I think I am miscarrying

(119 Posts)
vix206 Sun 24-Mar-13 13:00:23

Just that really. Started brown spotting yesterday lunch time and have now started full on bleeding, just like a period. I was 6 weeks pregnant with DC2 on this Friday just gone.

I'm devastated and really frightened. Not in any physical pain yet but really worried about what this afternoon will bring.

Any support or advice would be gratefully accepted hmm

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 13:01:26

Vix I am so sorry to hear this sad Huge un MN hug to you and here is a great place for support.

Will re-read your post now and see if there's anything specific I can suggest.

vix206 Sun 24-Mar-13 13:03:53

I do have a specific question. People keep asking me why I haven't gone to A&E but there no point unless I'm in a lot of pain, or bleeding v heavily is there? There's nothing they can do, and I'd rather stay in bed if I can.

But should I see my GP tomorrow?

Schooldidi Sun 24-Mar-13 13:04:11

I'm so sorry sad

At 6 weeks it's possible it won't be any worse than a period physically. Emotionally it will be much harder though.

Do you have good rl support? Is dp good at dealing with all the practical things and looking after dc1?

vix206 Sun 24-Mar-13 13:05:15

Yes DH is being great, wondering whether up send DS off to my mums for the afternoon....

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 13:05:59

A couple of suggestions. You know paracetemol is safe in pg, so you can take that if pain starts, even before mc is confirmed.

If you do definitely start to mc hot water bottles are comforting.

I found bed was where I wanted to be initially.

I would call the local epu tomorrow and ask for a scan. You may have to see/call the GP first or they may let you self refer.

Definitely don't go to work tomorrow - call in sick. I kept going in to work during my mc which was a big mistake.

Most people find they can manage a mc at home, but if you do get more pain/bleeding than you can cope with you can always go to A&E any time day/night.

I don't know if any of the above is helpful. I hope it's not tmi.

So very sorry you are experiencing this sad

Schooldidi Sun 24-Mar-13 13:06:56

I had a mc last Easter. I was 12 weeks. I was advised by the ooh doctors not to bother going to see them unless things got really bad. So I didn't. I did the whole thing at home and I think I'm glad I did, I'd rather have it happen at home than be somewhere I wasn't as comfortable, and sorting out childcare on Easter Sunday for my other 2 dcs would have been a nightmare.

I didn't see anybody medical at all about my mc. Nobody seemed that interested in seeing me tbh, especially after all the bleeding had stopped.

vix206 Sun 24-Mar-13 13:08:40

Welovegrapes thank you so much. No such thing as TMI as far as I'm concerned in this situation.

Luckily I work with DH at our own business so time off won't be a problem.

Ugh it feels like waiting to die. Sorry to be do bleak but it really does. hmm

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 13:09:07

Vix so glad to hear DH is supportive. If your mum can take your DS it might be worth seeing if your local epu is open on Sunday. A very few are - ours used to be. Otherwise, I agree - no point in going to A&E yet.

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 13:10:35

Keep x posting with you Vix, sorry.

Very good you are not going to be having any trouble getting time off.

Oh the waiting is horrible, I know sad

vix206 Sun 24-Mar-13 13:11:27

Local EPU is mon-fri only. I'm up for staying at home in the warm.

GuffSmuggler Sun 24-Mar-13 13:12:20

So sorry this is happening Vix, you might still be ok so try not to think the complete worst.

I would say there is no point going to a&e after asking the exact same question last weekend after I started bleeding. I did actually end up sitting in a&e on the Monday for 4 hours and they still couldn't scan me until wednesday.

Do you have the number of your local EPAU? Some have drop ins or you can just phone them up. I would do that tomorrow morning. They will be much better in assessing you and perhaps giving you a scan.

Obviously if things get really bad do go to a&e.

Sorry again.

xigris Sun 24-Mar-13 13:14:33

Oh I'm so sorry for you. <offers hand to hold>. I don't have any advice to offer but would be sensible I think to make a GP appointment for Monday. It you're uncomfortable then paracetamol and a hot water bottle may help. flowers

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 13:32:07

I agree about just staying at home in the warm and resting. Maybe have a sleep if you can in case you end up awake in the night.

