Just found out I had a MMC - what happens now?

(70 Posts)
icklemssunshine1 Wed 20-Feb-13 12:28:48

Hi all,

Started a thread yesterday debating whether I had a MMC or whether my dates were wrong. Anyway I had a transvaginal scan today & no foetus was detected. As a heartbeat was spotted last week they want to scan me again in a week's time as a doctor wouldn't do anything with being 100% sure. I knew my dates were correct - my last LMP was 4/12 yet at scan last week the foetus was only 6 weeks.

What I want to know is what should I expect now? Will I miscarry naturally or what are the alternatives?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

Couldn't read and run, so sorry you are going through thissad
I hope someone comes along with answers soon.
Lots of (((Hugs))) to you x

icklemssunshine1 Wed 20-Feb-13 13:07:20

Thank you Pumpkin, feeling bit lost and numb at moment sad

WillSantaComeAgain Wed 20-Feb-13 13:10:49

Vey sorry to hear that ickle. It's a horrible thing to go through but you will get through it. There are three options and it may be worth thinking about what you want to go for. You could wait (expectant management) and see if your body starts to miscarry naturally. Or you could be offered a drug to things off and then let your body do the rest, or thirdly you can have an ERPC (hideous and insensitive name). This is where you have a general anithesitc (can't spell it) and they will remove whatever is left in your uterus.

Which you go for is obviously a personal thing (though under medical guidance). Personally I hated the thought of any more uncertainty and went for the surgically route to get it over and done. I had period like bleeding for less than 12 hrs then just a few days of light spotting. Last time my cycles came back in 4 weeks - hopefully they will do this time as well as want to start ASAP.

Happy to answer any more questions that I can, but hugs in the meantime. Xx

MrsSpencerReid Wed 20-Feb-13 13:22:32

Hope you don't mind me asking a few things too! How long will they let you wait? Presumably they can't wait forever!! Also, do you have to wait to try again with medical or surgical management? I was going to try and get a GP appt but I dont know if they would know much about what happens either as I assume they always refer people to hosp.

icklemssunshine1 Wed 20-Feb-13 13:24:06

Thanks WillSanta. So sorry you had to go through this. I'm already feeling I would like the surgical option as sounds harsh, but just want it over with so can move forward. The next week is going to be difficult as I feel I'm in some horrible limbo & also afraid I may start miscarrying naturally any moment. Still feels like its not happening at the minute sad

How did you deal with telling people if you don't mind me asking? X

icklemssunshine1 Wed 20-Feb-13 13:25:01

How are you Mrs? Any news?

MrsSpencerReid Wed 20-Feb-13 13:59:15

No change here, although like you I am worried I'll start bleeding at any moment! I keep thinking of loads of questions but don't know who to ask! Saw some friends at lunch but now I'm counting down the hours till OH gets home! Hope you're looking after yourself and getting lots of chocolate

Bakingtins Wed 20-Feb-13 14:25:27

I'm very sorry that you are both going through this.

Most hospitals recommend that you wait until you've had one period before trying again, that is the same for any of the methods of management. There is more information available at the Miscarriage Association on all three options.
I've had natural and medical management of MC, as I had already started to bleed each time when the scan showed baby had died I was not offered an ERPC. I had the equivalent of an ERPC after the birth of my son for retained placenta and given the choice between that and weeks of limbo I would opt for the surgery, but it's a very personal decision.

icklemssunshine1 Wed 20-Feb-13 15:42:15

Thanks Bakingtins. Think I would opt for surgery, I also had a retained placenta with my DD so if that's what the surgery is like I def want that. Just fearful of a natural miscarriage now - when it'll happen/how painful/how much bleeding. I'm on holiday this week so if anything happens I hope it'll be in the next couple of days. I'm a teacher & dread the thought of anything happening whilst I'm in front of a class sad

Mrs - trying to look after myself. OH had day off today - was supposed to be taking DD out sad No chocolate but plenty of sweets smile Hope you're pampering yourself too & when you OH comes home he cooks you a lovely meal x

WillSantaComeAgain Thu 21-Feb-13 07:08:16

Sorry for not replying yesterday. I'm not sure how long they would let you wait for you to miscarry naturally- I think quite a few weeks from what I recall in my extensive obsessive reading around this. But the NICE guidelines make it clear that the choice is down to the woman if you feel like waiting isn't an option for you.

