Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

(462 Posts)

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment sad What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

sprinkles77 Wed 04-Jan-12 14:36:39

Didn't want to read and run. Very, very sorry for your loss, its awful, and I do understand about feeling like you've failed in the guardianship of this much wanted baby. I'm sure you know intellectually that there was nothing you could do differently. I'm going to say something than you might find a comfort, or you find is no comfort at all. The vast majority of miscarriages prior to 12 weeks are the result of a genetic abnormality that is not compatible with life. This is nature's shitty, shitty way of not putting you through a later MC, a still birth or a neonatal death. It's still fucking awful. I'm there too.

I have also had a MMC, diagnosed at 12 weeks, although mine was shown to be an anembryonic pregnancy. The options I was given were 1. let nature take it's course (could take 6 weeks or more, and hard to predict pain etc, cannot guarantee complete). 2. medical management (much quicker, could be very painful, cannot guarantee complete). 3 ERPC with general anaesthetic (quickest option, least painful, most likely to be complete, though not guaranteed, risk of surgical complications and of the anaesthetic).

Due to various delays I have been going the natural route for over 2 weeks. It has at times been very very painful and messy, and a scan showed that it is not complete. I could have had medical management last week, but as I also have a toddler to look after, I found the relative unpredictability of this unacceptable. The pain was pretty bad, and there would be much more to come with medical management. I have an appointment for ERPC tomorrow.

Tommy's is a charity that runs support groups for families who have suffered MC, still birth and I think neonatal deaths. You can google them. I found the NHS choices website useful, as well as this topic in talk on MN.

HTH, PM me any time.

HappyHippyChick Wed 04-Jan-12 14:44:07

So sorry to hear about your loss, I know there isn't anything I can say to make you feel better, but this wasn't your fault and nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome.

I had a similar situation except I started bleeding the day before my 12 week scan so had some warning. I had an ERPC which was quick and painless. I went in in the morning and was out in the afternoon. It was heartbreaking but all the staff in the hospital were lovely.

0H Sprinkles you have made me cry again, thankyou so much for your reply. My heart is now breaking for you too, life is shite.

I do understand that the baby was probably not viable and this is really the best thing, but as I has absolutley so symptoms it has hit me sooo hard. As I had no symptoms my only fear today was the nuchual fold test, which I think may have come back high and I would have to had an amnio. Maybe nature took this out of my hands sad
Work have been fab and I can take as much time as I need.

You are very brave to go down the natural route, not sure I could. I think given the choice I may go for the ERPC. Like you the medical route isn't a good option I have a full time job and a toddler and thought of "putting your life on hold" as it were seems aweful. So unpredicatable sad

Once agian thankyou so much, it has helped so much.

grippingon Wed 04-Jan-12 14:55:34

I can feel your pain and anguish, and I really hope I can help. I have had a missed miscarriage 3 years ago, 2 years ago I had a miscarriage again at 8 weeks. I then became pregnant again and now have a 10 month old baby. I am also over 40. I really hope this helps. When I was in your position I thought that I would never be able to stop crying, I remember the emptiness so very well. I hope you recover quickly.

HippyChick Thankyoi for you kind words and so sorry for your loss.

I really am stearing towards the ERPC but will listen to all the advise provided tomorrow. This should have been such a happy day, I was so looking forward to showing DD her new sibling on the scan photo.

sprinkles77 Wed 04-Jan-12 15:03:42

Not brave! Just had no choice because of all the bank holidays, but ERPC booked for tomorrow, so pleased it will be all over. Will update you once it's done!

Thanks for kind words grippingon sorry for your loses but congratulations on your baby, it does give me hope thankyou.
We had the next 7 months all planned out and now that has all gone out of the window grin(

Sprinkles good luck for tomorrow I will be thinking of you.

loubloutwinmum Wed 04-Jan-12 15:22:29

Oh heels I'm so sorry to hear that - we were on the July thread together but I left day before you & haven't been brave enough to go back so hadn't read your news! I'm really so sorry. I only had a day of tummy pain & brown discharge but knew when I was scanned it wasn't going to be good news. I am playing the waiting game, hoping things happen naturally! Hospital not given me much info, just a date for rescan next Tues!! I feel so in limbo & am just a mess emotionally. I'm lucky that my work have been great too so will take some time. I really feel for you Heels & hope you have a positive appt tom & get care & sensitivity from the professionals. My midwife has been great but hospital very matter of fact!

My girls (8) are staying with their grandparents after schl today until Fri - just struggling to hold it together & don't want them knowing. My DD asked me this morning if I was sad because DH had burnt the toast!! Here if you need to talk Heels, it is utter utter crap but hopefully us ladies can support each other.

Loublou hello, wish I wasn't here.
So sorry you are still in limbo, did you request to go the natural route ?
My worry is I have had a dead baby in me for approx 4 weeks, could it be doing me any harm (for future pregnancies really).
I am a mess too and looking forward to cuddling DD when she gets in from the CM at 5.30.

I was so worried about Downs test, I didn't even think about this sad
I knew as soon as she scanned something was wrong, Baby was tiny.
Lady was lovely though, same lady as scanned me at 6 weeks and confirmed everything was in the right place. Must be aweful delivery such horrible news. She also had it confirmed by a colleague.

Will let you know what the hospital says tomorrow. Hope things speed up for you and aren't too painful. Take Care sad

loubloutwinmum Wed 04-Jan-12 17:15:19

No Heels didn't request I go natural route, they just said that because baby was measuring correct for 6 weeks they had to give it every chance??? I was a bit taken aback & said I know my dates were right & DH & I haven't had sex in between (poor thing) as been feeling so rough. Even so they said I should go home & if I bleed to contact GP or go to A&E!! I would rather not go to A&E, my experience of that with last M/C was not a good one!

If nothing has happened for me tom, will prob contact midwife or GP. I will be thinking of you tom & hope cuddles with DD help. Xxxx

Sounds very poor to me. I wouldn't be happy if I was you, that is a terrible way to be treated.
I am yet to find out how things will go for me tomorrow, I may be told the same thing, but I get the feeling not. Scan lady didn't want to go into it as she wasn't a doctor, but said I had "choices to discuss".
With my ectopic the hospital were bloody fantastic, so hoping this will be the same.
Cuddles with DD helped, I am so lucky but so want her to have a sibling.
Thinking of you too, I would speak to midwife tomorrow there must be more options for you.

sprinkles77 Wed 04-Jan-12 21:10:14

loublou I was also advised to wait a week as theoretically the pregnancy could be 5 weeks rather than 12, so they ought to give it a chance, as it was a much wanted pregnancy. I also knew my dates and when we'd had sex since and knew it was impossible. The doctor said that she thought I was probably the most knowledgeable person on the subject, but that she had to follow protocol because if not we would always wonder if we'd done the right thing. So I have also had a defunct pregnancy inside me for probably about 2 months. I'm sure the risk of harm doing nothing is less than the consequences of acting too early, or they wouldn't risk it. It's sterile up there so the risk of infection is pretty low, unless you have had a lot of dilation, but if that has happened chances are most of the products have been passed I suppose.

loubloutwinmum Wed 04-Jan-12 22:14:34

Thanks Sprinkles that helps a lot. I understood what the hospital was saying but like you I am sure of my dates so the waiting is just horrible. Trying to function even remotely normally is impossible, how did you cope waiting a week? Did things then happen naturally? It is just so upsetting, I feel totally lost. Thanks for posting, talking on here is keeping me sane, just about!

shomes Thu 05-Jan-12 13:49:58

Hi Ladies, I recognise some of you from the july 2012 thread, I went for my scan today and all they could see we the sac and a very small blob like thing, she asked me if i could have my dates wrong but i don't think so> I should be 12 weeks and the sac is only measuring 6, i think the worst but am being scnned again on the 16th to make sure, feel a bit empty to be honest.

loubloutwinmum Thu 05-Jan-12 14:19:05

Oh Shomes I'm so sorry. We are in the same boat, I am waiting for rescan next Tues but I know baby has died. Did you have any bleeding or signs things weren't ok or was it a total shock? It is so awful isn't it & just being in this horrendous limbo land is unbearable. I spoke to my midwife today & she said I could make a fuss & insist they bring the scan forward as I am not coping emotionally (understatement)! I just don't know I can face making the call & being pushy as I feel so fragile. Hope you get through the next week Shomes, I know how awful it is & the uncertainty of what we have to face. Keep talking on here, it does help!

Heels been thinking of you, hope your appointment has been ok. Sending you lots of strength, we will get through this somehow. Xx

On no shomes sorry to hear you have joined us over here on this sad thread sad Sounds like I have been a little bit luckier in the fact that I was scanned at 5+6 and was measuring exactly as that, so they do know my dates are correct.
I would hate to be going through what you and loublou are going through, must be so difficult as you are in limbo.

My appointment went well and they offered me Natural management or ERPC so I opted for the ERPC. Once that is over I can start to move on and hopefully convince DH to try again. At the moment he is not sure he wants to sad which I think I am finder harder to deal with as that is the only thing that is keeping me going.

loubloutwinmum Thu 05-Jan-12 18:13:46

Heels glad you appt went well, when will you have the ERPC? I spoke to midwife at length today which helped a bit as I am clearer what will happen next Tues. Was also worried that if I started bleeding at home would have to go to hospital but she said if I can manage at home, there is no need.

Sorry your DH is unsure about trying again. My DH has been hit very hard by this but I haven't been brave enough to broach the subject with him yet. I am not 100% sure I can face going through this again, I know there is no reason for it to happen again but who knows! How are you feeling physically, no pain?

shomes Thu 05-Jan-12 18:14:12

I think that this feeling is the worst feeling I have ever had and to be honest the hardest day we have had since my FIL died two years ago. However as much as I am devastated i know i would rather know now than later on and i bless my lucky stars that I have a wonderful DS 3.9 that is a joy to have around and very sensitive. I am trying to carry on as normal but I know in my heart that my dates were right and the ultrasound was not normal so In a way i am already prepared for the worst. I really feel for you all also and it is so good to know other people are going through this too and that we are not alone.
Heres to feeeling better very soon xxx

bonzo77 Thu 05-Jan-12 20:10:06

loulou I ended up waiting 18 days between diagnosis and ERPC. The first week involved lots and lots of awful bleeding, cramps, clots etc. Scan then showed most of pg remained. Then next 10 days were v light spotting and no pain. I was very very sad when it was diagnoised. And had a terrible day of crying 4 days later (which coincided with the worst of the clots). But since then I have felt fine. Really OK. Just home from my ERPC, feeling fine, moderate very wet bleeding but no pain. HTH

loublou go in tomorrow morning at 10am and should be able to go home around 6pm. Just been out and bought some maternity sanitary towels, which are in the baby section so had a little tear. Still no pain at all, it all seems a little sureal still.
I am sure I will be able to talk DH round, I think he is worrying about me more than anything. After the ectopic and now this.
Hope you have reasonable weekend and if something happens that it is managable for you and not too distressing.

Shomes the waiting must be dreadful, I really feel for you. I have been lucky and this time tomorrow it should all be well on the way to being over. Children really are a blessing at times like these aren't they, DD has be fab today. My Mum has her at our house today so when I got back from the hospital she was waiting to greet me. I think I have been more patient with her today rather than the stressfull, 2 hour tea, bath, bed routine, we had a lovely time and she went off no problem, which was wonderful.
It is good to know we are not alone, and I drink to that wine but I wish none of us were here.

bonzo77 Sorry you have been through this, no one should have to wait that long that's terrible. Hopefully by this time tomorrow I will be home and feeling OK too. Hope this is now the start of closure for you and you can start the healing process.

loubloutwinmum Fri 06-Jan-12 00:28:57

Heels will be thinking of you tom & really hope it goes well & you are back home tom eve. I feel so bad for my DH as he feels so useless & like yours, is very protective so it is so difficult for them. I'm sure your DH will try again if it is what you want. You will be in my thoughts tom, good luck.

Shomes it is unbearable isn't it but like you am so thankful for my children, they get you through that is for sure.

Bonzo your experience sounds horrendous, glad you are ok after your procedure & I hope you can start to come to terms with it now & start moving forward, as hard as that will be! So sorry for what you've been through.

I have started bleeding this evening, very light & very pink & watery but things are happening. The best scenario for me is that I miscarry naturally, go back for scan Tues & everything is gone! That is so hard to type because I don't want it to be gone but know it has to happen one way or another!

giraffesCanGoFirstFootingOnNYE Fri 06-Jan-12 00:54:36

so sorry x

shomes Fri 06-Jan-12 08:13:54

I have a bit of pink and brown blood too when going to the toilet, so i'm sad to think it will probably happen anyway this weekend.Unfortunately its also the weekend of my 30th birthday so not such a good time. I'm going in to work today to try and stay normal but i'm not sure how that is going to go sad thinking of you all today and I hope soon we can all have that joyous pregnant feeling again however nervewracking it will be xx

I'm so sorry sad

I had a mmc last January and remember only too well that trip to Boots for pads and paracetamol sad I opted for the ERPC as well and it really was the best thing. Physically over with very quickly and meant I could concentrate on mental healing.

I had been carrying a dead baby round for 5 weeks so know exactly what that thought does to your head. Good luck for today and take care of yourself x

Sorry for all your losses, I should have said. Many hugs to everyone going through it sad xx

bonzo77 Fri 06-Jan-12 11:28:24

havetowearheels thinking of you today. I'm recovering well, can't believe how straightforward its been. Physically fine, with a little bleeding, absolutely no pain. The hospital called this morning to check I was feeling OK! Have just ordered my OPKs and signed back up to fertility friend as Dr said we can have sex in 2 weeks. Counting the days!!!

Evening Ladies, I am back and seem pretty fine physically. No pain, little bleeding and no effects of the anaesthetic, infact I made DH stop of at Kentuky on the way home as I was starving, two slices of toast since 8pm yesterday and I was starving.

I did have a bit of an emotional time in the hospital when the thought of my baby actually going really upset me. I then had to think back to my notes which showed crown to rump measurment of 1.7cm which clearly was not good at 12 weeks.

Hospital was wonderful, really lovely and got to read half my new book as I got there at 10am and went down at to theater at 3.45pm (last of the day), then they wouldn't let me go until 8pm.

Now need to move on with my wife and hopefully start trying again.

Thanks for your thoughts Gwen, you really do need closure don't you and I think ERPC speeds that up.

shomes hope you had an OK day at work, and that things are not too painfull, I really feel for you having to go this route. Hope you have an OK birthday and have a wine to make you feel a bit better, maybe a takeaway and movie in front of the telly is the way to go. Oh and a cuddle with your DS is always a good tonic.

Loublou hope you are doing OK and not in too much discomfort. I felt the same as you today, didn't want my precious baby to be gone, but knew it had to happen for us to move on as family. Feel a bit empty tonight sad

bonzo thanks for your thoughts, glad to here you are on the mend and looking forward to trying again, hopefully this time next year we will all be holding a little bundle smile
I just need to convince DH that it is a good idea at 41 to try for another baby smile

hi havetowearheels been thinking of you glad all went well and your ok i had no pain either after to op x

loubloutwinmum Fri 06-Jan-12 22:39:43

Heels so glad it went well today or as well as something so awful can. Glad at least you aren't feeling too bad physically & very glad the hospital were kind & sensitive. 41 is nothing these days, plenty of time left.

I'm OK, bleeding but not that much yet but in quite a bit of pain. My lovely Mum has been here today looking after me which has been really nice. I am dreading this weekend but just hoping it won't be as horrendous as I am expecting. Think I want to try again but need to let hormone levels settle before I make a decision & convince my DH of course! It so shit isn't it, just want to go back a few weeks to that lovely place!

Shomes hope you are doing ok, I know it is awful but be strong.

loubloutwinmum Fri 06-Jan-12 22:41:29

Bonzo glad you are doing well & good luck with TTC again, hope it happens quickly ( you know what I mean) xx

SwanseaMum Fri 06-Jan-12 22:44:42

Hi am so sorry for all of your losses. I am breaking my heart reading them but it feels kind of good to know that I am not alone.
I am 2 weeks post d&c I was 11weeks and 5 days I had less than a week till my 12week scan. Worse of all was that i had seen my baby's heart beat in an early scan I was 6weeks then. I had a silent mc a week later. I still felt pregnant. my hips started to hurt and I felt sick all the time. I started bleeding on Wednesday. My mw managed to get me a scan in epu on Friday 23rd of December. I was given the usual options but I couldn't go through Christmas waiting to pass what had been such a big pof my life. I was take down to theatre the same day. I didn't know what to expect. I bled for nearly 9days and the cramps were terrible. I have to boys who have been the only thing that has kept me going. I haven't r had time to grieve my loss so I am not doing so good.
I hope we can all find some inner peace.

bonzo77 Fri 06-Jan-12 23:07:21

heels please to hear you are recovering physically, I definitely feel better mentally knowing that I can move on with life.

lou if you are in lots of pain you can get stronger pain relief. Mine all kicked off on 23rd Dec and the out of hours Dr faxed a script for codeine to a local all night pharmacy, which I could then collect immediately. If you can, try to get that organized before the pain gets any worse, it made it much easier to cope with physically, and also gave me the sense of sleepiness, calmness and dissociation that opiates provide very well.

swansea your experience sounds so sad. I had thought that when I get pregnant again I would want an 8 week scan. But to have seen it was OK, then lose it would be awful too. But maybe not as bad as getting to the 12 week scan and finding out. Which is what would have happened to me if I had waited (my scan was booked for the afternoon, but I had bleeding and arranged a scan in the morning). It was good that you had the option of the ERPC before xmas. I would have done the same if it had been available for me.

Swansea sorry to hear your sad news but even sadder that you still seem to be in a bad place. You are not along, we are all hear if you need to talk things through. Shomes and Loublou were on the July Due date thread together and have sadly found ourselves reunited over here.
I too had an ealy scan and felt completely reassured by it as you did. I also continued to feel pregnant with nausea subsiding when I was about 11 weeks so had no idea this had happened.

Sounds like you also had a tough time after the ERPC which probably hasn't helped the healing process for you and also the time of year when you had to be chipper for your boys. Please take time to grieve for your loss, your little ones will be understanding, my DD is 2 so doesn't understand but knows mummy is sad and needs cuddles.

loublou sorry to hear you are in pain, what are you taking, hospital advised parcetamol and codiene.
Maybe when the time is right (should you decide to try again) we can exchange manipulation tac tics for our DH's.

Hope you manage some sleep tonight, will check in with you all tomorrow.

barkwithnobite Fri 06-Jan-12 23:10:41

So sorry to hear this xxxx

Bubbaloo Fri 06-Jan-12 23:40:49

My heart goes out to all of you.I was also on the July thread,started bleeding on Boxing Day and had a mc in the early hours of New Years Day.
I was exactly 10 weeks pg and after having 2 successful pregnancies,assumed all was well with this one too sad
I am still bleeding but have had a scan and was told everything has now passed.Hopefully the bleeding will stop soon.
Dh and I are also keen to start ttc again soon,as I'm I'll be 39 next birthday and dh is already in his 40's.
I don't post very often,but wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you all-life can be so cruel sometimes xx

loubloutwinmum Fri 06-Jan-12 23:58:23

Swanseamum so sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment too. Wish I could say something to help but keep talking on here & hopefully we can all help each other.

bonzo got some codeine on the go already & hot water bottles are helping, thanks.

bubbaloo so sorry you have found yourself here too, it is just beyond shit! I am 38 next b'day so now how you feel but there is no rhyme or reason to this, I had a M/C at 26 too! I was starting to think I will be thankful for my two girls & let it go but I really don't think I can. I know the next pregnancy will be hard, but not trying again will be much harder as I will always wonder, what if!!

Herls we can def exchange tactics for using on our DH, I'm sure 2 very smart ladies like us will come up with a master plan!

Drugged up & going to try & sleep for a while! Hope you are all doing ok ladies.

Just checking in. Just went to the hairdressers DH dropped me off and I walked back only about 1/2 mile on the flat but I am feeling it now sad oh well DD is asleep so can stick my feet up for a bit. Other than that feeling fine.

Bubbaloo sorry you find yourself here too. Even more sorry you are still suffering. Good luck with rtying again at least you have a partner that agrees at this point smile I had an ectopic and lost a tube in Dec 2008 and was happliy waiting for periods to return, In February I started to feel a bit sick so did a test and I was pregnant (8 weeks lol) turns out I must have conceived 8 days after I had the operation. Hopefully things will be as quick for you. DD was born 8 weeks after my first DD so it took my mind off it a little.

Loublou sorry you are still in pain sad hopefully it will pass soon x

Redbird12 Sat 07-Jan-12 15:28:58

Glad to have found this thread. I had my 1st scan this morning and could see baby but no heartbeat. It was so upsetting as I haven't had any signs, a couple of days with some cramping but midwife said it was nothing to worry about so I was feeling fairly positive about the scan and now have to accept there is no baby although it is still inside me.

I have been told to go to doctor's Monday morning and they will refer me to the hospital same day to discuss options. I really don't want to wait for natural mc not knowing when it will happen & now knowing baby has been dead inside me for the last 3-4 weeks already.

I was waiting until after the scan to tell work I was pregnant now I am having to tell & 'untell' them at the same time as need to explain why I won't be in Monday. Does anyone know how long am i likely to need off work if i have ERPC - would it be just a couple of days or more like a week or 2? I know i shouldn't be worrying about work at this time but I am covering for other people myself at the moment and have a big presentation coming up & I'd just like to know what to expect.

Thank you for all the advice I have seen already reading through this thread, hope everyone else is doing ok, sorry to be joining you in this sad place but glad of the support thanks

loubloutwinmum Sat 07-Jan-12 15:29:54

Heels glad you are feeling ok but take it easy for the rest of the day & put your feet up for while.

I'm not having a great day today, bleeding tapered off & I just want to feel there is an end in sight. Feeling really low & very tearful, wasn't so bad yesterday but today I feel so much worse! DH struggling today too, I know he is very worried about me. Girls are being very good & I'm getting lots of cuddles but one of them has a stinking cold & cough, poor thing! Have a good afternoon Heels & thinking of you too Shomes & Bubbaloo. Hope you are both doing ok bonzo & Swansea?

loubloutwinmum Sat 07-Jan-12 15:40:06

redbird so very sorry you are here too. I am playing the waiting game & hoping things would happen naturally for me before being rescanned Tues but not much is happening! You will see Heels had ERPC yesterday so she is better placed to advise. From what I've read everyone is different & their bodies react in different ways, some recover very quickly while others take a few weeks. I am sorry, that isn't much help. The emotional side of things is harder to predict. I've missed 2 days of work this week & won't be at work next week so will have to get a certificate. So sorry again for what you are going through, keep talking on here & take care, hope you have lots of supprt in RL.

Redbird so sorry you find yourself on this thread. I know exatley how you are feeling and I too understand that you don't want to go the natural route.

The information the hospital gave me was to rest for 48 hours and see how it goes. They recommended I have a week off as bleeding should have stopped completely by then. saying that mine was done late yesterday afternoon and so far I have only had light bleeding sort of like last day of a period. Please remember though that there is not just the physical healing, you have to mourn your little baby and take time for you. I know some people would feel better at work, keeping occupied, so that is up to you. I am going to have next week off and spend some time with my daughter.

If you want to know anymore about my ERPC please let me know, I will be happy to provide you with what to expect although I expect all hospitals are different.

Thinking of you

bonzo77 Sat 07-Jan-12 15:48:09

redbird I had the ERPC on thursday (48 hrs ago). I have felt fine, physically ever since. Bleeding has nearly stopped and no pain at all. Am horseriding tomorrow, and will be back at work on wednesday (would be back monday but work PT). That's how quickly I'm getting over it. But 1. we all recover differently 2. your situation might be different in terms of the surgery. 3. you might need longer psychologically. I would say get a week off absolute minimum for the physical side alone, but you could need much longer. I'm rather shock at the process they are asking you to go through. The midwife should be able to refer you directly to EPU. Can you self refer? Ours operates a walk in clinic. A GP visit will delay things. Where are you?

lou sorry to hear you are having a down day, there's not much I can say, just that hopefully with time you will just feel better. It's lovely that your family are supportive.

heels pleased you got out for some pampering, even if it did take it out of you for a while. Once my mmc had been diagnosed I had a big hair re-do. Definitely made me feel a bit better somehow. Not sure how work will react though!

swansea how are you doing today? I'm sure your boys are keeping you busy, if not your mind off things. thinking of you.

shomes Sat 07-Jan-12 15:51:18

Heels and Loublou----thanks for all your positive comments and reassurance, i'm dreading the next scan when they tell us whats really going on unless I have more bleedingin the meantime and that will self confirm.

