ANOTHER fb pregnancy announcement

(38 Posts)
firefli Wed 25-Apr-12 20:14:21

Thanks for sharing your scan photo. It rubbed salt in an already painful wound. You are a joyous pregnant woman, I am a saddo, wearing my pjs and drinking, while listening to the same sad song over and over again. My great grandpa will probably announce he's pregnant before I do.

Since I couldn't actually leave that as a comment on fb I just clicked like sad

The actual girl in question is perfectly nice and has every right to share her news. I just need somewhere safe to vent.

puds11 Wed 25-Apr-12 20:15:58

You can vent here hun! FB is the devils work. I'm very sorry for your loss, but i can promise you that your great grandpops won't get pregnant smile

Lynzw75 Wed 25-Apr-12 20:37:26

I know what you mean, I have pregnant friends and friends who've just had babies and I can't seem to wish them well or tell them how beautiful their newborn is because I never even had chance to announce my pregnancy. Miscarriage certainly makes you a very bitter person.

FoofFighter Wed 25-Apr-12 22:02:51

Someone put a scan pic up of their baby due the day after our's would have been due. It's not her fault but it physically hurt sad

I just said congratulations...

CleverClog Wed 25-Apr-12 22:20:51

Just found out my sister-in-law is pregnant and due in mid-October which is when I should have been due... Just to add to the other 3 of my lovely friends also due then. Life can really kick you in the teeth can't it?! There are now so many of them i think I'm starting to adjust...

I reckon it won't be long before we are all smugly rubbing our fat (and by fat I mean pregnant of course!) bellies xxx

RubyrooUK Wed 25-Apr-12 22:21:51

I think saying congratulations or "like" is the right thing to do OP. Because one day hopefully it will be you (or me) announcing some happy news.

I've had two miscarriages so far and when I did - happily - have my DS, I didn't put up any scan photos or any mention until he was born as I was too terrified. But then I wanted to share him with family and friends, so I did put up pictures.

I hope I didn't upset anyone with my photos of my newborn but hopefully if someone felt that way, they just hid my updates. Because it took me three years and horrible procedures and heartbreak to get him so I wanted to share his pictures with some people who don't live close by.

I think losing a baby is really hard and of course we are sensitive to anything about pregnancy and births because of our own situation. But you are right, this is a good place to vent about it. You can vent away here without upsetting people you like (who may in fact have experienced losses themselves). I've used Mumsnet for a fair bit of venting over the years.......

onedaysandy Thu 26-Apr-12 07:57:37

This happened to me yesterday too - a scan photo of a baby due within days of what should have been my due date. It is a very physical hurt isn't it? I envy the joyful confidence that seems to go along with making an announcement like that.

onedaysandy Thu 26-Apr-12 08:05:28

Oh and Rubyroo I'm sure we'd all share lovely newborn photos, and hopefully all will.

soveryfedup Thu 26-Apr-12 11:45:07

Ah FB is shit. I did put pics of my DS up (too many, such a twat) but in my defence I live away from my friends, family and DH's family so no bugger would have seen him grow up elsewise. I know one of my friends has de-friended me over it (have recently found out she wasn't my friend any more and that she has fertility issues... I don't think it is a coincidence).

I have a couple of friends I have recently hidden because their statuses are wildly ignorant of anyone else's feelings about their pregnancy and new parenting experiences. With my next (fingers crossed) DC I shall shut the fuck up and just text pics.

My worst feeling over this mc is over one of my closest friends who is just starting her third trimester but doesn't even parent the DS she does have - I do (to stop him bullying my DS)! What will she do with two children? I'm not jealous, just pissed off and irritated and know this is because of my mc as really, her life and children are absolutely none of my business!

harrietlichman Thu 26-Apr-12 14:03:28

it's so very hard - my SIL and my cousin are both expecting. My mum didn't know I wasn't pregnant and doesn't know I have miscarried, and she keeps ringing me with updates about SIL and DC. Everything she says is like a knife in my heart. All I can do is say 'great' and try and change the subject as subtley as possible, when what I really want to do it howl 'what about me and my baby?!?'

I've sort of had the reverse. I'm currently PG and have had people saying/implying that I'm so lucky and smug about it. What they don't know is that I've lost my last three pregnancies so am actually just extremely grateful. The judgyness hurts and makes me feel guilty for finally getting to the point where it looks like I'm actually going to get a baby out of this.

FoofFighter Thu 26-Apr-12 14:12:21

We know we are being unreasonable, KNT and it's why we're doing it in here rather than out in public. If people are doing it to your face that's plain nasty and mean sad

The friend I talked about above has had an ectopic in the past with a tube removed so I know she hasn't had it easy either. But it still doesn't stop the twangs of pain when i see what my baby should have looked like this week sad

I know - was just trying to present the other side... FWIW I have six 'red letter days' now... the dates of each of my losses and their due dates. My other 'thing' is people who have had more than one child while I've been trying to get this one. No-one's life is as easy as it looks from the outside

I'm sure that the way we can't talk about losses and/or TTC generally makes this all harder for everyone - people who don't know about your struggles assume that it is easy for you.