It doesn't sound harsh to say you want it over with at all, it sounds totally natural. I don't think things start that suddenly- you'll probably start spotting first, so don't worry about being out or in front of people.

I told people by email last time- I wanted to let everyone know the facts but couldn't face telling them face to face. This time. Apart from my mum and sister, we're not telling anyone. People are either too sympathetic (which I hate) or so totally crass and insensitive anyway that its easier if people don't know, IMHO.

It gets better, I promise. Yes, it will be utterly shit for a while, but you will get through it. xx

icklemssunshine1 Thu 21-Feb-13 10:19:44

Thanks for the reply WillSanta. Hadn't told many people anyway, those that I had I just sent them a text. Couldn't bare to face them. My DH rang his mum & broke down on phone so I chickened out! Have even got my brother to tell my mum sad

Have a hospital appointment next Weds so I'll demand surgery if nothing has happened, it's only been 24 hours and the wait is making things worse.

Thanks for the kind words. These threads are keeping me sane at the moment.

MrsSpencerReid Thu 21-Feb-13 12:12:26

Hi, I don't blame you for chickening out!! I just said its bad news and left it at that! Am supposed to be off to visit a friend, keeping busy and all that, but I've got really bad cramps and I kept waking up in the night thinking I was bleeding, I'm not, so I don't know what to do. Am hoping bleeding stays away till at least sat when my mum gets here! OH has got a horrid week at work so I feel bad asking him to not work extra cos I know he needs to and it's only till sat, ugh, hope I haven't missed anything, am on my phone so can't see your posts!

MrsSpencerReid Thu 21-Feb-13 12:13:09

Oh, the miscarriage association link was great, thanks

icklemssunshine1 Thu 21-Feb-13 13:36:26

Hi Mrs,

Hope you're not in too much pain. My fear is something will start when I'm alone. Have decided to not go back to work next week as I'm afraid of something happening whilst I'm there. Have phoned my midwife to see if she can speed things along with regards to a consultant appointment but she hasn't ring me back yet. Would rather it over with. My DH asked if he wanted me to stay home today but he's for his own business so he's needed there, felt if he's trying to be strong so should I. Glad people IRL are rallying around for you, meeting friends for coffee tomorrow. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. We'll see how I cope!

Keep taking care of yourself & keep me updated of how you're doing. Try & get through this mess together!

LandsN Thu 21-Feb-13 14:41:36

Hi I am so sorry for your losses I went through this in dec (3rd time) and miscarried the day I had the scan naturally but tbh I wish I had had the surgical method as I was so worried something was wrong and it had not all come away but on the up side for those who asked about trying again I have had 1 af and am now 5 weeks pg again and do feel different this time not sure if that's good or not?
My thoughts are with u and good luck ttc again xx

icklemssunshine1 Thu 21-Feb-13 17:23:58

LandsN, thank you for taking time to reply. Sorry you had to go through this 3 times. You must be so strong. Congratulations on your pregnancy - glad to know there's light at the end of this dark tunnel. Look after yourself & the little one.

LandsN Thu 21-Feb-13 17:38:07

Thank you and believe me I am not strong if I hadn't got a bfp this month think it would have hit me hard and there is definitely a light at the end of a very dark tunnel hope u find yourself there soon x

MrsSpencerReid Fri 22-Feb-13 09:39:34

Agh, my post vanishedhmm in short, started spotting last night, seeing practice nurse later, will post properly after

icklemssunshine1 Fri 22-Feb-13 10:31:42

Hugs Mrs sad

dorapeppageorgenoddy Fri 22-Feb-13 10:37:05

Ickle - how are you feeling? Do you have a date when you are next being seen?

icklemssunshine1 Fri 22-Feb-13 10:44:06

Physically still nothing has happened, no pains, spotting, nothing. Emotionally still a bit all over place. Think I'm okay & then something triggers a weep - today the postman knocked on the door to hand me a package. I know it's the maternity dress I ordered from eBay. Serves me right for forward planning sad

Tried contacting my midwife. Left two messages yesterday but she hasn't ring back. Bit annoyed tbh!! Not sure whether to try again - would I be seen at weekend? Besides as its w'end & DH will be home I'd rather us do family stuff with our dd to take my mind off things.

