I was about 14 weeks, because of the sickness, I was offered a dating scan at 8 weeks, which I took and confirmed that everything was normal and going well. At around 14 weeks the sickness and nausea subsided and I started to balloon! Pregnancy suddenly felt very real indeed and it was pretty obvious to everyone around me; I spoke to my employer and they were extremely supportive, as were family and friends. I think most of them had guessed a few weeks before to be honest.

My partner and I both knew we wanted children and as I had previously been diagnosed with PCOS, we were advised to start trying ASAP as it could take some time and certainly wouldn’t get any easier as I got older. My partner was very kind throughout the pregnancy, and I knew he’d be a brilliant father.

I had the standard 20 week abnormality scan and after a lot of scanning around the sonographer told me I was carrying twins!

The babies were both on the small side but, more concerning was that were looking rather different to each other. They were sharing one placenta, but in separate sacs and one of them had less amniotic fluid than the other, so there was a risk of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I had an appointment with a specialist at King’s the next to investigate further and discuss options. I was simultaneously elated and terrified! I’d been totally unprepared for the shock and had been rather blasé about the whole thing up to then, not really worrying about anything major and thinking about lovely things like whether to find out the gender and names etc. This felt like another level… TWO BABIES?!

I was scanned again first thing the next morning and we then spoke to a lovely consultant (all good things people said about the staff at King’s proved completely true by the way!) who confirmed that one of the twins isn’t growing as quickly as the other and it looked like they had TTTS. We were both pretty frightened but the consultant explained that we qualified for laser surgery to sever the blood vessels that the twins were sharing, and that we could have it straight away. We knew the surgery was fairly high risk but the alternative was to wait and watch things get progressively worse, so it was a no-brainer really. The staff were all very reassuring; we went for a little walk and then was seen for the surgery later that morning.

It was amazing to be able to watch the consultant working on the babies from the inside; he severed 7 blood vessels from the amniotic sack of the largest twin and then drained some of the fluid from that sack. It was all over pretty quickly and then I just had to wait a few hours before they could scan me again to check whether the babies were ok. They were still holding on in there with pretty normal heartbeats, so we were asked to go back the next week to check their heart beats again and see whether the smaller twin has started to catch up.

We weren’t out of the woods yet and the twins continued to be monitored on a weekly or fortnightly basis for the rest of my pregnancy, but it felt like we’d moved quickly in the right direction. It all happened very fast and at the time I was in a total whirlwind of shock and uncertainty, but I slowly got my head around what was going on and from there my pregnancy continued on a fairly normal route.

Sickness returned at around 23 weeks, I think just because of the pressure on my stomach to be honest, and the consultant told us that the twins were a little on the small side and needed to start gaining weight more quickly. I was given some anti-sickness meds and around the same time, the weather also cooled down and the sickness subsided. The girls then seemed to put on a huge growth spurt and my belly was growing at a rate of knots; I was feeling fairly frustrated by being unable to do everything I could do before and couldn’t move around very quickly, but really I loved being ‘properly pregnant’. My partner was also slowly gaining confidence during this time, having got over the shock of twins and TTTS; I felt that we were prepared for parenthood and would do all that we needed to do. I’d been pretty thrilled about being pregnant since the very beginning, but it was during this time, after the shock and worry had worn off, that I started to get really excited about the girls’ arrival – I was enjoying choosing names, sorting out our home, getting things ready and talking to all and sundry about being a mother. I’d been able to feel movements fairly early on in my pregnancy, which is apparently quite common with twins, and as they grew the movements became more and more obvious, I also started being able to differentiate between which twin was kicking where and when, which was pretty cool! I’ve always been quite an active person and I was convinced they would be too.

