14 weeks, baby is not going survive

(33 Posts)
FluffyDucky Fri 14-Jun-13 22:18:53

Where to start? Husband and I had an amnio test today after our downs screening came back last week as 1/20. We went to the appointment (originally they thought I was 15 weeks due to scan size) After a few minutes of doing the ultrasound the consultant broke the news that there is something very wrong with the baby.
There is too much fluid around the brain/skull, bowel and ribs and it is pretty much certain it will not survive. There is a heartbeat at the moment.
He took the fluid and we will get the results Tuesday afternoon. It may be Downs, a virus, congenital or possibly just a one off.
I feel pretty numb but otherwise normal. Crying occasionally. We have already decided we will terminate, we can be together and it sort of feels like it is in our control. Sorry if the post seems disjointed, I think I just need to talk about it. It's going to be such a long weekend, trying to do normal bits but it just feels so weird. This is our first baby, I'm really scared that we may not be able to have more or it is something that will keep happening.

I'm so sorry darling. Be kind to yourself and each other xx

DramaQueenofHighCs Fri 14-Jun-13 22:21:45

Have nothing to say but didn't want to R&R. holds hand.

showtunesgirl Fri 14-Jun-13 22:22:17

Very sorry to hear this OP.

If it is any reassurance to you, something happens to 1 in 4 pregnancies and having one pregnancy that does not reach full term does not indicate in any way that you will necessarily have to go through this again.

frutilla Fri 14-Jun-13 22:23:00

So sorry to read this. Sending love and healing energy your way.xx

LST Fri 14-Jun-13 22:25:07

I'm so sorry to hear this sad xx

twentyten Fri 14-Jun-13 22:27:50

So very sorry. Hugs to you both.

wizzler Fri 14-Jun-13 22:29:13

So sorry OP.
I am sure this will be very small comfort, but I lost a baby after a nuchal fold of 1/4, and CVS confirmed Pattau's.
Since then we have had 2 successful pregnancies and DC are now 8 and 6.

CatsAndTheirPizza Fri 14-Jun-13 22:30:53

Sorry to hear that OP sad

FluffyDucky Fri 14-Jun-13 22:53:49

Thank you all, it's funny how a few kind words from strangers can be so comforting!
I have a feeling it's going to kick in/sink in after everything is done, so to speak. Having pretty bad depression in the past, I know I'm up for a crap time ahead!

SisterMatic Fri 14-Jun-13 22:56:51

I am so sorry to hear your news. <holds hand> xx

halestone Fri 14-Jun-13 23:03:40

thanks So sorry OP thanks

EATmum Fri 14-Jun-13 23:08:52

How dreadful. I'm so very sorry.

mikkii Fri 14-Jun-13 23:16:50

I'm really sorry. We had a missed MC, which wsa diagnosed as Edwards.

I consoled myself with the fact that dealing with MC was much easier than still birth.

Went on to have 2 DDs to join DS

Praying or you.

cosmickitten Sat 15-Jun-13 10:54:39

So sorry fluffy there are no words it is just awful. Thinking of you and your oh x

xXjunebugXx Sat 15-Jun-13 17:14:54

Oh Fluffy, so sorry to read this sad news xxx

TeaAndANatter Sat 15-Jun-13 18:12:44

I'm so sorry to read this. I hope that you are able to give each other extra love and strength over the next few days. I'll keep you both in my thoughts x

Rockchick1984 Sat 15-Jun-13 19:59:37

So sorry Fluffy flowers I lost a baby at 12 weeks, the only way for me to get through it was to deal with the physical side until that was sorted and only then allowed myself to deal with the emotional aspects of it. It's shit but you will get through this.

RufousBartleby Sat 15-Jun-13 20:15:17

Oh you poor thing! I was in a very similar situation at the start of the year and it is so horrible. No words of wisdom about how to get through the next few days - I know I felt like everything was falling apart, but you will come out the other side.

Have you looked at the antenatal tests/choices board? There are lots of hopeful stories on there of women who have tfmr and gone on to have healthy babies.

Bakingtins Sat 15-Jun-13 21:02:31

I'm sorry Ducky it's a horrible situation to be facing. We'll be here when you need to rant at the shitty unfairness of it all.

FluffyDucky Sat 15-Jun-13 22:49:56

Thank you. Rock I think you are right, I've found myself thinking alot today about what I actually need to go through, having it is going to be horrendous.
Still birth/knowing it will die is my worst nightmare. I know I am going to feel so hopeless after that, at the moment I'm still pregnant, it's still in me growing. I want to bury my head & pretend it's not happening in the stupid hope it will all go away and be ok

ForeverLoved Sat 15-Jun-13 23:01:38

I'm so sorry FluffyDucky. How heartbreaking, my thoughts are with you and your OH. I had identical twin boys at the end of November last year. We knew that one of our little boys would be still born but then we sadly lost his brother also. He died in our arms at 6 hours old. It's earth shattering. I won't say it isn't awful and of course I still think of them everyday. But together you will get through it. I found my mind shut down to allow me to go through the physical recovery. The grief kicked in once I was home from the hospital. My heart goes out to you both. X

FluffyDucky Tue 18-Jun-13 21:02:42

We saw the consultant again today after getting our initial result yesterday, it has been confirmed baby has downs and possibly a heart problem. There is also a lot more fluid around the baby and it will die in the next 30 or so days. We have taken the first steps towards a termination and go into hospital on Thursday.
Feeling strangely ok atm, in some weird way glad that the diagnosis is the same, we are at peace with our choice. Not sure how I'm going to feel after Friday though, going to have to deal with that as it happens.

twentyten Wed 19-Jun-13 15:40:09

so very very sorry. thinking of you.

tametortie Wed 19-Jun-13 15:43:08

So sorry xxxx

nectarini1983 Wed 19-Jun-13 21:28:25

Just read your post Fluffy. You were so kind to me on Friday when you responded to my post.

Im so sorry that you're going through this. Life can be so very cruel.

In readiness for tomorrow, can I assure you of how well I was treated when I had to deliver my 17 week baby in January. The midwives were absolute angels. I never ever thought strangers could be so kind and could care so much when they see so much. And not that its any consolation for what youll endure but it was nothing like a full term labour, it was very controlled and calm and they should be offering you any pain relief you require.

I had my little boy blessed when he was born and have his hand and footprints which are so precious to me.

As I said when we spoke on my thread, dont make any rash decisions: take your time and don't be pressured and you may change your mind 10 times and then change it back again...and that's ok.

Thinking of you tomorrow. X

DearlyDepartedMrsFinch Thu 20-Jun-13 13:49:22

Thinking of you today xx

thinking of you, so sorry for your loss

xigris Thu 20-Jun-13 21:15:58

So sorry Fluffy. What a sad situation. Wishing you and your family all the best, I'll be thinking of you flowers

HumphreyCobbler Thu 20-Jun-13 21:19:52

I am so sorry for your loss.

So sorry.

Oh, FluffyDucky, I am so, so sorry.

Nobhead Thu 20-Jun-13 22:23:07

So sorry Fluffy. I delivered my baby girl at 19 weeks in Feb, she died at around 14 weeks. We had the test results and PM results back Monday this week....she had downs too. It is truly heartbreaking. The staff at the hospital I was at were just lovely and caring and a few of them had been through the same thing. Be kind to yourself and do what feels right at the time. Xxx

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