LeggaDAISYcal Sun 24-Mar-13 13:35:17

Oh, so sorry sad

tbh A&E won't do anything. I spent four hours miscarrrying in my A&E, waiting ion chairs, not even in a cucible, and it was the bleakest time of my life. By the time I got seen, all they could tell me was go home, call 999 if haemmoraging [sp] and contact EPU on Monday (this was a Friday night)

I would have been better at home, in comfort and with my own loo handy.

However, saying all that, there are lots of stories of people bleeding early on and things still being OK, so it's entirely possible that this iusn't a miscarriage. Hang in there, and call the EPU first thing on Monday morning.

hugs to you xx

vix206 Sun 24-Mar-13 13:47:35

Thanks all. I do have my booking in appt with midwife tomorrow. My RL friends are suggesting I keep that but I'm not sure whether its her, a gp, or EPU that I should see. Or none of the above.

I'm thinking through practical details because I hate being out of control!

Really so grateful for all your posts, I appreciate the handholding

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 13:50:42

I would go to the booking in - she will be able to refer you straight on to epu.

I totally understand about the details - I needed to understand everything so I felt I could cope.

BumbleBee2011 Sun 24-Mar-13 13:58:17

So sorry OP, this happened to me last year, also DC2, also at 6 weeks. Our local EPU wouldn't scan until 8 weeks so it was a case of waiting and seeing then going to get it confirmed.

I would recommend going if this is offered, it means they can check everything is "where it should be" for if/when you want to try again. Plus it's on your notes then if anything did need investigating in future (though hopefully not)

So sorry again sad

vix206 Sun 24-Mar-13 20:42:29

Since I wrote this I've just gone back to the odd spot of blood and still in no pain. In total i think ive only lost a teaspoon full of blood in the past 30 hours... no pain and no clots. I don't want to have false hope but I think there is still a small chance things could be ok. I'm hoping things stay the same overnight and that the midwife can help reassure (or otherwise) tomorrow. So scary hmm

Welovegrapes Sun 24-Mar-13 23:08:09

Vix, really glad to hear bleeding has settled down.

I don't think it's necessarily false hope - my bf bled red blood all through the first two trimesters of her pg and her dd is fine.
Statistically, most bleeding in pg is not mc, though of course a lot of cases of bleeding are women mc.

I would press for a scan tomorrow when you see the mw.

vix206 Mon 25-Mar-13 08:27:58

Still hanging on with no more bleeding so far. 2 hrs and counting til my appt.

theboob Mon 25-Mar-13 08:36:46

keeping everything crossed for you vix , will keep an eye on this for more news x

Welovegrapes Mon 25-Mar-13 08:40:35

Please keep us posted if you want to, Vix. Will be thinking of you and hoping it is good news today.

vix206 Mon 25-Mar-13 13:07:45

Midwife thinks I am Going to be all right from what i told her. I took a clear blue test and its positive 3+ as it should be. Just told to rest and not panic. I'm under consultant care due to haemorrhage after DS and then depression. Still bleeding a bit but feeling more hopeful. Fingers crossed.

Slainte Mon 25-Mar-13 15:12:40

Fingers crossed for you, hope everything works out for you smile

vix206 Mon 25-Mar-13 15:36:24

Thank you

Welovegrapes Mon 25-Mar-13 15:53:15

Hoping all will be ok now Vix.


Bakingtins Mon 25-Mar-13 19:30:09

Hoping it is all ok - take it easy.

xigris Mon 25-Mar-13 19:33:37

Keeping everything crossed for you. Best of luck! flowers

vix206 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:17:31

Thanks all. I will update one way or another.

ncsmummy Tue 26-Mar-13 07:24:52

Will keep everything crossed for you

Fingers crossed op flowers

vix206 Tue 26-Mar-13 17:50:33

Very heavy bleeding since lunch time today so I'm as sure as I can be that it's a miscarriage. Thanks everyone for the support.

Thinking of you vix, unmumsnetty hugs x

Welovegrapes Tue 26-Mar-13 19:25:08

Oh Vix I am so sorry sad

Please use us for handholding, advice, or anything else you need.


vix206 Tue 26-Mar-13 19:54:55

Thank you. I'm unsure about whether I should be seeing a doctor at any point. Do they need to check to see if everything has passed at any stage? Haven't seen any clots yet just lots of period type blood. Everyone I know in RL has had to have an op rather than having a 'natural' miscarriage. hmm I'm quite happy to let nature take its course with the minimum fuss but at the same time would feel safer if someone medical checked me over at some point. If that makes sense.

