Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage(229 Posts)
I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.
For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.
So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!
1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.
2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).
3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.
4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.
5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.
6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.
7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.
8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.
9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.
Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?
that is very practical advice, thank you
I had an mc at 5 weeks and I would say the same as you, stay at home, get heavy duty pads and big knickers that you dont mind getting dirty.(and can throw away)
I also suggest telling DH/DP everything that is happening, my DH was amazing and helped me out in the toilet clearing up stuff and looking after me. I would say get alot of time off work for practical and mental reasons.
I also found that once the heavy bleeding is over or has settled down a bit that a pair of tight trackie bottoms (tight round the bum and crotch) makes you feel secure and also they are comfort clothing to wear when you will feel down.
Also I suggest sleeping on a towel or a night pad (I think you can get these in boots, they will soak up any leaks)
Good advice but I found out of hours unhelpful and not wanting to know. Saturday lunchtime, I was told to phone my gp on Monday am, do I would add feel free to go to a and e.
greenzebra ... good idea with the tight trackie bottoms, or I found two pairs of pants also helped me feel nice and secure.
This is interesting, thank you.
I miscarried a few months ago - but it was nothing like you describe at all. What you describe is what I envisaged a MC to be like - but mine went on and on for 2 months!!!
Twinkle, poor you, that sounds horrible. I guess they can be as different as any aspect of human health. I think it's tricky to imagine what it's like beforehand as there is so little information, and it's not something you really want to think about. That said, I'm all for a bit of shared wisdom! What helped you cope?
mnistooadictive, yes, I imagine the helpfulness or otherwise of out of hours is entirely down to the luck of the draw of which doctor is on the end of the line.
This thread is a great idea and, I think, worth keeping bumped...when I was going through my mc, I didn't go beyond page 1, as 1 page was enough.
A few things to add...I had a mmc at 6.5 weeks, told hospital I would give it a week to see if things happened naturally, and they did - but a full 6 days after diagnosis...in the context of which:
I had a close relative to stay during those first few days (already planned, too late to cancel). We did everything we would have one with her anyway, which was great for taking my mind off things, but as none were particularly close to home geographically I wouldn't have done so if I knew quite what was coming! But my advice, anything you can do in this situation to distract yourself is a great help, I found it much harder after she'd left.
Don't be afraid to ask someone for a reminder of the "options". When the EPAU initially told me about pros and cons of each, I didn't really take it in. Luckily I have a close friend who is a GP and talked me through medical management vs ERPC a few days later, much easier to take in second time around, and without her I'm sure my lovely EPAU nurse would have done the same.
Don't be too quick to think it's all over. After several quiet days at home, I went to meet a friend in town...had to make an emergency dash to M&S toilets, knicker dept, and GAP for new jeans. Next day I had extra pads and spare knickers in my handbag.
You need more pads and loo roll than you expect! If, like me, your spare loo roll is in a utility room or similar, make sure bathroom/downstairs loo etc have a good stash ready!
Just one thing to add: I actually found Pampers Babydry nappies just the job when I was m/c - rather than maternity pads, which got soaked too quickly. I didn't want to sit on the loo the whole time (and I was going into hospital for an ERPC anyway) so the nappies were a good compromise. I cut the sticky tabs off and held them in place with Bridget Jones knickers
An excellent idea, some very good tips.
I would add that if you are going in for hospital treatment, be it Erpc or medical management, to take some flannels and/or wipes to clean yourself up with. After my erpc I was making do with a bedpan of soapy water and that blue paper stuff and it was a bit yuck.
Next time round I took old flannels to clean up with and it was much easier to deal with hygiene stuff before putting my clothes back on.
I would advise against phoning NHS direct unless you really really have to. If you think you need A&E, just phone them directly. NHS direct first line of response are just call center people working from a script, and asked me soe really insensitive questions at one point when I had too much bleeding after ERPC and was in pain.
Some gems include:
"could you be pregnant?" (wankers, I told you I just had a miscarriage)
"could you have a tampon stuck?" (er no I haven't had a period in 3 months)
"might a condom have come off inside you" (like I was having a shag the day after a miscarriage!!)
"are you sure the bleeding is from the vagina and not the back passage?" (seriously???)
So yeah, I will not be using NHS direct again in a hurry and I would advise against using them at a time when dealing with this level of insensitivity is not needed.
oh katandkit, that's shocking, what a nightmare!
I would say the most useful thing I took to hospital for medical management was laptop/DVD player and DVDs. It helped to pass the time and relax me a bit.
Hi ladies. Can i just say, this thread has helped me so much. I MC yesterday and read it at 3am on saturday morning when i was bleeding and knew what was coming.
It needs to be kept going so others can read it too. I was given the chance of staying in hospital to MC and after reading this i said no way and came home to do it and im so glad i did.
Take it easy, get as much sleep as you can and take your vitamins and iron supplements. After 20+ years of perfect health in the four months after my miscarriage I got strep throat, scarlatina, shingles and several heavy colds, which the doctor said was down to my lowered immune system after the miscarriage (which was at 5/6 weeks).
When I had to go into hospital I took my ipod which was invaluable as I had to stay in overnight. I put it on when the other women in my ward had their visitors and when I was trying to get to sleep, as it can be very noisy in hospital. It did really help.
This is a good idea for a thread, I would say:
Do not go back to work after two days, still bleeding heavily - you are not being brave, your body will find a way to keep you in the house and better to be covered by maternity sick leave than getting the flu and week after m/c and having it get you into trouble for absence. As Matron says your immune system is shot to bits.
Take pain relief and as required.
Cry if you want, and if you don't want that is okay too - don't give a shitty shit what anyone else says/thinks - those that say 'at least you know you can get pregnant now' are ignorant fuckers
No one will remember on your due date (probably not even your partner) - but you will. Tell them if you want, do something special spend the day in bed, do what you want.
Take care of yourself.
Can I just add, think very carefully before telling your employer you have had a miscarriage. I was then treated as someone who was going to leave any minute to have a baby and was overlooked for promotion as well as basically ignored. As I was there for another 18 months it made my life so much arder than it needed to be.
I would not be that honest again.
Too late - my boss knows. Everyone knows i think.
MNistooaddictive, that's terrible. It's good advice, especially as I for one was in a very bad state of shock when I miscarried, so not in a good place to make decisions.
Hopefully not all employers will be like that, my work have been very understanding and haven't treated other mum's who've miscarried like that, but we are staffed and managed mainly by women of childbearing age.
mnistooaddcitive - that's terrible. I miscarried last Friday (can't even think about leaving the house yet, the pain, bleeding & dizziness is terrible) and work are being brilliant. That said, I know that I can forget about any relevant promotions now that they know I'll be (hopefully!!!) having a baby soon, or at least trying.
I think having female managers make a huge difference though.
Any advice on hot water bottles? hot baths? I am in agony but I'm scared of accelerating the bleeding.
Maja I've used both wheat bags and had hot baths, the Dr's said they were fine and the leaflet they gave me at the EPU says so too.
Take co-codamol, drink plenty of water and look after yourself.
Thanks baublelugs82 - you look after yourself too.
Thanks for this thread - so helpful.
I just found this thread and think it is brilliant. I am due to miscarry as it seems my baby is actually a blighted ovum (find out for sure next week); I was going to pack DH off for the weekend but think now I will keep him close in case it all kicks off.
I wish the info here was in my pregnancy book; it seems so obvious but to people like me who haven't yet been through it it seems like mc could be either just like a period - i have had lots of those so can cope with this, right?! (no) Or so huge i don't know how to begin managing it at home...
I hope everyone is ok.
Thank you for this thread I'll be needing it in the next few days. I prefer to be forewarned . Sorry to you all cx
I miscarried last week & found wearing leggings in bed helped me feel more 'secure'. Also an array of heavy duty towels & lighter panty liners for when it dies down. Baby wipes to clean up after loo trips. When it was at its worst (only a few hours) I stayed mostly on loo.... So maybe magazines, drink, choc, whatever you fancy. I am so glad my husband was there, I would have been more upset & worried on my own. Also hospital said if pain worse than normal period of bleeding excessive for prolonged period to go to a&e. I didn't feel like going far from home for 3 days but if I did took plenty of pads & new underwear in my bag.
Lots of rest & sleep too. Lying down eased bleeding too. It's a shitty shit situation and I'm so sorry we are all going through it. It's ok to cry & it gets a bit easier each day.
For those who are waiting for it to start, I'm so sorry, if it helps mine wasn't painful (nothing more than period pains) and looks like it will be all finished in a week ish.
Oh this is freaking me out.
Just fund out I've had a mmc yesterday so due to take tablets maybe tomorrow. Didn't expect it was going to be as bad as this sounds.
Can I ask why people don't have the surgical option when the pills option sounds quite traumatic? I'm asking because I can't make up my mind but hours of bleeding,cramping and sitting on the toilet makes me feel sick and I've got two other children and it's school holidays.
I want the surgical option but have to wait tone fitted in whichwill prib be late next week as it is sodding bh weekend. They said I was too far gone for the tablets?
Very sorry you are in the same boat. I'm in bed with pains but nothing happening. Husband off work looking after toddler :-(
The surgical option is easier in some ways but harder in others.
You'd still need help with other children as you'll spend half a day in hospital and then the rest of the day resting in bed at home as you'll have had a general anaesthetic. You'll also need another adult with you when you go back home.
I've had both. I had the pills in hospital though, they didn't send me home after the pessary was inserted. It took a couple of hours to work. It was painful, the painkillers they gave me were crap but they did let me use gas and air. Also it was horribly undignified. But on the positive side you are awake during it and feel more in control. No need to go to scary operating theatre, no need to be put to sleep.
The ERPC was painless at the time but I think it took my body longer to recover afterwards. Also it was not properly completed and I ended up having some very heavy bleeding afterwards.
Apparently the tablets for early miscarriage are best up to 9 weeks. After that they are less likely to work effectively and then you could end up having surgery after all so perhaps better to go for the surgery and be done with it. It's awful when you have to wait - my second mc was the royal wedding/may day weekend and that was rubbish.
Personally I decided I couldn't face the surgical option because I couldn't face being alone in hospital alone without DH. I had a "natural" mc, which was the best option for me emotionally.
Excellent thread, I think nobody talks about the sheer quantity of blood involved either as a short acute burst or going on and on and on for weeks (I had the latter option, but really wasn't prepared for it).
At work what worked for me was going straight back to work on Monday after a Friday mc because I couldn't face being alone on the house - work gave me something else to think about. Obviously that's not going to be emotionally or physically possible for everyone. I would agree that I wouldn't tell my boss and colleagues if I could avoid it, both because of career implications and because I didn't want to see it in their eyes when they looked at me. I told only one very close, very discreet colleague, who I could trust to cover for me by eg chatting loudly if a vistor suddenly announced her pg and I couldn't speak, and I would recommend that if possible.
I miscarried on 8th March, naturally with no medical management, so here's my twopenn'orth:
1. Arm yourself with cocodamol and max-strength ibuprofen. If the pain gets too bad, go to A&E. I didn't because it was 4am and I was out of my mind with pain, but I should have done because it felt like I was being cut in half from the inside and veering between throwing up and passing out and going from sweating to freezing in minutes. Not good.
2. If you have DC, get someone to look after them.
3. Make sure you have got someone with you. Have that someone on standby to fetch painkillers/freshen hot water bottles/go out for sanitary pads/listen to you if you need to talk.
4. Stay in bed with a hot water bottle. Pay no heed to clocks, calendars etc.
5. Expect to feel weak and feeble for at least 4 days after everything is out.
6. Expect to bleed a bit more once you think it's (eventually) stopped.
And then afterwards:
7. If you tell people, half of them will have either experienced it first hand or know someone who has and will make you feel like you've been admitted into some sort of massive silent sisterhood, and the other half will go "oh" and not know what to say and stare at the ground for a bit. I found that by being honest about it, people were generally great, and it was much easier to be a bit moopy at work rather than pretend I'd had flu or whatever and have to say "Oh yes, I'm feeling much better now, tra la" when I was clearly still as miserable as sin about the whole thing.
8. I actually feel ok most of the time, and a bit guilty about feeling ok, until all of a sudden I hit what my DH calls a "sad pocket" and I feel very sad about it for a bit, then I start to feel ok again. However you feel, IT IS NORMAL.
Like the OP, I hope that we never need this advice again...
I had a spontaneous mc in Oct, and a MMC followed by an ERPC at the beginning of March. I had a hard time with the first MC, probably due at least in part to the awful fever/throat infection that I had (my infection markers were so high that they were worried I had a ruptured appendix or some other underlying condition), and spent 4 days in hospital. I don't want to scare others though, so please know that my experience is not typical. It just meant that I tried to prepare as best as I could the second time around.
I was worried that I might start MC naturally before the ERPC that I had arranged, so I saw the doctor and got a prescription for some high strength painkillers, just in case.
I stocked up on easy to prepare meals - lots of microwave stuff and things that were easy to eat.
I found out that it was a MMC at the hospital, so I took home a lot of mattress protectors - I think they are the same as these maternity mats
I didn't feel like drinking, but some people swear by having a nice glass of wine.
Baths, footrubs, hot water bottles, tens machines, basically anything that can make things a bit easier, go for it.
As I had a bad experience the first time, I also packed a hospital bag, in case it all went wrong quickly. I packed a change of clothes, a few pairs of old knickers, pads, a towel, a book, night clothes, dressing gown, slippers, phone charger, book and some snacks. I let friends know what was happening so that they could be on standby to look after DS and/or feed cat.
In the end, nothing happened before my ERPC, and the procedure went very smoothly. I'm still glad i prepared though. It gave me less to worry about and I felt prepared.
This is a good idea for a thread ( I should be a sticky).
Those ladies who are have gone through this already, or who have already gone through this, you are all in my thoughts.
That should of course read:
Those ladies who are have gone through this already, or who are going through this, you are all in my thoughts.
I'm sorry for your losses everyone.
Unexpected I've had 2 mmc. The first happended naturally in between the first scan and the second to confirm a mc. It was honestly no worse than a bad period. Not particularly painful, bleeding over in less than a week. The worst bit was when the sac came out, it wasn't painful and I didn't see anything but it was such a shock even though I knew it was coming. Thankfully passing the sac usually means the bleeding starts to stop and everything returns to normal. The second I had an ERPC, very little pain and bled lightly for about 12 days. If I was to do it again I'd have the ERPC just to get things over with but if I could be sure that a "natural" mc would be as straightforward and quick as the first time I'd go for that and avoid surgery but obviously you can't know that in advance.
Sorry just noticed your post was yesterday, hope you're ok today xx
I'm so sorry for all of you who have been or are going through this. I hope all you ladies who have posted this week are doing ok.
I had a mmc in October last year. I opted for ERPC but it happened naturally overnight the day before my appointment. It wasn't very physically painful for me, but the bleeding was heavy enough that I had to wedge a bath towel between my legs every time I rushed to the toilet.
It was still heavy the following day so I called the EPU and they asked me to go straight in. I was sent up to the gynae ward and given an injection to stop the bleeding, tucked up in bed with a cup of tea and told to rest. A few hours later the bleeding had subsided a lot and they sent me home.
