Please help - I feel lost x

(192 Posts)

I posted on here last week as I had been anxious since I got my BFP and had some lovely reassuring responses.

My HCG level had been re-tested last week and come back all good so was looking forward to my early scan that I had booked hoping to see the heartbeat for full reassurance.

We went yesterday and after an abdominal and internal scan the guy said he couldn't see a heartbeat - just a sac and foetus with no heartbeat - we were devastated and spoke to our local maternity unit who said we go to A&E and they will re-do bloods however they came back increased (from 17866 on 30th Jan to 20202) so we were given a small glimmer of hope.

Just been for a wee and have some brown discharge so I guess the sonographer was right. I am so sad hmm I don't know how I should act or what to do - I am scared of what is to come and passing the baby (because that's what it is to me - I can't rationalise it as some cells that didn't form properly).

I desperately wanted another baby and a sibling for my little boy - he is 4 in April and I was already worried about a big age gap.

Please help me xxx

ImpatientOne Sun 03-Feb-13 11:35:37

Sorry that you are going through this sad

janey1234 Sun 03-Feb-13 11:38:58

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My only advice is to be kind to yourself and take things easy. If you work don't go back too quickly, give yourself time to grieve.

It had a mc at 12 weeks and it takes it out of you more than you expect. But you will get through it, and you will be ok, with time.

Take care

Thank you for the replies - I am so scared of not knowing what to expect - how long it will take or how much it will hurt? Its crazy that 24 hours ago we were so full of excitement and so unaware of what was in store - it's hard to imagine ever feeling that excitement again.

Sorry if I sounds over dramatic - I just don't know how to put it into words x

janey1234 Sun 03-Feb-13 12:15:12

How many weeks pregnant were/are you? I can only really tell you for the 12 week stage.
And don't apologise, it's a horrendous experience but you'll find lots of support here as unfortunately so many of us have been through it.

The scan put me at 6wk+6d - I thought I was just over 7 but the sonographer measures the baby at 8.5mm which he said was 6wk+6d.

I am so scared x

butterfly86 Sun 03-Feb-13 13:13:19

So sorry you are going through this it's so sad and scary :-( I miscarried for the 3rd time at christmas and felt the same as you I didn't know what to expect as with the previous 2 miscarriages I had surgery. I was 6 weeks when it happened and in my case it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated it was like a heavy period I passed some small "tissuey" bits but not clots as such I had period type cramping but I took paracetamol to ease it, only once did I have strong cramps it came over like a wave I'm guessing like a weak labour pain but after that the cramps eased off and it was just "normal" bleeding after that. It's frightening when you don't know what to expect I was scared to go to the loo, everyone's experience is different but it's likely at this stage it will be like what I had, a heavy period. Just take it easy and I hope it's soon over for you x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sun 03-Feb-13 16:29:52

Im here, and in the same boat. Physically. it hasnt been bad. an evening of cramps, and lighter bleeding than I expected. Ive been using max absorbancy night tim pads and they are more than adequate.
Mentally, I feel like Ive been hit by a truck. Take your time, rest and let yourself be taken care of. xxx

Thank you so much for your replies A it helps so much xx

Saggy - I so sorry to hear you are going through it - I followed your thread when you discovered you were pregnant and you posted on my thread last week when I was worried.

I haven't had anymore brown stuff - it was a very small amount (about the size of the top of a screw) when I wiped. I just don't know what to think? I am scared to go to the toilet in case I find something horrible - I have a bit of lower backache but other than the emotional side of things feel fine. I am generally a control freak anyway so this time of unknown is driving me crazy hmm I feel in my heart of hearts it's not going to go our way though xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sun 03-Feb-13 19:18:26

Hang in there Mummy. x

TrudyW Sun 03-Feb-13 20:22:27

Hi there, very sorry for your loss. I understand your thoughts about the age gap, my son is 3 this month so when we found out we were expecting again I thought my age gap was all sorted, our baby would have been due at the end of April, we lost baby in October at 13weeks. Originally we wanted to wait a while for a baby after our son due to hard pregnancy and very difficult birth complications, very long story but I thought baby would have left me enough time to recover from my son and timing was great but obviously not meant to be. We have started to try again but with no success so far and I'm sad that my son will most likely be 4 by the time another baby may come along but on the other hand I think god as long as I get the chance to have another healthy baby does it matter how far apart they are? Some things u just don't plan, although I originally thought u could, I never thought this could happen to me and it has literally killed my husband and I but the pain is getting easier to manage, I just hope we do get that chance to have another baby and we don't have to wait too long. Have my fingers crossed that things do go your way, look after yourself :-)

fatasbutter Sun 03-Feb-13 20:32:58

Hi mummy I'm sorry you are going through this - it is awful and scary but don't panic - if you have a lot of bleeding or pain you can ring the EPU or A&E for advice and they may ask you to come if the bleeding is heavy - be kind to yourself and have lots of nice things like hot chocolate!

I am currently waiting for a week until a rescan after having a 'pregnancy of unknown location' and high hcg, progesterone and no signs of ectopic. The scan showed a sac about 2 weeks behind where I thought I was so its probably a blighted ovum, but of course you hear miracle tales of people going back and seeing a heartbeat etc - it's never goin to be the case for me though as the dates are too far out. I also had a mmc in march last year, so I'm feeling pretty pissed off and fed up with it all.

Like you trudy I have now had 2 periods of thinking my ds would have a close age gap with a potential sibling, but now i begin to wonder if he'll have a sibling at all sad

TrudyW Sun 03-Feb-13 21:37:00

It really is a shitty time for us all, I'm just holding onto the hope that one day we will get the chance to have another baby but I can't imagine ever having a calm, easy going pregnancy, I'll be constantly worried and anxious and don't think I'll be able to let myself be excited at all, how do u deal with that, seems such a cruel situation to be in, wishing us all lots of luck in the close future x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sun 03-Feb-13 21:49:52

Agree. I look a this pregnancy now and spot loads of indicators. I don't think I can do this again without worrying about every little thing the whole time. Part of me dreads doing this again, and the other part is desperate to try again!

TrudyW Sun 03-Feb-13 22:02:24

Me too, I'm so worried but I have always wanted a big family, 4 children I've always hoped for! So I feel I have to try again although I already know it won't be easy. My main feeling is to not get attached to the pregnancy then if I miscarry maybe it won't hurt as much but then am I likely to miscarry if I just put it to the back of my mind?? It's so confusing. I had no signs with mine, there was just no heartbeat at the scan, I was amazed! And still I didn't start to lose anything until after I had 2oral pills then 4internal pills, finally the baby then started to come away.

Thanks for the replies - I'm so sorry about your experiences hmm

Its so hard to come to terms with the fact that just a few days ago were so excited and thinking about the next few months and getting ready for the new arrival and then suddenly it's all taken away from you hmm

I still haven't had anymore bleeding or pain so not really sure what is going on xx

I have spoken to the early pregnancy unit and they are re-scanning me at 10:30am - I am so scared - I feel it's to confirm the worst but I am so scared about what happens after that - physically and emotionally - how do we move past this - when will we feel happy and normal again? hmm

janey1234 Mon 04-Feb-13 09:21:21

Good luck for half ten.

And you will feel happy and normal again, I promise. That's not to say you 'get over it'; of course you don't, and I will never forget the little soul that lived inside me for three months. But you do, eventually, go back to feeling normal. It took me a long time, if I'm honest. But I got there. I had some counselling through a work scheme which really helped me, and it was offered by my hospital too. If they offer it to you, it might be worth taking it up. It just helped for someone to say that yes, I was grieving, and that yes, I was allowed to be desperately sad about the death of someone who had never even been born.

I've seen some of you talking about how you'd feel if you were pregnant again. For me, I have relaxed a bit now I've passed the 12 week point (when things went wrong last time, and I'm 18 weeks now) and have other people on here saying that once they passed the point they miscarried the previous time they were able to relax more. That's not to say I don't worry now, of course I do, but I think I would do anyway. But you get through the worry and carry on. It's all you can do, really.

Thinking of you today x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 04-Feb-13 10:33:17

Holding your hand Mummy.

Thank you all so much - it means so much that you take the time to reply to me and helped so much when I was at my appointment as my DH couldn't come with me (I took my mum).

The situation is slightly different - she externally and internally scanned me and saw a pregnancy sac and yolk with a strong blood supply going to it - so she said it is feeding something - she put me a absolutely no more than 5.5 weeks and said what she can see is normal for a 5 week pregnancy. I have to carry on with everything I have been doing (folic acid etc) and get re-scanned in 2 weeks when we should see something.

She was seriously unimpressed with the private scan we had - she has kept all the info to show her colleague - I'm not sure whether to email them - if i had followed their advice i would have gone to hospital for medication or surgery but could be carrying an okay pregnancy. What do you guys think?