At 27 weeks, the Braxton hicks contractions that I’d been having started to become more and more frequent and, although never really painful, grew in intensity. On Thursday 20th September, in the evening I went into the early stages of labour, although I didn’t know it was that at the time. Luckily, I’d seen my consultant that morning and when I told him about the Braxton hicks he advised me to call the labour ward for advice if I was having more than ten in three hours. I rang the labour ward and described what was going on and they asked me to go in to be checked. My partner came with me to the labour ward, where was examined by a midwife. They monitored the girls’ heartbeats, the contractions I was having and checked my cervix. I was told that what I thought were Braxton hicks were actually labour contractions and that my cervix was 30% effaced and 2cm dilated. We went into panic mode again and I was given progesterone to stop the contractions as well as steroids to grow the twins’ lungs. I was kept in overnight, until the contractions stopped then was sent home the next morning and advised to keep movement to a minimum, to prevent any further dilation. As I said, I’m a pretty active person and I’m afraid to say that I found this a real challenge. My activity over the next couple of days pretty much involved walking very slowly from the sofa to bed, via the loo, a few times a day.

After a few days, at just 28 weeks, in the early morning of Sunday 22nd September, contractions started again and this time I knew exactly what was going on! They were much stronger than the week before and I struggled to speak or walk through them. My partner called labour ward and told them what was going on, before calling a taxi to take me to the hospital. When I arrived, it was the same routine as the week before; monitoring and cervical examinations but I knew this time felt different – I wasn’t in control of what was happening to my body and the pain was excruciating. This time I was fully effaced and 6cm dilated and I was told that they couldn’t do anything to stop my labour now. I hadn’t heard anything about the heartbeat monitoring and was focusing on getting through each contraction as well as starting to worry about the fact that it looked like my children were going to be born extremely prematurely. I knew the stats for babies born at 28 weeks as I’d spent a lot of the last few days on Google, and they weren’t good, but I was hoping that with their recent growth spurt and a stay in SCBU, we’d get through. The room then almost emptied and I was left with my partner, a doctor and one midwife; the doctor explained to us that they couldn’t find the babies’ heartbeats and there was a risk that they had already died. We all knew we needed to get them out as quickly as possible and I was told that C-Section would probably be the best way of doing that. By this point, I was pretty much just going along with whatever anyone was telling me, and trying to concentrate despite the contractions and enormous pressure down below. My partner looked ready to drop, but he was amazing and did his best to keep me calm. The midwife asked to examine me again before prepping me for surgery and it was all I could do to lie on the bed crying and writhing to be honest. Things had moved really quickly and the midwife told me she could see the head of my first baby; I didn’t really take in what this meant, but I was being told to push so I figured a C-Section wasn’t happening anymore.

It only took a few big pushes for Rosa to be born – she was floppy and grey and was whisked straight away to be resuscitated. We could see them working on her in the corner of the room, where two little cots had appeared and I’ve seen enough of ‘Midwives’ and ‘OBEM’ to convince me of the amazing things they can do with babies who don’t cry when they’re born. It sounds odd, but I found the sight of all the doctors and nurses around her hugely reassuring. Within what seemed like only a few minutes, I was pushing Eleanor out feet first and she slid out in one big push.

It was then that silence descended on the room and I started to feel really scared; I could see that both girls were hooked up to lots of machines and were surrounded by doctors and nurses and it didn’t sound like either of them were responding quickly. It must have been around this time that the placenta came out too, but I don’t really remember to be honest and I think the midwives were trying to quietly sort me out whilst we were focussing on what was going on, on the other side of the room. Eventually, I was told that Rosa had died and that although they were still working on Eleanor, it wasn’t looking good. They had used a pulse oximeter to measure the girls’ oxygen saturation levels and heart rates at birth and neither had heart rates. They had managed to get some oxygen into Rosa, but not to get her heart beating, so, when she was given to me to hold she was pink rather than pale. Whilst I was holding Rosa, Eleanor was delivered to my partner as well and we were told she hadn’t made it. We held them both for a while, which was both lovely and pretty awful.

They were so beautiful; tiny and almost translucent with skinny arms and legs. In lots of ways they looked more like tiny people than babies; their heads were in proportion to their bodies and they didn’t have the chubby baby look that full-term babies have. Both had black hair and blue eyes with little pointed noses and the most gorgeous little cherry lips you’ve ever seen. Obviously I’m completely biased but they were the cutest, most lovely babies and I just know they’d have grown to be beautiful, strong, wonderful women, had circumstances only gone our way.