I wasn't too bad emotionally at first, it really hit me a week or so later. For a few months I would burst into tears at the drop of a hat, and it's all come back again now, two of my friends have given birth this week, and my due date was the beginning of May, I was so excited about sharing the experience with them. I didn't get a chance to tell either of them I was pregnant and I didn't tell them afterwards, I didn't want them to feel guilty or weird around me. But I visited one of them this week before she gave birth and she sent my DS home with a Baby Shower balloon she had been given. As soon as DS went to bed I asked DH to throw it away, I couldn't have it in the house.
We have made the very painful decision not to try again. It is still very upsetting but I think once my due date has come and gone I will be able to start to move on. I'm really happy that my friends and their babies are healthy and well and I'm looking forward to giving them a cuddle.
Sorry, that was a bit of a brain dump . It's been hard this week, wanting to be happy for my friends but feeling so sad for myself and my family.
Take care of yourselves everyone .
I had a spontaneous miscarriage at 5 wks 5 days earlier this year. Bleeding-wise, it was just like a slightly heavier than normal period, but could manage with normal pads I use every month. I bled for 7 days, whereas my periods are normally just 4 days. Cramps were quite bad, took ibuprofen and paracetamol at the same time.
I guess i was 'lucky' (feels so weird saying that, but you know what I mean?) because physically it wasn't too bad. I suppose cos it was quite early.
The one piece of advice I would give to women in my position who start bleeding before 6 weeks, is go to A&E if it's the weekend. Even if you're only 5-6 weeks.
I went to A&E cos it was a saturday, the although I had to wait hours, saw a really nice doctor who had a look inside and confirmed at that point my cervix was still closed and it was a 'threatened MC'. He told me to go home, rest, and that I had a 50:50 chance of it either settling down and being fine, or progressing to a full MC. Unfortunately, it went the latter route, and I bled heavily on sat/sun, and then did a preg test on sunday and got a BFN
But i really appreciated knowing what was happening when I was in A&E, and what the odds were. The doc also did an internal exam to double check it wasn't ectopic, which was really reassuring. I just know I would have spent the whole weekend panicky and prodding my shoulders for telltale signs of imminent collapse if he hadn't reassured me on that front .
Emotionally, the MC affected me quite badly, I was very teary and upset for weeks afterwards. Only took 3 days off work, which on reflection probably wasn't enough. Take your time to get over this upsetting loss.
I would say laxatives to add to the list! Sorry if it's there I call ant remember now
I've been in a lot of pain after erpc this week baby died at 12 weeks
If you are that far gone you will need a pessary most likely to protect your cervix and to open it . this was realised before I was about to be wheeled to theatre and delayed the rest of the operations that afternoon and I was left on my own in a cold room etc , it takes 2-3 hours to work. Forewarned and all that it's def worth mentioning to the right person to allow the right time for this to work
And the laxatives as there was enough pAin down there as it was and they def helped . I didn't expect to be out of action for quite a while afterwards , but I am , day three and can't get out of bed too long as very sore.
Don't be backwards in callin gp to ask for stronger painkillers. naproxen def helped more .
You will get through and recover and be fine . Be nice to yourself as others said to me and ask for help!
Oh honey, I didn't had to make that decision mc started naturally. Didn't want to leave you unanswered. Mine wasn't too bad, relatively quick. Really bad bleeding was only a few hours, some very heavy bleeding for 2 days then period type for rest. It wasn't as bad as i'd read / thought it would be. Sorry to hear about your mc. X
Sorry was a confusing post! Basically 4 days very light spotting, got heavier then awful for 4 hrs then heavy (changing pad every hour) for 2/3 days then lighter period type for not long then all done x
Oops! Phone didn't update other posts so my post WELL out of date! Sorry!! These lovely ladies got in with better advice xxx
I was on my 5th day of "spotting" when i finally had a scan which told me that I had a blighted ovum at 6 weeks (i was meant to be 13 weeks). It devastated me but I soon came to realise that it wasn't my fault etc. Because the bleeding hadn't been bad we went to the safari park the following day me thinking it would be ok cause we would be in the car most of the time. We had taken our own Son and my sister in law and her son. We got out to take the kids on the rides and i started cramping very badly. I went to the toilet and everything was fine but i passed a large clot. Then we sat down for lunch and the cramping got far worse. I looked down to see a very large blood stain in my jeans. I ran (as best i could as I could feel blood pouring out of me) to the toilet to find a pad I'd changed not 10 minutes before completely soaked and as i sat on the toilet i felt everything (and i mean everything) leave me into the toilet bowl. It was like a blood bath. My pants were ruined, my jeans were absolutely covered in blood and i was shaking and so embarrased. I had to go and sit in the car after this and wait for the kids to have a few rides before we went home. If I'd have known it was going to happen this fast I would never have left home. It literally happened in 10 minutes. Absolutely awful experience and so embarassing trying to hide it from everyone when I was so upset about it anyway.
Lynz That sounds awful for you. I'm so sorry. I was wondering how you were getting on, I'm sorry it happened like that for you. Mine happened quickly too, after days of spotting. I'm just glad I was at home for it, and dp was there to help clean up afterwards.
The miscarriage was yesterday, today it's like I'm having a light period. I thought I would be ok to get up and clean the entire house. I managed to hang up the ironing, strip the beds, bath my son and wash up before I crashed. I was hot, physically tired, back ache, abdominal discomfort. I had no idea that miscarriage was so debilatating. My mom came round and cleaned my house and did my washing. Health professionals don't give enough info on this subject. They could at least give out leaflets or booklets with the bounty pack.
You need to give your body time to recover. My mc was on Sunday and I've done very little all week. I went shopping on Thursday and into town to go to the library and I thought I did really well, but then I was wiped out and shouted at dd2 just for doing normal toddler things. Take it easy, the housework will keep for when you are feeling better. I'm only doing the really essential stuff, like washing up (delegated to dd1 today), clothes washing and cooking. Obviously I'm also doing childcare.
I know I have definitely miscarried as the scan said so but I am feeling slightly odd that I have had none of the things you describe (apart from the blood obviously) bu there was no need for pads it was only when I wiped sorry tmi and there was no pain
I'm really sorry ladies for all your losses hopefully we will all start to feel better soon
Lynz, go easy on yourself!
I went to the shop yesterday, ten mins away and 6 days after my mc and I was whacked.
Keep an eye on the abdo pain and hotness though, could be signs of infection brewing.
Can I ask has anyone else been suffering with a kind of clingy, don't want to be left alone, don't need OH to say or do anything just be here by my side nearby, don't want to go out alone style thing post-mc?
Yes foof I've been feeling very hormonal. Don't wanttobe left alone but need some space , I'm not normally very tactile but havebeen very huggy , teary at silly things too like soppy songs
Having quite a bit of pain still but gonna try go out today, I've cancelled jobs etc for this week . Very weary and just meh
Feel very sorry for all you mummies who have been through the same it's sad andvery tough
Foof. Thanks for your advice I will monitor. I have also felt very clingy. My DH went back to work yesterday (the day after the miscarriage) and I totally didn't want him to go. We were bored at home just watching crappy tv but we were together and that's what I've needed. My Mom's been round when he's been at work but it's not the same. I got very teary asking for my bacon sandwich to have egg on it (after having not been able to have that during pregnancy).
I have a first aid course to attend tomorrow and I'm meant to be back at work on Wednesday to a job that needs me to be on my feet for the best part of 9 hours. When did everyone else go back to work? I really can't afford to stay off too long but if I have to I will. Emotionally I'm pretty upbeat but it's just the physical side.
I am clingy too. Dreading Dh being at work tomorrow
How long am I meant to lose clots for? The majority passed Friday but I've had some every day.
I don't know. Mine all passed on Sunday then I had no more clots, just blood. Sorry I can't be more helpful.
I've had the odd bit of livery stuff (not even a clot) come away, about one a day and I mced 8 days ago. if youa re worried call the midwife
A very sad bump to the top for people needing to see this
Very useful post thanks. Sorry for all your losses. I'm having a MC at nearly 6 weeks. I had a scan today following heavy bleeding and pain to be told what I'd already guessed.
My bfp was quite faint and I did 2 clear blue digi tests that didn't move from 1-2wks even after 5 weeks so I think maybe it didn't implant properly or failed to develop quite early on.
I go from feeling ok one minute to crying the next. I was looking forward to having a baby at Christmas but it wasn't meant to be
I had mine on the train. Super horrible and inescapable, and with nothing with me. My saviour: waterproof cycling trousers. Hid everything. Worthwhile taking if you think this may happen to you.
Gosh, goldene, how awful. You're very fortunate you didn't faint.
Fainting is uppermost in my mind as that is what happened to me. I never did make it to the bathroom as every time I passed through the doorway in the bedroom, the world would go black and I lost feeling in my face and hands and had to fall back on the bed. Given this, my tips are based on blacking out, preparing for it and preventing it from happening in the first place.
FLORADIX!! FLORAVITAL!! Sorry to shout but this is the magic elixir for me and saved me from being put on a drip in hospital. The iron is in liquid form and very absorbable. This stuff enabled me to eventually get to the bathroom without blacking out. A few days later when I was in A&E with a placenta issue, they took blood and the haemoglobin was on the lowest figure of the acceptable range and that was after consuming a whole bottle over the day of the miscarriage and the day after. You're only supposed to take 20ml a day but little and often if you are fainting every you get up, will be very restorative. I had been taking pre-natal vitamin with iron in them but if your starting point is low, they may not be enough to cushion you against the effects of miscarriage - getting your iron levels checked througout pregnancy is very important.
I will log in with some more tips regarding this a little later.
Gosh, fainting. No, fortunately for me. But I can just imagine if I'd been leaking blood onto the train seats -- I can't tell you how grateful I was for those trousers. And they helped me to get through Kings Cross to a taxi so I could get home -- straight into the bath.
I love this thread. This is pretty much my experience and the advice you give should see anyone through the worst of it. Mine happened all at once and luckily I was at home near a toilet but I needed help because of the speed and volume of it all. I am waiting for another natural miscarriage so this advice is heartening. Thank you.
Some other things that may help in dealing with miscarriage:
1) Have a big bottle of mineral/filtered water by your side. The further along you are, the more fluid loss there will be. Drink little and often.
2) In the build-up to it, a covered ice lolly is helpful. I put it against my forehead as I became hot and as it progressed, I ate it for glucose. Waitrose's cloudy lemon were an obsession throughout the pregnancy.
3) You may alternate feeling hot and cold so a lovely, velvety throw will keep your feet warm and if you are moving about on the bed, it's comforting to put your head down against something with a nice texture.
4) Keep some old towels to hand or mattress pad to protect your bed sheets and mattress.
5) Ensure that you have a charged phone by your side at all times and ideally have someone dear nearby that you can shout outto if they are not already there.
6) During blood loss, check the back of your neck, if it feels very cold, call 999.
7) Sorry if this seems gross, but have some dustbin liners, an old washing up bowl, latex gloves, wipes to hand as well as the trusty big knickers. If you can't get to the bathroom from fainting, well you have to ask someone to bring you dustbin liners to put on the floor, place the washing up bowl on top and urinate there. At the time I was so tired and needing to pee that dignity was not a priority.
8) A click and lock box - again not for the faint hearted but if it is your second or third miscarriage, try to collect the contents in a box, they may be able to analysis the contents or 'products of conception' as they term it.
9) When you can get to the bathroom, put down some paper before, you may regret not looking at and catching anything you think is the fetus/baby however small if you don't think it came out with the rush of what looks like chopped liver pieces. The latex gloves make it easier. Some people suggest using sieves and collanders, but I don't I'd have the forethought to go that far.
10) After it has happened and you feel like eating, bananas are great for lost potassium. I had foot cramps for quite a while afterwards, potassium is supposed to help.
11) Before you venture outside in public, test your strength - stand for 3 minutes by the side of a bed. If you can do so without feeling weak, you're probably not going to faint in public but keep well nourished.
12) Finally, don't be jollied along - just because you are no longer pregnant doesn't mean you are magically in your pre-pregnant state. There may be other contents that pass after the event, your cervix will be sore (a hard chair feels better than a slouchy sofa) and don't be persuaded to carry anything heavy until you have been examined as your uterus and pelvic muscles will be weak. The process can be sudden and feel violent so get lots of rest and hugs from your dearest.
I'm so grateful for this thread. Found it last night when started spotting and feared the worse - managed to get an early scan today that confirmed it, so now am waiting to mc but feel as prepared as I guess can, given what is going to happen. Am 11+3 but scan showed baby stopped growing at 8+3.
Feel terrible for poor DP, he was still really hoping for the best whereas although I broke down at the scan I think I actually knew.
But anyway thank you for the brilliant advice and taking the time to share, and so sorry for your losses too.
Thank you for this thread. I wonder if anyone can advise me.
I am about 6 to 7 weeks. Yesterday I started bleeding although I would say it is not heavy. Also all day I had cramping, quite painful at times. Today it is more like a low grade back ache. I have a scan tomorrow. Am I miscarrying? I P-edOAS, still positive.
Lifegonewrong, I'm sorry you're experiencing these painful cramps. Unfortunately this doesn't sound good. You can still have a positive pregnancy test even after miscarriage as your HCG levels are still high. I had light spotting with mild cramps for 6 days before I miscarried with doctors being so positive telling me it was probably normal. A small light bleed may be implantation bleed but accompanied with cramps it is more likely to be miscarriage. Please feel free to keep posting as I, personally, have found this very therapeutic. Sorry I couldn't be any more helpful. Take care. xxx
Hello Life, so sorry you're going through all this worry. I didn't want you to go unanswered and someone who knows more may be along soon, but I'd say that only the scan can really tell, some people have cramping and bleeding but things turn out ok, so you may not necessarily be miscarrying. Pg tests are still +ve for a while even when things go wrong, so that doesn't necessarily mean good news though unfortunately.
Good luck for tomorrow - I really hope you get good news. x
Thank you both for answering. I thought that the test would still be positive but couldn't help trying it, looking for answers. tomorrow seems like a long time away, esp as I am on my own. Bleeding is light now but passed some clots or tissue. I don't know if there is more to come/ lots more bleeding plus pain to come. From what I have read everyone is different.
Hi - yes it seems everyone's experience is different, I've been reading lots of threads looking for clues as to where I am in this awful process. My scan was only 2 days ago but I seem to have been waiting (and bleeding) for ages, but not even any clots yet. Grim.
Is there anyone who can come and stay with you, or go to the scan with you?
Sending hugs to you, hang in there.
I thought I might post because I had medical management, so had my mc in hospital which was daunting in itself I think.
This thread helped so much, the one thing I was ridiculously grateful for was the wipes i took in. I used loads, if I hadn't had them I would only have had loo roll which would NOT have cleaned me. They made me feel human, so thank you, thank you for this thread.
I would also say take some music, take reading material - stuff you can read snatches of and not concentrate on, like a mag or papers, and your PHONE.
Take snacks, some crisps and biccies, as I found the 'contractions' came and went and I would actually find an appetite sometimes and it is good to be able to keep your strength and morale up. Though a food trolley comes round it is nice to have it there and you might not want to chat when it does come!
Don't worry if you are told to leave your 'products' (aw) in a paper bowl for them to look at, I had to leave it in the loo then tell the nurse when I came out which was fine by me (rather than walking round with it), and everyone was up to it (not for mc, but these paper bowls were omnipresent so I didn't feel like the gross freak I thought I would).
take a change of clothes in case, and some trackies/pj bottoms that are loose around your waist.
