Hello everyone. Had my first miscarriage on Friday/Saturday at 12 weeks. I don't really want to go into details but most of it happened in A&E, then I was admitted to the Gynae ward until yesterday afternoon.
When I woke up this morning I just feel weak and tired from my shoulders to my knees
I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you have a good support network at home?
Thank you, I think so but I'm very private so it's hard for me to talk.
You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to-whenever you're ready is fine. Could you ask someone to come round and just sit and have a cup of tea/watch some crappy tv with you? Do you have a DP who could do that?
Yes, however he's spending most of his time entertaining DS, thankfully! I've retired to bed with a hot water bottle as pain has for quite bad again. I've taken paracetamol and ibuprofen and am pondering whether this is normal.
Sorry to hear about your loss. How you are describing as feeling is quite normal after miscarriage, keep taking the painkillers if you need them and rest as much as your DS will allow you too. As for how you feel mentally everyone is different some people want to talk others don't. You might want to talk about it in the future, you might not all perfectly normal. That's were these boards come in, even if you feel you can't say things to friends and family the anonymity of this means you can say how you feel without being judged and can get it out and written down even if you can't say it. Just remember you are not alone.
Well since I'm lying in bed ignoring pain I might as well write it down.
So I first got some blood at about 9pm Thursday night, but had no pain. Went to the gp on Friday morning who got me an appointment at EPU for Monday (tomorrow!). Still no pain and not much blood.
From about 3pm Friday pain began and got worse, however I was caring for DS and we went to M&S to get dinner, with me cramping in the aisles! I ate a cookie from the bakery.
Got home and sat down at about 5.30 and the pain was very bad. I felt something go pop and rushed to the toilet, and had a pinkish fluid. I told DP that we were going to a&e.
Got to A&E at 6 (i drove) and started bleeding heavily walking from the car park which is a long walk, to the A&E. I booked in and told them I was bleeding heavily, and left blood all over their chair. My trousers were saturated and everyone was looking at me. We got called through to triage quickly and I told the nurse that I was bleeding heavily; she gave me two pads and sent me off to the loo.
I threw away my knickers, held the pads between my legs and put back on my saturated trousers. I left blood all over the room, and told the nurse this. She gave me 2 paracetamol.
She then took us through to the internal waiting area, where there were several people waiting for various ailments. She told me to sit down and I told her it wasn't wise as I would ruin the chair. She gave me a bed pad to sit on and another spare one. We then sat there for two hours whilst everyone else was seen. I sat there in the misguided belief that the staff were aware of how much I was bleeding but were very very busy. I was in terrible pain and bled through all my pads and sent DP to get some more. This was about 8pm.
Well, once the nurses realised that I'd basically miscarried sitting on their waiting room chair they were aghast. They put me on a trolley, peeled off my saturated pads and trousers (which went in the bin), gave me a cannula. I asked for a drink as I hadn't eaten or drunk since about 5pm but they said I couldn't have anything. I was hooked up to saline and lying on a bed has never felt so calming or relaxing!
The nurses from here on were so kind. The poor Gynae doctor who was covering labour ward/theatre, the Gynae ward and A&E eventually came to see me and examined me. This was not pleasant (internal) and she was worried that not everything had come out so I was take upstairs to the Gynae ward. I was still nil by mouth as she thought they might have to do I'm guessing an erpc, during the night. I last saw the doctor at about 3am.
On the ward I passed quite a lot of tissue and blood. I remained nil by mouth without a doctor seeing me again until 11am, when I had a ravenous breakdown and kicked up a fuss about being on indefinate nil by mouth. I hadn't eaten or drunk for about 18 hours and was really feeling it. They agreed that I could eat until I had the scan then they would just fast me again if they needed to do anything. Why they could have done this before I don't know.
I had a very unpleasant internal scan at about 1pm which appeared to show only a small amount if tissue left. However the doctor was having trouble finding my left ovary so said I should go back today for a repeat blood test and then a scan later if needed.