I was kept in the hospital overnight and discharged yesterday morning. We took some time to ourselves and didn’t really see anyone until today when our families rallied; I was exhausted, sore and bewildered to start with and still am to an extent, but I just couldn’t bear to speak to anyone other than my partner until we’d had a bit of time to process what happened. Now there are jobs that need doing, like registering, deciding about post-mortems and arranging to say goodbye more formally. I found mumsnet to be a huge support throughout my pregnancy and wanted to share what happened, but I haven’t intended to scare anyone or suggest that this is normal – I know that many people have perfectly health twin (and singleton) pregnancies, births and babies, but unfortunately that isn’t how it went for me.

phantomhairpuller Tue 24-Sep-13 17:22:55

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I'm afraid I don't have anything useful to say, but I couldn't read and run.

RIP beautiful angels.

sad very sorry for your loss. Must be incredibly hard. sad

DaleyBump Tue 24-Sep-13 17:31:52

Hetsto, I don't have any words. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls. Take good care of yourself flowers

EeyoreIsh Tue 24-Sep-13 17:37:37

so sorry for your loss, how devastating for you and your partner. Take care of yourself flowers

Rooners Tue 24-Sep-13 17:38:05

Oh my goodness sad

You poor, poor lady.

I am very moved by what you have written and it is clear that you would have been brilliant parents to your dear little girls.

I can't imagine how much it must hurt.

Sending love, and my thoughts are with you flowers

Ruggle Tue 24-Sep-13 17:40:47

Devasted for you! Sitting in work with tears in my eyes reading this.

chocolatefrog Tue 24-Sep-13 17:44:42

I am so very sorry at the loss of your beautiful girls. I can't imagine the pain you must be going through. Take good care of yourself x

nemno Tue 24-Sep-13 17:44:43

I am so sorry to read this. This is so hard on you and really unfair. I really wish you all the love and strength you need to get through today, tomorrow and onwards. x

kasbah72 Tue 24-Sep-13 17:45:29

I am so so sorry. Rest in peace little angels Rosa and Eleanor. You will always be your parents' precious girls and you will never be forgotten by those who have never met you.

Thoughts and love with you all.

onlysettleforbutterflies Tue 24-Sep-13 17:46:13

So sorry you lost your beautiful little girls Eleanor and Rosa. Xx

TweenageAngst Tue 24-Sep-13 17:48:40

I am so sorry to read this. What beautiful names you chose for your daughters. Wishing you much strength in your dark times x

bluebump Tue 24-Sep-13 17:55:58

I'm sorry for your loss. xx

sad!! So sorry for your loss!
Brought a tear to my eye

Your babies are beautiful angels now, just remember that!

Big hugs xoxo

Norem Tue 24-Sep-13 17:57:08

So sorry that your beautiful daughters died.
Wishing you lots of comfort from your family and friends for the journey ahead x

absentmindeddooooodles Tue 24-Sep-13 17:58:02

Im so so sorry to hear this. I csnt imagine how hard it must be for you both. Sending love to both you and your beautiful little angels eleanor and rosa xxx

Stom91 Tue 24-Sep-13 17:58:41

Oh hetsto. I am so sorry for your loss.
Sending you all the love in the world.

Heaven has gained 2 beautiful angels.
Thinking of you thanks

WhisperMen Tue 24-Sep-13 18:03:41

hetsto I'm so so sorry to hear your news. You and your DP must be heartbroken. I am sending you all of my love and hugs. Be strong, we're all here on the december thread if you need us.

SweetieTime Tue 24-Sep-13 18:04:38

Hetsto sweetheart I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have the love and support you need to help you and your DP in this most difficult of times. Beautiful names for your girls who will be in your heart forever.

stardusty5 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:08:12

I am very sorry for your loss. Heartbreaking x

Oh hetsto I'm so sorry to hear this, those are beautiful names for your lovely girls x thanks

LadyEnglefield Tue 24-Sep-13 18:11:32

So sorry that you lost your beautiful girls.