Take lots of water, pads, paracetamol and ibuprofen. I know you are in hospital but the nurses are busy and you don't want to be waiting for simple things! I found it brilliant that I was basically left to my own devices in my bay unless I needed anyone. This privacy and sense of independence meant a lot to me, as I felt I had forfeited that simply by having to be in hospital to do something so private.
All the best, am sorry anyone has to know these things.
Thank you to all who have shared your experience on this informative and useful thread and so sorry for your losses. I am currently 10 weeks and having MC at home. Started spotting last night and had scan at EPU this morning where I found out the embryo stopped developing around 6-7 weeks. I now feel a lot more clued up on what lies ahead and think I definitely need to buy bigger pads! Am embarrassed to say i bought panty liners! Doh. No one has mentioned Raspberry leaf tea and I was wondering if this may help speed things up. Have put on shopping list in any case. Currently cuddling DS watching Scooby Doo and thinking us ladies get a bum deal.
Thank you so much to the op and to everyone whos added their advice. Its really sad that this thread exists and that youve all been through/are going through this. I have just had a natural mc (I wanted ERPC but they were not 100% sure from the scans, so I wasnt allowed one even though I knew the baby had died). This thread helped me loads, both in a practical sense and also helping me know what to expect.
I just want to add that my experience was very stop-start - I had bleeding and bad period-type pain on Monday afternoon and then none of either all Mon night and Tues morning. This made me worry Id had an incomplete mc - EPU were useless when I called them for advice. But then things started up again on Tues afternoon and I (fingers crossed) passed all of it in a couple of hours. Pain was bad but manageable with strong codeine, paracetemol and hot water bottle. Now Wed morning I have no pain and only a little bleeding.
Hope you are all doing ok x
Hi, Not sure if this thread is still active but wanted to feel like I am not alone. For 2 weeks I have been having blood tests as having pains. HCG levels going up but not enough. Was called on monday and told pregnancy not viable. Went for scan tuesday (which was so awful sitting with all the excited couples waving their scan pictures around). There was a sac in the womb but also something on ovary. 4 hours later and more blood tests was told I was being admitted for emergency laproscopy as it could be ectopic. The surgeon went home so it was 12 hours later I found out I was still officially pregnant as they had only removed a cyst. They sent me home to await a miscarriage. Being monitored as they may have to interevne if HCG still rising. Feel in most awful state of purgatory. My body still acting pregnant. It was reassuring to know what it might feel like. It just feels like a very strange thing to have to do, to wait for this to happen.
Thinking of all of you who have posted here.
Oh Rebecca, that sounds awful. How are you feeling now? I had the whole shared waiting room thing at my first mc - well, there was a sort of screen in the waiting corridor, they had tried, but it just hid faces not voices or activity. I'm currently going through my 2nd mc, trying to be stoic and get work done but am exhausted and had a lot of contraction pain yesterday.
I've been expecting this for weeks: although 'dating' scan (should have been 11 or 12 weeks, was actually more like 7) which confirmed it was 2 weeks ago I had 'known' for about 10 days, and told DH and the few family who we had told that I wasn't optimistic. I happened to be on holiday, and had a trip abroad with friends and kids booked. We went anyway, and I can honestly say that I was very glad of the distraction and the support of my friends, who i had told. Admittedly the drive back across northern France could have been more fun as the nausea and cramps started to kick in
Definitely need big pads, hot water bottle, time, space, quiet support, painkillers and, as it turns out, whiskey.
Just found this thread 6 months after my mc but it's still so comforting. So good to know there's somewhere to find out the practical stuff that nobody told me.....not my doc ("call in the morning to try and get an appt"), to NHS direct (who were actually amazing....so comforting...but couldn't do much) to out of hours doc ("yes, go to A&E very urgently, bleeding means baby not in womb....not the most sensitive way of putting it) to EPU in Kings London (sorry, there's no heartbeat - we'll get you back in a week just to make sure everything "has finished"). So nobody explained what would actually happen, or what my options were (should have been). I was just sent home and told to come back in a week, so it was a good thing I have an amazing friend who had been through the same thing a few weeks before and told me what to expect. And that was basically not to leave the bathroom until everything had happened.
Honestly, if I'd known at the time what this thread tells you it would have been so much easier.
Sending love and good wishes to everyone recovering from mc and looking forward to what this month (and beyond) may bring xx
I found this thread whilst under-going my 1st mc at 8 wks,& have come back to it now I am sadly having my 2nd mc at 5wks. I do have a gorgeous 3yr old so am hoping I've just been unlucky.
Wanted to add the things I found helpful:
1) hot water bottle/microwaveable wheatie
2) large bottle of water (i got really thirsty)
3) spatone iron sachets-helped with the tiredness
4) proper sanitary towels with wings
5) wearing leggings (felt more 'secure')
6) a really nice showergel & handwash-dont know why but it made me feel better
7) giving myself permission to drop the brave face & cry. I felt crap at the time,but recovered emotionally quicker in the long run (compared to bottling it up).
So sorry to everyone else going through mc,it's crap!
Like others i found this thread during my first mc and sadly have returned as im going through my 2nd. Mentally i feel better than last time but physically its the same - total agony!!!
I've just got out of the bath and although i bled a lot whilst in there, it really helped with the pain. Another tip from me would be to take pain killers before your in agony so u don't get to that stage as its horrific.
My heart goes out to any woman who has ever gone through this x
From this week (feck, I hate this week) I'd add, eat iron rich foods. This includes dark chocolate. Drink lots of fluids.
My tip would be to brace yourself for the sometimes not great attitude of the medical staff. For mc1 I sat in ucl epu for five hours waiting for two scans while bleeding out which started on the train, wasn't offered a santiary towel the entire time and when I finally saw her, the consultant left the room without saying goodbye. I have just had an erpc after failed medical management and a false all clear scan again not offered a pad. for what it's worth I have had all three treatments and preferred the medical management, my dh was there; I could say goodbye to the baby; they will do some tests on the baby and I only had to suggest it hurt to be offered drugs. Due date for dc1 is this week.
Lots of great advice here.
I had mmc 4 wks ago and only option I had was medically induced labour as was 20wks although baby measured around 16 wks and my body hadn't started the evacuation process naturally. Options after tablet was stay in hospital or go home and return to hospital in 48hrs or when bleeding began. It began in 36hrs and then I was there for 31hrs as had to go theatre as placenta got stuck and loss lots of blood which led to anemia. Delivery and theatre was over in around 4 or 5 hrs but had to stay for observation and in case I needed blood transfusion.
Once home I found although I had lots of family and friends offering to do my food shopping I didn't want to put anyone out and I couldn't think what I actually wanted as had plenty of food in already but all required effort to make. So I just asked them to get a few things (mostly junk) to tide me over for a couple of days and done my food shopping online so I could take my time to decide exactly what I wanted (again mostly junk ) and asked a friend to pop by when delivery was due to help putting shopping away.
Although I had tried to be healthy when pregnant I found that I didn't want to be cutting up veg and salad or cooking when feeling so faint and weak and just wanted easy snacks, sandwiches, toast, ready meals etc. Although family/friends were more than happy to cook for me I did find I wanted to be alone at times and having lots of quick and easy to make snacks made it easier for me to do that as I live alone and DP vanished.
Although I wasn't at home when my baby passed I was still sore and having cramps for around 4 days and feeling faint and weak for around 8 days afterwards. Couldn't stand for more than a few minutes. This won't help or apply to everyone with physical effects but online shopping may also help anyone that can't face going out in public too soon too....
My thoughts are with everyone unfortunate enough to find themselves on this thread...past and future xx
I would add that it's good to carry loads of pads with you in your handbag for a while after the mc. The bleeding can start up again unexpectedly. I thought my mc was completed, I was back at work, had even been to an aerobics class, when I suddenly started bleeding really heavily on public transport, and had to make my own way back to the hospital alone and ended up with an ERPC for retained products. Even now 4 months later I'm totally paranoid about running out of pads and carry a huge wad of them when my period is due! Also I have noticed that I have been very run down since the mc; I have been picking up infections quite easily when I never used to. I think it takes longer than you think for your body to build itself back up again.
Thanks so much for this thread comeonbishbosh. I woke up with cramps and blood last night and, horrible though the whole thing is, thanks to you and the other posters I at least have some idea what to expect over the next few days...
Thanks for this thread. It helps so much to have real practical advice. I'm sorry so many people have to go through this.
It sounds like some of you have had truly horrible experiences with a lot of bleeding and pain. Is this always the case?
I am currently on bed rest with threatened miscarriage but suspect I've miscarried already. Luckily, compared to many of you, I just feel like I've had a period. I am only 5 weeks so maybe that's why. I had cramps and then two full days of bleeding with clots and now I just have spotting with no pain.
I did a hpt today and it was extremely faint so I'm pretty sure my scan next week will confirm the sad news.
I think it's important to remember that this is a big deal no matter how early on and there's nothing wrong with feeling upset about it.
Good luck girls, I hope we can all move on and have healthy little bundles of joy (I am very lucky to have a wonderful two year old girl already).
Came across this sad but very helpful thread. I'm so sorry we are all in this club, though there's comfort and strength in being together.
I've had three mc. The first was spontaneous and lots has been said about bleeding and pain - all good advice. I'd just add that Tena do mattress pads for incontinence sufferers, and they are great for protecting the bed when your pads just can't cope.
My second was a MMC and I did medical management at home. I read on MN beforehand about waters breaking, which was fortunate or I'd have wondered wtf was going on. I found the experience awful, but there was some comfort being 'in control' and going with the pain. I'd recommend medical management of you're not too far along in the pregnancy.
My third was also a MMC and I had an erpc with a local anaesthetic. I couldn't do medical mgt as it was too far along and my doctor wanted to be sure to capture the products for testing. He persuaded me to have only a local, not a general, as it's "less risky" for me the patient. Well, BY NO MEANS should you enter into that lightly. You're in a hospital with all the 'out of control' that brings, and then you are awake and 'complicit' while the doctor ferrets around in your nether regions and sucks out your baby in pieces. It's not for the faint of heart. Mine went very well in medical terms and took about half an hour for the actual horrid bit, though he'd said it could be up to an hour and a half. The upside is that they are more careful with you than if you're out cold, so it's often a better job, and you're ok to leave as soon as you feel ok (half an hour in my case). So do think that through.
I'm pregnant again and waiting for a scan on Monday. Please God I don't want to be back on this thread!
Emotionally, just be kind to yourself. No one but you knows how you are. Take time. Be still. Put yourself first and be needy. This is not the time to fulfil obligations.
ncollette I didn't have excessive pain and bleeding for any mc. I was expecting more every time, so it's not always the case.
My thoughts are with you.
Thankyou jaffajiffy. It sounds like I'm having it 'easy' considering some of the awful experiences some of you have had. I just want it over so I can ttc asap and try to move on. I have found that reading other people's experiences on these forums has been a huge help.
I have my fingers crossed for you. I hope all is well at your next scan. X
Just see how YOU are. No need to be brave just because it's not 'as bad' as someone else. Hope you're ok today
Thank you for this thread. I'm currently waiting to see what happens as have started bleeding at seven weeks.
I have found this thread really helpful I miscarried over the weekend I was 11 weeks.
I think there should be information on miscarriage in the first bounty pack you get or a leaflet from the midwife.
I was so scared when I started to miscarry at home I did not know what to do or except. It was so horrible all the blood ,clots and the worst bit for me was the smell of blood. Its such a shock even now. Thankfully I was in hospital for the last part and the staff were so kind to me.
I am currently in process of a delayed miscarriage started bleeding on Sunday, went to a&e monday referred to EPU straight away and booked in for scan the following day (was only there an hour and a half) back next day for scan where I was told that they suspect delayed miscarriage but I have to wait a week to be certain cause I am unsure of dates and they want to see if any progress over the week to be sure but this is my 3rd pg and I know that it has 'failed to prgress' so now weighing up options to make a decision next week at my second scan. As long as things don't happen naturally before then I think I am going to go for the surgery option as waiting even for this week had been awful, I am scared to go anywhere (Nd I don't own any waterproof trousers!!)
Just wanted to keep this thread active as I hadn't even thought about packing a bag or stuff I might need, was just going to turn up with my handbag!! Thank you to all for sharing, and if I think of any other helpful tips afterwards, I'll be sure to pop back and post.
I found having some really nice shower gel helped me feel nice and clean.
Drink plenty as found I was really thirsty.
If you are in hospital take a book MP3 Player , something to keep you busy
Lots of pads.
Don't try and get back to normal the next day like I did. Take some time for yourself to deal with what happened. You don't have to stay strong, you can have a good cry about it and some time off.
Seeing the sack was also a huge shock to me, I agree that better information should be provided at the start of your pregnancy.
Having a miscarriage leaflet in your pregnancy pack is such a good idea.
How can we persuade the NHS to give information on miscarriage in early pregnancy packs. I know how scared and confused I was when it happened to me. I don't think any women should have to worry about what to do when you start to miscarry. The information could be used to offer some reassurance and practical tips on what to and what to except when you miscarry or have pregnancy bleeding.I know if I had that in my pregnancy pack Iwould have been more prepared than I was.
Power of Mumsnet. Reported to try to get this ball rolling.
Thanks I think I am doing this to try and help me cope with it. It has given me something to focus on.
I think some sort of leaflet on miscarriage is a great idea, especially when docs and midwives are so quick to tell you how common it is - but only after it has happened to you.
I agree about a leaflet in pregnancy pack - both for those who sadly may need the information and to more generally raise awareness as it's still something that isn't talked about.
Bumping as I'm expecting to need this next week...
Thanks for all the information and advice, I now feel much better prepared. My heart goes out to everyone who's had to find out how to cope with a miscarriage xx
I have had 2 MC. One in August'12 and one last week. I have not been given a leaflet even when I was MC and was offered very little information at all. I feel that the NHS need to do more.
Here's my tip, based on the week post-scan, pre-miscarriage: waterproof mascara. Sounds trivial, I know. But honestly, if you keep welling up like I do, you can get it back under control in meetings, conversations, train journeys etc with some furious buttock-clenching and distraction, but you really dont want to be worrying about smudges and constantly doing surreptitious under-eye-wipes. Waterproof mascara allows the odd little moment without advertising to everyone via panda eyes.
I think that it's absurd and cruel that the NHS don't provide more information on miscarriage. It can feel like a very lonely experience (regardless of whether loved ones are with you or not - they aren't the ones physically going through it)
At the time, I didn't know what to do. I called NHS Direct - not only were they unhelpful, the voice wasn't particularly warm or caring. The only helpful piece of information they gave me was to call an ambulance if the back of my neck felt cold, which was good to know but they didn't warn me about the fainting every time I tried to get up, they didn't tell me to drink plenty of water, to take Floradix for the blood loss etc.
The NHS should read our posts on this page, thanks very much to the OP for starting it!
PostmanPat'sblackandwhitecat, you will be doing a fine job if you can get the NHS to raise m/c awareness and provide practical information.
Hi everyone. Thanks for this thread- SO useful. I have just posted a question here, very much like this one and what people have said... my first pregnancy, I am now miscarrying (only 5-6 weeks in, and naturally) and have been terrified by the symptoms.
