Ectopic pregnancy support thread

(797 Posts)
tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 18-Mar-12 18:15:29

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock hmm)

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC sad.

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have wine, brew and thanks

iloveberries Sun 18-Mar-12 18:31:54

Hello tasmanian - good idea to start this thread. Thank you.

So sorry to hear about your 2 losses but comforted to have someone to talk to who will understand.

Here's me: Married to lovely DH and have 2 year old DS. TTC#2 since June 2011. Very early m/c (chemical pregnancy?) in August. Ectopic this week at 7 weeks pregnant. Tube removed. Devastated at loss of baby but, and i don't know if this makes me heartless, i am more devastated at the impact on my future fertility. I know miscarriage is horrendous but at least you are comforted by the fact it doesn't affect future fertility. (at least that's what i believe to be true??) I just feel like i've been doubly robbed. Some days I can't bear the thought of TTC again and some days I want to start TTC again as soon as possible but they've told me to wait 3 months.....

Tasmanian - You have really been through the mill haven't you with a mmc and then this? and TEN DAYS??? That is shocking? I really wanted the metho too but HCG was at 7500 so apparently too high so tube had to go. Surgeon says the other one looks good so that is some comfort. How old is your DD? We are lucky to already have one DC aren't we. I don't know how i would have got through this week without DH and DS. Do you have any RL friends who you can talk to? How is your DH coping?

Nice to 'meet' you x

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 16:37:19

hi iloveberries glad its not just me on my own here!!!

Yes I really feel like I've been through the mill, 1st day back at work and after 5 hrs I was almost asleep at my desk. Luckily I have a very understanding boss, so I went home.

I feel the same as you about future fertility - I hadn't really accepted this baby as real, so I'm not grieving like I did with the mmc. I knew as soon as I had the BFP something was very wrong. I was hoping it was a mc, can hardly believe my life had come to that - hoping for a mc!!!! I'm much more stressed about the future and it happening again. Though the surgeon said the other tube looked fine.

I also feel the same about TTC again - one moment I WANT ANOTHER BABY NOW!!! and then the next I can't bear the thought of the stress.

I'm starting to dream about it all now, for the 1st time, well remembering it anyway. I dreamt that the doctor had left a plastic bag in me after the mmc, that's why I had an ectopic!!!

Yes, my DD is a constant (well almost constant!) source of joy to me. She's 3 now. My DH is ok, coping well with work stress plus squawking grumpy wife!! My RL friends are good to talk to, but havent had an ectopic so obviously don't really understand. I also don't want to monopolise every moment with my woes, so make the effort to ask them about their life and talk about their stuff as well. Helps to get a perspective on life as well. I haven't told people at work, though they know I had surgery.

How are you doing today?

toobreathless Mon 19-Mar-12 19:52:06

Hello.

Mine was a while ago, we agreed to start TTC after DH returned from Afghanistan in 2010. We missed the first pill my pill packet & conceived. I had an ectopic at 5 weeks in June 2010 & had my left tube removed while DH was away.

I was lucky enough to conceive the month he returned & had DD in April 2011. The two due dates ended up being only three months apart. I was told that given my young age my fertility wouldn't be affected.

Hoping this brings some hope to others. We are starting to think about number two & I am a bit scared about the possibility of another ectopic & therefore infertility. This is despite being reassured that having had a 'normal' pregnancy following an EP (and no risk factors) my risk of a further EP is the same as for anyone else (1%.)

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 20:26:10

hi toobreathless, sorry to hear about your ectopic, it must have been hard with your DH away. But lovely news that you had your DD so soon after. How early was your 1st scan?

MaureenMLove Mon 19-Mar-12 20:51:35

<<Adds herself to a clique, she's wishes didn't exist>>

I'm in. I've had two. sad First one in 2001, thought it was just (ha ha) a miscarriage and almost 2 weeks later, when my HCG levels still weren't going down quick enough and numerous painful internals, they decided to do an exploratory keyhole. Sadly, they found a mass and I lost one of my tubes.

PG again, 4 months later and I had several stomach pains etc. Straight to hospital and they diagonised apendicits. After a long night in hospital, with my breathing getting worse, they did an emergency op and I lost the other tube.

Thankfully, I had already got a DD, but our dreams of 3, was not to be.

Your stories are all still so very raw, but I can tell you, it does get easier and we are a very happy threesome.smile

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 20:58:53

hi maureen thanks, that's just what I needed to hear. I wonder if I might need to accept the idea that I'll just have one child. I'll always regret it if we don't try but I know it might not work out.

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 19-Mar-12 20:59:53

Oh do any of you know why you had an ectopic? I still think why? They said both tubes looked ok. Did you have any tests for PID or chlamydia after?

MaureenMLove Mon 19-Mar-12 21:06:22

No, no explanation at all.

iloveberries Mon 19-Mar-12 21:17:16

Oh Maureen, that sucks. How shit it must have been for you to go through that twice. BUT as you say you have DD and one DC is SUCH a blessing to anyone but especially when you have been through something like this. I am a bit worried I might totally smother DS now for the rest of his life as i am ridiculously grateful for him.

Isn't it funny how you say 'just' a m/c and tasmanian was also 'hoping' for a m/c. When I was having my 2nd scan at 7 weeks the doctor said she was 'hoping' for a m/c for me and I realised I was also desperately 'hoping' for a m/c. That just goes against anything we normally feel doesn't it. I'm not taking anything away from the tragdey of m/c BTW, just that it doesn't leave you with decreased fertility.

Hi there too - sorry you have had to go through this as well but well done on your DD - coming up for one year, what a lovely age!! So you mention you're 'young' - how young is young?? I am 31 and doc told me i have plenty of time. In fact they all kept talking about "when you're pregnant next time" NOT "if you're pregnant again" - but i guess that is a psychological thing too isn't it. Is your DH still away or living back with you? TTC with someone serving must be hard.

I don't know why i had ectopic. Never had abortion, never had STDs/PID. Used to smoke occasionally so been beating myself up that maybe it was that but doc says you have to be a heavy smoker for years for that to cause it and it would have been evident in both tubes (fortunately other one looks ok) so I think I was just 'unlucky'.

Today I feel ok. I don't feel like TTC at all again. It's too scary. BUT I know I desperately want another DC and that is what i have to try to get there.

Nice to 'meet' you all

MaureenMLove Mon 19-Mar-12 21:27:28

I'm a tough old bird and I didn't dwell on what had happened for too long. I'm too much of a realist, I suppose. Had other traumatic experiences in my past, which meant I had to keep it real, iyswim.

I had a 6 year old for a start, who needed my attention! I would have loved more obviously, but there is a rather lovely calm that falls over my house, far sooner than all my friends who have 2 or more! grin

DD is 16 now and it's rather nice knowing that whatever trauma we're going through with exams or boyfriends or general teenage angst, I haven't got in the back of my mind, that I'll have to do it again with other kids! wink

That might also be my age, of course! grin

toobreathless Mon 19-Mar-12 23:47:55

Iloveberries: I am 28, had my ectopic at 26. No obvious reason, just one of those things. You are right DD is one in April & I agree it is a lovely age.

Tasman: I had scans at 5 weeks, 6 weeks and serial HCG measurements with my DD. These weren't offered as routine but I had vague pains everywhere which I am almost certain were simply anxiety. GP sent me to the EPAU though & they did the works. It was comforting at the time.

MaureemMLove; glad you have made peace with your situation. You sound like a very strong women.

toobreathless Mon 19-Mar-12 23:52:56

Oooops. Damm iPhone!

So soon Tasman, sending you strength. Hoping you are healing physically after the op & being kind to yourself. Are you back at work? Xx

iloveberries Tue 20-Mar-12 08:25:22

Just wanted to share some positive stories....

I have told my closest friends what happened to me. I wanted them to understand why i wasn't my normal self and i wanted to be able to talk about it with them. Through them I now know of 5 women who had ectopics and had tubes removed and all went on to have healthy children naturally.... oh and now i know too so that makes 6!!

Just some positivity for a tuesday morning for you xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 20-Mar-12 20:24:35

Hi everyone, iloveberries thanks for your positive stories.

Work is ok toobreathless, thanks, I'm just there in body really, not getting anything particularly useful done. My memory is terrible, and have been exhausted, but thankfully work are quite relaxed and I've been doing slightly shorter days.

maureen sorry I didn't even say sorry for your losses, just fired questions at you! I'm not really myself atm. It's really good to hear from someone further on. I'm normally quite good at picking myself up and carrying on, but I'm just so knackered, maybe it was the operation - I've not had one before.

dontlaugh Tue 20-Mar-12 22:02:22

Hi everyone,
sorry to hear all your stories, and here's mine. I have 2 dc and we ttc number 3 last year. It was "just" a miscarriage at 7 weeks, so went through that , although felt the pregnancy wasn't right from the beginning so I didn't feel the crushing loss some women feel (that sounds heartless, but I hope it comes across ok). Then conceived again nearly straight away but started bleeding again, so like some on here thought it was "just" another miscarriage. However, HCG rising and eventually EP diagnosed 7 days after initial presentation. Too late for metho, they said, so tube removed. Tasmanian I completely understand what you mean about future fertility, I could deal with the loss of the baby as I understood an ectopic can never survive but the thought that I had lost a tube that could potentially have been saved nearly sunk me. It took a huge huge amount out of me, and my DH, and if ONE MORE MEDIC told me I would probably go on to have a healthy pregnancy, I would have hurt them physically. I told them as much as well, so thankfully they stopped that nonsense. I had to deal with the loss of my pregnancy, my tube and my potential fertility, the last thing I wanted to hear was that I would get pregnant again.
I am so sorry that everyone here has gone through this, it's shit.
I am pregnant again and doing well, but I do still wish I had my 2 tubes - mainly because it transpired I didn't need to lose mine, as no rupture and low HCG levels initially meant I could have had metho but faffing around by medics meant I missed the boat. However, if this is any consolation to anyone, and it may not be, as it wasn't for me at the time, the rate of EP reoccurring after meth treatment or salpingotomy is higher than in those who have a straightforward tube removal (salpingectomy). Take comfort from that at some stage, if not right now.
There was no reason for my EP, no history of anything, so just one of those things.
I did point out to DP his sperm needed sat nav if we were to try again, although I do have a black sense of humour, especially in trying times. smile
It took me about 4 months to move out of my black mood over it all, and really I needed every day of it.

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 21-Mar-12 20:34:32

thanks dontlaugh for your story, sorry you've been through all that crap. But great news that you are pregnant now.

I did laugh when you said you said you'd hurt them physically! I feel quite bitter when I think about all those medics who told me that after the mmc - and I had a flipping ectopic!!!

I also had a lot of faffing around and could have had the metho, but it wasn't in stock and then they messed up the order, so ended up in surgery. Part of me thinks I should talk to PALS (not necessarily complain). But actually I'm glad the tube is gone, it was f**ked and liable to mess me around again.

I'm reassured to hear that you had a while feeling low about it, I keep thinking I want to be back to normal, but it's taking a while, not quite there yet. I had some acupuncture yesterday and I do feel a lot better after that - sleeping better.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 23-Mar-12 00:46:13

Hi all

It gives me some hope to hear positive stories. Here's mine (not positive yet).
I have one DS aged 4. When DS was 2, I had a severely abnormal smear test. After the loop biopsy, I had to have 6 monthly smears for a year, then yearly. I wanted to wait for the first yearly smear to be ok before TTC again. Last July it was clear, so I came off the pill.

By the beginning of Dec 2011 I was 7wks pregnant smile then unfortunately I woke one morning with severe left lower abdo pain, I went to my local hospital, had an emergency transfer by ambulance to the "big" hospital 45 miles from my home. I'd had a ruptured EP with internal bleeding, had emergency surgery to remove my tube. It was rather traumatic and rather painful.

Anyway beginning of March 2012 I had a mildly positive pregnancy test, I didn't feel pregnant, so I wasn't optimistic plus very worried in case it was another EP. Unfortunately at 5 wks I bled heavily, my GP suspected a miscarriage and I've just had the scan and blood tests to confirm I'm not pregnant sad

The thing is, I'm 39 now so am very aware my fertility is waning, and I've only got one tube. Don't get me wrong, I'm very lucky to have a wonderful DH, DS and good friends etc. I'm also lucky to be alive 'cos I could have died after EP.

The only way I can deal with this is to keep "looking on the bright side" and by trying to find new hobbies to take my mind off things.

I've decided to carry on TTC for another few months, then stop. My DS is more and more independent and I ask myself if I want to carry on TTC into my 40's then have a big age gap between kids? I also don't think I could go on having disappointment and upset for years, 'cos every month my hopes are raised only for me to be disappointed.

Keep your fingers crossed, sorry it's so long!

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 23-Mar-12 20:11:55

hi tired, sorry you've had such a rough time. I can sympathise with your situation, I'm also about that age. I am trying to accustom myself to the idea DD might be an only child, but I can't give up hope just yet. Take care x

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 23-Mar-12 22:12:39

Tasmanian I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I think if you can accustom yourself to DD being an only child while keeping TTC, if you do have a BFP and pregnancy it's a bonus. Good luck x

joby21 Tue 27-Mar-12 22:51:48

hey. am coming to this a wee bit late. I had my first pregnancy just before christmas. This sadly turned out to be an ectopic. I was 6weeks pregnant and ended up in emergency surgery at 11pm as they thought it was rupturing. However i was actually miscarrying out the end of my tube. I had my right tube removed which was all a bit weird! The docs said my tube was stuck behind my uterus but could not say if that is what caused the ectopic or if the fact it was ectopic caused it to be stuck, if that makes sense.

I ended up having 5 weeks iff work. Physically i could probably have gine back after 3 weeks but mentally i could not even think about it.

We are now semi ttc, in much the same laid back manner as we did for the ectopic! However i am alternating between terror at the thought if being pregnant, desperation to be pregnant and relief that i'm not pregnant!

iloveberries Wed 28-Mar-12 07:23:18

Hi Ladies,

don't laugh - congratulations on your pregnancy - i am happy to hear that you have got there despite going through everything you went through.

tired - Sorry to hear you have also been through the double blow of mc and Ectopic. Life is cruel sometimes isn't it. I can also empathise with your and tasmanian's concerns about an only child. There are many positives but I desperately want a sibling for my DS. BUT - Thank god we all have one DC. That is something to be really grateful for.

joby - so sorry to hear about your ectopic too. How are you doing now? I can totally understand your TTC feelings, I am feeling the same and we're not even trying as i haven't had a period yet.

How long did you ladies take to have your 1st period after tube removal? I never thought i would be desperate for my period to come. I'm covered in spots and having some CM which i usually have before period (sorry if TMI, CM chat seems fair game on Mumsnet!) so I'm hoping it comes soon so at least I know things are getting back to working...

Thinking of you all. It f***ing sucks doesn't it.....

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 28-Mar-12 19:12:18

yes it does f**king suck! You're absolutely right!

Hi joby, thanks for popping in! 5 weeks off work sounds very sensible, I was in work today, but ended up sobbing on a very kind colleague's shoulder. Not my normal style at all, I normally hold it together. The ectopic was the big blob of shit on a really shitty year. And last night I had a very upsetting altercation with a close family member, it was really not what I need right now. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and shut out the world and hope it all goes away.

I totally understand about alternating between terror, desperation and relief! Though my first AF after ectopic hasn't yet arrived, I think I ovulated at the w/e so it should be here in about a week. That will make it about 6 wks.

Hope you're all enjoying some sunshine, I'm heading off to make a very large G&T (heavy on the G!)

joby21 Thu 29-Mar-12 14:16:31

Tas, i think a large G n T sounds like an excellent plan! Hope that helped make the shitty day slightly less shitty.

I had my first AF about 4 weeks post surgery and have been pretty regular since then.

I definitely needed the 5 weeks off. Work were good to me. I worked reduced hours for a couple of weeks and my managers made sure i didn't have to do anything too stressful! I still had a lot of wobbly moments but managed to survive. And actually think it was good for me to get back to work as i was starting to just sit and dwell on it all so being back at work and being busy distracted me and helped get me out of the dwelling cycle i'd got in to.

Hope that makes sense, am post night shift so brain a bit mushy!!

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 29-Mar-12 20:17:18

Yes, I know what you mean about work helping, I feel the most normal at work usually, think it's the distraction. Such a bummer today, not feeling well, nauseous and like I've got a virus coming. Beautiful day and had to stay inside for most of it. Feel like DD has been watching a lot of CBeebies lately blush

RancerDoo Thu 29-Mar-12 20:36:51

Hi all, i wanted to add a positive story for those of you fretting about future fertility.

I had two ectopics in a six month period a few years ago. The first was treated with methotrexate, which left me with a damaged tube and then i had the second one on the same side. The second time i had the surgery, and about four months after that had a normal pregnancy. What a relief! I have read that about 30 percent of the time tubes pick up eggs from the opposite ovary, and that is certainly what happened to me. DD2 came from my right ovary and was picked up by my left tube. Interestingly, my second ectopic came from my left ovary but was picked up by my dodgy tube. So it seems a lot of swapping goes on, which is why the loss of one tube is not always as catastrophic as it can feel.

Someone asked about chlamydia. I have since had a blood test for chlamydia antibodies (negative) and my surgeon said i had no signs of PID. Relevant risk factors for me were that i have smoked in the past and that i have had abdominal surgery (a previous c section) but actually i suspect that maybe it happened because i am in my 30s and my tubes are a bit weary! I guess it only takes one little bit of the tube getting a bit damaged for this to happen. Just nature not being perfect.

I know it is horribly hard, and such a mix of emotions. I veered wildly from relief that i was alive, to being furious, to being disappointed, to sobbing at my desk. I think i must have read a huge proportion of the info on the net (mostly when i should have been working - whoops!) which shows how bloody obsessed i was. And when a good friend told me she was pregant i burst into tears, to my eternal shame. But it does get better, its just one hell of a shock. Hugs to all of you who are going through this. And i have my fingers crossed for those of you who are ttc.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 30-Mar-12 10:37:40

Thanks rancerdoo I really needed a positive thought today. I'm in no state to TTC but hopefully that will change. I think I'll always regret it if I don't even try (when I'm ready)

iloveberries Fri 30-Mar-12 19:37:57

Thanks ranceroo I also needed a positive story. Thanks for sharing. I feel in my heart I will have another baby, or maybe 2 if i am really lucky, but it just all seems so far away and deep down I am so scared. Poor you having 2 ectopics, but hey - they got rid of that crappy tube and it seemed to work after that! How old is your DC?

I had a friend over today who is going to start TTC for #3 but is waiting a couple of months because she "really doesn't want a december baby". I sat through gritted teeth (she knows whats happened with me so i thought it was a bit insensitive to say that.)

Tas - are you ok? Well, of course you're not ok - silly thing of me to ask... but how are you feeling about things?

I feel ok when i am in my own home with DH and DS but whenever I'm out there are (of course) loads of mums with toddlers and babies or toddler and bumps and i went to the park yesterday and 2 strangers asked me "when are you going to have another one"? I know they're just making swingside chat but i just wanted to say "When my f***ing body stops letting me down".

Rant over - sorry....

Hope you're all having a glass of something nice tonight! x

joby21 Sat 31-Mar-12 06:56:39

berries, i know what you mean about other people! At work loads of people are pregnant, inckuding 2 who started ttc about the same time as we did. I am frequently being asked when am i having babies and then have to explain that'll happen once i'm over tge ectopic. Cue embarassed silence!

It does get easier though, ican now answer that question without crying!!

gomurray Mon 02-Apr-12 21:11:01

Ladies, so sorry for your sad losses and indeed the double blow of reduced fertility for some of you.

I have not had an EP but would like some advice if possible. I had a MMC in Dec at 20 weeks (had to deliver baby which was dreadful), so I can empathise with your losses. My body has finally started 'working' again and am in a bit of a panic as had brown watery blood today - I am only 6dpo and have no idea whether it is possible for EP symptoms to start this early ? I have read on the ectopic.org.uk site that signs can present themselves from 4 weeks onwards so am wondering if I am worrying over nothing. Do you know whether the bleeding would continue if it were an EP as it appears to have stopped now. I had implantation bleeding with my previous 2 PGs but after 9dpo and not as brown IYKWIM. Hope someone can help as am worrying myself sick.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 03-Apr-12 11:00:16

hi gomurray so sorry about your late MMC. I don't know about your bleeding, I had some bleeding around the time my period was due. I imagine your body is still getting back to normal. I would test around the time your AF is due, and if it's positive, you could get an early scan (they can scan when your HCG levels are around 1500). Statistically speaking it's very unlikely to be an EP, around 1%, but I know you won't be feeling very lucky right now. I think being pg or even TTC must be very stressful after your experience. Take care x

berries thanks, I'm still up and down, but just can't shake this horrible virus, which is really wearing me down. DH has booked a last minute holiday over Easter, which I hope will give us all a rest. I can totally empathise with being ok at home but finding it hard out and about - there are flipping babies and pg women everywhere!!!! I keep seeing heavily pg women smoking, usually around my house, and I just feel sick when I see them sad, especially as I'd have a lovely bump like theirs if I hadn't had the MMC. I'm also surprised your friend could say that about TTC#3, though she probably didn't mean to be so insensitive, she just doesn't get it. People just don't think.

joby I love you're so honest at work, I think people will only stop saying annoying things when they get some immediate feedback!

Ninjacat Tue 03-Apr-12 17:06:05

Looks like I have joined your camp.
Can I just curl up in the corner and cry for a bit?
Laperoscopy (sp?) on Saturday.
Something removed from left tube but tube saved.
Feel awful.
Could really do with a helping hand.
Can't stop crying and the shoulder pain just wont budge.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 03-Apr-12 17:17:53

oh my love, yes curl up, have a wine or brew. It's very good and normal to cry, it's a truly awful experience.

I had the shoulder pain afterwards as well, my surgeon or nurse (all a bit hazy) said it was the diaphragm being irritated and it passed in a couple of days. If it isn't getting better in a day or two, I'd get it checked out, if only for your peace of mind.

It does get better, but you need lots of time. My one thing I'd do differently is eat really well, as my immune system has really taken a beating with all the stress. Get someone to bring you lots of lovely, healthy food. Do you have anyone to look after you?

Ninjacat Tue 03-Apr-12 17:24:54

Thank you Tasmania.
My inlaws are here looking after the ds's and a friend is coming to cook tonight.
I'm just in shock I think.
Sorry that you have had to go through this too but it does help me to know you do come out the other side.

gomurray Tue 03-Apr-12 20:36:02

tasmanian thank you so much for your response. I am calmer today as bleeding has stopped. Am just going to wait and test at the weekend. I may call MW if I get BFP and explain my concerns but I'm pretty sure I'll be fobbed off.

Good luck to you all with your recovery. I can assure you that the pain gets easier with time xx

joby21 Wed 04-Apr-12 08:00:17

Ninja, sorry to hear your news. Hope you are being kind to yourself. Have you tried peppermint water for the shoulder pain? That can sometimes really help. It is normal to feel emotional. I am 3 months post surgery and i can promise it does get easier. If you work, don't be tempted to go back early, take painkillers as you need them and get other people to look after you. Don't be embarassed to ask for help.

Tas, i just felt being open about stuff was tge right thing for me. Lots of people knew we were trying, also they were wondering where i'd been for 5 weeks! I decided i had nothing to ashamed or embarrassed about, so why not tell people! It's actually been good as i've had lots of positive stories and have been surprised bu the number of people who've had an ectopic. It also means people have had a chance to ask all those daft questions that they've always wondered about!

nextphase Wed 04-Apr-12 08:36:05

Ladies,
I'm so sorry you have all been through the torture which is an EP.
Just one more positive story for you.
My first pregnancy was ectopic, and resulted in my left tube being removed.
Since then I have had 2 successful pregnancy's, both conceived within 2 cycles.
Wishing you all the best with your recoveries and TTC journeys

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 04-Apr-12 16:27:52

Thanks nextphase, it's lovely to hear your story.

