Be glad when its all over - missed (silent) miscarriage

(57 Posts)
Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:09:37

Well I can't believe I am sat here writing this, as I am doing it with great sadness, but if I help one other person in my situation feel like someone else has been where they are then it has done its job...

We had been trying for a baby for a year, being 24 and healthy i didn't think it would take more than a couple of months and have to admit that seeing the majority of my friends get pregnant straight away or within a few months, we really were starting to feel the strain...we found out 5 1/2 weeks ago that we are pregnant. I'll never forget my partners face when I emerged from the toilet clutching at a positive pregnancy test and told him he was going to be a daddy...

Within a couple of days of finding out I was pregnant, I started to have cramps, worse than period pains, like sharp stabbing pains that lasted a few seconds then disappeared...after speaking with my doctor it came apparent that these may have just been pregnancy pains\bedding in pains...Later that night I went to hospital due to the severity and was admitted onto the ward...I had blood tests which showed low ECG levels (625) and was told I'd have a scan first thing and that this may have been ectopic...I had the scan and all that was seen was a gestational sac (tiny) but was normal for the amount of weeks I was and the godsend was that it wasn't an ectopic...I then had another blood test 2 days later (got discharged from the ward) and my bloods had gone up to 1780...everything was going in the right direction but they still needed to scan me...

7 days later I had another scan which showed a sac which had grown significantly since the last scan...10 days later a scan which showed my precious bean, a larger sac and a yolk sac...no heartbeat...they couldn't discharge me until a HB was seen, things were still progressing and I was told it isn't unusual not to see a HB at early 6/7 weeks...

Monday just gone, 10 days later, I went for another scan...the sonographer said there was a bubble above the sac which wasn't there the week before which she thought was a bleed...my bean still wasn't showing a HB and the sac hadn't grown much...I then went back to the early preg unit and was told things aren't progressing as they should and there comes a time when things aren't looking positive and have to say all these scans aren't showing signs of a viable pregnancy...she asked me if I wanted to go home and wait for a MC, have an Op or have medical management for the miscarriage...I could barely breathe, let alone decide this...I couldn't believe it was only the same morning I was convinced I'd be discharged due to them finally seeing the HB, I was so mad with myself for allowing myself to get excited...

It's now 4 days later and I have only just decided to go for the op...I asked them to book me in next week so I have at least got the rest of this week to get my head round it and give it a chance to happen normally...I'm booked in for the op a week today...I have requested another scan early next week due to the fact I haven't bled through this pregnancy and I don't think id forgive myself if I didn't have another scan before I have the op...even though I have sort of accepted the fact this pregnancy isn't going to have a happy outcome...

I'm so scared to have the op, never had an op in my life...but I can't leave it longer than next Friday, its been 4 days so far and it's killing me...still feeling pregnant isn't helping either...

I don't know about trying again, feel as if I have been put off so to speak, I don't think I could do this to myself and my partner all over again...maybe I will feel differently once I can start to move forward...

Feel for all you ladies who are going through a miscarriage or have had a miscarriage in the past, it's the single worst thing I have ever experienced...

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Oct-12 00:16:03

I feel so sorry for you OP. Having to have an operation must make it scary as well as awfully sad.

I'm the same age as you and can't help but have a touch of "it'll happen straight away for me" when trying.

I'm sure you and your partner will feel differently given some time to grieve. But YANBU to feel that way right now because you're in the moment,living it,right now. Hope you're ok,given the circumstances x

WorraLiberty England Sat 20-Oct-12 00:17:45

I'm so so sorry to read this OP, you must be going through the most unimaginable hell and stress right now thanks

All I can do is wish you the very best of luck no matter what happens.

But YANBU of course. You must choose what is right for you and no matter what that is, it's going to be heartbreaking.

Please don't think about trying again right now...that's something for the future.

What you and your partner have to deal with is the unenviable here and now and I wish you both the best of luck with that.