What a truly heartbreaking story. I don't know what say except that my thoughts are with you.


Mama1980 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:12:53

I am so very sorry for your loss. Such beautiful names x

Platinumstart Tue 24-Sep-13 18:16:48

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You will never, ever forget and nor should you your beautiful babies, but I promise you your pain will get easier to bear.

When I lost my darling little boy I found sands a real source of comfort and hope.

Please take care

Luisa72 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:19:36

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of your two beautiful girls. Much love to you and your family x

BranchingOut Tue 24-Sep-13 18:20:13

I am so sorry, how devastating.
Please take things very slowly.

PinkWitch803 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:22:35

Lots of love H. Your strength is an inspiration.

PistachioTruffle Tue 24-Sep-13 18:22:38

Oh Hetsto, I'm so, so sorry. What gorgeous names flowers

I'll be thinking of you.

I am so, so sorry.

Your girls sound beautiful.

happyyonisleepyyoni Tue 24-Sep-13 18:29:09

I am so sorry for your loss OP. Your love for your beautiful girls shines through in your post. I'm so sorry they didn't make it.

HumphreyCobbler Tue 24-Sep-13 18:29:51

I am so very very sorry you lost your beautiful girls.

Hessy Tue 24-Sep-13 18:39:10

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love xxx

RibenaFiend Tue 24-Sep-13 18:45:27

I am so so sorry for your losses. Be proud of yourself that you and your DP created two such perfect beautiful children.

Bless you. Thank you for having the strength to share your story. I will remember you and your family in my prayers.

Faith48 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:47:30

It breaks my heart to read this.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your babies were too beautiful for earth and now they are two beautiful angels.

thistlelicker Tue 24-Sep-13 18:51:24

Sorry to hear of your sad news! Your girls sound just perfect!!! thanks

garlicbaguette Tue 24-Sep-13 18:59:57

Huge sympathy to you and your husband. What an ordeal.
Well done for writing it down. It's the start of what will be a long & difficult process.
Please be kind to yourselves and each other, and take your time.

MadameGazelleIsMyMum Tue 24-Sep-13 19:00:28

So sorry for your loss OP.

NomDeClavier Tue 24-Sep-13 19:00:31

hetsto I'm so, so sorry your beautiful twins didn't make it. You must be absolutely devastated and in so much pain. Sending you love and strength.

Sleep peacefully, Eleanor and Rosa.

violetbean Tue 24-Sep-13 19:03:20

hetsto, thank you for your supportive words and updates on the December 2013 thread, we are always here for you and I hope you have a lot of help and support around you to help you through this.

It sounds like you and your DH are both incredibly brave and very close and will look after each other.

So sorry for the loss of your gorgeous girls. Don't be afraid to seek help and to give yourselves time to just 'be'.

Much love.

pebbles1234 Tue 24-Sep-13 19:04:15

So so sad and sorry to hear of your sad loss. Thoughts and prayers to you all xx

Alyssa1978 Tue 24-Sep-13 19:04:52


Words can't in any way express how so sorry I am for you that your beautiful girls won't grow up into those beautiful women they would have been.

No parent should ever have to go through what you and your dp have, thinking of you sweetheart. I am devastated for you.

Hesto I am so sorry to read about your heartbreaking loss. It has moved me to tears. I send you and your DP my thoughts and prayers. Lots of love to you all xx

I am here if you ever want to chat x

Patilla Tue 24-Sep-13 19:10:40

Beautiful names for beautiful girls. I pray that you don't walk this path alone but have all the support you need.

You describe your time with them so movingly your love pours from your words. You have been and are a loving mother to these two angels.