I eventually left hospital after a long wait for my anti D. Blood tests today were good with hcg dropping, and I have a scan tomorrow.
Sorry this is long. I am obviously very upset at miscarrying in the waiting room, and about being NBM for so long. Feels better to get it all off my chest.
I forgot to add that when the nurses realised that I was bleeding, the triage nurse came over and said "oh have you started bleeding now?" Wtf?
You poor thing it's horrible what you have had to go through. My first miscarriage was similar but I didn't go to hospital, mine started on the Friday and by Saturday I was in agony and couldn't get off the loo for five hours. Went to GP on the Monday who confirmed I'd had a miscarriage and thought it was complete as pain and bleeding were settling even though still present. I bled on and off for three months until one day in the bath this shrivelled ball of tissue came out then it stopped. With hindsight I had retained products but didn't go back to the GP as thought it was normal. It's good that you are going for a scan to make sure you have no retained products. Hopefully your pain and bleeding will settle down soon.
I hope you get sorted out soon and can start to come to terms with what has happened to you. It just happened in such an awful way.
Sounds about right with the nurses, when I went in one Christmas Eve after my second miscarriage for an ERPC. The consultant said I see you have had a miscarriage oh dear. What an arse.
I hope you feel a bit better soon, sending you sympathy and hugs xx
The first doctor I saw was really kind and sympathetic. We discussed the blood and tissue loss and that it was a miscarriage. The doctor who scanned me yesterday said "so it's possible you've had a miscarriage, do you understand what that means?".
Must admit most of the medical profession were understanding and sympathetic and the nurses/midwives lovely. What really annoyed me was when we were referred for tests after repeated miscarriages the waiting area was exactly the same as all the pregnant women going for their scans. So sat there in a roomful of pregnant women.
I understand that's a common problem Geekster Well I'm sure i'll encounter lots of pregnant women tomorrow at the EPU when I have my scan.
I hope everything is as okay as it can be for you tomorrow and not too traumatic. Let us know how you get on - if you want too.
I think I feel quite guilty. This was my second pregnancy and what with being busy with toddler DS, working etc I didn't really give it much thought. I ate the right things, didn't drink
perhaps drank a bit too much caffeine, but I never spent any time in quiet, belly stroking contemplation. Poor baby
And I feel sorry for DS, that he won't have a baby sibling next year, sort for DP, who doesn't think he can go through this again, sorry for our parents who thought they were getting another grandchild.
Pseudo I'm so very sorry for your loss and the traumatic experience you went through in A & E. I cannot imagine how distressing it must have been to go through such an intensely private experience in a public space.
I hope you are treated with care and professionalism tomorrow.
Please do not feel guilty. It was not your fault. It really wasn't.
I lost my second pregnancy too (but at an earlier stage) and wondered if it was something I'd done. Was it because I visited a farm before I knew I was pregnant? Was it because I'd flea treated the dog and not washed my hands enough? Was it because didn't give up my morning coffee? Was it because I had reached too far under the kitchen table? There was nothing I didn't run over in my mind.
I wondered if we were being punished because DP and I had - stupidly and in very poor taste - privately once joked that if it was a certain gender we didn't want it (complete bollocks of course as we were both devastated by the loss)
However, now that time has passed, I can see that my miscarriage was entirely out of my hands. As was yours. Your baby was very much loved and cherished within you; even if life was more frantic than during your first pregnancy.
The guilt is horrible, you can't help but feel its your fault even though its not. You did nothing wrong. It's so horrible for everyone involved, believe me I've been through those awful thoughts and feelings. They do lessen over time but will always be part of you.
Thank you. I've also wondered whether it was punishment for cajoling DP to have a second DC quicker than he wanted to. He was happy in the end of course, but I did press the issue.
I have just re-read your last post and what strikes me is that you are feeling sorry for everyone but yourself.
Please do not overlook yourself; your feelings of sadness and loss are important too.
And I'm a rational, non religious, science based person....
Sorry, not your last post. X-posted.