NathanDetroit Sat 20-Oct-12 00:19:39

Hey OP, sorry you are going through this, I've been there (I had a molar pregnancy). The operation is OK and all the staff are really kind to you.

I felt a lot like you about trying again, and haven't been allowed to for the whole year due to follow-up that I had to have but give it all time, that's all you can do. Take care of yourself, I hope you have plenty of support from family and friends. x

Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 00:29:28

To be honest I don't think trying again would have entered my mind so quickly if family and friends hadn't already mentioned the fact I could try again soon! Thing is I wanted this baby...more than anything in the world, I felt privileged that I was able to see what was going on in there from being so early on, now I wish I hadn't seen any of it...I wouldn't have known until the 12 week scan and by then imagine things would have happened naturally....thank you so much for your kind posts, I'm new to this site xx

perfectstorm Sat 20-Oct-12 00:35:30

I'm so sorry.

I had an ectopic this past fortnight, it's been bloody awful. I was treated with chemo drugs to stop the poor bean growing, in the end, as it was threatening to rupture sad so this won't apply to me, as obviously I can't risk conception now for several months... but at the start when they were hopeful it was a "normal" miscarriage (and isn't that a horribly depressing turn of phrase all ways round) they told me that you get a little boost with your fertility after losing a baby, as the body seeks to replace that which has been lost. So you may find yourself pregnant very quickly, if you want to be. I appreciate that you may not feel ready for that, though. And you are only 24 - I'm 15 years older than you, which makes the whole thing a bit dicier. But I have hope! smile

Mumsnet is a wonderful place when you need support. If you post on the thread on miscarriages, you'll find a lot of people who know what you are going through. Hang on in there - this too shall pass.

Cathycomehome Sat 20-Oct-12 00:39:12

[flowers]

Cathycomehome Sat 20-Oct-12 00:39:51

Didn't work, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, though sad

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Oct-12 00:43:27

I'm not sure if this will make you feel any better or anything OP but my OH is older and been in couple of relationships where there has been a miscarriage. He keeps telling me that "a shocking number of first pregnancies end in miscarriage. They never tell you until you're going through it yourself". Apparently there's no reason for it,it just happens (medical knowledge only goes so far I suppose).

Obviously the above doesn't make what you're going through any easier,you wanted this baby and it must be so terribly sad but if you were to try again then it may well be different. Again that does not make now any easier,just take some time to grieve and see how you feel later on.x

Just wanted to add my condolences. It really is a horrible thing to have to go through. It happened to me in January last year. As I write this I am being pummelled by 9mo dd2 who wouldn't be here if I hadn't lost that baby. I was pregnant with her within 2 months of my mmc. There is hope and you will get through it.

Wishing you strength for the weeks ahead x thanks

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Oct-12 00:47:07

I've re read the above post and am worried I've come across as socially awkward? :s

Basically I was trying to say...you are not alone in experiencing this OP and it is natural to grieve for this baby.

Softlysoftly Sat 20-Oct-12 01:02:23

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a missed mc picked up at 1st scan and waited for natural loss as I too held that tiny hope they were wrong.

It was awful, let yourself grieve as to you there was a baby, you had plans and dreams sad

I now have two wonderful girls so please let yourself heal then maybe nature will take its course. Perhaps just enjoy one another again rather than "trying" you are still so young xxxx

bedmonster Sat 20-Oct-12 01:51:50

Ah OP I have been through the very same hell and know a few others who have experienced similar. It rarely helps or is of comfort to hear about it from others but it sadly is something that so many go through.

I hope you have a supportive partner as I did and you can have a bit of space with him to come to terms with your loss.

Be very very kind to yourself in the coming weeks, it took me a while to get my head around the fact that something I wanted so much wasn't going to happen at that time.

I hope not to come across as patronising here as I 100% don't mean it, but 24 is young in terms of reproductive years to not be worrying in terms of it never happening, you still have at least a good decade ahead of you to try and conceive if you wish to do so. That's a long time.

thanks for you. Grieve and be in peace. Good luck in the future and remember, MNers are here for you if you need to rant.