I think you're right joby, I've never met anyone who's had an ectopic, but if people don't talk about it, then how would you ever know?

I'm feeling very run down, but I realised today I haven't cried much lately, I think I'm slowly moving on.

joby21 Wed 04-Apr-12 16:35:50

Sorry to hear you're feeling run down but good to hear you feel like you're moving on! Just to warn you to still be kind to yourself. I ended up having another melt down about 2 months post op, which actually coincided with me about to get my period!

There have been lots of people at work who have had an ectopic or know someone who has! All the stories are "I had an ectopic and now i've got 2 children"!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 04-Apr-12 23:20:33

Tasmanian I hope you're enjoying your Easter break smile and hope you feel better soon x

Ninja The pain should ease in a few days (it is caused by the diaphragm being irritated), painkillers and positioning cushions and pillows worked for me. Try to put yourself first, if you can get time on your own that can help too. I had people around me for the first week and was trying to "get back to normal" the week after. It was after about two weeks that emotionally it hit me, causing me to spend a few days in floods of tears. Fortunately I have a good GP, who'd signed me off work for 6 weeks.

Gomurray Fingers crossed for you x

Joby I also get a bit fed up with people asking me if I'll have anymore kids, "cos did you know, so and so's pregnant?" Which, TBH I am pleased for them but I still find upsetting to have it in my face-does this sound really envy? So yes, I also tell them that I would have had more kids if it hadn't been for a pre-cancerous scare, EP or miscarriage. It tends to get the coffee room gossip changed...

Iloveberries I think it was about 4 wks when everything returned to normal, but everyone's different, some people it's 6 wks.

Here's to us all wine or brew and thanks for listening and all the stories of hope. Have a happy Easter smile

Ninjacat Thu 05-Apr-12 10:47:59

Thank you for your support and advice.
I'm feeling a little less sorry for myself today having returned from EPC.
Got my blood tests back from monday and they are 42!
Another test today but really hope that's it now.

iloveberries Sun 08-Apr-12 19:24:45

Hi Ladies, especially hello to the 'new' posters. Crap that you had to find yourself on this board but hope that it's a good place to vent.

Tas how's that virus coming along? I have also seen 2 heavily pregnant women smoking this week. I wanted to punch them both in the face. Selfish fu**ing cows who don't know how lucky they are. It's really hard not to imagine 'what if?' isn't it... i would be just coming up to my scan if i hadn't had the EP sad

Ninja sad to see your post. How are you getting on? I don't have any advice on the shoulder pain. The 'good' (crap choice of word i know as nothing is good right now) news is that you had your tube saved. Did the surgeon let you know what condition it is in. Hope you have lots of support from DP and family.

gomurray - Sorry to hear you are having a worrying time. I am afraid i have no advice as i had no bleeding. If you can afford £50 for a private scan it would be worth it to put your mind at rest i think?

nextphase - THANK YOU. Stories like yours really keep me going.

joby and tired - how are you both doing?

Things here are okay i suppose. I feel ok about what happened as (and i hope this doesn't sound awful) statistically i knew at some point in my baby-making-days it was likely i would lose a pregnancy. I just feel gutted about that f'ing tube!!!! and so worried about DS being an only as i feel very strongly that i don't want that. I want to start TTC again as soon as I am allowed as it took me a while to fall last time (2 periods/3months to wait i was told) but I am still waiting for my first period to arrive. It's 4 weeks today since surgery and I had bad stomach cramps this week so i was hoping AF would arrive this week. (There's a sentence I've not said since I was about 20!!) But nothing. I just want to know i am 'working' again sad

DH has 'forgotten' about it whereas I can't. Every time i pee i see that stupid scar and every time i see a baby i'm reminded i may never hold my own baby. I am so lucky to have my lovely DS but I can't stop wishing I was 11 weeks pregnant instead of 0 weeks pregnant, not allowed to start TTC yet and one tube down.

Chocolate eggs might help dull the pain!

joby21 Sun 08-Apr-12 22:23:39

Berries, chocolate eggs are definitely the way forward!

I am now 3 1/2 months post surgery. I too was resigned to losing a pregnancy, never thought it would be my first pregnancy or i'd end in emergency surgery having a tube removed!

I am also sure your dh hasn't forgotten. After about 4 weeks my dh wasn't talking about it all and actually it's only in the last week or so i told him about waking up in recivery and traumas i had with my drip. I think he found it quite hard to know what to say and also i think he was worried about upsetting me by bringing everything up again (although, like you, i was pretty much thinking about it all constantly anyway!

You are only 4 weeks post op. It"s not very long at all so keep looking after yourself!

Anyway, i am not doing too bad at the mo. i am still getting pain which i m a wee bit concerned about so am thinking once the bank hol and my night shifts next week are over and done with i m going to have to get it sorted. I'm also much more dizzy and light headed since having the op so a bit worried i maybe anaemic, either that or the ep has turned me into a complete hypochondriac which is indeed an option!

Hope you are all feeling a bit lesd rubbish and are being looked after x

iloveberries Mon 09-Apr-12 06:37:37

No - he had actually forgotten!! He kept buggering off to do DIY leaving me sitting alone and I had to tell him I needed him to be with me and DS and it had only been a few weeks, I was still hurting and just wanted some quality family time. He was really apologetic and nice about it all, said he hadn't realised I was still hurting and he had forgotten about it all. I suppose because I don't walk around crying the whole time he thought i had too.....

joby - how long was it before you got your AF after surgery? (if you can remember?)

joby21 Mon 09-Apr-12 09:24:47

oh! that is different then!

My AF came about 4 weeks post op and have been like clockwork since! I was only 6 weeks pregnant though, if that makes any difference!

Ninjacat Mon 09-Apr-12 11:56:41

Hello.

I have been discharged from EPU. Bloods were down to 11 on Thursday.

AB's for wound as I was stupid and put anti septic on it but didn't read the label first - NEVER USE UNDILUTED blush

Apparently it makes no difference to your fertility if you keep your tube, lose your tube or have the drugs according to the mw that saw me (i'm sure you have all heard it before but just in case it makes anyone feel better I thought I'd repeat it)

I go back to work tomorrow. Very scared but probably better than the hypochondria that takes over if I let myself dwell on what's happened.

I agree that I was resolved about having "just" a mc as it was so early and I could think of it as a late period but feel quite floored that my body let me down and too terrified to think of trying again (yes one week after op is prob not even the time to worry about such things) in case it should happen again.

Hope the choc eggs are still doing the trick.

messalina Wed 11-Apr-12 15:32:48

I do think going back to work after an EP is a wonderful tonic. Mine ruptured a 8 weeks and I needed emergency surgery to remove it and the tube. But I was back at work after 48 hours and just being back to normal made me forget about it. That and a few large glasses of wine! But maybe I was far too cavalier about it. I just know I hated being in hospital and being treated like an invalid. Being at home not working just made me bored and irritable. I was quite annoyed when I went on the EP trust website (to check a statistic) and read that I might need six weeks off work and that it might take months to recover emotionally. That actually made me feel worse. I wondered whether I was weird to feel no emotional distress.

messalina Wed 11-Apr-12 15:36:31

I guess it makes a massive difference a) how old one is b) whether one has a DC already c) how long one has beeing TTC d) how fertile you perceive yourself to be d) how much you wanted the baby. Perhaps I felt fine about it because I had been unsure about having another DC in the first place and also knew that I had high fertility level. I actually remember thinking when I first realised something was wrong that I would far rather lose the pregnancy than for 2 friends to lose theirs (not sure I really believe in God but remember silently wishing that if someone had to lose their pregnancy that it were me and not 2 other people). And that was because I knew they would find their loss incredibly painful. I knew I wouldn't.

joby21 Thu 12-Apr-12 07:49:41

I know there was no way i could have gone back to work at 48hrs. I still felt like shit, was in a lot of pain and struggled to stand up! My job is also quite physical and involves long shifts.

I think it is definitely an individual thing and what works for 1 person may not work for the next person.

For me, 5 weeks off was perfect. Any less i woulfn't have coped, any more i would have gone crazy!

The ectopic trust website is a useful site, but i agree about it can make you feel weurd gor not being emotiinal enough. I was gutted that my furst pregnancy ended with emergency surgery in the middle of the night but actually it wasn't a huge surprise. I knew something wasn't right so was resigned to that pregnancy not working out. I can imagine it might hit you harder if it's a total bolt from the blue....

tiredandiwanttogotobed Thu 12-Apr-12 23:56:19

I agree with Joby that everyone's different and I also have a very physically and emotionally demanding job with long shifts; I wouldn't have been safe being back at work too soon.

iloveberries thanks for asking, I'm ok.

However....I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Not a BFP like when I had my DS, very worryingly it was only a faint positive (like the one I had before my EP and before my miscarriage) so I'm not excited yet. I'll be doing another test in a few days hopefully it'll be a definate positive-it might put my mind at ease, 'cos every twinge and ache I'm thinking "is it another EP or miscarriage?" confused

Anyway, I'm off on holiday tomorrow so hopefully can forget about it all for a week... watch this space...

iloveberries Sun 15-Apr-12 08:28:43

Tired - congratulations on finding out you are pregnant again. That is exciting (though of course I can see why you are so worried). Have you done another test yet? I will be thinking of you and hoping it is a NON eventful pregnancy. Keep us posted.

I am having a bit of a down few days. I had been doing quite well. It's 5 weeks today since i had the op and I've been back at work 2 weeks which is actually a welcome distraction. I haven't had my period yet so of course am worried that this means something else is wrong. I had also got my head into a positive space of "I'll have another baby, it's just a matter of time" but now i don't feel like that. I just feel really sad. When I had DS i made friends which 5 other women and we all started TTC number 2 around the same time. Now 3 of them have had their DC2s and the other 2 are due in May and July and I just feel a horrible feeling that they have succeeded and I have failed. and because stupid AF hasn't arrived yet I can't even try again. I know it's not a contest but seeing them all is just a constant painful reminder that it hasn't happened for us.

Sorry for the rant, I try talking to DH and he is lovely about it but I know he finds it hard hearing/seeing me upset and he's so positive he just tells me everything will be fine.

It would have been my scan this week so i feel sad that instead of telling people my good news I am just no further on this crap TTC journey, infact i am now in a worse position as i only have one tube sad

It totally sucks

joby21 Tue 17-Apr-12 10:47:10

tired Congratulations on the bfp. Keeping fingers crossed for a smooth and trouble free pregnancy for you.

berries Sorry to hear you're having a low time. My last major meltdown coincided with my period arriving so fingers crossed yours is just round the corner!

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 18-Apr-12 21:58:48

tired congrats on the BFP, hope all is going well.

I've been on holiday this Easter, which has been a great tonic, I've finally kicked the nasty bug I couldn't shift and I feel pretty much back to normal.

berries I know what you mean about all your friends having DC2, most of mine do. I think there will ups and downs, being aware of that seems to make the down bit easier. Hope you're feeling better now. I would agree with joby, I think PMT can be quite rubbish after EP/MC, mine was.

In about 6 wks, it'll be my due date for the MMC, I so wanted to be pg for then, but sadly that's unlikely now. I think we'll TTC but with no expectations, treat it as if DD will be an only child. I'm a little bit more accepting of that idea now.

iloveberries Thu 19-Apr-12 09:08:43

well AF arrived this morning... bizarre feeling to be pleased about it after spending the last year TTC.

Milestones are horrible aren't they tas. A work friend announced her pregnancy yesterday and of course her due date is just when mine would have been. I just felt happy for her though and then when she told me it had been a long time coming and they'd wondered if it would ever happen it made me realise that SOOOOO many people go through ups and downs TTC.

How is everyone else doing? Hope you're ok tired

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 22-Apr-12 21:11:47

Thanks for your concern berries, joby and tas. Everything's not going to plan...did another test last Tues and it was a definate BFP, however that night began to bleed on and off for 3 out of 4 days after. Got a scan next Wednesday but not optimistic. I'm now feeling very p!$$ed off and angry-why me?!

berries Stay strong, it is only 7 weeks since your EP, the emotions about your EP will get easier...

tas glad you're feeling better, I'm also beginning to feel that DS will be an only child.

In 3 months the EP baby would have been due, not sure how I feel but am definately feeling awkward around colleagues who are due at that time...

joby21 Mon 23-Apr-12 12:24:15

oh bugger tired so sorry to hear about the bleeding. Keeping everything crossed that this pregnancy is a sticky one.

My ep would have been due in august. I have a couple of friends due at the same time and am actually ok with them. I think.because i had symptoms if an ectopic from very early on so knew that pregnancy would never be viable so.never really thought about it having a due date, if that makes sense. However, i have 2 friends who started ttc at the same time as i did and they are both pregnant and i do find it a bit hard chatting to them.

Hope everyone is surviving and looking after themselves xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 23-Apr-12 20:16:42

tired fingers crossed, apparently bleeding in early pg is so common but you can't help but worry. Hope the scan brings good news (is that in 2 days time or next week?)

Did anyone else freak out a bit when actually starting to have sex after the ectopic? I had a hard time blocking out crazy thoughts - this could kill you, you could have another ectopic etc etc. I do want to have another baby, but after the MMC I don't trust that my hormones will support another pg, even if it ends up in the right place.

joby21 Mon 23-Apr-12 20:23:58

yep. was a complete mess the first time we had sex post ectopic! It does get easier to block out the crazy stuff!

iloveberries Mon 23-Apr-12 20:59:46

fucking hell.... EPs, MMCs, MCs, Chemicals..... it's a bloody minefield trying to have a baby isn't it and totally horrible that bad things happen to so many women.

sorry - just my observation from this thread. You all seem like such nice people, why did this happen to us all? I know, you can't think like that but it is hard isn't it.

tired - COMPLETELY understand why you're freaking out but as the others have said early bleeding happens to 1/3rd of women who take babies home at the end of their pregnancies so keeping everything crossed for you. keep us posted. You are very brave to keep going smile

Rough time here - cousin announced pregnancy at the weekend and of course she's due same time i would have been (I'm at the announcing time for october babies so hopefully that's it now???) Fortunatey she texted so i was able to reply back appropriately excitedly whilst sobbing my heart out. Obviously delighted for her but just hard as we're close so i'll be seeing lots of her, sharing milestones etc and i know it will be tough as i'll be thinking "I should be having my 20 week scan", "i should be having my baby" etc etc... how can i snap out of that???

Then of course I logged onto Facebook this morning to be greeted by yet another scan picture of another friend's 2nd baby... again delighted but seeing it was like taking a bullet sad

And to round off the day I got a picture message of a friend's 2nd baby who arrived today. Her and I had our DC1s together and started TTC #2 at the same time.

How I am still sober after all this i do not know.

Went to doc this morning to talk about a few things and told her about the EP (new doc as i moved house recently). When I told her i wanted another baby but they'd taken my tube she did a sharp intake of breath and a face as if to say "good luck with that".... oh ggrgrrrrrr, why is it so bloody difficult????

Rant over but just wanted to talk to someone.....

tiredandiwanttogotobed Mon 23-Apr-12 23:13:05

Hi folks

Thanks for looking on the bright side for me, my scan is this Wednesday after my night shift on Tuesday. I'll be so tired that I'll be crying either way!

Tas and Joby I didn't really get too panicky when I started TTC post EP (but I could be classed as one of life's risk takers 'cos I ride motorbikes and have tattoos!) but the EP definately changed my attitude as to what and who is important in my life, my "career" is now just a job and time with family and friends is a priority.

Berries I know exactly how you feel, I'd rather see PG announcements on Facebook 'cos at least then I haven't got to blink away tears and force a smileenvy.

I think some GP's are very insensitive to things like this; I had a locum tell me "PG? What do you want to have another one of those?!" and my GP (when I was trying to get an early scan) say "I completely understand your anxieties..." I felt like shouting "Well stop reciting the GP's communication skills handbook and start bloody listening, then!!!!?"angry

Thanks for listening...my hubby's very caring in a blokey-want-to-fix-it-practical kind of way but he's not good with hormonal/tearful/emotional/worrying ladies so he struggles to understand how I feel.

Chat soon thanks

iloveberries Tue 24-Apr-12 07:54:03

tired - it sounds like our DHs are the same. They want to help but they just aren't wired in the same way as us are they!

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and praying for your healthy pregnancy. (I'm not really religious but i do have a word with anyone who might be listening these days!)

My attitude has changed too. I think that's the only positive to come out of my EP. I feel I 'get' more what is important and what will make me happy and that is DH and DS. Even contemplating becoming a stay at home mum now which was unheard of for me before now!!

Good luck tomorrow tired

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 24-Apr-12 20:34:03

berries I don't know how we 'just snap out of it' when seeing scan photos/hearing people announce their pregnancy.

I still feel a bit bitter when I see bumps around the 8mth mark, as that's where I'd be without the MMC. I remember showing my scan photo for DD at work in naive enthusiasm, and one colleague's face crumpling a bit. I thought later, shit she's got adopted children, she must have had her own journey with all this crap. I think it just takes time. I already feel better than I did before. I can talk about it now without crying.

Stunned at your GP's reaction to TTC, stupid cow.

tired good luck with the scan, hope it all goes well. Keep us posted.

I was already very clear on what is important in my life before the EP. I have always put family and friends before work. It's just a job, a job I like a lot, but still a job. Not sure what the EP has contributed to my life, an awareness that life is very shit sometimes, but you just carry on. No, wait I knew that one already! Maybe that life is just random. No, knew that one already. Sigh. I'll let you know when I realise what it is!

iloveberries Tue 24-Apr-12 20:56:16

yes, I was pretty ignorant about how hard it can be for people to have kids.... i mean i knew it didn't come easy to everyone but i don't think i really appreciated the emotions. I know I am more empathetic now and when (i am being positive) baby #2 comes there will be no loud FB announcements, no posting of scan picture and no ranting and raving about how hideous morning sickness is.

tired thinking of you and your scan tomorrow.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 25-Apr-12 16:47:44

Miscarried.

sad

Got an appointment with consultant who specialises in early miscarriages. Asked (the very kind) nurse specialist "why?" and she said "unfortunately it's probably your age"

Bugger.

Will send DH out to buy wine and lots of it...!

Losingitall Wed 25-Apr-12 16:51:02

Hi all.

Anyone had a cervical ectopic? Never found anyone yet that did. Mine was some years ago but would love to chat to someone who went through the same thing.
X

TwoIfBySea Wed 25-Apr-12 17:09:50

I had mine Feb 8th 1999 and still think about it now. Started bleeding (no pain) on Friday, went to A&E which was full of drunk people and me sitting crying. As I couldn't get a scan until the Monday hmm I spent all weekend upset, (now ex) h went off with his friends but I stayed at home.

Monday came, scan done and by Tuesday lunchtime I was no longer an expectant mother. When they went in it had just burst apparently so it was lucky timing it happened then and not over the weekend. I felt awful and worse when, as I was having a little cry in bed afterward, the ward sister came up and gave me a row saying if I was in pain I should say something! I wasn't bothered about the pain, this was a pain I couldn't medicate.

Luckily, despite the sister and staff nurses being less than understanding the auxilliary nurses were as was one of the young doctors. I was told later that, although I was 27 I had as much chance of getting pregnant as a 40 year old so would need help to conceive. I decided not to yet in December 2001 I had my naturally conceived twins so two fingers up to them!

I was offered no counselling as "at least it wasn't a miscarriage". I still, even now, feel anger and sorrow at the loss of a much wanted baby.

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 25-Apr-12 17:45:34

oh tired that is shit. So sorry sad. People of all ages have miscarriages, I hate it when they say things like that. Definitely time for wine and blue cheese. This probably isn't very helpful but are they definitely sure? If you were about ?6wks, can they see much anyway? Or are they going by blood tests?

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 25-Apr-12 17:51:37

actually berries that is a very good point, I have learnt that not everyone who can't have a baby wants your scan pic waved around the office. I will DEFINITELY be a lot more sensitive to announcing if I'm lucky enough to have another baby.

hi losing hope someone comes along who's had one, (I'm assuming you've been on EPT website).

two congrats on your twins, what lovely luck! Medical staff can say such crappy things, I think being treated so shabbily contributes considerably to how well we recover and deal with these awful experiences. I'm not surprised you still remember it with anger and sorrow. I'll never forget these last 6 mths.

iloveberries Wed 25-Apr-12 19:13:15

Oh tired i am so sorry.

totally shit.

there is nothing else to say is there?

thinking of you thanks

Come here to rant, chat, moan and tell the truth whenever you feel like it. It sucks. I am gutted for you. Hope your DH and DS can provide you with lots of love.

sorry losing - that's one i haven't heard of! Feel free to join us here if you'd like though??

two agree that it's not something you forget. I winced yesterday at a toddler group when i heard someone call their son the name i had earmarked for the DS I was carrying (convinced it was a DS!) It is really hard.

Feeling a bit more positive here today.... I was thinking stats and if the stats which I've been told and googled myself are to be believed then 65% of women have a healthy pregnancy within a year of ectopic. I was comparing that against 100% but then of course 100% of women with 2 tubes don't conceive within the year, 85% actually.... so really the odds aren't that drastically reduced... well that's what I am telling myself anyway!!

I lost track on this thread - is anyone TTC again yet?

tired - again i am so sorry for the loss. Hope you have people you can talk to but if not we are here xx

joby21 Wed 25-Apr-12 20:57:24

tired so sorry to hear your news. Hope you are being looked after xx

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 25-Apr-12 21:38:55

Cheers folks. Luckily I've had lots of kind words from friends, family and you guys which has helped. Even DH has given me a hug!

I have managed to stay off the wine but am looking forward to some nice gooey camembert..!

Losing What happened to you with your cervical ectopic? Have you managed to have kids since?

Two I'm glad you had a positive outcome smile I'd like to think that the attitude of healthcare staff has improved but as you prove, all it takes is one thoughtless comment to make the pain worse...

Tas I had a blood test my hcg has come back as 6 (less than 5 is negative) which considering I had a BFP last week means I'm not PG and looking on the bright side also means not an EP.

Berries I think I'll continue TTC for a while, but haven't properly discussed this with DH yet, although he has agreed to come to the hospital appt with me...

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 27-Apr-12 13:26:15

Ah yes tired that's pretty conclusive. Hope you're feeling ok today.

I'm feeling rubbish today - I went to soft play with DD and was surrounded, literally surrounded by women with bumps. It was like a horror film, you look one way - bump! - quickly look the other way - more bumps! - look away but yes - more bumps in that direction too! It's just a few weeks til the due date for my MMC and I am starting to realise I could have had a new born baby in my arms around now sad. I never really thought of the EP as a baby (didn't dare to hope too much after the MMC).

Hope everyone else is having a better day. x

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 27-Apr-12 23:03:19

Thanks Tas I'm not too bad today, planning on going to work as normal tomorrow, it helps to keep my mind off things if I'm busy. Yes it's not just bumps everywhere you go but in every newspaper/tv programme etc too!

I know it's stupid but does anyone else sometimes think "What have I done to deserve this?" or "What am I doing wrong with my DS that means I don't deserve another DC?" or "Am I a bad person and that's why I'm not allowed more kids?" I know it's probably all part of the greiving process but sometimes I think I'm going mad thinking it... sad

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 28-Apr-12 10:34:28

tired YES all the time, I see people with more than one child and think "why not me?". It's just the random nature of life though. And in my case my DH making us wait to TTC #1 and then wait again to TTC#2. Can you tell I'm feeling a bit bitter today?! I try and turn the thought round to 'thank god I've got DD, we're so lucky to have her'.