Welovegrapes Tue 26-Mar-13 19:59:25

I think I would want to have a scan really to see the mc was complete, as there is a risk of infection otherwise. If you call the mw tomorrow morning she should be able to advise.

Really sorry you are going through this sad

vix206 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:04:00

My me has told me that unless I am in lots of pain or am experiencing unmanageable bleeding I should not seek medical attention from her, GP or hospital. I asked for referral to EPU and she refused. So maybe bypass her tomorrow and go to GP?

Welovegrapes Tue 26-Mar-13 20:09:49

She sounds unhelpful sad did she say why?

I would go to gp, say you are in pain and think you are mc and ask to go to epu for a scan.

I think with a natural mc you really want the scan after the bleeding has stopped, though I know not all hospitals offer that.

A private scan would be another option - would be approx £125 in London iirc, less elsewhere.

Schooldidi Tue 26-Mar-13 20:42:53

At such an early stage it may be that there wouldn't be anything to see on a scan. I know the epu at my local hospital don't do scans before 7 weeks, not because they are heartless, but because there really isn't anything big enough to see clearly.

You don't have to have a scan after a mc, you don't ahve to have any medical people look at you at all. I was advised to take another pg test about 7-10 days after the mc and if it was negative then the mc was complete, if positive then I needed to go in and see someone.

Personally, I was offered a scan but didn't bother. I just wanted it to be over and I most definitely didn't want to be hanging around a hospital waiting room with obviously pregnant women (not all epus share a waiting room with the antenatal scans but ours does). Nobody medical has checked me at all since mine happened and that's almost a year now.

If you feel ill in any way then you need to see someone in case it is an infection.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this sad

vix206 Tue 26-Mar-13 20:48:19

She just said it was a cost issue sad

I suppose I just want to know everything is ok afterwards but if the answer is to POAS then I can do that.

escorpion Tue 26-Mar-13 21:04:15

So sorry you are going through this vix the worst part for me was the uncertainty of what would happen, I couldn´t even sleep. I had surgery in the end and was glad when it was over (obviously still upset of course). I am abroad, so have private medical insurance which means I was offered surgery straight away. Were you not given any options?? I hope all goes as best as it can for you. x

Schooldidi Tue 26-Mar-13 21:49:03

Cost is a huge issue with scans. Ideally they would do whatever you wanted them to do but if the budget is tight it makes more sense to scan women who are having problems with a more established pregnancy. At this early stage the majority of women manage perfectly well at home and don't really need any medical intervention. Before pg tests became widely available you probably wouldn't have even known you were pg, it would just have been a wierdly late period.
Stay at home, rest, be comfortable. Take as much help as you can get from anybody willing to do it.

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 01:46:17

No I wasn't given options just told to see what happens and go to A&E if it became unbearable. Having strong contraction pains now which is why I'm awake. hmm

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 01:48:57

And I know what you mean schooldidi, my mum says the same about the late period thing but the thing is I have been pregnant before and we were trying. I knew I was pregnant before I took a test, I still felt very pregnant yesterday and this is nothing like a period it's so painful hmm

Just want it over with now.

EMUZ Wed 27-Mar-13 01:56:26

I'm sorry thanks
Offering a hand to hold

cher31 Wed 27-Mar-13 02:18:07

Hope your coping with the pain. I suggest
that you phone epu tomorrow. It's good to have the pregnancy confirmed even if it fails. You will still show a positive if you POAS due to hormones still being in your body.
Sorry you're going through this. I've had a natural miscarriage at 10 weeks and am happy to answer any questions.
Take care and stay warm

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 06:32:21

Thanks all. It's hard to know what stage I'm at as I've only passed small amounts of blood so far. No clots or tissue. It's like an intermittent period coming in fits and starts. EPU won't take me without gp referral so I think I will call dr.
Pain subsided overnight but surely at some point soon must come back if I'm to progress with this?