JasperStreet Sat 20-Oct-12 02:01:57

So sorry, it's an awful thing to go through. Don't worry about having the ERPC though, it's really not that bad. IMO the worst bit is finding out. Just make sure you look after yourself now, you're allowed to feel sad.

IllageVidiot Sat 20-Oct-12 02:51:40

I'm so sorry Beardy24.

I have had a mmc and 'normal' mcs (which is something to do with me, please don't worry). For me the missed was more difficult to come to terms with.

People will say lots of things to you that are meant with a kind heart but, although you may find surprising solidarity from people you never knew had been where you are, many people still feel awkward and don't know what to say for the best.
Lots of 'you can try again', 'it was probably for the best' and 'it wasn't a real baby yet' may hurt at first but please try to let these comments go.

I echo the sentiments of pp's - be kind to yourself, be kind to each other. You will both grieve but possibly in different ways. Allow yourself to feel what you feel - your heart will have taken a battering but your body will need a rest too.
You don't have to ascribe to anybody else's schedule or ideas of how you should be doing - take it at your own pace. Some people find that they grieved all their hurt at this stage and focussing on trying again was what they wanted to do, some people find they need space from the news, the hurt and the op to move through things and can't try again for a while - both are right, there is no wrong way.

Wishing you peace and strength for the days to come. It will be ok and it does get better thanks

Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 10:37:32

Thank you so much everyone x

Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 10:39:57

Does anyone know how to move this thread to the MC thread please? Xx

Birnamwood Sat 20-Oct-12 10:47:36

Beards, you move it by reporting to mn but I've already done it for you x

Thinking of you x

CaptainHoratioWragge Sat 20-Oct-12 10:48:23

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. They waiting for confirmation in scan after scan just seems so cruel.

Do not be cross with yourself for allowing yourself to hope it would be ok- this was a wanted and loved PG, of course you are going to hope.

I found the waiting for something to happen by far the hardest part- it is like pschological torture waking up each day wondering if it is going to start, how am i going to cope etc- i think booking yourself in for the op a week today was a very sane and caring thing to do for yourself- and if it hasn't happened by itself first, the op itself I found to actually be a relief- i was worried about the anaesthetic etc as i'd never had an op, but the feeling of it being all over when i woke up was what i needed.

As for trying again, you'll know when its right. Some people have a year off, some people stop trying altogether, some people try straight away- what you feel you want to do is the right thing.

It won't always feel this bad, I promise.

KatMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 20-Oct-12 10:50:08

Beardy24

Does anyone know how to move this thread to the MC thread please? Xx

Hi OP, we've moved this into Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss for you now. Wishing you all the best thanks
MNHQ

SelfRighteousPrissyPants Sat 20-Oct-12 10:52:18

I'm so sorry. I had a MMC at 12 weeks last year and definitely felt the waiting was really hard. The erpc is fine physically. Mentally of course it's unbelieveably hard to lose your baby. Please look after yourself and don't make any decisions about trying again yet ((((unmumsnetty hugs))))

Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 11:02:39

Thank you for moving the thread over.

And thank you for sharing your stories with me, means a lot x

Beardy24 Sat 20-Oct-12 22:40:44

I feel more positive re the op after your comments, thank you thanks x

calmlychaotic Sun 21-Oct-12 02:41:38

So sorry you are going though this.the op really isn't that bad. They told me its a procedure rather than an op, made it feel less scary to me.its sadly a very frequently performed procedure. Takes less than 10 mins. I didn't like the idea of going to sleep. Thought id panic but didn't know anything about it. One minute I was talking to nurse next I was waking in recovery. no recollection of a needle or anything.

MrsJohnDeere Sun 21-Oct-12 10:16:04

Beardy - so sorry you are going through this. You really have been through a terrible few weeks, haven't you.