Hope your day at work goes ok. There is a lot to be said for just getting on with life.

iloveberries Mon 30-Apr-12 07:14:43

oh tas - your trip to the softplay sounds like my life. It is horrible isn't it. I had DS with 5 others in my NCT group and they all have DC2 now. In that case I do feel "what's wrong with me?" and sad for DS that he doesn't have a 'baby' sad

tired I don't so much feel as if i've done something wrong that i only get DS but i do feel "why is it so easy for everyone else?" which i know is a bit self pitying of me but i can't help that! I think it's a lesson to me to really appreciate my children. I say children (instead of child) as i really do believe i will have another one. I have to believe that.

I'm glad you are getting lots of RL support tired. Hope your hosp appt goes well.

Well We had our first sex since the EP yesterday. I had been a bit worried about how i would feel but it was a very impromptu afternoon bonk so no time to think about it! Probably the best way! I know I am close to OV so it was very tempting to not use condoms who am i kidding i'd get pregnant in month 1 but i followed the advice of the gynae and made DH rubber up (much to his dismay!) We are going to start TTC again next month but I'm abandoning all conception aids except pregnacare. I got obsessed with TTC before and was using CBFM and basically using DH like a sperm bank, poor love. So I think i'll take a more relaxed approach this time!

We're supposed to be saving for some work on our house but we've decided to take a holiday in sept/oct when the EP baby would have been due. With my cousin's baby due then I think it will be a tough time so a holiday with my boys to plan and look forward to will be just the ticket I think.

How is everyone else doing? Tas - are you guys still TTC?

joby21 Tue 01-May-12 20:06:09

tired how are you feeling? Hope things are looking a bit sunnier for you.
tas I don't have any kids so can only imagine how hellish soft play is at the best of times, let alone when you're surrounded by bumps and babies.
We are ttc. We're not being full on militant about it, just kinda lazy shagging at roughly the right time! We hadn't been ttc for very long before the ectopic so have given ourselves 6 months of lazy ttc before getting a bit more serious about it all!

Hope everyone is doing ok!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 02-May-12 21:27:30

Hi everyone

I've had a good few days. Work are being really good, I've told them what's happened and that I'm "emotionally fragile" and struggling to cope with any really stressful situations so they're being really supportive and I had a lovely weekend at work.

Life seems quite normal at the moment...long may it last!

How's everyone else? Hope you're all ok x

Countmyblessings Wed 02-May-12 22:22:34

Hi all - went on Monday for a routine scan due to my history to be told I have a pregnancie in a unknown location!
Prepped for surgery had to remove 7 week baby and my tube!
In total shock!!!!!! At home recovering!!!!
Seems just rotten that this happened on the 30th April the day I got my positive last year for the other baby I lost at 12 weeks!
3 losses now! The odds don't look great but I'm holding onto hope for a another try real soon! All my love and prayers to a baby filled future for us all xxxx

iloveberries Thu 03-May-12 07:20:39

Hi tired - glad your work have been so supportive. I've not told a soul at mine but actually i'm ok with that. Of course it does mean everyone asks when i'm going to have another but blah blah blah.

count - i'm glad you found this thread. Horrible for you to have to go through all this isn't it. Is DP looking after you? How are you feeling physically? and emotionally? Come and talk anytime xx

I am looking forward to next month when we can start TTC though sure the novelty will wear off pretty quickly!!

MrsFooty Thu 03-May-12 07:32:29

Countmyblessings, that was my history 2 mc, 1 ectopic (lost a tube), 4th pregnancy now a nutty 20 month old obsessed with keys, doors and windows. It can happen, just look after yourself now and rest up and recover.

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 03-May-12 14:33:43

hi all, tired glad you're having a good time at work, your colleagues sound very nice!

count so sorry, I know it's really hard - mc and ectopic are a crappy combination, hope you're feeling ok today, take it easy

mrsfooty that's lovely to hear, it gives me hope!

berries people are ALWAYS asking me if I'll have another one, sigh. Can't really hold it against them, sure I've asked people in the past, though it's certainly not something I'd EVER ask now.

I'm feeling a bit stronger now, more back to myself. We're TTC again, but I'm not holding out much hope. If DD is an only child, that'll be ok.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Thu 03-May-12 22:41:09

Count I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through, that's terrible sad. Please take it easy, try to rest where possible, be kind to yourself and cry when you need to. If you need to rant/shout/cry/vent your anger please do so here-everyone is very kind and supportive. We know how you feel x

mrsfooty it's always good to hear positve stories smile

Berries and Tas my managers have been lovely, I've tried not to tell many people at work but some people I have to tell (in case I suddenly burst into tears!). Good luck with TTC. Tas I'm glad that you sound like you're in a good place now smile

Hope everyone has a happy weekend wine brew

Countmyblessings Fri 04-May-12 23:59:31

Hi all TMI warning - I'm now bleeding! Should I be concerned?
I'm still taking co- codamol as I'm in so much pain do you think I should go back to the hospital? Or is it my period!!!
It's quite heavy and has taken me by surprise in all honesty!

MrsFooty Sat 05-May-12 08:25:07

No to be technical it's just the lining that had built up being expelled, they don't count it as a period.

HTH

iloveberries Sat 05-May-12 08:32:31

Hi Count, I had a lot of pain for a few days and wasn't back to normal for about 10 days.

Also a lot of bleeding which was very heavy for about 5 days i think.

Do go to docs if you're concerned though.

xx

Countmyblessings Sat 05-May-12 14:01:02

Thanks MrsFooty- yeh loads of cramping and clotting!
Really heavy period type going on!!! Painful!!!
I just want my body back to normal!!!!
All this is doing is reminding me my baby is gone!

joby21 Sun 06-May-12 12:05:23

count have you been given any diclofenac? I took that for 2 weeks as still had a lot of pain (probably not helped by the vicious cold i got). Bleeding is completely normal. I was told it would be like a quite heavy period.

Countmyblessings Sun 06-May-12 12:32:11

Joby 21 - yes I have been given Dicofenac sodium which I have been trying to avoid - don't like taken medication!
Just wish I could sleep and wake up for it to all be over!
I just still feel pregnant and I hate it!
A shame when I was having the op they couldn't do some lipo also would make me feel less pregnant!!!!! Wishful thinking!

iloveberries Sun 06-May-12 14:11:44

oh count it is horrible when you still feel pregnant too. I had swollen breasts for a week and every morning i would get out of bed and it would hit me, "oh, i'm not pregnant anymore". It will get better though, i promise. 2 months on and i feel so much stronger.

Allow yourself whatever you need to try and ease the pain. Mine was cake - every day smile

Thinking of you xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 06-May-12 19:10:32

oh yes I ate A LOT of cake, hope you're feeling better count, I know that feeling of just wanting to go to sleep and wake up a long time later, I also toyed with the idea of a lobotomy!! It does get better, take care of yourself x

Countmyblessings Sun 06-May-12 20:40:52

Still feel pregnant and feel guilty as I just want to stay in bed and do nothing all day! So grateful to my dd17 and my DH who are doing everything to help me! And so grateful to my ds2 who keeps rubbing me and saying " sorry mummy" and gives me bug kisses!
Which reduces me to more tears!!!!!!
The pain killers dull the pain but it's still there!
Maybe more mentally then physical though!!!
I feel like I should feel the pain, and don't know why??

joby21 Sun 06-May-12 21:05:04

count i would take diclofenac and paracetamol instead of the co-codomol. it's an anti inflamatory so probably better for the post op pain.

It definitely does get easier. I'm now nearly 5 months post op. The first month i was in a complete mess. Coukdn't face work, couldn't socialise, was in pain and feeling awful. Then one day i woke up and no longer felt rubbish, the incessant sound track that i had in my head ("i've had an ectopic, could have died, there is no baby") had switched off. I still had those thoughts but they weren't my total focus like they had been. Now i am in a place where we are ttc and feel like it is all behind us. You have to be kind to yourself, it hasn't been very long at all. And above all, do not blame yourself xx

Countmyblessings Mon 07-May-12 15:52:40

Joby - I'm so glad that your moving on and TTC, the doctors did say they could assist if I don't get pregnant again! But I didn't take in board that info as was just recovering from my operation and knowing they had to remove my baby!!!!! Feeling sad!!! 1 week on and feel so lonely and sad!!!

joby21 Mon 07-May-12 20:24:27

yep, they talked about thst with me at the time of the op. There was no way i could take it on board. We talked about it more at my 6 week follow up, things seemed a bit clearer then. Am sorry to hear you're feeling so lonely :-( Keeping fingers crossed you start to feel sunnier soon xx

Countmyblessings Mon 07-May-12 21:17:26

Wow 6 weeks seems like a life time away!!!
I just feel like I'm the only one dealing with it all the pain, and my feelings and emotions are all over the place!!!!
I just can't believe it's happened again!!!!!
Because of how I was feeling I didn't want to add my details on the December 2012 thread!!! It's like this baby was just not suppose to be!!
I just hate the fact that I was in no pain, no bleeding just wanted to see my baby!!! And it's all over, and chances now cut in half!!!
It was difficult before now I feel like I have a huge mountain to climb!!!

iloveberries Tue 08-May-12 09:00:48

hi count

i completely get how you are feeling. Having your baby, and your tube removed is like a double whammy. It is interesting that you had a feeling things weren't quite right. I was the same. Women are very in tune with their bodies I think. It is good that you had a scan and found out before you had to go through the trauma and pain of a potentially life threatening situation.

Like joby says though, you will feel better. It might not be today or tomorrow but someday you will be able to think about it, talk about it post on mumsnet about it from work (as i am now!) without sobbing about it. It will just become a part of your past and you will never forget, and probably always feel sad about it but the pain will become less acute. For me i just feel like it wasn't meant to be. I also knew from the beginning something wasn't right so I didn't feel too attached to the baby even though I was desperate for it to work out.

In the meantime here is a stat for you... 65% of women have a healthy pregnancy within a year of an ectopic. This might sound low but if you compare it with the stat for 2 tubed women who haven't had an ectopic they have an 85% of having a healthy pregnancy within a year of trying. And let's also remember that not EVERYONE who has an ectopic will try again. A dear friend of mine had an ectopic on a surprise pregnancy so she didn't try again after. So the odds aren't halved at all. It is really quite positive. And on your side you have the fact that you and your DP have already had a baby together in your lovely DS so you know you are compatible and that all is ok with him. You have to believe you will hold your baby in your arms one day. you have to believe it. I believe I will hold mine one day soon. It took a while to get here but I am here now.

Come and post here anytime. xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 08-May-12 20:18:27

berries is right count, your chances aren't cut in half. There are loads of people who have successful pregnancies after ectopic. But right now, just concentrate on looking after yourself, be very gentle with yourself, you've had a terrible time. It will get better.

Countmyblessings Wed 09-May-12 00:08:10

Thank you ilove for your research! In the future I really hope I'm strong enough to think of TTC. Just been talking to a friend and just talking was so hard but I felt like just getting through it was what I needed!
I'm seeing Gp tomorrow never had the chance whilst I was pregnant for the official booking in! Now I need to get a sick cert for work!
Hoping to be off for awhile to Heal & Deal!

Thanks for all the support it really helps!!!!

joby21 Wed 09-May-12 06:10:36

count I needed 5 weeks off work to heal and deal. Everyone needs a different amount of time so don't rush back before you are definitely ready.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 09-May-12 23:58:28

Hi Count

First of all have a BIG HUG You really sound like you need it.

Are you going to have an appointment with a specialist? I've had an EP with a tube removed, followed by 2 early MC's, my appointment is end of this month. Unfortunately, because of my age, one DS and the area I live in I'm not eligible for IVF, and can't afford to pay for it, but I might have some luck from this appointment hmm

I had 6wks off work after my EP, 2wks after the first MC but after the 2nd MC I just felt I wanted to bury my head in the sand and carry on as normal. I have had a "wobble" at the beginning of this week (crying alot, not sleeping, struggling to cope at work etc) but as my mum told me-it's not surprising considering what I've been through.

Count-everyone is different but give yourself a couple of months before even thinking about TTC again. Although personally all I hear with every passing month is "tick-tock" of my biological clocksad

How's everyone else getting on?

iloveberries Thu 10-May-12 08:48:21

god it's so rotten isn't it tired and seems like such pot louck that some people make babies so easily and others really struggle.

i had a bit of a revelation the other day though, i have a friend who falls pregnant 1st month easily (well she has done with her 2 DDs and DS). I know she has been thinking about TTC #4 so have been waiting for her announcement but instead yesterday she told me that her and her DH might be separating. Another friend of mine who gets pregnant at the glint of the eye and a thrust of the hips told me her and her DH are having serious financial problems. Just made me realise that not getting pregnant isn't the only pain and worry we can have. I always looked at their lives and thought they were perfect - but they're not....

Anyway - I am halfway through cycle 2 post EP and going to start TTC in 2-3 weeks again. I am aware of the risks and i am so scared about another EP, m/c etc etc but bigger than the fear is a longing to have another baby so i want to try asap. I really feel it will be ok this time.

Last time we were TTC I was obsessed and militant and stressed about it all so am going to try and chill a bit more. I did everything 'properly' and it still didn't work whereas with my DS i did nothing properly and he is here and awesome! So this time I'll be chucking in some extra sex around the middle of the month but leaving it at that i think. I did buy some pre-seed yesterday but not sure whether i'll end up using it...

Anyway - that's me.

Hope everyone else is feeling a little bit more positive - it's sunny where i am today, that definitely helps!

Countmyblessings Thu 10-May-12 17:23:39

Hi ilove & tired!
Tired I really hope you get some positive good news and all will be well!
Yeh I can slightly hear the clock but am trying to not focus on that many women have perfectly healthy pregnancies and baby passed the 40 line!
All crossed we will be pregnant long B 4 that!
I'm off work for a month, saw a female gp yesterday and I felt she had no clue in how to talk discuss and deal with my mild breakdown as she asked me to tell her what happened! Although the hospital wrote her and she has access to all medical history!!!!'
I was so upset after leaving felt much worse then better!
Will have to go back after the month to see if I'm up to going to work!
Trust me I could be off for much longer, spending time with ds2 is much needed medicine!

I actually went back on my old thread to see that some others have also lost! So very upsetting! To see the update after they talk about pains and bleeding! Strange I had none of that! And felt I just wanted a confirm from a scan before adding my details to the list! It never happened!
4 RL all expecting right now! Happy for them but sad that I have no more sore boobs no more constant peeing, no excuse to eat more!
They are over there talking about how times dragging and sickness!
Ohhhh I want that all back!!!!
Looked also on my old jan 10 thread! Seems like a lifetime ago!

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 12-May-12 21:04:07

count that's rubbish you had to explain yourself to your GP and go over it all again. That's so hard. You're meant to come out feeling better. I had a great GP over my rubbish MMC and EP time. I cried when I heard she'd left! That's lovely your DS2 is good medicine. I appreciate my DD so much now, I mean I always did, but I just think about it more now.

I also think about pg symptoms and how ungrateful I was for them all with DD. I'd love to have them now! I'm in the 2ww and I'm stressed - every twinge between my knees and my armpits and I'm convinced it's another ectopic. I know, I'm an idiot!

iloveberries Sun 13-May-12 17:05:05

you're not an idiot. it's more than understandable tas!! Keep my fingers crossed for you smile

Countmyblessings Mon 14-May-12 00:17:39

Also agree with ilove it's totally understandable why you would be fretted!
When I found out I was so scared to go gp and just wanted to hold on to my I'm pregnant joy!!! Got loads of nudges from my other thread buddies to go, glad I did but now thinking if only I did it sooner may of avoided the removal of my tube!!!!! And just thinking why didn't I get checked sooner! Why did I leave it so long! If I could rewind time!
Ilove was on our other thread and was reading from when I posted my BFP had a few all at the same time! Was crying as my happiness turned into sadness within a few pages!!!!!

iloveberries Mon 14-May-12 07:27:46

and you know what count - we'll be on another pregnancy thread in a few months and we'll both take babies home this time. I know it.

joby21 Mon 14-May-12 20:49:59

I have debated posting this as i know how hearing this news can make you feel but i wanted to give you allsome hope!

I had a bfp a few weeks ago. I have had an early scan and am now 9 weeks pregnant! This is after having my first ever pregnancy in december which ended up being the ectopic. Interestingly i ovulated from the side that my tube was removed, if that sentance makes sense!!!

So there is hope for you all! Will be keeping everything crossed for you all in the horrid 2ww.

tas I know this fetus has made it to the right place and i'm still analysing every single niggle!

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 14-May-12 21:16:19

joby that's really great news! I had noticed you weren't around and I'm so pleased that it's because of lovely events. It does give me hope. smile

tiredandiwanttogotobed Mon 14-May-12 22:00:36

Sorry for being a bit thick Tas but what does 2ww mean? Are you PG? If so, congratulations!

Joby I'm really pleased to hear your happy news, congratulations!

Keeping everything crossed for you both, I completely understand your concerns though x

Countmyblessings Tue 15-May-12 00:21:26

Joby- I also would like to say thank you for your post!
It is lovely to hear a happy post regarding someone who has also dealt with an ectopic, and it was not so long ago which will def fill the TTC ones some great hope! I have spoken to DH and he understand how I have been feeling since the tragic news! It was lovely and feel so much better and he totally supports how I want to handle our next step although he wants me to rest( I thought I had for the last year)
Tired - 2ww means 2 weeks wait!!! As to see if you have done enough to get BFP! Fingers crossed!

iloveberries Tue 15-May-12 09:27:38

joby - another one here who is delighted you posted that!! Congratulations, I am so pleased for you and v.interesting to know you ovulated on your tubeless side, god our bodies are amazing aren't they.

I am having a really low day so your story has given me hope. Thanks so much for sharing the good news smile

joby21 Tue 15-May-12 10:21:16

Thank you for the congrats! It is all quite scarey at the mo! There is obviously still ages to go so trying not to get too over excited!

tas i have been loitering and still reading but was struggling with what to say!

count am i really pleased that you've chatted with your DH and are feeling supported. One good thing that's come out of all this ectopic thing is that i am now much more open about feelings etc. My best mate (who i've known 25 years!) commented that she has never heard me talk about feelings so much!

berries the sonographer was a bit confused when i told her about it being the tubeless side! The docs had told me that it could happen, but guess i kinda didn't believe them! But it is pretty amazing!

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 20-May-12 21:39:50

hi all, how are you?

tired no not pg, though AF should have arrived, maybe it will come tomorrow. I don't have any of the symptoms of my EP (weird bleeding just before AF due) so I'm feeling much more relaxed now.

Had a friend to stay this w/e, she's been through a tough few years, so it makes me appreciate the good things in my life. I think I'm starting to accept my EP a bit more now. I don't feel so bitter or "why meeee?" about it so much.

iloveberries Mon 21-May-12 08:49:49

Hi tas - My 2nd AF since EP arrived today so I am officially TTC again after AF goes. It feels good to be able to try again but i'm also not really up for the crushing disappointment of it not 'working' again.... Keeping joby's story as inspiration!

This weekend hasn't been great, i've felt very very down about the EP which has been rubbish. I don't have anyone to talk to in RL as DH and DMum just say "it will be your turn soon" and none of my friends really ask about it now. I guess 2 months is a long time for them. I am just focusing on DS to keep me smiling.

tas - could you be pg perhaps?

I know what you mean about being grateful for what you have. I am of course but I just can't get over the crushing feeling of the EP. I think I will feel like this till I have a successful pregnancy.

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 21-May-12 19:13:21

berries hope you're feeling better today, I find work takes my mind off it all. I know exactly what you mean, I feel crushed by the horrible experience of the EP sometimes. I've had quite a good w/e, so it does come and go. I expect I'll feel the same until I'm pg again and I KNOW it's in the right place. (Then just a MMC to fret about!!)

I don't think I'm pg, did a test this am, definitely negative. I occasionally do have crazy long cycles, where maybe I don't ovulate, but I did think I'd ovulated this time (my temps are high)

I think it's worth knowing when you ovulate, as it removes some of the stress around waiting around for AF.

iloveberries Mon 21-May-12 20:27:45

Yeah - I am lucky in that I have regular cycles and I was using a clearblue fertility monitor last time so I knew things were 'working'. I will use the monitor for this cycle as well just to check things are looking ok and then i'm not going to pee on anything till I am at least 2 days late next time round. I knew I would get my period today as I couldn't stop crying yesterday! Combination of hormones and just feeling shit.

I do feel a bit better today thanks, had a good day with DS. I agree work takes your mind off things. I am leaving my job soon though so will have to find other means of keeping busy!! NOT googling "how to get pregnant after ectopic" or other such things!!

You are so right that it comes and goes, maybe that's why friends/family don't ask much as once i've said "i'm starting to feel better" they assume it's a continuous improvement whereas in reality it's very up and down isn't it!

Onwards with TTC then!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Tue 22-May-12 00:58:47

Joby how are you feeling? Hope everything's going well?

I'm not PG this month, told DH and he very annoyingly said "Good, at least DS is not at risk of loosing his mummy to another EP" angry sad I'm sure it's 'cos DH is just scared about me having another EP but no one know's what's going to happen in the future. People die in car accidents, I'm not going to stop driving FFS!

Generally I'm getting my head round the whole EP thing, I do still feel a bit bitter about the MC's though.

There are a lot of folk worse off than me; a good friend has no kids and is unlikely to ever have them and another friend is waiting to find out if they have cancer. So I'm actually in a fortunate place. We're still TTC but I'm less optimistic now, I'm certainly not obsessing about it like before, although I'm lucky 'cos periods are regular and I feel ovulation. I'm making plans for a baby-free future which at the moment, I think I'm ok with... ...at the moment!

Here's to TTC brew

iloveberries Tue 22-May-12 07:15:24

Hi tired, I'm sure you're right that it is just DH being scared about another EP. You have been through a lot with the m/c only a month ago as well and he is probably finding it hard as you are. Just that men are not as good at dealing with finding things hard (IMO!)

I have been down your "there are a lot of people worse off than me" and also the "everyone has problems, mine is getting a 2nd baby". Thank god we both have our DSs though.

I hope this doesn't come across badly but I wouldn't lose heart with a 2nd DC just yet. You're only 39 and i know the last 3 pregnancies haven't ended well but you know you can fall pregnant. As you say just carry on with the relaxed TTC and hopefully it will happen soon.

BUT - in the meantime just focus on all the other great things in your life so babymaking doesn't take a disproportionate place in your life. I think actually that is advice to me as when we were TTC before EP ALL i could think about was another baby and now having had some time out of TTC I feel much more relaxed about it. Que sera sera and all that.

I hope your friend's potential cancer situation turns out to be something else.

Positive thoughts to you all smile

joby21 Tue 22-May-12 18:03:13

Hey. All's good here. Had a minor panic when i had some spotting and pain but had scan and all is still ok. Getting a bit fed of the constant sicky feeling but trying to think of it as a positive!!

Sorry to hear that you are all still a wee bit all over the place. I can promise it does get better. I don't think any of my friends were really asking how i was after 2 mobths, mind you despite telling all and sundry at work, a lot of my friends don't actually know about the ep!

tired it def sounds like yoyr OH is scared. At least next pregnancy you'll get an early scan and be aware of what to look out for symptom wise. i.e i.now know what shoulder tip pain is, so theoretically it should never get to an emergency situation again. Does that make sense? Just quickly typing as need to get ready for my night shift!

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 23-May-12 22:01:19

hi joby glad to hear all is well after your scare.

Had a shit day today, ended up taking minutes in a meeting where everyone is announcing their pregnancies and mat leave. Including one that is due when I was. Having to type it all out while trying not to cry. Not good.

AF still hasn't arrived, think I'm on day 42. My fertility feels like it's gone down the pan, I'm probably going through the menopause. I'm feeling rubbish, though it's probably PMT and tiredness. Sorry for the moaning!

iloveberries Thu 24-May-12 11:08:33

Jeez tas that is shit. really shit. poor you having to go through that meeting. It totally sucks doesn't it. I do find with people I don't know so well I try and temper the envy of their pregnancy with the fact I don't know what they had to go through to fall pregnant. It's harder with my friends as I know they all fell within 1-3 months and none of them have gone through losing a pregnancy. It's great for them but hard as i feel none of them understand.