Been to ikea today to buy some bits for the house which made me feel a bit better but like you all felt the uncertainty is awful.

Hope you all cope with the pain and get lots of cuddles, try to keep smiling, i'm sure we will all be ok within time xxxx

Redbird12 Sat 07-Jan-12 15:56:43

Thanks so much for your prompt responses and kind words loublou and heels. It was so hard having to tell family today when they were all texting/calling excited to ask about the scan. I knew mc was common but associated it more with bleeding not finding out from a scan so feel a bit in shock as not what I was expecting. Whilst it's not good that it's happened to others as well, it does help to hear from other people who have gone through the same thing.

Can I ask how your DH's handled it? I do feel sorry for DH, he is trying to be strong for me but is obviously so cut up as well, he has had to go to work this afternoon and I know he really didn't want to but couldn't find anyone to cover for him.

Heels a couple of questions about ERPC, do you think they will do this same day i go to the hospital, they said they would re-scan me 1st to be 100% sure there was definitely no heartbeat but were pretty certain. Is there anything you advise taking with me to the hospital as not sure how long I'll be there? Lastly, a question for anyone who may have gone private, I have BUPA through work which does covers this kind of thing, the NHS and BUPA hospitals are next to each other, have to pay £100 initally to use BUPA (one off yearly charge) - do you think it is worth it or will NHS & BUPA care be pretty similar in this case?

Thanks for all your help

Redbird12 Sat 07-Jan-12 16:00:35

bonzo77 sorry x -post. I had a private scan at 10 weeks, assume this is why they can't refer me directly & told me to see own GP first. However, will investigate whether i can self refer to EPU. Nearest hospitals to me are Northampton & Banbury.

loubloutwinmum Sat 07-Jan-12 16:07:46

redbird my DH is struggling, he had to go into work for some of last week & I felt so sorry for him trying to carry on! I am being rescanned Tues & was told I would be referred to larger hospital (one in our town is small but have scan there). So I doubt I will be able to have ERPC same day but every hospital is different. Was this your first pregnancy? Are you planning on TTC again?

Thanks for your support Bonzo you have been so supportive & given some great advice despite being on this horrendous rollercoaster yourself so it is much appreciated.

Glad you have got out the house Shomes, it does you good to keep busy. I'm a bit house bound as bleeding stopping & starting & scared if I'm out the floodgates might open, so to speak. I am snuggling with DD who is bit poorly watching Jurassic Park!

Redbird I had scan on Wednesday and they said I could go straight to EPU, but as I wasn't technically an emergacy I may be waiting around. In the end I decided to make an appointment for next day to speak to consultant, she gave me my options and booked me in for ERPC the next day, Friday. so within 48 hours of scan I was in.
You will probably be in as a day patient, go in in the mrning and be home by the evening providing you have someone at home with you.
I had to take dressing gown and slippers and also some maternity sanitary towels. Also take a good book as there is lots of waiting. I got there at 10am and went down for op at 3.45pm. At about 12 doctor came round and inserted some tablets to soften my cervix then I had to stay in bed for about 1/2 hour. Recovery was quick and DH picked me up 8pm.

DH is struggling a bit, hard to read him really as he doesn't show his emotions much due to a tough childhood, but I know he is really disappointed. We are both only children so he really wanted another. So they fact he is now not sure he wants to try again is enough to tell me he is upset.

To be honest I won't worry about Bupa, I have private medical and I don't think in cases like this it is really worth it unless they can't get yu booked in for a while for the ERPC, then you could looke into it. I was seen next day so there was point really.

Hope this helps and sorry for the long post.

SwanseaMum Sat 07-Jan-12 18:47:46

Red i am sorry you are here. I had erpc the same day that they scanned me but i was lucky in a sense cause they don't do routine surgery over Christmas which ment there was room for me sad

bonzo I am having a horrific day today my 6year old opened my front door and let my nearly 2year old out, we live on a busy road and my husband found him him just starting to get onto the drive holding his teddy. My 6yr old has speak and language difficulties so has no comprehension of danger. I only left the room for 2 mins.
I nearly lost 2 babies in as many weeks, its more than I can cope with . Would feel better if dh wasn't being so amazing saying it isn't my fault it doesnt make me feel any better. Had a melt down and put my arm through a glass door pane. I am physically fine couple scratches but my heart is breaking.
Gonna need something to help me sleep tonight sad

bonzo77 Sat 07-Jan-12 19:40:38

Oh swansea, what a day for you! Sounds like you need brew and possibly wine. I have to say the codeine really helped me sleep though! Pleased your DH is being amazing. I totally understand the horror about your toddler. My 22 month old would do the same if given half a chance. My MIL offered to come and help and take DS "off my hands" when she first heard about the mc. I was livid, feeling like she wanted to take my other child away! That's the way this makes you feel, isn't it?

red I would also recommend a book and sanitary towels (I just used normal ones, the long sort as somehow all the blood ends up in my bum crack when I lie down!). I took slippers but didn't need them as they wheeled me to the operating theatre. A dressing gown would have been nice as it was cold, but I wore my coat over my hospital gown while I was waiting and then got dressed as soon as I got out of recovery. I was given a side room, so modesty was not too much of an issue. Not sure why I got a side room, I like to think that the hospital knows I am very special, as I also got on the post natal ward after having DS.

I'm not sure if everyone has the same experience, but I always feel cold and shaky as I go in for the anaesthetic, I was the same for 2 previous GAs and when I was taken in for my EMCS. I'm sure it is the result of adrenaline and nerves, so don't worry if you feel the same. Different hospitals are different, but I also had the pessaries and a dose of painkillers half an hour before the procedure. Then in the anaesthetic room they put a needle in my hand and gave me some opiate painkillers which made me feel very very warm and woozy grin and something to stop me feeling sick, then the anaesthetic which had knocked me out before the syringe was empty. One of the drugs made my arm feel really odd as it went in, so don't worry if that happens. At some point I was asking the anaesthetist what the difference is between an epidural and a spinal, but I was clearly out of my tree as I cannot remember the answer!

After the procedure I woke up in recovery and had very kind one-on-one care from a nurse. I was cold so she gave me an extra blanket, and was still cold so she gave me a funny plastic blanket that inflated with hot air. That was lovely. I was also very thirsty so she helped me drink water with a straw. I was there for about half an hour before the Dr came to check up on me. He asked if I wanted to know anything, so obviously the first thing I asked was when I could get pregnant again! Then I was wheeled back to my room where I got dressed and the nurse got me a sandwich and a cup of tea. I was there for an hour then she called DH to collect me. They can only let you go after you have done a wee.

Sorry, long one, but hopefully that explains a lot about what to expect.

Bonzo well done you, forgot all about the op and after, very similar experience to you. Had to eat, drink and wee before they would let me go home, no problem ther I was starving and thirsty.
Oh and you did make me laugh about the blood in your bum crack smile

loubloutwinmum Sat 07-Jan-12 20:43:33

Swanseamum sorry you are having a bad day, sounds awful but it is such a difficult time so don't beat yourself up.

Bleeding quite heavily now but only for last hour or so! I really hope this can happen naturally & quickly so I get all clear when I'm scanned Tues. my appointment is at 9am so haven't got to wait all day at least! Really hurts at the moment, even with drugs! Might have a glass of wine in a bit, can't feel any worse.

loublou really hope this goes quickly for you now, thinking of you.

SwanseaMum Sat 07-Jan-12 22:59:57

Oh loublou i really hope this ends quickly for you, i hate to think what pain your in. hot water bottle and a bottle of wine never mind a glass. smile xx

shomes Sun 08-Jan-12 09:28:54

swanseamum I really hope today is a better day for you. My ds is playing up alot at the moment and since we have just comeback from christmas in italy he is not sleeping well at all which i making it worse for me as i'm really grumpy!

bonzo thank goodness you made me laugh with the bum crack thing, lightened my mood this morning,

Have been talking to DH he seems like he's trying to carry on as normal as are we both and work is a distraction but getting through the whole week will be torture. I suggested we think about going away to Norfolk in the summer instead of the usual abroad stressful holiday and he seems to think its a good idea and may give us time to reevaluate things if we don't concieve again before then. At the moment i'm not sure if i want to but desperately want a brother or sister for DS x

SwanseaMum Sun 08-Jan-12 17:07:48

Shomes I am calmer today partly cause I am completely exhausted and don't have the energy to get angry or stressed and partly cause know the boys are in school and nursery so I will have a little time to myself which i desperately need.

loublou hope your ok today xx

bonzo77 Sun 08-Jan-12 19:17:55

Hoping everyone is bearing up today. Spent the morning at the horses and riding, which was fun but my goodness exhausting. Hadn't been for about 6 weeks so loss of fitness and loss of blood to blame. Definitely feel better for some proper "me" time, fresh air and keeping my mind occupied. As a bonus one of the girls remarked how thin I'd got! Hoping everyone manages to find some kind of silver lining over the next few days. (hugs and [tea] all round.

Loublou hope you are doing OK ?

Bonzo good for you, I have been out with the dog today on my own while DH had DD and it was great, fresh air and my own thoughts. Wish someone was telling me how slim I look. Gonna start diet and exercise tomorrow.

I think DH is shifting slightly now just need to keep working on him.
DD has been lovely today, she is 2.3 and has really started stringing sentences lately, today she was chatting all day, really cheered me up and also made me realise how much I desperatley want another one.

SwanseaMum Mon 09-Jan-12 11:32:54

Omg my life just doesn't get any easier money stress now its like a kick in the teeth sad
I don't understand why everything has to happen at the same time. Am off work now just couldn't concentrate and I need some alone time.
Somebody help me I feel so low :'(

Redbird12 Mon 09-Jan-12 16:41:25

swanseamum so sorry to hear you are having a tough time, it WILL get better and in the meantime, we are all here for you and understand what you are going through. Some time off work without that added pressure will probably help, be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up for feeling so low, it is normal at this difficult time, sending you lots of hugs.

loublou hope you are feeling ok.

bonzo and heels, thanks so much for explaing what will happen at ERPC for me, I am booked in for tomorrow. NHS couldn't do it until next week at earliest so have ended up going private. Just couldn't face waiting around that long, feeling in limbo, not knowing if I would mc naturally, not knowing what to do about work. Just glad it will be over quickly, well the physical part anyway, emotionally am feeling very up and down.

Redbird12 Mon 09-Jan-12 18:43:15

Just wanted to add one minor rant to get it off my chest!

On way back from 2nd scan to confirm baby definitely had no heartbeat, stopped at Next to return some maternity clothes I had bought from the sale the week before, at the time had thought i would stock up in advance whilst they were half price, they were still bagged up so just wanted to return them.

There were a few people waiting in the queue when I got near the front, a woman 2 behind me pushed forward when they said 'who's next' and went to the till. When I pointed out quite politely that I was actually next, she started giving me abuse so i just ignored her but then as I was leaving with DH she came up and started jeering at us and giving us more abuse. DH was totally taken aback as hadn't seen earlier exchange & obviously neither of us was in great state of mind at this point anyway.

Just why would someone do this?! I know I am being over-senstitive at the moment but I just didn't need that, it was hard enough returning the mat clothes anyway, got in the car and had to try v.hard not to cry sad

loubloutwinmum Mon 09-Jan-12 19:43:58

Sorry I've not been on much, had pretty grim 24 hours. Very heavy bleeding & can't believe I haven't totally miscarried but scan tom will confirm! Feel exhausted & washed out & old!

redbird hope it goes ok for you tom, sorry you've not had a great day. That woman in Next needs a slap.

Swansea hope you ate feeling a bit better, I hope your other problems sort themselves out, it is such a hard time.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? Heels, Shomes, Bubbaloo, Bonzo - thinking of you all.

Redbird I really understand the Limbo thing and think you have done the right thing by going private. I am sure you will feel much better once you have had the ERPC, physically anyway. emotions will take longer. Remember a good book, don't know what I would have done without it as lots of waiting around. Hopefully as you are private you will get something nice to eat rather than the standard NHS slice of toast. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope it all goes smoothly.

I too have a couple of maternity things to take back to Next. I think you were very restrained, I think I wold have slapped the silly cow, I hate queue jumpers sad

Bleeding has stopped for me, just a little brown discharge when I go for a wee. Have been having a huge clearout of clothes and stuff today, DH is going to take it all to the charity shop tomorrow. I found it good therapy.

Loublou this must just be horrendous for you, I just can't imagine how exhausted you must be. No one derserves to be going through what you are. Thinking of you tomorrow, hope it is all over with soon xx

bonzo77 Mon 09-Jan-12 21:35:39

Oh swansea, you poor thing. I hope the time off, with boys at school and not having to go in to work will give you some space to recover, both emotionally and physically. We all get strength from different things, I'm sure you will find what works for you. Things surely will get better.

loublou, fingers x for your scan, hoping that you don't need any more treatment. I felt just like you did, washed out and feeble. I'd been taking floradix, a "tonic" with iron while pregnant, and started taking it again, I'm sure it helps. A bit of iron has to be a good thing when you've lost the amount of blood that we have. It's only got a little iron, so no risk of constipation. Speaking of which the codeine gave it to me really badly, so have been on movicol and lots of water. I'm sure the water makes you feel less feeble.

redbird what a bitch in next! Worth returning the clothes though, you don't need them haunting you. And the couple of bits I got from next maternity last time weren't all that great: the t-shirts were weirdly short, and I only got a tiny bump last time. This time round all I've bought were some sleep bras because my boobs had been killing me over night. They'll go up in the loft with my other maternity stuff next time I go up there.

heels my bleeding has all stopped now too. I did a pregnancy test this morning, just out of interest to see if hormones have gone, and got a BFN!

shomes Tue 10-Jan-12 08:11:44

Hi there

All sort of quiet over here, just still waiting for the next agonising 6 days until the scan next monday.

Re: The woman in next, she definitely needs a slap how dare she, i find people are so insentivie in general these days.
Luckily DH is coming with me on monday which is good although mum was just as good, i think he feels like he needs to see whats going on for himself and also be there for me too.

Birthday was ok yesterday although tinged with sadness, had to close my eyes when walking past the maternity clothes as i was looking forward to buying them this week sad feeling very down as well but trying to cover it whilst at work sad

Hope you all have a better week xxx

loubloutwinmum Tue 10-Jan-12 19:24:27

Evening, had such a grim day! Scan showed that the pregnancy & sac etc was all still there! Couldn't believe it as bleeding been so heavy & lots of clots. Was referred to emergency gynae clinic at local hospital. Waited for hour then spoke about my options! They couldn't offer me an ERPC until Fri, possibly Monday! In the end DH & I decided the medical management route was better option. However as I'm already bleeding doc examined me because suspected my cervix was already opening so would beable to skip oral pills & just have pessary. However, turned out my cervix is tightly closed! Bizarre as am bleeding loads!

So had oral pills & had to wait hour to ensure I could keep them down. Then I had blood taken which was a disaster & just bled & bled & bled! Then had anti D also as I'm rhesus negative!

Finally got home at 3 pm! Got to go back Thursday morning for pessary & then stay at least an hour & then go home. DH is so stressed & angry & worried & I'm worried about him. I'm starting to feel that there won't be another baby for us as I really don't think either of us could go through this again!

Sonographer was lovely & said the pregnancy looked perfect but just sadly didn't develop past 6/7 weeks for some reason! She said my womb & ovaries looked very, very healthy. I guess that is good but still not sure I could go through this again!!

I really hope you are all doing ok! I feel like this is never ending!

Bloody hell Loublou that sounds dreadful, so very sorry you are going through this, my heart goes out to you. Sounds all very strange but our bodies are funny things and who knows what or why this is happening.

Dreadful that they couldn't offer you an ERPC for a few days, so glad mine was offered for next day.

This will be over soon and you can start to heel, thoughts are with you x

bonzo77 Tue 10-Jan-12 21:57:17

loublou there really is no rhyme or reason to this... it just shows how all our bodies and minds are different. Not to mention the various standards of care we've experienced. I waited 8 days for my ERCP (and 9 days between 1st and 2nd scans). I totally relate to the disbelief that even after all the bleeding and pain that the sac etc are still there. I spent a couple of nights rolling around on the floor practicing my breathing from antenatal classes, and out of my tree on codeine only to be told the same. Thinking of you tonight, really hoping that things get better ASAP.

Dunnitt Wed 11-Jan-12 14:38:25

Hey HaveToWearHeals.

Sorry if i'm too late to offer this advice. From my experience go the ERPC route as quick and clean, BUT insist on having a follow up scan to check its all clear. I didn't do this and 3 months later, yep 3 whole months, it transpired that there was still stuff there and as such there was no chance of becoming PG in that time.

And it terms of emotionally. Take your time. It does get better. And I know you've heard this but this is so so common. Everyone single one of my friends has had miscarriages and gone on to have healthy babies. Hang in there.

shomes Wed 11-Jan-12 14:48:00

LOUBLOUthat sounds horrendous, i will definitely check on monday if they are going to do erpc or whatever that i will have a check afterwards.

I've been having an awful few days, still no bleeding but not feeling pregnant anymore and just so down about the whole thing, i think its just the waiting thats killing me and maybe on monday i'll feel better x

loubloutwinmum Wed 11-Jan-12 15:34:32

Shomes sorry you are feeling so low but I know how you feel & the waiting is just so horrendous.

I had the most awful eve, night. I won't go into too much detail because it is so grim but I am sure the oral pills alone have brought on full miscarriage. I started contracting & cramping like never before about 7pm last night, the pain was off the scale & pills didn't touch it! My insides literally fell out & it went on until about 1 am! I just dozed off when DD woke & seems to have ear infection so was in agony. DH tried to soothe her but she wanted me. Was so hard as I just wanted to curl into a ball & die!

Got a few hours sleep this morning but cramps started again this afternoon & I'm still passing enormous clots. I am scared about tom & having pessaries because if it's worse than this I'm not sure I can cope. Sorry, I hope this isn't TMI but this is so different from my earlier m/c & I'm exhausted. Will talk to doc tom about my concerns before anymore treatment. My poor DD is on anti biotics & my poor DH has been rushing around looking after us both, getting her to docs, other DD to Schl & picking her up & at same time running his business. He is exhausted, stressed & on the edge. I just want this to be over now!

shomes Wed 11-Jan-12 18:22:27

loublou that sounds like a hellish experience, I am now convinced to go for ERPC as i don't think i could go through what you all have been through with the pills or naturally occuring mc. It all just makes it more real and confusing, sometimes I feel like my body has failed me sad

Thank god for honest women who can advise each other on important yet painful things like this, I too worry about my DH as he works so hard and is exhausted yet he is really trying to make me feel better. I on the other hand feel like i'm being monstrous to everyone and now i'm feeling really guilty. I suppose its like the stages of grief where you feel sadness then anger then denial etc.

Really hope you feel more human soon loublou and that things settle down and you can emotionally move forward. xx

SwanseaMum Wed 11-Jan-12 19:09:26

loublou I truly feel for you, I am not sure how I would have coupled in your shoes you are incredibly strong xx

shomes sug the erpc is quick and the physical recovery much faster. I won't help with the emotional repercussions of a mc but if your not in pain it can be a bit easier.

I had a tattoo today in memory of the baby. Its cherry blossom so it has a double meaning for me. Unfortunately the emotional pain I am feeling needs a physical counter part sad

I genuinely thought I was over my depression this mc hasn't helped.

girls I an thinking of you all xx

SwanseaMum Wed 11-Jan-12 19:10:29

Bloody predictive text on my phone sorry if my message doesn't make sense x

Redbird12 Wed 11-Jan-12 19:26:14

loublou so sorry to hear what you are going through, I hope they come up with a resolution a bit quicker for you.

I had the ERPC yesterday - it went fine (as much as it could do). Woke up after op with a bit of pain and bleeding but pain has already gone by today and bleeding now very light. Thanks for your advice heels and bonzo, it was definitely the best option for me and also for advising what to take, a book was definitely needed!

Still felt quite groggy today and emotionally up and down but have told work not coming back in till next week so at least no pressure to rush to feel better within a couple of days.

One question i forgot to ask yesterday was when normal cycle would return? Does anyone know? Also, consultant told us to wait 3 months before trying again but miscarriage site suggests you are most fertile in the 3 cycles immediately following an mc so wouldn't want to miss this if true!

grippingon Wed 11-Jan-12 22:31:25

My heart really does go out to all of you on this thread.

Regarding waiting 3 months, as I understand it that advice was reviewed a while back and not necessarily something to stick to. Talking from personal experience, I became pregnant quite unexpectedly and without trying straight after my 2nd miscarriage, and I had had two in a row. This makes me think that maybe the info about being most fertile straight after a miscarriage could be true?

Lots of love and luck to all of you xxxx

tazzcat Wed 11-Jan-12 23:52:52

Ladies this is my first time on mumsnet although my DS is now 6 years old. So sorry to hear all of your sad stories and I wish you all a speedy recovery both mentally and physically in your own personal journeys. Picked this thread up by fluke and felt compelled to share my story with you.

I had a MMC last April 4 weeks after my 40th Birthday. Picked up at 12 week scan that baby had died a couple of weeks earlier. I had spotting that week, there were no obvious signs that there was a problem. My first pregnancy I had this all the way through but i had healthy baby. Morning sickness had just started to ease off so everything tied in with the timelines. My biggest fear about the scan was about abnormalities, due to my age, this was not on my radar at all. Hospital handled it really well and were very sympathetic, but as it was a Friday afternoon I had to goto my local hospital on the Monday to see if i could be booked in for the ERPC, they were also great but were fully booked so I took a booking at another hospital. Fortunately we had not announced the pregnancy to anyone, so there was no-one to untell. In between that I had a pre-booked pamper day with all of my girlfriends and family so had to be the biggest actress and pretend that the last 12 weeks hadnt happened, lets say I drank a lot that day. I went for ERPC the following Wednesday and had the pain of buying sanitary pads and painkillers, same thing that you would do to prepare for having a baby, felt very surreal. The hospital that carried out procedure did the best they could but it was a miserable place all of us were there for the same reason, and we all had to get there first thing in the morning (6.30), but there was no set time for when we would be taken down for surgery. I happened to be last, so spent several hours crying or listening to other women sobbing their hearts out too. I was given a sick note for 2 weeks, which was more for the emotional side than physical, and I took it, didnt realise how much i would need it. Went through the whole range of emotions of what could have been. Hardest thing I had to deal with was cancelling my next midwife appointment and 2nd scan, and it took a few weeks for the letters to stop coming as it hadnt caught up that my pregnancy had ended. Physically I recovered very quickly and my periods kicked in like clockwork, giving me hope that i could try again. Also blood and urine samples taken by midwife came back as normal. Having my DS also kept me sane.

The curveball that I didnt see coming was that DDH announced that he didnt want to try again not now or ever. Brought up many excuses about our age and other random things. As posted by someone earlier, this hit me harder than the actual MMC, felt as though the rug had been pulled from under my feet. We hit an impasse and have been there for over 8 months (he has refused to have sex and I have refused to take precautions!), he wouldnt even discuss it, and because I hadnt told anyone close to me, more or less had to deal with the pain and upset on my own. Have been in a very lonely sad place since that time. I feel we have turned the corner now and just before Xmas a chain of events happened that forced the discussion, it had hit him very hard but he just kept it to himself and is worried it could go wrong again. Have agreed that we will try to be "us" for a while then maybe try again, he seems happy with that. However, I am just watching the months go by with my 41st birthday looming and potentially this might never happen, or if it does, my risk of not having a safe pregnancy increases with each passing month.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, but I think going for ERPC was better for me, the thought of carrying dead baby was too much to deal with and allowed my body to kick back into normal cycle more quickly. Emotionally I didnt handle it well by keeping it all secret, think it has not really given me an outlet, ditto for DDH, that has held us back and has made our marriage suffer. If you have child(ren) already then allow the distraction of having them help you get back to some normality and focus on what you do have rather than what you dont. For those of you who haven't got there yet, don't give up hope, there are so many who eventually go on to have healthy babies.