I had the op on Friday (missed miscarriage discovered at 12 week scan). The op itself really is absolutely fine. You will know nothing about it. I don't have any internal exams (which I struggle with) before or after. One minute the lovely team of nurses and the anaesthetist were talking to me, then I fell asleep, and when I woke up it was all over.

MerseyMama Sun 21-Oct-12 10:35:51

Am so sorry, hugs xxx

Beardy24 Sun 21-Oct-12 12:37:24

That's a good way to think of it, a procedure rather than an op...so sorry to everyone on this thread who has been through the same thing...not long till Friday and hopefully I feel like I can breathe again x

messtins Mon 22-Oct-12 13:51:53

I'm so sorry you've lost your baby. I had a MMC in 2009 and a similar experience to you in that I had lots of scans and everything was going ok..going ok.. baby has a heartbeat... oh no it doesn't sad. In the end I did MC naturally but the weeks of uncertainty left me in very poor shape emotionally to deal with the loss. I had another MC in September this year but it was apparent very quickly which way it was going and I had medical management. In many ways I've got over that better because I didn't feel dragged over the coals emotionally, and because having been there before I hadn't completely emotionally committed to the baby the moment I saw a line on the test.
I've also had 2 healthy children, I'm sure it is of no comfort to you at the moment to hear that you can try again, but you are in a good position for things to work out for you in the end. Take all the time you need to grieve for the baby you so wanted. Will be thinking of you on Friday.

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 15:13:09

Thank you for your post messtins, it brought a tear to my eye sad I can't believe how lovely the messages have been on here from people who don't know me...

I went for my pre-op today and i had to sign forms for the baby (or tissues as they put it) to be cremated/insinerated or taken home with me...I didn't even think I'd have to think about those things, shocked and upset...The nurse told me we can start trying straight away...feel as if I need Friday out of the way before even thinking about it...

Lovely to hear you have 2 children despite what you have been through with your mc's xx

greengoose Mon 22-Oct-12 16:08:28

Hi op. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm going through my third MC at the moment, had one MMC and one early MC previously, and one D&C. The procedure is not nearly as bad as the thought of it. I felt fine to go home within an hour, and wasn't sore afterwards. Only light period like bleeding. Letting it happen naturally, if you should start before Fri is more painful, but because your bean was so tiny it may not be much more than a very heavy period with crampy feelings. Everyone is different though.
Your body has not failed you know. I think many woman feel this when we MC. It's important to know that the pregnancy was very likely to be not viable, and your body did the right thing. I know that's horrible, but the thing is, it would more than likely know exactly what to do with a viable pregnancy, if you do try again. Good luck whatever you decide, and take it easy for a while. Xxx

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 18:10:47

Sorry to hear of your mcs greengoose, I can't imagine how you feel after having 3...Us ladies must find the strength from somewhere...

I just feel like such a rubbish woman at the minute, after trying for a year then this happening, just keep thinking what is wrong with me?!

Funny I was just saying to my partner that the baby mustn't have been healthy otherwise my body wouldn't have terminated the pregnancy...

Seem to be having some cramps this evening, had a bit of backache all week but today has been the first time I've experienced cramps...scared...don't know if I can decide whether I'd rather it happen naturally or if I really want things to wait till Friday xxx

greengoose Mon 22-Oct-12 19:42:11

Try not to be scared love, I know it's easy to say and not to do, but you will be ok. If you are getting cramps then things might be going to happen naturally. From a practical point of view, it would be sensible to have at hand some maternity sanitary pads, or the really big nightime ones. You can go through quite a lot, so get a few packs. If you wear g-strings, you need some big pants to put them in too! Leggings make everything far more secure and comfy. Paracetamol is best to take, and probably enough, and a hot water bottle is lovely. Some DVDs or books to keep your mind occupied are also good! (chocolate is advisable)!
You will be absolutely fine, really. If you have any worries, or questions, or just need some virtual hand holding we are here for that.
We do find strength from somewhere, women are amazing. I have two boys, and I also had a little girl in April who died when she was six days old. Although this broke my heart, we keep going, and you know what, having kids is such a miracle that it is well worth the struggle to make them. Honest. Things will get easier. Take care. Xxx

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 20:42:52

I've been wearing sanitary pads since last Monday just incase, seems silly but want to feel secure.