ncsmummy Wed 27-Mar-13 06:36:37

I am so so sorry Vix sad I hope you are not in too much physical pain.
I went via the emergency docs when I started bleeding and got sent to the hospital where they did a hcg blood count, then they had me back 2 days later for a scan and another blood test which confirmed that I was m/c. I was told to wait 7 days and poas and if it was pos then they would have to see me again.
Take care flowers

ncsmummy Wed 27-Mar-13 06:41:02

I think the doc should refer you to see whats going on one way or another hun, x

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 07:01:06

Thanks ncsmummy. I can see this being a horrid wait again as its Easter weekend so that'll delay it all. Also happens to be my 35th birthday on Sunday hmm

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 07:03:16

The torturous aspect is that it stops and starts. I expected a dramatic bleed where it would be obvious that I had miscarried without question. Instead I'm getting it in dribs and drabs, with enough hours in between to feel hopeful again. Although with the amount of red blood I saw yesterday my hope has all but gone.

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 07:13:05

Ps re-read a lot of this and feel like I haven't expressed enough gratitude for each and every one of you that has taken the time to reply to me. I really am grateful for all your help and I'm sorry that you're in a position to give it because this is a horrendous thing to experience.

ncsmummy Wed 27-Mar-13 07:13:22

Aww vix, def get yourself to the docs, mine sent me straight to hosp and even it being a sunday I was given my blood test and got the results a couple of hours later.
I know what you mean about the starting and stopping, it means you dont really know what is going on and it plays with your emotions. The 3 days I had from the bleeding and pains starting to the point where I knew for definite felt like an eternity and even though deep down I just knew what was happening I didnt truly believe it I believed it until I knew for certain.
I have everything crossed for you that all will be ok.

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 07:18:44

Thank you ncsmummy I will let you know how it goes. Yes, it's been the longest 4 days of my life and I really think I will feel a huge sense of relief (along with great sadness obviously) just to get some kind of confirmation.

Welovegrapes Wed 27-Mar-13 09:20:44

Oh Vix sad it is so hard, isn't it? The days I spent mc were very hard. For me it was unpredictable varying blood loss and then nothing more happened and I had the ERPC in the end.

Please don't forget to eat when you can. I didn't eat enough and that didn't help.

I found extra rest helped physically as well - when you can try to sleep.

I agree with nc's advice - particularly with Easter coming up I would go to the GP today and ask for same day referral to epu.

Mapal Wed 27-Mar-13 09:24:47

So sorry to hear what you're going through. I have had 2 miscarriages, one at 12 weeks and one at 10 weeks just a couple of months ago. It is a rough ride, I am thinking of you. xxx

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 09:55:19

I'm sorry to hear that Mapal hmm

Gp rang. Said same as midwife. May be miscarrying, may not. Before 7 weeks they won't scan. Wants me to do another test on Tuesday and until then bed rest as much as possible. I really feel deep down that its a lost cause though. I was hoping to get it sorted before my birthday on Sunday.

COCKadoodledooo Wed 27-Mar-13 10:50:49

Would a private scan be an option Vix?

I had a mc at just over 11 weeks last year. I phoned my GP pretty much at the first sign of blood on the Thursday afternoon. He called me straight in to see him and tried to reassure me. He booked the earliest scan he could (Monday morning, and he was really quite strident with them and gave them an utter bollocking for not seeing me sooner!).

I was told to go to a&e if the pain got bad or I passed any clots, otherwise just take it easy and see how things went. I did end up going in on the Friday night as I was terrified at the amount of blood I was losing (maxi pad every 45 mins or so). I started passing huge clots whilst there and my bp dropped to 80/39 as a result of blood loss. So glad I was in hospital at that point!

Just that 24 hour period of not knowing what was going on was hideous so I really feel for you sad It was actually a relief in a way when it all kicked off so drastically and I knew what was happening.

Another thought that occurs, along with some people experiencing bleeding in pregnancy as being normal for them, is whether you may have been carrying twins and have sadly lost one of them.

Rest up and ensure you're looked after. I'm really sorry you're going through this and am thinking of you.

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 11:01:40

Thank you cockadoodledoo. The twin thing had crossed my mind too.