Tas - have you had an AF since the EP or waiting for your first? Apparently the first one can take up to 10 weeks so don't lose heart yet!

I am feeling ridiculously postive - too positive i think about falling pregnant again. I feel like I know it will happen in the right place next time and that i will get to take home my baby. probably setting myself up for a fall but hey ho!.

joby - glad all is going well. You are my inspriration!!!!

Countmyblessings Sat 26-May-12 10:08:13

It's all gone quiet on here? Enjoying the sun having fun, anyone????
( shouts to hear spooky echo) HeLLO!!!!!!

iloveberries Sun 27-May-12 08:42:31

I'm still here!!!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 27-May-12 21:09:45

Tas you poor thing, it's a shit situation to be in, but perhaps the nearly crying bit means it's nearly that time of the month? I'm goning to show my dense side again. What does AF stand for? I've just been scowling a a friend's FB status who was moaning about her PG symptoms, I had to refrain from writing a grumpy "think yourself bloody lucky" type of comment hmm

Joby how are you getting on? We're all hoping some of your luck will rub off smile

berries I admire you positivity, it really does cheer me up x

Count still here, been enjoying the sun at the beach smile

Anyway, got my appointment on Wednesday with the early pregnancy specialist. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it; whether to be excited or dreading it. I've sort of decided that if she says "you've got no chance, forget it" that yep we'll stop trying, but if there's an easy treatment we'll give it another go. Watch this space!

Btw, my friend has been diagnosed with cancer which can't be operated on, so I could be in a worse position (trying desperately to be positive here!).

joby21 Mon 28-May-12 07:17:36

tas sorry you're having a rubbish time. Hope things are looking sunnier for you.

berries i don't think i've been an inspiration before! Thank you!!

tired sending luck everybodies way! Hope it goes ok for you on wednesday.

I'm still ok. Am now 11 weeks! Had thought the nausea was passing but it seems to be back with a vengence!

Hope everyone is enjoying the sun xx

iloveberries Mon 28-May-12 09:11:53

joby - nausea is GOOOOOOD!! well, i hear that MS means the pregnancy is going well! With DS i had lots of it and with the EP none so just think of it that way?? (ok, i know it's hard to find the positive in feeling vomous all day long!) 11 weeks is good, i'm really excited for you. well done!

tired, shit, sorry about your friend. that is awful. I hope you're as ok as can be expected insuch an awful situation.
AF stands for Aunt Flo (i think) AKA period. One of the more queezy acronymns in MN! Yeah, I hate the pregnancy FB statuses too. I think it's done out of ignorance more than anything else though. When I fell with DS very easily I was forever asking people with one "time for another then?" and i could kick myself for it now.... oh well. So what's the appt for? to talk about what could be preventing a successful pregnancy? I hope it all goes well.

AF has left the berrries household now and gearing up to ov in a week or so i think. First attempt at getting pg since EP and feeling very positive and excited (and in the back of my mind in a dark place very scared and negative) so just trying to be kind to my body and mind and focus on the good. Why shouldn't it happen right? I know, I know, one tube blah blah blah. well fuck that i'm going to show them who's boss of my one remaining tube!

iloveberries Mon 28-May-12 09:12:05

count how are you feeling?

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 28-May-12 20:18:23

Hello! Been enjoying the sun all weekend. Glad to hear your feeling sick joby I felt very sick with DD, it really kicked off around 10 wks. All good signs!

tired hope appt goes well. And so sorry about your friend sad

berries love that thought, I'm the boss of my tube! Have felt very out of control over the last 6 mths with the MMC and the EP, have kind of lost faith that I'm the boss of anything!

hiya count how's it going?

I feel a lot better now my period has come and gone, think that it will be easier TTC this cycle. I'm going to keep an eye on my temperatures and use the ovulation monitor so I'm not left worrying about my cycle.

iloveberries Tue 29-May-12 07:27:49

Repeat after me tas - I am a one-tubed-wonderful-woman... okay, that is puketastic, i took it too far!!! It is horrible to feel out of control isn't it.

i am using the CBFM this month just to check i am ovving but then i'll stop using it.

So tas - it sounds like we're on the same cycle (boarding school style weirdness) i am on CD 9 today. BFP due 21st June or thereabouts. (I'm not giving AF a due date, she can fuck right off)

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 29-May-12 21:06:49

berries thanks for the laugh! I read it as "I'm a one tubed wonder!" Love the idea of telling AF to fuck off!

Yes I'm on cd6, and I often ovulate early, so we can be "cycle buddies" or whatever it is they call it.

Had some acupuncture today and I'm feeling more grounded, thank god. Now I'm coming out of the black cloud of the MMC and EP so close together, I'm starting to realise how much it has all affected my confidence.

iloveberries Fri 01-Jun-12 09:17:21

tas - you are a one tubed wonder!! COME ON Tube - do your thang!!!

Acupuncture sounds good. I was having reflexology when TTC last time but my reflexologist moved house! Stupid question but does it hurt at all?

How are you finding the TTC this month? Stressful or fun?

Tired - how was your appointment?

Well we are on day 12 here - i usually ov on day 17 i think so we had SWI last night, more for the S than the I BUT it was the first time since we were TTC before the EP that we have had sex close to the fertile time and when we were, ahem, in the moment i was overcome by this "oh my god what if i get another baby stuck in the other tube??" It was dark so DH wouldn't have seen the fear in my face. i managed to carry on regardless but it shows me that despite all my outward positivity i am still shit scared about what might be. Still, i am definitely going to carry on TTC as i will not be beaten by fear.

I am trying not to think too much about TTC and focus on other areas of my life as i don't want it to overtake everything. Easier said than done though isn't it!

Countmyblessings Fri 01-Jun-12 10:16:38

Hi tas & tired - how are you doing?
Ilove- trust me I know that fear, it's actually quite weird that for month we have been wanting to get pregnant and now a month after my ep/op still no AF and worried that now I could get pregnant without the 2 cycle wait!
That's nuts what is the odds of it happening so soon anyway!
Amazing what Fear does to you and your confidence in your own body!
I was in the hairdressers the other day and the lady beside me overheard my HD asking how I am and she shared her twin baby joy 5 months after her tube was removed!!!!!!!!!
Hope is a good feeling!

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 01-Jun-12 18:22:28

hi all, yes berries need to start having stern words with my tube. It needs to STEP UP! My ovulation monitor started whistling and flashing this am, (day 9 - which is usual for one of my short cycles that follows a long cycle) so DH is in for a good time tonight.

I don't feel stressed this month, thank god. It was a bit too much last time. I know that sudden fear 'in the moment'. Not much fun. I think you have to make a decision, do I want another baby or not? If I do, then there are certain barriers to overcome - mental, emotional and physical.

I don't find acupuncture painful, but occasionally the needles sting a bit as they go in, particularly in sensitive spots like feet. If something is very out of balance, then it can sting a lot more and then I think hurt a bit during the session, but that hasn't really happened to me yet and I've been going on and off for about 6 years.

count I love that story from your hairdressers. Things like that keep me going!

It's the due date for my MMC this weekend. Everyone is sodding celebrating for the Jubilee. Not Feeling It. At All. Just want to go somewhere quiet, but sods law, we'll arrive in some country village and the whole place will be alive and kicking with bunting etc etc. I'll be glad when it's over.

startlife Sat 02-Jun-12 13:37:25

Ladies, stumbled on this thread as I'm going through counselling and realise that I have not fully recovered emotionally from the ep despite it being 5 years ago. It was an awful, awful time as I had to have multiple operations and then eventually a ruptured tube. I suspect that the whole process led to PTSD. My advice to anyone is to not rush the healing process emotionally, even if physically you recover well. Seek support if you need it.

Just to give a positive - I did however have my ds a little while after and everything was against me odds wise - my age, dh's low fertility, one tube, previous mmc's.

Don't give up hope

Countmyblessings Sat 02-Jun-12 17:13:50

Start life - thanks for your input! I had my 1st ep in 2006 and that was hard I never had op, and never got pregnant again till 2009. If you
Don't mind how soon after did you get pregnant?
Tas - yes it was a wonderful " life after tube removal" and coming from a complete stranger who heard me talking was really nice, she didn't have to share.
I love this thread and I love the fact that people understand what we are dealing with!

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 02-Jun-12 19:21:58

startlife sorry to hear you had such a tough time, it sounds horrendous sad so glad you have a happy ending with your DS, it does give me hope, thanks smile.

I had a MMC last year, I often think I'll never have another successful pregnancy sad. We're so lucky to have DD but I would so love another one. Starting to wonder if it's all worth it, I should just count my blessings and have an easier life. It's the due date for the MMC this weekend, we went to a bird watching reserve and I picked some ordinary flowers and made a posy and threw it in the river to say goodbye. sad. DD whinged and moaned while I tried to hide the fact I was crying! It wasn't very atmospheric!

Even though the MMC totally knocked me, (turning up blissfully unaware for the 12 wk scan nearly broke me with shock) the ectopic in a way was much worse. The two of them within 3 mths was a bit too much. I feel defined much more by the ectopic now. I don't go on the mc threads so much. Thanks for being here ladies!

Countmyblessings Sat 02-Jun-12 21:08:22

Big huge hug to you Tas!

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 03-Jun-12 09:57:43

thanks count smile

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 03-Jun-12 13:25:38

I would have been due to start my mat-leave for the EP next week, instead I'm having appointments with the miscarriage-doctor sad

On a brighter note, the consultant was quite positive; she said she suspects there's no reason for the miscarriages, only pure bad luck made more likely by my age. Me and DH have still had genetic testing to make sure this isn't the cause but the Consultant thought this is unlikely 'cos we've got 1 healthy DS.

I've come to a bit of a decision. If I'm not pregnant by mid-August I'll stop TTC sad. It'd be a year of trying and a year of big emotional ups and downs. I'm really starting to want to put the whole period behind me and move on with my life. I've booked an evening course at the local college so I'll concentrate on that instead.

It's lovely to hear positive, success stories like Joby, the lady in the hairdressers from Count and Startlife but I'm beginning to feel that it won't be me and can't spend my whole life wishing for what will not happen. The heartache will send me mad it I do; I've got a beautiful DS and wonderful DH so need to put them first not TTC.

I'm getting a bit fed up feeling "it's so unfair" whenever I see a PG lady or new baby. I think if I make the decision to stop TTC, then it's my choice not "pure bad luck" so I think I'll begin to feel a bit less envy when I see this.

Hope everything's going well for you Tas?

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 03-Jun-12 17:50:58

tired that makes a lot of sense to me, I go between feeling like you and then wanting to just keep going for another year or two. Glad that your consultant was positive, fx that good things will happen soon.

It's been a difficult weekend, we bought an orchid to remember the MMC baby, it's beautiful, white flowers in a nice white pot. I also bought myself some flowers. DH didn't realise I'd want any hmm

iloveberries Sun 03-Jun-12 19:38:16

oh tas - sorry you're feeling down about the MMC. It is very very sad. When people bought me flowers after my EP it actually made me really sad as i felt that flowers were what you got when you had a baby, not when you lost one. Maybe your DH had that in his mind? I know i don't like anything that reminds me of the EP.

I just feel I want to forget it. When it creeps into my mind that i would be 4 months now i just push it out and think "It didn't work out, move on". It's almost too painful to deal with it but then reading startlife's post makes me think maybe i should....

tired appointment stuff sounds good. I understand why you're saying what you'e saying... but a year isn't that long - though i know you've been through a lot... what about stopping TTC but just not using protection and getting on with life? If it happens it's a nice surprise.

I'm realising maybe i am being too positive but just assuming i will have another healthy pregnancy soon..... oh fuck i can't go through it all again sad

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 03-Jun-12 20:59:39

I'm glad what I'm feeling makes sense to other people, sometimes I worry that I'm being a bit negative/over anxoius/neurotic etc.

Tas I think you need to do what you feel you need to do. Blokes are rarely on the same emotional wavelengths as us, so the fact DH didn't realise you wanted flowers was probably just him being a bloke.

Berries I know what you mean a year isn't really that long, but DH is in his mid-50s, so I have to consider that he's of an age where babies should be grandkids not his own kids; it'll be harder for him too. Yes, if an accident happens then that'll be smile but I can't go on TTC for ever; I can't carry on wanting something so much only to be upset so much each month (it's been 3 years of wanting another DC but dodgy smear tests made me delay TTC, EP's/MC's have just prolonged it).

iloveberries Mon 04-Jun-12 09:20:33

yes - tired it does make sense that you want to put it all behind you. Our DS is 2.5 now and I did have a moment yesterday of thinking "our life is so great and easy now that he's older, do i really want to go back to the start?" But i think that is just the fear talking.

I think it's great that you've enrolled on a course and have made some decisions about taking the control back yourself. Of course a BFP before august would be nice but if not you have your DS and one child is a blessing really.

I am not in the place of being able to not think about TTC#2. We have made a decision that if it hasn't happened in a year we are going to look at working abroad for a bit though. Just nice to have something else to think about isn't it?

tiredandiwanttogotobed Mon 04-Jun-12 22:41:10

I know what you mean Berries. I think it's positive having "other plans" or "something else to look forward to," it gives you back some control over you life and stops TTC being the only focus in your life.

Countmyblessings Tue 05-Jun-12 12:16:38

Big hugs from me to you guys!
It a really hard life changing choice to go ahead and still be TTC or if you should just stop as every month that passes and every AF that keeps showing up takes you further away from the time you set to get pregnant!
I'm in the place of as long as my body is still making eggs I will continue to pray if it happens it happens! I don't want to be consumed and obsessed about it all! It's happened without Temping,charting checking CM, oving sticks it will happen again! Or not I beginning to accept and Count my blessings xx

iloveberries Wed 06-Jun-12 10:50:50

count - that is exactly how i feel. I have used the CBFM this month - mainly to check i am still ovving but next month (assuming i don't get a BFP!) i am just going to go casual!

Ectopic pregnancy is something you can only understand if you have been through it and i am so so grateful for this thread to be able to talk about what has been on my mind and what i have been feeling.

Thanks ladies

Countmyblessings Wed 06-Jun-12 19:52:26

Hi ilove and everyone - hope you all enjoyed the long jubilee weekend!
I have had a livy few days spending it with family and just chilling! Taking it in turns to host and cook!!!!!
Today I'm cramping a bit so def expecting AF to turn up what a bitter sweet feeling! Trust me I'm happy that my body is going back to normal but I can't help but think of if I was still pregnant I would be showing by now!!! Blahhhhhhh
Off to see " Snow white and the huntsman" tonight!!!! Bring on the popcorn!!!!!!

Countmyblessings Thu 07-Jun-12 15:21:40

Enjoyed the movie!!!!
AF is here my back is killing me.
The bleeding is not heavy at the moment but it just hit me my last period was before I was pregnant a few months on and I'm here!

iloveberries Thu 07-Jun-12 17:24:21

i know - it sucks. I am on my first 2ww and trying not to even entertain the possibility that i could be pg as it's too scary, and too disappointing if i'm not! So i am just not thinking about it.

i really want to see the snow white film!

It is good that your AF has come back though - it means you're all 'working'. Try not to think of what could have been, just that it wasn't. When you hold your baby (which you will have) you'll know that was the baby which was meant for you xx

Nicebeaver Thu 07-Jun-12 22:57:07

Hello,
I have just had surgery for my second ruptured e p and I lost my remaining tube. I was wondering how long people took off before returning to work? Last time I took about 6 weeks but I was very ill as I suffered enormous blood loss and also contracted pneumonia.
Although I am not nearly so unwell this time, my situation is worse as I am now no longer able to conceive naturally. We can't afford ivf and am not eligible for it on NHs as have a child already. I feel totally numb. Last time I was devastated and mentally not great for some time after but this time I feel very different. I would be really interested also to hear from anyone else who has lost both tubes.
Thanks

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 08-Jun-12 00:32:12

Oh god Nice that's crap, poor you sad

I've only lost one tube so can't possibly begin to understand what you must be going through. I also had 6 wks off work afterwards.

I suspect that the numbness is probably the first stage of the grieving process, and (sorry to be the bearer of bad news) you'll probably feel worse before you feel better.

I'm in a similar boat; it's really frustrating when IVF is out of the question.

I hope you've got lots of support around you (sends a virtual {HUG}), stay in touch x

iloveberries Fri 08-Jun-12 09:10:48

oh god nice that is awful. poor you. i can't even begin to think how horrible that is. I only had 2 weeks off work but to be fair i wanted to just get on with life. are you going to have some counselling.

What about IUI? do you need tubes for that? (maybe it's too early to think about it).

Did you get scanned early this time? I guess methodextrate wasn't possible though.

Awful, i feel for you. Hope the DC you have can bring you some comfort?

Nicebeaver Fri 08-Jun-12 09:43:21

Hi tired and iLove. Thanks for replying. I don't know anything about IUI to be honest. Also at my age (40) any kind of artificial insemination has about a 10 percent success rate, a tiny chance for a lot of money. Been poked and probed and prodded so much in the last three years what with 2 ectopics and 2 miscarriages and a LLETZ (routine operation to remove part of cervix due to a decade of dodgy smear test results!) that if I never see a EPAU or Gynae unit again it'll been too soon!
Reading this I sound a right whinger and I am really not. I just don't feel like talking to any of my friends and loved ones face to face in great detail about it. Writing it is so much easier.
I feel really guilty about being off work (despite it being half term - I'm a teacher) but I am signed off for another week and can have more if I want. Because I am physically a lot better aside from weight loss and anaemia I feel a bit of a fraud. Ive had so much time off due to mc and ectopic. I also feel like I cannot go out if I am signed off although being cooped up cant be good can it?
Anyway thanks for your support it really means a lot. Xx

Nicebeaver Fri 08-Jun-12 09:46:30

And yes iloveberries my DC is a total joy. 4 years old. Terrified about something bad happening to her though. Couldn't sleep last night for worrying about it. Aaarrrgghh!

iloveberries Fri 08-Jun-12 09:53:35

YOU ARE NOT WHINGING!!!

You have been through more trauma and loss than any one person should have to go through in a lifetime. I hear my friends whinge all the time about stuff and it gets me as they all get pregnant very easily and have all produced perfect babies with no problem. People don't understand unless they've been through it.

Don't feel guilty about being off work either - you need this time off to cope and come to terms with things emotionally, plus heal physically. You can of course go out when you're signed off, though i know why you would feel weird about it. Do you live near the school? I guess you'd be better going out in the week when the kids are at school so you don't see them? But of course get out.

I hope you don't think i am being nosey but i don't really understand how it got to the point of them taking the 2nd tube. I had always thought that if it happened to any woman a 2nd time they would catch it early and get methodextrate so you were never left without your tubes?

Thank god for your DC you already have.

I also understand what you say about being poked and prodded. It's such a lot for someone to go through and maybe when you're ready it will feel easier to move on knowing that you will have a fantastic life with your DP and DC with all the many benefits of having one DC.

Keep talking to us!

Nicebeaver Fri 08-Jun-12 10:50:05

Hi iLove. The reason they took the tube was because it had ruptured and was so damaged they couldn't save it. I didn't even no I was pg until it had already begun to rupture. Had v bad pains and bleeding Sunday before last. Went to work where the pain continued and bought a pg test on way home which I knew wd be positive. I knew the signs and symptoms were really not good but I was in denial and thought it can't be true until I've had a BFP. Went to a and e next morning and we were fast tracked. Had an internal scan for 45 mins (!) they could see fluid in my abdomen but nothing much else. hcg levels were1700 so they knew something was somewhere. Had another long scan late that night which was still inconclusive. Went in with a camera and found the damage in the tube so that's why they couldn't save it. It had been leaking for sometime. I had 2 days off week before with bad contraction like pain around my diaphragm. I thought it was a bug but it was actually leaking blood causing the discomfort!

iloveberries Fri 08-Jun-12 11:18:25

god you poor thing. how traumatic for you.
hope your DP is being understanding and looking after you.
tough thing for you to go through once but twice must be unbearable x

Countmyblessings Fri 08-Jun-12 18:05:57

Nice - can I echo what has already been said!
You have been through so much and I can't imagine how you are coping with the thought of both tubes now gone!!!!
Please go onto the ectopic website ( you must of heard of it) great advice and wonderful feel good stories of people with success after tube removals and operations etc!!!
Be kind to yourself!!! I have been off work for over a month! Getting over the physically and now emotional rollercoster of going back and facing people and 2 newly pregnant women! I spoke to my gp and asked to extend my sick cert! I work in a busy office and don't want to return until I completely up to going my job 100% I don't feel guilty at all why shouldn't I have the time needed to recover the loss of my unborn child!
Only you know the time needed off so do what's right for you!
I also have been out! I don't care if anyone from works see me, I'm sick not in prison!!!!!!! Sicknote is for saying your not well enough to do a job not you can't carry a bag with milk and cornflakes in it!!!!
Hope your getting RL support from your family and loads of hugs from your child!!!! Load of chocolate and maybe a movie or 2!

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 08-Jun-12 18:51:18

hi all, and hi to nice, so sorry you've been through it all again. I wouldn't feel guilty AT ALL about being off work. Being a teacher, you need to walk through that door at 8.30am ish and be totally on the ball from that moment on. You can't pop off to the loo for a quick weep if you feel a bit wobbly. DO NOT go back until you feel you're up to it. Only you can say when that is. I would definitely leave the house, it's part of getting better and building up your confidence again. You've been through an awful lot, I really sympathise.

I understand about feeling guilty about having loads of time off work, I've had a lot of time this year off, I had a MMC in November, as well as the ectopic in Feb. The MMC was a horrific shock, just going for a routine scan with no signs at all that anything was wrong and I was totally broken for 2 weeks, then took another week off just to start getting out of the house. But pregnancy related time off work doesn't really "count", as in I don't think you even have to declare it when you apply for new jobs (don't quote me on that though). I hope your Head is sympathetic, you've really been through it.

I've had a shocking day, just crying all the time. Told DD it was hayfever, it's all so undignified. I just slide into it sometimes, I felt bad just after I woke up when DH left a glass of water by the side of the bed and DD knocked it over. This sounds very insignificant, I realise, but please take into account, this has happened about once a week for the last 2 years and I have repeatedly nagged asked DH to put the glass where she can't knock it over. And Breathe. Then I arranged some counselling but my childcare fell through, so now I'm left....well surrounded by tissues and DD watching DVDs. How in god's name does anyone get to see a counsellor, childcare is such a nightmare! I'm either at work or with DD. I know I'm lucky to have her.

OK rant over. Sorry for that, just needed to get it out. Think PMT is taking me over blush

Tired, count, start and berries, hope you're feeling ok. Joby when's the 12 wk scan?

Countmyblessings Fri 08-Jun-12 20:03:07

Ohhhhh tas I'm sorry it does suck doesn't it!
I guess taking dd is not a option????
My DH does it with half drunk cups of tea and also chewing gum which my ds happily goes and gets!!!!!! He took the cup downstairs then spilled it on my wooden floors sticky everywhere including the walls!!!!
BLAHHHH I guess I could blow my top but I know it would be my eractic hormonal rage and not the fact that I've told him a thousand times!!!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 08-Jun-12 23:00:45

Nice you shouldn't worry about time off work. Although I feel very hypocritical saying that, I've had 6 wks off after EP then 2 wks after MC. I didn't dare have anymore time off after 2nd MC, I went to work and told them I was emotionally fragile so please be gentle.

My work has a strict sickness policy, I've got a wellbeing interview next week. If (please not!) it happens again I'll take time off with a clear conscience 'cos I definately wasn't functioning at all well after the 2nd MC. I'm a nurse so really need to be emotionally strong at work but have been really struggling and not coping with stress.