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles, puts things into perspective when you speak with people who have been through so much worse than yourself currently or in the past...

I haven't had any more pains since earlier...maybe it's the start of things to come...just glad I've got an amazing partner to share this nasty experience with me...and of course all you lovely ladies on here xxx

I'm so sorry about your loss sad

I lost my baby boy Riley-Lee at 23 weeks on 6th April. I had 2 D&C's after loosing him over two months, neither of them worked and passed some after birth over 3months later and got pregnant within the month after that.

I then had an early m/c at 8 weeks in August... I still feel so ill, doctors wont sort me out ive lost two stone some have no respect. I'm only 18, defiantly waiting to heal properly now.. finish college and go to uni.

I hope you heal properly and I'm really aorry to hear what you have been through, its a horrible thing to hear sad.

Stay strong :-)

Beardy24 Mon 22-Oct-12 22:58:35

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 I'm so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking story, I can't believe what you must have been through and still going through, and still only 18...I hope college and uni goes well for you and brings you some comfort. I can't wait to get back to work, just petrified of something happening whilst I'm there and not being near to home...

I have learnt over the last few weeks that some doctors/nurses are so compassionate and others really aren't...

I really hope you feel better soon x

StrawbsAndCream Mon 22-Oct-12 23:44:58

Beardy I'm so sorry, it really is so so rubbish. Everyone here is brill with amazing advice so you've come to the right place x
I had an erpc last month, after finding out at our first scan at nearly 13 weeks that there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing at 8+4, we had no idea but I did have a feeling before the scan it wasn't going to be good. You just feel numb at the time don't you? I just couldn't believe it was actually happening to me, I still can't really.
The op is absolutely fine, I went into hosp in the morning, they took blood etc and i signed forms which you already have done, you get given a gown and some (really attractive) compression socks and tags on your wrist and ankle. Everybody is lovely and I was well taken care of, they pop a pessary near your cervix about an hour before you go down, you are in and out of theatre in an hour, I was back on the ward with lots of morphine :-), I had to stay over night in the end but you probably won't have to, allow yourself a lot of time to recover, I had 2 weeks off work but I could have done with longer, emotionally more than anything.
Sorry if I've gone in to too much detail, you probably won't want to think about it but I had no clue going in what was going to happen and I wish I had known before hand. They will give you antibiotics at the hospital and some nice strong paracetamol.

We were ttc for 19 months before we got our bfp, I'm 20 so even a bit younger than you, it really is awful, the worst feeling in the world, but it does get easier with time, i can only just talk about it without being a blubbering mess. We have just started ttc again, just taking it easy really.

I will be thinking of you hun, and please ask any questions you like, we are all here for support, take good care of yourself and make sure you are waited on hand and foot! Xxxx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 01:17:35

StrawbsAndCream so very sorry to hear of your loss, its just not fair is it?
I too felt numb when they told me things weren't progressing...For a second even thought she must have got it wrong...in a way I feel blessed that I had these scans from being 4 weeks onwards..but in another sense it just gave me false hope as things seemed to be going well..I would have been 10 weeks this Thursday and baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks they think.

Thanks for giving me a bit more of an insight into what's going to happen on Friday, I am so scared...it doesn't sound half as bad as I thought it was going to be..Will I get painkillers/morphine without asking or does it depend on pain??

Best of luck with ttc, just take it easy as you say...[flowers]
There will be no more ovulation tests/ovulation calanders/being sat on the loo with a test the day my period is due when we start ttc again;my plan is to be much more relaxed about it all this time...