Waiting sucks sad

icklemssunshine1 Fri 22-Feb-13 10:45:55

How are you dora? Are you able to rest? Did you get any better sleep at home?

dorapeppageorgenoddy Fri 22-Feb-13 11:14:18

I'm sad, empty feeling - took some codeine to help me sleep - this is half term for me which is bitter sweet - I hope you hear back today -

icklemssunshine1 Fri 22-Feb-13 11:24:05

sad Big hugs.

Half term for me as well, are you a teacher too? Left a msg on mud wife's phone this time explaining what has happened. She called me back (getting my name wrong) & said she was on holiday & to call my GP. Cheers love! Rang my GP & was put straight on to speak to him. I explained I was worried about waiting. My fear is I go back to work & it starts whilst I'm in front of a class. His answer? It's prob happened already. Love the caring NHS. Feel worse than I did 1 hour ago sad

Keep resting & don't go back to work til you're ready.

dorapeppageorgenoddy Fri 22-Feb-13 11:50:35

Yes a teacher as well! Which makes it all really strange does as Sept plans were sorted now its all change - had you told school yet? No one knew for me at school -

Your gp sounds very un-knowledgable - not sure of the area you are in but some areas allow self referral to Early Pregnancy Units or if you find your local one just ask the duty doctor for a referral to one - if you speak to them the EPU they should tell you how to get a referral -

The consultant got everything happening so quick because I said about half term and he said you don't want anything to start in the classroom so he was very good -

I think with the NHS it is all about who you get through to or who you speak to - I think today you need to try and push a bit if you feel strong enough - and hopefully you can be seen at EPU -

Let me know and thinking of you -

dorapeppageorgenoddy Fri 22-Feb-13 11:52:22


icklemssunshine1 Fri 22-Feb-13 13:42:29

I have created all kinds of trouble for my school now! Someone in my dept is leaving in July so school decided to interview early to get good candidates. The interviews were last week so I told my HoD I was pregnant so they could employ someone for a year on a temp contract - which they did - our current PGCE student sad I feel awful now sad

I don't know what to do regarding scan. My GP said if there's no foetus they make not offer me surgery. I really just want it over with now. The thought of carrying an empty sac (or even worse) is making me sick. Might get my DH to call later, I haven't got the energy now. Think I'll go to school Mon & just let everyone know I may have to leave at a second'a notice & then the ball's in their court whether they want to let me in front of a class or not. Don't know what age group you teach but I'm worrying about how the time off will affect my A-level & GCSE groups which I know is stupid as I should be focussing on me.

Big sigh!! Thanks for the link (& your support when you should be taking care of yourself!)

dorapeppageorgenoddy Fri 22-Feb-13 14:14:49

Your husband calling is a good idea - the GP sounds like he has no idea - I was only measuring 7 weeks and they still did the surgery - a consultant will help you just hope you get seen ASAP - don't worry about school, things change all the time someone else may come back and hand in notice etc - the exam children will be fine - if you have energy this weekend just have your planning/cover ready so you don't have to worry about it at all if/when you need time away -

MrsSpencerReid Fri 22-Feb-13 21:27:54

Right, here goes! LandsN, congrats, I'm sure feeling different is good, this time I never really felt preg which I guess was the first sign something was up.
Ickle glad the mw got back to you althoughhmm she was useless, not really sure what your GP was on about though! If it were me I wouldn't go in on mon, all I've been able to think about is suddenly bleeding loads while out, which thankfully hasn't happened! Right now you need to look after yourself. I guess I'm lucky as I am high risk so already under a consultant and have got an appt for right after the scan on tues. although the bleeding is getting heavier now and the cramping worsehmm the nurse was useless, she spent most of the time trying to work out if I needed another scan even though I told her I had one booked and that I didn't want another one, just a bit of advice/reassurance! She basically said go home and wait till tues and only take paracetamol so I don't harm the baby, there is no baby stupid woman! Agh! I think I'm going to have to wait it out now in terms of medical/surgical options, the same things that make me high risk in preg make surgery more complicated and now it's started I don't know if medical management would benefit me,
Dora, hope you are looking after yourself and have some time off work too, I'm not at all envious of your drugs! luckily I'm on annual leave so I guess that is one worry less! wineAll round I think

icklemssunshine1 Sat 23-Feb-13 07:22:02

Sounds like you've had a horrendous 24 hours in terms of medical professionals too! Feel like screaming! I know they have to follow certain procedures but I also know my body! I just hope I get to see a consultant after my scan Weds as I really don't want to wait any longer. The waiting is terrible, every little twinge I'm thinking 'is this it?' Just want to get out & do normal things but, like you, afraid something could start any minute. Guess DD's trip to the safari park will be postponed again sad Would love a glass of wine but then I think 'am I betraying the baby?' Then again there is no baby sad On the positive I've really appreciated all the support on here, feel I can be totally honest. IRL find I'm putting on a front as not to upset people. My MIL visited yesterday & she was in tears, I ended up comforting her!