I just need reassurance, and this thread is helping so much. NHS direct convinced me that I was having an ectopic and would die... of course then A&E checked and no, it wasn't. But now I am paranoid it is and instead of getting slowly better I will collapse and die/be infertile. This is in spite of a nice EPU Dr doing a scan (no pregnancy just blood and tissue, tubes and ovaries looked normal, some fuzzing due to wind) followed by bloods (I'd had a blood test 4 days before, low hcg...the second lot were absolutely zlich not pregnant hcg). They explained even if it was an ectopic it was now bleeding/being absorbed so my tubes would be OK. But that stupid call centre operator (not knowing I suffer anxiety) has made my bad experience worse x1000 I am still terrified.
Anyways, my real actual miscarriage symptoms are bleeding (like v heavy period), constant stomach ache, feeling like wind (and either pooping like anything or bunged up- TMI!), and a sensation like a muscle strain LOW on the left (borderline of abdomen to groin) which is just a 2 on the 'pain scale'. But cause it's on the left (in spite of NOT BEING PREGNANT ANYMORE and it being not where my ovaries/womb is) I keep thinking a mass of killer cells lurking there... SO angry with whoever trains those stupid call centres... it was done so scarily and crassly.
But so glad I found this thread!
Pls would someone confirm I'm not crazy?
A really useful thread. Probably tmi but currently sat on the loo as it seems easier than being in bed getting up every ten mins. Would have been 9weeks today. I have some mild pain but nothing like even my period pain, last time it was really painful and I was only five weeks, I just assumed that this would then be way more painful. Perhaps it is all too soon? It's interesting to read that it's different for everyone. I have had light bleeding since Tuesday but now getting the clots, for want of a better word.
I'm meant to be going out today for a big family reunion and wish I knew if I was going to be fine, or whether better to stay in. It's good to take my mind off things but is it impractical?
Sorry to hear so many have been through it.
Important thread, really kind of everyone to take the time.
Have been through second mmc this week and wanted to warn you about diving right back into pre-pregnancy caffeine doses, if you had cut back during pregnancy. I guzzled strong coffee to cheer and waken myself up after cutting down for 3 months. Could have passed out with panic an hour later, wish I'd introduced it more gradually!
Good luck everyone
Thank you so much to everyone on this thread.
I started bleeding last night (Weds) but the EPU won't see me until Monday and my GP has given me no advice whatsoever. Was 11 weeks and had 12 week scan booked next week . Clots just starting to pass now and am really hoping that the mc will all just happen naturally as dealing with the hospital today has been horrible and want to just stay at home as much as possible. I feel I can maybe cope a bit better now I know what to expect.
So pleased I found this thread! It's everything I've been thinking the last few days as I'm going through a natural miscarriage.
I bought the most luxurious maxi pads I could find! It's small things like that that make this miserable experience a little less painful xxx
I am in the same situation as the very first poster on this board, so wanted to add my thoughts/experience. I read all your posts a week ago and found them so helpful. Thank you all.
I had my second mmc last week. Am very fortunate to have had a dd between mc 1 and 2. I coped practically very well last week. Emotionally not so well, a work in progress.
My first mc was traumatic and a mess all round. I made a few mistakes. First, I rang the midwife rather than go straight to the GP. i didnt know how little midwives can do (in my area) this wasted a day during which I was so anxious. My GP referred me for a scan the next day, and when I got the scan it was Thursday and the earliest op was Monday. I then miscarried at home over the weekend. Having now done labour too, I can honestly say it was scarier and for a while more painful. (This may be in part because after that, i prepared for labour in a rather thorough way!) i had no pain relief and suffered strong contractions on and off for three days, culminating in an hour of non stop excruciating contractions, we went to hospital at that point only for me to pour blood on their floor (in retrospect, rather handy as we were renting and had cream carpets in the bathroom...) they panicked and considered emergency erpc and blood transfusion but in the end neither was needed.
Emotionally that shook my world. I don't think you recover as such but I thought about it less after about six months and having my daughter was wonderful (not the pregnancy, anxiety from the start to end, I see now I will never 'enjoy' pregnancy). To anyone reading and wondering when it will feel better, it gets easier but be kind to yourself, i was offered two weeks off works and it madecall the difference to my mental health to have some time to think.
This time round nothing was such a shock, not the blood at 11 weeks, not the scan and news. I chosevmedical management because in a strange way having the miscarriage naturally previously had been cathartic. I needed to know I had been pregnant, I hadnt dreamt it, and seeing all the blood (biblical quantities) and feeling physical pain equivalent to my grief felt right.
It seems my body knows how to miscarry, this time again I miscarried before the 'medical' manage,ent, or rather between the two sets of tablets. Very little pain this time (maybe because my cervix knows how to do this? Or just chance?) biblical amounts of blood again. I knew what to expect, took to the loo, and stayed there till it was all over.
Emotionally it is less upsetting than last time, i feel blessed every day to have a dd, but still feel tremendously tired and down, and am needing the time off work.
So, my tips are :
Bear in mind your midwife may not be able to refer you to epau. Go straight to the GP.
Expect more blood than the nurses tell you about, it may not be the same for you, but really, the descriptions in the leaflets seem laughable to me. No sanitary towel on earth could cope! This time round I sat on the loo as no way could I do anything else without making a tremendous mess. I appreciate that the leaflets need to encompass a wide range of experiences but they fall so short of describing my experience I feel as if i live in a different world. Do nurses, GPs and midwives not often see the results of a miscarriage or something?
Pain can vary dramatically, but hospitals can issue you with pain relief in case. They did it for me this time and I didnt need it but was so grateful to have it to hand before the time I was 'expected' to miscarry.
Both times I have been physically and emotionally exhausted after, beyond what even I expect. I really need time off work. I do also have a rush of energy immediately after, which is along the lines of 'I survived!' This lasts about 24 hours and then disappears into a deep well of sadness. This time I made the mistake of telling work when I would be back during the energy rush, and had to backtrack soon after. Not recommended.
I increasingly am telling people what happened, rather than hiding it and ending up in the wrong conversation about whether i plan to have more children. On the other hand, have not told some family members who were resolutely upbeat and told me how I should feel last time. There is no advice here, just reflection on what I have done each time. The best friends have listened, let me be sad, and not assumed that I could get pregnant again or carry to term.
Gosh, what a lit of text. Apologies. I guess this is part of my recovery!
I've just been discharged from hospital following medical management for mmc at 7 weeks.
I had the course of tablets twice- didn't work first time, had a ton of bleeding but didn't pass anything else. Second time I didn't even bleed until after the tablets had been finished and we were discussing the urgical option with the consultant. I had no pain and very little cramping, and got rather concerned as the nurses kept asking me about pain when I jut didn't have any.
I initially went to a&e who referred me to the gynae ward and they were fab. I would recommend going to a&e as they can refer you quickly.
Nobody told me that the tablets can cause major diarrhoea. Until I got it. I agree there should be more info in the maternity packs, especially regarding who to see and what to expect.
Hey Ipswichwitch, I'm sorry for your loss. It's a horrible experience to go through. I've had a few days to recover at home now after being in hospital and I hope you manage to rest. Take care xxx
Just been diagnosed with MMC at 12'4, baby measuring 9'3. I was actually on this thread last month expecting a week 6 miscarriage but we were reprieved - or so it seemed.
CatLover I was very struck by your expression of feeling physical pain equivalent to your grief - this is exactly how I feel and I'm almost welcoming the thought.
Does anyone have any tips on what to do with the baby? This is a monumental wall to me at the moment and all the options seem impossible.
Great thread wish I'd seen this straight away!!
I'm all for doing things naturally and at home - I believe miscarriage, pregnancy and birth are entirely normal, natural processes and the female body knows what to do in most cases.
My situation: I'm 38, had a mmc 6 years ago (at 11 weeks, baby had died at 8 weeks), then a textbook pregnancy resulting in perfect daughter born March 2011.
Am currently in bed. Miscarriage last night (I was again at 11 + weeks, not had scan so don't know how far along baby was). Hoping I am over the worst.
What happened: Brown spotting 4 days ago, steadily getting heavier and turning red with small clots, accompanied by wind-like pains and cramp (sorry tmi - I always get bad wind before a period so knew it was imminent) then started passing large lumps and clots. Meant to try and see what was coming out but in all cases it had slipped out and down the u bend before i could see. At its worst I was going to the loo every 10/15 mins for about 1 and a half hours, pushing out large bits and pieces. One piece was particularly large and I have a feeling it was the sac and baby = ( After that it subsided so managed to go to bed and slept.
Today have had pain and so far have passed another large piece of tissue and am bleeding so just chilling out in bed with drinks, food, books, laptop and paracetamol. Have week off work.
This is so much easier to handle than my first miscarriage, I knew what to expect and how to breathe thru the pain, also knew about maternity pads!
My hubby is great and is doing a great job looking after daughter/me/house/dog but as far as the actual physical stuff I am one of those people who prefer to get on with it on my own with no fuss. Was the same with daughter's birth.
Good luck everyone you will get through this and over it, it will make you stronger. x
MoJangled: I wanted to see the baby this time, rather than flush it away but as I said in my post above I was too late to catch it, maybe I should have had a sieve or something. But not really in the frame of mind to think clearly!
If I'm honest I was a bit freaked at what I would do if I saw it, and like you, what to do with it? Nicest idea I had was to bury in garden but soil so waterlogged and this time of year I was panicking about having to store it in the freezer or something..... what an awful thing we have to go through
Lots of love x
Such a useful thread although fills me with sadness that some many of us go through this. I hope everyone is coping okay.
I will try to add my tips - I know some posters have said they have had relatively little blood I was the opposite so I am not trying to scare people but the quantity of blood was huge.
I was 11 weeks mmc with fetal poles measuring few mm I too didn't realise that you need GP referral to go to early preg unit so go straight to gp I ended up being in urgent care centre for 2 hours not nice! I had scan and due to protocol they needed to leave it 10 days to scan again just to make sure there were no developments and was then told if the mc started naturally to take paracetomol and not to take any thing else as its not recommended in pregnancy! Hhmm pregnant or not this left me bit confused!
Go straight to GP when bleeding starts as you get into early preg unit quicker
Started bleeding properly on monday night and then passed lots and lots on wed night and sat on the loo for at least an hour. Thought that was it but there was more to come. Just be warned that bleeding can start again. Yesterday I woke with no bleeding but about lunchtime it really picked up and pain was unbearable just like labour pains. All in all ended up phoning for ambulance as it was pouring out of me for over an hour - ended up bleeding over ambulance, gyna unit waiting room, toilet floor etc etc very scary in the end the sac was stuck on my cervix and the doc pulled it out within 10 mins the bleeding had slowed. I suppose my advice is that at any point you feel it 'just isn't right' trust your judgement as it perhaps it isn't. The staff at the unit were fabulous and said if I hadn't come in then I would of been really poorly. Although in the rush to get out of house managed to grab spare pants and jogging trousers was glad of those but wished I have wipes. Maybe have a grab bag of stuff incase you need to rush into hospital.
Trust your instincts - be wary of the bleeding starting again
Hope its all over now fingers crossed now I can get on with the emotional side of things. Although had a chuckle last night when doc advised against unprotected sex - like thats going to happen soon! Not likely cervix feels bit sore!
Sorry for over long post I think someone else has put part of the recovery agree
Have now had my miscarriage on Monday night (monday seems to have been a dreadful day for several people - sorry to everyone)
Thank goodness for this thread. Thanks to the info here I was so much more prepared. It was gothic in drama and gruesomeness, but I found I went into coping mode and wasn't troubled by dealing with the emotions at all - hopefully this useful separation will happen for others too. It had its humourous moments too - after 4 hours on the loo I'd lost so much blood I couldn't sit up any more so ended up on the floor seeing stars; DH was coming up the stairs with a cup of tea for me and I didn't want him to panic discovering me lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, so my best solution was to call 'don't freak out, don't freak out' cue DH galloping up the stairs spilling tea and bursting into the bathroom saying 'what am i not freaking out about... oh'...
Still washed out, white as a sheet, headachy and no energy. Completely agree with the don't rush back to work advice - I'm off for 2 weeks. The emotions are gradually popping back up when triggered, but DH and I have created a bubble in which to recover in which we're actually not that unhappy. The danger is that I'm locking the emotions up so well that I bury them, so I'm following another tip and arranging to see a midwife/bereavement counsellor.
Re the what to do with the baby thing. I lost the sac almost first thing and had to fish it out of the loo. I really couldnt tell whether the clot wrapped up in it was the baby or just a clot. Since nothing else presented itself I think it must have been the baby, but the fact that it was unrecognisable from all the other stuff made it easy for me to flush it with all the rest in the knowledge that it was just tissue and my baby, my actual dear precious baby which needed love and protection and would have had the most adorable laugh - that baby wasnt here anymore. (The emotionlessness of it all probably helped at this point.) But having googled around beforehand the best option I found was to get a beautiful houseplant and bury it in the pot under the plant. It's only a tiny scrap so no yuck, you can care for the plant, and it doesnt involve putting your baby outside alone in the cold. I would have done that if I'd found a recognisable baby.
The tips I used and can endorse:
Have a seive and plastic disposable gloves, baby wipes and pads, and newspaper set up in the loo ahead of time.
Nappies are great when even the maxi pads don't stand a chance.
When you eventually have to go to bed, lying on a towel covered in disposable changing mats (plus a nappy under leggings) gives you some confidence for a couple of hours
In the build-up, a good film can take your mind off it, I watched Philadelphia and The English Patient, anything comedyish would just have annoyed me
Recognise and expect that you will be weak as a kitten afterwards and dont try to be a hero
Sorry - stupidly long post
Bump - thanks comeonbishbosh for starting this post. Sorry also for everyone's losses, and then taking the time to post your experiences.
I'd been bleeding over the weekend with mild adomanal pain (not particularly cramp like, but in hindsight like pain I experience when having my period). Read the thread in full last night before heading off to the EPAC unit this morning and it really helped in preparing me. Then sonographer took a long time with the scan, so kind of knew it wasn't going to be good news.
I have a MMC I think - a sack with no yoke or fetal pole - but have to go back on Xmas eve as its too small for their measurements. It also helped to know the three options and that drugs aren't an option for me as on steriod treatment.
Thanks again - far superior on the practical side than the one side of A4 info provided by the NHS!
Just wanted to bump this thread.
Told a friend about it so want to make sure she spots it easily.
I had my first MC on Thursday at work. It was awful, but my GP was amazing. I was in such a state that if she hadn't told me to get in a cab and go to EPAU to get checked out, I would probably have tried to get the bus. Thanks for this thread, I was in a complete panic but reading about it now makes me realise that everybody's experience is different. My bleeding hasn't been so bad as I thought (heavier than usual and comes in fits and starts) but the cramping has been very uncomfortable. I'm exhausted though, and even small amounts of exertion tire me out. Does anybody know how long the tiredness lasts for?
Hi Bubble - I felt wiped out for a week or so, as long as the bleeding lasted. If you can, try getting some Floradix tablets or liquid - it's to replace the iron you are losing which can make you washed out (Sanatogen or something similar would do).