I pray they dance together in heaven tonight knowing that they were so wonderfully loved in their short time on earth.

abcdemma Tue 24-Sep-13 19:25:30

Hesto I'm so incredibly sorry for you and your DP.
I imagine no words will help but rest assured your beautiful angels will be watching over you and with you forever.
Thinking of you all flowers

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Tue 24-Sep-13 19:46:43

Rosa and Eleanor are beautiful names and they sound like beautiful girls. I am so sorry. Thank you for telling us about them.

Chilli81 Tue 24-Sep-13 19:48:38

Oh Hetsto - I am so incredibly sorry for you and your DP. No-one should ever have to go through that. I know from all the support you have given everyone else and your kind words on the December thread that you will make wonderful parents when you are ready.

TortoiseshellMillie Tue 24-Sep-13 19:53:49

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say, apart from that we are all here to listen x

Bakingtins Tue 24-Sep-13 20:01:01

I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. You are amazing to be able to write about it so movingly and coherently when it must be so raw and devastating. I expect you've been pointed in the direction of SANDS, but if not do contact them, they were such a help to a friend who lost a baby at 25 weeks.

Skygirls Tue 24-Sep-13 20:02:09

How heartbreaking. I'm in tears reading your story.
So sorry for you and your DH.

NanaNina Tue 24-Sep-13 20:04:49

Me too so sorry for you and your DP- a close friend had a stillborn little boy earlier this year, born at full term. She found SANDS (Stillborn and Neonatal Death Charity) very helpful, as someone has just mentioned.

FlatsInDagenham Tue 24-Sep-13 20:11:36

What beautiful names.

I am heartbroken for you.

Enormous hugs. Desperately sorry hmm

Weescottie Tue 24-Sep-13 20:15:28

Hetso I am so sorry for your loss - noone should have to go through what you have. There's nothing i can say to make it any better - just wanted to say your story has really moved me.
It sounds like you have lots of love and support around you.

PicklePants Tue 24-Sep-13 20:20:47

So very sorry for your loss hetsto, what a truly awful thing to happen. Rosa and Eleanor are such beautiful names.

Wishing you and your DP all the love and strength you need to get through this devastating time.

froubylou Tue 24-Sep-13 20:22:34

Hetso sweetheart I am so so very sorry for your loss.

I don't have the right words to say how sorry I am.

I hope you have some memories of your beautiful girls however bitter sweet and short they may be and I hope in time you can take comfort from that time with them.

You and yours will be in my thoughts for the coming days and weeks. Xxx

Gannetgob Tue 24-Sep-13 20:26:56

Hetsto, I am so sorry for your loss.

I hope you and DH are looking after each other and getting the support you need.

I will be thinking of you.

IHeartIona Tue 24-Sep-13 20:31:39

I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely girls. The way you wrote about all that has happened is really vivid and moving. Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself. x

tinypumpkin Tue 24-Sep-13 20:34:00

I am so sorry for the loss of your twin daughters, Rosa and Eleanor. I am a twin mummy too and lost my eldest twin DD at 29 weeks. I know that I am truly lucky to have DD2 but miss DD1 every day.

There is specific support for parents who have lost from a multiple birth if you would like to talk to other people in very similar situations (TAMBA BSG). Sadly the group does also contain parents like you who have lost both twins also. If you want to be added to the FB group just let me know.


Wishing you gentle days and remembering your beautiful girls with you.

So very sorry for you and your gorgeous girls. There are no words. Giving you a hand to hold, and will keep you in my thoughts x

NationMcKinley Tue 24-Sep-13 20:46:10

So so so sorry for your loss. You have written so beautifully about Rosa and Eleanor. Sending you love and light x

flamingtoaster Tue 24-Sep-13 20:49:34

So sorry you lost Rosa and Eleanor - they sound beautiful.

MartinPlattRGN Tue 24-Sep-13 21:00:46

I'm sorry for your loss. What a lovely woman you sound and you write beautifully. Wishing much love to you and your family as you cherish the memories of your daughters. Be kind to yourselves xxxxxxxx

MildredH Tue 24-Sep-13 21:06:17

Hetso- like everyone else I'm desperately sad to hear your news. I can't begin to imagine how you and your DP feel at this time.