I am so emotionally drained - I am happy that she has confirmed nothing has died in me which is what I was really struggling with but the next 2 weeks seems like a lifetime away.

Thank you for being here for me this weekend - we would never have got through this weekend without you guys xxx

janey1234 Mon 04-Feb-13 14:19:54

Oh Mummy, that's great news. Have got absolutely everything crossed for you that all goes well over the next two weeks. x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 04-Feb-13 14:23:21

Oh Mummy I am praying that everything is ok for you. xxxx

Good to hear that things are as they should be, but I'm thinking you might want to let the private scan people know that theirs was wrong. They can't correct it if they don't know!

fatasbutter Mon 04-Feb-13 16:44:45

Fingers crossed for you mummy smile

TrudyW Mon 04-Feb-13 17:35:02

What amazing news, I do so hope that your little bean is still there, healthy and growing well, have my fingers crossed for u, keep us updated.
Also congratulations Janey on your pregnancy, gives me hope it'll be me again one day!
On another note, had a fab day today, lots of laughter that I haven't had for the past few months, my friend is getting married in June and we've just been casually re-creating the friends episode "The one with all the wedding dresses" what must the neighbours think haha
Good luck to everyone here x

Thanks ladies - I will keep you posted.


P.s - loving the re-creation of the wedding dress friends episode - must have been such fun! Xx

I was feeling quite positive today and only had a week to go until the re-scan but started bleeding tonight - not a good sign hmm

Calling the EPU in the morning but I not holding out much hope hmm

I am feeling sad and scared x

ImpatientOne Mon 11-Feb-13 20:32:22

Oh Mummy so sorry to hear that sad

Will be thinking positive thoughts for you x

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Mon 11-Feb-13 20:54:25

Sorry to hear that Mummy,whatever the outcome, be it good or bad, you are not alone. We are here to support you.

Thank you - I feel like I am really going to need it hmm

I am trying so hard to still maintain positive but feel like it is a no-go.

You guys have been amazing over the last week - I feel like I will be leaning on you guys over the next few days - hope that's okay hmm xx

Flipper924 Mon 11-Feb-13 21:49:02

I'm available for hand holding, too. I so wish you weren't going through this, the not knowing is agony. Will be thinking of you.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 11-Feb-13 21:50:10

Oh Mummy. sad Its not over yet, try and rest. We're all here. I have everything crossed for you sweetie. xx {{hug}}

Thank you ladies - your support is amazing. I have moments when I'm in tears and the next I'm almost forgetting it happening (if that makes sense).

I haven't got any cramping and the bleeding is just when I wipe - I'm expecting it to get worse.

I will let you know what the EPU say - I will call at exactly 9am.

Thank you again - it means so much that you take the time to reply to me xx

ImpatientOne Mon 11-Feb-13 22:11:01

Hope you can get some rest tonight x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 11-Feb-13 22:36:22

We help each other out. It's what MN does. xx
Try and sleep. x

Flipper924 Tue 12-Feb-13 08:23:42

EPU may be open at 8.30, if you can it might be easier to call before they start scanning. Otherwise the number they gave you should be answered 24hrs for advice. Sorry, I realise that I'm a bit late with this 'helpful' advice.

Hope you're ok this morning.

I called at 8am but had to leave a message - same as before. Just waiting for them to call back.

The bleeding is still there when I wipe, nothing on the pad - feel like its the start of something bad :-(

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Feb-13 09:38:26

It doesn't have to be bad. There are plenty of stories of people who bled right through and still had healthy babies. Don't give up hope yet. X

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 10:27:51

Have you called them back again, don't wait for them to call you, it may take ages.

They called back and said they wouldn't re-scan me today. They want to give it a chance to see growth at the next scan and said that the earliest they would re-scan me is Friday, so I have an appointment on Friday at 9am.

She was very honest and said that bleeding isn't a good sign and if it gets heavy or very painful then I should go to A&E. I am trying to remain positive - she said to rest so I am not at work today and not sure about tomorrow or Thursday (I only work p/t). I am trying to remain positive - there is not blood on my pad only when I wipe and I am trying to see that as a positive thing - is that deluded of me?

I hope this doesn't sound awful but when I am feeling really down about it I almost wish I had just got my period and had another month of it not working - I only found out I was pregnant a month ago and it has just been the most roller coaster month I have ever experienced - being so excited about being pregnant and then it being taken away from you almost feels crueler than getting my period and thinking 'oh another month of it not working'. I know I haven't had a loss confirmed yet - I'm just feeling sad hmm

Thanks for all your support - you guys are amazing xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Feb-13 14:43:36

I know EXACTLY what you mean. From day one of finding out I had stress and worry. I'd just managed to start getting excited and stop worrying when it was snatched away. How is that fair? sad
Well you still have hope. Dont let go of that. X

Bleeding seems to have picked up a bit - this seems so unfair (I know that sounds selfish). I am feeling really sad hmm

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 16:09:58

I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you have company and childcare for the rest of the week?
In terms of practicalities if you are miscarrying you may need some painkillers and some pads.
You WILL get through it and whatever happens, you WILL get over it. Believe me, I'm the voice of experience. X

My son is in nursery tomorrow and Thursday as I normally work. I don't know whether to go in or not tomorrow. I am getting the impression from my body that this is it hmm

Will I be able to fall pregnant again and if I do how will I ever feel that excitement of pregnancy that I had with my son?? Xx

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 16:43:13

Mummy there is no reason why you couldn't fall pregnant again and go on to have a lovely healthy baby.
Unfortunately you will probably never sail through a subsequent pregnancy in blissful ignorance. You will be more anxious next time.

I would suggest not going into work tomorrow. I've worked though miscarriages because I felt the pressure of my work demanded it. I look back with regret on that now. Take the time your body needs to rest.

Thank you - I really hope I can fall pregnant again. I know so many people go through this but I feel so angry that it has happened - I know that sounds selfish.

I don't think I will go into work tomorrow - emotional I feel so low and don't think I could put on a front all day hmm xx

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 18:45:59

I think you're making the right decision.
Go get yourself something that you fancy to eat like a big bar of choc and something that you'd like to watch. This helped me tremendously. I used to stick on a funny film while going through miscarriages, it always helped. Sounds wired I suppose but it lightened the experience for me.

Tell your DH and anyone else who is able to give you some support exactly what you think would help and what you'd like them to do. If necessary, go to your GP and get signed off work for a few days.

Thanks Accidental - your advice is so helpful. I have contacted work and told them i wont be in tomorrow and hubby has come home with some yummy biccs for me - he is amazing and won't let me do anything - he has done washing and cleaning, made DS pancakes and putting him to bed - then he is cooking dinner. He is being so great especially as its his loss too.

The bleeding is so on and off but the cramps are picking up - the whole thing is so up and down - I just don't know what to expect from this hmm

Thanks again - sorry if I am waffling x

Katnisscupcake Tue 12-Feb-13 19:36:15

So sorry that you are going through this.

I have had two mcs. With the first one it was the first month of ttc and I mcd at 5 weeks. But I got pg again 6 weeks later. You are more fertile for the weeks after an mc. Then I had dd.

Like your ds my ddi is 4 in June and I had another McQueen last July and now I'm desperately ttc again but no luck so far.

Please look after yourself. X

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 12-Feb-13 19:54:01

More hugs from me. I'm going through mc 2 (like katniss, I got pg straight after mc 1). I feel like I never want to go through this again, but hope I change my mind soon enough for us to have our much wanted and planned dc3.

Take care of yourself. I found having time to myself and keeping busy doing crafts etc helped first time round. After nearly two weeks off I felt ready to face the world again xx

ginmakesitallok Tue 12-Feb-13 20:01:35

Thinking of you, it's shit. I had 2 MCs between dd1 and dd2, both at about 8 weeks. Falling pregnant after second was scary. I was so sure I was going to mc again, but that pregnancy was really straightforward.

Be kind to yourself x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Feb-13 20:08:38

You sound exactly like me a fortnight ago Mummy. Please take time of work, I just hid for days. There is no way i could have worked. My one other piece of advice is to tell your nearest and dearest. My family and closest friends have really helped me through this. The ones who I feel most comfortable with have held my hand whilst I've cried, and the others have rallied round, got me moving and got me to socialise, and not put a brave face on, but just try a little harder to smile and talk.
Mr doctor told me to keep the pg quiet until 12 weeks, but telling people made it more real for me, and the support I have had has been phenomenal.

Thank you ladies - your help and advice means so much to me - its so sad that so many of us go through this.

My parents and in-laws have been really supportive and my close friends are amazing too - I feel very lucky to have them. I have had to tell my Line Manager and there is no pressure to come back on Thursday (I work Tuesday - Thursday) which is good. I thought going back tomorrow would help me distract from the situation but I think now I understand that I can't distract from it forever and have to accept things before I can move forward (hope that doesn't sound too corny). I don't think I could have put in a front for the whole day without it cracking at some point!