I can't afford a private scan unfortunately hmm but I've gone into hermit mode anyway. I just want to hide away, so staying in bed and waiting works for me right now.

escorpion Wed 27-Mar-13 12:32:49

I agree with ncsmummy I am shocked they told you to just go home. I am so sorry you are going through this.

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 18:57:36

Been heavily bleeding bright red blood with clots since 5pm so I'm wallowing in the bath. Tbh at this point I feel relief more than anything. Today has been so tough and to feel like I have an answer to my question is a comfort somehow. The birthday cards that are coming through my door feel like a slap in the face for some reason. I just don't want to celebrate this weekend hmm

Bakingtins Wed 27-Mar-13 19:15:22

Hi Vix I'm so sorry you are going through this, but agree in many ways the uncertainty makes it worse. I don't think you necessarily need to seek medical treatment if you are coping at home. The guidance is if you have bleeding heavy enough to soak a maxi pad in an hour for any period of time, or any pain that you are finding yourself unable to cope with, then go either to A+E or to EPU if they have any out of hours provision (ours does through gynae ward). If the worst bit passes for you this evening, then do a pregnancy test at weekly intervals and ask for advice if you are still getting a BFP. For me it has taken 3 weeks to get a BFN, but they've monitored HCG after 2 weeks as this is a little unusual (at 8 weeks pregnant). I would suggest that you let your GP know what has happened and ask that it's put into your medical records, in case (god forbid) you are ever in the situation of facing this multiple times and wanting tests.
I had a very scary miscarriage at 10 weeks and ended up in hospital for heavy bleeding, then 2nd time I panicked a bit and went in, and wished I hadn't, as the poking and prodding just makes it worse. 3rd time I held my nerve and stayed at home and was fine. If in doubt - phone for advice, it can be a frightening and isolating experience. I hope since it's early on it will not be too bad physically, but everyone is different.
Postpone your birthday - celebrate another time if you don't feel up to it.

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 19:39:59

Thank you for the advice. I am pretty scared about the hours ahead. I had a big haemorrhage after DS was born and I'm scared I might suffer one overnight and nobody will know as DH is a heavy sleeper. Probably irrational and silly but you read so many horror stories about miscarrying confusedconfused

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 19:40:52

And I'm so sorry you've gone through this so many times hmm

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 20:48:19

I passed what appeared to be a totally empty sac about an hour ago. I'm hoping that's the worst of it over with now.

Bakingtins Wed 27-Mar-13 20:55:26

Hopefully you'll find the bleeding will settle now and you can get some sleep tonight. Take it easy, and if you are worried don't hesitate to contact someone, that's what they are there for.

Welovegrapes Wed 27-Mar-13 21:07:43

Vix, you are coping amazingly well and hopefully that is the worst over now, physically speaking.

Un MN hugs to you.


xigris Wed 27-Mar-13 21:26:22

Ah, so sorry vix. flowersbrew.

vix206 Wed 27-Mar-13 21:39:26

Thank you everyone. I'm probably numb because I just feel relieved. I'm sure it will hit me at some point. So grateful for your support and I hope to be able to help others now too. hmm

vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 08:07:58

Today I feel like someone has ripped my heart out.

ncsmummy Thu 28-Mar-13 08:10:59

Vix I am so sorry to hear that. I am shocked that your gp was so unhelpful, I thought they would have reffered you.

I hope the bleeding settled down for you, its quite scary at the heaviest point. I was told to take a preg test after a week and if it was still positive the they wanted to see me again to monitor my hormone levels.
Take care of yourself, hugs xx

so sorry for you, I mc at home early January, really thought we were going to be ok as we'd seen a heartbeat but it wasn't to be. Take time for yourself now, cry if you want to, get angry to if it helps and don't rush back to work. x

Welovegrapes Thu 28-Mar-13 08:30:09

Dear Vix, I am so sorry about your loss sad

I remember the emotional pain of my mc very well and remember feeling waves of sadness. Try to keep eating and rest as much as you can and hopefully you are getting lots of hugs from your DH.

xx and un MN hugs from me

vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 08:35:39

Thank you. I'm feeling lonely because DH is having to care for DS (2.7). I'm hiding away upstairs very upset because I don't want DS to see me crying. I tried to get up and be with them but I just feel too sad.

Bakingtins Thu 28-Mar-13 09:13:03

sad take the time you need to hide away.