Best of luck to you all.

RIBS Thu 12-Jan-12 13:47:35

Hi everyone.
Sorry to everyone in the same boat. I dont know a single person who has gone thru what I have - which is the good thing about mumsnet. You feel like your not alone.

I also had MMC discovered at 12wk scan, pregnancy failed at about 8 wks, 2 weeks b4 xmas and we were going on hol day after boxing day.

I would recommend anyone to have a ERPC. I wanted the ERPC but my hospital registrar told me I wasnt a priority I HAD to have the Medical Management and I had to wait a week to have that. I think I coped pretty well with the whole miscarriage bit. But all I could think was I was carrying around a dead baby.

I told them my bits are really awkward and dont work very well and the Med management wouldnt wk. It was very painful - then they started pulling at my insides - trying to pull out the "tissue". It was fucking barbaric. Still wouldnt come out. STILL wouldnt have me an ERPC. I had to stay in (due to blood pressure drop - no wonder!!) and go thru it all again the next day. They finally agreed to give me an ERPC, I had it just 5 days before xmas day, 7 days before I went on hol.

I am still traumatised by the whole event - i dont traumatise easily!! I am desperately hoping to get pregnant again straight away, but horrified in case this happens again. Im in the process of obtaining private medical insurance as theres no way anyone should have to go thru 2 days of pain.

If id wanted an abortion id of been in and out and sorted without question. Id lost a much longed for baby, which is bad enough without having to deal with all the other crap. Sorry its a long post.

Good luck to everyone and again, ERPC all the way!! XXXXX

shomes Thu 12-Jan-12 14:07:23

Hi ribs and tazz sorry to hear the ordeals you have been through, its horrendous that they didn't offer you a EPRC absolutely awful.

I'm trying to feel a bit calmer today as getting angry about it all is making me feel worse and i feel like i'm taking it out on DS and DH! I think the worst thought is that i was going to be finishing work and staying at home to take my son through his first year of school being there everyday to drop and pick him up and now i'm going to be stuck in my job until i get pregnant again sad

Redbird so glad things went OK with the ERPC. Just a little warning that the last couple of days I have had a bit of cramping pain, nother major but it did take me by suprise. As for waiting three months, my hospital said to wait one cycle, but that was mainly for dating purposes rather than anything else. My experience after my Ectopic was I was VERY fertile as I conceived 8 days after the tube removal after trying for over a year with the ectopic. So I would say go for it smile

Tazz thanks for sharing your story, I could have written this myself (even down to being the last one to go down) although I am a little older than you at 42 in June. So sorry to hear that things with your DH are difficult, I really do hope they work out for you. My DH was negative at first but is now up for trying again, although we have both decided if I am not pregnant by October this year we will stop trying, as due date would be around my 43td Birthday and we don't want to be any older with a new born.

LoubLou and RIBS both your stories have made me so angry. It really is a post code lottery isn't it. Like you said RIBS if you had wanted an abortion it would have been done without all this trauma. Looking back on this thread it shows that those that have an ERPC can move on sooo much quicker, neither of you should have had to go through what you have. My heart really goes out to you both xx

SwanseaMum Thu 12-Jan-12 21:49:12

Ribs i feel for you i really do.

Had a counselling session today have to pay for it privately because my grief is not a priority on the nhs. I am absolutely exhausted and really struggled to let my barriers down cause i don't like not being in control. Like you shomes I was planning yo finish work and now I am stuck there in a job that I hate. Its so crap sad thinking of you all xx

loubloutwinmum Fri 13-Jan-12 17:14:48

Hi ladies, sorry I have been AWOL but had the most horrendous 48 hours! To cut a horrendously long story short, having medical management was the worst decision ever. Basically the first lot of tablets brought on the miscarriage very fast & I ended up in A&E Weds night. I honestly didn't realise I would have contractions & have to go through labour for 12 hours. It was horrendous & had to be examined, have tissues manually pulled out. My DH was so traumatized watching all this. I was in such a state yesterday morning that when I got to the clinic to supposedly have the 2 nd lot of pills to bring on miscarriage, I just broke down when the nurse said I still had to have them to make sure everything was gone. In the end I saw a male gynae doc & he was amazing, finally a bit of luck. He listened & organized an ultrasound for me & it showed I had passed pregnancy sac & the remaining products were already in the cervix. So he said if they'd given me the pills I probably would have had a major bleed in the car on way home. He then spent about 30 mins just talking, reassuring me & DH & gave me lots of pain killers & I came home. I am still bleeding but pain is manageable! I am just emotional & physically exhausted!

I wish they made it very very clear that medical management means you will labour & have contractions & it truly was agony. I feel so much better today thank goodness but am going to slowly build myself back up. DH & I can now start to get our heads around what has happened & actually grieve for the baby we lost & for any future babies as we really don't feel we can chance going through this again so I am feeling quite sad but think it is the only sensible decision for our family.

Sorry this is a me me me post but will catch up abit more over the next few days now I'm back in the land of the living. Thinking of you all.

oh gosh lou thats what happened to me but i hemmoriged and ended losing over 2 pints of blood in recuss and emergency surgery! glad your feeling a bit better
if i have another misscarrige i wont have the medical mangment
((((hugs)))) xx

shomes Sat 14-Jan-12 11:46:21

loublou so sorry for what you have had to endure the last couple of weeks, what a horrendous ordeal. I sincerely hope that you will recover well and get some time to heal and you and your DH work through the future together.

I am incredibly nervous about the scan on monday even though i know in myself its over so am just hoping they give me the EPRC very quickly and i can have the closure.

Big hugs to you all swansea mum the counselling will be worth it even though it must have been an ordeal to be shoved out by the NHS as non priority. xxxx

Redbird12 Sat 14-Jan-12 12:34:18

Loublou just seen your latest post and wanted to say how sorry I am that you have had to go through this, it is bad enough emotionally losing a baby anyway without having to go through all that physical suffering as well and i think it is awful it wasn't all explained properly to you so you could make a more informed choice. Also, agree with heels it is a bit of a postcode lottery as to whether the ERPC is offered straight away and if so, how long you are made to wait - without private medical insurance through work, it could have been about 10 days for me. I hope the worst is over for you now and you start to feel better soon.

Tazz & Ribs, thank you for sharing your stories, it does help to hear from others who have gone through this & I hope you both get pg again soon and have safe, healthy pregnancies. DH and I will be trying as soon as my cycle gets back to normal. Thanks for the advice as well grippingon.

Swansea and Shomes totally understand your frustrations about still having to work, i had just got my head around this and timings all worked out for mat leave, now I feel like all my plans have been swept away and don't know what to think or whether to plan anything as not sure if I will get pg again quickly or whether it could take months or longer. Also conscious that as ended up having to tell work will they just all be waiting for me to announce I am pg again.

Shomes hope it all goes well on Monday. Wishing everyone on here a better weekend as i think most of us have had a tough few days, lots of love and hugs xxx

Loublou sounds bloody horrendous, really hope you are on the road to feeling better now. No woman should have to go through what you have, so unfair to loose a much wanted baby and then have to go through this physically.

Redbird know how you feel about plans being scupperd (sp ??). I get 20 days holiday at work if we need more we have to buy it, I usually do as I have to cover childminders holiday but i didn't buy any this year as 1) I was going on Maternity leave and Childminders holiday was while I was off 2)buying holiday would reduce the amount of maternity pay I would receive.

Also we go to Turkey to our apartment every June but wouldn't be able to go as baby due July, so managed to get PIL to have DD for a week and booked a rather expensive (last chance) holiday for just DH and I in Feb. Now we will also need our June holiday so need to save up money for that.
Then there is me changing back to full time hours from now until June so I could maximise maternity pay, now I am stuck doing full time sad with no end in site.

loubloutwinmum Mon 16-Jan-12 09:28:28

Morning ladies, how are you all doing? Thinking of you today Shomes, hope it goes ok & you get the follow up treatment you want.

I am really struggling to be honest! Ended up back in A&E Friday night as it all kicked off again. Turns out the pregnancy products were stuck in neck of my womb so I had to have them manually removed which was grim.

I just feel so awful now! Signed off from work for another week as emotionally a mess & can't seem to get my arse in gear to do anything at all. I am going through motions of thing I have to do but can't motivate myself at all. Feel so low & can't begin to understand how I can fix this! I want my baby back & want the last 2 weeks of pain to be forgotten. Feel really weak & pathetic & struggling to open up to DH!!! Just want to curl up in a ball & cry. Feel pathetic. When will this start to feel better??

shomes Mon 16-Jan-12 16:23:46

oh loublou i feel for you i really do, no one should have to go through what you have gone through its not fair. You need to take the time to grieve properly and make sense of the trauma you have been through and what your body has been through, then maybe it will start to get better but i am no psychologist!

I went for the second scan today, they saw nothing just an 8 week sac which is obviously not right at nearly 14 weeks ( as i should be now). I have gone ahead with booking the EPRC for wednesday so i'm hoping to draw a line under the whole thing after that and get on. Sounds simple but i'm not sure how i'll feel on my own with no one there after the op sad

SwanseaMum Mon 16-Jan-12 16:56:01

Well ladies got a bloody infection now completely in bits totally sucks really don't need this now!!!

loublou sweetheart I am totally understanding where you are coming from. It is exactly how I feel just been signed off work for 2 weeks just can't cope with being surrounded by people who can't understand my grieve. I am 3weeks and 3 days since losing my baby, I have had several meltdowns but the rest of the time i feel numb. I had everything exactly where i wanted it life is so unfair sad I am having counselling but its early days as I cannot explain my grief. With everything you have gone through it will probably take a long time to get over this and even then you won't forget. I am told it will get easier but at the moment I can't see the end of the tunnel and no doubt you won't either. Rest up and take time to heal. xx

*shomes you defiantly made the right choice hun hope it goes ok xxxc

loubloutwinmum Mon 16-Jan-12 18:16:55

Thanks shomes & swanseamum, it helps to know you understand, I feel it is so difficult to talk about in RL. Glad you have your ERPC booked Shomes & really hope it all goes as well as it possibly can.

Sorry to hear you have an infection swanseamum, this really is the gift that keeps giving eh! Thanks for sharing how you are feeling, it is comforting to know I'm not alone, although I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone else.

Today has been my worst day by far, just feel so low & helpless. Going to try & have heart to heart with DH tonight as I know I'm shutting him out.

SwanseaMum Wed 18-Jan-12 09:08:43

Thinking of you shomes today.

Not in a good place today sad

Shomes was thinking of you today, hope things went as well as they could today and you are feeling a little bit better.

EllenandBump Wed 18-Jan-12 20:58:33

I just wanted to say i am so very sorry for your loss. Cant realy add anymore on your options front. Personally i would go for an erpc. I had two missed miscarriage, mine were both between 8 and 9 weeks. The first one i had medical management, which was very painful and traumatic, the second i had an erpc, under general anaesthetic, which was less painful and i was home the same day and it was complete.

Again my heart goes out to you. x

bonzo77 Wed 18-Jan-12 21:37:54

Just a quick check in, hoping shomes your ERPC went as smoothly as mine, swansea and loublou that you are feeling if not actually any better, no worse, and that you are getting the RL love and support you need. heels I suppose at least with working all these hours, at least you will have more £££ for that holiday in June. I know it's easier said than done, but don't stay in a shitty shitty job you hate because you've put your life on hold with pg and TTC. It's so tempting, but this whole thing is rubbish enough, without spending most of your waking hours doing something you hate. Obviously it's easier said than done, but there is no harm looking at jobs and going to interviews, if only to see what's available.

Redbird12 Wed 18-Jan-12 22:04:35

Hi all, also just checking in to see how everyone is. Been back at work this week and busy so that has occupied a lot of my time and thoughts, not sure if this is a good or bad thing! Physically now feeling fine, emotionally still hard and although work know, most people seem to be going for avoiding the issue. I know they don't know what to say but it's still a bit weird like pretending nothing has happened. I hope everyone else on here is doing ok this week as much as you can, appreciate the continued support x

EllenandBump Wed 18-Jan-12 23:01:26

Talking, crying being busy, whatever you find helps you cope with it is fine, there is no rule book which says you should do/ feel this or that, its a personal experience and everyone handles it differently. Being busy does keep your mind active but letting out the hurt helps too. Dont be afraid to cry. My heart goes out to all you lovely ladies who have loved and lost a baby or babies.

shomes Thu 19-Jan-12 07:54:50

Hi Ladies, ERPC went fine yesterday although i was very fuzzy and wobbly until i got some sleep at about 8pm yesterday. Still feeling a little confused today but hardly any bleeding and no pain surprisingly. It was definitely the option to go for, bit lonely as no one was there with me (parents looking after DS and DH at work ) but got through it and parents were great as was DH.

Hoping you are all bearing up ok and that you get the resolutions you need,hoping that we all have some future success and no further heartbreak, not just in having babies but with everything xxx

loubloutwinmum Thu 19-Jan-12 09:31:28

Shomes so glad it went well for you yesterday, was thinking of you. Please take some time for yourself & hope the coming days, weeks aren't too tough for you!

I've had some good days & some really really bad days! Physically I'm doing ok but bleeding is bit unpredictable, some days it is so light it has almost gone & then suddenly gets really heavy again. Have made myself go out & do some stuff this week, just food shopping & coffee with a friend. Also saw my sister in law & 6 month nephew yesterday which was lovely & difficult in equal measures. Had bit of a meltdown afterwards but think it did me good in a way!

I still feel so vulnerable though, bit scared when I'm out in case something happens & I can't cope with it. Just someone saying something or being rude to me, can't ex

loubloutwinmum Thu 19-Jan-12 09:33:32

Sorry posted too soon... Can't explain it really but don't like vulnerable feeling!!!

Anyway, better get on with the day! Swanseamum hope you are feeling it better today. Hope everyone else is doing ok too.

morning all

Bonzo Sorry if my post sounded negative, I actually like my job and liked being part time (4 days) but 5 days was OK for the 6 months til I went off.
I work with a fab team who have been so supportive and lovely since I came back on Wednesday. My Boss has been great so really happy on the whole.

Loublou sorry to hear that your nightmare is continuing. You feeling scared of going out incase anything happens is completely natural, i would be the same. I do feel like a bit of fresh air does you good though and pleased to hear you are getting out and about.

Shomes glad to hear ERPC went well. I was the same as you after but after about 2-3 days got some period type pains so just be warned. I just took paracetamol snd that took the edge off it.

This might be TMI for some but DH and I have started trying again wink I am a little obsessed and think I am scaring him a little though, but getting pregnant again is keeping me going. I have pregnancy tests bought and also ovulation test sticks. I had an ectopic in 2008 and fel for DD 8 days later which I think is making me a little more optemistic than I should be, just need to reign it in a bit I think.

loubloutwinmum Fri 20-Jan-12 13:36:41

Hi Heels, glad you have gone back to work & your boss is being lovely. My boss & colleague came round to see me at home this morning & were so lovely. I'm planning to go back to work on Tuesday but feel much better about it after seeing them.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing for you Heels & I think you know your own body & if you feel you are ready then go for it. I also think you are really really brave though as I'm petrified by the thought of getting pregnant again & would love to have the baby but cannot face going through months of uncertainty & the heartache of possibly losing another baby! I feel such a coward & think I'll regret not trying for another baby but I'm too scared. Guess over the coming weeks my feelings might change! Wishing you loads of luck though Heels, hope it happens quickly. Have you had a negative test, I was told I need to take a test 3 weeks from treatment. Just wondered if it was different after ERPC?

SwanseaMum Fri 20-Jan-12 13:36:52

Well its four weeks today sad had counseling last night finally really cried it was so hard allowing my control to slip but i do feel better for it.
heals try not to get to obsessed because it can sometimes make it harder to conceive hope it happens soon for you xxx

SwanseaMum Fri 20-Jan-12 13:42:42

Loublou you are not a coward you are incredibly brave for admitting that is how you feel. I want another baby but I feel incredibly guilty because i just lost one baby and it would be like I was trying to replace it sad I am so confused at the moment xxx

loubloutwinmum Fri 20-Jan-12 14:51:34

Heels you should def not feel guilty, you are not trying replace the baby you lost, you just want to complete your family. Please don't feel any guilt at all. We all need to do what is right for each of us & whatever gets us through each day.

Dru77 Fri 20-Jan-12 21:46:29

This thread has been so useful. I had a scan at 9+5 yesterday and there was no heartbeat with the baby measuring 8 wks. A scan at 7+3 showed a heartbeat so it was a shock. I was veering towards medical management until I read thread last night so am now booked in for ERPC on Monday. Seems like the best option to me.

loubloutwinmum Fri 20-Jan-12 22:11:59

Sorry my last message should have been for you swanseamum not heels, shows how mashed up my brain is!!!

Dru77 so very sorry for your loss, it is such a very difficult time. Having gone through the medical management, I would encourage anyone to avoid going down same route. Really hope your ERPC goes smoothly & again so sorry for your loss.

Swanseamum I am sharing your confusion too, don't think all the hormones help when trying make enormous decisions! Just keep talking through your ups & downs on here, it does help.

sneakypeaks Fri 20-Jan-12 22:25:08

I understand all you pain, having suffered six miscarriages myself, watching my friends give birth so easily, feeling guilty and heartbroken it was the worst six years of my life and, maybe you don't want to hear this, I know I didn't when I was going through it but, I went on to have three beautiful children, nobody could explain why I lost so many before but maybe I was finally lucky, so don't give up hope, my kids are now 16,15 and 14 so when it did happen, it happened fast. I hope that advances have been made over the last 14 years and that you get all the help you need. I was offered IVF, never could work out why, but keep the faith, it does get easier promise.

Dru77 Mon 23-Jan-12 22:39:49

Just out of theatre after my ERPC. Have read some horror stories on mn but Leeds St James have been fantastic. Had to wait 11 hours on the ward before going down but they warned me that might happen. Really can't fault them.

Caroline2103 Mon 23-Jan-12 23:09:00

Hi, I have only just read your story and felt the need to write you a message. As i only posted my message two hours ago and am already getting lots of support and help from the other people on here. I did not want to read and run.
I to had an mmc diagnosed at 12 weeks. I had no symptons up until the day before my 12 week scan which is when I had a bleed and just like you, before that morning I had no fears only excitment for what lay ahead.
There are no words to describe that feeling when the sonographer tells you that you baby has died.
I was given three options, to let the baby pass naturally, have medicinal help or an operation. My DH took me home to think about what we were going to do. My body did not give me chance. Within four hours I was back in hospital and I lost naturally and quickly. It was very very painful and I was in complete shock. This was on the 11th September 2011 and I am still struggling with the grief.
I hope that you are recovering well and if you ever want a chat then please DM me. In the last three hours I have realised just how good talking about it is and after keeping everything bottled up for nearly four months the support on mumsnet has been overwhelming.

Redbird12 Mon 23-Jan-12 23:34:43

Hi dru77, so sorry you are joining us on this thread but glad to hear op went as well as it could today. I had my ERPC 2 weeks ago and physically felt ok again within 2 or 3 days once groggy tired feeling wore off and bleeding stopped. However, emotionally been up and down, sometimes feel fine and normal again then something little will set me off.

Caroline good to hear you are getting some support now to come to terms with your loss, I agree that the support on mn has been invaluable.

Hope everyone else on here, heels, loublou, shomes, swansea, bonzo is doing ok and slowly recovering and getting plenty of support in RL as well.

Dru and Caroline so sorry you both find yourselves here.

Dru glad your ERPC went well and that this thread helped you make the right decision. It treally is a traumatic thing to happen to any woman, please take the time to heal physically as well as mentally. I found that once I had had the ERPC it heped enourmously and that I felt I could move on.

Caroline so sorry for your loss but so glad you have found some support on MN and on this thread. It is so sad that other ladies are going through this but hopefuly we are all supporting each other.

I am doing very well, had a few tears after watching Call the Midwife at the weekend, as I so long for a little baby to hold. DD is keeping me busy though and never fails to make me smile. She is so chatting and comes out with some cracking lines.

Caroline2103 Tue 24-Jan-12 21:54:42

Im glad you are doing well. I still cannot bring myself to watch programmes like that. I cant even look at my twitter account on a Tuesday when One Born Every Minute is on! It's just one of those things I guess. I am so glad you have your DD to help you through. Just like I have my DH and my DSS, who is at uni but we talk all the time.

loubloutwinmum Wed 25-Jan-12 10:58:22

Hi Caroline - really sorry to hear of your loss and hope you are coping OK. It is so difficult but glad mn is giving you some support - not sure I would have survived the last few weeks without it tbh.

Dru - hope you are doing OK and recovering well from the ERPC.Take time and be kind to yourself.

Heels - glad you are doing OK. I watched Call the Midwife Sunday and had a few tears too. I wasn't going to watch that or OBEM but I've always watched and loved these sorts of programmes so trying to push myself and it hasn't been as bad as I was expecting.

I'm now back at work which has been really good for me because I needed to get back into a routine. Also I was filling my time at home by baking AND eating cakes! So needed to get out of the house or else I will be buying a new wardrobe!

Had a good weekend but bit wobbly on Sunday as it was my twins B'day and they were 9 and so full of questions about their birth. It was hard remembering it and reliving it but also lovely and I know I am so lucky to have them. We had a lovely family day out and I was doing so well until this lady stopped to talk to us. She was lovely and said how beautiful the girls were and then just said, you make such gorgeous children, don't stop at two as life is too short & said she wished she had had more. She was in her 70's and really lovely but I just couldn't hold it together and had to turn away as I started welling up and left DH to talk. I escaped & had a few tears away from the girls. I know things like this will get easier but that ache for the baby you have lost is never far away, even on good days. Not sure if that makes any sense.

Also think one of my friends is expecting - she doesn't know about my mc so I am bracing myself for her telling me her news. I am genuinely happy for her because she had a very unhappy marriage and they split without having children and she then remarried a lovely man but he is 16 years older. She didn't know if they'd have kids as she is 40 so I am in no way upset or think it should be me, iykwim but still will be hard to watch someone else going through it at a similar stage to what I should be.

Anyway, will stop waffling and do some work. Thanks ladies, love coming on here to off load. Thinking of you all.

Dru77 Wed 25-Jan-12 11:24:09

I'm going back to work tomorrow so will fill out a self certified sick leave form - what do I put on it for the reason for absence? I have no real objection to my line manager knowing (he doesn't know I was pregnant) but if I write 'miscarriage' then he's bound to say something nice and that will set me off. I'm ok until someone is nice to me and then I cry.

I thought about putting a load of acronyms down i.e. ERPC for MMC as I doubt a man would know what that was - or anyone that hasn't been through it for that matter.

shomes Wed 25-Jan-12 17:24:01

Hi all,

Having an ok week, hadn't really had any bleeding until today and passed a really big clot (tmi sorry) which shocked me and made me feel physically sick.

Sorry to see even more ladies on here, it really is tough, i think the emotions got to me over the weekend after trying to be so strong and just getting to the operation and home again. I guess only time will tell how healing will go but i'm trying my best!