Xx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 01:18:16

That should have been thanks
Xx

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:37:41

It really isn't Beardy, when I went for my scan (at 11.30pm as i had barely there brown discharge but just wanted a scan really!!) a lady had gone in before me who had been chain smoking outside - and obviously her baby was absolutely fine, I just thought how is that fair? I've not been drinking bloody tea for god's sake!! (no offence to smokers at all) :-)
I know what you mean about thinking she had it wrong.. I sat up and looked at the screen and could definitely see a little baby but just no heartbeat, the sonographer even tried to give me hope by saying 'well we will send you to the epu as this machine isn't as sensitive, you never know' I said to her, if there is no heartbeat at nearly 9 weeks it isn't going to magically start beating again?! And she just said 'no your right' .. Bizarre!

It must have been awful for you to not know what would happen for weeks :-( I can't imagine that bless you, aw I'm still living my life through weeks at the moment too, I'd be 19+4 today so would be finding out the sex soon! Even though 2 psychic friends who never usually talk about things have pulled me to one side and said they just had to tell me if I wanted to know..They both said baby was a girl, but who knows!

No the erpc really isn't bad at all, i had paracetamol before I went down but that was only because I had the pessary in me for 4 hrs when it's only meant to be 1 hr, as the theatre was running late. I started contracting and needed something for it but it was only like bad period pain and that won't happen to you! There is no pain after the hour it's actually meant to be in for so don't worry. You go down to the anaesthetic room, the person giving you it will have already come to see you to say hi and explain it to you. They were all lovely..making me laugh even! In the end it took the man about 5 attempts as I have the smallest veins ever.. He uses a children's needle in the end! Embarrassing! So first they put in a painkiller which I think was morphine.. It makes you feel a bit drunk its great, they will also attach you to heart monitors, they are just a few stickers on your chest and side, then they put in the anaesthetic and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery, I did have a bit of pain, bit like period pain when I woke up, the lady will ask you if you are ok and if you need painkiller, I said yes so she put some more morphine through the cannula, between that and the oxygen they give you, I was having the time of my life! Haha, I was high as a kite, my mum and DF were amazed when I came up how happy I was, they took a picture of me to send to worried family!

I had to stay over night as my op was late (8.30pm) because of the delay but you probably will have to stay a couple of hours, you will have to keep your lovely socks on for a bit and go for a wee, someone will come and give you antibiotics if that's what happens at your hospital, and do a discharge form with you, the gynaecologist looking after you will be the one to say you can go home. The morphine did wear off after a while with me and I did feel a bit rough, but 'down there' wise it is fine, I was clean, they had put a giant pad under me, I didn't feel like I'd had an op in that respect, and there was not much bleeding, just like a period, mine did last very lightly for about 2 weeks-ish maybe more. Have as much time off work/anything as you need and just laze on the sofa watching rubbish tv! Your hormone levels will drop quickly and you may feel awful or you may feel ok. I cried at the drop of a hat and still do now really, but it does get alot easier, the grief aswell is very hard. For me personally it didn't hit me until about 2 weeks ago, the realisation of what actually happened, I think I had just been floating along by not really admitting to it. But all my family especially my mum and DF have been fantastic, I have noticed it has start to hit him aswell but he will try to avoid getting upset as to not upset me, bless him. Make sure you are surrounded by family and friends, I don't think I was by myself for about 4 weeks afterwards, And when I was alone I just sobbed and sobbed, still do now - mainly in my car!

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:44:28

It really isn't Beardy, when I went for my scan (at 11.30pm as i had barely there brown discharge but just wanted a scan really!!) a lady had gone in before me who had been chain smoking outside - and obviously her baby was absolutely fine, I just thought how is that fair? I've not been drinking bloody tea for god's sake!! (no offence to smokers at all) :-)
I know what you mean about thinking she had it wrong.. I sat up and looked at the screen and could definitely see a little baby but just no heartbeat, the sonographer even tried to give me hope by saying 'well we will send you to the epu as this machine isn't as sensitive, you never know' I said to her, if there is no heartbeat at nearly 9 weeks it isn't going to magically start beating again?! And she just said 'no your right' .. Bizarre!