I hope you have lots of RL support around you.

You are very much in my thoughts xxx

Purplefrogshoe Tue 24-Sep-13 21:07:47

Im so sorry, hugs xx

everythinghippie29 Tue 24-Sep-13 21:12:08

So, so sorry for your terrible loss. Your darling girls sound beautiful. thanks

Forester Tue 24-Sep-13 21:16:07

I'm so sorry for you both - what a dreadful thing to have happened. flowers

There's nothing that anyone can do to make things better (much as we'd like to) but please come onto this forum as much as you want as they'll always be someone here to offer support or just to listen.

I am so sorry. Thinking of you x

happyon Tue 24-Sep-13 21:26:24

I'm so very sorry. I lost my son at around the same time and know the utter despair you must now feel. Take care of yourself and do anything you need to feel better, even temporarily.

They will always be your lovely, wonderful daughters.

TalkativeJim Tue 24-Sep-13 21:26:30

So sorry for the loss of your little ones. What lovely names. X

Ireallymustbemad Tue 24-Sep-13 21:26:36

So sorry for your loss. I hope you and DH can be of comfort to each other. Do take care of yourselves. flowers

PeazlyPops Tue 24-Sep-13 21:35:05

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

LadyMedea Tue 24-Sep-13 21:40:43

hetsto I am so sorry for what had happened to your lovely girls. I will be thinking of you often. Lots of love.

BehindTheScenesAtTheMumseum Tue 24-Sep-13 21:46:06

I am so very sorry for your loss hetsto. Wishing you love and strength thanks

morethanpotatoprints Tue 24-Sep-13 21:57:06

Oh Hetsto, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your dh can comfort each other and gain support.
Life can be so cruel.
Thinking of you, lots of love. flowers

LittleTulip Tue 24-Sep-13 22:02:27

I am so sorry for your loss. thanks

I lost my baby boy at 25 weeks 4 weeks ago now so have some idea of what you are going through xx

MrsFtn Tue 24-Sep-13 22:06:03

So very sorry to read your sad and humbling story. Thank you for sharing it with us. Your girls were and always will be loved. I pray for strength and support for you and your family in the coming days, weeks, months and years. thanks

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps Tue 24-Sep-13 22:13:11

For such a huge shock you are so eloquent and have written such moving words. Talk, talk, talk as much as you need to.

I am so so sorry for your horrific loss.

MaryPoppinsBag Tue 24-Sep-13 22:14:29

I am so sorry for your loss x X x

I am so sorry for you and your partners loss. Thinking of you xx

MabelMay Tue 24-Sep-13 22:38:33

How utterly heartbreaking for you. And I'm sure it will take a while for the enormity of something like this to sink in, so please take care of yourself. The practical arrangements - funerals, saying goodbye - can help in the short-term. I really hope you find the support you need and have people around you who will do whatever they can to help. Ultimately, talking to people who've experienced similar losses might be one of the biggest comforts of all.

My heart goes out to you and your darling baby girls.
x x x x x x x x x

NutcrackerFairy Tue 24-Sep-13 22:57:55

So so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful daughters.

Words are inadequate sad

Thinking of you and your partner, hoping you are both getting lots of support x

KrissyNorthants Tue 24-Sep-13 23:07:33

Can't comprehend the pain of your loss. So so sorry for you both. Thanks for sharing your story. All our love. xxx

Northernexile Tue 24-Sep-13 23:20:52

So sorry for your loss OP, I can't find the right words to express how sorry, but sending love and hugs to you and your family.

TCOB Tue 24-Sep-13 23:23:28

I'm so sorry that your girls did not make it. Congratulations on carrying and giving birth to these beautiful children, they sound so lovely x

Landofmyfathers Tue 24-Sep-13 23:35:06

Hetsto, I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls Eleanor and Rosa. Thank you for sharing your story, I hope writing has helped a little.