Dora hope you've had a better night'a sleep, I'd really consider at least a week from work. Our job is stressful enough.

Mrs, hope the pain has subsided somewhat. Keep me updated.

Big hugs to you both smile

CharlW1 Sat 23-Feb-13 07:37:38

Didn't want to read the thread without unit saying anything. So sorry for your loss and also to everyone else going through the same on this thread. I had a MMC last year and opted for an ERPC but I was told that if I didn't want to go through the surgical route then I could take tablets to speed things up.
Big hugs to you x

icklemssunshine1 Sat 23-Feb-13 07:43:16

Thank you Charl. I def want the surgery, think it'll be a quicker process physically. That's why I'm worried about starting to miscarry naturally, it's an unknown to how long it'll last. So sorry you had to go through this. It's terrible so many of us are but the support is amazing smile

MrsSpencerReid Sun 24-Feb-13 16:39:42

Sorry I've not posted sooner, cramping is awful, bleeding like a period now hmm spoke to gp earlier as I was crying in pain, he agreed it sounded like a mmc, finally! And rang the hosp for some advice for me! Got some stronger painkillers and the number for the ward to ring if I need anything before scan on tues, am so glad I managed to speak to someone who listened to me and agreed with me about the mmc phew! Ickle def go for surgery, this is more painful than the section for DS!! Anyway, I feel so much better now I have a number to ring, hope everyone else is ok and looking after themselves, sainsburys have half price cookies atm!!

Quodlibet Sun 24-Feb-13 17:05:23

Sorry to hear of everyone's losses.
OP I was exactly where you are over Xmas after my MMC was discovered at 12 wk scan on Xmas eve. The limbo/waiting was horrible. I ended up ringing the EPAU where I was due to go back in for the repeat scan and asking them to book me in the same day as my scan for an ERPC - like you I was certain of my dates and knew there was no baby. They were very sympathetic and did book me in, and the ERPC itself was fine. Do insist they give you cautionary antibiotics.
I wanted to post because you are clearly worrying a lot about work, and I wanted to give you a heads up that you perhaps need to prepare for taking some time off. I rushed back to work too soon out of a sense of responsibility to others and it was a massive mistake - emotionally I did not give myself the rest and the break that I needed, and physically I underestimated how much it would wipe me out. Please try to put work to one side and take a couple of weeks off - I don't think you should be going in tomorrow to be honest. This is a major life event, you need to put yourself first and look after yourself otherwise your recovery might take much longer. I wish you well.

icklemssunshine1 Mon 25-Feb-13 10:38:31

Thanks for your reply & your advice. Sorry for your loss sad I rang gynaecology outpatients this morning after reading your post & I have been provisionally booked in for an EPRC after my scan on Weds. Finally feel like something is being done - thank you! I haven't gone to work but feel really guilty although I know that's totally irrational! Feeling at a but of a loose end at the moment sad

How are you feeling today Mrs?

Quodlibet Mon 25-Feb-13 11:19:06

Ickle I am glad to hear both those things. My counsellor, when I was telling her about how I was still marking essays the day after my ERPC because I felt too guilty to pass them on to colleagues, asked me the question 'so why were you putting your colleagues above yourself, and looking after them rather than looking after you?' I have been mulling that over all week. My experience was that I tried very hard to soldier on when I should have taken time off properly, and then that caused my body and my brain to force me to stop which was very hard, and I think has prolonged my recovery. So maybe worth thinking that, for the sake of your team as well as yourselft if you want to be reliably back at work and at full capacity later this term, you need to take time off now and properly rest. I don't want to alarm you, but you need to be prepared to feel floored later even if you feel fine now - it can be very up and down - and I needed this saying to me several hundred times for it to sink in!

dorapeppageorgenoddy Mon 25-Feb-13 11:49:42

Ickle - I hope everything goes ok on Wednesday will be thinking of you -


MrsSpencerReid Mon 25-Feb-13 16:52:38

Ickle glad you've got some time off work and that you're booked in for wed, I'm feeling a lot better today thanks, scan tomorrow so will see what it shows, even though I'm bleeding I've not passed many clots so I'm a bit worried they might want to operate, just have to wait and see, I'll let you know what they say. Hope you're taking it easy

icklemssunshine1 Mon 25-Feb-13 19:04:32

Thanks for all the kind words, trying to look after myself (& not feel guilty!). My DD has picked up yet another virus from nursery so have been up all night, praying for some sleep tonight. Not possible to tell a 19 month old that mummy needs some rest!

