Not how it should have been..

(27 Posts)
Zumbasmyfave Sat 17-Aug-13 09:28:24

Hi all.
Went for my dating scan on Thursday 15th expecting to be told I was around 12 weeks.. I had been feeling really nauseous and tired all the way through but it had eased off jut over a week ago so believed I was starting to turn a corner. I felt great. How cruel and misleading. Instead, after wht felt like the sonographer checking and double checking for hours.. Me & Dh were told there was no heart beat and the baby measured at about 8 1/2 weeks.

I cannot believe how devastated I feel. Dh had real trouble coming to terms with it and kept saying they must've made a mistake (they hadn't). I don't want to see or talk to anyone and when I went to the supermarket yesterday all I could see was pregnant women & babies. Feeling barricading the door.

Went to the EPU yesterday and was assessed by a young male junior dr. Felt really fobbed off & insignificant. He obviously didnt have much experience as I think I knew more than he did about it! (Had placement as student nurse in gynae). Anyway I'm booked in for ERPC for tues.

Glad I found this section. It's so sad to see how many others are going through the same but also is helping to make me feel less isolated.

Sorry it's a long post. Just need to vent.
Xxx

VegasIsBest Sat 17-Aug-13 09:34:02

So sorry to hear this. Can't imagine how devastating this must be. Just wanted to say I was thinking of you.

PoopMaster Sat 17-Aug-13 09:34:44

So sorry OP sad

Be kind to yourself right now, it's hard when DPs react that way as it can feel like you've let them down, but make sure you talk to each other about how you feel, it does help.

Hi Zumba, so sorry you're going through this. I found out about my mmc at a private early scan, had to wait almost a week to see anyone at the epu which was a horrible wait. Had a similar experience with a very senior consultant - he just didn't care and was there to sign the paperwork and that was it. Luckily the nurses who run the EPU where I am were lovely, it really does make a difference to feel like someone cares. I've been off work and avoiding people for the last two weeks, finally started meeting up with family and friends over the last couple of days. for me, I felt that being at home to process everything without having to put on a brave front was what I needed, but I know some people feel better getting out and about, there are no wrongs and rights about how to get through such a sad time.
Thinking of you xx

VashtaNerada Sat 17-Aug-13 09:45:43

So sorry. I had a MMC two years ago and remember the hurt so clearly. Be very kind to yourself flowers

shellmck Sat 17-Aug-13 10:32:55

Hi Zumba, so sorry to hear your terrible news. I mmc in April at 17 week. I know exactly how your feeling right now. Be kind to yourself, I promise the pain will ease. As my tattoo says 'never forgotten, always loved.

Coconutty Sat 17-Aug-13 10:34:37

That's shit, sorry that you are going through this. flowers

Bezza2508 Sat 17-Aug-13 15:43:46

Hia. I had a MMC 4 weeks ago and it is the most awful feeling when you get such terrible news after expecting such exciting news.

I went back to work after 2 weeks but to be honest I feel like I am just about keeping my head above water. I am still very tearful and still also can't quite believe what happened.

Be kind to yourself and don't put pressure in yourself to feel a certain way. Take care xxx

Pawprint Sat 17-Aug-13 15:50:57

I'm sorry, Zumbas, how dreadful for you both.

I've had four m/cs (very unusual to have so many, I was unlucky) and each one was devastating. I have since had my d/s, who is eleven years.

I think that finding out your baby has died at your dating scan is the worst, cruellest way. You think you are going to see your baby and heartbeat and then the reality is hard to bear.

I know what you mean about seeing babies and bumps sad It is awful. You are amongst people who understand here.

Bakingtins Sat 17-Aug-13 17:28:31

I'm very sorry you lost your baby zumba and will be thinking of you on Tuesday.
Barricading the door and shutting out the world for a while is allowed, in fact probably recommended, as a way of dealing with your loss.