Hugs to you all

lola4lee Thu 26-Apr-12 16:27:16

I know what you mean I have just had another fb "we're pregnant" I always try to tell myself that they could have struggled and I don't know that it was easy, but when you're telling everyone on fb (most "friends" on fb aren't really friends are they) at 8 wks I very much doubt you have had problems.
It's not always the way but with my recent one as she was only someone I went to primary school with and haven't even emailed ever on fb I just deleted her, it was the easiest way.
x

I feel terrible now. I announced this pregnancy with scan photo on fb. I didn't mean to upset anyone, was just so happy I wanted to share confused

When I was at my 'darkest' a friend tried to hide her pregnancy from me and in many ways that felt worse. I was happy for them (but still sad for us) and I didn't begrudge them their baby I just wanted my own.

fish congratulations smile

FoofFighter Thu 26-Apr-12 16:41:31

lola you cannot possibly know that anyone announcing under 8 weeks has not had problems themselves though. I was ttc for 5yrs and have now also had a mc and I would still be telling people when I got pregnant.

Fish, don't worry about it, it is our problem to handle not yours!

Quenelle Thu 26-Apr-12 16:42:02

Same here. I would have been due soon and two of my friends, and a friend of a friend, have just had their babies. Another has just announced she's pregnant. And a neighbour is due soon too.

I knew getting through this period would be hard but it really has been tough. What makes it worse is that I was so lonely when I had DS, none of my friends had babies and I had trouble making new friends, and I was so excited that this time I would be sharing pregnancy and the newborn days with others, and the baby would have little friends to grow up alongside.

None of them knew I was pregnant and I would never tell them now, it wouldn't be fair, so I just have to be really pleased for them. And I am, I would hate for them to go through it.

Still though, would hate to cause upset. My dsis had 4 IVF rounds before getting we beautiful boy and I know the hell she went through. Am very blush

Her beautiful boy, obviously

Lynzw75 Thu 26-Apr-12 17:25:21

I can go one worse. I've just had my second scan to confirm that no products have been retained and everything has gone back to normal. I went to work following this feeling quite happy as I have avoided the D+C and can TTC once again. My boss pulled me aside when I got in and told me she was pregnant!! To be fair she was in tears telling me and felt really bad. I was really happy for her and showed that but deep down I'm really gutted and I'm trying to hold back the awful thoughts that keep slipping into my mind. I just hope I also fall pregnant soon.

Dillydollydaydream Thu 26-Apr-12 17:31:58

Hopefully there'll be good news for all of us soon.
There does seem lots of babies and pregnancy announcements at the moment, but maybe I just notice it more?
I am very pleased for my friends and I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant so they're not to know I'd be upset. It does frustrate me a bit when they post at 34 weeks saying they're fed up being pregnant and want the baby out.

So, it's not a FB announcement, but my boss has emailed my colleagues telling them erm... Exactly why I am off work. I can't work out what I think about it. Or how I face people when I go back. Sorry to hijack. Reading this thread and thinking 'ouch' just reminds me....

molly3478 Thu 26-Apr-12 18:28:01

lola - I have had 2 miscarriages but announced my pregnancies really early on. Just because they announce it early doesnt mean they havent lost babies they are probably just excited

welliesandpyjamas Thu 26-Apr-12 18:31:46

I can now talk happily with, and be happy for, a mum in DS1's class who had almost the same due date as me (next week). It took a while before I didn't just feel upset every time I saw her growing belly. But they were my issues, not hers.

And wrt FB, I haven't posted a thing about this pregnancy on there. Firstly, and mainly, because a dear friend of mine lost her one day old baby recently and it would be highly insensitive of me to go babbling on about each step of pregnancy. And secondly, because I am too flippin scared of writing anything downn in case I jinx things. But before the MC it would never have occured to me not to mention it on FB...so by that rationale I would not take other people's posts to heart.

Hebiegebies Thu 26-Apr-12 18:53:55

I can see how it's difficult for us who have not conceived again after a mc, and it's good to let rip on a safe thread like this.

For those of you who are reading this who are pregnant and are on Facebook, can I just give one plea,

Please don't have your scan picture as your profile pic?