Thank you again - you guys are really helping me through this xxx

ImpatientOne Tue 12-Feb-13 22:27:52

Glad you've got some good RL support and that the pressure's off with work for a bit. Put yourself first for now x

Katnisscupcake Wed 13-Feb-13 09:42:44

Just checking in Mummy to see how you're doing.

With my last MC in July last year, it took some time for it all to be over. Had to have bloods taken about 7 times all in all over 2 weeks because the HCG would rise slightly, then fall again. They think mine might have been ectopic so that brings a whole new world of worry to next time, what we put ourselves through hey? smile But strangely I was relieved when it was all over because I could then think about moving on and trying again.

I took 2 weeks off of work, but I think because it took so long... Take as much time as you need.

There's plenty of online and RL support when you want it hun. Be good to yourself. x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Wed 13-Feb-13 10:52:48

Thinking of you Mummy. Holding your hand in my head and praying things go well for you. X

Thanks ladies, think it is all starting now - bright red blood and cramps all the time - I am scared about what is to come hmm I don't want to see anything that looks remotely like a sac / yolk - does that make me awful - I just don't look and flush the chain hmm

Think it's going to be a long day x

The clots are appearing now - this is horrible hmm x

janey1234 Wed 13-Feb-13 15:25:01

Hi Mummy

You poor, poor thing. I'm so sorry this is happening to you now sad

Very much thinking of you and holding your hand as you go through it.

IME I don't think you will notice anything you don't want to see without looking very carefully; at 12 weeks I just refused to look at anything, just couldn't face it, and managed to not accidentally see anything I didn't want to. I too just didn't look and flushed the chain.

It definitely doesn't make you awful, at all. It's a coping mechanism, and you have to do what you need to in order to get through this awful experience.

Here if you need to chat <hugs>

Thank you Janey - I am scared about how much worse its going to get. The clots are coming all the time now.

I'm on my own tomorrow and then Friday is the scan - I know that the scan will just confirm the loss which will be sad to hear but at least after that I will have a plan and me and DH can start moving forward.

Thank you again for all your support - I can't even explain to you guys how much you have helped me. I know I am probably repeating myself constantly but posting on here is helping me so much xxx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Wed 13-Feb-13 19:46:34

Thinking about you Mummy. x

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 13-Feb-13 20:10:13

I found the clots and cramps coming thick and fast led to the sac passing, and then after that the pain was gone. I hope you're not suffering too much pain for too long sad xx

Flipper924 Wed 13-Feb-13 22:04:28

Hope you're doing ok and are past the worst of it now. x

Oh my days I think the pain peaked last night (hoping it did anyway!) I have planted myself on the sofa for the day with a hot water bottle and paracetamol.

I guessing the that EPU will still scan me tomorrow to make sure everything has passed (if that makes sense). X

janey1234 Thu 14-Feb-13 10:49:36

It's surprisingly painful isn't it. Along with the emotion, is a horrible horrible experience sad

Def take it easy on the sofa all day, and for the next few days. I found it a lot more draining physically than I expected, actually...

Take care you x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 11:24:49

Yes. Look after yourself and take it easy. X

The pain has started again now and the bleeding is heavy - how long will the bleeding go on for? X

janey1234 Thu 14-Feb-13 17:16:36

Mine was about 24 hours of proper pain and ridiculously heavy bleeding, and then another 48 hours of normal period pain and heavy period type bleeding, then it lasted for about another 6 days after that.

But I was 12 weeks gone so maybe it won't drag on quite so much for you? Really hope it doesn't... sad

Thanks Janey - I just want it to stop - at the moment it's a constant reminder of the loss. I hope it has all come away naturally and there is no medical intervention needed - I want it over ASAP x

Katnisscupcake Thu 14-Feb-13 18:19:40

Hi hun,

As much as the heavy bleeding is awful, it means that it will be over quickly for you. I was only 5 weeks with my mc last year and it took nearly 3 weeks from beginning to end because i just had light bleeding the whole time which was awful. I know it sounds horrid but i just wanted it to be over so i could try again...

Hang in there hun. Dose yourself up and eat some of your favourite food. How is your dh coping with the emotions of it?


I think he is okay - he is being great round the house and looking after DS. He isn't the best at talking about his feelings but I have told him its important that he talks about his feelings to me or anyone else - I don't want him to bottle it up. He is coming to the scan tomorrow and think that will make it all seem more real and final (ish).

He has said that he wants to try again but said whenever I am ready - I don't know if this makes me awful but I want to start trying as soon as we can - it's not that I want to replace this pregnancy with another and forget this one existed but I think it will just help get closure - does that make sense at all? Xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 19:46:19

Nothing you think will make you sound awful! I'm the same. Had a total meltdown trying to build up courage to broach the subject of trying again. DP came up trumps again. We're at our most fertile after a MC apparently. Just go for it. X

Thanks Saggy - the thought of trying again is helping me through the worst moments - I won't ever forget this pregnancy and as the due date approaches I know it will be on my mind constantly - although my son is starting school around what would have been my due date so that will keep me occupied!! I am going to speak to the drs about trying again but everywhere I have read suggests that there is no reason not to try straight away - it gives me something to focus on and I always need that (I am such a control freak!!) xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 19:58:05

My doctor told me to just get on with it! grin
Last one on the Antenatal bus is a rotten egg! <<sprints shags>>

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 14-Feb-13 20:45:36

We tried again straight away and fell pregnant again straightaway and then I lost it. So not meaning to bring doom but if I was ever to be in this position again I'd definitely wait until next cycle. Sorry sad

As it happens I can't bring myself to want to try again (not for a long time) but everyone's different and there are plenty of success stories out there. Hugs to you, hope you're ok x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 20:51:41

I've read that there is no statistical evidence to show that falling pg straight away leads to an increased risk of mc.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 21:01:33
BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 14-Feb-13 21:10:53

Just sharing my experience (which is still very raw) sorry if I've offended sad

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 14-Feb-13 21:11:38

Ps I read that link before, more than once!

wizzler Thu 14-Feb-13 21:18:28

Thinking of you Mummytothearkbuilder... I had 3 mc and it is so hard. Just wanted to say, that I fell pg with DD straight away after having a mc , and although I was very apprehensive throughout, she is now a beautiful 6 yo

Take things at your own pace

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 22:49:00

I'm so sorry BlackHoles! My post wasn't worded very sensitively. We're all raw at the moment. {{hugs}} please don't be sad because of me.

fod27 Thu 14-Feb-13 23:24:07

Devastated Hi, I'm new to all this.. I've been reading threads for a while but never commented. We had been ttc for 6 months after the implant and were sooo overjoyed when we fell pregnant, however we went for our 12 week scan yesterday and were told that there was no heartbeat...we lost our baby at 8 weeks ;,( i feel as though I've had my heart ripped out. As I didn't bleed I'm waiting for the inevitable, I'm petrified of what's to come and whether we will be able to conceive again. It's left us questioning everything... I guess I'm just looking for light at the end of the tunnel.

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 15-Feb-13 07:10:48

fod I'm so sorry. Take time to grieve. Lots if hugs and handholding xx
saggy I'm sorry too. I know it helps to hold on to a glimmer of hope. Hugs back xx

janey1234 Fri 15-Feb-13 07:33:34

Fod - exactly the same happened to me. It's horrendous. There is light at the end of the tunnel though: you WILL get through this. And if you want to try again you can - I did and am 20 weeks pregnant now. So it happening once doesn't mean it will happen again.

I went through it naturally and I won't lie it's not nice. But you get throughout somehow. Be kind to yourself and take it easy - I ended up having over a week off work as it really took it out if me.

Tame care, lots of support here if you need it x

fod27 Fri 15-Feb-13 09:54:18

janey Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, that's exactly the sort of news I was hoping for, I have two children already and the pregnancies were problem free. I think that's why it hit me so hard, it was the furthest thing from our minds.

Congratulations to you!! I bet you can't wait to get your hands on him/her. I hope you don't mind me asking but how long after your tragic experience did you wait before ttc? I've been off work for a couple of days now but as I'm a teacher I get half term off too (small mercies)

Did you seek any counselling? Sorry for the interrogation, I'm a bit of a knowledge is power person

Congrats again

fod27 Fri 15-Feb-13 09:55:25

Blackholesandrevelations thank you x

I went for my scan and it hasn't all come away - they want to wait a week to see if I miscarry naturally if not I have to go back for an op to remove it.