I imagine being a teacher is just ass stressfull so for your own sake please don't rush back.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 08-Jun-12 23:03:14

Tas I hope you manage to get to your counselling soon

Sorry last post should read "just as stressful." That's what 2 glasses of wine does! smile

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 09-Jun-12 10:53:13

thanks count and tired, I'm feeling much better today. I had a melt down last night and DH was lovely, we talked a lot and I've done some exercise this morning so the world isn't so awful now. God knows what I'll do about the counselling, just find someone who can see me in the evenings, I suppose.

I know what you mean about not coping with stress. Funnily enough I'm not too bad at work, but at the moment, I have limited stress there. But at home, there are times when I can't really cope with knocking a cup over, the stress is just bubbling away under the surface.

I'm starting to think it's all too much stress TTC again, if I was in my twenties or early thirties I think I'd just take 6 months off, but I don't really feel I've got a lot of time left. I was so desperate for another baby after the MMC, the counsellor asked me "why?" and when I examined it, I realised that actually the world won't fall down if DD is an only child. It did help. But I still want another baby!

nice see what start said upthread if you are tempted to go back to work too soon. Hope you are ok today.

Nicebeaver Sat 09-Jun-12 12:59:57

Thanks for all your kind comments. Am def not gonna feel guilty taking the time I need. I actually really like my job but it is hard to teach if you're not 100 percent and people make no exceptions for you being Ill. We tend to kick off the day at 7.45 so it's an early start as well. Two women in my dept are pregnant too and I am delighted for them but it doesn't make it any easier. Countmyblessings is your GP sympathetic about you extending your sick leave? My GP is lovely and I am seeing him wed. My initial two weeks is up then so in theory should be back at work next thurs but am gonna extend. Someone was saying (can't find the post now) about pregnancy/mc related absence as not counting as sickleave. You're right - it doesn't and you don't have to declare it if you apply for another job.
I am unbelievably tired, feel I could just sleeeeeeep all the time. Am up and about though, putting make up on etc.
It's amazing what kids pick up. We've been careful but my 4 yo keeps telling me how worried she is about having a baby.... I've reassured her and told her my poorly tummy has nothing to do with babies etc. they just know though don't they...
My best friend at the moment is red wine. I've been saying to dh it's full of iron. It is isnt it??? Makes me feel a hell of a lot better! A couple of glasses is ok Isnt it - it's hardly the same as developing a crack habit!
Glad you're feeling a bit better Tasmanian.
This post is very mememe. I will try to be less so in my next one - still getting it all off my chest I think
Xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Sat 09-Jun-12 19:57:46

oh nice you're so allowed to be mememe! Red wine is great, my tipple is gin in terrible times. Very hydrating wink

Countmyblessings Sat 09-Jun-12 22:39:27

Hi tired, nice and Tas - hope you are all well!
Wonderful you got to clear the air with DH and your feeling better! Up and on!!!!
Yeh to non guilty time off! It's not like your just off it's been a rough tough road!!!! And however you get through as long as you do!
Well I'm tea total as never liked alchol so don't have that as a guilty pleasure but the odd chocolate is worse! But I've decided to go the opposite way and go killer fit!!!! So want to not look pregnant anymore!!!
Here's to the new me!!!!! Cheers everyone!!!

iloveberries Sun 10-Jun-12 20:35:01

hey ladies - Glad to hear people are healing and dealing.

i am freaking out here.... been experiencing terrible dizziness today and actually had to pull the car over as thought i was going to pass out. now seem to be able to feel twinges on my left side and am petrified it's another ectopic. I am only 7 days post ov though so SURELY even if it was an ectopic i wouldn't be able to feel anything yet???

I don't know what to do. think GP would laugh at me wouldn't they? Or at least tell me to wait till AF ius due and do a test if it doesn't come? I think the earliest they can scan you is 5 weeks anyway. It's probably just cause it was a hot day today but i am scared......

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 10-Jun-12 22:00:21

Hi berries if you're only 7 days post ov and if you are PG it'll probably be too small to be a problem, you could do a PG test at 28 days to put your mind at rest. How are you feeling now?

I'm having a shite day. Horrid day at work, really busy, very little support, finished late, cried most of the 30 mile journey home, got home and DS still awake, asked why he was still awake, DH got grumpy and put him to bed and I cried more. AF started today, 4 days early and everywhere I look I'm surrounded by heavily PG women moaning about how fat/uncomfortable/fed up of being PG they are sad

Countmyblessings Mon 11-Jun-12 00:14:27

Ohhh ilove your head must be all the place, try not to think the worse case! Think positive and give us all hope too!
Today has been a good day was not consumed with my own thoughts I have been putting certain plans in place for the new me!

iloveberries Mon 11-Jun-12 07:14:30

i was being really positive - i still am really but the dizzy spell and pains have freaked me out. I need to go to the docs anyway to arrange some counselling so think i will mention it.

count so tell us then - what are your plans??!

tired so sorry your day was awful! are you back at work today?

LVJ Mon 11-Jun-12 12:01:22

Nice
Read your post - and had to reply. I have had two ectopic pregnancies - one last year, and one a couple of months ago, and I've lost both tubes too. I am also a teacher, and was really worried about how much time I should have off. I also have a four year old - wow! All the similarities.

In the end, after my second ectopic I had about five weeks off. I was given three weeks, and then I went to the GP and told him I still has some pain but other than that felt ok, but he was brilliant and basically said that I had to have another two weeks off as I had been through so much. I felt soooo guilty about leaving my classes again (and I'd missed about three weeks last year too) but I am so glad I took all the time he gave me. When you are going back to crowds of children you need to be physically strong (and mentally strong too) and all I can say is I think any GP would understand that. Take as much time as you can.

As for long term recovery, I was fine for the first few months. I felt relief more than anything and just wanted some time where I didn't have to go through the stress of all that again and enjoy being with my four year old. But now four months later I feel like the grief is starting to kick in. One of my best friends has just given birth and it's hit me like a tonne of bricks...Coupled with the fact that my little one is due to start school in September I can't quite believe that I won't now get that time again, and all the baby stuff I'd saved won't be now used. I keep thinking about IVF, but firstly I don't think I could go through anymore pregnancy related stress (I certainly can't see how I could try to enjoy it even if I did manage to get pregnant) and also I don't want to waste anymore time I have with my DC by worrying and stressing out over another baby that might not ever happen. I also worry about something bad happening to my Dc, but I don't think you'll ever stop worryng no matter how many children you have.

Just to say (to try and lighten this up a little) that on most days I do feel blessed that I got through something really bad, and that I have so much to be grateful for, but today I'm having a wobble x

Nicebeaver Mon 11-Jun-12 12:40:26

LVJ thank you so much. Your post made me cry for the first time since my op 12 days ago. Especially the baby clothes stuff. I sorted all mine out the other day. Nice stuff for eBay other stuff for the jumble. Need to do the same for the potty, the high chair, baby toys etc. all this stuff I saved hoping it would be used again. But it won't be - not by me anyway. Everyone on this thread is so lovely but goodness it's so good to hear from someone who is in the exact same boat plus some amazing similarities! All the ectopic stuff I have been reading about on the net is all about preparing for your next pregnancy, conceiving with one tube but almost nothing is out there for women who have lost both tubes to EP. Like I said to my hubby i guess there are so few of us you could fit us in one room.... I feel so sad. I saw my MIL earlier and she was going on about how much better i look, was I returning to work next mon and I had to remind her I've lost 4 babies in 2 and a half years, both my tubes and I nearly died with my first rupture. It's a lot. I am very nervous about work. Even taking my daughter to preschool today nearly had me in tears. Then in the supermarket i saw a mummy friend I hadn't seen for a while who was asking me if I had enjoyed the jubilee (!) and so I told her what had happened and it was really awkward because she didn't know what to say. Not her fault I know. All I want people to say is that what has happened is totally sh- t. I do not want people saying these things are meant to be......yes, someone has said that. No i didn't punch them.
Anyway i am rambling. Thanks again and hope your day gets better xxx

iloveberries Mon 11-Jun-12 13:39:00

oh god nice - why do people say the things are meant to be crap. it's ridiculous.

both your posts have me sobbing. to go through so much is just ridiculous and unfair and all i can say is thank god for your 4 year olds.... however much i know that is small consolation. thinking of you both and hoping you find some strength xxx

LVJ Mon 11-Jun-12 14:27:51

Thanks for your message iloveberries
Nice - thanks too for your lovely post back. I feel exactly the same - it had helped me so much today to know there is someone else out there who is in a similar situation to me. In fact, you've had it worse than me. I haven't had two miscarriages to deal with as well. It is such a sh*t situation and I still try to get my head around why it happened. I just don't understand! I know exactly what you mean about stuff about on internet ectopic preganancies - there isn't much for us who have lost our babies and our fertility at the same time. A nurse, after my second operation said 'you have to treat this like a miscarriage' and while I am not for a minute belittling anyone's experience of a miscarriage, knowing you don't have no real hope of another go is something quite different.

I've had the 'it was meant to be' comment quite often - even from the nurse in the recovery room! I have had some strange comments too such as someone saying that now I've lost both tubes at least I can't have another ectopic pregnancy !? My big problem is that I don't want people to pity me and tiptoe around me, but at the same time I can't quite cope as if everything is normal and that I'm fine hearing the ins and outs of other pregnancies and choosing baby names etc. I found going back to work quite daunting too, and was really nervous walking in, but luckily not much was said and only a few people knew so I didn't have to cope with explaining the situation to many people. Overall, going back to school did me good as it takes you away from your situation a bit which you can't quite do when you are mooching about at home.

I know what you mean too about the pre school bit - I've often had a few tears on the way home after drop off. And I was fine about the school thing until recently but I will be a mess come September. You are really brave about sorting out the baby stuff. I've left it all in the loft for now, and will try to sort it out when I feel I can do it.

Anyway - there's a lot more I could say, but most of all I wanted to say to you Nice that reading your reply has made my day better x

iloveberries Mon 11-Jun-12 15:01:57

an ectopic is not like a miscarriage. I cannot believe a NURSE said that to you LVJ. I felt like i kind of had to expect a miscarriage in my babymaking years as they are so common. So it was hard when i had one but NOTHING like an ectopic.

all experiences of losing a baby are awful but an ectopic is a loss of fertility as well. It is even more ridiculous that she said that to you 2nd time around.

My EP was at 7 weeks. Someone told me "at least it happened early and you hadn't bonded with the baby". I bonded with the baby the minute i saw the 2nd line on the stick. i wanted to tell that but think i just "hhmmmed"

Dreadful day here today. DS decided he wanted to carry his dolly round everywhere this morning and seeing him kiss and cuddle and love the baby just made me sob. (My m/c pregnancy was due in may). Then DCousin texted to tell me her 20 week scan showed she was having a girl. Her due date is the same as mine would have been and i have been trying not to count "i would have been X weeks along" but the text made me realise i would have had my 20 week scan about now too.

Now this afternoon I am off to see friend who's just had her DD a couple of days ago. DS is napping and i cannot stop crying. no idea how i am going to hold it together at my friend's house.

Shit this is awful isn't it. I am trying to count my blessings really i am but it's hard. I know my blessing it i've only had to go through this once.

Thinking of you ladies - glad you've 'found' eachother x

Nicebeaver Mon 11-Jun-12 17:52:56

Iloveberries hope you're feeling a little better. After my first EP I found my friends pregnancies incredibly difficult. Around the time of what would have been my due date we all went out for a meal. One had recently given birth, 3 were pregnant, then there was me and one other friend not pregnant.Anyway it was babythis, pregnancy that and I was really trying to hold it together but I couldn't. I put my money on the table, said I was sorry and ran home crying. Totally out of character, I am generally very controlled and unmelodramatic. My friends felt awful but I have to say they were incredibly insensitive.
LVJ I am sorry to say that I CAN believe the nurse told you to treat it like a miscarriage. After my second EP surgery one of the doctors congratulated me!!! On what? Being alive!? He seemed to come to his senses and bid a hasty retreat upon seeing my expression. Oh and my (actually very lovely female) surgeon immediately after my op whilst I was still in the recovery room told me I had lost the second tube and showed me some photos of the surgery! Gee thanks!!
Right have to go. The 4 year old has decided to take her knickers off !x

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 11-Jun-12 20:17:16

hi all,

berries hope you're not feeling dizzy anymore, I totally understand that any repeat of the EP symptoms sends you into a spin. Logically it's unlikely to present 7 dpo, test as soon as you can though, even if just to put your mind at rest. That's what I did 1st cycle TTC, POAS before, during and after AF! At £5 for 2 tests in Boots, it's a very small price to pay for a bit of sanity! Hope your visit to your friend's house went ok. I have those days where I just can't stop crying, hoping tomorrow will be better.

Sorry so many of you are joining me in melt down city, hope you're feeling better now. My moods go up and down like a yoyo.

It really resonated with me hearing you talk about baby clothes. My heart breaks a little bit every time I think of the baby clothes in the attic sad and how they're unlikely to be used again. Well, used by me anyway, which is what I want! Also berries DS playing with a dolly. My heart breaks a bit more when I see DD being so gentle and sweet with friends' babies.

nice that meal sounds awful, people just don't realise. Anniversaries are particularly hard for all of us. People who have gone through similar understand, those who haven't often don't.

lvj hi, thanks for sharing your story. I totally empathise with what you say about long term recovery. You think you're ok and then suddenly the rug is whipped out from underneath you.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 15-Jun-12 20:22:27

did I kill the thread?!

Hope the lack of news means everyone is out enjoying themselves and feeling happy.

AF arrived, I feel ok, like this month will be a better one.

Nicebeaver Fri 15-Jun-12 20:56:53

No you didn't kill it Tasmanian! All been a bit quiet this week hasn't it! I've been concentrating on trying to feel better. Saw my GP this week who is sending me for counselling - first session on Tuesday. Don't really know how i feel about it as no one can change what has happened but you never know, it may help. I have to remind myself too that I don't have a terminal illness, I have lovely family and friends and my beautiful, beautiful daughter. How are you doing? I am dreading my AF. It seems totally pointless. I am also dreading ovulating as that is now like a sick joke. Sorry I started this thread trying to be positive!

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 15-Jun-12 21:17:59

Hi there, nice, glad you're still around!

I've had some counselling (after my MMC, actually had the ectopic just after I started the sessions). I found it was really helpful, like a regular time each week to release the pressure that built up. One thing my counsellor did say often was you're allowed to feel shit and grieve for what you've lost. Yes, try and be positive and grateful for what you've go, at least you don't have cancer etc, but you're allowed to grieve, you've had a shit experience. You don't have to minimize it all the time.

I discussed the burning desire to have another DC in counselling and she helped me examine that desire and somehow just looking at it objectively helped to calm it down. That desire hasn't disappeared, but if we don't have another DC, I think I will be able to cope with it. Whereas before counselling, I think I would've gone over the edge if someone had told me I couldn't have another one.

I can understand you dreading AF and ovulating. Your body just carries on regardless doesn't it. My surgeon said something that helped me, something along the lines of your body is just doing what it is programmed to do. Somehow it helped me to look at it objectively, less personally. Though I still have moments of "why me?! how could my body have betrayed me like this?!"

Anyway, have a good weekend, hope you have something nice planned or at least some rest.

Nicebeaver Fri 15-Jun-12 21:32:09

Words of wisdom Tasmanian, thank you. Plus no AF can mean early menopause which is what 2 friends have gone through. Don't want that despite being infertile as it can lead to all sorts of problems.
You're right too I am allowed to grieve. I had come a long way to accepting having no more children after the first EP and subsequent mc but there is a little voice in your head every month saying 'you never know....' and now that little voice will no longer be there....
Anyway
Have a lovely weekend with maybe 5 minutes of sun if we are lucky!

LVJ Sat 16-Jun-12 14:54:45

Nice - I remember that little voice too - and I still get it sometimes which makes me laugh (on a good day). If I was to get pregnant now it would probably make the local news! I also remember when my body got 'back to normal' it felt like it was taking the mickey out of me, but that has subsided somewhat, and I also am just pleased that things are healthy. I like your surgeon's comment too Tasmanian.

I'm feeling better strangly after having been to see my friend's new born last week. I think the thought of it all is sometimes worse than the reality and I actually held the little baby and didn't feel too terrible. However, two other friends are due in the next couple of weeks so things might get bad again. All I keep thinking is hold tight, let this time pass, and hopefully I will be able to accept things as they are (which is pretty good really). Let me know how you counselling session goes Nice as, despite one initial appointment, I haven't really been down that avenue yet.
Hoping that weekend is going as well as possible for everyone

Nicebeaver Sat 16-Jun-12 17:59:01

LVJ one of the drs following surgery told me that despite having no tubes there is a one in 200 chance of pregnancy! It would be abdominal and so highly dangerous and unviable but it can happen. Yikes.
Interesting what you said about seeing babies. I found friends' pregnancies far worse than once they had had their babies. Once the babies were born it was much easier. I don't know why.
I am glad you are feeling a little better. I will let you know how the counselling goes.

Countmyblessings Sun 17-Jun-12 22:12:33

Hi all well I'm still here!! Just been enjoying the weekend!
Happy for those who was able to get counselling my Gp
Said it was a long wait and so I never got offered any!!!!!
Which I think is out of order,last year after my MMC I spoke to a Berevement midwife but it wasn't about me in away just
Something that I felt I should try!!! I guess depending on your own personal choices it may help! I suppose no matter how many of us have been through this our feeling and dealing & healing are a going to be different no text book on how to deal, how to grief and how to handle pregnant women! Big hand holding to us all!!!
I was on website a few days ago looking for fathers day card and saw some for new baby's and a place to upload scan picture it made me sad that I never done that in the past and may never get to do it again!!!!

Ninjacat Thu 21-Jun-12 20:57:13

Ladies will you hold my hand please.
I posted after my EP at the end of March.
I'm pg again. Had a scan and nothing seen but as I was only 4.3 max that's not so surprising.
Bloods went from 72 to 210 in 48hrs so that's a good start but I have been told they can not rule out another EP and I'm to go for another scan on Tuesday.
(I'm due to go on a belated honeymoon on Weds sad)
Any way Tuesday feels a long way away and I'm having a bit of shoulder tip pain - possibly scar tissue playing up? or psychosomatic?

Sorry this is such a me me me post. I do lurk but don't get much time to write.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Thu 21-Jun-12 23:41:50

Ninja grab hold, we'll all hold your hand,

Congrats on being PG smile The fact that your hcg has increased in good, you're only very early I don't know if you'd get pain that early even if it was an EP?

There's nothing much else we can say to reassure you, only that we're with you and sending kind thoughts x

Let us know how you get on...

Countmyblessings Fri 22-Jun-12 00:40:48

Huge congrats to you Ninja!!!! We are here holding your hand! I
Will pray that all will be well and you have a sticky bean in the correct and safe location!!!!!!
It's such a worry and the wait can't help! I guess you just want to fast forwards the day to weeks to month so all will be well!
Clearly the fear is understandable due to the ep in march!!!!
Hold on tight all our hands!!!!

Ninjacat Fri 22-Jun-12 07:45:19

Thank you Tired and Count just knowing there are people out there who understand really helps.

Feel ok this morning. Have taken to asking myself "am I ok at this very moment?" when the anxiety gets too much.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 22-Jun-12 18:55:13

oh ninja congrats! I'm here holding your hand as well. I think it'd be too early for symptoms, and your HCG looks good. They're obviously keeping a close eye on you, I'd just concentrate on relaxing. "Am I ok at this very moment?" - I like it, I'm going to use that when I get all "what if...".

I know the waiting is a nightmare though. Fingers and toes crossed for Tuesday's scan.

Ninjacat Sat 23-Jun-12 07:57:31

Tas You were there to hold my hand after the EP as well. Thank you.

Becky2007 Sun 24-Jun-12 00:07:50

I have to say I have two lovely children who I adore my son who is now 16 years old and my daughter who is 6 years old. I have been with a new partner for the last two years and we started trying for a baby together six months ago.......I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in May 2012 and didn't even know I was pregnant as had a period two weeks before but was admitted to A&E with severe stomach pains, after days of blood tests and to and from the hospital over a five day period and having the excitement and upset of being told I was pregnant and possibly suffering a miscarriage I eventually was admitted to hospital and was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy and had an operation where my baby was removed plus my left fallopian tube. I have always had difficulty conceiving children but never lost a baby, found the whole experience traumatic for example went to have scans where couples were being given their first scan picture which I found difficult to handle, i left hospital the day after and I have had to deal with not only the physical repair but mental repair and wanted to know if anyone had been through the same, i realise this happens every day and not being selfish but for people to tell me I should be grateful I have two healthy children!! I know I am lucky to have my two children but I also mourn for the baby I lost and I look at my three scars on my stomach and wonder which one the baby was taken from!! Any advice or words would be grateful to receive from any woman who has been through the same and how to deal with the loss when people don't want to talk about it..........

Ninjacat Sun 24-Jun-12 07:57:06

Hi Becky what a distressing time you have had.
I suffered an ectopic in March. I also have two children (15 and 2.5)
I don't really think of my EP as a baby as the pregnancy was never viable and to continue with it would have robbed my two children of their mother. But I do completely understand that it is different for everyone and that the feelings of loss are very real for you and many others, and really that is all that counts.

I think it is difficult for the people who love us to talk about what has happened as they had their own trauma to deal with. I know for my DH the lack of control and the thought that he might lose me were very distressing.

Remember that what you are feeling is what you are feeling. There is no right or wrong way to feel. There are just your feelings and you need to acknowledge them and have them acknowledged.

If it's impossible for dp or a close friend to acknowledge what you are feeling then maybe some counseling would help. Or just cry, shout, rant etc on here and we will listen. x

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 24-Jun-12 19:35:07

hi becky sorry you've had such a terrible time. It's really hard when people don't know what to say to you or they try to say positive things. They are just trying to help but they are in effect minimizing your grief, which isn't always helpful. You need to feel your grief, not try and shut it away to please other people.

I have been for some counselling recently over 2 pregnancy losses and I try and say some positive things to my counsellor (at least I've got DD etc.) and she just says "you're allowed to grieve/feel sad, you've had a terrible time, you don't need to try and gloss over it or minimize it" or words to that effect. I've found that really useful to keep in mind - you're allowed to grieve and it's totally ok to feel terrible (and believe me I've felt pretty terrible over the last few months!). Keep in mind this awful, awful time won't last forever. I also come on here and to the Ectopic Pregnancy Website to talk to people who understand. Most of my friends have been very kind, they don't always know what to say, but to be honest, if someone just listens and says "I'm so sorry", really that's enough for me. I sometimes have to be very specific with DH "I just need you to listen, you don't have to try and say anything".

I'm generally an optimistic person, but this ectopic pregnancy has really knocked the stuffing out of me. It's taken me 3 months to feel myself again and I still have bad days sometimes. It takes time to feel better. Be very kind to yourself. And come back here and talk to us whenever you need. x

Ninjacat Tue 26-Jun-12 17:35:33

Scan done. Sac located. Not ectopic!!!
So happy. Still early days but hurdle one complete.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 26-Jun-12 17:40:20

YES! ninja that's brilliant news! so pleased for you. Fx you have a very uneventful and relaxing pg. Good news gives me hope!

Countmyblessings Tue 26-Jun-12 19:11:41

Whoooop Ninja - that's such great news!!
It must of been such a " hold your breath, praying that it's good news" while the scan was happening ( I know that feeling) and getting the all clear with not ectopic!!!! Whoop!
When will you get a follow up scan?????

Ninjacat Tue 26-Jun-12 19:40:32

Thanks Tas and Count.
Follow up scan in two weeks.
Get to go to Paris tomorrow now as have been deemed safe to travel!
Glad it's given you some hope Tas.
So horrid trying to get pg when you know it might be dangerous for you.