Quod/dora (if you don't mind me asking) how did you feel after your surgerys? dora I know from your posts that you felt quite unwell, are you feeling any better? I know I shouldn't be thinking of work but I know they would like a guide to when I'll be back.

Mrs I really hope physically it'll be over for you soon. Can't believe it's almost been a week since I first posted & you replied. Feels an eternity sad keep looking after yourself smile

MrsSpencerReid Mon 25-Feb-13 19:43:25

Me too, thanks, if it were me I'd tell work I'm having a few weeks off and then if you're able to go back sooner thats a bonus, I'm not thinking about work at the mo, except the fact they didn't pay me this month angry

dorapeppageorgenoddy Mon 25-Feb-13 20:01:49

Ickle - physically I was surprised how ok I felt immediately afterwards - then slowly I think it all hit and I did feel quite poorly over the weekend - pain and increased bleeding - and a bit of a low level temp -

But having rested properly the pain has gone and bleeding much less (day 5)

Mentally still very active dreams/mind at night so not sleeping - very sad and physically I look (not just being dramatic) very very pale and poorly - washed out -

I am not sure if that helps -

The procedure was fine - I remember the clock being 10 pm when I was being put to sleep and just before 11 when I woke in recovery - I cried all the time in the hospital, literally did nt stop all the way to theatre and afterwards and on discharge and the staff were all very very kind -

I agree with a previous poster if you book 10 to 14 days away from work and then you may go back earlier but it gives you that time that is needed to physically repair and have lots of duvet days to mentally have time for yourself -

Quodlibet Mon 25-Feb-13 20:09:14

Ickle, I felt remarkably OK after the ERPC, groggy from the anaesthetic and a bit weak but not too bad. HOWEVER, this lulled me into a false sense of security that I was 'fine'. I had the op on the Monday and by Friday thought I was well enough to go out all day and all evening. Early hours of Saturday morning I developed a really high fever and ended up in out-of-hours being prescribed very strong ABs for an infection,. It turns out I had residual tissue which I subsequently passed at home, but I really really think it was the going out which tipped my body into infection territory, and it was the infection and treating it which really wiped me out. The consultant I saw afterwards was quite surprised I hadn't been given precautionary ABs after my ERPC - this is why I am recommending that you insist on some. And why I am advocating taking it easy for longer than you might feel is necessary. If I was your doctor, to be on the safe side I'd say you should definitely take 10 days off and not go back to work until at least 2 weeks today if you are having an ERPC on Wednesday.

Quodlibet Mon 25-Feb-13 20:12:14

I should add that I don't want to scare you, I think both residual tissue and infection after ERPC are quite rare (and both easily treated) but my point being that you shouldn't take any risks, and as Dora says, be prepared to feel worse a week after the ERPC than the day after, it's a lot for your body to go through, and I think the hormone crash also contributes to leaving you feeling wiped out.

icklemssunshine1 Mon 25-Feb-13 20:40:12

Thanks all for your honesty. I'm one of these people who had to know ALL the facts even if it can be frightening; somehow feel calmer & much more prepared. Will let work know I could be out up to two weeks then to be on safe side. I'm going to have to write down a list of questions to ask consultant Weds - they won't know what's hit them when I take out my pad & pen!! Any advice on things I need to but re painkillers and sanitary pads (type)?

dorapeppageorgenoddy Mon 25-Feb-13 21:11:29

I just had dark tracksuit bottoms/pjs with me about 4 clean ones and a dressing gown as when you are in the gown waiting to go down and afterwards the dressing gown helps - I got back to the ward at about midnight and was desperate to get out of the gown which was stained - my bp was too low for them to want me to go to the loo but I asked again and as the rest of the ward was sleeping they helped and I felt so much better when in my own clothes, by the morning I had to change the trousers again - but then it settled down -

Exactly as (can't remember the name as on my phone) the pp said it was strange how ok I felt and like her I probably did too much and the got pain, temp etc - I did nt go to ooh but was very tempted as felt awful but really rested and feel ok this evening -