Also try to drink more water and just rest.
bubblegumgirl - I'm in the same situation, it sucks, doesn't it. I've been bleeding since last Sunday, and I just want it to stop and go away. I'm very tired and feel washed out, no energy for anything. At the same time I do want to keep busy (well, sort of), so I don't have to think about the miscarriage all the time.
The bleeding isn't any heavier than my period, but it also comes in fits and starts. Thankfully, the cramping and back pain has stopped now, I've been taking paracetamol all week to keep it at bay.
I have another scan tomorrow, where I will ask about extra iron... They didn't mention anything from my blood test, but maybe it'll help (in lieu of the deep hole that I want to crawl into and hide).
But I struggle more with my emotions, I'm literally all over the place. Not a good state of mind when I'm about to have to face all of DH's family over the next couple of days I'm seriously worried that I will lose the plot at some point and have a massive go at somebody...
Hi all, just read through everything on this thread. Very useful as I am currently in the midst of heavy bleeding, sack passed last night.
I agree there should be info in the pregnancy pack. I expected the pain and bleeding, just not the rest of it. The super heavy bleeding, the nausea, weakness, tiredness and just feeling unbelievable ill. MN has been my lifeline through this
Thank fuck for MN - I got zero info from NHS between my bad first scan and rescan and the generous information here has been a lifeline.
Post-ERPC today I wanted to add my tuppence-worth for anyone considering the surgical route:
- ERPC wasn't traumatic or scary. Everyone was incredibly kind to me, they explain everything very thoroughly and I think that feeling looked after and knowing what is happening is a blessed relief. I came round from the general anaesthetic feeling weirdly refreshed and so so grateful that I had been reprieved the physical pain of passing the sac.
- if like me you are left in limbo-land waiting for a rescan that you know isn't going to bring any good news, don't be scared to ask them to put you on the ERPC list for the same day as your rescan. For me this meant that I had an end in sight, and I knew I was going to get it all over and done with in one day, rather than it dragging out. The EPAU were hugely accommodating and understanding and moved my scan appt to 9am so that I'd be ready for the pm day surgery.
Hi everyone, first of all great thread, so glad its here! Second, Mojangled thanks for the laugh and highlighting the "humour" in your story I can very much relate to your emotional detachment as well at the moment anyway as until that first scan is done and somebody tells you everything is normal, DH and I never really let ourselves get too excited.
Anyway, this was my second pregnancy, and 1st mc which happened on Saturday night. As fate would have it, we are in America visiting my family and I am sure if I was back in England I would be a lot worse off, feeling very isolated as we only just told immediate family our news on christmas day and probably would have been even more of a shock to them had they not known anything at all. Needless to say my family have been fab, loking after DS1, and waiting on us hand and foot.
I think i am far more traumatised by what i had to go through in hospital rather than our loss and maybe that emotional bit will come later, but for now i am thankful i am able to rest and recover for a week until we fly home again.
Thank you all for sharing your stories and the very practical tips im sure i wouldnt find anywhere else!
This thread was a lifeline when I was sent home from EPU at Chelsea & Westminster at 11 weeks with a fetal pole measuring at 7 weeks. I felt shocked and bewildered. I was given no information, not even a leaflet. A nurse said, just make sure you don't use tampons, change your pads regularly and take paracetamol and come back for a rescan in a week. From physical side of things my miscarriage progressed as follows:
- started brown spotting at 10+5 weeks (Monday 03/12/12), went to A&E at Chelsea & Westminster but they didn't have an ultrasound facilities there so was referred to EPU at the same hospital
- EPU did not have any appointments on 04/12/12, so went for a private scan which showed that my baby died at 7 weeks; still brown spotting
- on 05/12//12 (Wednesday) had a scan at EPU Chelsea & Westminster but they said come back in a week for a re-scan "as mistakes have been made in the past". I've asked them to put me on a list for ERPC a day after my re-scan.
- the night/morning of 06/12/12 I started cramping badly and it felt like labour with contractions coming at regular intervals and becoming stronger. I needed to go and make a pee all the time. At 1:00am I went to the loo and started to pass large clots (about an inch in diameter). It was very violent and I could not left the toilet seat for 3 hours. This is when I read this thread and saw all the useful tips for making a sweet earl grey tea, lots of pads, toilet paper, leggings (they really made a difference to feel more "secure"). My dear husband went to the 24hr off-license and got the biggest pads they had. By about 4:00am I thought it was over and I went to bed. It was good that I slept with double towels underneath me, as no pads could withhold the amount of blood that was coming out of me.
- I don't quite remember what happened the next day and they days that followed. It was all tears, sleep, deep darkness all around me. I remember calling my local GP asking for some stronger painkillers and he said that taking Ibuprofen with Codeine should help, and it did. I also started to take Floradix and I think it did make a difference at the end as a week later my blood test showed normal for hemoglobin. I tried to keep myself busy as much as I could during the days before a re-scan, but it was difficult as I had no energy, still loosing blood (as a heavy period). Watching good old movies helped as well as red wine.
- On Sunday (09/12/12) I was sitting at a table and then felt something large came out of me. It was a sack. It was so horrible to comprehend. It was torn, different in texture and colour to blood clots I was passing before. It was more of a greyish/pinkish colour and was thicker, more like a skin. There was no fetus in it, just blood clots.
- On Wednesday (12/12/12) I had my re-scan at EPU and they confirmed that the sack is gone but there was about a inch clot left inside the uterus so it had to be removed by ERPC (or I was given an option to wait for it to come out naturally). I opted for ERPC the next day at Chelsea & Westminster.
- On Thursday (13/12/12) I had ERPC done. They were so nice to me. I went in at 12:00noon, waited for 2 hours, I was put to sleep at 2:15pm and discharged at 4:45pm the same day.
- I spotted for a about a week after the ERPC with period like cramps.
- Emotionally I am still in that deep darkness all around me, but it's getting easier with each passing day. I will get there.
I thought my post would help someone during this terrible time. And I wanted to have some kind of closure for myself.
Just bumping - don't like this helpful thread to fall off the first page
Thanks so much for this thread, it has been incredibly helpful to me.
I will add my own tuppence-worth when I am ready, xx
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. This thread has been really helpful, both for practicalities and for knowing that 'you're not alone'. It's amazing that when you start telling others you see that others have experienced, but no one really wants to talk about it.
I was 10.5 weeks pregnant but started bleeding last Tuesday. I went to A&E and was referred to the EPU the next day. The EPU confirmed by baby 'stopped growing' and was only 4mm when it should have been over 30mm. There was no heartbeat and I assumed the worse even though he kept saying come back in a week to see if it has grown any more. Hmm.
That afternoon I had period like pains and more blood with small clots and assumed it was an MC. They had warned me I'd MC and that only call them if it lasts more than 2 weeks.
The first 4 days of the mc were like a yucky period with normal period symptoms but were worse for a 4 hour block (always between 8pm-midnight) has anyone else experienced this? I thought this seemed manageable but on Sat night it was so horrific, the pain was unbearable and I passed huge black clots (size of lemon slices). I hoped this was the peak but last night was even worse. The blood was just pouring out of me and I just sat on the loo and bled into it. After just 5 minutes I couldn't even see the bottom of the toilet bowl anymore it was so red. I passed lots more clots and these were bright red instead of black. I do not know if I has passed the sac/embryo. If it was just 4mm (sac 25mm) the chances are I could have missed it. In a way I am glad it was small as a 10.5 week foetus would have been a lot more horrific I am sure. Again this stint only lasted 4 hours but I ended up ringing the NHS helpline as the pain and bleeding were too much and I was worried. The women was reasonably helpful but more or less said "you're having a miscarriage which involves severe bleeding and pain so why are you ringing us". In the end she told me to go to A&E but I couldn't face it at 3am and the thought of being probed and prodded was unbearable.
This morning physically I feel weak and a little shocked, no pain and bleeding very lightly. I am so scared that I am going to have the same or worse 4 hour stint tonight and I am supposed to go back to work tomorrow. I have another scan on Wednesday so I guess they'll see if I have anything left in there.
I am 39, and this was my first pregnancy, so I was realistically prepared for miscarriage but that doesn't take away the sadness. As each week passed and I was getting closer to the second trimester my hopes were increased in 'making it'. Little did I know the poor little thing didn't make it past being a bunch of cells.
WarpKitten, You are so right - being realistically prepared doesn't make it any easier. My thoughts are with you and everyone else.
This is such a valuable thread - thank you everyone for your input! I had no idea what to expect and I'm so glad I did a little reading before I was in the midst of a very painful gushing mc. I've had light bleeding since week 6 but after 2 scans (at week 6 and 7) and everything being ok (strong heartbeat, good growth) I was getting used to the idea that a little blood was normal - Until the bleeding changed on the weekend at week 10 You can only stay hopeful and optimistic for so long when faced with a very red toilet bowl!
I don't know for sure if I passed the sac. If I have, I didn't get to see my baby. Similar to what is described above I sat on the toilet and just gushed during the worst part, after a searing cramp that had me doubled up in agony. All calmed down and didn't hurt so bad after that, so I'm hoping that's the worst of it over. A bit nervous that I might get an unwelcome surprise in a few days as others have described. GP hasn't suggested a scan yet..."just give it time and keep an eye out for possible infection or left over tissue".
I realise now how lucky I was to have those early scans, otherwise I might never have seen my baby. Although looking at the scan image from 7.5 weeks makes me cry every time.
If you've found this thread out of necessity, I am so sorry for your loss and wish all the very best. There's some great advice here! Don't overestimate the power of distraction and comfort offered by your favourite tv shows and chocolate (for when you're not on the toilet).
Such a helpful thread. Am using everyone's tips to make a list of stuff to take to hospital tomorrow where I am having medical management of my mmc. So far I have leggings, trackie bottoms, big knickers, night time pads, femfresh wipes, hot water bottle, chocolate, flask of tea, kindle, iPad stocked ready with fav tv series catch ups with ear phones.. Anyone think of anything else?
lendi- so sorry to here about what you're going through. If you've got a lap top and some dvds they might be good to take with you. When I was in hospital I was not in a state to manage reading but could manage watching a kids film!
Thought I'd add my tuppence worth to this thread. Your stories are all so sad ans I'm thinking that I might've got off lightly on the physical front. I found out at 11 weeks that I had miscarried. No serious symptoms except for a bit of bleeding so it came as a massive shock. 2 days later I miscarried properly at home. It was painful, probably worse than a bad period but I was only in pain for maybe 5 hours or so. I felt myself miscarry while on the loo and carried on bleeding lightly over the next few days. I went back to the hospital for a second scan a few days later only to find out that there was still tissue left in my womb so I opted for an ERPC operation. The trauma of going into hospital was worse than the actual operation and I was glad I went for it afterwards to avoid the continuing saga and pain of going through it all naturally.
I'd say- if you have the option, go for an ERPC. It gave me closure and I was feeling back to normal within 2 days.
Sorry for your loss Hevava, that's good to know that you recommend the ERPC. I'm booked to have it Monday. After 9 nine days of bleeding I was told the sac and embryo are still inside. As you say sounds like good closure and I can't bear to have more pain etc.
Everyone tells me to opt for general anaesthetic when having the op - if that's any help to anyone.
Lendi sounds like a good list for the hospital. My husband is D/L some films onto his phone for me, bless him.
Aw warpkitten, hope it all goes ok on Monday. I didn't think that they could do the ERPC under local anesthetic? To be honest, I'm not sure I'd have wanted to be awake to witness it! Just think, after Monday it will all be over and you can start to move on.
I was nervous about the op.....never had a general anesthetic before.....and sure, it was scary but they look after you really well and they'll give you as much anti-sickness/ pain relief medication as you want so it's really just the emotional side you have to deal with (which is probably the hardest part!). The nurses and doctors at the hospital were all really caring and sympathetic- they know what you're going through. Plus, you'll probably be on a ward with other women going through the same. I found it helpful to chat with the girl in the bed next to me, made it feel less lonely and reminded me that I wasn't the only one going through it.
No one can make it better or easier to go through and it's a horrible thing to have to go into hospital for, but like you said- it will give you closure.
This thread is exactly what I need right now. I miscarried earlier this week, at 11 weeks, having had a scan at 9.5 weeks which confirmed the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks.
The thing that would have helped me the most would have been preparation of what to expect a natural miscarriage to look like.
After the 2nd scan, I was given the option of the operation, but I didn't take it, i wanted to leave it a week, and give my body a chance to do it naturally... and boy did it!
I wish one of the doctors/consultants i've seen over the past couple of weeks had warned me what comes out when you miscarry. I was expecting a heavy period. which is the understatement of the century.
On sunday I started bleeding, like a light period (after 10 days of spotting, which is what led to being scanned in the first place). Then monday, huge lumps of liver-like stuff came out, each the size of say a quarter of a peach (random sorry!)... I could feel them coming out, it was gross. but manageble, no real pain, just period cramps. I thought it was all over. Then on wednesday morning, the sack, totally like you see in the diagrams, with the little 5mm dead baby in it. The sack is completely recognisable when you see it... and I think I went into shock. It was about 4/5cm long. I was expecting just blood and some clots to come out in a miscarriage of effectively only a 6 week pregnancy. But there was such a considerable amount of matter, it made me very much in awe of how much stuff my body had grown trying to make the little baby. but obviously the baby wasn't viable. and i get that. its just having to see it is really traumatic.
So in short, if you think you can deal with seeing it, by all means go for the natural option, but if you can't, then definitely have the operation as you will avoid this trauma. If we try again, and I MC again i will without doubt have the operation.
Thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread.
I sadly looked here 2 weeks ago when my first scan showed a very small sac and I new that meant I had a high risk of miscarriage.
4 days later I started to bleed and a scan confirmed the heart beat had gone.
I was told to wait for a week but phoned the EPAU the next day desperate for them to do something.
I opted for the surgical management because I was scared of bleeding at home. I was 8 weeks when it all was over,
It was fine, just in for one day, over quickly and very peaceful really.
The bleeding only lasted for a few days afterwards.
I took a week off work afterwards as I was still all over the place emotionally and I have to go back to work Monday.
The fear of miscarriage over took my grief for the loss so if anyone else is scared but can face an operation I recommend it.
I'm so sorry to all the ladies who are finding this thread because you are about to go through a MC xx I had a natural MC last week (at 6 weeks). I had been spotting on and off for a week, but by the time I went to A&E, it was very clear that I was already MCing - I passed clots the size of the palm of my hand. I am now very thankful that, after checking that I had no symptoms of ectopic, they sent me home. It was much easier being at home on my settee/toilet. A few things that I hope will be helpful to others in this situation:
- MCing leaves you very, very tired. I wasn't prepared for this and I have a 5 month old, so I needed help from others for a few days.
- Keep taking whatever PG tablets you've been taking - the iron and Vit C especially will help the recovery.
- This is a difficult one and other people might feel differently of course, but if you can help it, try not to inspect the material that you pass.
- If you have a DP who is able to, get them to take time off work with you for as long as you need them around.
- The pregnancy hormones will still be in your blood for some time so you might still feel tired and sick, so my biggest tip is... if you are thinking about (I did) then swap it for something less likely to cause heartburn, like ale.
Just to add, at the moment the emotions are getting harder every day - I feel a lot more upset now than I did the day it happened
Good advice, OP.
And don't let DH do any stinky painting while you're still in heavy flow. Even if you never argue, you will then because you will feel so incredibly sick.