Hugs to you all xx

blackcatsdancing Fri 27-Jan-12 14:14:21

i'm too upset to write much but this thread has been helpful. I had a MMC, suspected something was wrong when i started spotting on tuesday, went straight to EPU who examined me but couldnt scan me for 2 days- the same day my NT scan was due , so we went yesterday for planned scan, told sonographer who started the scan immediately and i knew instantly when i saw the baby it was dead. Baby stopped growing at 8+2, i was scanned at 11+3. Opted for ERPC but have to wait a full week as no surgery slots before then. Now have work to worry about, they didnt know about pregnancy but i need some time off. Ironically i have a weeks holiday booked starting next Thursday (day of ERPC) but should go in on Monday and tomorrow (i'm part time). Cant face Monday, worried the bleeding will get too bad. Tomorrow i think i can manage provided things don't suddenly get bad overnight.
So, so sad. I want to try again immediately , DP so far cant say (which is fine as its so early and i think he is worried about me having GA etc). Also about to turn 44 so age is very much against me.

bonzo77 Fri 27-Jan-12 14:30:23

blackcats so sorry for your news. i was in almost the identical situation, but ended up waiting about 17 days from diagnosis till ERPC. How shitty that you found out at what was meant to be your 12 week scan, presumably on the antenatal clinic. The EPU at our hospital saw me, even though my 12 week scan was scheduled for that afternoonI did have a couple of evenings of pretty awful pain and bleeding during the wait, and like you was worried that it would all suddenly kick off when I was out. The ERPC truly was fine and I was pain free immediately, and had some light bleeding for about 3 days then light spotting for a further week maybe. Just like you, we wanted to TTC immediately. OPK and charting both suggested I ovulated 16 days after the ERPC and we started SWI about 6 days after the ERPC (it was a bit uncomfortable and I did spot after, but the SWI was fine by about 10 days). Am now waiting for AF.....

In the mean time, stock up on painkillers, sanitary towels and nice things to eat. I slept on a dark towel in case I bled all over the sheets (which I did not, probably because any heavy bleeding was accompanied by cramps which woke me up).

bonzo77 Fri 27-Jan-12 14:33:41

Dru I totally understand how someone being sympathetic about the mc might set you off, it does me. How about saying you had to have emergency surgery and if anyone asks just say it was gynaecological / women's problems?

loubloutwinmum Fri 27-Jan-12 14:47:31

Blackcat so very very sorry to hear your news & sorry you are in limbo waiting for ERPC. I decided not to wait the week it would take for me to have ERPC, had medical management & now with hindsight, think waiting the week would have been better. I am only 2 weeks along the line from miscarrying & have just stopped bleeding. I too had limbo times in between scans & waiting for treatment & was unable to go to work as even on days when bleeding wasn't as bad, I was a mess emotionally. So guess I'm saying, don't push yourself. Sure your GP will sign you off. Talk on here, ask any questions & just vent, it has helped me so much. Also a few of us are 'older' ladies - I'm 37. So sorry again & hope you get through the next few weeks but time & lots of understanding is key. Take care.

blackcatsdancing Fri 27-Jan-12 15:03:29

thanks for the info bonzo, i hadn't though about nice things to eat but good idea, plus i've just been sent a £30 M&S voucher so i may stock up there. A 17 day wait is awful, some people get booked in next day. It was a horrid way to find out but in the leaflet they give to all women attending for scan it does say they check to see if baby is still alive, and it also said it wasn't happy occasion for all women, i couldn't read further after that as I felt it was going to be bad news. There were several pregnant women around (some with toddlers in tow) but it wasn't in the antenatal unit. I'd much rather have been scanned in the EPU but they are so pushed for resources.
i too don't want kind words, for some reason they set me off. I'm going to have to say to line manager that it is to be kept confidential and i do not want to talk about it at all. I may say i'm having surgery for gyno problems instead of giving full details, that 's a very good idea.
I have to say staff at hospital were great. They immediately made phone calls, got me seen again in EPU then and there to speak to specialist nurse about my choices, then got on call consultant paged for consent and further info on choices and TTC again, and all the things that needed doing , they were very aware that i needed to go home to start processing the shock but that paperwork and bloods needed to be taken prior to ERPC. They were kind but also very efficient and because so much needed to be done it just about stopped me from bawling my eyes out in the office. Instead I managed to keep to a few tears.
I do wish you good luck in a future successful pregnancy.

blackcatsdancing Fri 27-Jan-12 15:10:09

thanks very much loubloutwinmum. They didn't seem keen on me having medical management, kept saying something about the 'size of the pregnancy". And i would have had to visit another hospital to get the tablets as mine don't have them- that would take me around 45 minutes on the bus so not a good option for me. I'd already thought about it before and decided there was nothing to fear from surgery, plus i wanted it over with. I've been told there is a small chance nature will take matters into its own hands in the week i'm waiting, and also told i can change my mind anytime and cancel surgery.
I'm sorry medical management hasn't been ideal for you and sorry for your loss.

Caroline2103 Fri 27-Jan-12 15:10:45

Blackcat I am so so sorry for your loss. I too suffered mmc the day of my 12 week scan. My baby died at 8 weeks. My body naturally miscarried late the very same day, quickly and painfully. The emotional rollercoaster you are on at the moment means you need to give yourself some time. Like Loubloutwinmum says, don't push yourself. My mmc was in September, I bled for about two weeks after and then after that it is just the emotional scars you need to work on.
I was really really struggling with this until only a week ago a very dear friend of mine told me about mumsnet. So for the past week I have been talking on here and I feel so so much better all ready. Don't suffer as long as I did. Mn has been my saviour.

loubloutwinmum - I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you are looking after yourself xx

blackcatsdancing Fri 27-Jan-12 15:24:14

thanks for your kind words caroline. so sorry to hear you've gone through the same thing .I think you're all right about work and not pushing yourself. I had a MC in my early 20s (very sudden natural mc at 12 weeks- a blighted ovum most likely).Work knew i was pregnant and they told me to take at least 2 weeks off. I really thought i'd be ok after a week but i needed the full 2 weeks. I was ok to go back after that but obviously each instance is different so I'll see how it goes.

Caroline2103 Fri 27-Jan-12 15:29:39

Absolutley, there are no two the same. I took the full two weeks and then went back to work. The first few days were shaky and because only my tl knew.
Since that first week back, work has been great because I can hide from it there. Just keep talking. And although difficult to think of now. Stay positive xx

SwanseaMum Fri 27-Jan-12 16:16:41

Hi ladies haven't been on here a little while been off work last couple of weeks so filling my time with cleaning and looking after my boys.

sorry to you ladies joining us it properly sucks!!!

Loublou how you doing hun ?hope you are ok xx

Dunnitt Fri 27-Jan-12 17:57:07

I MMC (1st time) on the Tuesday had the ERPC on the Wednesday. Was back in work on the Monday. With 5 other pregnant women in line of sight. I spent a lot of time crying in the loos. In hindsight I should have taken another week off. I could have as my boss knew.

My other 2 MCs all happened earlier and naturally on Fridays, so felt that I had to go back into work on the Monday as no one knew about it at work. And I hate calling in sick to often. But again I wish I had taken some time to recover mentally / emotionally. I would take as much time as you feel you need. You'll feel better for it.

loubloutwinmum Fri 27-Jan-12 18:28:11

Hi Swanseamum I'm doing ok, thanks for asking. Having more good days than bad days this week but the bad days have been bad! How are you coping? It is so tough isn't it? Girls keeping me sane that is for sure! xxx

Redbird12 Fri 27-Jan-12 19:12:12

Hi blackcats, so sorry you are joining us on here, I remember you from the Aug thread, i think we were due about the same time in the 1st week? I had an early scan at 10 weeks and found the baby had no heartbeat & had stopped growing 3 weeks previously so I know what you are going through.

I also had the ERPC and it was fine, other than feeling groggy and tired afterwards, I only bled lightly for about 4 days and had little pain. I know everyone is different but I only had 1 week off work as in the end I just wanted to get back rather than be sat round the house thinking about everything. But that 1st week back was hard as still emotionally up and down, starting to feel a better again now and more ready to start ttc again, probably once 1st AF out the way.

Hope the next few days go ok for you and based on loublou's experience that you manage to hang on to until the date of the ERPC. This thread has been a great support for me to talk to others going through the same thing so hope it can help you as well.

Dru77 Fri 27-Jan-12 21:12:34

I ended up writing 'miscarriage' on the sick form (because they then can't take it into account for sick absence totals as it's pregnancy related - not that I've ever had a sick day there before) and handed it over hoping there'd be no comment but he said less than 1 word and off I went. He is super nice though and took me out of the office for a coffee for an hour - cue more tears for being nice. Feel a bit mortified now though.

I had all my antenatal appt letters through on Weds so I've had fun ringing and canceling them. My prescription exemption card arrived too! I've consoled myself somewhat by book holidays so I have something nice to look forward to over the next few months.

Sorry to see there are more people joining the thread. sad

bonzo77 Sat 28-Jan-12 21:51:23

Had a bit of a wobble during casualty. A woman with a star pendant on a necklace for each of her lost babies. There were several. sad. It's not even RL. blush

Me too Bonzo sad I also thought what a lovely idea, I have lost "Pip" and "Bean* and have a little charm on my purse for "Pip" it is a little silver footprint sad

blackcatsdancing Sun 29-Jan-12 09:56:20

Hi redbird12, yes i remember you too, what an awful place to meet up again. I was due 12/13th August. Its such an awful shock isn't it? I had some warning prior to my scan as i had bleeding , for me the shock was wiping and seeing blood , especially as it was how my MC over 20 years ago started. The bleeding settled and doctor in EPU gave encouraging signs (cervix closed, brown blood) but couldn't scan me for 2 days, so she was limited in what she could do. When the bleeding started again the next day I began fearing the worse. You don't ever get over it, but time helps.

I went into work yesterday and rather unusually my line manager was there (i work in an outreach post) . She began to tell me something important i had to do on Monday and i started saying I was not going to be able to come in on Monday and i'd write down why as i was too upset to discuss it, she asked one question and i started crying about having to go to hospital, then basically it came out. She asked if i wanted to go home, (yes!), and said it was only a job and not to worry she'd cover my Saturday shift and arrange cover for Monday. Then i have annual leave anyway. I'm due back at work exactly 2 weeks after I had the scan so i'm hoping it will be enough time . Slightly embarrassing leaving in front of the casual I had only just met (my colleague was away on annual leave- which was a blessing as i don't want her to know), then the ICT man was fixing something , and i'm usually very chatty with him, he looked bewildered as i left. I was back outside again within 10 minutes of arriving. Rest of the day was ok. Did some shopping i've been putting off and it was sunny. I didn't well up with tears when walking . Bought new waterproof mascara though. Night not so good. Tummy pains started and got worse. Felt upset.

blackcatsdancing Sun 29-Jan-12 10:08:22

i cancelled my pregnancy email subscriptions this morning- they always come on Sunday. Fairly painless. Now have to send back maternity exemption card. Not sure i can phone surgery yet to cancel 16 week MW appointment. I was wondering if they'd know anyway. I think my GP will get notification of me being in hospital. The EPU kept my maternity notes (they asked if i wanted them- no), so they have all my details. Does anyone know if they would email MW?

Dru77 Sun 29-Jan-12 10:15:27

Blackcat - your GP should be sent a copy of your discharge letter so should deduce from that that you don't need a MW appointment. Having said that, I'm still going to ring and make sure they have cancelled my 16 wk appt and have done the same for my scans etc.

SwanseaMum Sun 29-Jan-12 14:08:17

I would be 17 weeks today feel a bit shitty. my dh doesn't want to talk about it anymore i think its his way of coping guess women are different.

I am sorry your having a tough time blackcat. I am still struggling and its been 5 weeks and 2 days. still counting days at the mo.

take care ladies xx

blackcatsdancing Mon 30-Jan-12 16:30:47

i sent back maternity certificate and a maternity dress i bought in the sale today. Then cancelled my 16 week app with MW, had to keep it brief with receptionist as I was starting to get near to crying. Asked if the bloods MW took at booking were ok- as suspected they were all fine.

I still feel nauseous, nowhere near as much as before but still there at times. Tiredness getting better. Spotty skin is clearing (the spots i'm very grateful for now as to me they signify I had plenty of progesterone- highly unscientific I know but indulge me on that one). Belly still larger from placenta. Thursday and ERPC can't come round quick enough.

Davidsmom Mon 30-Jan-12 20:20:28


I was 8 +5 today but started bleeding. Had been up all night with DD who had 39+ temp so was exhausted.

had lost the sore boobs recently and hadnt had many other symptoms over the last few weeks (touch of SPD) and started having cramps at the weekend so was sure it wasnt good news.

Had trouble getting into an EPU so had a private scan which confirmed that jellybean had died at about 6 weeks, must have been just after the scan I had which showed a heartbeat :-(

Just feel so sad.

blackcatsdancing Mon 30-Jan-12 21:02:54

so sorry to hear your sad news davidsmom. i'm hoping posting here will help me, i hope it helps you too.

Hope you are all doing OK.

Davidsmom sorry to hear your sad news. You are in good company here, a shoulder to cry on or practical advice, just let rip, I am sure the other ladies will help all they can. I continued to have morning sickness for about 3 weeks after baby had died, I think it takes a while for symptoms to cease.
I am so glad I started this thread, so sad to hear so many ladies joining us but hope it helps to know you are not alone.

Blackcat I sent my maternity certificate back last week, very sad.

No period for me yet, 3 weeks and 3 days since ERPC. I am off on holiday on Monday and just know it will come while I am away. We are leaving DD with PILfor 5 days and I am getting a little emotional about it so it is spoiling it for me at the moment. Silly really as DD goes there every Monday and loves it, she also stayed with them for 4 days when we went on our Honeymoon back in March. But she is so precious to me I hate the thought of leaving her sad

Davidsmom Mon 30-Jan-12 22:23:28

Thank you for the sympathy.

At 42 I knew I had a good chance of losing the little thing but having my 2 DC at 38 and 39 (just short of 40) for some reason thought I might "get away with it" Never had a MC before which is of course at my age pretty good luck so was going to run out some time....

It was a surprise pregnancy as DH was pretty adamant we wernt having any more than 2 and we thought we were being careful but I'd always wanted 3 and was beginning to think I'd get my dearest wish. But not meant to be...

At least I can take Ibuprofen now for the cramping and have had a few glasses of wine which may not have been the best move as very tearful now writing this.

loubloutwinmum Tue 31-Jan-12 13:20:59

Hi All, hope you are doing OK. Sorry again for your loss Davidsmom.

How are you doing today Heels - really hope your period arrives before your holiday. I can totally understand how you feel about leaving DD but you know she will be spoiled rotten and half a great time. My in-laws have had my DTD's quite a few extra nights over the last few weeks and it is hard being away from them but it is good to have some time to yourself too. Hope you have a lovely holiday anyway.

Had a few tears this morning as took a pregnancy test because the clinic instructed me to do so 3 weeks after the start of the medical management. Got a bit fat negative which I know is good as the last thing I want is any further complications but it was quite upsetting. It is like our baby is gone and there is no trace of him/her anywhere now!

Hope you are doing OK Swanseamum & everyone else. Blackcats I bought a maternity top from ASOS but haven't been able to bring myself to send it back so it is just tucked at the back of my wardrobe - so silly I know.

shomes Tue 31-Jan-12 17:58:55

Hi All, so sorry for your losses davidsmum and blackcats I have had a better week. Last week was horrendous as was still bleeding heavily after the ERPC and felt really crap and just wanted to give up everything.

After a good chat with a friend i felt loads better and now the bleeding has stopped nearly i feel physically better. The emotional scars however will take longer to fade.

I think i just feel so cheated by it and had so many plans, it really hurts.

Love and hugs and a glass of vino for you all wine

Davidsmom your story is familiar to mine, I had DD at 39 after having an ectopic at 38. I feel like I have been cheated. But 42 is OK according to my midwife (she is fab). Would you consider trying again ? We are going to try but I am not holding out much hope, we so desperatly wanted 2 children as we are both only children. Were you offered an ERPC ?

Loublou I know you are right, she is just soooo precious now, she always was must now it is different. Lovely that your in laws are being so supportive by having your girls. You really do need some time for yourself don't you.

shomes sorry you have had a crap time after the ERPC sad but glad to hear you are feeling physically better. I found getting back to a normal routine really helped me.

I could really do with wine but trying to loose a few lbs before holiday. I felt quite sick with the pregnancy and as a result was eating lots of biege food. I amd now not pregnant but fat sad

Davidsmom Tue 31-Jan-12 22:19:41

Just lost a long post think I timed out. Annoying.

Went for medical management- probably bad idea I know.

Will post more tomorrow as BAD cramps now and going to take codeine and go to bed.

blackcatsdancing Wed 01-Feb-12 09:21:35

loulbout, it isn't silly. I kept the other dress, partly as it is unrecognisable as a maternity dress with a belt around it and is my usual style (tea dress) so i can definitely wear it , also kept it partly as a reminder and partly as i do hope to still get pregnant and see it through to full term.
I'm hopeful also as my MW said 43 was not unusual where I live. I do wonder how many have had assisted reproduction though. Donor eggs are not an option for us ( no money), but i know many women have natural conceptions in their 40s , so i can't see why it couldn't be us. Another woman on the due august thread was 43 and just had her 12 week scan, her baby was alive and kicking, it gives me hope.
DP and I don't live together and recently spent our first night apart after getting the sad news (my choice to have an evening alone), it was hard. Had him back last night which was much better. He's been great.
Hope everyone is doing ok today. davidsmom hope it isn't too awful. I have ERPC tomorrow and hoping it gives some closure.

Davidsmom Wed 01-Feb-12 15:43:36

Dear All, (Long and TMI warning!)
I typed a long message this morning then when tried to post it got asked for password again and I’d lost it. The second time- v frustrating. So third time lucky?

The early pregnancy unit I went to at St Marys, Manchester were fantastic. I’d been booked for another hospital by GP for yesterday afternoon but had had some problems with them before and when phoned St Mary’s to check if they saw patients without a referral and spoke to a lovely receptionist who explained all about the opening times, what they offered etc and who told me I was very welcome to come I decided to try there in the morning instead. (Cancelled the other one!)

Had another scan and confirmed no heartbeat. They explained that because it was very small (4mm) their and Royal college guidelines say that technically it could be an early pregnancy and not the 8-9 week one expected by my dates. So no heartbeat could mean it hadn’t developed that far, not that it had stopped developing (if you know what I mean) Now there is no way it was a new early pregnancy as haven’t been near DH in that way. But because I had the 6 week scan report with me stating that there was an embryo at a size consistent with dates and a heartbeat at that time they “deviated from the protocol” after checking with the consultant and accepted I could have treatment. So although upsetting that I saw heartbeat and LO died soon after there was a good side to having had the early scan. Otherwise they would have refused to treat and scanned me in a week. That would not have been good for my sanity.

As I was already bleeding and cramping I opted for the medical management and took the first tablet at 6pm yesterday. The cramps were already at about 5-6/10 and escalated to about 8-9/10 over the next 6 hours. The codeine helped (30mg) and although woke up at 3am a hot water bottle helped. The bleeding was bad but only really when I went for a wee. Plan was to return on Thursday for pessaries and to stay in hospital until had passed the pregnancy. They discussed all 3 options, natural, medical management and surgical management (ERCP). Choice was mine and no pressure for any particular option. All clearly explained and although I had to go back in the afternoon to get the tablet and anti D because the blood group test took so long overall my "experience" was very good. They were all very understanding etc.

This morning I stopped having the cramps and started passing errr..”tissue” then this afternoon what was definitely the pregnancy sac. Did have a look but nothing really to see, probably as so early. The bleeding has reduced to what I would have as my heavy bit of a period.

Contacted the unit who have arranged a scan tomorrow morning and if nothing left can go home, if still “stuff” then will have to go through with staying in. Am pretty sure its all gone but can see its best to make sure and get it all over with.

So not as horrendous as I expected although the pain was bad. I think I was well on my way anyway though and the tablet just got things going faster. Had been cramping for 2-3 days before I got the bleeding on Monday and as was supposed to be 8-9 weeks and LO only got to about 6 so suspect it had been happening naturally over the few weeks before. On balance think I did the right thing with the medical management. Of course when the scan says there is still stuff and go through hell tomorrow may be eating my words and wishing I had gone for the ERCP blush

Now on the emotional side not doing so well though… sad

blackcat my midwife was possitive and said she sees a higher % of mums over 30 than she does under, and quite a high % of those are 40+. Keep possitive it will happem.

Davidsmom hope you feel better soon.

Davidsmom Wed 01-Feb-12 15:50:07


Thinking of you for tomorrow.

I definately feel a partial closure in that mentally I feel I am now "not pregnant" whereas yesterday if someone asked I would have said I was despite it obviously having died . Dont know if that makes sense?

Think I can now start to grieve. but not sure how to start sad

X POST with you Davidsmom so similar to me, luckily I had scan at 6 weeks too so they knew my dates were correct. Must be horrendous to be told to go away and come back, apparently it happens a lot as heartbeat can not be found until 6 weeks...very sad thing to happen.
Hope everything goes OK for you tomorrow sad

loubloutwinmum Wed 01-Feb-12 18:27:08

davidsmom really glad you had a fairly positive experience with medical management, so pleased you coped with it. As you say though the emotional side of things is different ball game entirely!! I had the week wait between first & second scan which was just torture because I knew my dates were right!

blackscat really hope ERPC goes ok tom, will be thinking of you.

shomes hope you are ok & coping. It is so sad isn't it & so hard to let go of your plans & dreams.

I too was worried about my age but my midwife assured me loads of women have successful pregnancies in their late 30s & 40's & so so many women of all ages m/c so we need to be positive. x

Davidsmom Thu 02-Feb-12 10:40:01

Apologies as posted this on another thread too. If you are reading both you might have seen it already.

Well, all gone. Confirmed by ultrasound.
Was in first thing, but in the main antenatal scanning area-don't know why as the early unit had scan facilities. They were all v nice but it didn't help having ultrasound pictures on the walls. Suspect they just wanted to have something to decorate the place & wouldn't have given them a thought if hadn't had a MC but they showed 3D pics from 6 weeks upwards with a little description of what could be seen. Thanks.

Unfortunately I now have a migraine . Often get them hormonal lay triggered and wonder if the change in Hormones might have been a factor. Just can't find my Sumatriptan as didn't think I'd be using it for a while. Went to buy some overpriced ones over the counter & nearly had a fight with the pharmacy assistant.

Seem to be either arsey or a complete sobbing wreck in response to anything even mildly complex at the moment. Sudden hormonal changes, stress and grief not a good combination. Apologies for self pity!

Off to have a lie down & hopefully a kip.

Davidsmom Thu 02-Feb-12 17:29:27


Migraine gone thank goodness & feel a bit more human.

Feeling more positive today only 2 random crying episodes so far... Oh and the irrational annoyance at the pharmacy assistant who was being a bit officious but only doing her job blush but suppose not through today yet.

Even went for a quick jog this afternoon. Had been planning a sponsored 10k run at end Feb but was going 2 pull out as pregnant and started getting PGP. Of course just realised when out that I had run the route when 6 weeks & of course now convinced that's "what did it". Must stop torturing myself & accept won't know if anything in particular contributed but these thoughts keep popping up.

Thinking of everyone especially Blackcats, hope your ERCP went smoothly today.

Hi everyone, would it be OK for me to join this thread? I have read through all your posts and am so sorry for all your loses, but really wanted to thank you for posting as it has allowed me to understand much better my options and feel 'normal' about some of my emotions too.

I am technically 9 weeks tomorrow, but had an early scan at 7+5 because I am diabetic. They couldn't find a heartbeat and it was measuring way too small for dates (and my dates are pretty certain and regular). I had to go back again today (8+6) and still too small and still no heartbeat and they are certain (as I am) that I am miscarrying, but because there was a tiny bit of growth (apparently not uncommon in this situation) I have been booked to go back for another scan in two weeks time unless I start bleeding before then.

I know it is all over, I feel completely unpregnant and completely different from my first pregnancy, but I really am in limbo at the moment. Originally I was expecting them to officially say it was over today and then wait it out to see if my body naturally dealt with it. Now if nothing happens in two weeks I think I will opt for the ERPC as knowing for three weeks by then I think will be enough for me of waiting.

Davidsmom, glad to hear that you are feeling better. I think we all have those thoughts about what 'caused' it, even when we rationally know it is 'just one of those things'. Hope you continue to feel better along with everyone else.

loubloutwinmum Thu 02-Feb-12 19:59:28

Hi MrsHercule really sorry to hear about your situation & can empathise with the feeling of being in limbo. I had a week between scans which was so awful so can only imagine how you feel after waiting a week & have another two. Like you I knew my dates 100% & knew it was over but you still hold a tiny hope. Also you are still pregnant during this time so there is no way forward or back. Hope you have lots of support & I really hope that you get fantastic treatment from the hospital whatever route you go down. Such a sad time & I'm so so sorry again. Keep talking on here, it does help. xx

Davidsmom Thu 02-Feb-12 20:03:05

So sorry to hear your story Poirot. What torture you are going through! Mine was bad enough and it was all pretty straightforward. Even waiting a week would have done my head in. Another wait and for 2 weeks this time, thats awful.