Have a massive headache and dreading sleep but all ok -

Just pack as if you are staying in Ben of day patient as there is a chance you may stay in - headphones and iPod/iPhone as the ward at night is pretty grim and even the daytime is quite depressing -

I also did nt eat while I was in but was glad I had Ribena/lucazade for when you can drink -

They recommend maternity towels but they had them there as I had not gone home -

Like previous poster I was shocked no antibiotics to go home with, it used to be standard but maybe one of those cuts, ask about it as I think getting them afterward is quite common-

For pain relief I had codeine in hospital and diclofenic at home but only needed it post 48hrs -

They will go through everything before they went through if this happens we will operate here and if this happens we will cut here - so in recovery I remember feeling my tummy to see if I had any cuts!

Keep asking and here if you need anything -

dorapeppageorgenoddy Mon 25-Feb-13 21:13:26

Sorry about typos - not even sure what Ben is meant to mean in the day ward bit! Sorry!

Quodlibet Mon 25-Feb-13 22:43:58

Ickle I am exactly the same about wanting to know things in advance.

For my ERPC I was in and out of the hospital in about 3 hours, and actually took far too much stuff - there was no point me putting my own dressing gown on as I was only in the hospital gown about 30 minutes before my op, and then I got changed back into my own clothes straight after I came round. The one thing that I wasn't prepared for was walking into the operating theatre (day surgery) and getting on the operating table myself - I thought I would be wheeled in for some reason! Everyone in the unit was incredibly nice to me and I felt very very well prepared.

Take some light snacks that you think you might fancy when you come round, otherwise it's rank hospital sandwiches only. You will need to be nil by mouth on Weds in preparation (hopefully they told you that) so may well be hungry. Leave your jewelry at home (they cover wedding rings with a plaster).

For the whole of my MC I bought 3 large packs of sanitary towels and I still have most of one pack left over. Normal heavy-duty pads were fine for me, the bleeding was rarely very heavy and I was mainly sitting on the sofa not doing anything active. I took paracetamol and ibuprofen together for the worst pain (which was just a few hours when I was expelling the tissue). Heat packs/hot water bottles are good, and lots of lightweight bumf to fill the hours on the sofa, your concentration may not be very long.

icklemssunshine1 Tue 26-Feb-13 07:49:27

Thanks again both of you for advice - really appreciate it smile I had day surgery in Oct (tonsillectomy) so I was the same regarding walking to theatre etc. I wasn't released that day though as although had surgery around 12 the anaesthetic made me sick so I couldn't eat, therefore when I did eat at around 8 it was too late to go home. I'm going to take my overnight bag just in case. As I have a scan in morning ice been told to go with a full bladder but not to have anything else to drink after, I can have a light breakfast before 7. Phew! I'm terrible if I don't eat! Good idea about taking some food! Off to Asda today to buy supplies. Can't face buying maternity towels (dora don't know how you did that sad ) so I'll buy this thickest sanitary towel. Hopefully I can by on paracetamol & ibuprofen; I do have codeine left over from my tonsillectomy but that made me sick.

Thanks again for getting back to me. Will keep you updated.

dorapeppageorgenoddy Tue 26-Feb-13 08:30:09

Hi Ickle - I did nt buy the maternity pads they were in the ward loos already - nighttime sanitary towels have been fine - my husband bought all my stuff in as I did nt go home from the scan so he just followed my list! Anyway hope my badly written posts have made some sense!

Hope all goes well -

icklemssunshine1 Tue 26-Feb-13 10:38:08

Actually dora I remember you saying that in one of your posts. Sorry! Got some nighttime pads in, plenty of puzzle books & a trashy crime thriller. (Plus loads of chocolate) All set I guess :-/

MrsSpencerReid Tue 26-Feb-13 21:16:14

Scan confirmed mmc but as I'm bleeding already they recommended waiting a week too see if it happens naturally, got an appt next tues and if there still bits left I can have an erpc under local which is what I'm going to do. Hope tomorrow goes as well as possible for you ickle, will be thinking of you

Quodlibet Wed 27-Feb-13 10:03:06

Ickle, thinking of you today thanks

icklemssunshine1 Wed 27-Feb-13 13:07:18

Mrs I hope you're not in too much pain & you don't have to have this prolonged with an ERPC.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts - and thank you for the virtual flowers Quod!