It had grown since my last scan - last monday there was just a sac, yolk and blood supply and today we could see that it turned into a fetal pole but there was no heartbeat hmm I feel oddly proud that it gave itself a good shot - I feel like it fought hard (that sounds ridiculous doesn't it) she said that they would diagnose a missed miscarriage but as its better recovery wise to miscarrying completely naturally she wants me to wait - feels like its dragging on forever and I know the worst is still to come hmm

fod27 Fri 15-Feb-13 10:46:01

mummy I'm in exactly the same position, it's frightening! They advised me to do the same but I'm afraid of what it entails. I've been told all kinds but physiologically it's really hard too, my body still feels pregnant, I still have morning sickness and I keep stroking my bump....and then I remember part of me wants it to be over (for closure) I suppose but the other part doesn't want to let go sad

So sorry to hear that fod - the dragged out process feels awful and I an so scared of what is to come. I don't know wether to into work on Tuesday (I work Tuesday - Thursday) - I would hate for it to start at work!

I thought today we would have a plan in terms of medical intervention and after the pain I had this week I thought it had all passed. I asked the lady of there was any chance we would come back and see a heartbeat and she said no - it measured 6.1mm - so small but it meant so much xxx

fod27 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:43:45

I feel the same way, I've read a few threads where parents to be have requested a second look and there was a heartbeat, it's an awful thing to go through... One minute your excited and looking towards the future thinking of all the lovely things to buy for your lovely new baby and the next your ushered into a room whilst your world crumbles around you sad

I've been told its like labour pains and there's lots of blood xxx I really feel your pain, think it helps to just talk to someone who understands what your going through

It does help and the support on here is unbelievable - I wouldn't have got through the last week if it wasn't for these ladies xx

The lady I saw this morning said it was like a tap turning on (bleeding wise) and to make sure I had someone with me in case the pain gets too much hmm the advice and support from my local EPU has been great which has been reassuring.

The lady seemed certain the baby had died - it measured 6.1mm and she said that would normally see a heartbeat at that size - it looked like a little jelly bean on the screen.

I just want it all over so we can move forward and start feeling normal (ish) again xx

fod27 Fri 15-Feb-13 12:23:13

Yeah I must admit everyone has been lovely, I've never used one of these sites before but after searching the Internet for answers-which we obviously never got- I came across this, I have bouts of normality then I feel awash with guilt its all soo strange and painful.

We've made the decision to try again once we are over this, I think we need to know that it wasn't all for nothing and I think it helps us to have a focus.

My heart goes out to you it really does, I hope we both get through this xxxx

We are the same - once I'm over all the physical aspects of it and we feel emotionally ready we are trying again. I feel like it will give me something to focus on - I would love to be pregnant when my due date approaches but won't put any pressure on us - I have irregular cycles so I hope it won't take us too long. I'm not trying to replace this pregnancy but think it will help with closure.

We will get through this - keep posting anytime you need to chat xxx

fod27 Fri 15-Feb-13 12:46:09

Definitely, it's not a replacement...I know exactly what you mean, everywhere I look now there are pregnant women or nappy adverts....just seems to make it harder. I did do some research and apparently you are more fertile upto 6months after a I'll cross my fingers for us both

Sending baby dust your way when your ready xxxx

Oh my god - I think I have just passed it - literally just sat on the toilet and a golf ball sized clot just fell out of me - was not expecting that hmm

fod27 Fri 15-Feb-13 17:20:38

Omg!! That's scary! Hope your ok? Do you have someone with you? Xxx

Katnisscupcake Fri 15-Feb-13 17:53:19

Fod and mummy, I hope you are both ok. You will both get through this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It just isn't very bright yet, you will see it soon.

I have to believe this because af has just arrived for me again and I've been ttc since my mc last July with no joy. Bear in mind that we haven't tried every month so don't think that it won't happen quickly for you. After my first mc we tried again straight away. Didn't work the first month but did the month after and our nearly 4 year old was the result.

I'm thinking of you both. Xxx

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 15-Feb-13 19:09:59

Fod- snap, teacher with two children already too. I hope you enjoy your two this half term xx

Mummy- sounds like it. More hugs sad sad xx

forgossake Fri 15-Feb-13 19:28:46

Mummy I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
I rarely post, usually lurk, but I just need to tell you that I wish I could give you a huge hug.
There are always people here for you to talk to and offload on.
Thinking of you x sad

Thank you ladies - it has been an intense and very painful few hours where I have literally been in the bathroom the whole time. I am shocked at it - the size of the clots and the shear pain - I haven't experienced pain like it since having my DS. It all seems very surreal and happened so suddenly - it just came out of nowhere. I was at my in-laws and getting ready to go home and I just went to the loo and out came this golf ball clot so I had to stay there while it happened. I had hoped that I would be at home when it happened but it was actually okay as my in-laws are very sweet and looked after DS while DH looked after me (I dragged him to the bathroom with me!). I am still bleeding and getting some pain but I definitely think I am over the initial worst bit.

Thank you for all your support - I hadn't posted on here before this pregnancy and have to say you guys are amazing.

I am going to have a restful few days - I have honestly never looked so pale and ill in all my life. I am going to see if i can bring my scan forward (it's due for next Friday) to make sure it's a complete miscarriage but after this evening can't imagine there is much left in there - I am scared of the op or medication?

Does anyone know how long I should bleed for? Xxx

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 00:17:54

Blackholesandrevelations thanks I'm trying just emotionally drained atm, hope to get over it all soon tho as I want some kind of normality back in my life (hope that doesn't sound awful)

mummy my heart goes out to you, I'm feeling pretty scared now after reading your experience, I'm just glad that someone was with you

forgossake this is the first time I've been on here I just felt like I needed to speak to someone that's going through the same thing

Kat I'm really glad to hear that you successfully went onto conceive your four year old after mc that really gives me hope

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 00:21:07

Can I ask as my children were from a previous relationship and my mc was with my fiancé (current partner) is there any correlation? He's very concerned that he's to blame and worries that we may not conceive, he's doesn't have children.

I wanted put his mind at ease

Fod - so sorry I have scared you - I really really didn't mean to. I think I wrote that post in a bit of shock really!! I sort of knew what to expect from the lovely ladies on here and after the scan on the morning knew it could happen at anytime but when it did I was still completely floored. I literally couldn't leave the bathroom and that's what I can't get over - the force of it. I ended up setting up camp in there - I had - stock of heavy duty pads, über strong painkillers, magazine (didn't read it though), DH and a blanket / dressing gown (i am always cold).

Since it all finished (and for me it lasted about 4hrs) the bleeding is light in comparison and the pain so much easier to handle.

I hope that makes it slightly better - again I am so sorry for scaring you - I really didn't mean to - I just posted when it had literally just finished and like I said think I was in shock and just needed to vent / write it all down.


TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sat 16-Feb-13 07:34:02

Glad the worst is over mummy please speak to the GP to see if you need iron tablets.
fod we were told by the MC specialist that sperm problems account for about 3% of recurrent MCs, by recurrent I mean 3+. The vast majority of one off MCs are due to an unviable foetus. I think you and your fiancée can rest assured that its just be of those things, as terrible as it is to go through, it's no-ones fault.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 16-Feb-13 07:40:26

The pain for me was like labour pains and then when I passed the sac I was physically and emotionally drained but the pain had all but gone.

Re: new partner, my third and fourth pregnancies ended in mc but were with same partner as first two beautifully uneventful and successful ones. Not sure at this stage if partner is a factor or not. Probably/hopefully not.

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 08:39:27

Mummy, if you don't want to wait until Friday, go to your gp and have a blood test. Once your hcg level drops to around 20, they shouldn't need to scan you again as they would class you as no longer pregnant. That's what happened to me. Mine went up and down and then finally after nearly 2 weeks of not passing any significant clots, I did pass some heavier bleeding and the following day they took the bloods and they were down to 23 from 89. So it was over. If you've passed clots that you've described, I imagine your bloods will tell you what you need to know.

Fod, please don't think that it is anything to do with your new fiance and try and reassure him. Sad as it sounds apparently mcs are now at 1 in 3 pregnancies and that isn't counting those people not ttc who just think they are having late periods! It is just amamespeciallysage to your body that there was maybe something wrong with the baby or that your body isn't quite ready. In my case, because I got pg first month, I almost viewed it as a practice run... sad but that was my way of dealing with it.

Also, another sad fact is how many people you know would have gone through this, thatyout didn't know about. 2 of my 3 sisters have had them, one of them has had two, but both of them have since had healthy dcs. Since then nearly every friend that I have has had a mc. Unfortunately it's not unusual.

Both look after yourselves. Xxxxx

Thanks Kat - that sounds like a good idea and will bring some closure to it earlier than Friday.

I can't believe how shattered I am today - I am so naive, I thought i would be up this morning - but of shopping in town, clean the house - normal Saturday stuff but I haven't even been been able to get dressed - I did attempt it but thought I was going to faint hmm DH has put me in bed and taken DS to the farm. How long am I going to feel like this? Xx

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 12:55:06

With my first Mc which sounds similar to yours, I was ok in a couple of days after passing the clots. Maybe rest today and try the farm for an hour or so tomorrow. Just be prepared for emotion if you see pregnant women, I found that hard. X

Thanks Kat - my DS was getting cabin fever so a trip to the farm should tire him out! They have a lovely farm shop so hopefully DH will get something nice for dinner!