Ninjacat Tue 26-Jun-12 19:53:38

PS sorry my messages are a little stunted. 2.5 year old keeps me from typing smile

mumofjust1 Tue 26-Jun-12 20:25:30

Evening all smile

I saw this thread on actives and thought I'd ask for a bit of advice for a friend if that's ok?

Firstly though, I'm sorry for all of your losses.

My friend had some abnormal bleeding last week and went to see her GP. The gp took swabs and as my friend was walking out the door gp said oh, do a pg test if you can and that was that.

Last sunday she woke in the early hours with one sided pain and shoulder tip pain so took herself off to a and e.

Ectopic was confirmed and she had an op on the tuesday to remove both tubes. They took the good tube instead of sterilizing her as her family is complete.

She had the coil which the hospital said had moved due to recent weight loss.

She's concerned on a few counts - the gp she saw wasn't very good, the hospital left her for 2 night before operating, and she's unsure how long she can expect to bleed for.

If you have any thoughts, it would be much appreciated smile

Ninjacat Tue 26-Jun-12 20:51:28

Hi Mumof1
Sorry to hear what your friend has been through.
It seems every ones experience is different depending on when ectopic is suspected.
I knew I was pg but started bleeding. It then took a further two weeks until surgery after being told several times I'd already miscarried.

I suppose GPs don't learn unless people point out where things were missed. I know mine went through my notes after because she was worried she had missed something significant (she hadn't - I'd been sent straight to epu but she was still quite worried).

I don't know why it took 2 days for surgery but maybe they were still trying to diagnose an ep. They leave 48hrs between blood tests so it may have been the second blood count that confirmed an ep and prompted them to operate?

As for the bleeding. I was "flushed out" when they operated so bled very little, I'm sure others here had different experiences of this again. She does need to get some medical advice if she is having to change her pad every hour or less though.

Hope that helps her a little.

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 26-Jun-12 20:57:00

hi mum sorry to hear about your friend. You are kind to be thinking of her. I'm not sure how long the bleeding would last, I think it would depend how far along her pregnancy was - I was 6 wks and I didn't bleed that much, slightly less than my normal period. But I imagine it's all different.

I can empathise with not feeling the medical care was up to scratch, but I understand that ectopic pregnancies can be hard to diagnose, especially in the early stages before the HCG levels are high enough to see something on a scan.

When she's recovered from her surgery, she could talk to PALS about her hospital experience, they deal with complaints. As for the GP, I think she would write to her practice manager. My GP didn't diagnose my EP when I went, but I was already under the EPAU at that point.

Hope your friend recovers well from her op, and has lots of time to rest and be looked after. It's a shocking experience, even though she's lucky her family is complete. I had (and still have) lots of ups and downs.

mumofjust1 Tue 26-Jun-12 21:18:30

Thanks ninja and taz x

Ninja, congratulations on your pregnancy - hope everything goes well for you smile

I understand that its extremely unlikely that the gp would have diagnosed an ep at the initial consultation, I think it was more her attitude (she's very offhand and quite unpleasant on the whole tbh) but with the mid cycle bleeding, I just assumed that she might have considered it a bit sooner than when my friend was halfway out the door. I know that whenever I've been for unusual spotting, bleeding/discharge I've always been told that pregnancy is always a possibility so test test test!

The ep was confirmed by ultrasound within hours of her arriving at a and e, she couldn't understand why she was left until the tuesday with a potentially very serious diagnosis.

I will encourage her to write to the gp and perhaps contact pals when she's up to it.

Thanks again for the info and advice smile

Also, I saw someone mention upthread that you can still fall pregnant with no tubes - is that true?

Taz, I'm sorry if I was insensitive mentioning that her family is complete - I hope I didn't cause any upset

iloveberries Wed 27-Jun-12 15:52:10

Hi everybody - for some reason this thread dropped off my list so i missed all the recent messages.

Ninja congratulations on your pregnancy!! so pleased to hear it is in the right place smile Wishing you a non eventful 8 months from here on in smile

tas - how are you?

joby - are you still around? hope the pregnancy is progressing well?

Well, 1st month of TTC with one tube was unsuccessful. I shouldn't have been surprised really but it was still gutting when AF arrived. I am now gearing up to ov on cycle 2. I am trying not to put too much focus on TTC like i did last time but it is hard. I have been having some counselling and she has taught me that actually a bit of self preservation is ok so i have been spending very little time withthose people who don't make me feel good. It's been weird to put myself first but i quite like it!

The EP still hits me all the time. When DS cuddles his dolly, when i see friends with 2 kids playing, when i see women at the same stage of pregnancy i would have been. it's like taking a bullet every time. I think i will always carry it with me.

How is everyone else doing?
xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 27-Jun-12 18:42:57

mum I wasn't upset at all! I don't think it's insensitive to mention it. I imagine it would change how much I was affected by it, if it was me, as one of the main things on my mind is having another baby, but everyone's different. I remember someone came on at the beginning of the thread and said it didn't bother them that much. While another person (on the EPT website) said they were a bit freaked out by all the info on the emotional side of it, as they didn't feel it applied to them. Personally, that info summed it up perfectly for me.

berries lovely to hear from you again! I had wondered if you were ok. Self preservation sounds very very sensible. I have such limited energy available at the moment, I am cutting out anything that I don't feel like doing. Including housework!

I am slowly feeling more myself, I have periods of time where I don't think about babies or ectopic pregnancies. Then like you berries it hits me. DD said yesterday "when I'm older I can have a little sister, like Julia at nursery". I would love to get back to counselling, I think deep down I'm just hoping that I'll get pg soon and then I won't need it. Cloud and cuckoo land springs to mind.

I'm torn between the positive thinking, "just believe in it, you will get pg" way of thinking and the realistic - it might not happen. At the moment I'm hoping for the best and expecting the worst. Im typing this with DD's toes up my nose, so Ill come back when they are removed, to ponder some more!

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 01-Jul-12 20:09:00

hi all, have I killed this thread again?!

Had a lovely weekend enjoying some sunshine and getting some Vit D, hope everyone else had a relaxing time.

ninja how are you? and joby are you lurking ever? Was thinking of you and hoping all is ok.

berries, count, tired, beaver and lvj how are you all?

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 01-Jul-12 22:18:17

Hiya Tas and everyone else, how are you?

I've been taking some time out recently to try and move on from stuff. Had a sickness meeting at work due to having lots of time off in the last year, that went very well they were all very supportive and have recommended I get counselling (first sesh on Wed).

Will see how that goes...

Hope everyone else is ok?

Nicebeaver Sun 01-Jul-12 22:35:19

Hello! How is everybody? Tired - are you actually back at work now? I am back on Wednesday.......
Glad you're feeling a bit better Tasmanian.
I am ok. Trying to just get on with it. A very dear friend's sister dropped dead out of the blue last Sunday. Life's short.

Nicebeaver Mon 02-Jul-12 09:22:08

Apols for my rather brusque and depressing post last night! AF arrived this morning - what joy. Seems like a cruel joke now I am tubeless. No more charting, no more ovulation pee sticks, just a reminder each month that my body is working regardless.....
I'm sorry, this post is hardly cheerful either! Oh well, happy monday everyone!

iloveberries Mon 02-Jul-12 09:45:37

oh beaver - that truly does suck. there is nothing to say to make you feel better i know. Thinking of you though. You are right that life is short. We just have to find what we can which will make us happy don't we?

tas - you haven't killed the thread! I have been attempting not to get too obsessed with TTC this time round so haven't been on MN (or google!) too much lately!

tired - time out is good and your work sound very supportive. Mine weren't but i have quit my job now! Hurray!

We are in cycle 2 post EP and currently gearing up to OV. It's amazing how much hormones affect how you're feeling isn't it. The week 2 and 3 of my cycle i generally feel fine but week 1 and 4 i am a wreck.

I have just been trying to keep busy really and focus on other stuff rather than TTC/EP/babies. I start counselling tomorrow so hoping that might help me as at the moment i am just not really addressing it which i think is ok as it makes me feel better but it also means I am cutting out friends who are with new babies... not that i am not happy for them. Just that it's easier for me not to see them for a while.

beaver - Is IVF possible with no tubes? I think it is? Is that a road you would consider going down?

Solidarity hugs to all you women who've been through this. It's shit shit shit isn't it!

Nicebeaver Mon 02-Jul-12 10:04:48

Hi iLove yes ivf is an option but at 5 grand or so and a 10 percent success rate at my age it's just not an option. I'm not eligible for free ivf as I have a child already.
You are doing the right thing trying not to obsess too much. I've been there and it takes over your very being. Hope the counselling is useful

iloveberries Mon 02-Jul-12 10:09:05

Yeah, I understand beaver. I would be in the same boat as you.

I obsessed for a year about TTC and to be honest it made me fucking miserable and I felt like such a failure every month when Af arrived. I am trying to get into the space of "if it happens it happens" and i am not quite there but definitely doing better and not pinning all my happiness on whether another baby comes along. I just feel so so grateful to have DS and DH and to be in good health.

Thinking of you today beaver

Nicebeaver Mon 02-Jul-12 10:43:29

ILove I know it's awful isn't it. I used to be a mess of tears and rage each month I got my AF. I also used to say to myself 'maybe this isn't AF, maybe it's an implantation bleed' even though I knew it wasn't. I had come a long way to accepting the status quo up until getting my second EP. After the first EP it took me about 18 months to start coming to terms with it. That also included dealing with two m/c. Weirdly I am dealing with this second EP much better than the first one even though the outcome now is far more bleak as far as future pgs go. I think I had accepted just having one child which is why I am maybe not doing too badly. I don't know though, I may fall apart upon returning to work on wed!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Mon 02-Jul-12 22:12:36

Nice I had my EP last Dec (6wks off), then a MC in March (1 wk off) then another MC in Apr, so I've been back at work a while. I had a sickness meeting 'cos of the amount of sickness in the last year. Yes, Berries, work are being supportive smile which certainly helps.

I think the being obsessive thing is why I'm having time out. It was beginning to rule my life; I also would be in tears with every AF.

The counsellor I breifly spoke to to arrange the appointment said that I've had a lot of loss to deal with in the last year. I suppose I've never really thought of it as that. I think I've always tried to be strong, but that maybe why it was ruling my life 'cos I've not dealt with it.

Hope all goes well at work Nice

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 03-Jul-12 17:39:01

hi all,
tired glad your work were sympathetic, it makes a real difference, doesn't it? Though I'm surprised they "count" pg related sickness, thought they weren't allowed to.

When do you all find time to see counsellors? I haven't been able to sort out babysitters or evening appts, so just plodding on, sometimes ok, sometimes crazy. I find that seeing some friends that have 2 children really hard, even though my friends are lovely, I just get low. Other friends (who talk less about their babies and more about their toddlers or just life in general maybe) I'm better with.

nice so sorry about your friend's sister, life is short, reminds me that I have to try and enjoy my life and all its good bits. Hope that your return to work is good tomorrow. I find that work is a welcome distraction from all the rubbish in my head, as I'm so busy and tired at work, I just don't think about babies. Though a few weeks ago I ended up doing the minutes at a meeting where the mat leave/new pregnancies/new babies were being announced, I was just sinking lower and lower over the keyboard trying not to blub sad. I can laugh about it now.....

berries know what you mean about the hormones, I'm a wreck sometimes. I'm trying to eat more oily fish, I think it helps. Maybe. Glad you're stepping away from google and feeling better about TTC. It can get too much, it has for me sometimes. Funnily enough charting my temperatures and cervical fluid makes me a bit more relaxed about it all, as I know exactly where I am and I can tell a few days before AF arrives, so I'm let down gently iyswim. But not for everyone, that's for sure.

I'm absolutely knackered, luckily it's the end of term soon and I can change pace dramatically and have some slightly later starts in the morning. We're also going away for a couple of weeks, it was great to do that after the EP at Easter, really really looking forward to it. Hope you all have some nice plans for some treats and rest coming up.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 04-Jul-12 21:11:03

Tas. tried to arrange and appointment with a counsellor this morning, obviously can't see them when DS is with me and not sure when I'll get time for an evening appt. That leaves a phone chat, the only time I'm on my own in the house is after my night shift on a Wed morning. This isn't the best time 'cos I'm massively tired-I've usually been awake for 24 hrs at this stage! So have warned them I'll be rather tearful when they call! Oh well, I've got tissues!

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 05-Jul-12 09:01:52

hi tired - hadn't thought of a phone chat, interesting, I'll look into it. If you're really tired, then you'll be able to let it all out and not have the energy to put a "brave face" on it. Hope it all goes well.

nice how was your first day back? Hope it's going well.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Thu 05-Jul-12 23:25:07

Off on holiday for two weeks on saturday smile

Camping hmm

Do you think I might get wet?!

Stay happy everyone, see you in just over a fortnight wine

iloveberries Fri 06-Jul-12 15:57:29

well i have just been told after my initial counselling consultation that i don't 'qualify' for anymore counselling as my depression is not severe enough and i am not suicidal or at risk or putting anyone else at risk. Great. So i can't talk to my friends cause they've all been shit and now i can't talk to a professional. feeling a bit sorry for myself now.... It just feels like it is all trapped inside me and i can't let it out.

I feel i have failed as a mother as i can't give my DS a sibling
I feel i have failed as a wife as i can't gve DH another baby
I feel i have failed as a daughter as i can't give Dparents another grandchild.

I know I may still have another baby but all people say when i tell them about the EP is "don't worry, you'll have another one" and it's like, um, hello, what about the baby that i lost. and also we don't KNOW that i'll have another one". Its almost as if people feel i am being dramatic by saying i am scared i won't have another baby.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 06-Jul-12 17:20:58

berries - I'm actually speechless about your counselling, or the lack of it. Are they really such an emergency, urgent service?! Was that through your GP? There must be other options, though I know it's hard to sort something out when you're feeling "knocked back" all the time. I've tried to call places and getting an ansaphone message means that I just don't bother calling again. I just haven't had the energy.

You can let it out though, even if you can't get to a counsellor for a few days. Write it down in a diary, come on here or the EPT website, talk to your DH. There's the helpline for the EPT as well, though it's only open 10-4pm weekdays. Sorry you know all this, I know, can't help myself trying to "make it better", I know I can't make it better though sad

I know that feeling of failure, but it's not real. It's just a way to beat ourselves up about something we couldn't control. What is real is your lovely family - DS and DH.

Hope you can find something nice to do this weekend, to treat yourself. I had a massage after the MMC, it really helped me let go of some of the stress. She was a holistic type massage person, not just a beautician. Though nothing against beauticians, but we had a mini counselling session beforehand, which I think was part of the letting go process.

Take care of yourself x

tired have a lovely camping trip, hope you've taken some wet weather gear! smile It'll be loads of fun running about in the rain!

Amo101 Sat 07-Jul-12 13:50:36

I'm so glad I've started reading this as I've finally found others in my situation. I started TTC in 2008 and since then I've had 2 early miscarriages followed by an etopic which cost me my left tube. I then had a 2nd ectopic which was treated by methoxorate and then in March 2012 a 3rd which cost me my right tube. The cruel thing about the last one is that there was a perfectly forming baby with a heartbeat - it made it so much harder as the last time I'd seen a heartbeat on a scan was when I was expecting my now 14 year old DD. My DH has no children so all this has been hard on him too but we're now trying to be positive and save for IVF. I'm seeing a recurrent miscarriage clinic for tests to check we're not wasting our money. I'm trying to be positive and I have good days and bad days but I'm not really sure I've come to terms with everything in the last few years as I've also lost my Mum and nephew in this time so large chunks of my world seem to have fallen apart.

Sorry for the depressing post but I hope someone on here will read this and understand.

And just to give some of you hope I've met many women who successfully had a baby after losing one tube.

Countmyblessings Sat 07-Jul-12 21:48:32

In total shock - so I will whisper it- sbp!!!! Small but positive! Cheapy & clearblue telling me!!!!!
Will keep checking in but don't want to shove in face!

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 08-Jul-12 10:19:01

count that's great news!!! congrats smile, keep coming back to give us some hope

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 08-Jul-12 10:37:14

and hi amo, sorry that you find yourself here, you've really been through it in the last few years. But you are very welcome to join us, we do understand. It's good to let out how you feel, depressing or not, it is what it is.

I also have good days and bad days - yesterday was a very very bad day. AF started and I thought I was ok with it and then had a massive wobble, sobbing uncontrollably. I feel better today, but it's not good to remember how bad I was yesterday. I am looking more seriously into restarting counselling.

iloveberries Sun 08-Jul-12 14:08:34

Amo - so sorry you found yourself here. You have had a rough rough ride. I hope you have a good family here to help you and support you. Feel free to put out whatever you're feeling and use us!!

Oh tas - fucking AF is so shit isn't it.... thank you for being so sweet and offering up your online ear for me!! It's funny, some days (like today) i don't even want to think about it and on other days i really want to talk.....

But today - it's about count - well done you and Hurrah for ONE TUBED WONDERS. Just goes to show that sometimes not trying is the best way to try!

Off to watch the tennis now smile

joby21 Tue 10-Jul-12 12:31:55

hello!

yep am still lurking!

Really happy to hear the bfp news! Will be keeping fingers crossed for you all.

Sorry to see there are nrw faces on the thread, but glad you have all found your way here, if that make sense.

Pregnancy is still going well. Am now 17 weeks!

Hope all you ttc'ers are being kind to yourselves, and that each day is getting easier xx

Countmyblessings Tue 10-Jul-12 16:46:27

Thank you Tas & ilove - I'm so scared as its so soon after ectopic in April! Have to get bloods will post when I know what's happening I do pray this will be a happy ending to also bring hope to you all!
( ilove - I'm sooooooo scared)

joby21 Tue 10-Jul-12 19:43:12

Count, it sounds about the same time period i had. I had ectopic in december and was pregnant in april. I had an early scan at 6 weeks for reassurance but no bloods or anything. It is an exciting and terrifying time but i fet much better with this pregnancy than i did with the ectopic. Keeping things crossed for you x

iloveberries Tue 10-Jul-12 20:26:11

there is hope for me then.
i need hope.
today has been a bad day sad

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 10-Jul-12 20:46:40

berries sorry today has been a bad day, hope that tomorrow will be better. Is there anything in particular that was bad, or just feeling shit? If there are too many bad days then have a think about who you can go to for help. Don't try and do it on your own. I had a totally horrendous day on Saturday, just fell apart really, but am feeling much more normal since then. Not sure if hearing about my despair really helps, but know that you're not alone in feeling awful. I honestly think it's normal to feel really really terrible sometimes after what we've both been through. But if it carries on, then you must go to your GP or try another avenue for counselling (which is what I'm doing). Hugs x

joby hi! so glad you've popped back to give us one tubed wonders some hope! and glad that at 17wks you're doing well, great news smile

count keep breathing! Natural to be scared I think, but keep positive and keep us posted!

iloveberries Tue 10-Jul-12 20:53:05

tas - not that i am happy you have shit days but it does make me feel more 'normal'.

3 things got to me today:
1. I noticed DH was wearing tight pants and commented that he needed to wear the loose boxers (he has tons of pairs!). He called me a nazi and said i was psycho about getting pregnant. He later apologised for this and said he was stressed and he didn't think it really mattered what pants he wore. We had a good chat about it and i explained that i feel so much is out of our control and against us that i am just trying to do what i can. he listened a long time and we sorted it out. I was livid after his comments but no point in staying cross eh?

2. I took DS for a walk and saw a mum, dad and 2 kids (mum had approx a 6month bump - where i should be now) and DS kept wanting to go and play with them cause "their family has other children". I was weeping inside.

3. A friend texted to tell me she's expecting DC3 (all her DCs conceived month 1). I'm happy for her but of course it gets me. Hers is a BIG TIME band aid baby so I guess I am less jealous of her but it's still hard that my body won't, or as DH corrected me, hasn't yet played ball for our DC2.

It's not depression for prolonged periods of time tas - somedays are just dreadful. Today was one of them.

Where are you getting your counselling from?

Countmyblessings Tue 10-Jul-12 22:29:17

Ilove - I'm so sorry about how your feeling! Don't be so hard on yourself as your feelings are valid! Your heart is breaking in everyway!
Tas - thank you I'm trying so hard to feel positive but I can't help it I'm in tears right now feeling so scared,I can't help it!!! It's going to be a long night! Panics now if my blood levels are not in line for them to rule out another ectopic!

Ninjacat Wed 11-Jul-12 09:06:32

Hello all.
I am lurking.
Have made it to 7wks pg despite a uti, a really nasty fall and spotting (didn't feel I could post before I knew either way)
Still can't allow myself to feel it will all be ok. Holding breath and not telling anyone until 12wks.

Amo you will find lots of support here if you need it.
ILove I hope things are easing for you.
Count it's a very difficult 48hrs between blood tests. Unfortunately they wont rule out an ep until they can see something on an ultrasound. If it helps to know I have some idea of how you are feeling right now (My ep end March/April)
tas boo to AF. Hope today is an up day for you.

Countmyblessings Wed 11-Jul-12 14:14:55

Hi Ninjacat- had bloods done and they are at a good level but will still monitor me which I'm happy about and when they believe baby is viable to be seen should be getting scan which should be next week!
Still so scared but they don't seem to be that worried so I'm just trying to stay calm!!!! Midwife was lovely and speeded up my blood results as she knew how stressed I am about it all!

Countmyblessings Wed 11-Jul-12 14:17:57

Don't know if I said congraulations Ninjacat- before!
(Can't remember if you posted it)

iloveberries Wed 11-Jul-12 14:25:42

ninjacat - congratulations! It is very inspiring to see all you ladies falling pregnant so quickly after your ectopics! I am kinda regretting following the rules and using condoms for 2 cycles!!

Hey ho.

count great news bloods are doing what they're meant to.

Ninjacat Wed 11-Jul-12 18:12:32

thanks for the congratulations. And Congratulations to you Count

Ilove when I went to the dr to say I was pg he was quite cross with me for being too soon blush. He followed that up with saying if it was another ep or I was to mc to make sure I waited next time. I could really have done without the whole next time speech. Anyway I'm sure it's far more sensible to wait it's just that it took me 8mnths to get pg last time so I thought it might be more of the same.
If it helps to know according to the consultant I ovulated from the same side as the ep and although I was lucky and my tube was saved that does mean it managed to dodge the scar tissue.

Count it sounds like they do things a little differently here. I had bloods taken 48hrs apart to see if they doubled then had a scan once bloods go over 1600.
Glad everything is looking good so far. My first scan just showed a sac but it was in the right place and that felt like hurdle one overcome.

Countmyblessings Wed 11-Jul-12 20:02:29

Oh wow Ninja - how do they know which side you ovulated from? I guess the ovaries look big or something like that!!!!
Oh I am just praying I get over the hurdle of baby in right place I feel like I'm " counting my chickens before they hatch" but I'm just
Trying to stay positive and the mw said the levels are Doubling!!!!! But didn't tell me the actual figures!!!!!
Ilove- you don't worry that you listen to the advice as you can see I still have a mountain to climb and I pray it's not a silly mistake that will turn into another heartache!!!!
Roll on Friday!!!!!!!!

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 11-Jul-12 21:08:13

hi all, count congrats on the blood count, all sounds very promising! They know which side you ov'd from as on the scan they can see the corpus luteum, which is a blobs that grows on the ovary where the egg pops out.

Think the nurse that scanned me for the EP told me that, she pointed out the blob on the ovary.

hi ninja glad it's all going well for you too.

berries it's our turn next! Those things you describe all sound very familiar triggers for me as well.

I am feeling ok today, had some good news at work (someone difficult to work with is leaving, yes!) I haven't arranged counselling yet, but have made some enquiries at a local centre that has about 10 counsellors working out of it.