Psuedo - if you find there are pregnant women there when you go for your scan and it's too much, ask if you can wait somewhere else. I'm sorry about your baby.
Thank you Bridget, you're lovely
Thinking of you today. I hope the scan went/goes as smoothly as possible.
Thank you. The sonographer today was much better at doing internal scans than the doctor was at the weekend! They think there's still bits inside, so I have another scan on the 11th. I rang work and said I won't be back until at least the 12th and they said whatever I need (my boss is lovely). Afterwards DP and I took DS out for lunch and bought him some Christmas presents which cheered us up, but I'm quite tired and sore now.
Glad to hear it wasn't too bad today and sounds like you were treated well. Sorry it's not quite over yet, at least you know what is going on now. Sounds like you had a nice afternoon. You will be tired and sore just take care of yourself and hope you feel a bit better soon, and everything goes okay next Tuesday.
Take care xx
Oh thank goodness you received better care today, and I hope your next scan gives you the all clear.
You are absolutely doing the right thing to take some time off work and I agree wholeheartedly with Geekster's advice to take care of yourself. Looking at the physical side of things alone, your body has been through quite a trauma and your hormones will probably be all over the place.
I know it's hard with an active little one around, especially when you are trying to put a brave face on and keep things as normal as possible, but try to take things as easy as possible. Plenty of sleep, rest, nourishing food and so on, are definitely the order of the day.
Psuedobadger, I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry for how traumatic it was but also relieved to know things went better yesterday.
It's great that you have some time off work. Do be kind to yourself and do whatever it is you feel like doing -- even if it's just sleeping and watching TV.
I was advised to take it easy for a couple of weeks and then to make sure I was getting daily exercise and eating healthy. It did help a lot to do that. Made me feel as if I had some control over my body and was looking after it well.
Hoping you feel a little bit better very, very soon.
Thank you all. Poor DP went to work this morning but ended up breaking down in front of his boss so has come home again. He says that every time he thinks of us sitting in the waiting room instead of somewhere private he gets more upset about it. We will definitely be making a complaint.
DS goes to his childminder today so we can both relax and rest. I think we'll take the dogs out and have tea and cake.
Your poor DP, do make that complaint because if you don't it will keep happening. Sounds like a good idea to go for a walk and have tea and cake and a bit of time just for the two of you, gives you both chance to talk about how you are both feeling. After all you have both been through a tough time, and the same thing, and will both be feeling low.
Take care both of you hope you both feel a bit better soon.
If you manage it, I hope the dog walk helps a little. At bleak times, I've found watching my dog enjoying her walk has given me a tiny lift.
There is something special about watching her joyfully run and play, and just completely immerse herself in the pleasure of the moment. It always make me feel - even if it's just fleetingly - that, even during dark times, there are still moments of happiness to be had.
I hope your dogs are good listeners and cuddlers too x
Badger I'm so sorry to hear you were treated like that at such a distressing time. Please do complain when you feel strong enough, or get your DH to do it. Losing a baby is devastating enough without being left to do it in public and with such lack of compassion from staff.
I hope you are taking it easy and feeling better physically now.
Thank you Geekster, Bridget and messtins. DP and I had a day designed to take our minds off events - we walked the dogs at Kenwood, then had coffee and cake. Then on the spur of the moment we went to the cinema to see Skyfall, which was fantastic escapism We talked a lot and has some lovely silent moments too.
Tomorrow we will snuggle on the sofa and watch DVDs. It's possible I did too much today as I'm very tired and a bit sore, but it took our minds off it.
Thank you all again for your kind words x
Glad you and DP had a nice day together yesterday maybe you overdid it a bit physically but sounds like mentally it did you both good. Enjoy your sofa and DVDs.
Was overcome by sadness and tiredness this afternoon and spent a few hours in bed. Still bleeding and passing clots.
I'm quite annoyed with my parents as they have told several of their friends - DP and I have told our bosses and one friend each! Maybe I'm being a bit precious.