Just answered the door to the postman delivering some beautiful flowers from my friends at work - so nice of them xx

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 16-Feb-13 14:20:23

I'd lay low for a few days mummy. I had just over a week off work (first mc happened in Christmas holidays) and children were at normal childcare for most of it. I did jobs around my house to keep busy but needed that time just for myaelf. Don't expect too much of yourself. I too was upset when I first saw pregnant ladies, and walking through town I heard a newborn baby cry and it made me burst into tears! It's crazy and unexpected. Look after yourself and savour the you-time x

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 15:31:54

Ahhh how lovely of your friends to send you flowers. As blackholes said, look after yourself. Xxx

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 16:07:14

Thanks so much for your input, I really appreciate helps more than you could ever know, I'm hurting at the moment but a huge part of me wants to look to the future (as scary a prospect as that may be at the moment) Mummy don't feel bad you didn't scare me - its the unknown I'm finding frightening, just want it to be over with now. I hope you feel better soon -our thoughts are with you xxxxxx

Thanks ladies - I managed to have a bath and wash my hair - it took me about 3 hours but at least I look vaguely human - I'm ready for bed again now!! Hopefully I will be able to venture outside for a bit tomorrow - even if its just to my mums - from my sofa to hers!

Thinking of you fod - are you waiting until it happens naturally or do you have an appt to discuss other options at any point? They were going to give me a week before medical intervention xxx

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:59:17

They have given me until the 27th to let it happen naturally, I have to ring the EPU once it's happened or if it fails to do so. My fiancé wants us to see our GP to go through the options again...think that's more for his concerns than mine.

You enjoy your sofa time, relax, open the wine and chocs xxxx

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 19:24:45

Mummy, glad you're feeling a bit more human. It's amazing how welcoming a bath can be...

Fod, I really hope that it happens naturally for you. The main reason that I say that is that when I had the second mc last year, they said that if they had to give me the drugs to 'end' the pregnancy, they recommend that you don't try again for at least 3 months. Something to do with the medication being quite toxic, it's similar to what they use for chemo. I think the other option is that they remove it with surgery. They did that with my sister and she was pg again not long after.

It could be that this might have been because they thought mine was ectopic, but it's worth checking all of this out. I had no idea... I was more worried because I am 38 already, 39 in June and so I couldn't afford to wait 6 months...

I hope that you are both doing ok and I hope I haven't scared you but you need to make sure you get all the information.

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 19:35:37

Thanks all info is welcomed, it wasn't ectopic although now I know this if it doesn't happen naturally we may have to look into having the op... Have you started ttc? My aunt has just had her third at 41 and she's a beautiful and healthy little girl, hope that helps xxxx

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 20:06:12

Hi fod, been ttc since the mc last July and no luck. 3 friends have announced their pgs this year already and i'm having to avoid them, i'm so gutted...

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 20:49:10

Kat that must be awful for you...I've had to remove friends posts from my Facebook newsfeed as it seems they are all pregnant, I can't bear to see their scan pics and happy announcements etc (of course they are all over the moon and rightly so) I just can't be happy for then, I know that sounds selfish and bitter but its the truth

Have you been recording your cycles and using ov tests etc? Xx

I know how you ladies feel - one of my friends is due in a couple of weeks - I am so so happy for her but it still hurts hmm. She was one of the people who knew I was pregnant and we had been planning our maternity leave together hmm (we would have been off for a few months together)

We want to start trying straight away but I am so worried about my cycles - they are so irregular - I came of cerezette in June and must have conceived in December and in that time had 3 periods - one cycles was 65 days long - feel like it could take ages to conceive again hmm

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 22:21:14

We used ovulation testing kits, my cycles too were irregular after coming off the implant but the nurse said as long as I was having cycles I must be ovulating, we got through loads of kits but it made me feel more in control of what was going on. I came off in July and we conceived late nov, prior to the mc.

I recommend it, we plan to do it the same way next time. Did lots of research but I think you tend to (a bit obsessive maybe) but it helped me. We were told to try every other day half way through my cycle and on the day of ovulation a couple of times a day -something to do with fresh sperm, sorry to be graphic - she also recommended positions and what to do post copulation (mainly lying on your back with your legs in the air for twenty minutes- we Los had to cut out caffeine, alcohol, smoking, sugar etc and exercise regularly

But then again I have a sister that drinks and smokes like a trooper and she gets caught straight away!

Don't think there's any rule book but when you want it soooo badly your prepared to try anything xxxx

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 17-Feb-13 08:46:02

One of my friends got her positive test a few days before I did... We would have been pretty much at exactly the same stage. It'll be hard seeing her as she progresses BUT I fully hope to be pg again before she gives birth. We are waiting for a few months just so I can get myself back on an even keel, but will try again. I have cut out caffeine and rarely drink these days, but eat loads of sweets! How does sugar affect ttc?

Good luck ladies xx

How are you feeling today mummy?

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 17-Feb-13 08:46:53

And fod? Xx

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 11:18:15

A bit better but then I remember what's to come, I have a twinge and think 'this is it' then nothing ;( it's like I'm stuck in some weird time zone - cant move forward and can't look back.

I'm not quite sure I found it on the net, I searched for help with conception and there were 7 tips. It may all be hocus pocus ( I've friends that eat like there's no tomorrow and they conceived quite easily) but there's a risk of preeclampsia too with weight gain so I suppose its just a matter of being healthy.

I recommend you check it out though.... Just made me feel more in control of things, think that's a some kind of coping mechanism. I'd love to be pg around what would of been my due date, think it will make it emotionally easier to handle.
Hope your all ok my thoughts are with you xxxx

Hi ladies hope you are okay today. I just feeling so shattered still - I feel like I will never physically feel normal again (I know that sounds so dramatic!!). I seems to be bleeding more today - joy!!

I was on a health kick before all this in a bid to help is conceive so I am going to go back on that once all this is over - at the moment I am consuming far too much chocolate / cake but its medicinal!! I am doing the couch to 5k and on a calorie controlled diet - it all helps me maintain control and feel like I'm doing the best I can to help us conceive. I am not trying to put pressure on but would love to be pregnant when I would have been due - I think it will help me cope with the emotions I will be feeling when the due date approaches - my son is starting school when I would have been due so that will be a distraction too.

Hope you all have a nice Sunday - I am attempting to go out - hoping some fresh air will help and it would be nice to actually get dressed rather than spend all my time in PJs!! Xxxx

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 14:48:28

mummy we could be the same person! We have decided to venture out too, taking the kids to a farm hopefully that too will be a distraction. Let's hope we are all pregnant around what should have been our due dates think it will defo help with the emotional side of things. I may be putting the pressure but to be fair that's how it happened last time too xxx

We went out - garden centre for a coffee with mum and then popped to in-laws - really nothing too energetic but it has completely wiped me - I feel like I have overdone it and the bleeding and pain seems to have increased today hmm

I am feeling really frustrated in all honesty - I am a get up and go person and like to just get on with things and at the moment I am not able to and that is making things worse. If I was able to just get back to normal at least I would feel like I am moving forward but at the moment I feel stuck hmm

Sorry for the whinge ladies - I am feeling a bit low this afternoon - I will snap out of it - onwards and upwards!! Xxx

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 17:09:53

We went to a jungle bungle type place (ball pools etc) everytime the door opened a woman walked in with a about soul destroying, ended up moving seats so that we were further away from the entrance.
You have every right to feel this way, it's all part and parcel of it.... Plus it's still so fresh! Personally I think we are both doing well trying to venture out all things considered

Hope you feel better soon xxxxx

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 18:03:08

Help I'm at the inlaws and been to the loo, wiped myself and found a bloody discharge on the paper....nothing on the pad tho, is this how it starts?

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 17-Feb-13 18:48:28

Yes fod that's how both of mine started. Best get home asap. Thinking of you xxxx

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 20:24:55

Thanks, just awaiting the inevitable ;(

Hi fod

Hope you are okay - that is how mine started but it took a while to get going. It really kicked off when I passed the first clot - then there was literally no coming out the bathroom.

Thinking of you lovely - get some painkillers near you and a hot water bottle.

Lots of hugs xxxx

P.s - Mine also started at the in-laws!! X

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 22:56:51

That's freaky - theres so much to blame the inlaws for - just kiddin - hope it starts soon want this state of limbo to be over ;( I've heard about the hot water bottle thing too.... I'll defo be sorting all of the above out

Thanks for the info will keep you posted xxxx

Hi fod - how are things this morning? Hope you are okay.