I think my LO was on the way out anyway as was about 9 weeks from dates and it hadnt made it past 6 so perhaps thinks might naturally start for you?

I am feeling more positive today as the physical side has happened and as I mentioned am mentally "not pregnant". But think I've a long way for the emotional side to come together.

I was actually reading through this thread about a week before things happened as was so convinced that it was going wrong. Sounds a bit weird but it helped me a lot so if can be of any help please dont hesitate. Would be happy to "pay it back"

Did your previous pregnancy work out OK?

Thank you. Loublou, that is exactly how it feels no way forward and no way back.

davidsmom - yes my first pregnancy all went fine and I have a lovely DD who was two at the beginning of December. Definitely feels different this time.

Redbird12 Thu 02-Feb-12 20:39:54

MrsPoirot so sorry you are joining us but glad the thread has helped already, hope the next 2 weeks go quickly for you, the waiting can drive you mad.

Davidsmom glad to hear the medical management worked out ok for you & blackcats hope your ERPC went ok and you are getting some rest now.

It is nearly a month now since our scan when we found out the baby had no heartbeat & whilst I don't think it is something you ever fully get over, it has got a bit easier with time & I am starting to feel more positive. Initially i think it was so hard emotionally to deal with not just because of what had happened but from the shock of not seeing what we expected at the scan.

I have slowly been adjusting to the fact that we won't be having a DC this summer and it is still hard and little things can set me off but it has got easier each week so please new ladies, take your time and be kind to yourself. I have taken my time to go back to the gym and to feel like socialising but am now getting there & slowly getting my life back on track.

Davidsmom Thu 02-Feb-12 20:44:05

Mrs Hercule I definately felt this pregnancy was different as I hadnt had cramping before but as I've had 2 sections wondered if it was just scar tissue stretching.

I knew there was a high chance of losing LO due to my age but must admit as hadnt had a MC before and saw a heartbeat got a bit carried away and bought maternity clothes and even had a quick look at info on VBAC's, names, yes you name it I had wasted time a browsing the net about it. Feel so stupid as it hadnt made it by then....Now got to take clothes back. If they dont take them they may get the full wrath of the mood swings I'm having. Either Mrs hulk will appear or will end up a wailing wreck blush Think I'm usually reasonable stable hmm

Davidsmom Thu 02-Feb-12 21:02:32

Thanks Redbird.

I was "lucky" to have had bleeding to warn me things werent going well. I dont know how I would have done with sudden bad news at a scan like you.

Glad to hear things get easier. I think "I'm doing OK" then suddenly think about silly things like I wont be having another child at DD's preschool now= upset. That I do really need to finally sort out all our baby stuff and hand it on/donate= upset.

This pregnancy was a surprise and to be honest I'm not sure how we got pregnant as thought we were being careful but I was delighted with our slip up and had been secretly hoping for one for the last few years. DH not so happy but came round. So this was most definately my last pregnancy which I am finding hard as was so excited. I am finding this thread very helpful as finding it difficult to talk to DH as I cant help thinking he isnt upset about our loss. He is upset that I am upset but think thats it. Doesnt help that we are bad communicators....

Poirot so sorry you find yourself here but glad our thread is helping. You must feel in complete limbo, life is so cruel sometimes.

What this thread is highlighting more and more is how doctors always think we have our dates wrong. I know they have to be careful but I am sure we all did a pregnancy test after our 1st missed period therefore we would know our dates. We all know our bodies and cycles. I know we were actively trying and on our 6 week scan I told the sonographer I was 5+6 which was spot on to measurement. Really hurts in these situations when we are sent away into limbo land.

Davidsmom glad you are feeling a little better, but very sad that this is so final for you. Your husband sounds a bit like mine, think he is more upset for me than anything else.
DH and I had huge rows after we lost LO, he wasn't keen on trying again, when I asked his reasons they really upset me. He basically said " I like my life now, DD is getting older and is able to communicate and will be out of nappies soon. She sleeps through and we get to go out everyweek, I think one child is right" This really hurt me as he was the one that said DD shouldn't be an only child and we had been actively trying for a year. It almost felt like he hadn't really wanted the one we lost.
I have screamed and cried and he has relented, he would never agree to anything he wasn't happy with though so I know he is happy that we try again.

Redbird glad you are feeling a little brighter, time is a great healer isn't it.
I am just sad now, rather than hurting iyswim ?
My first reaction was shock, not at all what I expected on the scan. My only worry was my nuchual fold test result, what happen was out of the blue.

My friend/colleage is going on maternity leave tomorrow and while I was chatting to her today baby moved (visably) she took my hand squeezed it and placed on her bump and I felt that reassuring little kick. I had a little tear but then went out and bought her a little gift at lunchtime. I had been meaning to for weeks but couldn't face it, but felt like it was closure for me.

shomes Fri 03-Feb-12 07:43:04

Hi all, sorry again to see more lovely ladies on here sad it really is more common than I thought. At least 4 ladies at work have told me they have had one either recently or before their children. Doesn't make it any better but i suppose i can understand why.

Hope anyone having procedures today that all goes well and hope your all on your way to healing soon xx

Same here, scan yest due to bit of bleeding earlier in week thought i was about 8+5, but scan showed i was measuring far too small for dates and there was no heartbeat.as with several others,am sure of my dates, so not really holding out any hope. hercule and I have already been sharing on this as we are on the same postnatal thread with our 2year old DDs. So surprising how many people this happens to. Just feel sad about it all and nervous about what the next couple of weeks will bring. sad thinking of you all.

blackcatsdancing Fri 03-Feb-12 11:33:10

Hi everyone,
thanks for the kind thoughts. I had my ERPC yesterday morning around 10am. Discharge letter describes the procedure as 'uneventful'. I wasn't actually worried about it but good to know it was straightforward. They seem to do them first thing (they were 2 ,probably 3 of us - bit difficult not to overhear when all that separates you from next cubicle is a curtain.) I went in 2nd, first person was a young woman whose medical management hadn't worked out. I think that is a very good policy as I found being there hard, you are grieving and so are the fathers. One woman had her partner with her and they were both visibly upset, she was crying. I didn't want DP hanging around as I had no idea what time i'd be seen and i just find it easier to be alone at times so i went in a taxi and he collected me later. The nurses phoned him once i was in recovery as they knew it was going him a while to get there. I had lots of tea and some biscuits, they said i had to eat something and pee before they'd let me go. It was so good to see him afterwards, plus he was extra caring all day. First chance he's really had to take over the caring role .

Staff were lovely, very caring and sensitive. Pain today really isn't bad at all. So far i've taken no painkillers. Yesterday i took some of the Co-dydramol they gave me , (I've got lots left if i need them) and they give you a big painkiller at the same time as you have your GA. Bleeding also far less than what i was having before. Yesterday I was very groggy all day and slept an awful lot- something the nurse said it was best to do anyway. Also I am really, really happy that the remains are to be cremated. I asked the doctor how long until we could have sex, she said 2 weeks. I wasn't too happy with this answer so looked extensively on internet and hospitals all say different things. I found NHS clinical guidance just saying to wait until you have finished bleeding, which to me sounds better.

I feel a bit brighter, though did have a bit of a lump in my throat earlier when thinking about things but generally better. I suppose its the relief of not carrying around our dead baby anymore. Also DP and I had brief chat about trying again- he brought it up. We both want to but both are worried about sinking into depression if another MC occurs or if it takes a long time to conceive again. I guess we just have to look after ourselves and see how much we can cope with. I feel bad at letting him down- I know logically I haven't but he was so happy at me being pregnant (as was I).

I'm sorry to see new people on here. I will try to write some more later or tomorrow but needed to get down what happened to me yesterday first. I was told GA takes 48 hours to completely wear off so I'm taking it easy today but want to go out for walk now and see how that goes.

blackcat glad to hear that ERPC was "uneventful" I think that is the best you can hope for. You have not let anyone down, please don't think like that, although that is easier said than done I know. Just take each day as it comes and you will regain the strength to try again I am sure. The first thing I sad at the scan was "I don't think I can do this again" but with a few days of the ERPC it was different and trying again was my salvation.
I was told that as soon as bleeding had stopped we could have sex, but to wait one cycle before trying again (for dating purposes). We took the first piece of advise but not the 2nd.

Davidsmom Fri 03-Feb-12 13:35:24

Sorry you are going through this Ethelred. I dodnt know what I would have done if I'd had to wait knowing things werent working out. When I had bleeding and managed to get a private scan on the same day even I could see that it was all wrong and that nothing had developed from the initial 6 week scan to 9 weeks. Afraid to say I went home and drank a bottle of wine. Not a great way to deal with things I know but at least I knew for definate. The EPU just confirmed and sorted things out.

Blackcats- glad all went OK yesterday. I would have had to wait til today for an ERCP so at least got it over with before.

Not much bleeding now thankfully.

Well I took all the maternity clothes I had bought online in the Next Sale back to the shop today. Didnt have some reciepts and was trying to prepare for the worst & explain why I needed to return a LOAD of stuff. But I just said I didnt need it now & the guy behind the counter just got on with it. Was on the edge of tears as had to watch it all going back. Had tried it all on and had plans for different outfits etc. Affected me more than I thought. Then had to walk through all the baby stuff there. Dont know if that made me more sensitive but there were frankly new babies everywhere which got to me a bit.

But thats been the first time I've been out at the shops so far.

suppose was feeling so positive yesterday as everything was confirmed as over physically. Feeling quite flat today and sense of humour definately still missing. Was going to have a good clean out but just cant be bothered.

Havent actually talked to husband yet about the MC as cant get the words out. I also think as he wasnt keen on another LO he just doesnt get how sad I am. I feel old, tired and think I look 52 not 42 today.

Oh Davidsmom that must have been hard, returning the stuff but good that you weren't questionned about why as you say. I imagine there will be up days and down days and that over time down days will be less and up days will be more.

My dad, who is a doctor, has arranged for a friend (the consultant who delivered my daughter and is lovely) to see us tomorrow morning. She is going to scan me and should be able to make a decision one way or the other, talk me through our choices etc... DH has been fab and spoken to our private health insurance through his work and if I have the ERPC then they will cover that which means might help a bit.

Blackcat glad to hear it was 'uneventful' for you and wishing you a speedy recovery.

Hercule, that is good news. Hopefully it will mean you don't have to hang on even longer.

Davidsmom, hope things get easier for you. You were very brave to go into town. I just want to slope around in my dressing gown all day at the moment.

Really helps to know I'm not on my own, but also so sad for all of you going through it. sad

blackcatsdancing Sat 04-Feb-12 10:14:23

Hi everyone,
davidsmom that must have been really hard. I would have been fighting back tears for certain. Glad they didn't question it.
Mrshercule good to hear you won't have to wait such a ridiculous amount of time. I had a 2 day wait for a scan and a 7 day wait for the ERPC and it was hell.
ethelred are you waiting to be rescanned then?

I managed yesterday with 2 doses of paracetamol, was still pretty tired yesterday but went for a nice walk. Bleeding down to almost nothing . Going into town today to look at a pregnancy book that's been set aside for me. As I said on another thread this morning I'm slightly obsessed with finding that missing gem of information that will tell me what to do/not do in order to have a pregnancy that sticks. I know in my heart its an age thing/bad luck but it helps me to feel i have some sort of control.

Yeah being rescanned on Thursday. Sonographer kept asking me if I was sure on my dates but when you're TTC you generally know those things inside out. Really just want to get it sorted now.

shomes Sat 04-Feb-12 16:31:19

Have to wear heel Must confess we also only listened to the first piece of advice not the second, and its only been 2 and half weeks since theprocedure! (admittedly did need two glasses of vino for dutch courage!) I just want to be pregnant again and everyone around me seems to be pregnant which doesn't bloody help!!

Good days and bad days, we need to realise sometimes we are not perfect and stop blaming ourselves, i guess thats something i have been trying to do however hard ;) x

Glad to hear you're all trying again as soon as possible, that is our plan of action too.

Went today to see the friend of my dad. She was brilliant and explained everything very factually and clearly about dates and sizes. Basically there is no fetal pole and so she reckons it stopped growing about 5-6 weeks. This ties in with how I felt in myself - I really wanted mustard (not usually a massive fan) quite a lot for two weeks, then suddenly had not interest it in any more about two weeks after finding out, which sounds weird, but makes sense to me. I've been a little teary today, but have fully accepted it is over. We are going to wait it out as that was our recommended course of action based on size, and still go back for that scan in two weeks to see what is happening. If it keeps growing, then we might eventually opt for ERPC, but will see how we go. She said it could take anything up to four weeks to happen naturally.

On the positive side she said it was all in the right place and so there sould be no problem in getting pregnant successfully in the future which was nice to hear. I have had a large sloe gin and we are getting a take away curry and it is snowing slightly here so am ready to start moving on a little tomorrow if that makes sense.

Shomes naughty isn't it, still I fell for DD 8 days from having an ectopic so I know how quickly it can happen so didn't want to wait a second longer than we had too.

*Poirot" so sad for you both. There is no rhyme or reason for these things and I am sure you will go and have a successful pregnancy. I know after I lost a tube from an actopic at 38 I thought it would never happen, we had also been trying for a year to conceive but as I say above fell straight away for DD. Take the time you need to heal both mentally and physically. Sending you [WINE]

try again Poirot sending you wine

SwanseaMum Sun 05-Feb-12 10:35:17

Hi girls sorry things are tough for you recently joining us

well ladies i have had my first perod since losing my baby not sure how i felt about it but i guess i know its safe to try again. I desperately want another baby and although i am still grieving I know trying again is the right decision for me. hope you guys all feel emotionally stronger in the weeks to come xxx

blackcatsdancing Sun 05-Feb-12 14:58:34

bad day yesterday, can't stop wondering if there is anything i can do next time to prevent it happening again.
Feeling quite down so finding it hard to concentrate and my memory is awful right now. On plus side DP and I did get a chance to talk properly last night- he said he doesn't like to bring it up as he doesn't want to upset me, and to be honest I don't want it brought up all the time either. I think its partly hormonal, i seem to get close to tears for no real reason. Do hope i'm not slipping into depression (am prone to it).

Anyone know how long the hcg hormone stays in the system? I tested last night with some cheap amazon sticks and got strong line within seconds. I know i was testing way too early.

I think a couple of you said you were taking the advice to wait until bleeding has stopped but not wait for AF and that will be my approach too.

mrshercule i'm glad you got your scan and have started to sort things through. Its an awful thing to go through. Also reassuring that so much was positive, hope next time works out for you.

bonzo77 Sun 05-Feb-12 15:24:45

blackcats sorry to hear that you are also up and down. I also find myself on the verge of tears for no reason sometimes, and wondering about depression. Was thinking about seeing my GP. DH also not really bringing it up, apart from expressing disappointment that AF arrived and I was not pg straight away hmm. TBH I was really pissed off at him, how dare he be disappointed. I felt like he was saying he was disappointed with me, which he has no right to be. He probably didn't mean that but I do just wish he would shut up sometimes.

hcg probably hangs about for varying lengths of time. I had a BFN 5 days after my ERCP. We started TTC again the next day. I had mostly stopped bleeding, maybe a little spotting at that point. DTD did start the bleeding up again, but only lightly and only for a couple of days. It was a bit bruised feeling the first time, but DYD again 2 days later and it was OK. I wouldn't TTC till you get a BFN. because if you do get a BFP you would always wonder if you really were pg or just had left over hcg from the mc. use contraception till then. I planned to do that but got a BFN early on.

I don't think there is anything you can do to stop it happening again, unless you have diagnosed ishoos. I've started to take vitamin B6, and was thinking about aspirin 75mg, but I'm not sure that there is any point in the latter in my case, as its more for clotting issues and recurrent miscarriage, which is not the case with me. B6 I think is useful for regulating the cycle, esp the LP, and is meant to be good for one's mood, so in my case might be a godsend. Just low dose though, as excess can make your fingers tingle!

shomes Sun 05-Feb-12 16:02:09

I have been taking folic acid too, and some seven seas tonic for after illness because I haven't been feeling myself at all. Maybe its due to blood loss or just exhaustion from thinking too much and trying to be positive about everything all the time. Having a low day today, feel on verge of tears and back ache....maybe AF will rear its ugly head, although its only been 3 weeks since ERPC ;(

SwanseaMum Sun 05-Feb-12 17:45:39

Depression is a normal part of the grieving process, crying and feeling down is normal too, medical depression is when is affects your everyday life for a long time, i have depression so know what i am talking about, don't be too hard on yourselves for feeling the way you do you have lost something special. blackcats if you feel yourself slipping into a Blake hole with no end go and see someone i am having counselling which is helping although its a long process and i am still struggling to let go of the pain i am feeling. Take care xxx

Davidsmom Sun 05-Feb-12 22:30:52

Glad to hear you have some definate information MrsHercule.

Thanks again for everyone sharing it does help a lot. I am not myself at all the last few days. Kids havent been very well and we have been able to cuddle up on sofa and sleep without feeling guilty that I'm not doing active or improving things with them. Went to a soft playcentre for a child we knows informal party and my kids were so grumpy and whiny. Think its the tail end of this viral thing but I just couldnt cope with it and just took them home.

Have been very low and couldnt even be bothered post on this thread today. Have had a sleep 6-9ish tonight but dont feel refreshed at all. Will probably find it something simple and i'm just coming down with the kids virus!!

Blackcats- I did a HPT yesterday and I also got a strong positive immediately. I have a good stock of cheap ones I can check with. My memory and concentration also shot.

Think I need to have a chat with DH as we havent actually talked about it as if I get upset I just cant get any words out. He does hug me which isnt like him but as he really didnt want this LO (initially- dont know if he really changed his mind) I dont know if I want to talk to hom as I dodnt think he feels the same in any way.

Got to phone work in the morning as to whether coming in this week. Just dont know if I'll be up to it but dont want to be seen as taking too much time off. I cant even make that decision.......

I'm off to bed now,but just wanted to say take your time to heal and see how you feel in the morning about work.

Big hugs.

Davidsmom Sun 05-Feb-12 23:21:19

Thanks MrsHP

blackcatsdancing Mon 06-Feb-12 10:23:00

bonzo77 i would have been hurt by what your DH said but i am sure he did not mean it that way and he would not have meant he is disappointed in you. I would talk to him, say it hurt, ask if he could keep his disappointment to himself in future and then tell him what sort of response would be helpful for you. For me personally, a touch on my hand or a hug and "don't worry, we'll get there soon" is the sort of thing i'd like, but that might not be right for you.

I'm going to try 75mg of aspirin, i've heard from many posters that their consultants have said it won't hurt as such a low dose (even without clotting problem). One woman i just read on MN took 150mg throughout after 3 MC in a row, she's just had her baby. She didn't say if she was diagnosed with the clotting problem though and i would not feel happy about 150mg unless it was ok'd with a consultant. My father has clotting problems and that alone is something that adds to my risk factors of a stroke- something that irritates me as everything else about me is so healthy and Dad did everything he could to pile on his risks.

shomes i've started taking my preconception vits again. They have folic in them. I hope you feel better soon.
swanseamum, i've suffered from clinical depression in the past and am paranoid about it coming back. I had to make lifestyle changes to keep it away as its a chronic condition, luckily these changes have worked pretty well .Thanks for reminding me that grief is different and normal, I shall try not to feel so scared about what i am feeling (right now i'm feeling angry , and sad, and keep thinking 'why me' which according to most MC help leaflets is exactly what most couples feel). I'm glad the counselling is helping you.

davidsmom try to talk to your DH . I cried before i said much to DP the other day but not enough that i couldn't communicate something to him. I would expect even if your partner didn't want the baby at first he will be sad at what you are going through and want to support you.
I'm due to return to work after annual leave (badly timed!) on Thursday this week. Dreading it, Thursday is my late finish and i'm in frontline customer services so will be on show, Thursdays are exhausting. Not sure if i'll go in or ask for another day off sick (i'm part time) . I'll decide on wednesday. On plus side work will help take my mind off things, though I do deal with families . I hope you start to feel better soon Davidsmom and escape the viral infection.

Hi everyone. davidsmom what did you decide about work in the end - hope you are feeling OK either way.

I told my headteacher today (have told a couple of people at work inc. my line manager) and she was very supportive and has said that if I need any time off at all, even just to go in the middle of the day then that is all fine. In some ways knowing I could just run off home if necessary makes it easier to be there and actually I do enjoy my job (teaching) and so during the day it is OK. It was on the car in the way home I suddenly and unexpectedly got teary today. DH has gone away for the week for work, he was supposed to go yesterday but flight cancelled and he went today so possibly that didn't help today.

bonzo sorry to hear your DH upset you, if he is anything like my DH he probably thought it was a good thing to say - letting you know that he wants to try again and as soon as possible withour realising how it came across. I think blackcats suggestion is a good one for speaking to him.

Sorry those of you feeling down and hope you start to feel better soon. I am still taking the conception/preg vitamins and because I am diabetic they are keeping me on the increased dosage of folic acid and also on insulin. Prior to pregnancy I was on tablets only, but they are going to keep me no the insulin ready for next time.

bonzo77 Mon 06-Feb-12 21:48:41

thanks for the kind words. blackcats that is what I need, a hug or something. I had another shitty night and day today. I said to DH last night that however much I want to be pg and want a sibling for DS, really I am also shitting myself at the prospect of another mc, and if I knew for certain that would happen again I wouldn't be sure I would want to TTC. to which he said "of course it will happen". So I replied, "of course what will happen again? Another mc" He said another mc. WTF. I was so fucking horrified that I just couldn't talk to him. He's really distracted with work, and could easily have said something he didn't mean first time round, but I gave him the opportunity to correct himself. I've got a huge tendancy to take things the wrong way, and it has caused lots of problems, so instead of assuming what it meant, if I can only find a negative connotation I ask for clarification. We spoke tonight and he had no recollection of the conversation, though did apologise. He cannot understand how I can be OK for weeks then be feeling crap again. He tries to delve deeper so he can "understand". I just find it hurtful, as if he wants me to explain myself because what I am feeling is unreasonable. Oh, and had a moment this morning, thinking I'm far too hormonal for someone who has just finished their AF, maybe it was an implantation bleed and I'm pg. But I resisted the urge to POAS, because that would be stupid. I was meant to take DS to meet a friend at a playgroup this morning, but couldn't face it. Feel rotten because DS would have loved it, and that I'm letting him down with all this wallowing.

Sorry, long indulgent post there.

Oh bonzo poor you, that does sound frustrating and upsetting. You're not wallowing, but taking the time you need to come to terms with it. Your DS needs you to be better in the long run, not the odd visit to a playgroup if you see what I mean. More hugs from me.

blackcatsdancing Tue 07-Feb-12 11:05:43

sorry to hear things are so up and down for you bonzo. I'm not sure what to make of your husbands comment. Sounds like he is distracted and possibly not thinking carefully about what he says- especially if he has no recollection the next day of the conversation. Try not to feel bad about not making it to the playgroup, you don't need to be punishing yourself with negative thoughts right now.

I saw a GP yesterday (unfortunately my favourite doctor at the surgery has left so i'm moving around them all trying to find one I like as much, this one was completely new to me) anyway went to request a blood test , had notes written down in case i started crying and needed to point or get her to read what i'd written ( i did start crying but quickly stopped, funnily enough using the notes helped me stop) . She was ok, has agreed to a full blood count as a starter (not what i wanted but its a standard test) but she did offer me counselling. I've declined as I don't think i need it but i have had counseling before and it is very helpful. I'd urge anyone on here who is struggling to cope to see their GP, you will probably get fairly limited help (i.e a fixed number of sessions) but anything will help and then the Miscarriage association have a telephone helpline, not sure if they offer counselling but someone to talk to/listen carefully to you is so helpful.