And, despite the awful dreams as your hormones crash, sleep as much as is humanly possible.
hi i had my mc on christmas day had 16 people for dinner thank god for my husband wasnt prepared for the bleeding and the sittin on the toilet the whole time but three days later ended up in hospital with headaches and feeling dizzy ended up getting two blood transfusions feel way better now but have a few bad days bt i have my three healthy kids and thinking pos thought s its only been four weeks since but i keep thinking was it my job that brought on the mc as im a hairdresser and on my feet all day ,but trying to put that aside now i was only 9 weeks wen i mc it was my first mc and really dont want it to happen again wondering should i give up work and stay with my kids .but time does help
Oh Kiwi6 that sounds terrible you poor thing, you must have had it bad to have blood transfusions. Did they give any indication of cause? From what I've heard the vast majority of MCs that happen up to 12 weeks are development/chromosome problems so it's unlikely to be something you did. Try not to blame yourself. I understand that any heavy lifting or really strenuous exercise can cause MC.
I wanted to add some more tips having had my ERPC today:
-If you have pain (or bleeding) that's unbearable/excessive even after painkillers get yourself to A&E. (I couldn't bring myself to do this at 3am on a Friday but I regret this. I got thoroughly told off by the nurse: was told it's highly dangerous as the painful contractions could have meant the sac was stuck in my cervix)
- Any sign of infection (fevers, temperature above 38oc, blood starting to smell funky/foul, feeling sick/faint) get yourself to A&E. I just discovered that infections left untreated can cause future fertility probs so not worth the risk ignoring.
- If you end up having the ERPC having a hot water bottle and favourite snacks after coming around were a god-send.
- Get some nice soft loo roll for those sitting on the loo sessions
Look after yourselves and have no shame in going to A&E/NHS Direct if you're worried. Better to overact and it be nothing. xx
So so sad to see names from the antenatal thread I was on.
This thread is amazing. Thank you to all of you for your experiences and information. I was a little worried that Im not bleeding really heavily, (7 weeks) and am now reassured that this doesnt always happen, but am mentally prepared that it might. Ive had reasonable amounts of blood, small clots and a couple of largish bits of tissue, so Im fairly sure all is normal. <<hollow laugh>>
Physically, so far I can handle what Im getting, emotionally I am a wreck. Since the bleeding started, Wednesday afternoon, and though yesterday at the EPAU I was utterly inconsolable, today I am just numb. Functioning reasonably well for a while, then just losing it again.
I have no idea how some of you go through this time and time again, you have my total respect.
I miscarried 5 days ago and I'm still getting gripey period like pains, but nothing compared to how they were. I was only about 6 weeks gone, which is maybe why my blood loss is now petering off considerably.
I didn't realise how much a miscarriage takes it out of you. I've never felt so physically weak in all my life. I'm incredibly dehydrated also, constantly putting lip salve on my lips. My appetite is non-existent, and I'm struggling a bit even with day to day chores. I decided to sort out the airing cupboard and started to cry when I couldn't match the socks up properly....
I wondered how you are getting on now SaggyOldClothCatpuss, and when did your weepiness become more controllable?
I just want to get back to work and feel ok again emotionally, however at the same time I'm dreading people asking how I am as I'm liable to burst into tears.
Hi supersare I found out yesterday that my embryo stopped growing, it only measured 3mm at what should have been an 8 week scan and no heartbeat. I am going in today to discuss my options. I am just worried about what is going to happen next. I am also feeling emotional and had some cries and have no motivation to do anything. Hugs for all!
Hugs back to you escorpion.
My heart goes out to you so much, I wish I could tell you what to expect in terms of treatment but I don't know as I miscarried naturally without them having to do anything (other than the doctor taking a look inside me, which wasn't as uncomfortable as a smear test).
Because it all seemed to happen quickly, I think I went into autopilot to be honest. It wasn't until afterwards when the doctor went through the formalities and form filling and told me the 'tissue' they found would be cremated that I got really upset. So be prepared for that my love.
Bless you so much, it's a truly horrific thing to go through. I hope you've got friends/family to help you through it all. xxxx
Hugs to you ladies.
I'm doing okay. The crying has calmed down now, I'm just left with a permanent sense of sadness. It did reach a peak a week or so ago, when I stupidly got drunk and became hysterical, but I'd actually say that that helped a bit, I had a real purge.
I'm pretty much back in the swing of things now. My main problem is that everytime I see or hear of a baby, or a person being pregnant, I get this wrench in my gut, but I suppose that will fade. I hope you guys are doing okay, and that you feel less sad soon. X
I have surgery booked for tomorrow. I am so nervous. I have stopped taking the progesterone that I was given for the spotting and now some blood clotting is coming out but only now and then. I also have a sore lower back. I am absolutely petrified about what is going to happen between now and tomorrow, I didn´t sleep a wink last night, have no appetite at all. I was in bits yesterday, it is all very stressful and I just want this nightmare to be over.
Hello lovely ladies. Went for an early scan today - I'm 9weeks- and they suspect mmc. I'll have another scan to confirm next week but the nurse said its a formality and she would be v pessimistic. She told me to expect a bleed in the next week. I haven't really taken it all in... Don't know what to expect. One tip I am looking for... What do I tell work?? All i know is I don't want to go in this week!!! I had just started to get excited about my little baby... It'll be a big deal for me to be out of work so I have to come up with a decent excuse (I don't want to tell them).
Do you think it sounds ok to tell them I will be having an unexpected operation and will be out of action for a week or so? They won't ask questions. Anyone have a better idea??
All tips appreciated.
Finally, sorry for all our little losses
Are you on a career ladder where being pg will affect your progress? If not, tell them the truth is my advice. You are bound to be emotional for a while, someone needs to be able to understand.
Have you read the rest of this thread? Theres a lot of useful information and experiences on here. Mine is take things day by day. Some days youll want people, some you wont. Be kind to yourself.
I think the main generic advice is painkillers and a hot water bottle.
Thinking of you. xx
Thank you for sharing your experiences. So sorry for such loss for everyone.
My experience was tiny bleeding one evening at 7wks. Positive scan at EPU next day. Booked for next scan in a week. Bleeding continued. Pain and cramps on and off. Reassured by MW that some people do bleed all the way through pregnancy and have healthy babies.
Couldn't take any painkillers as they kept reassuring me. Only found out I had definitely MC when we went for our first MW booking amd I begged them to scan me at the ultrasound clinic amongst all of the evidently pregnant people. I was relieved to know but grateful that they scanned me so that I didn't have to wait for postponed EPU scan.
Now a couple of weeks on I have cramping sensations and feel pretty bad. Can you tell me when you had your first period afterwards?
Only DH and DM know. 5 of my friends and family have had babies during the last few weeks. Don't really want to ask their advice.
Big hugs to you x
Omri, it is a tricky question on whether to tell work or not. My manager already knows what's happened, it's just the rest of my office I'm dreading seeing as it's quite a friendly place and people look out for each other there and I know people will be curious as to why I've been off work for a week. Anyway, I'm hoping to go back into work tomorrow and even though my boss knows why I've been off my colleagues are going to ask if I'm ok. Just wondered how others have dealt with the question in general, when seeing friends/family/colleagues who you hadn't told that you were pregnant...have you told them what happened or not?
You're in my thoughts Escorpion...bless you so much, sending you many hugs and hope you have someone to hold you hand through today. It is horrible, there's no other way to describe it. I know we moan about the NHS but nurses in general are caring and understanding and the doctors are very professional so I'm sure you'll be well looked after.
Good luck today Escorpion. Thinking of you. X
Just read my post and realised what I wrote re it being horrible...sorry Escorpion if I could change my posting I would but I don't know how to. I meant horrible as in the thing that's happening, as in losing your baby. It wasn't painful and they give you painkillers so please don't worry xxx
Don't think my last post went through. Was just explaining that yes it's a cut throat and chauvinistic workplace and will get nothing in my review if they get a sniff that I'm pregnant or want to be... And when you're off sick you're expected to work from home! I just feel numb and don't want to open the laptop
Escorpion I sympathise with you completely. Holding your hand today. Let us know how you're doing...
Thinking of you Escorpion
Try to be kind to yourself. Chocolate, DVDs, book you've been meaning you read all helped me.
Omri i really feel for you. There are some careers where even a hint of a pregnancy will discount you from being respected and valued. They called ML holidays the last place I worked! Discuss with GP they may have a vague phrase that you can have on your sick line.
Big hugs to all x
Just noticed my last post never posted so wanted to say thanks mamab.. They call mat leave holidays in my current place!! So I emailed two of my bosses at lunchtime to tell them I couldn't join them on a conference call this afternoon as I had been to gp and he had sent me in to hospital for tests. Random and generic but they won't ask Any questions and it means when i go for my appt next week I can just say oh it's a follow up.
Bloody hell I might just tell them the truth to take the stress out of the situation but that is professional suicide in there
I am sole earner in our little family here so bit of pressure to keep going...
supersare i didn´t read it like that, I knew what you meant. I am in Chile, so not sure if the procedure is different but was advised to have the d&c, in hindsight I think I would do it again, just because it has given me closure quickly and I am not worried or anxious as to what is going to happen next. They gave me some pessaries in the morning and I had to wait for several hours until I started contracting, luckily I didn´t have too bad cramps, then I was taken into surgery where they gave me a sedative and then antibiotics which stung like a bitch, then the anaesthetic, the next thing I knew I woke up. I think the worst part of all this experience was the waiting, and not knowing. They are going to look at the biopsy of the remains to see if I get any answers, I am hoping it is my hashimotos and hypothryoidism because if this is the case I can get my TSH at a good level for when we try again. (Hashimotos and Hypothyroidism were discovered during my blood tests). Thank you ladies for all your best wishes. It really was a bad experience overall and heartbreaking but like I said I am glad I have some sort of closure now. Love to you all and I am so glad I found this page for the support.
Escorpion, so nice to hear you are ok. I agree the worst part before it happens is not knowing what's going on. I was worried I had an ectopic pregnancy at one point and every twinge I felt made me worry. I also agree that it's good to have closure. MC is very upsetting but also seems to be a very unspoken subject. Love and hugs to everyone who has been through it, or going through it now xx
This thread has been a god send, just the first couple of pages got me through yesterday. One I would add, if it's not already on here, do not look at what passes. I thought it would be better to know if it was over, now I realise that was an absolutely stupid idea
This thread has really helped me today and will continue to help me.
Got 3 positive pregnancy tests last week and was starting to come to terms with my contraceptive pill failing me. By saturday was getting little waves of excitment about becoming a mum again. Then by saturday afternoon i had spotting, which continued on & off scantily until today when to my disbelief i had a proper bleed. I ended up telling my close friend of my pregnancy & she then got me some advice from the hospital.
I was very anxious, but they said there isn't any point of me coming in as a scan this early on wouldn't show. I was told it was probably implantation bleeding or it could me a mc. I'm to take another poas Tue and if still positive, come in for a scan.
If i'm completely honest i know i'm having a mc, i'm bleeding heavily now and soaking pads
I guess my baby wasn't meant to be, going to take time to rest.
Told my mum aswell who has bought me some thicker sanitary towels round. Have had a bath & i'm now resting.
Sorry to all of you who are going through this.
This thread is invaluable x
This thread ought to be stickied at the top of the board.
Sorry to hear that pumpkin, completely sucks that we have needed this thread but so grateful it was here. unmumsnetty ((hugs)) for you.
(((Hugs))) to you aswell Christine xx
Bump. This needs to be on the front page.
Just wanted to add something on my experience. I have had two mc. One mmc last year which I had medical management for but went home after the pessary and a natural mc last week. I know lots of ladies have had horrendous experiences with bleeding and pain but its not always like that. Following the mmc last year I had horrific pain for about 3 hours but the codeine the hospital gave me sorted it out. The bleeding lasted for about 2 weeks & at its heaviest I was probably changing my pad every two hours. This time round it has been much easier physically, just like a heavy period & I've stopped bleeding after 7 days. I started bleeding on Friday & my scan on Monday showed I was almost back to normal already. You can self refer at the EPU at my local hospital so I would always ring them first before the GP to see what they can do for you. It's an awful thing to go through & don't underestimate how much it will knock you out both physically & mentally. I had 5 days off work last time & 4 this time which was enough for me but take as much as you need.
Thanks for sharing your experiences everyone. I believe I'm in the early stages of mc and was expecting something like a really heavy period. I now feel well informed of what it's going to be like, which sounds truly awful, but I least it won't come as too much of a shock. When I started spotting a few days so I felt pretty stoic about it all but now the bleeding is heavier I don't feel quite so brave.
This thread has been helpful to me over the past couple of weeks. Just adding and bumping now mine is all over.
MMC was discovered two weeks ago and the baby had died a week ago before that at about nine weeks. I had had bleeding until yesterday afternoon but never very heavy. I was told there's no way to bring on a natural miscarriage but I read that exercise sometimes does- that might be the case for me as I went cycling yesterday afternoon.
I had cramps at bedtime like the ones that had come and gone before, but woke in the night with more severe ones. They increased intensity quickly and it was really very painful for about two hours. I was shocked at the pain. Paracetamol didn't touch it. I was getting ready to go to A&E because I couldn't handle it.
Moving around getting dressed I felt a pop and then clear water came out. It was the sac bursting and I got instant relief from the pain and the sac came out. I think the serious pain was the sac trying to pass my cervix. It was about as big as a fist although flat as the water had gone and I could see the tiny baby inside. I was not organised with a sieve but I am not at all squeamish so I just fished it out of the loo.
A few minutes later I passed some chopped liver placenta type bits. None of this was painful at all. There was blood but not lots and lots. This morning I feel fine, just tired and DH is taking care of me.
I am glad I got through it at home which is what I wanted. I have wrapped up the baby to bury somewhere special. If I had to start over I would get stronger painkillers in- I'm not bad with pain but this was really very hard to cope with. And from my own experience I would try exercise again if I wanted to hasten things along.
Sorry to anyone who is looking at this thread going through miscarriage. And thankyou to everyone who has already posted, it's very helpful and noone tells you this stuff.
Thank god i had read this thread before i miscarried. like loads of others on this thread, i felt that i didnt get a huge amount of information from the hospital/doctors etc - this was my first pregnancy and i had no knowledge or experience regarding how painful, bloody and traumatic it could be. i got all my info from this site mainly! i think that doctors should provide more information about these realities - it helps to know what to potentially expect, although i know everyone has different experiences - heres mine...
- 12 week scan shows blighted ovum. i was booked for a second scan a week later but wasnt given much information. sadly i had to go online to educate myself.
- 5 days after scan i start bleeding although its very light and manageable.
- 2 days later i go for a second scan. docs confirm that sac is empty and then go over all my options (a week later than they should of in my opinion) i opt for an ERPC. this day is thursday and the earliest i can get booked in is the following tuesday (i found this upsetting as i didnt want the trauma of going through it naturally).
- 2 days later - my worse case senario happened - it was saturday evening and the pain and bleeding start to increase. i started to pass large clots. after about 2-3 hours the pain started getting intolerable. the bleeding and clots were also starting to get unmanageable - i was changing pads every 10-15 mins so my partner took me to the hospital. we phoned the ward first in advance who told me to come straight in ( it was about 2am at this stage) i was also cold and clammy and almost passing out at this point. when i arrived at the hospital the pain increased even more - felt like it was cutting me in half. the doctor at this point did an internal exam where he removed a large amount of material from my cervix - this eased the pain almost immediately.