BlackberrySeason Wed 25-Sep-13 00:41:49

Hetso I am so very sorry you lost your beautiful little Eleanor and Rosa.

They sound like lovely girls and will have felt your love for them, known you and heard you while you were carrying them.

Sending you love and I hope you and DH are getting all the support you need in RL:


escorpion Wed 25-Sep-13 02:02:36

How heartbreaking. Sending you so much love right now x

Franykins Wed 25-Sep-13 03:30:04

Hetsto i am so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you all my love and hope you and your DP have all the support you need to help you through. Beautiful names for beautiful little angels who will be with you forever. Please take care of yourselves xxx

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 25-Sep-13 03:34:09

im so sorry. sad much love and strength in the coming days weeks and months to you and your partner.

i dont know what else to say, useless i know, but my heart goes out to you both and your families.

Dylemma Wed 25-Sep-13 03:53:39

I am so moved by your post Hesto. I wish you all the strength and love in the world as you make your way through this. Take every moment of time you need in all the situations that you will face, don't rush any decision or feel obligated to anyone or any feeling.

I will say a prayer for your beautiful daughters.

WibWoo Wed 25-Sep-13 05:09:23

I'm so, so sorry. What beautiful names your girls have.
What incredible pain you must be experiencing. Keep writing if you can. We will listen and be here for you when you need it.

lisbapalea Wed 25-Sep-13 05:36:21

So sorry for the loss of your lovely girls Hetsto, you have written bravely and beautifully about them.

Thinking of you and hope you have lots of support.

Emmabombemma Wed 25-Sep-13 06:03:19

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Devastated for you. Sending love and strength to you and DP x x x

InfiniteJest Wed 25-Sep-13 06:26:38

I was in tears reading your post, I can't imagine the pain you're experiencing. My heart aches for you and your partner. I'm so sorry.

carameldecaflatte Wed 25-Sep-13 08:28:41

I am so very very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughters. thanks

PrincessKitKat Wed 25-Sep-13 08:36:26

You've written your girls' story so beautifully Hetsto. I'm so very sorry.

Pawprint Wed 25-Sep-13 08:43:26

I'm so sorry, how sad for you.

Thank you for sharing Rosa and Eleanor with us - such beautiful girls.
I'm so sorry they couldn't stay with you longer.
Sending love and strength to you x

Roselau Wed 25-Sep-13 09:18:53

sending you my thoughts and a lot of love hetsto. it is the obstacles in life that makes us stronger. i'm sure this is the biggest you've been through and I admire you strength. I'm so so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

mumoftwoboysS Wed 25-Sep-13 09:33:04

So so sorry that you lost your girls. I can't imagine what you're going through but have thought about it (and you) a lot since reading your post last night. Is seems so very unfair, but sometimes we can't control what happens. You did your very best (and it sounds like the medical team did too) to save them and for whatever reason this time it wasn't meant to be. I wish you all the best and for happiness in your future even though at the moment you may feel achieving this is such a long way away.

We've followed your story so far on the December thread and you've been a part of our little community so please do come back any time if it helps. Take care of yourself xxx

nocarsgo Wed 25-Sep-13 10:09:25

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your lovely daughters. My heart goes out to you and your partner.

b0nker5Mum Wed 25-Sep-13 14:39:39

Thinking of you at this sad time xx flowers

Wantohope Wed 25-Sep-13 21:59:00

So sorry for your loss and all the pain you're going through.

justhayley Wed 25-Sep-13 22:26:48

I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now. I read something once about our babies choosing their mothers before conception even if they know they won't live. It was truly beautiful. Your little girls will be with you forever and although its probably the last thing on your mind right now I'm sure you will go on to be a wonderful mother to some more beautiful children. Saying a little preyer for you Rosa & Eleanor tonight.
Rip little angels Xxxx

RatherBeOnThePiste Thu 26-Sep-13 08:59:28

Big hugs lovely, so very sorry Xx

SilverSixpence Thu 26-Sep-13 09:09:53

Your story brought tears to my eyes. So sorry for your loss.