Davidsmom Tue 07-Feb-12 11:24:10

Hi All sorry for lack of replies to your kind responses just hada few days of being low. Took this week off as well and although sometimes I think I'm just being silly and should have gone to work the next minute something random will set me off in tears. Unfortunately at my work is very difficult to be flexible about going in or not. Its very much black or white. Your in and doing everything your job entails or your not. They have strict limits on amount of time you can take off in days and actual episodes over a year. I got caught out before when took a day off then went in the next as felt better and didnt want to burden collegues. Then ended up feeling worse so took the next day off. Because it was 2 seperate dates, despite being the same illness it was categoriesed as being 2 separate episodes. So if go in and have to take more time off will be 2 out of a 4 episode maximum. Unfortunately I had a bad chest infection just before Christmas and had 2 days off and would end up with only 1 more possibility of being off sick before Dec 2012 or will I get formal disciplinary measures. This is despite up until last Christmas not being off for 14 months. Sorry rant over, just find their system messed up. Understandable but messed up.

Work also want a sicknote so had to phone GP's they are quite good and a GP phoned back and has arranged it over the phone. Thought I was doing quite well and actually managed to say the "M" word without feeling all strange then she went all sympathetic on me offering appointments to just talk about it etc & I just broke down in tears again. Havent even told my mum about it -was planning on waiting til Nuchal scan etc results. Just cant face sympathy at the moment in RL. Here is fine tho!

We have 2 DC (girl and boy) which came late in my life with no previous conception problems so realise I am very lucky and should leave it at that and not "push our luck" but havent talked to DH about recent events and want to broach the subject of considering actually TTC. He was so adamant before that think I'm setting myself up for disappointment but will regret not mentioning it in the future. I know he is genuinely sad for me at the moment but I am convinced that he is not sad about losing our baby as he is happy with 2. I'm not sure how we can reconcile our different views if end up talking about it. Afraid I might get upset if at some point he says I didnt want it anyway although should expect it!? Not finding it easy to explain this confused

Bonzo77 Big hugs your way. You are obviously hurting a lot still. I am rubbish at communicating with my DH so any advice may not be worth a lot. But some of what you say sounds as if he is trying to understand how you are feeling but he does also sound extremely distracted if he replies about something so important to you both then doesnt remember the conversation. This is really something you really dont want any miscommunication about.

Thinking of everyone.

bonzo77 Tue 07-Feb-12 13:33:24

thanks for your kind words, again. Feel like I am needing more support that I give. Feeling rubbish still today. I managed to get in with my GP this morning. I feel like she's the only person in RL who has given me permission to feel the way I do. She reminded me that its only a month since my ERPC, that a mmc presents a whole different set of ishoos from a normal mc, particularly if there has been a big delay between diagnosis and treatment. She's referred me to counselor and asked me to come back in 2 weeks for another chat. Not sure if I feel any better, but great to have my feelings acknowledged as normal in RL.

The whole miscommunication thing is very damaging. It's an ongoing problem that has always been painted as mine because I misconstrue what is said. DH needs to take some responsibility now, because there is finally proof that it is not all because of what I think I hear, but because he genuinely says stupid, ill considered things. We're at a very low point, of course the mc and the months TTC are contributing factors. He is having a tough time at work, and has been for a year or so. I've done nothing but be supportive, emotionally and practically. My natural tendancy is not to talk about stuff or ask for support. So doing so is a big deal for me, and I've only really done this with him, no one else. It's bizarre as he comes across as very caring and emotionally literate, if not that practical. My mother has more or less told me to pull myself together. I feel there's not much understanding about at the moment. I hope that this counselor gets back to me soon.

loubloutwinmum Tue 07-Feb-12 13:38:37

Hi All, Sounds like we are all struggling at the moment - have had some OK days and then it all just hits me again like a truck! Still so raw though.

Bonzo sorry to hear you are feeling so down and that your DH has upset you with his comments. It is so hard and don't beat yourself up about not taking your DS to play group - you need to do what you need to do to get through each day!

Blackcats glad GP was fairly helpful, my GP offered me counselling too but I declined it at the moment as although this is very hard, I feel I am coping.

MrsHercule glad your headteacher was understanding and I think you are right, knowing you can escape if it becomes too much, helps you stay put and cope. Hope your week isn't too difficult with DH away.

Davidsmom that sounds a very strict sickness policy where you work - I used to work somewhere similar and it can be so stressful, especially at a time like this when you don't need any added stress or pressure. Glad you got a certificate from the doctor anyway. Sorry you are feeling so differently to your husband - we too have 2 DC and think I should just leave it now due to my age and I really can't face another M/C. Luckily my DH is pretty much leaving it to me and I am still thinking that not TTC is the sensible option for the whole family. BUT, a huge part of me can't let it go, it is an instinct that I feel and although my brain says it is silly, I just can't imagine not having a baby now! I hope you can talk to your DH and come to a decision you are both happy with.
I have told people on RL but am finding it hard coping with other people's reaction to the news of my M/C. One friend in particular really upset me last week because she popped to see me and then spent the whole time telling me how sad SHE was, and how upset the news made HER, and how sorry SHE was that she couldn't do more. Sounds like I am being really mean (probably am) but I just spent the whole time comforting her and telling her it was all OK and that I was alright! Then she asked if we were trying again as she would be so jealous if I was!!! WTF. I just said I found that a bit insensitive because obviously if we do TTC it will be very frightening and MC might happen again. She only has 1 child and is quite bitter as her DH refuses to have any more. Anyway, I am probably being ever so unreasonable as I know there is nothing anyone can say that helps but I'd rather they just said sorry and left it, if I want to talk I will.

Anyway, the snow has been a pleasant distraction and had some fun with my girls. I really hope you are all having better days today. Take care everyone.

bonzo77 Tue 07-Feb-12 13:51:08

loublou angry at your "friend". Some friends of ours had a still birth in June. Another one of our friends (who had just had her 2nd baby) had a similar sort of reaction. TBH I never liked her, she's very self centred and her reaction was not a surprise. You just need to give people like that a wide berth.

kirrinIsland Tue 07-Feb-12 15:12:04

Hi ladies - sorry, to hear about all your experiences sad

I had a mmc at the beginning of Jan, and had a erpc. I was 11 weeks but measured as 8. It wasn't a huge surprise as the pregnancy hadn't felt 'right' from the start, but horrible to have it confirmed. I knew what they'd say when I went for the scan, and asked for them to turn the main screen off as soon as I went in, I was that sure there would be no heartbeat sad

I've noticed, reading this thread, just how many of us had an early scan and then went on to miscarry anyway. I always thought that once you'd seen a heartbeat, the chance of mc was really low. I've had 3 pregnancies - 1 successful and 2 losses (1 mc, 1 from abnormalities) - and had an 8 week scan with all of them. I am desperate to be pregnant again but i'm scared by the idea too - the first 12 weeks in particular will surely be unbearably stressful? Especially as I will no longer be able to feel reassured by an early scan sad

I hope you are all feeling stronger soon and that 2012 will bring us all successful pregnancies.

shomes Tue 07-Feb-12 18:37:48

Kirrin I am understandably wary abou the whole thing now as well especially as even an early scan does not guarantee a MMC.

Its been 3 weeks since the MMC and I do still feel quite bitter about the whole thing some days, not sure if its just hormones and the dreaded AF is on its way soon?

Everything just seems a drag at the moment, looking forward to the half term as DS is still at nursery until december when he starts school so i am making the most of time alone!

liny Wed 08-Feb-12 16:15:01

I have been reading the post for the last 2 days. Same story here, 12 weeks scan to be told that baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I did an ERP 3 days later (monday) and all went well so would recommend this option. Could not leave with the idea that i might miscarry anytime...
I'm going back to work on friday but hoping that I can hold it together.
I have a lovely DD1 who keeps me busy but the sense of loss is still there and I'm feeling worse today than before...
Any idea about how long before we feel better?
I can not wait to try again but I'm dreading the idea of falling pregnant again and worrying until we reach the 12 weeks scan....
big hug to all xx

blackcatsdancing Wed 08-Feb-12 17:27:35

davidsmom i think you are right in thinking you may regret not talking to your partner in the long run but i can completely understand your fear in him possibly saying no he doesn't want to try for another child. Its a difficult one but i think being open and honest about feelings is very important in a relationship .I too find RL sympathy hard to cope with, I always have. Even though I know bottling things up and keeping stiff upper lip isn't good i don't feel great about starting to cry whenever anyone says a kind word or I say i had a miscarriage and i've had to tell some people , GP, receptionist at surgery to cancel MW apps etc
bonzo sorry to hear your mother had such an unhelpful reaction to your distress. You are gieving and even if you're a stiff upper lip type person like me crying randomly or when you see/think of something that sets you off is completely normal. It takes an awful lot to make me cry but i've shed quite a few tears and no doubt plenty more are to come. I've also decided i wasn't ready to return to work yet and am having a few extra days off. When you are feeling stronger maybe you and your partner can start working on your communication problems as it does sound damaging.
Hi to liny and kirrin, sorry for your loss, it is such an awful thing to go through. I think the time it takes varies and you will have good days and bad days. I still feel sad at the loss of my first over 20 years ago, but it doesn't consume me and hasn't done for many years, but it is still there.
I won't pay for another early scan but may consider taking up offer of one at EPU, not sure yet how I feel about that. I read another woman who had 3 consecutive MC who had regular scans starting at 8 weeks and went on to have a healthy baby ,she found it helpful, i'll see how it goes. Apparently reaching 8 weeks and having seen the heartbeat the stats of a MC are 5%. I fell into that 5%. It really means that I will not be able to feel safe in another pregnancy until I have my baby in my arms.
Going into town or the supermarket is hard, town especially so many babies, so many mums in cafes with babies, so many loved up coupes with their babies. However can't stay at home all day.
Also bought baby hat in an online sale today- couldn't have faced it in RL. A little grey merino woolly hat. I am trying to be positive and think about a baby arriving next winter. Silly i know but I think being positive has to be better generally.

kirrinIsland Wed 08-Feb-12 21:31:58

blackcat I would still go for as many scans as possible I think, I would hope they would offer some reassurance, even if it doesn't last long. I think a lot depends on your epu though. I am lucky enough to have 2 hospitals near me - one will do so called reassurance scans at a push, the other won't even consider it. Postcode lottery unfortunately. Will your epu oblige do you think?

That is the statistic that I read too - that's why I was so surprised that so many on this thread had experienced it sad

I think staying positive is the best way forward - hard to do but definitely best.

bonzo77 Wed 08-Feb-12 21:46:30

I have mixed feelings about early scans. After all, they don't change anything, and everything can look fine at 8 weeks and not at 12. If I'd had an 8 week scan this time, it probably would have picked up my mmc a bit earlier, saving me at least 4 weeks of wondering if I was pregnant. For me, that's the only advantage. Any reassurance value only lasts as long as you are in the scan room. My GP seemed pretty confident I could get an early scan on the NHS, but I am in London and have easy access to about 5 hospitals.

kirrinIsland Wed 08-Feb-12 22:13:14

I know what you mean bonzo - it would be reassuring to see a heartbeat, but you'd start worrying again almost straight away sad I still think I'd do it though, even though i did have an 8 week scan with this one and everything looked fine then...

Davidsmom Wed 08-Feb-12 23:07:31

Hi All,

I was feeling OK today then was just watching sommething tonight and just dissolved in tears. Cant even remember what it was. Thank goodness I didnt go back to work.

Anyway, not that I'll be in that position again sad but I would recommend having an early scan again. If I had not had a 6 week scan with heartbeat and then the second at 9 weeks but measuring 6 weeks with no heartbeat technically it could be an early pregnancy so would have had to wait for another week to have the miscarriage I knew had happened confirmed/treated.

I would not be reassured by a scan given my previous experience but it really helped when needed to know what had happened.

I still havent had a chat with DH as I know it will end badly and havent the strength.

Take care.

blackcatsdancing Thu 09-Feb-12 09:27:07

i don't know if my local EPU would give me a reassurance scan. I'll have to ask GP when i go in to say i'm pregnant again (positive thinking over here!). I too have mixed feelings about early scans. My early scan was a private one at £99, i don't regret it but not sure i'd want to pay again. On plus side everything was in right place and looked good- well attached, she mentioned yolk sac and a couple of other things (er heart beat...), she pointed out that I had good supply of eggs. So that reassures me that it was most likely a chromosomal abnormality, not a scientific deduction but as the vast majority of MC are i shall go by that. If baby had made it alive to NT scan DP and I may have had to make an awful decision if scan showed baby was poorly and was unlikely to make it , it doesn't lessen the sad feelings I have but makes me feel bit more practical about it all.
Should have gone back to work today but have a couple more days off . Today i'm having some routine blood tests done. Hope everyone gets through today ok.

blackcatsdancing Thu 09-Feb-12 15:40:40

had my blood tests, not sure if i misunderstood the GP during the consultation or if she changed her mind after I left but i had the tests i wanted done plus the full blood count. This means i'm being tested for clotting problems. Very happy about that!

Redbird12 Thu 09-Feb-12 20:58:23

Just checking in with you all as not been on here for a few days. Hope everyone is doing ok, well as much as you can be, sounds like there are a lot of up and downs at the moment which I totally relate to, I can be feeling fine all day and then one little thing can suddenly just set me off.

Had to unfriend someone on Facebook the other day (bloke I used to work with, don't really see now) as he has smugly changed his profile picture to his baby scan picture and every time I go on it keeps coming up on my newsfeed and reminding me of the moment we found out our baby had no heartbeat at the scan. TBH, I'm sure he's not really smug, just proud, and I am being over-sensitive but felt so much better afterwards!

Still getting some deliveries of maternity clothes from Next that I bought in the sale just after Xmas but were on an extended leadtime. Going to keep a few bits now, feeling optimistic for later in the year! DH and I have also started TTC again, waited till 2 weeks after the ERPC but not waited for AF.

Thinking of you all and hoping the ups start outweighing the downs soon smile

kirrinIsland Thu 09-Feb-12 21:29:36

blackcat glad you got the tests you wanted. Having experienced both a termination for abnormalities 'incompatible with life' and a mmc I can say that I think you are right - the mmc, whilst awful, has been easier to deal with.

davidsmom that's a good point about the 6 week scan - i hadn't thought of that. Having wait so long for confirmation really would make a bad situation a million times worse sad

blackcat and redbird loving the positive thinking - keep it up smile

Dorita75 Thu 09-Feb-12 23:34:06

Hi all, sorry to see names I recognise from Aug and Sept threads. I had second scan today after last week showing only 5mm/6wks when I know I should've been 9+4. Today still no heartbeat and half millimeter growth but all signs of missed miscarriage. After last week I expected this and feel ok, maybe more emotions will kick in at some point. Not sure whether to do things naturally, had 12wk scan booked for 20th, so thinking of waiting to see what happens over next few days. Might go to see doctor on Monday to discuss options.

Knew things weren't right as my boobs deflated back to normal size, not sore at all and sickness disappeared.

It's my birthday tomorrow, will be 37, won't forget this one in a hurry!

Oh Doritos, so so sorry you have had to join us. Will write more tomorrow. X

Dorita sry, stupid iPad!!!

Hi all, and sorry again to see Dorita and hercule on here.

Had my follow up scan yesterday and as with Dorita, no growth really so was confirmed as 'early foetal demise'. sad
So booked in for ERPC today and as hospital have confirmed they have a bed hopefully today should mean being able to draw a line at least under the practical elements of this, if nothing else.

Feeling relatively ok about it all, but may well feel different after today. Sending best wishes to those of you who are really going through it.

Dorita75 Fri 10-Feb-12 09:52:27

Thinking of you today ethel as you say, gets practical stuff over. I'm still not sure whether to wait for natural end or do what you're doing. Neither are nice are they...today's my birthday so am putting off decision and visit to women's hospital for advice until tomorrow. Hope all goes as it should for you today x

blackcatsdancing Fri 10-Feb-12 10:16:42

sorry for your loss dorita. I do remember your name from the August group. I am glad to hear though that you seem to do doing ok at the moment. I think how people cope with it really varies depending on numerous factors. Although i was devastated when i found out there was also a real sense of numbness. I feel better now the ERPC is done (i had a weeks wait which was awful) but I have a long way to go.
ethelred , all the best for your ERPC today.

I am cross today, cross i'm still testing positive (normal i know), cross i'm still bleeding (albeit really only when i wipe- again normal i know). Cross that by the time my period comes it will be 6 months on from when we started TTC, and i was fortunate in getting pregnant 2nd month we tried. Cross that i'm 44 next week. Uterus seems to have shifted back in place. Tummy back to its usual size, boobs back down again. Can stay up to my old normal bedtime. Really cross than until bleeding stops i shouldn't be having sex with DP, though we are being intimate in other ways which is nice but we want to try again so eager for that to stop. God i'm moaning. Back to work tomorrow - mixed feelings about that, part of me knows it will be a good distraction. I'll be back to doing OPK in the staff loos at lunchtime, something i was relived to see the back of.

blackcatsdancing Fri 10-Feb-12 10:19:17

oh and Happy birthday Dorita. Try to do something nice for yourself. I did read your post on your August thread and saw you said you had plenty of support, that's going to help.

Hi everyone. Dorita, I hope your birthday was OK and you at least managed to enjoy parts of it.

I'm struggling I think at the moment with the waiting bit... have another scan on Thursday so going to see what is going on then. Might opt for ERPC after that, but just don't know. I feel like I am losing so much time waiting that it is the same as losing time trying for next time, but in reality the most we will be talking is a couple of months. I keep feeling like I have known for such a long time, but in fact it is only just over two weeks.

Blackcats, I think you are allowed to feel cross - hopefully everything will start to move on soon...

Dorita75 Sat 11-Feb-12 19:26:47

Thanks Mrsherculepoirot and blackcatsdancing did manage birthday okay, weird one though. Feel much more positive today because I've been to hospital. They couldn't do much at weekend so I'm booked for a scan on Tuesday, though might get in on Monday if there's a cancellation. They do ERPCs on Thursday so I'm planning on going for that if nothing happens beforehand.

The main reason I've chosen that option is because the waiting is also doing my head in mrshp, just the not knowing when/if something might happen. I want to get the physical stuff over with. Feel I'm dealing okay with the emotional side (today!) as really haven't felt pregnant for so many weeks and to us, our little sprite has buzzed off waiting for the right time to come back, am currently trawling web for info on getting pregnant again.

I know it's one day at a time, am so glad of this thread and everyone on here, makes things easier when you can 'talk' to others who know what you're going through.

liny Sat 11-Feb-12 19:33:33

Sorry ladies for your loss . Having just had an erp I would recommend it . At least we can move on I did not want to wait for natural miscarriage,had been carrying dead baby for 6 weeks by the time I had my 12 weeks scan.
Still, takes more time to grieve for the loss of little ones;-)

Dorita75 Sat 11-Feb-12 19:34:55

blackcats I hope work was okay today. Still feeling cross? I don't blame you, must feel like you've gone through enough and things aren't getting back to normal quick enough! Sounds like they are getting there though and we should all take advantage of this fertility window I keep reading about wink as soon as they are back to normal.

Hi All

Sorry to hear we have some new ladies with us, makes me sad sad Was thinking this morning I should have been nearly 18 weeks pregnant by now sad and it is 5 weeks since ERPC and still no AF.
Had a nice relaxing holiday and came back to -13.5 temperatures in Luton on Friday night brrrrrrrr.
Bought some cheap Ovulation and pregnancy tests before I went as I wanted to have a drink on holiday but was a bit paranoid. So did a PT the night before I went and also last night (silly I know) and got PFN. Have also been testing daily for ovulation, for the last 12 days and nothing so don't really know what is going on grin(

sorry that should have been another sad at the end of my post !

Hi all, and Dorita, forgot to wish you happy birthday! Hope you did something nice! smile

Had ERPC yesterday aft. Was booked in on Friday, but they kept putting me back as they had emergencies coming into theatre, and then at about 830pm they decided to put me onto the Saturday surgery list. Despite the 36 hours in hospital, of which for the majority I was nil by mouth (arrgghgrin) the procedure itself took about 45 mins from going up to theatre to coming round in recovery. Had some tummy ache last night, but that seems to have stopped, so now just some light/med bleeding really. Feel quite positive to have it all over with with minimal mess and upset really.

Hope you are all ok and thanks for your good wishes. Not something I hope to have to go through again, but feeling relatively positive and want to get back on TTC as soon as we both feel ready.

loubloutwinmum Sun 12-Feb-12 11:04:53

So sad to read that so many more ladies are joining this thread.

Heels glad your hols was good but must have been a shock landing in Luton with those temps!! I have just got my first AF this morning, it is immediately very very heavy & painful but glad I have it as was keen for my cycle to get back to normal. Hope you get yours soon Heels, or not if it means good news!!! Off to see my 6month old nephew today, a few cuddles with him are priceless & really help strangely. My girls adore him & that is lovely but also makes me bit sad as think how they'd be with a brother or sister!!

Hope everyone has a good Sunday! xx

TMI alert!!! Hi everyone, I think, that I might finally have started spotting slightly, a slightly rusty colour when I wipe, have popped a pad on and looked out my maternity pads at the ready just in case. It sounds awful, but I feel almost excited that finally the end might be near. I had thought that if nothing happened by Thursday's scan, then I would definitely go for the ERPC after that, so it would be nice having waited nearly three weeks if it did happen naturally for me.

Sry if TMI, but it isn't something I can really update my fb status with, so thought I could maybe share here...

Hey Hercule

I can imagine after you have been waiting so long that it is a relief. Fingers crossed that this is it, and that it is quick and pain free. Xxx

Fingers crossed for you Hurcule hope you are soon in a position to move on. Sending you wine

Dorita75 Mon 13-Feb-12 21:01:48

Hi Hercule Don't worry, I feel the same! Have been bleeding since last night and am also excited in a weird way, all just steps closer to this being over and to trying again.

Phoned hospital this morning and they've said to still go for the scan I'm booked for tomorrow. I hope they can tell me what's going on in there and if I need to or can have an ERPC - not sure if they can still do one to get it over with more quickly?

Have not really cried at all the last 2 days, felt pretty good considering, think because it's almost over..hope so and that some big emotional stick doesn't hit me later...! Went to see my 14 month old neice last night too loubloutin and few cuddles were lovely, even helped give her her bath and felt okay. All good signs.

Hope you're okay Hercule and we both get past this stage quickly smile

loubloutwinmum Mon 13-Feb-12 23:37:42

Thinking of you both MrsHercule & Dorita - hope you get some answers at your scan tom Dorita.

My period is so heavy & very painful, really feel totally washed out & have only had 2.5 weeks in between stopping bleeding from my m/c & AF, with a stinky cold in between so feel utterly crap!

Was lovely seeing my nephew & SIL was so sweet & very understanding. I'm very lucky that my family has been so supportive. Just wish I knew whether to TTC again or not. Still feel so scared about poss m/c again but my SIL said something very sensible last night. She said I will know when I'm ready if the fear of not TTC starts to outweigh the fear of MC again. It is so simple but true so will wait to see if the balance of fear shifts! Sorry waffling now.

Dorita75 Tue 14-Feb-12 07:44:41

I'm a big believer in following your instincts loubloutwin and what your SiL says makes sense to me. Thinking of you, hot water bottle and plenty of tea today! Xx

Yes loubloutwin that is good advice from your SIL. I know we definitely want to start TTC again, but will be really nervous about it if we get pg again. This is just not a situation you expect yourself to be in, but I have been really surprised at how many of us end up here...

<Waves to Dorita and hercule.>

That is good advice. Ethel I think you've explained it well - that you don't expect to be in this situation. I will be terrified next time (assuming there will be one) and certainly much more wary of telling people I think. I told too many people early this time, although I guess I would have told them all about mc anyway and seem to have told more and more people recently so maybe it doesn't matter!

I thought i'd imagined the spotting last night but actually definitely there is some today. I am pleased it is happening now and think I am mentally ready... We shall see though I guess!

bonzo77 Tue 14-Feb-12 13:36:57

hercule, I really hope that this all passes for you. Please don't be disappointed at your scan on thursday if they say that you still need the ERPC. I lost massive clots the size of my hand and had actual labour pains, the the scan showed the sac was still there as well as lots of other tissue. The ERPC really was a doddle, tiny bit of bleeding and absolutely no pain after. If I am ever unlucky enough to be in the same situation again, I would definitely have another one.