Slainte Thu 28-Mar-13 14:07:35

Agree with the other posters, take time to grieve.

DS will be absolutely fine with DH.

Welovegrapes Thu 28-Mar-13 14:16:45

Vix can your mum help with DS so you can have done cuddles with DH? A mc is such a hard thing to go through. We are all thinking of you and wish we could even slightly take the pain away. xx

GinAndSlimlinePlease Thu 28-Mar-13 14:19:41

Oh Vix, sorry to hear about your miscarriage. mine was very similar to yours. It is awful, I had mine confirmed on my birthday.

I hope you recover soon. Take some proper iron pills and lots of rest.

BaldricksTurnip Thu 28-Mar-13 14:23:27

Nothing helpful to add, just wanted to offer a hand hold. Poor poor love I hope you feel better soon xxx

vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 14:56:49

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate all the handholding.

After I passed the sac last night I thought the worst of the bleeding would be over but I'm bleeding more heavily this afternoon with little clots and feeling a bit flaky/giddy. I'm resting in bed again now. It's awful isn't it because you've no idea what's 'normal' in this situation.

My parents are here today looking after DS for me and tmw one if my best friends is coming. I feel so bad for DS as he wants me to play and I just can't.

vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 17:43:15

I've been trawling old threads on mumsnet, reading the sad stories of others. Finding comfort and feeling sympathy. I found a link to an article that really comforted me. I'm on my phone do can't link but the important text is as follows:

"It’s now known that cells from a developing fetus cross the placenta, allowing the baby’s DNA to become part of the mother’s body. These fetal cells persist in a woman’s body into her old age. (If she has been pregnant with a male child it’s likely she’ll have some Y-chromosomes drifting around for a few decades too). This is true even if the baby she carried didn’t live to be born. The cells of that child stay with her, resonating in ways that mothers have known intuitively throughout time."

Welovegrapes Thu 28-Mar-13 18:07:10

Vix I had never read that and the quote made me cry - in a good way. I still think of the baby I lost in May 2010 all the time - he or she would be 2 and a half now sad it is amazing to think that baby is part of me forever.

Hope you are managing to eat ok and not feeling too awful physically.


xigris Thu 28-Mar-13 18:16:21

Oh that quote is lovely Vix, I'll remember that. How are you feeling? Do you still feel giddy? If you're bleeding quite a lot then your blood pressure may have dropped so it might be worth speaking to NHS Direct or your local A&E department. You have my sympathies, this must be so hard flowers

vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 18:16:22

It's something I was aware of but never really looked into until today. Full article here:



vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 18:19:29

I feel a bit lightheaded but nothing too bad. I lost 2L of blood in a haemorrhage after DS was born so, compared to that, this is fine shock

I feel more positive this evening. Ive decided I am going to find a ring to always wear for my lost little one. As a keepsake for me. Having this as a project is already helping as its something to 'do'.

No appetite for food or water but I'm really going to try and have some dinner now.

Welovegrapes Thu 28-Mar-13 18:20:53

Yes please do try to eat. I couldn't and it made life harder later as I got quite weak and wobbly.

The ring is a lovely idea. My friend has a bracelet to remember her baby.

GinAndSlimlinePlease Thu 28-Mar-13 18:34:47

I got myself a remembrance necklace here

it's lovely to wear it and remember my much wanted baby.

vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 18:37:44

Wow gin that's beautiful thank you for sharing x

Slainte Thu 28-Mar-13 19:17:25

Oh Vix that has really made me cry. I'm still trying to emotionally recover from my 3rd miscarriage late last year. I'm glad to know that part of the baby will always be physically with me too.

I love the idea of some remembrance jewellery, I hadn't even thought of it.

After my ERPC my blood pressure was very low which made me feel dizzy so the nurses got me to drink gallons litres of water so please keep yourself hydrated.

Sorry I can't offer any words of wisdom except please know that you are not alone.

vix206 Thu 28-Mar-13 19:51:39

Thank you slainte and I'm sorry for causing tears, even if they are because you like the quote.

Bakingtins Fri 29-Mar-13 07:06:52

I'd seen that quote before but thanks for sharing it. It's a good idea to do something positive to honour your baby, the ring sounds like a lovely idea.

vix206 Fri 29-Mar-13 08:08:23

I found a necklace that I like. I've asked for it to be engraved and should receive it next week. DH is buying it for my birthday.