Pseudo I think that pattern of being 'okay' for a bit and then sinking back down for a bit is pretty normal. Yesterday was pretty busy, so some time in bed was probably a good idea both physically and emotionally.
I don't think you are being precious. I didn't tell my mother but I was livid when she implied in conversation she'd been talking about my miscarriage with her work colleagues. I can't really put my finger on why...I think in part it was because it felt DP and I's sad, personal experience was reduced to something to gossip about.
With hindsight, and reason, I'm sure my mother probably just needed support for her own sadness. It did hurt though.
Agree with everything Bridget said. Your days will be up and down for a while. Luckily my Mum didn't tell many people at all and was quite cross when one of my aunties told one of her friends. Like Bridget says maybe its your Mums way of coping. I know it's not easy but try not to get too worked up over it. Your own head will be all over the place at the moment.
I'm starting to worry about going back to work. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to go back this week (how long is it normal to feel sad for?) but I'm worrying about what I will tell people if I have 2 weeks off, and to a lesser extent about workload. Today I've felt very down.
If you don't feel ready to go back to work don't. I went back too soon after one of my miscarriages after two weeks and I couldn't cope. Everyone knew I had been pregnant because were I worked I had to tell them for health and safety reasons. I couldn't cope with everyone's sympathy and wasn't ready to talk about it to them. I had another week off. Don't worry about your work load, if you go back feeling like this you wouldn't be able to concentrate. You may feel sad for quite a while yet and down and low. Just take it day by day. How you feel is totally normal after miscarriage. It's up to you what you tell them at work, you could say personal problems or tell them you had the flu, or the truth if you feel up to it. You may feel a bit better when you do feel up to going to work as it brings a bit of 'normality' back. But if you are thinking you are not ready to go back yet you probably aren't. You don't suddenly wake up one day and no longer feel sad, it's a gradual process that can take a few months, then something can floor you out of the blue. I know that sounds negative but it's the truth, but things will get better, you will feel better,
Take care xx
Thank you again Geekster. I think I'll take this week off, then think about going back to sort out some stuff before Christmas, then trying to relax over Christmas
as much as I can whilst flying to Ireland and spending it with DP's large family
I hope you manage to relax a bit over Christmas, at least being surrounded by family can take your mind of it for a while, even better of you are going away. I found that after I had to have an ERPC on Christmas Eve one year that going to my Mum and Dads the day after (I had to stay in overnight because I was ill) really helped.
Well I had a follow up scan today and they've decided that I need an ERPC as the womb lining is still thickened (or something like that). So that's happening tomorrow afternoon.
The A&E debacle is biting us all in the bum now. When I went to the toilet during the triage process I'm pretty certain that some 'tissue' went down the loo. I wasn't told to keep it, I didn't know it was important at that stage so I didn't. However the doctors that I've seen on the Gynae ward have been worried as there has been no sac visible in any scans and it doesn't seem that any tissue has been noted by the A&E doctor who examined me. Therefore they seem worried that this could be ectopic. I guess this will all be resolved tomorrow.
The doctor who I saw today runs the EPU and was so lovely. I ended up sobbing all over him when I described the A&E experience. He said that he hopes his unit will one day be able to open all the time so that women can be treated with dignity instead of potentially being treated like I was in A&E. But there's no funding yet
I finally got some leaflets and advice on miscarriage, and the doctor was shocked that I'd been left essentially on my own for 10 days. I feel more cared for now.
Sorry, what a self indulgent post!
Not self indulgent at all. Glad you got treated with kindness and compassion today. At last it sounds like you are getting some answers and the help you need. Hopefully after tomorrow everything will be resolved for you both and you can start trying to move on.
Let us know how you get on.
Just to say I'm thinking of you Pseudo - I hope today goes as smoothly as it can x
Hoping the procedure goes fine today and that you have a good rest after. xox
Well <hollow laugh> I'm really experiencing the full NHS service...