Zumbasmyfave Sat 17-Aug-13 21:08:53

Thank you all so much thanks it has been such a comfort to hear all your different experiences & advice.

captain it's awful that women who are going through such a traumatic time aren't given better quality support all the way through. Like u said the nurses & sonographer were all lovely in dealing with me but I guess where we're delicate we pick up on all the bad bits.

bezza I'm sorry to hear you've been here too.. I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster ahead. I self certified for a week but im hoping to get another week signed off as cant imagine going back to my job as a nurse & looking after others sounds too much to handle tbh.. selfish as it sounds. You sound like a wise & sensible person & I hope that you're asking care of yourself too.

vashta & shell I'm sorry you've been there too. Your reassurance & kind words mean the world to me right now.

Thank you pawprint, goodness, 4 MCs.. That's dreadful. Bless you. Thank you for your kind words and understanding.

DH & I ordered a little glass heart shaped ornament engraved with 'forever in our hearts' today. It arrives the day after my operation so may help us to say goodbye and mark our loss somehow.

katatonic Sun 18-Aug-13 15:55:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummytobe81 Tue 20-Aug-13 17:03:27

Hi Zumba. I had my dating scan on the same day as you and found out we lost the baby at 9 weeks. We are devastated. It's my first pregnancy although DP has a 7 year old. I had ERPC yesterday - hope yours went ok today. DP and I are muddling through. Physically im ok but I know it will take time to get over.

Thinking of you x

chilipeppers Tue 20-Aug-13 17:11:49

Sorry to hear that zumba. I had 2 MMC's a few years ago. I remember how awful you feel and how nothing can take your mind off the pain. All I can say it gets easier. You don't get over it but you will learn to live with it. Thinking of you. Take care xx

Zumbasmyfave Wed 21-Aug-13 21:42:05

Thank you guys.

mummy so sorry you are going through the same. I hope you are feeling better every day. I've not had a day where I haven't randomly burst into tears yet!

Thank you kat chilli and baking I have found these forums to be such a comfort because of wise, kind people like you.

So I had my ERPC yesterday. It went ok I suppose. Straightforward.. No pain felt (physically) and a bit of bleeding after but has pretty much stopped today. I'm told it can stop & start.. What's really odd is how my hormones are behaving. Hot flushes, spotty neck back and chest! Mood swings. My boobs have completely deflated and my tummy which was slightly rounded has shrunk right down (who'd have thought that could feel so depressing??) I feel like I was never pregnant, like I imagined the whole thing. Can't imagine going back to work and 'the real world'. Especially since one of my colleagues is preggers. Ugh.

Sorry to whine

Xxx

2beornot Wed 21-Aug-13 21:51:47

Zumba, you're allowed to whine as much as you like hear. I remember the bursting into tears quite well. Remember as well as grieving you've got lots and lots of hormones whooshing around your body too. And as a warning, once the bursting into tears goes away you're left with welling up every time someone asks how you are!

I had no bleeding after the day after but I have heard it can come back, fingers crossed for you. Look after yourself, be totally selfish and only do what will help you x

Mummytobe81 Thu 22-Aug-13 16:58:24

Zumba. Hope you are ok. I've been exactly the same crying at all sorts for no reason - anger too. I'm so sad my boobs don't hurt and my tum had gone right down. Seems to be instantaneous! It's so sad!

I'm getting really anxious that DP is fed up of me being sad so I'm trying to keep it together for him

Xx

Zumbasmyfave Thu 22-Aug-13 18:46:15

mummy I feel exactly the same about my DH.. He just seems to have moved on already and keeps saying he has 'grieved' like u can do that in a week?! He's been really supportive but I'm feeling like I'm dragging him down when he comes in from work.

It's so sad to have all the things that make you feel pregnant disappear- all except the crazy mood swings! Watched wreck it Ralph to try & cheer myself up the other night and ended up blubbing uncontrollably!

Thanks 2be.. I fully intend on bring selfish for a bit and in my own little misery bubble! Hopefully my friends will still be there when I burst our of it!
Xxx

Beamur Thu 22-Aug-13 18:51:07

I had a MMC about 7 years ago now.
Your DH may well experience this differently to you, but don't feel bad if he seems 'over it' before you do. My DP said he never really felt that the 'bump' was a child until the baby was actually born - and he's father to 3.
MC is a horribly disappointing experience and takes away some of your own innocence around pregnancy.
Take your time to grieve and heal - I still occasionally feel sad about the baby that I lost.