Am on the ward now. PM surgery begins at 2 but I don't know where I am on the list. Hopefully a Dr can tell me soon. Gynae ward is above maternity but manages to dodge any pregnant ladies. I I'd have has to walk past a pregnant woman smoking I would have had a fit!!

Will update later if I feel okay smile

dorapeppageorgenoddy Wed 27-Feb-13 20:17:21

Hi ickle - are you ok? Sorry only posting now had to go to work today!?! But it actually helped my mind as I was getting a bit dark-

Thinking of you -

icklemssunshine1 Thu 28-Feb-13 10:06:02

The ERPC was successful & I was allowed home last night. Touch wood but I've woken up pain-free & just having very light bleeding. I have been signed off work til a week on Monday so am going to use that time to relax & look after myself.

dora I hope work was a positive step for you. How are you feeling?

MrsSpencerReid Thu 28-Feb-13 10:42:15

Glad you're feeling ok and you've got some time off. Hope you're being well looked after smile I'm feeling ok now, just got normal period bleeding and pain

icklemssunshine1 Sat 02-Mar-13 05:43:03

Hi Mrs,

I'm glad (if that can be the word!) that things are progressing as they should be physically. Same here for me. The period like pain has stopped and the bleeding is minimal. Emotionally I'm a wreck. Found out the a friend and colleague is 12 weeks pregnant with twins - EDD the same week as what should have been mine. sad

Quodlibet Sat 02-Mar-13 09:30:19

Oh Ickle sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. That is really hard news to take on board.

dorapeppageorgenoddy Sat 02-Mar-13 11:53:14

Hi Ickle - glad physically all went ok this is the hardest part mentally - look after yourself and allow yourself to cry and talk to your partner -

Like you I had a friend who has announced she is 13 weeks this week - I knew early but did nt tell her I was pregnant too, thank goodness but this week it went public and it was hard -

Take care of yourself - my mind keeps oscillating between TTC again soon and going on the pill and ignoring it all for a while -

MrsSpencerReid Sat 02-Mar-13 13:22:54

Oh ickle, that's shit. OH cousin is preg, got her 20w scan next week, I've blocked her on Facebook and luckily she doesn't live close, I didn't even like her that much before! I'm just trying to treat the bleeding like a normal period and try and get back to normal!

icklemssunshine1 Sat 02-Mar-13 21:26:07

Can't believe how difficult this is. Most if the time I felt normal & then something reminds me that I'm no longer pregnant & I fall apart. I think hearing about my friend's pregnancy had just triggered the grief I was holding in sad

dora I'm the same as you. DH would like to try again ASAP & my friend told me that she has a friend who miscarried who felt the need to be pregnant by their EDD (& is), but I'm not sure. I would love to be a mother again & give my DD a little brother or sister but if I miscarried again I think it would break me.

Definitely a black day today. I go back to work Weds, I know it'll be hard bug hopefully it'll give me something else to focus on.

Hope you're all doing as well as can be smile

Quodlibet Sun 03-Mar-13 10:10:11

Ickle I think that until we experience it we don't appreciate what a 'proper' bereavement miscarriage can be. It really is hard, the grief you feel runs very deep. Don't expect too much of yourself, you need to give things time and let those feelings come to the surface.

This passage, from a book about miscarriages called Unspeakable losses, really helped me:

'Grief, when allowed to happen naturally, tends to come in waves. After the first initial shock of the loss abates, waves of sorrow begin to wash over you quite unpredictably. At first the waves are huge and close together and you are afraid you will drown. Eventually they get smaller and more manageable, and you grow less afraid of them, although a big one can still take you by surprise. The phrase "working through" grief means that you are able to get to the point where you can just stand there and let the waves sweep over you and not try to run or to pretend you are not getting soaked. Standing there feeling the waves, you start to realise that this is as bad as it's going to get and you begin to understand that you are going to survive. That's when you start to pass to the other side of mourning: acceptance and making peace with the loss.'