I went in as arranged, waited 2 hours, spoke to the anaesthetist and surgeon. The surgeon went off to review my scans and I went to be put under. Because I was so cold they were having trouble putting the cannula in and they were just trying the third vein when the surgeon came in and said "Do we really need to do this?"! I told her that I was just doing what medical professionals were advising me
She didn't feel that the amount left (as shown on the scans) warrants the risk of a GA and possible uterine tear etc. She discussed this with her consultant and basically it didn't get done.
I'm back home and ironically am having a lot of pain and passing thumb sized clots! So perhaps I'm finally getting rid of it all by myself? It is quite painful though.
I'm quite furious with the hospital and this will be added to my complaint letter.
Pseudo so very sorry to hear that. I am very shocked and on your behalf. Was this at a hospital starting with R?
Thank you Welove.
No, it begins with B.
Gosh, you really are being put through the mill. I imagine you are utterly emotionally exhausted. Have been asked to go back for a final scan to check that everything has returned to normal?
Just awful and I am beyond cross for you.
No Bridget, I've been sent away with nothing. I was meant to go back tonight to get some antibiotics from the ward, but I couldn't breastfeed with them. So I just rang and asked for a different one, and I have to get amoxicillin from my GP tomorrow.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.
My own experience can be summed up in the following;1) began bleeding 2) became clear I was no longer pg 3) epu advised me over the phone to see my gp 4) gp advises he will refer me for a scan to check its all gone, takes bloods 5) a few weeks later attend scan
Yes that is it. No leaflets, just advised to take pain relief as required. The only exam was the scan which was weeks later.
I'm sorry for your experience too SeveredHead
You know, I didn't even notice that I hadn't received leaflets/advice until I got some yesterday!
Sorry for your experience PseudoBadger. There is really no excuse for the way you have been treated. To leave you in limbo this long is disgusting. You would think they would treat you better, after all you have sufferd a big loss and are in grief and its a bereavement like any other. I'm cross on your behalf. Make sure you do complain.
I hope you feel better soon, look after each other.
Jesus you've had some pretty shocking treatment (all of you).
I had a mmc last month. Ended up having medical management (tablets) and was admitted to the gynae ward while I had them. First lot didn't work, then as we were discussing erpc with the consultant, the second lot kicked in and everything came out. I did get some support and info (and plenty pain relief offered), and while I feel better looked after than you've been it was still lacking.
I would definitely complain about a&e, and I think it's bloody horrendous that women in our situation have to share a waiting room for the scan with pregnant women (something I will be writing to the hospital about)
Take as long as you need off work. I had 3 weeks in the end as I just wasn't up to it physically or emotionally. I had extreme tiredness for at least 2 weeks. Be kind to yourself- everything you've been feeling (your DP included) is normal, and it may take time before you start feeling like yourself again. Look after each other, and we're all here anytime you need to talk/vent
Oh, PseudoBadger, that's incredibly stupid and thoughtless of them! I'm so sorry this has been one healthcare fiasco after another for you.
I wish they'd done a scan at the very least. Definitely do complain.
Thinking of you and hoping the pain is a bit better at least. xox
Thank you again, much less pain today although a little tonight so who knows if more is coming? I saw the GP today to get antibiotics and she was shocked at what's happened, and told me to ring the EPU for a furthe scan.
So I rang the EPU and they were also shocked (everyone's shocked ) that the erpc was cancelled and I think were quite annoyed that their medical judgement had been overruled. I may have started a departmental war....
I have a scan next Tuesday.
Oh and the gp signed me off until after Christmas, so that's a relief.
Good I'm glad you got signed off work. Sounds like you have a good GP. Good for you for starting a departmental war at the hospital. Maybe something will get done about the shoddy treatment you have received, and someone will get their but kicked. I really hope you finally get some answers next Tuesday.