I'm feeling stronger today. First day I've got up with DS all week. Still bleeding quite a lot and I'm very hot but I feel quite well in myself.

I hope you all have a good Easter.

vix206 Fri 29-Mar-13 08:30:00

Damn. I thought I was doing so well then had a hot flush and got very strong period pains. So back to bed. I took my temp and although I was really hot and sweaty and then had chills it was only 36.8 so not feverish.

I thought, having lost the sac 2 days ago, the physical pain would be over?

marriedinwhiteagain Fri 29-Mar-13 08:42:54

I hadn't seen that quote before and the two dc I eventually had after three m/c and ds2 who was born at 27 weeks and didn't make it are almost grown now. After 16 years since the last loss I feel more at peace with that time than ever before.

I hope today's a better day vix. I am sorry. thanks

GinAndSlimlinePlease Fri 29-Mar-13 09:54:29

Oh Vix, do be gentle with yourself. I bleed for four weeks when miscarrying naturally. You need rest, rest and more rest.

vix206 Fri 29-Mar-13 10:19:17

Thanks Gin, I saw the sunshine and felt like doing something but my body isn't ready for too much upright stuff at the moment!

Creameggkr Fri 29-Mar-13 10:36:16

Gish that quote is so comforting. My little bit would have been 12 now and I also feel so happy knowing he's still in me a little.
Vix sorry you have had to go through this nobody knows how horrible it feels unless they e been there.
I have five healthy dc so have been incredibly blessed but still think of my mc often.
I also mc over my birthday sad sending you much love x

Creameggkr Fri 29-Mar-13 10:36:51

Boy not bit confused

ncsmummy Sat 30-Mar-13 06:10:16

Vix, I hope you are doing ok. That quote is lovely. I have ordered myself a necklace too, its quite a simple one but it will mean a lot to me x

vix206 Sat 30-Mar-13 07:17:48

Hi ncsmummy. I feel better today. The clots and pain appear to have stopped as of yesterday lunch time and so far so good. I'm hoping I can leave the house today, as I haven't since Monday.

I feel emotionally stronger too.

I hope you are holding up ok x

GuffSmuggler Sat 30-Mar-13 10:23:54

Hi vix, I posted earlier in your thread and wanted to say how sorry I am to hear it has been bad news. I've also just miscarried and just wanted to say I know it's just all totally crap. Take care of yourself x

vix206 Sat 30-Mar-13 11:57:00

I'm so sorry to hear that hmm take care. It's really awful isn't it?

escorpion Sat 30-Mar-13 20:39:18

vix just checking in. Hopefully you have got through the worst now, you have been very brave. I don´t think I could have dealt with a natural miscarriage. Thinking about you and all the other women this is happening to x

vix206 Sat 30-Mar-13 21:51:43

Hi escorpion thanks for checking in. I think I'm over the worst now. Bleeding less and no cramping, I've a dull ache in my lower back but that's it. Haven't cried today, got dressed, and went for a walk. So I feel like me again. Still tired and a little dizzy but I'm ok. Thank you x

ncsmummy Sun 31-Mar-13 07:33:35

vix I am glad that the worst of it has passed for you. I found I felt a bit more myself too at that point.
I hope that despite everything you have a good birthday hun flowers x

vix206 Sun 31-Mar-13 09:37:45

Thanks smile I'm really resenting the fact it's my birthday. I feel better now all the cards have been opened and plan to ignore my bday for the rest if the day. Going to the local little zoo to distract myself!

marriedinwhiteagain Sun 31-Mar-13 13:38:19

Hang in there vix.

I cried my eyes out on my birthday 16 years ago (sixish weeks after losing DS2 at 27 weeks). If anyone had told me on that day, or after an early m/c two/three, weeks later that on my next birthday I would have a pink and screaming five and a half week baby in my arms I would have thought they were stark raving bonkers. She was the only one I got to term - looks at dd, almost 15 wrapped in at least a metre of long blonde hair and still in a ruddy onesie having been yelled at to dress for lunch at least three times

I'm sure all will be well and in due course you will have the family you want but I appreciate from the bottom of my heart how effing difficult it is for some of us to get there. I rationalise it sometimes by the fact that if DS2 hadn't happened I wouldn't have dd and I cannot imagine not having this darling girl in my life. Inasmuch as I wish I hadn't had many mc's and would give all my heart for ds2 to have survived I also cannot imagine a life without the two dc I eventually got.