Jellytots79 Sat 14-Jul-12 14:24:22

Hey everyone,

I am new here and wanted to share my story I had an ectopic pregnancy on 26/6/12 @ 8wks We where off for any early scan that morning but when I got up I was very dizzy off but off to the scan we went as there was a confusion over my dates when we arrived at scan I was very dizzy they took my bp and blood and did they scan to discover that my Fallopian tube had just bust and I was bleeding internally next thing i know I am being rushed to theatre as it is now a matter of life and death, I wake up 4hrs later with tubes and drips coming out everywhere to be told at I was in surgery for 2 and a half hours that they has removed my right tube along with my pregnancy which somehow managed to attach to my bowl and the my bp had hit the floor during the op and has a blood transfusion. This is not what I had in mind for out 1st scan. sad Physically I am on the mend, emotionally I take longer but just taking one day at a time xxxx

iloveberries Sun 15-Jul-12 07:28:42

Hi jellytots Sorry you had to find yourself here sad and sorry for the loss of the baby and the tube (a double whammy isn't it)

I hope reading the stories of ninja, joby and count will bring you some hope that there is a good chance of a BFP in the right place very soon after ectopic.

It sounds like you had a very traumatic experience with your ectopic. I think the physical and the emotional healing is, as you say, very different. I hope you have lots of RL support. Take time to heal and deal.

Thinking of you and come here and post anytime xxx

Nicebeaver Sun 15-Jul-12 21:33:38

Hi everyone, been off the page for a couple weeks. Congrats on the bfps - great news for you.
Jelly tots, really sorry to hear what you have been through, I know how you feel it's a very scary and devastating experience. There are lots of lovely folk here that can hold your (virtual) hand.
Well I went back to work almost two weeks ago, 2 ladies ( who are also my friends) who I work v closely with are v heavily pg. I am still tubeless and 40 but......(whispered) I feel ok....
I have been waiting to fall apart but haven't and don't feel like I will either. Following my first and extremely traumatic, life-threatening ectopic I did fall apart for a while and I have never felt so lonely and sad and desperate in all my life. I was dreading feeling like it again, feeling physically ill when friends told me they were pg and I was so desperate to be too, but I really do feel ok. I am so glad.
I just wanted to tell you that. Thanks for your support. I think writing stuff down really helps. I may lurk occasionally but my time here is done. Back to my little family of 3 and two cats. I think I will go and listen to 'kooks' by David Bowie, a very uplifting song about a family of three if ever there was one. Lots of peace and love and sticky beans for you all xxx

Countmyblessings Sun 15-Jul-12 21:46:24

jelly tot - I'm am sorry - what a traumatic experience you have just gone through, be gentle on your self and we are all here as we have all been in your position in different ways! hold onto hope as i does and will happen for us all!
1 day at a time!
Nicebeaver - thanks for coming back and updating glad to hear your feeling stronger and getting on with life!!!! all the best in your future and to all it has in store for you!
after i had my ectopic in 2006 i came to this place of if I'm not going to have anymore children maybe i can help in other ways and show support, i now sponsor 4 children in poverty through " compassion" and it feels great!

tasmaniandevilchaser Mon 16-Jul-12 19:35:59

hi all,

jellytot sorry you find yourself here, sounds very traumatic, hope you are being looked after. Come and post anytime we are here for you. I don't know anyone in real life who's had an EP, so it's a godsend to have people here who understand.

nice great news you are feeling good, if I find myself in your position I hope I have half your strength and calmness.

berries how are you doing? Hope life is throwing you lots of good days!

count hope all is going well, did you have your scan?

I am having mostly good days, I saw an old friend and I didn't tell her about the EP, it just doesn't seem to overshadow my life in the same way anymore. If that had happened a few months ago, I would have exploded not talking about it. Not being able to talk to people about it was a big trigger for a "bad day". I also met up with some friends who have their 2nd DC. We all have preschoolers the same age and were trying for our 2nd at the same time. It has been really hard in the past to meet up with them, and last week it just seemed a lot easier.

Having said that at the w/e I had a sudden panic that the weird twinges I was having were the start of another EP and it wasn't AF at all. I had to do a pg test to reassure myself. Oh well, overall I'm definitely moving forwards. I'm allowed the occasional moment!

Ninjacat Tue 17-Jul-12 15:31:22

Jelly so sorry you have come to join us.

Nice I love that song and dh and I used to play it all the time for the ds's.
And just incase anyone hasn't heard it here it is

Tas glad you are beginning to heal

Count hope all goes well with the scan

Countmyblessings Tue 17-Jul-12 22:32:10

Thank You- scan went well 1 baby in right place!
Tas - I'm so glad that you are getting stronger as you said not feeling you have to tell an old friend about it! You def sound like your on a " healing and dealing " path which I was on when I got my Bfp!

Ninjacat Tue 17-Jul-12 22:39:56

Whoop Whoop Count

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 18-Jul-12 17:43:10

YES! count I'm doing a jig of joy for you!!! grin

Have I remembered rightly that you had an EP in that tube in 2006?

It gives me hope whatever tube it was!

Countmyblessings Wed 18-Jul-12 18:54:21

Thanks Tas - yes it was although I did get pregnant and have my son in 2010. I think I'm in shock because of how soon it has happened more then it actually happening!!!!
It will be all of you lovely ladies turn real soon, come on I need the company!!!
I may have to go on the ectopic website to seek if anyone has been in my situation so quickly!!!!

Today was a sad day I lurked over onto the December thread where some have had scans to confirm the babies sex I felt very sad!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 18-Jul-12 22:12:12

Congratulations Count and Ninja smile

Sorry you've had to join us Amo and Jelly sad Hope we can help here.

Ilove sorry you're having a bad time, try and enjoy the good days and get through the bad, you're not letting anyone down and you sound like a fab mum xxx [hug]

Tas, Joby and Nice how's things?

Well, the holiday was very wet and rather windy, so we've come home a few days early and will go to places from home instead.

Just as I was thinking I was sorting my life out (part time college course paid for from Sept, accepting my losses, accepting a 1 DC family, looking to the future rather than the past etc), I have a missed AF and had a BFP confusedsmileshock.

I've got a scan booked for Monday, but have been getting niggley, slightly crampy type pains in my remaining tube side... ...so am still planning on a 1 DC family til after Monday.

Scared.

Not wanting to get my hopes up at all.

4 days and 14 hrs to wait.

Ninjacat Wed 18-Jul-12 22:27:27

Count I would have been on the Dec thread too.
Have we both found ourselves on the Feb thread now?

Countmyblessings Wed 18-Jul-12 23:17:43

Ohhhhhhh wow Tired - you just tucked that one in " oh came home early missed AF and got a BFP!!" Congrats - that was quick too right maybe a shorter space then mine!!!!
Sohappyforyou.com
Ninja - ohhhhh ain't that strange, but I missed Feb due in March!!!! The finish line just seem so far!!!!!!
Anyone got a remote so I could fast forwards please!!

iloveberries Thu 19-Jul-12 07:29:30

Wow another bfp post ep! Congrats! This is very good news ladies congrats tired. I hope the scan goes well my love.

Can I be next please? I'd have been on the October thread and am finding it very painful at the moment. I know I'm impatient but everyone around me is getting pregnant in RL. Plus you guys conceived so quickly after your EPs that I feel stupid for waiting the advised two cycles.

slightly self obsessed today

iloveberries Thu 19-Jul-12 08:04:08

Ok - just been thinking about my post over breakfast and cruelly want to apologise for being self obsessed. It's like everyone around me is getting pregnant so easily but of course tired I know you've been through a lot of heartache so it will not be the joyous bfp you experienced with your first ever bfp. Are you having bloods taken or anything to confirm the hcg is doing what it should?

I do slightly kick myself for waiting the 2 cycles a getting on with it quickly seemed to work for ninja and count but hey I can't change the past.

Have a good day all.

Hi tas - how are you?

iloveberries Thu 19-Jul-12 08:05:09

P.s 'cruelly' in my message should read 'really'
Stupid iPhone!

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 19-Jul-12 09:30:43

tired congrats! that's great news, keep us posted. I think it's normal to get niggles and twinges.

berries I don't think you're self obsessed and even if you were, you're allowed to be!! There's no-one really to talk to in RL, here is such a good outlet and we understand. I waited 2 and half months to TTC and it was the right thing for me, I needed to heal after the op, especially physically. I was worried that the other tube needed to heal and get an egg through it. I totally understand how you just want to be pg, I'm not the most patient person, but I'm just trying to get myself in a good place.

I went for counselling again yesterday, it was good to get it all out but I'm not convinced the counsellor was the best person for me. She doesn't have much experience in pg loss and I think that although it's not my only issue, I will be confronting infertility/TTC stress/pg stress/mc stress/ep stress a lot in the coming months and I need someone that will help me along that particular journey.

berries hang on in there!

iloveberries Thu 19-Jul-12 11:09:09

Thanks tas - i am feeling a bit "why is it happening to everyone else and not me?" at the moment?

2 close RL friends conceived their 2nd/3rd DCs on month one of trying and one has been particularly insensitive about it which has been hard.

Anyway - it is reassuring to see all the one tubed wonders getting knocked up!! It gives me hope and I sooooooo want to be next!!

I understand what you mean about counselling tas. You have to find the right person. At my last job I had counselling and the counsellor was amazing (had been through IVF and lost 2 babies herself) so she got it completely. Now I am not eligible as I don't work there and am not depressed enough to get it on the NHS hmm

Could you maybe ask if there's anyone who specialises in pregnancy loss?

Ninjacat Thu 19-Jul-12 11:23:35

Sorry forgot to say congrats Tired! I had niggly pains on one side too but apparently it was from ovulation. Hope scans/bloods and all go well on Monday. I know how long that wait feels.

ILove you very sensibly took the advice you were given. Please don't feel you did something wrong.

It feels really selfish but I can't feel excited about this pg. We still haven't told any one. Things just seem much more fragile this time.

Ninjacat Thu 19-Jul-12 11:24:41

Ps which is why Im hanging out here rather than on a anti natal thread. I hope no one minds.

iloveberries Thu 19-Jul-12 11:33:23

course we don't mind ninja - I will be excatly the same when i get my bfp (get me and my positive thinking!)

iit does seem more fragile after a loss doesn't it. You will be able to feel that excitement after the 12 week scan i hope? xx

Countmyblessings Thu 19-Jul-12 12:01:12

Ilove - your feelings are yours and only you know! Your not being self obsessed at all!!! I would be just like you or worse if I was in your position if you remember ilove I had to leave a thread because it was so hard to see others getting their BFP!
If I could rewind I would of waited and I know that still wouldn't
Of put my mind at ease and remove my fears!
Tas - I understand the reasons why you felt that the councillor wasn't much help and I would def find a someone who deals with childloss
As its a unique one and not everyone knows how to deal with it!
Ninja- I won't be leaving this thread as it has brought such comfort and we share a bond of knowing how it is to have a ectopic and a tube removal!
Ps - not going anywhere without ilove!!!!!!!!

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 19-Jul-12 17:13:08

ninja definitely stay here, it gives me hope that I'll get a BFP! Obviously you too count!!

Yes berries I'll hunt around to find someone who's got more experience in pg loss. I think that I need it just to get me through the next few months, although I am definitely moving forward. I think if I have another EP /MC or am pg or can't have another DC (pretty much all possible scenarios!!) then I'll need some support or my head will explode!

Is there a private therapist that specialises in that kind of thing near you? Some of them do sliding scale fees, it's quite expensive.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Fri 20-Jul-12 23:01:10

berries you are not being selfish, we've all been self-obsessed at some point during our recoveries. I't's normal and is a way of focussing on your own feelings.

tas I'm worried now! My counselling appointment is Wed morning, my counsellor is a bloke so I doubt he'll have much experience in EP or PG loss either!!

If it's any consulation to everyone, it's not been a quick journey for me; my EP was last Dec (would have been due sunday-mixed feelings at the momentconfused), the MC were at the beginning of March then end of April. Hence why I'd more or less given up...

Ninja and count if this all works out, I'll be hanging out here too!

joby21 Sun 22-Jul-12 10:50:50

oooo tired! Tentative congratulations! I remember the terror of the first few weeks after my bfp. It does get easier, although i'm now 19 weeks and still over analysing every twinge! Have just started feeling movements, so am now fretting about that!!

berries You took the advice you were given by healthcare professionals and they gave you that advice for a reason. I was told we could start after one cycle, but think that maybe because i had started to miscarry rather than ruptured, iykwim.... And don't apologise for being self-obsessed! That's the whole point of this thread!

Where i live, there is a woman's centre who you can self refer to for counselling. Does anyone else have one of those? The rates were cheap and how much you paid was dependent in how much you earn. I know there was a bit of a waiting list but that might be something worth looking into if anyone feels like they need it?

Anyeay, hope you are all ok. Am popping in and out of here to keep up to date with you all! Hope you are all enjoying the sunshine and life is looking up for you all x

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 22-Jul-12 20:14:37

hi tired hope you're doing well and that your due date today was ok. I'd just try the counsellor out, you don't have to continue if he doesn't suit you.

joby nice to hear from you, time flies, 19 wks!

Made the most of the sunshine today, feel like I've got lots of vit D. I told a friend about the mmc and the ep today without crying or even much emotion, it's all a step forward.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Mon 23-Jul-12 23:00:27

Tas glad you're chilling out and stepping forward.

Joby 19 weeks? That's gone quick!

berries how are you today? Coping I hope?

I'm going to say, very quietly, "yippee," do a very small smile and a small leap in the air. The scan showed a baby in the right place, with a heartbeat. The pain in my side is due to a corpus luteum and there's a tiny area of haemorrhage, but this shouldn't be a problem, I may just get some spotting.

I'll relax in 33 weeks.

Countmyblessings Tue 24-Jul-12 09:33:41

Wonderful news Tired- so how far are you? It's such a nervous time, apart from feeling tired and MS that seems to want to last all day all is well not long now for my scan, and the days are going quick it must be the sunshine expected!!!!!
Joby - yeh your 19 weeks that great news!
Ninja - how you doing?
Ilove - hope your good and enjoying the sun!

PuffPants Tue 24-Jul-12 10:13:39

Hi, can I join this thread still? I have just had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. Can't tell from reading if you have all moved on to new pregnancies - if so, don't want to bring people down!

smile sad

Countmyblessings Tue 24-Jul-12 11:44:39

Puff pants- may I firstly say how very sorry I am that you have had to endure the horrors of ectopic! Hope your getting loads of support in RL and you still have a place here to share your feelings!
I had my 2 nd ectopic/tube removal in April but recently fell pregnant again but feel totally supported here so am staying but not going to rub it in anyone else's face!
This thread has helped and is still helping me through each day!

iloveberries Tue 24-Jul-12 17:58:59

Hi puffpants and sorry you're here but glad you found us. Some of the ladies here are pregnant again which is fab! Im in month three of TTc post ep and sooo wanting a bfp in the right place that my heart actually aches. Missing the thoughts of my baby who was due in October too sad

But we have to move on and that which doesn't kill us (despite trying) makes us stronger!

Talk to us whenever you need puff pants.... Get it all put here. The amazingly brave women on this thread get it and have been through it too.

Thinking of you-the days and weeks after the surgery were some of the toughest of my life. X x.

iloveberries Tue 24-Jul-12 18:00:04

Ps. Im doing a little yippee and a beaming smile for you tired. well done baby tired on finding your way to the right place!! X x

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 24-Jul-12 18:03:49

hiya puffpants sorry to hear you've been through the hell that is EP as well. I'm not pg either, so please don't think you have to be pg to be here!

We do seem to have a lot of luck with BFPs here lately, so hopefully some of that luck will rub off on me, you and berries

tired brilliant news, well done your little bean for making it to the right place!

PuffPants Wed 25-Jul-12 19:56:10

Hi, bit shocked tbh. Was 6 wks, tube ruptured, had emergency surgery on Sunday to remove it. It had turned into a blood clot the size of a fist. Terrible abdominal pain Sat night then bleeding plus shoulder tip pain which I knew was a bad sign.

Sinking in a bit more now, the reality that is. In hospital I just felt happy not to be in pain anymore. So unreal there too I guess.

So many questions... One thing nobody warned me about was bleeding. Is this normal? I only had a little in hospital but today it's really kicked in, is it a period? Or lochia, like after childbirth? It's quite heavy, not painful though.

DH is off work to look after me, and our DS who is 2.5. Bit sore but moving much better. Headaches today, might be the weather though - so hot, kind of glad to be forced to stay indoors.

Bit of a head spin isn't it? Had a mc about a year ago which I have to confess didn't really affect me at all. This feels different.

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 25-Jul-12 21:07:18

hi puffpants, yes I think it takes a while for it all to sink in and the shock to surface. Taking lots of time to rest up sounds like a good idea.

I didn't bleed much after mine, but it seems like mine was smaller, with less bleeding. I wondered at the time if they had squished some of the blood out while I was under, as I didn't bleed much afterwards. I was 6 wks as well, but it was only just starting to rupture when they operated, so a bit earlier along than you. If you're at all worried go get it checked out, don't leave it til the weekend when everything is closed.

Hope you recover soon, though if it takes a while, that's ok too! It took me a few months to start feeling myself again. I found the physical side healed reasonably quickly, but the emotional/mental side took a lot longer.

IvoryWife Wed 25-Jul-12 21:24:20

Hi everyone, my boyfriend and I were trying without trying for a baby for a few months and eventually I fell pregnant in June this year, I found out when I was 5 weeks pregnant. It came as a bit of a shock to both of us as the pregnancy came slightly earlier than we'd planned. Although we were having unprotected sex, we had planned to wait until we moved in together before we got pregnant. I would be 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant today if everything was going well. This would have been our first (hopefully of many) child. Monday of this week around tea time I started getting severe abdominal cramps followed by bleeding through the night. I phoned the NHS/24 for advice and they made an appointment to get a scan done at the hospital yesterday morning. Both my boyfriend and I were trying to convince ourselves that it was just pain and bleeding due to a possible cervix irritation from sex, however, we were so wrong. I went in for my scan yesterday morning and the ultrasound scanner found no sign of a pregnancy on the external scan so we tried an internal scan. With a bit of poking about inside my uterus I saw my baby for the first time. A little black dot appeared on the screen and my heart skipped a beat looking at my precious growing child. After the scan the ultrasound scanning lady explained that the embryo was growing between my uterus and ovary, meaning I was most likely having an ectopic pregnancy. My heart sank and I burst into tears. I was absolutely heartbroken. I was spoken to by a nurse and a doctor and I wanted to get the injection but my hCG level was 2071 and I was told it was too high and would likely not work in time so I had no choice but to have the operation and had my right Fallopian tube removed along with the ectopic. I was discharged from hospital this afternoon after my op yesterday afternoon. I feel like I have no-one to talk to as I don't know anyone in real life who has had this happen to them. I am only 21 and know there is still plenty of time to conceive again in the future but I am terrified of it happening again. I was told both my ovaries and remaining tube are healthy and normal but I have reduced my fertility by 30% and the chances of me having a second ectopic are 1 in 10. I feel guilty and angry at the same time as my maternal instinct was telling me to protect the embryo but my common sense was telling me that my health and welfare comes first as I can always try again for a baby in future. I am still trying to come to terms with the loss of my unborn child whilst trying to put on a brave face. Part of me still feels pregnant but a bigger part just feels empty. I feel lonely and sad and just wish I had had a miscarriage.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 25-Jul-12 22:04:32

thanks for your best wishes ladies x I wish there was a like button!

Oh Puff and Ivory I'm so sorry for you both. Reading your posts, I know exactly how you feel (as I'm sure all us regulars here do). Ivory you story has bought tears to my eyes. sad

Physically you'll both feel better in a couple of weeks. You will get the equivilent of a heavy period after, I presume you both had laparotomies? If so the "bloating" pain will go in 3-4 days, quicker if you can try to keep active.

Mentally, it can take a lot longer. Personally, it took me about 6 months.

I had my first counselling session today, and had to explain everything I went through, my feelings etc and I still ended up crying. The counsellor asked me what my support network was, this is what made me cry the most. I explained my DH isn't really the "talking-in-touch-with-his-emotions-type"; his attitude is "well there's nothing you can do about it so get over it." I don't really have any close female friends to talk to; 2 are committed child-free types, another has been TTC for years with no luck so didn't want to keep going on about it and making her feel bad, another has just gone through a divorce so has enough on her plate. Which leaves work friends, but I can't really have a good blub at work. My mum's lovely but lives 200 miles away and I don't want her to worry.

Ivory you've been through the shock of a sudden PG, then the loss of a EP. Remember you have a 90% chance of not having another EP, and a 70% fertility smile. Make time to grieve, if you have no one to talk to try for some counselling (mine's through work) and talk to your partner; he's probably grieving to (although they do tend to deal with it differently to us ladies!).

Puff hope you're getting lots of TLC from DH?

PuffPants Wed 25-Jul-12 22:23:01

Hi Tired, thank you for your encouraging words, I actually had laparoscopic (keyhole) surgery and the physical recovery is going ok. I do feel exhausted and weak though - and I look like a ghost.

I had my surgery on Sunday, Ivory, so am just a day ahead of you. I would have been 6+6 today.

I'm glad to hear the bleeding is normal - cant understand why the nurses/gynae didn't tell me this would happen.

DH has been lovely, although in my teary moments he keeps asking me why I'm crying which makes me want to throttle him - men seem to need a logical explanation for everything! I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I feel as though the world has suddenly changed, but nobody on the streets seems to realise it but me.

Countmyblessings Wed 25-Jul-12 23:24:37

My dearest Ivory - words are not enough to let you know how very sorry I am that you have gone through this! It's so very early still and your still full of hormones and the shock of it all has not hit you! There are stages of grief and your on stage1. I don't know if you have read through this thread from the beginning and maybe in time you will do so, we here have all gone through the sadness of ectopic and some like me twice!
Get loads of support from whoever you can, maybe write down your feelings because a few weeks from now you'll look back and think wow look how far I've come!!!! Take 1 day at a time and embrace the feelings that hit you! Every pregnancy is different and the harsh reality is this experience will remain with you forever but you will recover!
There is success after sadness and you one day will have and hold your baby!!!!

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 26-Jul-12 08:32:04

hi ivory, so sorry you find yourself here. It's such a horrible experience, but you will start to feel better. I remember those awful times so well, like count says just take each day as it comes and don't beat yourself up for feeling awful, you are grieving, that is the best way to describe it and it's a process that has to be worked through.

I don't really have anyone to talk to in real life, I have friends I have told the initial story to, but the process just goes on and I don't want to bore them rigid. Very few of them have had any pg losses, so though they are kind, it's not really something they can relate to. I occasionally say I've had a "bad day" but I come on here and the EPT to off load.

I remember a time when I couldn't have even considered TTC again, but here I am giving it a go.

I'm still looking for a counsellor but I am feeling more normal now so it doesn't feel as urgent. Though I'm in the 2ww and freaking out a bit that my one remaining tube is twinging, which means there another EP in there. I know there's nothing I can do about it, though if you could move a pg with wishing and the power of thought alone, then if there's a bean in there, it would be in the right place by now!

puffpants I remember looking like a ghost so well! We went to visit my in-laws about 6 weeks after the EP and I was physically ok again, but obviously still didn't look that great, my in-laws let me have a lie-in, and looked after DD, which they have never done before or since! I hope you are still being looked after, it's really great your DH is at home with you, mine has a wanker boss and there was no way he could have taken time off work, in fact he had loads and loads of overtime sad

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 26-Jul-12 08:39:54

oh and ivory I so know what you mean about wishing it had been a mc, all the while they were investigating the EP, I was praying for a mc, never thought that I could possibly feel like that after the MMC, as it was such a horrific experience.

puffpants I also know what you mean about looking at everyone going about their normal happy business, while you feel like you've been hit by a bus. It does get better, it has taken me about 3 to 4 months to feel more like myself. The bad days are getting less and less now. At first there were more bad days than good, then slowly more good than bad.

iloveberries Thu 26-Jul-12 08:45:47

Hi puffpants and ivory

How are you both doing?
ivory so sorry you had to find yourself here - small consolation but everything you're saying is totally normal and i remember feeling exactly the same. It is so tough that your heart is breaking but life just carries on as normal.

ivory - your story about going for the scan made me cry too. I remember vividly seeing my 'blank' scan and just pray one day i will see my little baby growing and hear it beating heart. I know deep down I will. I can feel it, I just have to be patient!