I can click like and have a tear or two if I see your happy news, but seeing your scan every time you post about anything hurts

lola4lee Thu 26-Apr-12 21:27:21

Yes I suppose there are those people on fb that have to tell people what they are having for tea and every minute of their lives, so I suppose u have to expect those type of people to put on fb the minute they have had a positive test.
I personally wouldn't, even in my first pregnancy when I was naive and excited I didn't even put it on there when I was 12 wks and not aware what was going to happen next.
I only tell the special people in my life.

molly3478 Fri 27-Apr-12 18:17:14

I have never wrote every minute of my life on fb hmm

belfaft1981 Sun 29-Apr-12 19:45:41

So sorry for your losses. I am thankful that I was not on facebook when I had my miscarriage. However, I did post my scan picture on Facebook. It was an convenient way to announce it to lots of people. I also have family overseas so it was nice for them to see it.
Howver, I was in the awful position where literally a day after posting someone posted that it was the 2nd anniversary of their miscarriage. A week later anoither friend posted about I think the 4th anniversary of her still birth. I had no idea these friends had been through this and felt terrible.

belfaft1981 Sun 29-Apr-12 19:46:35

hebie, yes that would be really insensitive.

Countmyblessings Sat 05-May-12 09:29:04

My cousin announced her pregnancy like that on FB and I was in shock! And green as my pregnancy never got to a clear scan like that!
I have been on both sides 3 beautiful wins and 3 terrible painful losses!
2006, 2011 and 2012 still dealing with the effects of my operation and find myself in floods of tears! When the doctors asked if I had kids and I said yes they were like ahhhh well that's good! Like because I have had the pain of my losses don't matter!!!!!!!!!
The horrible reality of things going wrong took the excitement out of getting those double lines!!!! 7 weeks on its all gone!!!
Now discovered 3 pregnant women at work!!! I'm dreading going back!
The thought of it makes me sick!!!!!!!!!

wilderumpus Thu 10-May-12 14:18:54

try a 5 foot high scan photo and surprise announcement at a wedding a week after your mc, EDD two weeks before yours would have been. nearly died on the spot sad. They weren't to know though (though in hindsight the groom was so weird with me when I congratulated them I think they might have done) and were just being excited. Just makes you sad for your loss all over again.

we'll be ok though.

floatyjosmum Thu 10-May-12 14:28:02

i thought it was just me beginning to hate FB!

had a miscarriage in march and knew two people who were pregnant - completely fine with that as theyd both been through so much but since then EVERYONE is announcing theyre pregnant

wilderumpus Thu 10-May-12 14:38:55

two words: valentines day. people who concieved then are now coming out of the woodwork as they are about 14 weeks (i would have been 12 weeks so know the feb dates!) Bloody hating fb smile

Countmyblessings Thu 10-May-12 18:00:13

Happy for all when they clearly are excited!
It just hurts and is a constant reminder of what you have just lost!
It's not like we post up!" Was pregnant but after terrible cramping and bleeding and rushing to hospital, we have lost our little one!"
Little more though would be great!
I'm avoiding all group get togethers to avoid those women who are now too far to hide and a belly is forming!!!!
Sad still xx

birdofthenorth Sat 12-May-12 19:21:36

This thread is reminding me, as I sit here in the throws of probable miscarriage, that I never ever replied to the friend who emailed me a week after my first miscarriage in November to announced she was due when I would have been. She must be 8 months of now and I've just ignored it. Don't see her from one year to the next as we live apart but still really shitty of me.

literaryone Wed 28-Nov-12 14:23:17

Facebook is the devil on this front, really.

What has been hard for me is the eleven women I know who were pregnant at the same time as me and whose pregnancies have gone well -- three gave birth, two due in December, two in January, one in February and three in March. I got to be the unfortunate second trimester miscarriage statistic in this cohort. It sucks. I catch myself hating them every time they post on FB about their pregnancy woes. Three are on another forum I frequent, and they post there in much greater detail than anybody would on Facebook, so that's even worse.

And I had a minor fit last week at another pregnancy announcement.

Sometimes I'm glad I didn't post on Facebook about my pregnancy, not even after the 14th week. The stillbirth came in the 19th week. It was hard enough with all the people IRL who knew... we had announced it to people, just not on FB. And then sometimes I wish I'd announced it, though I'm not very certain why I wish that.

BadlyWrittenPoem Fri 30-Nov-12 19:49:55

Literaryone - I lost a baby at a similar stage and I understand what you mean about finding it difficult to cope with people who were pregnant at the same time as you and now have their babies. Even now when I have gone on to have another baby I still find myself thinking about other people's children relative to what mine would have been and I find their posts about those children on FB make me think of what might have been and what my family might have looked like if things were different.

I don't think timing of announcement is necessarily any indication of whether a person has had problems. If I had never had any pregnancy problems I would not announce my pregnancy (except to a small number of close friends) until around four months. However, due to problems I have during pregnancy, three of my pregnancies have been common knowledge from about five weeks and I announced my fourth (following two early miscarriages) on FB at about eleven weeks mainly because I needed to explain the lack of contact which was caused by my pregnancy illness.

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