It must have been awful for you to not know what would happen for weeks :-( I can't imagine that bless you, aw I'm still living my life through weeks at the moment too, I'd be 19+4 today so would be finding out the sex soon! Even though 2 psychic friends who never usually talk about things have pulled me to one side and said they just had to tell me if I wanted to know..They both said baby was a girl, but who knows!

No the erpc really isn't bad at all, i had paracetamol before I went down but that was only because I had the pessary in me for 4 hrs when it's only meant to be 1 hr, as the theatre was running late. I started contracting and needed something for it but it was only like bad period pain and that won't happen to you! There is no pain after the hour it's actually meant to be in for so don't worry. You go down to the anaesthetic room, the person giving you it will have already come to see you to say hi and explain it to you. They were all lovely..making me laugh even! In the end it took the man about 5 attempts as I have the smallest veins ever.. He uses a children's needle in the end! Embarrassing! So first they put in a painkiller which I think was morphine.. It makes you feel a bit drunk its great, they will also attach you to heart monitors, they are just a few stickers on your chest and side, then they put in the anaesthetic and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery, I did have a bit of pain, bit like period pain when I woke up, the lady will ask you if you are ok and if you need painkiller, I said yes so she put some more morphine through the cannula, between that and the oxygen they give you, I was having the time of my life! Haha, I was high as a kite, my mum and DF were amazed when I came up how happy I was, they took a picture of me to send to worried family!

I had to stay over night as my op was late (8.30pm) because of the delay but you probably will have to stay a couple of hours, you will have to keep your lovely socks on for a bit and go for a wee, someone will come and give you antibiotics if that's what happens at your hospital, and do a discharge form with you, the gynaecologist looking after you will be the one to say you can go home. The morphine did wear off after a while with me and I did feel a bit rough, but 'down there' wise it is fine, I was clean, they had put a giant pad under me, I didn't feel like I'd had an op in that respect, and there was not much bleeding, just like a period, mine did last very lightly for about 2 weeks-ish maybe more. Have as much time off work/anything as you need and just laze on the sofa watching rubbish tv! Your hormone levels will drop quickly and you may feel awful or you may feel ok. I cried at the drop of a hat and still do now really, but it does get alot easier, the grief aswell is very hard. For me personally it didn't hit me until about 2 weeks ago, the realisation of what actually happened, I think I had just been floating along by not really admitting to it. But all my family especially my mum and DF have been fantastic, I have noticed it has start to hit him aswell but he will try to avoid getting upset as to not upset me, bless him. Make sure you are surrounded by family and friends, I don't think I was by myself for about 4 weeks afterwards, And when I was alone I just sobbed and sobbed, still do now - mainly in my car!

Regarding ttc, I am doing just that, as that was how we conceived first time, I pretty much gave up and said do you know what I just cannot be assed for this anymore! A month of amazing carefree sex (sorry!) and I was pregnant! So just going with the flow, what will be will be!

Wow sorry for the bloody long post! Woops!

I hope you are ok today - as can be, thanks to you too, and feel free to ask anything else or if you just need to chat it out! xxxxxx

StrawbsAndCream Tue 23-Oct-12 10:45:11

(haven't a clue what I did there!!)

Only try again when you geel your body is ready.

Thank you, I couldnt have done it without my family and boyfriend hes 25 :-).

If you need me I'm here smile

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 22:00:24

StrawbsAndCream aw thank you for your post, it has helped me so much xxx

Beardy24 Tue 23-Oct-12 22:05:32

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 I haven't told my mums side of the family, I'm not really close to them and could do without the pestering at the moment...I've been off work since last Monday and not one of my friends have called round to see me. I understand they all work and have families but they don't work weekends, any excuse not to travel 30 miles (we moved away a year ago) I'm so angry about it...