soimpressed Thu 26-Sep-13 09:30:43

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful girls.

greentshirt Thu 26-Sep-13 13:32:10

How sad and awful for you, really makes you realise how fragile human life is. I hope you can find strength during this terrible time, feeling very sad on your behalf xxxxx

claire0605 Thu 26-Sep-13 20:26:29

You have such courage to write about your tragic loss, I am heartfully sorry for you and your family. I hope you find some comfort in these posts as I have after 2 miscarriages. Hopefully time is a healer and you can eventually see a positive future for you and your husband with hopefully children in it. All the best to you and thanks for

bellablot Thu 26-Sep-13 20:40:56

sad So so sorry for your loss. No words.

TaytoCrisp Fri 27-Sep-13 00:54:14

hetsto so sorry to hear of the dreadful loss of Rosa and Eleanor. Such beautiful names. Sending you and your husband love, courage and hope for now and the time ahead. Xxxxxx

NomDeClavier Sat 28-Sep-13 11:55:01

Popping by to say you, your DP and your girls are still in my thoughts and prayers.

RatherBeOnThePiste Sat 28-Sep-13 11:59:13

Keeping you very close in my thoughts. Beautiful Rosa and Eleanor. So very sorry.


hetsto Mon 30-Sep-13 11:09:55

Thank you all so very much for your kind messages of support, they are very much appreciated. Life is a struggle right now, but everyone has been so good to us and I know that we will slowly regain strength in our little family.
Thank you all again.

(((( hetsto ))))

hetsto Mon 21-Jul-14 13:37:07

Hi all,

I haven't been on Mumsnet in a long while, but just wanted to post here since I've been lurking for a few weeks.

Thank you all so much for these kind thoughts; you can't imagine how comforting they were at the time, and I wanted to let you know how much we appreciated all the messages, both on this thread and otherwise.

It's been a long dark road, and we still think of Eleanor and Rosa everyday, but glimmers of light are starting to appear now. We recently found out that I'm pregnant again, which feels very strange but I think we're ready for some happiness now and we're hoping against hope that things go better this time around.

Lots of love to all,

Het. x

Greyhound Mon 21-Jul-14 13:42:59

Oh how unbearably tragic for you all - I am so sad for you.

thepurplepenguin Tue 22-Jul-14 15:52:06

hetsto I didn't read your story before but I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful girls. I hope your pregnancy progresses smoothly, best of luck for the future x

Marmaladecat1 Tue 22-Jul-14 17:47:29

I am terribly sorry for your loss.
I have everything crossed that you have a happy healthy pregnancy.

longestlurkerever Wed 23-Jul-14 17:21:21

I am so sorry to read this. What you have written is beautiful and has really affected me. My thoughts are with you, your dh and your beautiful girls.

longestlurkerever Wed 23-Jul-14 17:22:33

Sorry - I posted before reading your update. Wishing you every happiness in your pregnancy and for the future.

Picklepest Wed 23-Jul-14 17:26:14

Oh op I'm silent. I'm so sorry for your family. Love xxxx

MeganChips Wed 23-Jul-14 17:28:08

Congratulations. I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful girls and I wish you all the best for this pregnancy.

I'm sure you'll make wonderful parents.

HilariousInHindsight Wed 23-Jul-14 17:47:00


I am so sorry for your loss.

My friends lost their little girl on New Year's Eve at 34 weeks - it's heartbreaking.

Wishing you all the best for this pregnancy.

HilariousInHindsight Wed 23-Jul-14 17:47:08


I am so sorry for your loss.

My friends lost their little girl on New Year's Eve at 34 weeks - it's heartbreaking.

Wishing you all the best for this pregnancy.

angelopal Fri 25-Jul-14 08:35:13

Sorry for your loss and congratulations on your new pregnancy.

Not sure if you had any support from SANDS. On their forum they have a next pregnancy group which helped keep me sane during my pregnancy after a neonatal loss.

Hope it all goes well. My rainbow is now 5 months old and currently napping on me.

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