IrnBruTheNoo Sun 03-Mar-13 10:26:56

Sorry to those who have been through this. I had a MMC early 2009. I miscarried naturally as I didn't want medical intervention and trusted my body would do what it had to do. It was like a mini-labour with contractions coming and going until the sac was finally expelled. Very upsetting time looking back now. No one prepared me for the practical side of things to come at that time (for example, you'd need a lot of maternity pads). I didn't realise so much would come away (sorry). It's a shame it is not openly spoken about more often, so we can prepare ourselves practically for these difficult times.

icklemssunshine1 Sun 03-Mar-13 12:19:56

Quod, thank you. The passage made me cry but only as it depicted exactly what I'm feeling. Looking forward to the 'little waves' smile

Irn, you're absolutely right. Now this has happened I now know 3 people IRL who have also experienced this. Why don't we talk about it more? Now that I am going through it I realise what a lonely situation it can be - everyone carrying on normally whilst our lives have changed overnight. We should talk more so a good support system can be in place.

dorapeppageorgenoddy Sun 03-Mar-13 14:58:35

Ickle - exactly what I felt/wrote on my post as i was going through it was the loneliness surrounding it -

Be gentle on yourself, I felt very dark on the Monday & Tuesday but the pressure of returning was both negative and positive - and although very emotional when the first round of people asked me how I was (they did not know-just thought I was ill) I did feel better after the first day back -

But had another wobble when asked what my September plans are - just cried knowing what thy should have been -

Here for you if you need to chat - have started a thread for support that we can talk on x

MrsSpencerReid Sun 03-Mar-13 20:07:56

I had a wobble today, went to mil and OH cousin was there talking excitedly about her 20w scan hmm I didn't know she was there till I walked trough the door, a warning text would have been nice! I didn't like her before, like her even less now!

icklemssunshine1 Sun 03-Mar-13 20:47:17

Oh Mrs, that must have been awful. Seeing my friend yesterday and her telling me her EDD is 10 days after what mine should have been made me feel sick. At least she had the good grace to not talk about get pregnancy but I made her. She is my friend though & I don't want her to feel like she can't share her happy time because its painful for me. Things are such a mess!

dora had set up a support thread, hope to see you on it smile

MrsSpencerReid Sun 03-Mar-13 21:05:28

It's hard isn't it hmm I have another friend who is 32w but she is having a crappy time and had a previous mc and has really supported me through the last few weeks so I can just about cope with that, also, I like her grin will try and find the support thread

littlemissmalibu Thu 07-Mar-13 17:55:14

I have just found this post and had to reply. Sorry for all of your losses. It is just awful :-( Ickle, I too found out that i had a mmc at my 12 week scan on February 22nd. The baby had died at 6 weeks and had no heartbeat. What a shock. I too had to wait for one week because they wanted to rescan me. At the 2nd scan they confirmed that there had been no changes and that the baby was 100% gone. I was devastated. In between the first and second scan i did alot of research on what options i had next. I couldnt stand to wait for it to happen naturally because ive heard it takes weeks. The thought of surgery terrified me :-( The doctors asked me which option I would like to choose. I opted for the medical management although i was frightened of what to expect. I had read stories of people being in intense pain from the drugs and being distressed when finally passing their baby and seeing it. I was told by the hospital to go early on Sunday morning to start the treatment. Luckily i had my own room. I had the first lot of tablets vaginally and then two more tablets orally 3 hours later and then another 2 lots of tablets after that. I had nausea, chills and upset tummy. I was on and off the toilet for about 5 hours after taking the 3rd lot of tablets. I wont go into detail but i had cramps but nothing major. I didnt need any painkillers. The nurses told me that what i had passed was not the baby. I was offered the option of repeating the treatment again on Monday. I repeated the whole process again and unforunately no baby passed again. My body clearly did not want to let go! I was discharged from hospital on Monday evening and I was added to the waiting list for surgery. Before I was discharged I demanded a scan because I wanted to see if anything had passed before i opted for the surgery. I was told that they would not usually offer a scan. Luckily for me there was a cancellation on Tuesday morning for a scan. I had the scan on Tuesday and the scan revealed that the sac and the baby had moved from my uterus and were sitting just above my cervix. I was sent to the ward immediately and I was offered the option of trying the medical management one more time due to the baby being so low down. I was so desperate to avoid surgery so i agreed to have one more go at taking the drugs. As a back up i was also added to the emergency surgery list for Wednesday. After taking the second lot of tablets I passed my baby along with the placenta and umbilical cord. I thought that I would be disturbed when I saw it but instead I was calm but obviously emotional. I was discharged yesterday and now I am at home resting. I didnt think I would be this weak. The bleeding isnt nice and i keep feeling faint. The only thing keeping me going is thinking about trying again. My thoughts are with all of you that are also going through the same thing as me. xxxx

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