- i was kept in hospital for the next 12 hours for observation and given another scan that morning which showed a majority of the material had been passed - was still bleeding fairly heavy-ish at this point.
- i had 2 smaller clots a day or so after i was discharged and have since been bleeding on and off.
- this was 2 weeks ago. i went back to work yesterday and feel ok now physically except for the odd cramp pain here and there. emotionally it may take me longer. i have had a couple of teary moments the last few days - mainly when people who knew about my pregnancy see me for the first time and dont know what to say. that awkwardness or consoling hugs seem to trigger the emotions for me.
Sorry if this seemed a bit rambling... in a way it has been sort of helpful for me to write it down. i hope also that my rambling words can be of help to other women going through this - i know that other peoples posts helped me anyway.
it is a shitty situation for anyone to go through - my thoughts are with everyone else who finds themselves in this position. xxx
p.s - maybe i need to change my username - possibily "gonnabeamumsomeday"
Bumping this for someone going through this horrible process. So sorry for anyone going through this
Just feel like this the right place to share my expericance cause it may help other people.
This is my first pregnancy and first miscarriage. I also just got a promotion in my company and moved to a new department on the 29th of April. We don't have a car and no close family around us our nearest hospital is only 2 miles away but they have shut down all their emergency maternity services and so to get to EPU is a 20 minute train journey for us followed by a 10 minute bus ride.
I started spotting blood on the 7th of May and went to our local A and E they referred me to the local EPU. I got a scan on the day. I should have been 9 weeks but baby was only showing 6 and was told to come back for a rescan. I started having cramping and some more heavy spotting in the meantime. It was weird though how I just didn't feel pregnant anymore I knew it was over. My boobs felt deflated, my nausea had gone away.. I told work they have been really supportive but everyone kept saying oh be positive they could have got the dates wrong. But I knew what my body was telling me. I had read up on what miscarriage could entail so I took some days off as my work is also a 20 min train journey away and I didn't want to go through that there.
I went back for a rescan on the 14th. The night before I was up the entire night with cramps that just got worse and worse. The train journey was agony I don't how I would have coped without hubby there as he kept my spirits up. We arrived 30 minutes before the scan we were the first appointment I was so uncomfortable I couldn't sit. I told the reception she said can you wait 20 minutes as your the first on the list? Well my body couldn't and I had a huge gush of blood right there in the waiting area. In less then a minute I had blood from my waist to my socks! Despite having an fresh overnight pad on. They were so kind to me got me a gown hospital knickers and put us in an exam room. The doctor examined me and told me with a very serious face, your actively miscarrying now. Yeah I thought I noticed that.:0) They did a scan and the sac was still there. I went to the toilet a few times and passed some massive clots. The doctor brought in the registrar and they did another exam for the purpose of removing the sac as my cervix was open. Seriously painful, but they thought the sac had passed in the meantime as they couldn't see it. They kept me there all day and bleeding had stopped. Hubby had to go out and by me clothes so I could get home. I took the rest of the week off work as I was exhausted and in pain. I went back to work the following work still light bleeding thinking it was all over. We went back for a follow up scan on the Friday and it turned out the sac hadn't passed. We were shocked the nurse was surprised as well as I had been doing so well. We decided to opt for ERPC as the pill option would mean having to go back and forth to a hospital which in our situation is just ridiculous. I had to wait over a week for the appointment though. Emotionally I had been coping ok wrote baby a letter said goodbye even put some flowers down at our local church but now it wasn't over. I told work to not expect me in until a week after the ERPC and the EPU signed me off. In the week before the ERPC I had at least 3 boughts of heavy bleeding. Sometimes it would only last an hour. The day before I had the ERPC I was on the toilet for 4 hours and the pain got to the point of contractions coming every couple of minutes. But I knew it hadn't passed it felt like my body was really trying to pass something but in the end it just gave up and the scan the next day confirmed it. The Sac was still there. I had the ERPC and the prep up to the operation was the worst part. The staff were so disorganised they kept having to go and find stuff. I normally don't let myself get flustered but I hadn't had any sleep and this was the first operation I had ever had. I nearly walked out! I felt so much better when I woke up and it was over. Even when the nurse came to search my bed for the keys she had lost while she had been maneuvering me while I had been unconscious in theater. Luckily she didn't find them stuck to my butt she had dropped them somewhere else. You have to laugh. I am now home looking forward to going back to work on MOnday and feeling massivly better. It has taken me about a week to get my strength back.
Things i have learned.
1. Learn to listen to what your body is telling you it's probably right.
2. Talk with your other half and try to keep a sense of humor this helps with all the long waits for scans and hospitals. Remember your both grieving and we all handle grief differently. he hasn't felt baby and he is helpless to help take away the pain. We have found crossword puzzles are life saver and you can do them together.
3. Talk to someone who has been through it or at least read about it. But remember everyone's body and miscarriage is different your experience may end up totally different to theirs but it's good to know others have got through this.
4.Talk to a pharmacist/doctor anyone about getting good pain killers. They take the edge off and a glass or two of wine might help but not at the same time as the painkillers!
5 Take more time off work than you think you need because you need it. This is a direct quote from the CAB website advises." Time that you take off sick because of an illness resulting from your pregnancy, such as high blood-pressure, shouldnt count towards your sickness record at work. This includes any time you take off because of a miscarriage.
If you are disciplined or dismissed because of your sickness record when you're pregnant, this may be discrimination. You should get advice.
If your employer decides to dismiss you for taking too much time off sick when that time was due to being pregnant, this is likely to be pregnancy and maternity discrimination. You can make a claim to an employment tribunal about this.
If you take time off because of an illness connected with your pregnancy, or because of a miscarriage, this should be recorded. You might want to keep your own records of time you have taken off sick because of your pregnancy."
6 Get comfy pads, I normally use pads with plastic like most major brands but I have found that using all cotton natural pads are much more comfortable on my skin than plastic all the time. They also reduce smell. Though they can be hard to find. Naturacare brand is one of the few I have found. Though their maternity pads are called new mother pads, bit of a kick in the guts! I felt better having a heavier bulky pad it made me feel safer, when going out. Laying down towels on the bed can help too if you can't find a maternity sheet. Boots does stock them.
7 Remain optimistic but realistic and give yourself time to recover both physically and emotionally. Cry if you need to but remember you can still laugh too. I have been watching loads of standup comedy and it does help to laugh.
8. ask for help. as soon as I told people they were more than happy to help. I got lifts to and from the hospital for the ERPC and a friend even stayed with me when my hubby had to go to work.
Love and hugs to everyone going through this I hope this helps someone out there.
It is a great thread, helped me in October last year and is helping me now.
What I want to add is don't try to be brave. I tried, went to work, got cramps and broke down in tears. It's not worth it, work can wait.
Love to all you ladies going through this.
Just started miscarrying this morning (I was expecting it as my HCG had gone through the floor: 63 on Friday and 28 today). Very blessed to have two other children, and very grateful for them, but nonetheless very, very sad to lose this one. Still ever so early on, but surprisingly (to me) emotionally painful.
I'd gone to John Lewis's yesterday to buy him/her/it a soft toy as a kind of sop to fate (God only knows what I thought I was going to achieve), like a way of telling it to hang on in there, and they were going to have such nice parents. I'm so full of just about every feeling there is going right now. I'm not even sure how I'm meant to feel anymore.
Anyway, the bit I'd meant to say was, thank you to every woman who posts on this thread, and this site. The information you post fills the gap that so many times has been woefully missed by health professionals. Without your words, and your advice, and your support, so many women would be doing what we're doing on their own. There is, I believe, pretty much nothing that can be said to make things feel better for women walking this path, but your posts manages to at least make sure that we don't walk alone. Thank you.
I'm waiting to miscarry - got three negative pregnancy tests yesterday at what would be 5+5 weeks. Had got a clear positive a week ago. Just phoned EPU as I was panicking about what might happen - worried about pain and heavy bleeding. Was advised that it probably won't be too bad as a negative test shows there is no pregnancy tissue and she said it would probably just be like a period. It's so helpful to read this thread and hear experiences and advice though I'm sorry to read what people have been through.
At the moment I am just so nervous waiting for the bleeding to happen, I just want to get it out of the way whatever it is like. Feeling very nauseous and. don't know if that's nerves or not. Very rundown with a heavy cold
So in general am not feeling good emotionally or physically. Am just hoping to get it all over with soon.
This is freaking me out a bit. Hospital yesterday told me I was probably miscarrying as hCG was way too low for 6 weeks. I started bleeding this morning but am back at work today after being off all week with spotting.
I told my boss as I thought I needed a pretty good explanation for practically running out of the office on Monday & not coming back until today!
I'm grateful for this thread too, am in the middle of an mc and haven't told anyone in rl, apart from dh nobody knew I was pregnant. Dh has gone to work today and I'm on my own with my 2 dcs one of whom is ill so we've all been to the docs already today. Went to hospital wed eve and yesterday for blood tests and scans, lost it a bit when sat in the waiting room with lots of ladies happily patting their large bumps. Should have been about 9 weeks but scan was less than 5. Got to go back to hospital this eve for more blood tests although I clearly have mc, not that painful but lots and lots of blood, tissue etc. Am trying not to inspect it too much as don't really want to see the sac. This is my 3rd mc and my second in 3 months. Dh keeps telling me how lucky I am to already have 2 wonderful children, which is true but not really want I went yo keep hearing at the mo. Got lots of other stuff going on too, dc1 is at the beginning of what will prob be as diagnosis and it's all a bit overwhelming dealing with all the medics and agencies about it, my mum is in the throes of dementia and it's tearing my relationship with my sisters apart, oh and I will be losing my job in a few months too! Sorry for rant just feel very very alone right now and physically I'm struggling to cope today with the bleeding, exhaustion and demands of a small child and ill baby. Guess I'm just hoping someone on here wouldn't mind holding my hand a little, as I have no one in rl who will today
Anyway enough of my woes, I'm so sorry to hear all your stories and a big hug to those who are going through it too today, I have found this thread a comfort and I hope you all do too xx
Sorry Fox. I saw your post on the antenatal thread but didn't want to post in there again. I think we've experienced the same thing and it's really shit. I just feel like I'm having a heavy and slightly painful period. Although it's so early on I am still so sad. I am finding it hard to summon up any enthusiasm for any of our upcoming plans as I'd envisaged being pregnant for all of them. I just got too excited too early and was stupidly unprepared. Hope you have found being at work OK and are feeling as well as is possible.
All these posts are so sad. I spent 3 hours in a&e today hoping that bleeding was just one of those things, as it was with my daughter. But no, pregnancy tests are now negative, and bleeding has increased. Def a miscarriage. I've turned to wine and cuddles with dd. It's the lost hope that doctors etc don't seem to understand. Good luck to everyone moving on from this horrible experience x
Sorry to hear that chicken, it sucks doesn't it. Xx
Bumping this. Sadly I need it as a reminder.
Am grateful for this thread. I should be 5 + 4 today but started bleeding yesterday after spotting all of the previous day. After 8 months ttc #1 it really is devastating. Am waiting for the GP to ring back with a date for a scan next week just to confirm what we all already know. I guess its just to make sure theres no 'product' (as they call it) left behind. So far it's been just like a normal period. Few little clots but that's all.
This advice has been useful for me so thank you.I miscarried a week ago at 9 weeks and it was worse than I ever imagined.I'm feeling exhausted now and quite nauseous every now and then.I would say to take practical help where it is offered and really look after yourself physically with a bit of pampering and rest.Still up and down emotionally :-( x
Hey. Just wanted to write my mc info. Everyone seems to have had horrific mc in comparison. Not been great to go thru but mine has just been bleed for the last wk. cramps last Sunday with loss of "baby" Sunday night. Lots of crying but no heavy bleeding where I couldn't leave the loo etc. I think I need to count myself very lucky!!
Hi im new to this and registered as found it on google. I did a preg test on thurs last week which had a faint pos , same on friday. On Sat am i had some spotting - sat night i had horrific pains and sorry ( tmi ) but there was loads of blood , and a couple of largish clots , about inch in size. the pains were like very early labour pains / bad period pains , all round my back etc. On sunday i went to Tesco and brought a 2pk of tests , i did one which had a fainter pos. I was still bleeding very heavily with smaller clots too. I did the last test monday and it was neg ? I havent been to the doctors as i had to work which has been awful as until yesterday the bleeding was fairly heavy and had to sit down alot as the cramps got bad , today not so bad. We hadnt been ttc as i have pcos and had to have treatment to have ds , so i thought i couldnt fall naturally hence not taking precations ? I havent told dp any of this as he doesnt want more kids , I just dont know what to do or who to talk to Does it sound like a m/c and will i need to go to doc , phsically i feel fine but mentally i feel confused and upset. If i went to doc could they tell me whether i m/c or is it too late. i have monday off work so maybe i could go then ?
Anyone ? Im so confused ! The bleeding as virtually stopped now ( 10 day total ) some being heavier than others x
I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
Yes it sounds like a MC.
Some people will advise you to see your GP. And you certainly should if you feel unwell (including feeling feverish) or the bleeding bec
Sorry. Posted too soon.
If the bleeding becomes heavier or goes on too long.
But I have had 6 MCs ( abs 3 children), 2 of them were surgically managed, 2 medically managed and 2 I sought no assistance for at all. It wasn't nice. But I was fine. It sounds to me as though you are physically over the worst of it and probably do not need a doctor unless you want one. But please please get help if you feel poorly.
And it will certainly help you emotionally if there is someone you can confide in. I always had that and yet it was still hard. Hugs to you.
Thank you. Physically i feel ok , no fever or anything - my head however is all over the place . Im working the rest of the week now so hopefully my mind will be at least a bit occupied hopefully. Im close to a lady at work so im sure if i need to talk she'll listen. I just don't feel ready to have a discussion with dp as i dont know how hed react . Ive been searching online too on diff forums / help pages which all seem to indicate a mc too looking at symptoms / other stories. Thank you for your help. Im sure ill use mumsnet more as it seems full of lovely ppl xx
This is a very helpful thread, thank you all for sharing your experiences it's helped me feel more prepared for what is ahead of me.
Just wish the hospital would be so informative
Just chucking in my experience. Miscarried this week and have found this thread very helpful. All miscarriages are different, physically mine was not particularly difficult. Light bleeding started Sunday night, nothing a regular sanitary towel couldn't cope with. Carried on the same Monday morning, I went to my mum's house so I had child are for DD and put myself to bed. Mid afternoon started to ooze, so went to the loo. Sat on loo for about 10-15 mins. Passed lots of blood and thick mucus type stuff. Then had a few painful cramps / contractions and passed a large solid (I assume it was the sac and embryo coming through intact, I didn't look). After a lengthy mop up, headed back to bed, v dizzy and light-headed, passed out on bed. Had maybe half an hour of feeling v unwell: cold-sweats, nausea, dizziness etc.
However, after some toast and a cuddle with DD, was able to have a shower and get dressed. Bleeding there after has been similar in flow to a regular period, as has cramping. Felt weak and listless for the early part of the week, now only physical symptoms are continuing light bleed and overwhelming tiredness.