I have dropped DS at pre-school and on my own for the first time since it happened. I am feeling quite low today hmm the bleeding and pain seem to be worse today (no idea why) and I am just getting fed up. I want to pick myself up and start moving forward by physically I just can't and then every time I see the blood it's just a reminder - I was it all over with hmm

I am sorry I am moaning - I feel like all I am doing at the moment is whinging and moaning to people - I have tried putting on a front but that is exhausting - I am getting worried about going back to work too xxxx

fod27 Mon 18-Feb-13 11:10:28

I'm fed up too huni, I went to bed in agony and nothing's happened, no more bleeding or cramps.... It's weird part of me wants it do e with and the other part is scared.
It's too soon yet for anyone to expect you to be back to normal ( it's going to take longer than a few days) plus your still very much going through the physical aspects of this.

On the other hand bring alone does give the chance to have a good cry without little seeing - that's that not I find hardest

Bless you fod - hope you are not in too much pain. I know exactly what you mean about wanting it over but being scared - it's exactly how I felt on Friday when I knew there was no heartbeat - mine happened a few hours after the scan but it came after not knowing what was happening for 2 weeks. Once it started I had a strange sense of calm (although i found the whole thing shocking) - it was like I finally knew what was happening - no more limbo.

I have contacted the private scan people and asked for my money back and they were not pleasant - I have to make a formal complaint if I want my money back - I didn't tell her I had lost the baby as its irrelevant - when we went to them they said the baby was dead when it actually carried on growing for 10 days - the nhs scans show the growth. My DH wants to pursue the complaint but I don't know if I want to relive all the details of the past 2 weeks - what do you guys think? X

fod27 Mon 18-Feb-13 13:31:21

I felt that way after a visit to my GP, I had rectal bleeding and was. Dry concerned, I couldn't get hold of my midwife after phoning her 15 times! I then tried my drs and no joy there either in the end I phoned the medical care team who told me to contact NHS direct. They told me to get myself to my lo al walk in centre in the next two hours. At this point I was in a right state and at work, I had to get my classes covered, get home and get up there with my fiancé. After all that and a lengthy wait they told me they weren't qualified to carry out an examination and that they would get me an emergency appointment with my GP.

After she had examined me she started asking questions about the baby "did it take you long to conceive? How far along should you be?" I asked her if this meant there was something wrong with the baby- she told me that it wasn't as it was different parts of the anatomy.

When I got home I get replaying it in my head and I was convinced she knew something was wrong (this was on the Monday) I found out on the Wednesday that my baby had died. I'm convinced she knew but wanted the sonographer to tell me (passing the buck) I was livid!

I think your DH wants to feel proactive, and it helps to place blame. Good luck with whatever decision you make xxx

Thanks hun - how are you feeling now? Has there been any change this afternoon?

My midwife called me this afternoon and was so lovely - she thinks I should wait until after my scan (to make sure there is nothing left) before going back to work but I'm not sure what to do - I am shattered and anytime I get up to so anything I'm floored - I got up to put the Tesco delivery away earlier and couldn't believe how rough I felt afterwards - how ridiculous is that!! I am worried people think I'm milking it for time off - I'm sure they don't really I just always worry about what other people think xx

fod27 Mon 18-Feb-13 18:31:38

No change for me ;( felt really light headed and nauseous earlier and I'm pretty sure I've a lovely cold coming too....great stuff.

I too feel that way about work, I wanted to go back the following day but my boss told me to take time off plus the fiancé threatened to hide my car keys if I did. Think your body is going through so much right now and don't think that goin back to work to quickly will help in fact it will probably have a really negative impact. Hoot you feel better soon cxxxx

I don't think i will be back at work this week - I got up this morning feeling better but did some small things round the house and then was in pain and passed a medium sized clot - I really don't want that happening at work - we don't have the nicest loos at work and would rather be in the comfort of my own home!

How are you feeing today fod? Has there been any change for you - the waiting must be awful - that's one of the things I found hardest.

I'm going to try and compile the email to the private scan company today - I talked it through with my friend last night and she thinks we should complain - ultimately they told me my baby had died when in fact it continue to grow and live - that's quite a misdiagnoses!


fod27 Tue 19-Feb-13 19:54:01

Absolutely mummy it's driving me insane, I've just ventured out to nip asda...and I'm dreading walking past the baby clothes, think it'll be a run in and out jobby...I'd hate it if it happened it the middle if asda cxx

Think your better off at home as then you don't have to our a face on anything if things worsen zxx thinkin of you xxx

Bless you fod - it so hard hmm I remember wanting to just get it done but on the other hand I didn't want to let go of it.

I have emailed work and told them I will be back next week - they were fine but I have to get a doctors note - I'm sure it won't be a problem though - I touched based with the drs yesterday and they seemed to think it was best to stay off.

I have written an email to the scan company - I'm hoping they come back to me tomorrow - even if it is to just acknowledge my complaint.

I have really ventured out too much since it happened - only the garden centre on Sunday. I think it is becoming a bit of an obstacle for me - I am so worried about seeing pregnant woman and just getting overly upset. I think I will pop to Tesco tomorrow - start off small and work up to going into town at the weekend.

I never thought it would all be so hard hmm trying to be positive though - we will get there smile

Thinking of you and hope the waiting isn't too unbearable. I have to say it has helped me so much chatting on here x

KatieBurgum86 Tue 19-Feb-13 20:34:40

Hi ladies I'm new to this, just wanted to tell you about what's happened to me and hopefully get some advise?? Had ectopic preg removed via lap 4 weeks ago.. Horrible time we conceived with chlomid after years of trying with pcos. My hcg levels fell from 1200-700-120-70-40-23... The doc asked me to come back after 2 weeks to confirm its at zero which I did.. The hcg had risen to 27 and a week later again up to 40... The nurse initially told me she thought this is a new pregnancy then that its prob not just tissue left behind.. They going to test me again n 3 days.. Is it possible I'm pregnant or caught a week after my op? And if so wouldn't the levels have gone far higher than just an increase of 13?? I'm really scared at the thought of having the methox injection if I may be pregnant?? Anyone had anything similar?? I'm going out of my mind... xx

fod27 Tue 19-Feb-13 21:05:31

I feel exactly the same way, I can talk to family but I worry that they may get sick of hearing it (or think I'm milking it) I'm sure they wouldn't but it's all I think and talk about. As soon as I walked into asda there was a woman with a newborn ;( it floored me.

We watched the news this afternoon and there was a story about two toddlers being killed -one accidental - the other was drug related, I was soo angry! Just kept thinkin how we would all love to have our precious children and would do anything for another and then I hear stories about appalling parents and I just get so mad at the injustice of it all.

I'm glad to hear your taking some time, definitely build up to venturing out, remember you have the emotional side of things to deal with and that will take a lot longer to overcome, noone will think any kestrels of you for it.

I'm so pleased I found this site, it's good to talk about it and share our experiences especially from a women's point of view. The fiancé tries his very best to understand and he's been fab but you guys have been and still are there. Plus everyone is so supportive.

katie I wish I had some answers for you but I've no experience with ectopic pregnancies although a increase in hcg would suggest a pregnancy (fingers crossed) hopefully there's someone in here with more info for you xxx hope it all works out x

Wow Katie what a situation to be in - I have no experience of ectopic pregnancy either but there are so many knowledge people on here that I am sure someone will have some answers for you.

Did the doctor talk to you about whether you have a high chance of conceiving following an ectopic? When I spoke to the dr and midwife this week they said that you are more fertile following a miscarriage and can try as soon as you are ready - did the give you any advice following your op? What is the next step - are they re-doing your bloods?

Thanks fod - I'm not sure if the emotional side has hit yet or whether I have cried so much over the last 2 weeks that I have nothing left - I am almost waiting for this huge emotional wave to hit me. I know what you mean about feeling like you are going on about it in RL - my friends are texting me daily to see how I am (which is lovely) but feel like they are going to get fed up with me saying the same thing hmm one of my friends asked me what it was like to have the miscarriage - she said as she didn't know and hasn't experienced it she wanted to try and understand - I told her honestly all the details (and i mean all of them) and she was shocked - I think it's hard for people to understand if they haven't experienced it xxx

fod27 Wed 20-Feb-13 00:45:11

Your so right, I think people just hear the word miscarriage and assume its instantaneous. They don't realise how prolonged the physical and emotional elements are.