Hi all, could those who've had ERPC give me a little bit of advice. Had ERPC on Saturday afternoon and today have had hardly any bleeding at all. Is that normal? Most things I read said bleeding up to a week, but it's only 3 days. If that is it, I'm happy at that, but just wanted to see what you thought. Thanks.

bonzo77 Tue 14-Feb-12 16:06:42

I had the same. It started again after a couple of days, though very light just spotting really, and lasted on and off for a couple of weeks. But the worst was definitely the first 2-3 days when i used pads.

Ethelred I only had bleeding for 2-3 days and very light bleeding at that so I think it is normal.

shomes Tue 14-Feb-12 18:59:46

Hi Ladies, sorry again to see new ladies on here and sorry for your losses sad

I stopped bleeding 2 weeks after ERPC only to resume normal activities, the week later after SWI started bleeding again (like a period) but only lasted two days and had clots again, so bit confused!

Also getting pains in my uterus and feel like i gained so much weight and now look like crap and can't be bothered to do any exercise to get rid of it. Just wish i was still pregnant with our little bean, its really hard xx

Dorita75 Tue 14-Feb-12 20:13:38

Oh shomes it's just shit isn't it. With so much you've gone through, and the other lovely ladies on here, I reckon diets and losing weight are things you can bin off for now wink don't put too much pressure on yourself. Just do nice treaty things for a while...thanks plenty of time for exercise!! I got tonnes of chocolate for my birthday and am having pudding after every meal including breakfast smile

Ethelred It sounds like what's happening is 'normal' How are you feeling?

I went for my hospital scan today and the smiling sonographer asked me how far along I thought I was....had to point out I'd had 2 private scans that showed a mmc...she must've skipped reading the notes hmm

Anyway, although I've been bleeding since Sunday the 'pregnancy' was all still there, saw Doc afterwards and am now booked in for ERPC on Friday morning.

Ah well, the giant toblerone is calling me from the fridge...or is it the fancy chilli choc...or the maltesers...best go and check...

Oh shomes, that is crap. I know what you mean about wishing everything was just ok and going smoothly.

Dorita glad you are getting sorted and hope that you have a quicker hospital experience than my 36 hour stint! smile. I am sure you will. Am feeling pretty ok, going back to work tomorrow just for a day, hopefully that will be do-able!

loubloutwinmum Wed 15-Feb-12 00:05:24

Shomes, I could have totally written your post, feeling exactly the same! Especially with the weight issue! I spent the year before I got pregnant losing weight & getting fit, lost 3 1/2 stone & for first time in years was happy with my figure. Since the pregnancy, subsequent m/c I just eat whatever I want, baked cakes like they were going out of fashion. Have pudding ALOT & feel pretty flabby & crap! I felt so angry this morning when I was getting ready for work, I was squeezing into my skinny jeans & sucking in my muffin top & just kept thinking I would have had a nice bump by now! Felt really cross & sad & have felt like that all day. Bloody stupid AF doesn't help as bloated & got dry skin too. Sorry will stop moaning now!!!

Hope you are all coping ok, Dorita hope Friday goes ok & hope that toblerone, chilli chocolate & maltesers are keeping you going - malteser bunnies are doing it for me at the moment!

Dorita75 Wed 15-Feb-12 07:48:49

Just a hug to everyone. Have woken up feeling bit weepy...think cos period type pains are kicking in more so more aware of what's happening...or not happening as the case may be, would rather hold out till Friday's ERPC please body.

Hope work is ok today ethel I'll be thinking of you.

Hi everyone. Well bleeding properly kicked off this morning, was horrid, like passing lumps of jelly. Happened duringbeakfast and ended up stuck on loo with DD downstairs in highchair ' I eating my porridge mummy'!!! Called my parents and DH, neatly fainted twice, apparently my lips went blue! Ended up in A&E, admitted straight away, some internal check - worst thing ever. Now on ward poss going to end up with ERPC anyway but not sure.

bonzo77 Wed 15-Feb-12 14:32:46

lou and shomes the whole weight thing is a minefield in itself. I've always been very preoccupied with mine, so much so that I refused to be weighed through most of my pregnancy with DS. Bizarrely, when truly grief stricken, I stop eating and tend to drop weight (as opposed to just being a bit miserable when I eat for england). So my mmc resulted in nearly a stone off, but I know that if TTC takes long I'll gain due to massive consumption of crisps, macdonalds, toast and wine as soon as AF arrives.

shomes Wed 15-Feb-12 14:41:56

Thanks everyone for your words of support, Dorita thinking of you and what your going through, its really hard when you already have children to keep it together and not short change them in any way.

Feeling a bit better today but have poorly DS who was up all night with ragingn temp so staying awake with caffiene!!

Dorita75 Wed 15-Feb-12 15:54:01

Blimey Hercule what a horrible day, glad you've been seen in hospital, maybe ERPC the best option?

Thanks schomes am feeling much better this aft. I don't have any children (yet) so at least don't have to hide my moodswings!

Thanks Dorita -sry that post was all about me! Glad you're feeling a bit better now.

Nothing happening here - just managed to walk 10 yards to loo and back, with help and nearly fainted!!! Not sure what they are going to do...

Weight for me is an issue. I weighed nearly 18 stone at my heaviest and had managed to lose about three stone of that. Between just before Xmas and last week I'd managed to put on a stone. I found a combination of overeating when I had a hypo, plus then comfort eating hasn't helped. I have however just joined myfitnesspal and am hoping to use that when this is all done and dusted!

bonzo77 Wed 15-Feb-12 18:16:40

hercule I think I x-posted with you. What an awful day! It does sound like what happened with me and I did end up with the ERPC. Hope you're feeling much better soon. Horrible being in hospital. For me being at he was better, more private and comfortable though I felt awful and DH and my parents wanted me in hospital. Obviously I refused to go! Thank goodness for family who can help out with other children. I know what one means about not wanting to short change the DCs we already have. sad

bonzo77 Wed 15-Feb-12 18:17:43

*he home. FFS on phone.

Oh Hercules. what a day you've had. I really hope that you are getting sorted now you're in hospital. I hope the EPRC goes smoothly for you. Fingers crossed it will be a walk in the park compared to what you've been through today. Massive hug to you.

Dorita, hope you are ok and not too upset. Hope that you can hang on til Friday for your ERPC. Big hugs to you too.

Went back to work today. Was ok, there was hardly anyone in anyway, so was a nice way to ease myself back in. And I only work mon-wed so that's me done for this week. Feeling fine now really, just a bit of very light bleeding, more like mucous really (sorry if TMI!) just got to finish off my antibiotics now and then will be having a very big glass of wine on Saturday night!

Thinking of you all. Xxx

Thank you. Just finally been seen now, going for ERPC now. Blood pressure dropped to something over 44 and I feel very weak and shaky despite just lying down. They thought it might be ok, but seems I am perhaps a bleeder - I was after DD too. Really has been the worst day ever and I don't think I will ever forget the feeling of passing all the bits!

Oh Hercule, so sorry you have had such a shit day. Hopefully it will be fine now. And soon you will feel so much better. Xxx

FFS change of plan! Not going now... Having some more drugs to make my body do it first because emergency in labour ward (fair enough I am stable, well physically!)... Must try to sleep!

loubloutwinmum Wed 15-Feb-12 23:31:59

MrsHercule you poor thing, what a horrendous time you are having, hope you are managing to get some sleep. At least being in hospital you know they will react to whatever your body does. I totally know what you mean about "passing" the pregnancy, it still haunts me. I too was trying to cope with it at home with DD around, so hard & getting to hospital was a relief in some ways ( although horrendous in many others)!!! I really hope they are taking good care of you & some end is in sight to at least the physical part of your m/c.

Just watched OBEM, why, I am not sure & found it so emotional, feeling really low today anyway. AF has knocked last bit of stuffing out of me I think. Hope you are all doing ok ladies.

Dorita75 Thu 16-Feb-12 13:07:36

How are you today Hercule? (I've been reading loads of Agatha Christie the last few weeks, and watching Miss Marple boxsets, love your name smile)

Hope everyone else is okay. Glad work was okay Ethel I work full time but might go in next Fri rather than wait till Monday, a slow return to get my brain back in work mode!! Will see how it goes.. I'm still booked for my ERPC tomorrow (7am at hospital, great!) but think I might have passed stuff today. If so, I seem to have got away with it lightly so I'm not holding my breath but here's hoping. Will still go tomorrow as they'll have to check anyway.

I had a little weep, but more relief I think. That's it's (hopefully) over and we can look ahead properly. Am okay now and even okay watching One Born Every Minute that I recorded from Weds.

Suddenly aware of how chunky I've become though, after stuffing pasties, chips, mountains of bread & cheese etc for the last month or so, bugger wink I feel a new start coming on, bit of exercise (within reason, not gonna go mad or anythin) and healthy eating, appreciating my friends and family and definately not stressing about stuff that doesn't matter, like work!!!

Dorita75 Thu 16-Feb-12 13:08:53

...sorry Loubloutwinmum I meant to ask how you are too..I hope a bit happier today xx

Hello. Well finally had scsn this morning, still stuff there so had ERPC feel amazingly better both mentally and physically and have eaten finally!!! Hope to be going home in a few hours - can't wait to cuddle DD.

Dorita, hope all goes well for you tomorrow, the passing bit isn't pleasant. Either way you'll be in good hands and the ERPC was fine.

LouBlou - I'm sry you had to deal with that too, but it made me feel better what you said, like it is normal to feel that way. I hope in time the memories will fade or be replaced by happier ones

Ethel - glad work went well for you.

Hope you are all feeling Ok, thx for your support. I know it was all a bit me, me, me yesterday but it helped just to share. Xx

Oh fingers crossed Hercule that is you sorted, physically at least. What an ordeal! Xxx

Thanks Ethel - feeling much better all round , just a bit weary.

dorita thinking of you today and hoping all goes smoothly.

blackcatsdancing Sat 18-Feb-12 08:40:08

Hi all,
i've been so busy, back at work and a home DIY project that's been keeping me occupied. Yesterday was my birthday so went for a day out which was good.
Sorry to hear some people have been kept waiting for their ERPCs. I think your hospital have it all set up wrong and i'd complain to see if they can change policy.
I was booked into day surgery, they don't see emergency cases so there is no chance of surgery being reschedued at the last minute. They told me when I was admitted at 7.30am exactly when i'd be done (2nd). All the ERPCS were done first, then came other routine gyno cases - mostly exploratory work. I was so upset and it really helped knowing i'd be going home by lunchtime.

Being busy means i don't have time to dwell but still have the odd sad/tearful thought. Still bleeding (mostly when i wipe), its like a thin brown discharge, turns pink after we've had intercourse as i guess the blood gets disturbed and moves out quicker, earlier it was more watery, a watery brown discharge , still testing positive last time i checked (thursday i think). Had terrible pains last week, wondered about seeing GP and have app for Tuesday ready in case i need it as am worried about the bleeding still. Now wondering if they were particularly bad ovulation pains as seem to have stopped and were around 2 weeks after ERPC. I do get OV pains, but these were something else- again i've read that can happen- the pain can be far worse after. I chart and have been doing so this month, really just out of interest. I can't use cervical mucus as info so its temperature alone, which according to fertility friend makes my ov on day 10 this month. I can't see that as being right, hormones are all over the place . Wed and thursday felt so angry and upset at still testing positive and not knowing what was going on in my body. I like charting, gives me a feeling on some control and i like the info it gives me on my body. Right now i haven't a clue whats going on. so anyway we are TTC again, did start before 2 weeks were up and if i we waited for bleeding to stop we'd still be waiting. Pretty certain i don't have an infection, temp normal, discarge smells normal, pains now gone, just still bleeding.
Gosh, must get ready or i'll be late for work!

Dorita75 Sat 18-Feb-12 11:01:31

Well, that was quite possibly the grossest experience of my life! How naive of me to think that teeny 2" piece of tissue on Thursday was it!

Went to hospital at 7am, due to emergencies I didn't go in to theatre until about 3:40pm (your hospital has much better system blackcats). From about 11:30 I started passing it all naturally, boy oh boy. After a few jelly like bits I told the nurse, who asked me to take a bedpan to the toilet so they could assess what I was passing. Spent next few hours going back and forth, and 6 bedpans later, and changing a pad every 10mins (and not quite making it to the toilet in time once or twice, had to rinse my slipper socks in the sink as I leaked on them) the nurse rang theatre to say I had to be next no matter what.

TMI alert, I can only describe the stuff as a mixture of raw liver and jam and it felt neverending. Theatre was fine, only in 5 minutes and then my boyf, mum and dad came and took me home about 8pm.

Turns out my blood group is O negative, so I had to have an injection in my bum before I left, need to read up on this a bit more but it's to help with future pregnancy.

So glad it's over, despite it being totally yukky, gross and horrible, I know we are all actually pretty lucky. The poor girl in the bed next to me had an eptopic pg in November and some fluid in her tubes that wasn't sorted properly. She was back in, with a potential normal and eptopic but they had to investigate as both her tubes were filled with fluid, she faced the propspect of losing them both. She doesn't have children yet either and I count myself lucky that I still have that chance. It just makes you realise (as someone else said) how common problems are.

So back home now and amusing myself at boyf having to go and buy me massive sanitary towels smile for the first time. Oh, another funny thing, I'd been to the library to grab some nice easy reading chick lit books and obviously hadn't paid attention to what I was picking, got to hospital to find I was reading a bloody Mills & Boon, just what you want in that situation, a shit sexy book!! Almost glad I had a banging headache all day that stopped me reading anyway!!

I hope everyone's feeling okay today, happy belated birthday blackcats

Dorita glad you are home - it really is gross as you say. I am glad for you that you were in hosp when the worst of it started tbh.

It isn't nice that you've all been through it too, but it helps to know it was 'normal' IYSWIM.

Blackcats, glad you've been busy and happy birthday for yesterday.

blackcatsdancing Sat 18-Feb-12 13:28:50

That sounds awful dorita. glad its over and you are back home. I really think its appalling to keep people in our situation waiting like that. Very distressing. I suppose being in hospital gives some reassurace (immediate medical help) and glad the nurse was on your case. I would complain, if enough people make a fuss hopefully they will change something. I actually sent them a thank you card as i was so pleased with the way everything was dealt with. Rhesus negative in pregnancy means you will have to have some anti-D injections to be on the safe side.I don't know much about it as am rheuus positive.
My bleeding afterward my ERPC was never bad and lasted maybe 3 days, it was worse before, but i used up a packet of maternity pads and then switched to regular ones. Today the bleeding has got worse again- more than just on wiping and bright pink/red. No sex yesterday but i did walk a lot not sure if the excerise did anything, I doubt it really as i've been walking to work and back. If it continues shall see if GP can arrange a scan as i'm getting concerned (probably don't need to be). Anyway still testing poisitve as of this morning 17th day.
Thanks hercule. It was a nice day.

shomes Sat 18-Feb-12 16:28:00

Hope you are all feeling better after your ops, still have bad dreams about the whole thing some nights, although a glass of wine does help ;)

blackcatsdancing Sat 18-Feb-12 16:38:28

i meant the bleeding was worse before my op- was rushing to type in my lunch hour!
I wanted to add that i share with others concerns re weight. During my pregnancy i lost my sweet tooth- I ate ok and only put on about 1-2 pounds by 11.5 weeks. Now am comfort eating, lots of biscuits and cakes and was at upper range of what i consider acceptable for me when i fell pregnant so need to stop. My BMI is ok but i hate the way i look right now . Not sure how to tackle it but shall try.
Hope everyone is doing ok this weekend.

Redbird12 Sun 19-Feb-12 13:18:23

Hi All, hope everyone is doing ok. Hercule and Dorita glad the waiting is all over for you and you are now recovering. Happy Birthday for Friday blackcats. Share with you all the weight concerns, i craved carbs all the time when I was pregnant so put on weight quickly but since the ERPC have had no motivation to eat healthily or do much as much exercise as I used to.

Anyway, i may have some good news to share, just not sure yet whether to believe it or not. It has been 6 weeks since my ERPC op and no sign of AF, now the consultant did tell me it could take up to a couple of months for things to get back to normal but over the last couple of weeks have been experiencing some familar symptoms - achey heavy boobs, indigestion, tummy tightening etc so did pg test this morning which showed BFP! But I know you can test positive for a few weeks after a MC so not sure whether to believe it or not. It is feasible, DH and I started TTC again a couple of weeks after the op and know it can happen quickly so don't know whether i should be getting my hopes up or not. Will test again in a few days time....

blackcatsdancing Sun 19-Feb-12 13:33:00

redbird that sounds very promising! see if the line gets darker next time you test. After 6 weeks surely its a new pregnancy?? anyway fingers crossed for you.

Dorita75 Sun 19-Feb-12 15:14:58

Oh redbird I do hope so, that would be fabulous news! Not only for you but fabulously inspirational for us all too!

I just want to ask a question too, after mc how did you all feel? Not much detail on internet so just want to check I'm normal! I feel very bloated, stomach quite tender and I must sit down slowly as feels tender inside but kind of in bum area...also feel knackered. Am sure it's all normal but all I can find on internet is about the bleeding and emotional side of things. I did cry in Tesco earlier with sharp pain while in baby aisle (was buying iron tabs, just happened to be in same aisle) which turned out to be wind, then laughed loads outside when I got mixed up and called an egg sandwich a scrambled egg sandwich..am not usually very affected by hormones but think that's changed since the mc!

Oh Redbird That is fantastic. From previous experience I would say this is a new pregnancy. Such wonderful, happy news smile
After falling pregnant straight after an Ectopic, I tested after 7 weeks from the date of the op (after feeling sick) and it was BFP, got it confirmed by getting a blood test at the docs. Doctor said it was highly unlikely hormones would still be detected 7 weeks from loosing baby, but tested me (my doctor is fantastic, I love him). So looks like you have got straight back on that horse, from experience this is the biggest healer after loosing a baby.
Please keep us updated smile

blackcatsdancing Sun 19-Feb-12 15:32:25

dorita physically i felt very tired. My uterus was still larger than normal - now back to usual size, and I had some mild pains that I read someone else said their Gp said could be the pains of their uterus reducing size/ shifting back into position, that made sense to me. I had some sharp stabbing pains and also had to be careful when sitting down. I guess the uterus is very low down. Make sure you have plenty of rest , take care of yourself, and if you get worried consult your GP/ post on here.

blackcatsdancing Sun 19-Feb-12 15:59:57

i've been doing some research into first periods after ERPC. Most places say 4-6 weeks after, but i have found some NHS hospital leaflets where they say 2-6 weeks after and the American pregnancy association say 3-6 weeks after a miscarriage (depending on how regular you were before). My partner thinks i might be having a period (my bleeding has ramped up again) as am irritable, i've also been craving sweet stodge which is my usual trigger for knowing AF is on its way. Anyway just thought i'd share that it can quicker than 4 weeks. I also may be craving stodge as its my way of self medicating when feeling down and may be irritable due to constant bleeding !

bonzo77 Sun 19-Feb-12 17:02:45

Mine came 27 days after ERPC. I ovulated in between on about day 16.

liny Sun 19-Feb-12 20:00:27

Hi all ! Also still bleeding slightly after 2weeks. Have not try pregnancy test as it will upset me i think . Same issue with a belly still looking bigger than I normally am ! Hoping to go swimming as soon as bleeding stops. Intending to ttc ASAP can not see myself waiting a cycle ... Still thinking about how far I should be now and trying to move on ;-( travelling for work tomorrow so will stay busy ! Have a good start of week .

linyI keep thinking that too, would have been having 20 week scan on 27th Feb and would have been finding out the sex sad

Hi all,
Redbird, that does sound really promising! Fingers crossed for you.

Dorita, hope you're ok, does all sound really unpleasant. Hope the mills and boon gave you some light relief! just in terms if what you were saying about the bloatedness and the sharp pain in the bum areablush, I had the same, but didn't make any connection. Feel pretty good now, but do still feel quite tired. Doesn't help that DH has been ill and DD I think is teething, so really out of sorts, so all quite wearing really. Got big deadline at work this week, which is preying on my mind, si will be very glad to get that out of the way.

Bleeding seems to have definitely stopped, so just waiting for other signs of things getting back to normal now. Is hard not to think of what might have been though; would have been my 12week scan on Tuesday. sad

Hi everyone. Redbird that does sound promising - are you going to visit your GP to try and confirm, or wait and see a little bit longer?

liny, HaveToWearHeels and Ethelred - it is difficult sometimes isn't it. I was going through my calendar today and had to delete off it the 12 week scan which was booked for the 28th.

I also have some of those aches and pains so it was good to hear that they are 'normal'. I mostly just feel really tired at the moment, I think due to the blood loss. I am still bleeding, although of course only been 3 days, although it does seem to have got slightly heavier today.

I am not going to work this week (I only work Mon-Weds anyway and monday was an INSET day) but DD going to cm still so hopefully proper rest. I had e-mailed the few people at work I needed to to let the know and then got an unexpected, but lovely, e-mail from my headteacher (who knew the situation before half term) wishing me a speedy recovery and basically telling me not to worry about work etc... which was lovely, made me cry obviously, but made it easier to not go to work.

Hope everyone doesn't have stressful weeks!

loubloutwinmum Mon 20-Feb-12 00:10:56

Hi All, trying to catch up with everyone but only on my phone so sorry if I miss anyone or get things wrong!

Redbird got every possible thing crossed for you, we need some good news on this thread. Please let us know any more news?

Dorita how are you doing now, sounds like you really went through it. I was very bloated after m/c & had pains too so we all seem to have similar experiences. I am still very tired & this first period following m/c has wiped me out. Has been really heavy & lasted 7 days & was v v heavy for 4 days.

I am feeling exactly the same as some of you, those milestone dates are just ringing in my ears. My 16 week appt with midwife was booked for last Friday originally. I had loads marked on my calendar so I just had to get a new one as it was too much being constantly reminded.

Had a lovely half term with the girls despite stupid period rendering me a bit useless. Even though I am not sure if we will be TTC again, I find I still religiously take my folic acid every day! Hope you get lots of rest this week MrsHercule & start to feel bit better. Lots of love to everyone. Have a good week.

Dorita75 Mon 20-Feb-12 21:23:03

Hi all,
Thanks for all the inside info on post mc feelings smile makes sense that uterus is still big and with all the poking about with ERPC, maybe it's harder for food to get through intestine etc..though the bloating has been much less today.

I had a burst of energy today, felt fab and made some soup, then flopped on couch all afternoon and felt pooped, still do. Feel like an old person, feeling so tired after the exertion of making a pan of soup!!! I'm staying off all week too MrsHP I spoke to my boss today who said take as long as I need, said I'll be back next Monday. Going to make an appointment to see doctor, find out more about this rhesus negative blood thingy.

I'm taking my folic acid too loubloutwinmum! Sounds like your subconscious is voting for ttc again, have you had any more thoughts on it or just going to go with the flow?

Night everyone x

Dorita75 Mon 20-Feb-12 21:24:47

P.S. ethel I didn't even bother with the Mills and Boon, that's going back to the library tomorrow grin

loubloutwinmum Tue 21-Feb-12 11:11:32

Hi Dorita, how are you doing today? Hope you are managing to relax and put your feet up. I'm still petrified about TTC again and not sure if we will. You see this pg was a "surprise", our girls are just 9 and another baby wasn't on the cards. I am also a bit of an oldie at 37 BUT after the initial shock, we were thrilled. But having another baby would massively change our lives and our girls lives and I am not sure if I want another baby purely to try and make this sadness and hurt go away - it is a very confusing time. I just can't imagine feeling "OK" again without having another child but then I feel so guilty because I have two beautiful girls and I am so so lucky! This m/c was just so horrendous I fear another would send me over the edge! I don't know but will carry on with the folic acid until I know what way we are going to go. Are you going to be TTC again as soon as possible?