I also understand what you say about wishing you'd just had a miscarriage - people don't understand the worry that comes with reduced fertility do they?
And of course the increased risk of another EP. In reality I don't think the numbers are too helpful - there was only a 1% chance that any of us wouldhave had an EP and it happened so we just have to trust that our bodies will do what they are supposed to. Be inspired by the stories of joby, count, ninja and tired who have all gone on fairly quickly to have pregnancies in the right place!!

puffpants my DS is the same age as yours so I understand the longing to give him a sibling - plus the horribleness (yes, i know it's not a word!) of seeing everyone else with a DC the same age have a baby or bump. It physically hurts whenever I see this.

I think the only advice I would give is just be kind to yourself. Be selfish. Do what you want to do, see who you want to see and don't think about the rest. Come here whenever you want to talk and there are lots of us here who know how you feel and what you're going through. Don't expect people in RL to get it, some will but some won't. Have strength in the successes of the ladies on here and know it will happen for you soon.

xxx

iloveberries Thu 26-Jul-12 08:47:00

On another note tas - when is your AF due? Hard not to worry I do understand that but you'll be so aware of it you're feeling everything! FX for a baby in the right place for you xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 26-Jul-12 16:32:27

thanks berries, AF is due last day of the month, or 1st August. Are you due soon as well? Fx for the both of us!

For some reason I'm a bit more hopeful this month, think maybe it's because I could feel loads of ovulation pain/twinges on the right side where I have a tube.

I feel faintly ridiculous being hopeful, being more realistic I should expect yet another month of disappointment at best and another EP in worse case scenario.

We're off on hols tomorrow so I could do without any drama. So I'll be off the radar for a couple of weeks - hopefully just having a nice peaceful holiday, not negotiating my way round an EPAU far from home!

iloveberries Thu 26-Jul-12 22:34:49

Where are you off to tas ? Have a great time! Hopefully you'll come back with a tan and a bfp!! Xx

Ninjacat Fri 27-Jul-12 17:11:57

I'm lurking.

Just wanted to say I'm really sorry Puff and Ivory that you have found yourselves here.

Life is a bit shit sometimes. A big hug to both of you (and anyone else on here who just needs one)

PuffPants Sat 28-Jul-12 17:05:06

Can I ask, those who had salpingectomy, how long did it take for your periods to return? I am bleeding right now (6 days post surgery) but I know that's not a period...

Countmyblessings Sat 28-Jul-12 18:40:09

Puff pants - had surgery 30th April had bleeding 5 days after which is what I called " shedding"Lasted 4 days, had 1st AF in June
Got BFP in July!

iloveberries Sat 28-Jul-12 19:41:20

Hi puffpants - it took me about 7 weeks to get my first period after op.
They were 32 days pre ep and are now 30days.
How are you doing?

Becky2007 Sun 29-Jul-12 19:36:37

Just wanted to say thank you to all who responded to my message, I am two months on from my EP. I live life a lot more positive and it has made me appreciate my two children more and take in every moment I have with them. I still have times when I have reminders of the baby I lost and my scars are often my reminders. We now feel its time to try again and hopefully my one remaining tube will still work although the one I have left has had previous surgery on. I just wanted to say what a wonderful website this is and for any woman who is reading these stories and feels doubtful about writing your story it is great source of talking about your events and probably like me friends and family find it difficult to talk about but I do think we all need to talk about it and it makes you realise you are not alone. I will keep you updated of any success that I may have in the future but if not I have a wonderful partner and two great children.

Becky2007 Sun 29-Jul-12 19:38:46

Hi Puffpants

I got my first period after op (May 2012) 8 weeks later but was only on for a day. Now I am back on a regular cycle.

tiredandiwanttogotobed Sun 29-Jul-12 22:56:53

Good luck Becky xx

PuffPants Wed 01-Aug-12 15:53:21

Did anyone else's belly button stitches not heal well? My surgery was 10 days ago, I had my stitches taken out at the GPs on Monday but nurse said it hadn't closed well and put sticky plaster stitches over it. I'm going tomorrow to have those off but it's a bit stingy down there and I'm worried I'm not healing well sad

On the upside, I feel great in my stomach, no pain internally at all smile

iloveberries Wed 01-Aug-12 16:00:36

hi puffpants - all my scars are round the bikini area so can't help you sorry sad

how are you doing?

my cycle has gone out of whack this month for some reason which is a bit annoying!

still hoping i can be the next one tubed wonder to get a BFP in the right place!!

tiredandiwanttogotobed Wed 01-Aug-12 21:56:52

Puff My belly button healed ok, I did have problems with one of my wounds, the disolvable sutures didn't and one got a bit infected. The Dr wouldn't take the sutures out but gave me antibiotics. I took these and removed my own sutures. If your wound is red and angry looking, perhaps you may need some antibiotics?

Glad you're pain free, how are you feeling emotionally? x

Berries I have my fingers crossed for you! x

iloveberries Wed 01-Aug-12 22:00:29

Thanks tired, not sure I'm even ovving now though sad. Something's up with my cycle.....

How are you?

tiredandiwanttogotobed Thu 02-Aug-12 21:37:07

Berries p'raps your body's just revving up for next months BFP?

I'm ok (feeling sick most of the day and hugely bloated but NOT complaining). I'm still cautious about being happy, I've got another scan on Monday so fingers crossed.

How's everyone else?

PuffPants Mon 06-Aug-12 15:44:22

Oh god, I think I have been very stupid.

Had sex last night, unprotected, two weeks after my operation. Got completely carried away blush We'd been ttcing so long we just didn't think about it. Well, I sort of did but not for long iykwim blush

How bad is this? We were planning to wait 6 months! Got scan tomorrow - feel I should fess up! blushblushblush

iloveberries Mon 06-Aug-12 21:42:17

Puffpants - don't stress... A couple of people on this thread had sex soon after and got bfps in the right place! I regret heeding the advice and waiting - I've never seen so much ewcm in the month after my ep but no I was sensible as always and I wish I'd just gone for it. Don't worry at all. It'll either be nothing or it could be the best bonk of your life!!

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 12-Aug-12 19:36:28

hi all, hope you are all doing ok. Any exciting news?

We had a good hols, completely knackered now though. No news here, starting to think I can't be bothered with it all. My remaining tube is probably as knackered as I am! I think we will carry on trying but without holding out much hope. But I will push for a referral to a fertility clinic to get the tube checked out. If it is blocked then there's no point in trying. I could be totally wasting my energy. The only sensible thing about keeping an eye on my cycle is that if I do get another EP, then at least I'll know sooner rather than later. Anyway, all sounds a bit gloomy but I'm not feeling particularly gloomy about it, just realistic.

iloveberries Sun 12-Aug-12 20:19:50

hey tas - i am still here! no news but feeling very much like you! I just cannot be arsed with TTC anymore. Of course we still will but I am just trying to focus on the rest of my life and all the other great things in it and if another baby comes along then WONDERFUL! but if not then i will remain grateful for all i have.

I think I will go and see the doctor this month if nothing happens as I think my cycle has gone odd - Ovved on day 19 this month if the CBFM is to be believed.

Of course it is hard when ds is seeming a little lonely. But i am trying my best for him!! xx

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 12-Aug-12 21:13:32

hi berries, nice to hear from you! Know what you mean about DC seeming to feel lonely. DD said to me this morning, "can I have a brother or a sister?" It felt like a punch in the chest sad, I said I'd do my best then I asked her if she'd seen a baby sister on TV and she said "yes it's a rabbit on the Tweenies" grin.

iloveberries Sun 12-Aug-12 21:22:31

Oh tas - I feel for you. My ds hasn't asked but I know he misses having other kids to play with. How old is dd? - remind me

tasmaniandevilchaser Sun 12-Aug-12 21:54:16

she's 3 and a half, so most of her friends have little brothers or sisters. I am getting better at seeing pg ladies, occasionally I look at babies and think if it wasn't for the MMC I'd have a 2 mth old now. Sigh. Though I'm definitely on the road to accepting it all now. Frankly I don't have much choice, I can't change it! Glad you're feeling better too.

iloveberries Sun 12-Aug-12 22:00:36

Yes, I kind of feel excited for pregnant women now rather than insanely jealous.

I'd have punched anyone who said it but time is a great healer!

iloveberries Sun 19-Aug-12 21:18:29

Another af arrived today. So gutted. So fed up of this ttc lark now. Don't want to stop ttc but am just over the trying. Big time.

How is everyone else? X

Ninjacat Mon 20-Aug-12 11:46:19

Sorry to hear that ILove. Sending you a big hug x

PuffPants Mon 20-Aug-12 19:09:48

sad to hear that Berries. My first AF post-ectopic arrived at the weekend. We're not at the ttc again stage yet. I'm kind of relieved to have a forced break I think. I was I suppose kind of pleased when it arrived as at least things are back to normal down there.

Ttc is not quite the fun you think it'll be years before you start is it? smile

Northey Tue 21-Aug-12 09:08:01

Hello. I have just had a second ectopic and wondered if I could hang out here for a bit.

My first ectopic was removed along with the right tube in September last year. Last week was spent testing and retesting and scanning and rescanning to diagnose the second one. I had surgery on Thursday night and they saved the left tube.

I am still reeling a bit and haven't quite got my head around what I want to say and ask. iloveberries said that there were some people here who had had two ectopics, and I guess I just want to hear other people's experiences round the op and afterwards, if anyone is about?

PuffPants Tue 21-Aug-12 15:10:38

Hello Northey, I'm so sorry to hear that you've had another ectopic. It's very good news that they were able to save the tube at least. Did they say if there was a reason for it or just terrible bad luck? I've just had one so hopefully someone will be along soon with more experience but I wanted you to know people are reading and wishing you all the best smile

tasmaniandevilchaser Tue 21-Aug-12 18:49:12

hi northey glad you found your way here, I just clicked post on the other thread and thought, oops should have told her about here. Just hang out here and get your head round it all. I think LVJ and nicebeaver have had two, but I think nicebeaver waved us goodbye a while back, and went off into the sunset to enjoy life without tubes. Sorry if that sounds a bit flippant. She was in a good place when she left, hope that you get there soon. Do you have any older DC?

berries, I'm totally in the same boat, fed up with TTC but not ready to give up yet. I'm half convinced that I'll have another EP or that I just won't get pg again. I'm trying to live my life without TTC looming over everything. I normally know to the day when AF is arriving and this cycle I'm not really sure, which is a good sign, means I haven't been obsessing so much over it.

hiya puff, hope that things are good with you.
and hi to ninja, how is everything?

Apple27 Wed 22-Aug-12 01:44:00

Hi everyone,
I have had a read through most of the posts on here and want to start with saying I'm sorry to all for your losses and hard times.

I'm 27, married and came off the pill last year (Dec '11), had been TTC for around 6 months (as first AF was a while coming after stopping BC).

Went to the DR with bad abdominal pain on one side, wasn't expecting to be PG as periods have been irregular since they came back after BC, and just for some reason didn't expect it. DR did blood test anyway. He rang and said it was positive and early days. Both me and DH were shocked but over the moon!! Had blood tests to check levels - as I was spotting (TMI - brown). Levels weren't rising as fast as they should be so EPAU suspected not a viable pg - Only 2 days after finding out was pg.

Confirmed EP, and internal bleeding due to ruptured tube. Both me and DH were devastated, even thought we knew since being admitted to hosp that it was possibility still kept slight hope it wasn't.

Was rushed to theatre, left tube and EP removed. Surgeon said right tube was fine, although popped a cyst on the tube whilst they were in there but said it was normal.

I'm 2 weeks on from surgery now, it's been up and down, mainly down but physically seem to be healing ok i think. Have had good support from DH and family that have been trying to think positively about the future, but I needed time (and probably still will) to be negative and think of all the negatives - halved chances/3 month wait TTC/what if it happens again that's my last chance!!

Was such a shock for the first week, from having 2 happy days to being so far from it with lessened chances for the future!! I still feel in shock about it sometimes, but 2 weeks on and a lot of thinking time I am trying to accept that I cant change what's happened, so what I AM worrying about is the future... because it's the unknown!!

Sorry if this is long winded or ramble and I've lost you all, but late night post, lots of info/thoughts...

sad

Apple27 Wed 22-Aug-12 01:47:00

Just wanted to add that reading stories of successful BFP after EP have given me slight hope, but am scared by posts of 2nd EP happening to others.

down and scared sad

Countmyblessings Wed 22-Aug-12 03:48:24

Northey & Apple - so sorry that you also have experienced the horror of ectopic it's so horrible and it take someone who has gone through it once or twice to totally understand!
I have not posted for a while but you may of read my post! Quick recap
Had healthy pregnancy before and was ignorant to many things I blame it on being young! Fast forwards 06 got married and just as I began to wonder if I would get pregnant started having awful abdo pains the pain was horrific ended up in A&E strong painkillers booked scan next day!
So same day I found out was pregnant and maybe losing it!!! After scan was told my baby in left tube but as was 5 weeks they didn't need to operate and I had injection! Was rescan until baby was gone!!!! heartbroken! Tried for ages with no aid of temping or sticks fell pregnant in 09 all was well! Totally erased ectopic out of head!
2011 - MMC at 12 weeks scan!!! Heartbroken as never heard of this before! Telling family baby died was hard!
April 12 - pregnant shock headed to EPU told another ectopic and needed urgent op!!!! Right tube and baby removed totally crushed!
Recovery from this all felt awful, sad and low !
June 12 - enjoying getting back to normal was told to wait 2 cycles I
had 1 fell pregnant and was monitered closely blood tests good
Rising, scan confirmed 1 baby in right place!!!!
Sharing to give hope when all seems lost and impossible there is Hope
For us all xx

Countmyblessings Wed 22-Aug-12 03:49:15

Wow that was long - sorry I did say quick!

Fizzyfluff Wed 22-Aug-12 12:22:27

Hi, I've just had a second ruptured ectopic and looking for some UK support.

I have a dd who is now 6. We starting ttc #2 in 2008, conceived straight away but was a mmc which was picked up at 10wks. Then had another mc which we lost at 7wks in 2011. In Jan of this yr I had my first ep, I had bleeding and one sided pain (5 +3)so was getting my bloods done, when they didn't rise I was asked to go in the next day for a scan and it ruptured while I was waiting to be seen. Lost my right tube with keyhole surgery. I was VERY lucky that I was in the hosp at the time as my husband was out of the country and we live quick far away from a hosp. It was all very dramatic and with a sense of urgency when it had ruptured, like being on tv!

So when I got a bfp in July I had a sense of urgency and took myself to the GP who was very laid back, was more interested in 'booking me in' to the hospital to give birth etc. she didn't refer me to the EPU (where I'd been twice previously). She got my bloods taken but it was taking 3dayd to get results as she didn't ask for urgent results- I ended up asking the nurse to get them sent urgently, and also asked for them to check progesterone levels. Had bloods taken 3 times and they were trebling each time (yay!). Then at 5+3 again I had one sided pain- same side. I really thought it was just stretching and moving pain, but took myself to hosp for reassurance. Hcg was 3500, so they should have been able to see at least a sac and couldn't. Gave me the mex injection. It kept me in hosp that night. During the night it ruptured again- and there was a sincere lack of urgency from the nurses on the ward, took them ages to contact the consultant, and then it all went a bit 'casualty' style when they came down. Turns out that my lo had travelled from the good tube and over into the remaining bad side, where it attached itself to the stump (really don't like this term). I was very lucky as the operation they had to do carries a high risk of bleeding and needing a hysterectomy, which I didn't need. Couldnt be done with keyhole though, so my healing is much slower. I was back to work in 3.5 wks last time. I'm now 3wks after the op and have only started getting out of bed!

Been a bit tearful the last few days. Because I had the injection I can't even drink for 12 wks (9 and counting), and I could really do with a drink! I'm very lucky I can take so much time off work, I'm thinking minimum of 8wks this time (can't drive for 6). Last time I used the babybump app, and was involved in setting up the ectopic forum, but I'm wanting some uk support I think. Or maybe trying to distance myself from people I've comforted when I need to be the comforted this time. Not really sure of my reasons.

I've no idea what to do re further pregnancies. I was told it was extremely rare, but I see quite a few ladies here have had 2 ep's. I couldn't mange a 3rd one, couldn't put my family through this again. Xxx

Sorry bit of a long one, having a wee gurn while I'm typing x

Apple27 Wed 22-Aug-12 20:53:29

Hi count thanks for your reply, sorry to hear about your losses. excellent news about the PG since, good luck.

Hello fizzy sorry to hear you've been through it twice, both yourself and count - did you get told after the first EP that it is rare to have 2 EP? My Dr is very experienced in family planning and gynae - he said in his experience he's never heard of anyone having 2 EP, which was quite reassuring then reading on here there seems to be quite a few. I'm just scared.

What I still struggle with is why it happens? there doesn't seem to be any answer. and nothing can be done to prevent it! Scary.
x

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 22-Aug-12 21:03:53

hi all,
apple so sorry you find yourself here. Hope that you carry on recovering, and life gets back on track. You know that your chances of conceiving aren't halved, our tubes are quite wriggly apparently and can hoover up eggs from either side. I've heard of lots of ladies who have ovulated on the tubeless side and got pg. Sorry if I've taken away one of your things to be negative about but in my experience, there's plenty to be negative about! Take a ray of hope where you can!!

My EP was in Feb, I'd say it took me 3 months to feel ok again, and 6 mths to feel good. Still I had a row with DH the other day, where he said actually you've been a grumpy cow, so feeling good and seeming good to others are clearly different things! I've found work a lifesaver, just somewhere where I'm so busy I can forget about all the shit. Like Count, I had a MMC discovered at the 12 wk scan (in Nov 2011) - that and the EP so close together really floored me.

Anyway, hi to fizz, you've really been through it, 2 EPs and this time having the metho and then the surgery is shitty. I can totally understand how you couldn't face a 3rd. Though you must have one good tube, what did your docs say about the stump, could anything implant there now? Hope you are taking it very easy and being looked after.

tasmaniandevilchaser Wed 22-Aug-12 21:08:13

apple, I know what you mean about wondering why, I still wonder why quite often. I get stressed about possible ways to get infections, including blush from loo roll. I know that sounds daft but the EP was such a traumatic event that my brain has been a bit burned by it.

I know there's nothing we can do to prevent it either, it's so rubbish. I'm having acupuncture but more for stress and regulating cycles, it's not going to stop an EP. I often think what a rubbish design! Why do we even need tubes??!

Apple27 Wed 22-Aug-12 22:06:12

thanks tas yeah ive been resting quite a lot as well as trying to get out a little bit to do a bit more every day, especially the first week after surgery - i think trying to walk about the house and keep up and about a little bit throughout the day has helped my physical recovery.

I still get occasional pulls on the right side when I move in certain ways or a bit too much, but I'm going back to work next week (3wks post-op) as I think I'll be like that for a whie, plus work is busy and I need to get back.. which i know is the wrong reason to go back but I do think I'm ok to.

odd questions maybe but how long did anyone wait to a) drive and b) have sex (protected).

xx

Iloveberries Wed 22-Aug-12 22:33:40

Hi northey apple and fizzy - shit, three of you. So sorry ou all had to find yourself here and I especially can't imagine the horror of going through it again so wishing you strength at this time.

apple I wanted to have sex with dh really quite soon after but I think we waited a couple of weeks. I did heed the advice given to wait for 2 periods though a couple of people here haven't and got pg in the right place quickly. I drove after a week. I also went back to work quite quickly - 2 weeks. I wanted to be busy. It's a personal thing and I guess depends On the type of person you are and your line of work.

Hi tas - hard that dd is asking all those baby things. It's heartbreaking isn't it. My ds hasn't stated that yet but of course I get all the usual "oh when are you having another one?" etc and am constantly seeing mums with kids ds' age and 99% have a bump or baby ( and the other 1% probably have older kids!!). It is hard. Dh is also on steroids which he assures me don't affect sperm but dr google says they do. So I feel we're up against it in many ways. I still believe we will get our baby #2 though - and (s)he'll be worth the wait.

Ladies do come and post here any time appleyoure not alone and I also get heartened by stories of bfps from fellow one tubed wonders!!!! Xxx

MakeHayNotStraw Wed 22-Aug-12 22:44:13

I'm not sure I should really be joining this thread as although my pg is ectopic (about 5 weeks according to hcg levels) my body does seem to be sorting it naturally. I have been bleeding heavily for about a month, and have had severe pain on and off for nearly 2 weeks - dr sent me away twice with laxatives and reassurances that the bleeding was normal after breastfeeding for so long shock. Anyway, another dr did a pg test (I got another opinion as I was in agony over the weekend) and sent me straught to the hospital on monday. A scan (tuesday) confirmed that it was in the tube and I was nil by mouth last night as they thought they would need to operate. Today they realised my hormones were dropping, another test confirmed that and I have to go back in on friday for more blood tests.
So nothing like the stories that you ladies have, but right now I am sad, achey, crampy and still bleeding. And a bit scared in case they are wrong and it suddenly ruptures.

PuffPants Thu 23-Aug-12 15:55:32

MakeHay, I'm really sorry to read your story - it sounds incredibly stressful and upsetting. A pregnancy loss is horrible however it happens - and awful that yours has been so drawn out. I don't think I could bear to be in pain for such a long time. For me it was just one (admittedly horrible) night and then I was fixed pretty quickly.

When is your next appointment? They will want to be sure it has all cleared, especially with an ectopic I believe. Stay on here and hopefully you will find the support you need. Ask questions and someone is bound to know the answer.

All the best smile

tasmaniandevilchaser Thu 23-Aug-12 17:23:35

hi all,
apple we don't have a car so I'm not driving, but as for sex, I was too scared for a while and it took a few weeks to even be able to attempt it. Even then the first time was not exactly relaxing. I kept thinking "this could kill me". But I'm still here! I've found work a good distraction from it all.

hi makehay hope that it all resolves soon for you, sounds like it has been dragging on, as mine did. Not much fun. Of course you're welcome here, all EPs are different, but they're all shit. My friends/family have tried to be kind but they can't understand, luckily for them! Forums like this are the only place you'll find people who do have an idea.

MakeHayNotStraw Thu 23-Aug-12 17:26:29

thank you - it's not been a fun couple of weeks, I must admit. I have another blood test tomorrow to check that my hcg levels are still falling, if they are then they will keep monitoring me but let nature do its thing; if not I will have to have surgery I think. Hand holding for the test tomorrow morning would be much appreciated.

loopybear Thu 23-Aug-12 18:30:07

Hi everyone it always amazes me that my gp tells me Ectopic is rare and yet there are so many of us. Apple reading ur thread was like reading my own. In 9 months I had a miscarriage and 2 Ep even though with only one tube I was told I wasn't likely to get pregnant. The first happened on a weekend so I missed seeing top specialist. 2nd I saw her and bless her she spent 55 minutes internally scanning me to prevent surgery. She is fab and if I ever get pregnant again I will pay to see her privately. She said her advise was to grief, have some counselling (pay if I could as would take months for me to get it on nhs and I needed someone who understood pregnancy loss) and let my body, soul and family recover and then if i wanted try again and contact the epu as soon as i know I'm pregnant. Alternatively I could start trying 12 weeks after mex injection. So I'm 18 months down the line I've run a marathon (having never run before) and I love another baby but I don't know if I could survive another loss. For DH me being pregnant means he and DD risk loosing me (was a very close call 1st time) so I focus on being grateful for everything I have. I cry when the waves of grieve hit and I don't beat myself for feeling jealous and angry when others have children so easily!