Found out this evening via my dad that his sisters daughter has miscarried today, she didn't know she was pregnant and it happened in the shower...I grew up with her I'm very upset by it, strange its happened round the same time as me too...she's the same age as me, her first pregnancy.

Glad you have lovely family around you, my dad & mother in law (to be) have been my rocks xx

MrsJohnDeere Wed 24-Oct-12 15:39:02

How are you holding up today Beardy?

I see where your coming from, the last thing you want is people asking how you are all the time makes you feel worse.

All my family new because how far gone i was my little brother aged 8 and twin brother and sister 5 have said to me everyday since i lost riley they miss him. My 8 year old brother has nightmares and crys alot about it, sometimes he errs or poos the bed. Its horrible to see how much its affected them, they have changed A LOT!

If you ever need support come on here there a lovely bunch :-). Go much some chocolate helps me haha. X

Also really sorry to her about your dads, sisters daughter its horrid sad. When I lost riley my boyfriends auntie miscarried the same day at 13 weeks due to the same thing. Make sure you both stay strong :-)

Beardy24 Wed 24-Oct-12 19:54:34

MrsJohnDeere I'm okay today thank you, will be feeling better when Friday is here, seems to be dragging...Still having occasional cramps and got a sore back but other than that...Hope your okay too xx

Beardy24 Wed 24-Oct-12 19:57:20

RileyLeeHargreaves2012 thank you, I'm eating a magnum as we speak xx

Beardy24 Thu 25-Oct-12 21:01:00

Well, it's nearly Friday...Ive given it nearly 2 weeks for the MC to happen and other than a few cramps and backache I've had nothing...I'm scared about the op but I'm hoping ill start to feel a little bit more like myself after tomorrow is over and done with...Thanks for all your support over the last couple of weeks xx

MrsJohnDeere Thu 25-Oct-12 21:28:13

Hope it goes well for you Beardy. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Fwiw, mine was 6 days ago and today, for the first time, I feel fine (well, physically, the emotional stuff is a whole different matter).

Be kind to yourself and take care.

messtins Fri 26-Oct-12 08:26:59

Thinking of you today Beardy

greengoose Fri 26-Oct-12 10:02:02

BEARDY, thinking of you today. I hope you are home by this evening being fussed over and eating something comforting! Take the time you need to recover. All the best for the future. Xxx

mumnosbest Fri 26-Oct-12 10:20:33

so sorry beardy and all the others who've been through this. i had my mmc over 5 yrs ago and whilst time really does help, reading your post makes it feel like yesterday.

at the time my worries were whether this meant i couldn't carry to term. i now have 3 dcs, sometimes babies just don't develop and its nothing to do with you. through talking to friends ive realised just how common mmc are. I also worried i was being a bit ott as it was still such early days. the thing is as soon as you know you're pg you imagine that child and your joint future so whether you were 6wks or 26wks you need to allow yourself time to grieve and spoil yourself and dp.
youre still young and dont need to worry about future plans yet.
hope the op was ok xxx

StrawbsAndCream Fri 26-Oct-12 11:48:39

Thinking of you today Beardy, hope you are feeling ok, let us know how you get on. Lots of love xxx

Beardy24 Thu 08-Nov-12 00:50:01

Hi everyone I had the op as planned, was nowhere near as bad as I thought it might be, hardly any bleeding afterwards, not too much pain and went home the same night.
Currently still spotting slightly and going back to work next Monday...on reduced hours for the first week and ease myself in gently. Can't wait to get back to normality, been a hermit for the past 4 weeks. Feeling okay about things, still getting teary out of nowhere but generally feeling better. Now I don't have sore boobs I feel so much better. Strange but true!

Looking forward to having my period and starting all over again, really hope things work out next time x thanks for your posts, haven't been on for a couple of weeks, really have had some me time x

greengoose Tue 13-Nov-12 00:18:15

Glad you are ok Beardy. I agree it helps to get back to 'normal'. I hope work is gentle for you, and things work out whatever you decide re ttc in the future. X

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