With love and many hugs. xxxxxxxx

Have a lovely time at the zoo. With love.

vix206 Sun 31-Mar-13 13:53:12

Thank you.

Sorry to always be moaning but I'm so hurt that 2 of my supposed closest friends have just totally ignored the grief I am feeling. They both have been told by DH (on Wednesday) what happened and neither have been in touch until today with 'hi hun have a fab birthday' type messages. I mean, seriously? As if I'm having anything approaching a fab day. I will not be able to forget the fact that my SIL and another very close friend have chosen to ignore the fact that I lost a child. hmm

Welovegrapes Sun 31-Mar-13 14:22:51

Vix I am so sorry they are being rubbish sad I found that people just have no idea what to say. They shy away from commenting for fear of saying the wrong thing, not realising that is very hurtful in itself. I've found only women who have mc before totally understand.

Hugs to you.

marriedinwhiteagain Sun 31-Mar-13 15:34:51

Moan all you want. You have Mnet. I wish it had been here 16 years ago when there was almost nowhere to turn except places like SANDS and other professional bereavement services sometimes manned by women who had yet to come to terms with their own grief or who had got involved for the right reasons for them but not necessarily for those who needed help.

The OBEM thread highlights both the hierarchy of grief (and having had notable m/c's at 8, 11 and 17 weeks as well as at least three or four at 6-7 weeks that is most misplaced, because actually one's recovery is directly related, IMO, to the professional care and understsanding one receives at the time) and the fact that m/c or the death of a new born baby before or after birth really is the last taboo.

Things have come on a bit in the last 16 years but not nearly enough.

Come on here whenever you like. What you are dealing with is crap of the highest order and it isn't sufficiently recognised in the perfect little society we are all told about. But, all will 99.99% be well in the end.

Hang on in there and don't let the bastards get you down - the majority of them really don't know any better or at best just don't know how to deal with it in today's world. A million miles down the lane you will find you are really not alone at all but I'm sorry it feels like it does right now. Take your little one in your arms and bless his very existence for you are blessed and will be blessed. Of "F" sorrry for getting sloppy.

vix206 Sun 31-Mar-13 17:03:54

You are very wise! Thank you x

BoffinMum Sun 31-Mar-13 17:14:32

Important to keep an eye on the bleeding, if it goes on and on and is really heavy, sometimes something is stuck and you need an op. Also if your cervix is open too long there is a risk of infection (like in the case of that poor woman in Ireland, who died when they would not operate).

Creameggkr Sun 31-Mar-13 17:31:22

They don't get it do they? In fairness I probably thought it was fairly trivial until it happened to me. Bad but true.
Yes you have indeed lost a child. I named mine Ruben Issac and remember him as such. I was 11 weeks.
I think it helped me to acknowledge that.

vix206 Sun 31-Mar-13 17:41:20

Bleeding has basically stopped now, thankfully smile

Because I was only 6/7 weeks pregnant I found it really hard to come up with a name. I thought long and hard about it and couldn't find a unisex one that 'worked'. But I can definitely see how that would help you.

Creameggkr Sun 31-Mar-13 17:54:21

I didn't do it at the time it's rather evolved over time.
I remember being very upset around Xmas ( I mc in October) I just felt so sad he'd never have a Christmas.
I have had two more since btw.
It took ages to conceive after the mc. Don't know why.
I often think maybe it was meant to be do that dd1and 2 could be born.
Just take your time there's no rush to feel better you are allowed to feel sad. We all did.

BoffinMum Sun 31-Mar-13 17:54:59

I chat to my miscarried child in the car when I am alone. Would have been 12 now.hmm

Creameggkr Sun 31-Mar-13 17:56:35

Same age as mine boffin I wonder if they have met smile

marriedinwhiteagain Sun 31-Mar-13 18:05:35

Am sure they are all together. DD's birthday is always a bit bittersweet - not that I let her know.

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