Wow pseudo what a nightmare...I hope it's all over soon for you and you can 'enjoy' Christmas as much as possible. I think you've posted on one of my other panicking threads - expecting to have to go through all this imminently - and wanted to show some support. It's very interesting that the surgeon who cancelled your op (right or wrong) felt the risks of it outweighed getting everything finished. Everybody always plays down the risks & looks at the fact that - statistically - its very safe. But having worked closely with surgeons, I think they generally know best about it....& if we're talking statistics, all of us are 'statistically' unlucky to have been through this, some more than once. It does make me more wary of ERPC although the natural option terrifies me, particularly reading stories like yours. Take care of yourself - it sounds like you have a lovely DH, dogs and DS to help heal the pain slowly xx
Also out of interest - has the doc that signed you off stated the real reason, so you're forced to declare it to work by getting signed off?
Also out of interest - has the doc that signed you off stated the real reason, so you're forced to declare it to work by getting signed off?
Hi Boy, thanks for posting. I had already told my boss so that's not a problem, but the doctor was happy to write something else if it was an issue
That sounds dodgy! I guess she would have just phrased it differently, not made up a different reason for being off
Well I can't actually believe it, but the saga continues. Went for a scan today, there's still retained products so I've been booked AGAIN for an erpc on Thursday. My notes have written 'do not cancel' all over them! The doctor is furious that this wasn't done last week.
I'm feeling so down and fed up with this had a little cry in the supermarket at a couple of tiny babies - not like me at all! I'm really at the end of my tether emotionally I think
Oh Pseudobadger - so sorry. I remember you from the June thread and I can't believe the way you've been treated So, so angry and sad for you. I went through the worst of mine yesterday and I'm glad i stuck to my guns and stayed at home now, horrific though it was - if I'd had the same treatment as you in A&E I don't know what I would have done. It really is unforgiveable the way you've been messed around. You probably don't want to think about it at this stage but you might want to have a chat with PALS about your experience when you're feeling stronger. Thinking of you
Sorry to hear that PseudoBadger. If they had just got on with it last week it would have been sorted by now. You must be so fed up. I'm not surprised you are at the end of your emotional tether. Miscarriage is bad enough without all the shoddy treatment you have had, you have been messed around so much. I really hope you finally get sorted out on Thursday. Just refuse to leave the hospital until you do. Not surprised you had a little cry. Have a big one it might help you to feel better. You are a strong woman to have kept going through all this. Be kind to yourself.
Oh Pasudo so very for you.
Thank you all. I will absolutely not be leaving the hospital without having t done! But I am really scared now about getting a cannula put in as it was such a nightmare last week
On the bright side, we are off for lunch to a Michelin star restaurant today!
Sounds like a lovely lunch plan Pseudo.
I know it sounds stupid, but I find closing eyes and breathing out slowly helps cannula go in smoothly. May not work for you, but might be worth a try.
Shouldn't worry about the cannula too much, you may have got someone last time who couldn't get it in easily. They will get one in.
Enjoy your lunch today.
Well it's all done. True to form my hospital made sure there was a sting in the tail for me, which was putting me on the morning list (nil by mouth from midnight) but then doing the op during the afternoon list (1 pm!).
Since it was my 3rd NBM of over 12 hours in 3 weeks I was rather pissed off Why aren't I thinner by now?!
The doctor said that there was lots of product left, more than indicates by the scan, so they were pleased to have done the erpc.
Hopefully I can now move on, and begin my extensive complaint letter
Pseudo, glad to hear all is over for you now and that they made you wait once again.
I reported my treatment to pals and it was apparently taken very seriously - brought up in a department meeting as a main topic.
Bless you. I'm glad it's finally over for you now and you can start to process it all and move on. But yes, definitely complain!!
I'm so glad you have finally been sorted out physically and can move on now. Get that letter written and let them know exactly what you thought of your terrible treatment. You 'sound' a bit happier in your post. I hope you manage to enjoy Christmas as much as you can in the circumstances.
Best of luck for the future. Take care.
So relieved, as you must be relieved too. It was about time they did everything necessary for you to be physically done with this.
Take care of yourself.
Join the discussion
Please login first.