I too heard that your more fertile in the next six months after a mc....which at least is a silver lining, hoping to ttc asap (after my body finally kicks in) and the fertility theory gives me more hope.
My friends have had the same reaction when I've explained the ins and outs, their support has been great but you do feel like a broken record, I know it's hard for them (not knowing what to say, I mean "are you ok?" and "how are you feeling" are ridiculous questions but I would be exactly the same in their position) I actually told friends that I didn't expect much contact or a sympathetic ear as I know that if the roles were reversed I'd struggle to find the words

However it's almost as if people expect you to be more ''together' by now, like your getting over the flu or something. That's my perception anyway. There is nothing I'd like more than to be back to myself but it's drained me, I don't want to get out of bed, then when I do I feel like crap....prob because of too much sleep, once I'm up I don't see the point in getting ready? Doing my hair etc. I'm still in maternity clothes do I feel like crap -that along with everything else - and when I do eventually leave the house it's like I'm playing some version of my prior self to make other people feel at ease, what a ridiculous existence xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Wed 20-Feb-13 01:05:34

Im a bit ahead of you guys, but for me it has got better. Ive had several meltdowns, I still have knackered days, but the fog is lifting. It helped when I managed to speak to DP about trying again, I was terrified he would say no, but he agreed. Now my bleeding has stopped and I have hope for the future, I feel like Ive got a little closure on this very unhappy few weeks. I dont want to say that I hope you guys feel better soon, but I hope you start to feel lighter soon. I think what people say about bereavement is true. You wont forget, but it will get easier.
Ive said this on several threads now, but when my friends and family say daft stuff, I take comfort in the knowledge that the people I care for dont know how I feel because they havent been through this shit and thats a good thing.
Hang in there girls. {{hug}}

You sound just like me fod - I haven't washed my hair for 3 days (I know that sounds gross!!). Normally I am never like this - I am a hair and make up kind of girl and never slob about in my pjs yet that's all I have done the last few days. Yesterday I opened the door to the postman with my pjs on, no make up and bed hair - I would NEVER do that normally and I honestly didn't care.

Today I am going to Hoover downstairs and wash my hair - small steps! I have to get a sick note from my doctors so I guess I will have to venture outside at some point!!

How are you feeling fod - is there any change? Xx

fod27 Wed 20-Feb-13 11:57:36

Same here! High maintenance is my finances nickname for me (usually) a lady knocked on the door at 11 yesterday - I was still in bed- my daughter answered and told her I was sleeping, I felt mortified (I'm usually up at 6!

Still no change I had back pain again last night and then nothing again, it's driving me mad, in all my wisdom I decided to watch 'One born every minute' which lead to me searching online for cases of misdiagnosed missed miscarriages.....what am I doing?

I love one born every minute and was looking forward to watching this series knowing I would be having a little one soon - I have now deleted this off my series planner - cant face watching it hmm

It is so hard not to think that maybe they have made a mistake with the diagnosis - my DH maintained a positive attitude right up until the miscarriage started - he said if there was a tiny chance he was holding onto it. He is now being super positive about trying again smile

Have you got long before your next appointment? Are they scanning you? Xx

fod27 Wed 20-Feb-13 13:19:11

The only thing I have been told is that if I don't mc by the 27th I need to ring them to discuss my options, they have clearly written me off, we watched it for the same reasons.

My fiancé is too staying upbeat about ttc again, but he thinks I'm clinging to false hope about a mmc ;(

Bless you - it's hard to give up hope isn't it. I was expecting the miscarriage all last week and when it didn't happen i did think maybe there was a chance - once i knew there was no heartbeat and it wasn't viable it only took a couple of hours and it all happened - I feel like my body wouldn't let go until I knew for sure.

I'm sure they will re-scan you - the dr told me it is the only way to get a clear picture x

fod27 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:09:46

I hope so I'm crossing everything but I'm glad we have made the decision to try again if all hope is lost, I think I'm just holding onto anything atm. Suppose its just my way of coping

Anyway of coping is good - if anything helps then do that, so if holding into hope that other people might not have helps you then that's what you should do.

I am going to get out of my pjs today ( first time since Monday!) and I am staying at my mums tonight - she lives near the hospital and my husband is out tonight so might as well go there - it forces me to get out of the house too.

The bleeding seems to have suddenly stopped today which I am pleased about - tomorrow I have the scan to confirm it has all passed and I feel like those things together can draw a line under the whole thing and we can start to move forward.

Hope you are doing okay today fod x

fod27 Thu 21-Feb-13 16:29:10

Had some twinges (again) seems like that's all my body is capable of, but still no bleeding. I took the eldest out earlier to a park/ lake, it was good to get out but it's sooo cold your really not missing anything. You will be well looked after at your mums, it's the thing they do best. Expect a fab home cooked meal and lots of comforting conversation. There's no one like your mum to help you through times like this.

Think we all need to find faith in something especially when we are at our lowest ebb, it's like I lifeline thrown to you as you sink deeper and deeper into emotional quicksand. Reaching out and holding on will help us survive this.

I'm glad to hear the bleeding has stopped at least you can start to feel more human again, plus once you have had the all clear at your scan it's just a matter of one cycle and the ttc can begin!!! You must keep us updated with it all I think it would be brilliant if we all were to have our happily ever afters, plus it will give other women that have to go through the hell we have hope xxxx

Lafaminute Thu 21-Feb-13 16:44:53

Hi Mummy, I am so sorry you are going through this. I was where you are 6 years ago. The bleeding lasted 5 weeks but I had haemorraging after both my full term pregnancies so may have a tendancy to that. My first pregnancy had been touch and go like my mc but ended in a baby - who was four when I had the mc and I fretted about a big age gap too. I had had treatment to get pregnant the second time and was devastated when it ended in mc thinking that'd be my only chance. I had further treatment but didn't get pg again. Then I really DIDN'T want to get pregnant for the first time as I was going on holidays and I did!! I thought I would never be able to relax about a pregnancy again and it certainly was hard - I didn't relax for 9 months but in fact that pregnancy was the least complicated of all three. there are almost 7 years between my children and it doesn't matter: they fight and play as much as siblings I know who are closer in age. Someone told me when I had my mc and was heartbroken that the pain will ease once you pass your baby's due date - and it did. Not immediately or magically but gradually it did. I used to hold onto the fact that after you have a baby you are more fertile and so I applied the same optimism after the mc. Good luck to you.

Thanks ladies - I'm at my mums relaxing after an ace meal and her putting my DS to bed - love coming home!!

I have had a little bleeding this evening but feel like it is the tail end now - just the scan to go!!

We want to start trying again ASAP - I have read that you have to wait for one cycle but mine can be between 45-60 days so it could be ages before we can start trying - do you have to wait for a cycle or can you just get on with it??

Thanks for sharing your experience lafa - it really helps to hear people coming out the other side of this with a happy story smile xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 21-Feb-13 21:12:40

My doctor told me to just get on with it. It might not make any difference to when it happens but at least it'll give me something to do!

fod27 Fri 22-Feb-13 00:21:06

I think it's something to do with dating the pregnancy and that they like to know you have had a cycle for health reasons....not sure tho... Definitely invest in some ovulation kits, I was using them daily throughout my cycle (that's very ott tho) but they also say try having intercourse every two to three days ( that's not always practical tho ) I also read that there is a cough mixture that helps conception apparently the guaifenesin breaks down mucus in the body so it helps to thin Your cervical fluid and helps the sperm to travel, I took it whilst ovulating.

How brilliant would it be if we were all to be back here with BFPs and healthy scans!!! Ooooo excited now!

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 22-Feb-13 07:56:15

Good luck for your scan, mummy. Hope it's straightforward x

Thanks ladies - waiting for my scan - they are running late and there are pregnant woman everywhere hmm

I really hope it is clear and I can just draw a line under it all - I will let you know xx

Fod - it would be amazing if we were back on here with our BFP soon!

Thanks ladies - waiting for my scan - they are running late and there are pregnant woman everywhere hmm

I really hope it is clear and I can just draw a line under it all - I will let you know xx

Fod - it would be amazing if we were back on here with our BFP soon!

Oops - posted my last message twice!!

The scan showed my womb is clear - no sign of pregnancy at all. It was really sad to hear (obviously I knew that was the case) but positive that I need no further medical treatment. The lady was lovely and answered all my questions - she said as I have long cycles I can start trying straight away and that I am at no higher risk of miscarriage as anyone else which was nice to hear as I have been worried. She said when I fall pregnant next time to talk to the midwife as soon as I find out and that they will scan me early for reassurance. She said taking a baby aspirin might help too.

I am relieved that physically it seems to be coming to an end and we have some closure but I am also feeling really emotional - I think it's because it's all over - I feel like I need a big cry and a good nights sleep then I will be ready to think positively and move forward.


Just had an email to say the scan company are refunding my money. Feel like we have complete closure now.

Now to get back to work / normal and focus in ttc again - fingers crossed it works - that bring its own set of worries though!!

Fod how are you today - any change x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Fri 22-Feb-13 23:34:30

Can I just ask, what is the deal with baby aspirin? Is that baby dose aspirin, and what is it meant to do?

In all honesty I'm not 100% sure and when the time comes I will discuss it with the midwife before taking it. The lady who scanned me said it might help but if it doesn't then it won't harm. My friend who is due in a couple of weeks has been taking it throughout her pregnancy by instruction of her midwife and she hasn't had any previously miscarriages so not sure what the rules are??

I would google it but I have googled so much over the last couple of weeks and had so many different results I don't really trust Dr Google!!


SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sat 23-Feb-13 09:33:23

That's ok. I will google myself. smile good to see you over on the TTC thread. Onwards and upwards. X

Thanks saggy - my friends and family are amazing but it really helps to talk to you guys and hear BFP stories of people who have come through the other side xxx

Let me know what you find about baby aspirin - I'm intrigued smile xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sat 23-Feb-13 10:54:16

here for an article about baby aspirin.
I know what you mean about MN. I told lots of people out here about the baby, and after the MC everyone has been great. The support has been amazing. But it's hard to talk about your deepest darkest emotions and fears to someone's face, a even if they have MC themselves. It's the facelessness of people here, and the typing not speaking which helps to say things you wouldn't in real life.
It's helped me loads.

fod27 Sat 23-Feb-13 11:32:35

Totally agree about the BFPs! Being on here has been a real support, my friends talk but then they just move onto the next topic ....I can't do that I'm still very much stuck on the same topic, still nothing this end for me ;( I spoke to a colleague yesterday that went through exactly the same thing, they sent her home to let it happen naturally and nothing.

They had her back in the EPU and rescanned her....the baby was fine! Can you believe it? She went onto have her daughter who is now 15...god I wish that was possible ( clinging to false hope again) I feel like as long as nothing's happening I just can't move forward

I go back to work on Monday and I'm worried it may happen there, my poor students!
Mummy I'm glad they are reimbursing you, bet that's taken a load off and I'm happy to see that your scan is clear and you can start finding done kind of closure xxxx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sat 23-Feb-13 12:13:22

I was in a really good mood today, but a really sweet person who I think the world of has just told me his GF is expecting! It's knocked me for six! I'm so pleased for him, but everywhere I turn there are babies. I'm trapped in a market stall and can't get away from them! sad it doesn't help that I took my weekly POAS a while ago on a loo break. It's still showing positive. I'm so fed up of this!

Sorry to hear that saggy - they said I didn't need to do that as my womb is clear but I'm not sure whether to anyway - just so I know the hormone is all gone and I'm ready to start again.

I know what you mean about pregnant woman vein everywhere - I'm off into town in a bit and just know its all I will see - I dreamt about being pregnant last night and felt empty when I woke up this morning. I know I need to move past it but its still very much on my mind.

Sorry there is no change fod - is your scan on Tuesday - are they certain that you won't have a happy outcome when you are re-scanned - my DH didn't give up hope until it all started last Friday so if it helps you to hold onto hope then do so, I know it helped my hubby.

Hope the rest of your day is okay for you both - thinking of you xx

fod27 Sat 23-Feb-13 20:19:52

I have to phone them on the 27th to tell them that there is no change, they haven't said anything positive about it tbh....hope is all I have at the minute ;( I know what you mean about pregnant women, I went in Tesco with my daughter and the girl behind the counter was telling her friend how she's 4 months along and I wanted to jump over the counter and poke her in the eye...I was sooo angry

Hope you ladies are all doing okay this morning. I am feeling really grumpy today - I know that's sounds really mean but I am suddenly really cross about the whole thing - I really want to move on from all this but his morning just feel really cross that we are back to square one - it doesn't seem fair (I know how childish that sounds!).

I have to go and face Tesco today - out house has nothing in! Oh the joy of seeing pregnant woman!!

Hope you all have a lovely relaxing Sunday xx

Ps - sorry for the typos - I'm typing on my phone and have chunky fingers!! X

fod27 Mon 25-Feb-13 00:15:15

I've been the same...I fell out with my mum slated my brother and snapped at my partner, all day I've been pissed off. Glad I'm not alone, the more people are happy around me the more I want to poke them in the eye with a very sharp fork!

fod27 Mon 25-Feb-13 14:13:50

Think it's starting ;( Ive been wearing pads all week just in case and this morning I woke up to find brown blood on the pad, after going to the loo there was brown and red blood....what should I expect to happen next?

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Mon 25-Feb-13 14:24:53

Fod27 you will probably continue to bleed for a while. It's different for everyone. Some women will bleed a little bit for a while and others will bleed heavily for a short time and it will taper off.
In terms of pain, it can feel periody and crampy.
Although it feels scary, you will be OK and you will cope. X

Oh fod bless you - once I passed my first clot it all happened quite quickly - before that it was like a period then the clot happened and I had 2-3 hours of heavy bleeding ( camped in the bathroom) and then once that finished it was like having a period. The pain was bad for me but then I am a wuss - I took co-codamol.

Hope it isn't too bad for you - thinking of you xxx

fod27 Tue 26-Feb-13 00:26:28

Thanks guys. still bleeding but it's period like loss... Nothing extreme yet, been very emotional too...think that's because I'd clung to hope for so long that now it's finally happening I'm gutted all over again x

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 26-Feb-13 08:06:23

It's understandable to feel very emotional. It's just a terrible thing to go through and it's the loss of hope with a sad ending.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 26-Feb-13 14:45:55

Oh fod sad hugs to you. Hope it's not too painful. Do allow yourself to grieve, and cry and shout and whatever you need to do. I'm so sorry youre going through it xxx

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 26-Feb-13 14:50:01

Actually a friend of mine asked how I was earlier, and I feel like it might be hitting me now a bit, when I was absolutely fine. Think it's because I'm back to work tomorrow after an amazing half term with my kids. Don't want to go back. It feels like the old feelings are flooding back sad

fod27 Tue 26-Feb-13 15:10:50

Think that's exactly what it is...loosing hope and it all becoming very real, I've cried and become so angry. I don't want to return to work either, simply because I'll have to face everyone and all their questions plus my students have been asking after me (which is lovely) apart from the fact that one of them will be due the same time I was....I hope I don't treat her any different from her peers...that's going to be really hard. I just hope we all get through this my heart goes out to you all cxxx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 26-Feb-13 15:29:30

Fod, I think these emotions are pretty par for the course. Ive been through the 5 stages of grief, done them all, still doing them, but its been a few weeks, and a new hope is starting to replace the lost hope. My emotions are pretty roller coaster ish, today definitely isnt a great day, but the clouds are lifting a bit. Without wanting to sound gushy, remember Pandora's box. There is always hope. Theres another cycle and another, all with a little spark of hope.
Chin up Hun. {{hug}}

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 26-Feb-13 15:31:30

crikey! Sorry to be so twee! blush
Also, I agree with BlackHoles. Let it out. I kicked hell out of a tree last week! It does help!

Oh fod - bless you - it is so hard isn't it. I have had my first day back today and everyone has been lovely but all asking why I was off (I work with some nosy people!) in the end I just said it and they were quite taken back but it shut them up!

It really is a roller coaster - I am now feeling really angry about the whole thing and generally cross - I know I am snapping at DH which i am trying not to do as he has been so lovely - just wish we weren't back to square one hmm

Have you spoken to your doctor or EPU - were you due your re-scan today?

Lots of hugs xxxxx

Morning ladies, Fod - how are you doing? Hope you are okay xxx

fod27 Wed 27-Feb-13 13:30:38

Had my rescan and baby was still there, the sack had started to collapse and they reckon that's what the bleeding was, she said I could give it another week and have the op next week.....don't think I can mentally take anymore tho.

I asked if it could affect my chances of concievebly and she said it wouldn't although she cant guarantee I wouldn't mc again but she did stress that she didn't think it was likely (I'm sure you have all heard that before). I'm booked in tomorrow morning for the op...just hope this brings about some closure and we can look to the future. I know what you mean about feelings of anger! As we left the EPU there were women 7 and 6 months pregnant pulling up on the car park or walking in...I just scowled at them and my partner called them bitches (under his breath) think he's just as angry especially his remark "he doesn't look like he's got a spunk in him"

Hi fod - hope you are okay Hun - sorry the scan confirmed your fears. I really hope the d and c goes okay tomorrow - are you just in for the day? I am trying to be less angry today and not snap so much at DH but I just feel so frustrated!

I will be thinking of you tomorrow - make sure you take plenty of time to recover and be kind to yourself - get loads of yummy things to eat for when you feel like eating.

Big hugs xxxxx

fod27 Wed 27-Feb-13 19:15:26

They think I should be out by 12, been researching all sorts and now I'm dead scared....apparently they can either do a vacuum aspiration or a d and c which are totally different but the d and c has been linked to ashermans syndrome, making myself ill looking into it sad

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Wed 27-Feb-13 19:16:06

Good luck Fod. I think that was a good decision, it's a simple procedure. I'm sure you will be relieved that its all over. It's normal to feel sad too about the pregnancy really being over after the surgery, hard to explain but that's how I felt each time.
You may be really tired for a while afterwards. It can take a couple of weeks to feel anything like back to normal physically. Make sure your DH or someone else is around to look after you for the next couple of days.

fod27 Wed 27-Feb-13 23:54:49

He's been a godsend he really has, glad I will be out of no mans land but so scared about ttc again (I really really want to) but i am terrified it will happen all over again

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