Mummytobe81 Fri 23-Aug-13 13:54:35

That's exactly the way I feel like he's ok but I'm making it bad for him because I'm sad. He has been very supportive though. Went shopping today for a new outfit for our weekend to London. I hated it - felt numb and just couldn't relax. I hope I can relax in London.

Are you bleeding much? I am having really sporadic bleeding - some days none others loads.

I hope you are feeling better today x

Zumbasmyfave Fri 23-Aug-13 16:34:30

I made the last minute decision to come and see my mum for the day this morning & heading back home tomorrow am.. Glad I did as I was just getting myself more & more down @ home looking at pikes of mail that need sorting & other various jobs I don't feel up to! Miss hubby but he's at work all day so I needed something to do. Mums been plying me with booze which is rather nice. Lol.

No more bleeding really. Just spotting which is really railing off. The odd little cramp in the tum a couple of times a day. Don't know what else to expect by an grateful symptoms not too bad.

How strange when r u off to London? We are going Sunday to Monday (booked weeks ago as early 1st wedding anniversary treat). Like you, I'm not feeling much like celebrating but home we can relax & take our minds off things when we r there...
Hope you're ok

Xxx

Zumbasmyfave Fri 23-Aug-13 18:01:06

Uh-oh spoke too soon.. Bleedings started again! How very odd..

2beornot Fri 23-Aug-13 18:18:02

Seems like you had an ...... Ok day with your mum at least. DH and I are quite practical people and for us it made sense for hon to carry on because one of us had to!!

I work for a mental health trust and one poster I've seen that has really stuck with me is "Don't compare your inside with everyone else's outside". Just because DH is doping in the outside doesn't mean he's over it on the inside.

Hope you manage to enjoy your weekend (we're up in London on Monday too - how strange!!!)

Mummytobe81 Fri 23-Aug-13 20:34:14

I went to mum and dads yesterday. They took me out for a meal and had a few drinks. We spoke about the old times and giggled loads and then came back to earth with a bump.

Bleeding seems really weird just keeps stopping and starting.

We are off tomorrow morning and coming home Monday morning. I'm back to school on Tuesday - teach in an academy so our holidays are different. I'm dreading it because lots iof people knew I was pregnant so I've got to explain...

We have DPs little girl tonight who said oh I forgot you can drink now because you don't have the baby in your tummy anymore - heartbreaking but she doesn't realise!

Hope you're relaxing xxx

Zumbasmyfave Mon 26-Aug-13 21:06:50

Hi girls

Hope you both enjoyed London. We got back this evening, and although I wasn't much looking forward to it, it did us good to have a change of scenery.

Good luck for going back to work tonorrow mummytobe81 hope it's as calm & stress free as it can be.

I go back on weds for a late shift then on three nights so at least there won't be so many people around at work & I can ease myself back in (hopefully).

Hope you're all well and taking care of yourselves.

BTW is anyone extremely spotty? I've got the worst bacne ever! And on my chest!

Mummytobe81 Wed 28-Aug-13 19:45:43

Hiya

London was fun but back to reality with a bump when everyone was asking me how my bump was at school yesterday!!

Erm I haven't had an spots but have loads of hair sprouting in random places- oh the joys of hormones.

Today has been hard - kids at school badly behaved and its tipped me over the edge. Def think I shouldn't have gone back.

Are you feeling any better? Xx

Zumbasmyfave Sat 31-Aug-13 15:59:21

Feeling dreadful today. In on nights which I hate with a passion at the best of times.. I find they make me really grouchy no matter how much sleep I manage to get.

Burst into tears at the end of my shift this morning when I had to tell one of my seniors who didnt know. She gave me a hug and said 'it just wasn't meant to be' don't you just hate that?! I'm just feeling so angry about it all.

Tomorrows my 1st wedding anniversary.. Wish I felt more positive. I know it's the night-shift-blues making it worse but I just want to be pregnant again. Just feel totally robbed,

Hope everyone is well & having a good weekend!

Xxx

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