I am also Rhesus Negative so had to have the anti D injection again. Had it during my pregnancy with my DTD's and after I gave birth. Did you not realise you were rhesus negative until you m/c?

Hope you have a good day anyway and thinking of everyone else too. Lovely blue sky here today, makes everything seem more positive.

Dorita75 Tue 21-Feb-12 11:39:36

Hi Loubloutwinmum you've got a lot to think about, it's not easy is it? I believe in trusting your instincts, whatever they end up telling you!

I'm also an oldie at 37 (only just wink) and will be ttc as it will be baby number 1 if we're lucky enough to get pregnant again. Only took us 5 months this time so I'm hoping it won't take too long again. Not sure whether to wait one cycle or not, part of me feels I should to make sure everything's back to normal, other part just wants to get on with it, no time to waste! Will ultimately depend on how we feel, and how I feel as still a bit bloaty etc...so can't imagine doing the business for a bit!

Just had some lovely flowers delivered from a good friend, and a dress I ordered from New Look, both cheered me up smile

Have a good day x

Dorita75 Tue 21-Feb-12 11:46:53

Oh..forgot last bit....I didn't realise my blood group no, bit mad really. I've given blood loads of times and it's never been mentioned. I've always thought I was O positive. I remember when I first gave blood years ago I got a printed card which I've since dug out and it does say O Rhesus D negative, I mustn't have been aware of it at the time (too busy going out getting drunk etc in my youth to pay attention to such things!!) Can't find my new blood credit type card but I've never noticed what's written on it. My Mum has never been told either, and has always thought I was O positive like her, though it turns out my Dad is negative. She said if she'd have been told she'd picked up on it as her friend was negative and had a really small baby 40yrs ago (which my mum reckons was due to a fall and placenta issue rather than blood but hey..)

Looks like now I've had the injection all will be okay, but going to mention to doc when I next go.

blackcatsdancing Tue 21-Feb-12 14:59:00

Hi all, finally saw a GP about my prolonged bleeding. First she said it could be an infection- she didn't ask about any temperature or smelly discharge , just said its best to treat it that way as first course of action. Then she said it could be- but far less likely , some retained products and asked if i wanted to be rescanned at EPU. Then she said if nothing shows on scan and i'm still bleeding that it will stop (nature will take its course) but it may take 8 weeks and if i don't want that (and i really don't) I can have some hormones to make the bleeding stop.

So, i'm on antibiotics and have appointment on Friday at EPU- i couldnt make the earliest day they offered- Thursday, but i spoke to the ward nurse and she said if I get a negative pregnancy test result i shouldn't come in. She said there will be nothing there to see. I actually did a pregnancy test today and at long last it was negative. So although i didnt tell her that, if its negative again tomorrow i will cancel and hope the bleeding finally stops. I was slightly emotional at finally seeing the line go, even though i've been angry at it still being there.

GP says its very likely i will get my period next week (i.e 4 weeks after ERPC), it surprised me she said that as the non-stop bleeding made me assume it would be delayed. Anyway i do hope she is right.

Also phoned and cancelled a consultant appointment re pregnancy, letter came yesterday, person on the phone asked if i'd miscarried, i managed to croak out yes, she then said she was very sorry , i really couldn't reply to her, she quickly moved on to to say thanks for ringing to let us know and i just managed an 'ok, bye'. I hope she knows i was upset and not being rude.
Its like a nightmare. Said to GP i just want to know what's going on in my body again and that not knowing is making things worse, feel i can't move on.
We want to try again immediately but the thought of going through this all over again is terrifying .

Hi blackcats - did you test again this morning? what was the result? I hope you are feeling OK and I am sure that the person on the phone realised you were upset and not rude, they must be trained to deal with that all time which is probably why she asked you outright rather than waiting for you to try to explain if that makes sense.

I thought I was feeling OK about trying again as soon as possible, but actually I am getting more and more terrified too about going through the same thing again.

Fingers crossed your period comes next week and all is well for you and you get it all sorted soon!

Dorita75 Thu 23-Feb-12 11:45:39

How are you today blackcats?

How's everyone else doing? The sun is shining today and it's reflecting my mood. Yesterday was a weepy today and I'm so glad I woke up happier today - know it's one day at a time but you've got to grab the better days with both hands haven't you!

Bleeding is tailing off I think. Will start thinking about ttc again in a few weeks I think. Like everything to do with pregnancy, it doesn't matter how much you read/google/hear from others, there's not set format and nothing is going to change whatever may happen, doesn't stop me reading loads about people getting pregnant after mc though!

Hope everyone is okay today xx

Hi all

Blackcats, as Hercule said, I'm sure the lady on the phone didn't think you were rude at all. Working where she does she will know how precarious these things are and how upsetting it is when things don't go to plan.

Dorita, glad you are feeling more positive today after yesterday. You are bound to have good days and bad days.

Still no sign of AF here, so not sure really how long that will take. I suppose it's not even been a fortnight since the ERPC so I am probably expecting a bit much. just want things to get back to normal!

Hope you are all ok.

Ethelred I have just started another thread on the subject of AF after ERPC.
7 weeks since ERPC and so far no AF sad. As DH and I have been taking ne precautions I have being doing a pregnancy test each week for the last three weeks. Hospital told me up to 6 weeks, so I have made an appointment at the Docs for Tuesday just to run it by him as at 41 I feel like I am running short on time sad

Redbird12 Thu 23-Feb-12 20:20:15

Hi all. Hope you are doing ok, thanks for all your messages of support about my BFP news.
blackcats hope your appointment goes ok tomorrow or the bleeding finally stops before then. Hope that everyone has managed to enjoy some of the sunshine today (sadly not me as been in meetings all day)

But I'm feeling positive, did another test, this time a ClearBlue Digital so I could see how far along I was, another BFP and the last few days have started to get more symptoms...nausea (actually welcomed it!), stomach twinges etc

Test showed 3+ weeks since conception, working back this means I must have got pg the very first time we did the deed post ERPC! DH & I work quite different hours most weeks so only see each other properly on weekends which makes it easier for me to work out when I must have conceived.

For anyone else who is TTC straight away, I believe I conceived 19 days after ERPC op (counting day 1 as day after op). This suggests my cycle kicked off again about a week after the op. Last time it took us 5 months TTC so certainly does back up what I heard about being more susceptible to fall pg quickly post MC.

I am feeling optimistic about the new pg, DH is actually the one who is more worried. I was a bit upset that he wasn't happier by the news but i think he is just so anxious about the potential of going through the whole MMC again. I did point out, (maybe unfairly), it was actually me who had to go through it, yes we both suffered emotionally but I had to deal with the physical side as well.

Have booked midwife appt for a couple of weeks time, would like to try to get early scan again as if anything is wrong would rather know sooner than later.
I know officially it will be hard to date this pg as didn't wait for AF but I'm pretty sure about dates still and reckon I will be due mid Oct.

I hope this gives everyone else who wants to TTC again some hope that it can happen quickly, just fingers crossed now for a safe & healthy pregnancy x

Hi everyone,

Can I join you all?

I had an erpc in december, should have been 13wks, lost the Baby around 8.

Just to add my experience of AF returning I had light spotting for 2days 4wks after erpc, then 8wks after a proper AF.

Were TTC already, AF due in 8 days. So everything crossed.

The pains still pretty raw though, not helped by sodding bounty emailing me weekly despite several emails to cancel it!

HaveToWearHeels - I don't know if it helps at all, but I was told AF could return anytime up to 10 weeks after ERPC and that it just depended on my body, hormones and all sorts of things and that they have no way of telling.

Redbird - how exciting fingers crossed for you that all goes well!

I thought I was feeling better about it all and able to speak to people, but told someone today and got a little teary and then an friend came over with her DD this afternoon and I had a little cry when talking to her too! I was fine though within minutes each time... I think it is just that everyone has been lovely and sympathetic and it just sets me off a little bit again each time!

I keep thinking that I will start my healthy eating tomorrow, but have yet again been rubbish. I am still on insulin and really need to get my eating under control so that I can then try to manage my diabetes better. Of couse not being pregnant doesn't give me the same incentive if you see what I mean and of course I need to sort it out ready for TTC again...

Dorita, you sound as bad as me at looking things up on the internet!!!!

blackcatsdancing Thu 23-Feb-12 21:01:59

welcome stateofconfusion , so sorry for your loss. How awful to keep getting emails from them, i shall make a point of not signing up for them . Try marking them as spam , might only take another 1 or 2 getting though before they go straight to spam in future.

thanks for everyone's kind words and reassuring me that the person at the hospital wouldnt think me rude.

I did indeed test again- another negative yesterday ( 2 days in a row) so i cancelled the scan. I then almost immediately dried up. No spotting at all for about 10 hours yesterday, i was so happy i lured DP into bed, only to later see sheets covered in blood- cue me being rather upset - assuming it was sex related or just more endless bleeding. However this morning i realised it was far heavier than before and the colour was different, bright red. Its continued all day so i think i've got my period! At the moment its not bad, minimal pain but then I don't tend to have heavy or very painful periods . It seems early but as i said a few posts ago several places say its possible from 2 -3 weeks afterwards. Its 3 weeks today since ERPC but i was bleeding for 9 days prior to my op. I'm feeling tentatively optimistic and hope my cycle returns to normal straight away. I so hope those of you waiting don't have to wait much longer , for me feeling so removed from my body and what was going on was terribly hard to deal with.

congrats redbird. I know my DP is worried sick about it happening again (as am I). Glad you are feeling positive (important for you mentally , 9 months of anguish is tough for anyone to deal with) and i wish you a safe uneventful pregnancy!

mrshercule i'm the same, any kind word and i'm teetering on the edge of tears- like you i seem able to pull myself together quickly. I'm intending to start eating healthily again now it looks like i have my AF, i've been better already today. Although i'd love to drop a few pounds my main motive is to keep as fertile as possible and that means improving my nutrition .

Sry StateOfConfusion x-post!!! Sorry for your loss and how annoying about the e-mails.

thanks Hurcule seems conflicting information from different sources. 10 weeks seems likely, I would just hate to wait for three months then to find something was wrong.

Redbird so so pleased for you. I know from experience that getting pregnant again helped me heal so much. I am sure that you will get an early "reasurance" scan. Please keep us updated as this is just the story that we all want to hear smile

Just a quick message to say I have everything crossed for you redbird. would be lovely to have some good news on this thread! smile

So good to hear a 'success' story redbird I have my fingers crossed for you smile

Have just marked them as spam, why didn't I think of that before doh!

So is there anyway for me to stop insanely symptom spotting? Af due in one week and today I felt a bit sick, felt run down a few days, totally exhausted and headachey. Got a brief spell of heartburn also. All just wishfull thinking I recon.

Dorita75 Fri 24-Feb-12 09:00:29

Hi all,

MrsHercule and blackcats I'm glad I'm not the only one. I think I'm doing okay and then get teary, only for minute or so but it's the fact you don't know when it'll happen. Sometimes it's when someone is nice but it's also the thought of having to function properly in work soon...I'm planning on returning to work on Monday but the thought of it now has made me cry a bit.

This afternoon I've got first doc's appointment since ERPC last Fri as I want to sort my sick note out as well as general chat about negative blood group etc. I've had 2 weeks off so far as I took the week after the 2nd scan when waiting to miscarry, the ERPC was the end of that first week, and then this week.

I'm still getting tired if I do too much. I know all this and being teary is normal and will continue for a while but I'm wondering whether I should take more time off or just get back to normal. My boss will probably be okay with me working say Mon, Weds, Thurs next week rather than the full week so that's an option too. Although I want to get back to normal, I don't want to rush back an affect overall 'recovery' and getting healthy for ttc. What do others think from your experiences?

Stateofconfusion you sound normal! Symptom spotting etc..when ttc I was so aware of everything my body did and until I did get pg, paid attention to every little twinge/feeling so assume that'll be the same now waiting for AF! Hang in there smile

Re the websites I'd signed up to, most were simple 'unsubscribe' buttons but some took you to the site and made you search through and alter details like 'when's your baby due' - not very considerate and made me so angry angry

Not very well thought out of the websites. I was lucky in that the miscarriage started in my half term so I wasn't at work ad had had this week off, although I do only work three days.

I was shattered after my first 'normal' day lolling after DD yesterday, but I do think I'm ready to start getting back to normal and am already worrying about my 6th form classes missing lessons! I also know that I can teach some lessons sitting down a lot and getting them to come to me for help rather than rhe other way round if necessary - not ideal but I did it when necessary when pregnant so I know it is fine inthe short term.

Maybe the the three das next week dorita - do you have to say in advance or can you see how you feel after Monday?

Dorita75 Fri 24-Feb-12 09:38:26

I'm not sure, I was planning on phoning my boss this morning but have just had a very teary half hour. Was supposed to be seeing a friend this aft who's just had her 2nd baby (thought it would help and to be honest, yesterday I felt fine about it) but today the 2 things - uncertainty about work and new baby have made me cry. I've cancelled seeing my friend. Because this is all so damn unknown it makes it so hard to plan ahead, arrgh!

I'll have a cup of tea then ring my boss, I'll tell her how I am, that I want to get back to normal but am unsure how I'll feel on Monday/am up & down emotionally, see what she says.

Thanks HP

Dorita75 Fri 24-Feb-12 10:06:25

Sorry, it's about me today!

My boss rang and I told her I was up&down etc..she was great, said she's happy being flexible, if I want to go back on Monday I can, and if want to go straight home no probs, also can just 'be' in the office but as my work's covered by others there's no need to take it all back until I'm ready. Also said it's okay if I wake up Monday and don't feel ready to go in.

Think I'm going to get doc's note to cover the 2 weeks I've had off already and then just use my leave when I need to over next week or so. Luckily I always hang on to my leave 'just in case' so have 3 weeks left to end of March.

blackcatsdancing Fri 24-Feb-12 10:23:14

stateofconfusion assuming this is my period (and i think it is) i had no warning that it was due, looking back maybe i was eating more cakes/biscuits than usual (typical premenstrual behaviour for me) but then i was also feeling down and sweet stodge is what i comfort myself with.

dorita i've seen two different GPs since my ERPC, both have been wonderful. I hope it helps to talk to someone. They may want to keep an eye on you if you are finding things very hard, they may offer some counselling. The way you are feeling is completely normal, its still such early days. As for work. I had 2 weeks and a bit off ( i work 3 days a week, none of them consecutive). I was due to go back after a prebooked holiday on a Thursday but its such a long day for me i knew it wasn't right. I chose to return my next working day- a saturday which is also my shortest working day. I've a history of chronic depression and have to take care not to do too much or I will relapse, that's why this pattern of work suits me. I also do front line customer services so i can't hide away, and much of my work involves standing up . Look at all the factors that may affect you and weight it up. I am still tired, i'm still not myself with customers. I think my tiredness is related to emotions, and the fact that my body was (and maybe still is) still 'playing up', my endless bleeding got to me, as i imagine it would get to someone if they were waiting an excessive period of time for their AF. Although i find work tiring it is on balance for me better than sitting at my computer endlessly googling what i can do to prevent another miscarriage or looking for women my age (44) who have had successful pregnancies- which is what my days were filled with after I found out our baby had died. Writing that brings tears to my eyes.
You will start to find it easier, i'm better now than i was 2 or 3 weeks ago. We just all need to be kind to ourselves and not push ourselves too much. I'm going to finish my DIY project today then go for a walk and maybe start planning some healthy meals for week aheda, i will not google endlessly.

blackcatsdancing Fri 24-Feb-12 10:29:00

oh x post dorita. That sounds very reasonable, great she is ok with being flexible. I had annual leave booked so 1 of my weeks post recovery came from that as I couldn't cancel it. I didn't mind that. I've used my last few days up to books off random days, makes my working week even shorter which helps with the tiredness (which is probably a touch of mild depression). I hope you feel better soon. I know once i cancelled my Thursday return i felt a huge weight had been lifted as i was worried about coping.

Dorita75 Fri 24-Feb-12 19:24:03

You're right blackcats doctor was great. I told her I planned going to work on Monday, teary at the time and she asked if that was a good idea..! Said see how I feel and if I need a note for a few days, ring them on Monday for one.

Feel much better that there's no pressure so that'll make it easier, am just going to with the flow after the weekend.

Doc also said we can start ttc as soon as we want, we'll get pregnant when my body's ready so no need to wait for a first cycle. That's made me happy grin

Hope everyone is okay this Fri night.

That's good Dorita - both on work front and TTC front!

Dorita- your boss sounds lovely.

I had a bad day today, thoughtless sil was due around the same time as me, her and her dh kindly tagged dp mil and fil in there 20wk scan pics so I had it splattered on my facebook no less than 5 times! Along with "lifes soooo perfect" comments so I quietly unfriended them and switched my phone off.

I've realised sometimes protecting myself is more important that worrying about other people, I was feeling more 'ok' and that's knocked me for six.

Dorita75 Sat 25-Feb-12 07:31:48

Oh stateofconfusion you've done the right thing, and you can always friend them again in future if you want, best to do what's best for you at the moment. Things like this are going to happen and none of us know how we'll feel or react, just got to remember however we do it's normal, it's personal and entirely our right to do what we need to do xx

Thank you Dorita.

Dps yet to say anything, I just worry ill end up looking 'mean' etc when they have every right to be happy.

I spent the weekend with my dear friend who has pcso so its made me feel rather grateful for the dc I do have and a little less raw over the ones I've lost.

Stateofconfusion that must have been difficult for you. Hope you are feeling more 'ok' again now.

I am going back to work tomorrow - was worrying a bit about it, more what to say to people when they ask so I can have a ready response without getting pitty and me getting upset! I sort of don't want to lie about it though as the more people I have told the more I realise have experienced mc and it seems as if you are the only one when it happens to you. I'd like other people and my friends to know someone if they are ever unfortunate to experience if, which of course I hope they don't. I don't know if that makes sense, but I think it would be nice if it was a bit less taboo somehow, although of course the balance between talking about it and not getting upset is difficult!!!

DD, who has been sick about 3 times in her entire life has been sick 4 times tonight. All her bedding and pyjamas are being washed and I am exhausted! Less time to worry about tomorrow though!!!! My parents luckily are around and are going to look after her tomorrow as I feel as if I can't take the day off after being off last week too.

Hope everyone else had lovely weather and weekends too.

Dorita75 Mon 27-Feb-12 07:48:51

Hi Mrshp just a quick one to say hope work's ok. You'll feel so much better once you're thru the door and been in half an hour, I'm going back tomorrow and taking today and Friday as leave. Let us know how it goes for you smile

Dru77 Mon 27-Feb-12 15:12:17

It's been 5 weeks since my ERPC and I've not stopped bleeding! I had a scan today and it showed that there were no 'retained products' but a vessel in the uterus is still bleeding so I don't know what, if anything, happens about that. I'll have to call the GP once they have the results I guess. I'm pretty sure I had my 1st AF at the weekend but it was horrendous - I had to run out of Tesco mid-shop due to leakage. blush

Hi all

Hercule, hope today went ok. Dru, hope you can get that sorted out too soon...just what you needsad

My boss is such a nob. Was talking to him today about a couple of staffing issues innour team and offered to come back an extra day temporarily (work 3 days) and, not quite sure how this came up, but he said to me, oh well, you'll be pregnant again within 12 months so we'll have to plan that in.... angry I don't know what he was thinking if he thought he was being nice, but I was just gobsmacked. Then after I'd given in my fitness to work note, I had to fill in a bloody self cert form, hmmwhy I have no idea, and had tick the pg related illness box! Briliant.

Other than that, feeling alright, still no AF or signs of ovulation, so will just keep waiting.

blackcatsdancing Mon 27-Feb-12 18:03:06

dru77 i think my bleeding has started up again! I do sympathise with you. I was told by staff at the EPU not to come in for a scan if i tested negative as there would be no retained products. I tested negative so didn't go for a scan and stopped bleeding for about 10 hours, only to start up with what I thought was my AF. This lasted 3 days and stopped yesterday morning, then at last some clear CM. Today bleeding again !! I finish my antibiotics tomorrow morning and am going back to see GP for thrush medicine (caused by anitbiotics- i was warned!). I was told bleeding can be caused by an infection which the meds would clear up or it might be something else. I'll see what this GP says about the something else, i have been told that i can take hormone treatment which will stop it. not sure again whats going on. fed up.

blackcatsdancing Mon 27-Feb-12 18:03:55

ethel your boss does sound a complete nob!

Dorita75 Mon 27-Feb-12 18:49:33

Oh God, what a crappy Monday, Dru77 and blackcats I hope you get sorted out soon, must be so frustrating, but once again proves how no-one is the same confused and there's no 'standard' way for things to happen....and ethel, what a nob! Maybe he thought he was being nice, sounds more like he's just completely tactless and speaks without thinking (not that that's an excuse)

I've been on my feet a lot today and my pelvis area/lower back is aching so much, not like period pain, just aching....nice hot bath tonight I think (no change there, I seem to get one every other day at the moment smile)

Dru77 Mon 27-Feb-12 19:33:26

Blackcats - I wasn't offered antibiotics although the sonographer did ask today if I'd been taking any. I did a HPT on Saturday and it was -ve. I nearly cancelled the scan last week as I thought it was stopping but then on Tues or Weds evening I had a massive gush again.

I've thought it was over a few times and have stopped using sanitary stuff only to have a flood a few hours later so now I'm wondering when to believe it really has stopped!

dru that sounds awful, I do hope its all over soon.

mrs hope going back to work goes ok.

I'm feeling a bit more 'me' now, its been 2mnths since my erpc, luckily dp is sometimes very good and caring as I've had several family bereavements in the past 24mnths so I'm a bundle of emotions so can snap/cry at the drop of a hat.

Is everyone else planning to TTC again?

Blackcats, did you say you were told that the antibiotics would cause thrush? Because I was on them after the ERPC (doxcycillin?? I think) and have since had thrush (lovely.) so need to get that sorted before we start TTC again. Lovely.

blackcatsdancing Tue 28-Feb-12 09:10:32

ethel, yes when my GP prescribed them she warned me they frequently cause thrush- and sure enough they did . I looked at the medicine leaflet and it mentioned it also. I'm getting sorted out today. Its never ending isn't it?
mine were co-amoxiclav.

Davidsmom Tue 28-Feb-12 09:19:48

Hi All,

I was on this thread a few weeks back and just wanted to say a big thank you for the support then. (MMC at 9ish weeks, stopped growing at 6-7 weeks, medical management for those that dont know)

I didnt meant to stop posting but think I found it painful to come on this thread. Have been indulging myself recently including comfort eating big time and drinking quite a bit which sometimes helps but more often doesnt. Decided to get back on track weight wise and to cut out alcohol for at least a week. Fingers crossed!

I went back to work for a week after the MMC then had previously planned annual leave last week. Am back at work today (work Tue-Thur) and feel much better than when previously returned. I have had an emotional time of it and do still randomly burst into tears but am hurting a lot less. Even went to see a friends newborn and didnt want to take him home! And didnt cry. Though felt a bit tearful when driving there and back when thought about it.

I finally got the courage up to ask DH to actually discuss the MMC as we have had lots of hugs but we havent talked about it bizarrely and whether we could TTC (was accidental pregnancy, I was happy and wanted another but DH didnt. He accepted it though) but he just evaded answering anything about either subject and is away working abroad for the next 2 weeks. I realise now that we have bigger issues than another child and that if we cant communicate then there is no point in TTC. Possibly even no point in being together. So think thats upsetting me badly which may be a welcome distraction in a strange way blush.

I am pretty sure am ovulating again todayish as getting lots of EWCM which has been building up for the last 3-4 days. Started bleeding 4 weeks ago yesterday and passed pregnancy 4 weeks ago tomorrow. Negative pregnancy tests for about a week now. ( Info incase anyone finds other experiences helpful)

Take care of yourselves everyone and wishing those TTC or waiting to TTC all the luck in the world.

Davidsmom Tue 28-Feb-12 09:49:38

Sorry about the last post think am still a bit hormonal/ sad?. confused

Davidsmom so sorry you are having a tough time of things. Don't do anything drastic about your realationship as you are probably still emotional about everything. Let things settle down, I hope you can work things out with DH.