What I have learnt is:
1. Make sure you are not alone, you may need someone to pick you up if you pass out, bring snacks and supply a shoulder to weep on.
2. If you have other children, get child care. I couldn't have entertained toddler DD at the same time!
3. You might not have loads of blood loss, if you pass the sac intact, bleeding usually slows right up after that.
4. Expect to be very tired for a while afterwards.
5. Take more time off than you think you need. Your body is making a lot of physical adjustments that leave you feeling v drained.
6. Let yourself grieve for the life you carried (albeit briefly in my case) and the baby you hoped to have. This is advice I haven't really followed as yet.
7. Don't hit the booze and caffeine too soon. I had a and a curry last night and its absolutely floored me.
Thank you for this thread. It has been so helpful to me. Currently in hospital awaiting ERPC tomorrow morning. Had bleeding Saturday night at 10+2 so went to A&E. Eventually got admitted to EPU and scan showed baby ok with heartbeat but there was a large subchorionic hematoma next to placenta. Stayed in overnight as bleeding now extremely heavy. Unfortunately a second scan this morning showed baby had died. Was not prepared for amount of bleeding and have been told I will probably have to have a blood transfusion pre-op. Hospital has been fantastic though and have provided lots of pads and pain relief. It has been very sad but reassuring reading everyone's posts on here. This is my third pregnancy - my first was a stillbirth and I am very lucky to have my 2 yr old Dd. I thought after the stillbirth I would be more emotionally prepared for this MMC. I was shocked at how much it stirred up all my earlier bad memories. I don't think DH and I can face ttc again and will just appreciate our Dd even more. I am very sorry for people who also find themselves on this thread, but hope they also find it such a useful source of information as I did.
Thought I would add my experience to this. Started spotting at what should have been 12+4, got referred to EPU by GP and scanned, it showed baby had died at 9 weeks. Really gutted and shocked even though with the spotting I was trying to prepare myself.
Took three days off work where the spotting got heavier but didn't really progress quickly. Needed to get back to work for my own sanity as I was getting lonely and down at home. Rang EPU and decided to have medical management to try to move it along.
Inserted the little tablets and nothing happened for three/four hours, then I reacted quite badly and had very severe diarrhoea and was sick three times. I didn't know at the time but the nurse said I could have taken diarrhoea tablets. The pain got quite bad as I couldn't keep the sickness or pain tablets down so I would advise to take those early. I wasn't really bleeding at all but then felt a gush which I think was the fluid from the sac and then shortly after there was another gush which I didn't look at but think it was the other parts. As soon as this happened the pain stopped instantly for me but the whole time was 9hrs total but only really pain for a few hours.
I continued to bleed slightly more than a normal period for two days and then it tailed off to nothing over a week or so.
I hope by sharing this can help others thinking about medical management and what is right for you. Tips if so....make sure you have someone calm with you to get water, give you tablets, I had candles to relax me, towels as I was shivering at times, pads, hot water bottle and give you a big cuddle after.
Sorry if your going through this, I am still struggling with the sadness of loosing what I was looking forward to. Hoping to try again once things are ready xx
Thank you to everyone on this thread. I'm going through a MC at the moment and just feel so desperately sad about it. I was only 4 weeks, and already have a beautiful 21 month old DS, and DH is trying to get me to focus on these things to get me through. I know he's trying to help and is feeling so sad himself, but I feel like I'm missing the person this baby would have ec
Thank you to everyone on this thread. I'm going through a MC at the moment and just feel so desperately sad about it. I was only 4 weeks, and already have a beautiful 21 month old DS, and DH is trying to get me to focus on these things to get me through. I know he's trying to help and is feeling so sad himself, but I feel like I'm missing the person this baby would have bec
I'm missing the person this baby would have become. Does that make sense?
I bled throughout early pg with my son, and I hoped this would be similar, but sadly it quickly became really heavy and I started passing clots which never happened before. Now I'm worried about trying again; I had such a lovely pregnancy with DS in general but this has totally knocked me sideways.
Everyone has been so helpful on here; it's a sad club that nobody wants to belong to but the kindness on here is really special.
Gozer, so very sorry for your loss. Sending love. My mmc was a month ago and I'm afraid I still feel a bit hollow. Hoping that the physical side is as easy as is possible. Be very kind to yourself.
Just adding my twopence worth.
I started very light spotting at 10+6, no cramps or pain although with hindsight I had lost breast tenderness a few weeks earlier and morning sickness had subsided hugely. EPU scan revealed growth had stopped at approx 6 weeks but they would only diagnose threatened MC and sent me home for 10 days before a follow up scan.
Bleeding continued as light brown spotting till 4 days later when it turned bright red + clotty with cramping. Following day was more bleeding, cramps turned almost unbearable in the evening, worst pain I've ever experienced along with nausea and vomiting :-(
Passed a lot of blood, did NOT examine to see what had come out. Following few days bleeding dramatically lessened but weird bloated/pressure sensation in lower abdomen.
Further significant bleed but without cramps 3 days later after which I have had very little blood or pain.
Top (practical) tips:
1. Stock up on painkillers, just in case. You can alternate ibuprofen and codeine/paracetamol for max relief
2. Andrex washlets or femfresh wipes help you feel less icky
3. As everyone else has said, allow more time than you think to recover, but do escape home when you feel up to it. I've found getting outside, even if just the garden, helps somehow.
4. Don't hide how you're feeling, especially from yourself. If you want to stop mid cooking dinner and weep, do it.
5. Doing something to commemorate the new life you held does actually seem to help. I am not a soppy person generally, but I was at a craft fair with my mum earlier today and saw a beautiful silver heart necklace. It's something I can wear everyday to remember the promise of our baby, which I hope will diminish the rotten memories of the MC given time.
6. Keep using MN - there's a wonderful bunch of people here who will always be there when you need a kind word or some encouragement
Thanks Engels. Had mc three days ago. So far not too bad in that I am just bleeding as if I was having my period. Still can't believe it really...
I found this thread yesterday when I was in the middle of my first MC and it's been a massive help and comfort. I can't believe how little other practical information there is out there.
I had been spotting for over a week and had a scan at 11 weeks and been told the baby had stopped growing and was very unlikely to be viable. We were told to return for a rescan the week after but be prepared for the inevitable.
Although we knew what was coming I wasn't at all prepared, thank god for my very organised husband. I lost a lot of blood and clots quickly so ended up in a&e, think it has mostly passed now but waiting for another scan to check next week.
My tips to help out would be, if you have been told you're likely to miscarry be prepared. I wasn't and it was so frantic getting child care, getting his stuff together, getting me sorted with clothes and painkillers etc. the microwaveable wheatie was a godsend and really helped with the pain. Just try to relax and let nature take its course... If it's not meant to be it's not meant to be.
Thank you to everybody who's contributed to the post though as it really has been a massive help both yesterday and today as I collect my thoughts on what has happened
I would add not to be scared of the miscarriage. I had a medical management for a miscarriage at 11+5 and was quite scared (but didn't want the surgery and the risk of Asherman's either) but it was actually quite easy. The nurses were lovely, I got co-codamol and morphine as soon as I asked and apart from having a tiring night going back and forth to the toilet to pass the clots it was fine. The misoprostol softens the neck of the womb so much you don't have the same trauma of yourbody having to force the clots through a closed cervix. I would happily recommend going that way, with the downside being that it doesn't always work and you will sometimes still need to have ERPC.
Firstly, huge thank you to everyone on these threads.
I am currently (just been told this morning) going through a failed pregnancy at 5 weeks, you have all made me feel comforted that what I am feeling and going through is natural!
I called my gp last Friday to tell them I had started bleeding with small cramps, they advised the earliest I could get seen at the early pregnancy clinic was Tuesday, I couldn't wait that long to find out if I was losing my baby I had waited so long for, so I took myself offto a&e.
After 8 hours of hanging round the hospital, I had a scan and several blood tests and sent on my way, and told to return on Sunday for a follow up blood test to see if my hormone levels had risen or dropped.
No one prepared or informed me of what I actually then went through, I wish I had read this all on Friday! The pains were unbearable, the bleeding just would ease, I didn't know if I was coming or going, my DH was amazing and comforted me all night.
I returned to hospital on Sunday for my blood test, and for some reason I was still thinking ' you never know, I hear that some people do still have periods during pregnancy, maybe My baby will be ok'!!
I have just had to call to say my levels had dropped, and that I need to return again in 48 hours for another blood test to see if my pregnancy is fully ended!! I have cried and cried and cried, I can't even begin to describe how I am feeling.
I am staying positive that my baby wouldn't have been able to cope in this world and that I will be lucky enough to fall again one day.
I agree with everyone on things 'things to be prepared with'
Lots of toilet roll
Plenty of lower back rubs from other half
I have a question, I am still bleeding and slight stomach cramps but not sure how much rest I should be having? How long did people take off work? I have taken today off but how long should I take to get over this?
Thanks again everyone, you have helped more than you know through this shitty time x
Sorry for your loss Ellie.
I had a mmc at 11 weeks and took 2 weeks off but could have done with 3. I then had an mc at 5 weeks, which for me was like a very heavy period (compared to the first one which was appalling)....so physically I felt much better able to cope and took a Friday off, had the weekend to recover, and was back at work on the Monday. Emotionally it took longer to recover but work was a distraction.
If this is your first mc then even at 5 weeks it will have been a big shock, so as well as the physical recovery you should definitely take time off to recover emotionally, at least a little bit.
SOme good news is that I conceived two weeks after my second mc and am currently 9+4....so there's definitely hope!
Hi Ellie, didn't want to read and not post, in the midst of a mmc at the moment so can't answer your questions really but just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I only posted on here a couple of days ago and the support has just been so amazing so im sure some ladies who are through the other side and ttc again will be along soon to offer advice, might even be worth starting your own thread as well? Not sure though as very new here. Ruggle, so lovely to hear positive news x
Just wanted to thank everyone for posting here. I had my ERPC about 10 days ago and this thread gave me a lot of tips about what to expect.
I would echo whoever said about taking moist toilet tissue in (couldn't bring myself to buy baby wipes as it just seemed like rubbing salt into the wound!). After the op I got dressed in a cubicle and I guess they would have let me into the loo to clean up a bit if I had asked but it was nice just to get dressed and use the wipes to clean up.
The only bit of advice I can add is that, if it is possible, when having an early scan or follow up to confirm miscarriage as I did (even though it was obvious it was not viable) try to get the earliest appointment available as it will mean there will be less heaviliy pregnant women/tiny babies around whilst you are waiting. Both my appointments were before 9am and although I had to walk through the waiting room on the way out (in floods of tears), at least it spared me having to sit amongst them, especially before the second appointment when we knew it was over.
Also I should add as I've seen it mentioned on another thread that even if you are bleeding they will still do the ERPC. You need to tell them you are bleeding so they can give you the most hideous surgical knickers and a huge pad that will not stick to said hideous knickers so you have to shimmy around with your legs kept together but unless you are actively miscarrying (and if you are the hideous knickers/non sticky pad just won't cut it) and not just bleeding then you can still have the op.
I would love to say thank you guys so much for everything you have written down.. I knew I was going to miscarriage at 6 weeks when I went to check up but it's week 10-11 and it's just starting I woke up this morning at 6 am in terrible terrible pain! This happened the day before as well but once I took medicine it went away but when I took something today it did not help one bit. This is the worst pain ever. You guys have given me some ideas to help but I'm really concerned with the time off because I am a college student and have long busy days. Also woke up this morning with a terrible sore throat. I felt the need to just sit on the toilet while it was going on.. Are you suppose to go to the hospital once it starts happening
I would love to say thank you guys so much for everything you have written down.. I knew I was going to miscarriage at 6 weeks when I went to check up but it's week 10-11 and it's just starting I woke up this morning at 6 am in terrible terrible pain! This happened the day before as well but once I took medicine it went away but when I took something today it did not help one bit. This is the worst pain ever. You guys have given me some ideas to help but I'm really concerned with the time off because I am a college student and have long busy days. Also woke up this morning with a terrible sore throat. I felt the need to just sit on the toilet while it was going on.. Are you suppose to go to the hospital once it starts happening
Hi, I had a bad experience at the hospital and it didn't help my anxiety so I just felt I thought id be more comfy at home which i was. I was also scared after previous experience of a termination and abdominal surgery that scar tissue in there wouldn't help my chances of getting pg in the future. No idea where I got that from though.
babygirl18 I'm sorry for your loss. You're fine to stay at home as long as you feel well. Try to stay hydrated and take painkillers regularly. I curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle and watched films (and cried, it's okay to cry, and to want to talk about it). Take care of yourself
My entire body aches and I have sore throat.. I feel discomfort and am worried about going to my classes this week.. Is it a bad idea to be doing so? Painkillers did not help today and I was very tempted to go to the hospital and I very very confused with everything and I do not know what to do since I am back at school and not home or with my bf... Any tips for anything
babygirl the most important thing for you to do right now is rest and recover. Go back home, take a friend or get your bf to come over. Do it now.
It sounds like you have a cold/flu on top of the mc. If you have a thermometer take your temp. If there is any odd whiff from the discharge, go to a&e. If you soak through more than one maxi pad an hour for more than 3/4 hours, if the pain cannot be managed with otc meds, or if the back of your neck feels cold go to a&e.
If you do not rest now, you may end up taking more time off later.
Being good to yourself is the most important thing for you to do right now. You may need a few days to recover. Give yourself this time.
Had 2mc and I'm still crying 4 weeks. Later why? Will it ever end
Is the sore throat thing common on top of other symptoms? I got a cough & sore throat last week, 1 week before MC symptoms began, and it hasn't gone away (we had builders in, so I've inhaled a lot of dust, now there's this smog cloud over the south-east).
I've taken nothing except paracetamol and honey/lemon & gargled with salt water to soothe my throat, been avoiding other medication while I thought I was still pregnant. As soon as I know it's definitely over I suppose I can take whatever I need?
TIA for any advice...
I think it's probably a coincidence, there are a lot of nasty viruses around at the moment. Sorry to hear you have that to deal with on top of uncertainty about your pregnancy, it's the last thing you need.
Thank you baking, it's one of those hacking dry coughs which just won't go away; if I hadn't been pregnant I'd be on the night nurse days ago. Since the smog started I've also had a blocked nose so going to sit with a bowl of hot water & Vicks tonight.
I guess (as I read somewhere on the thread below) my immune system is shot to pieces so I have to be prepared for anything. I am 90% sure the pregnancy is ending so at least I feel a bit more ready to take what's coming now.
Just started my third mc at 5+5, great tips here, waiting for OH to wake up to tell him, joy , have an early scan booked on Monday but wondering if I should call EPU this morning and grrr seen sooner? I fucking hate this shit
Sorry, MissH that sucks. Make sure you ask about referral for testing if this is #3 and come join the RMC thread for some moral support
Started spotting on fri, went to a&e and got sent home after being told everything looked fine. Had a scan yesterday and my baby had stopped growing at 11 weeks, I would have been 13 weeks.
I cant stop crying but this thread has been a great help.
Ive opted for the surgical route I cant face just waiting I feel that to start moving forwards I need to get it over with as soon as possible, which makes me feel so guilty. Im booked in tomorrow at 7.30am, the dr said to me today that after tomorrow life will return to normal, the nurse looked horrified and I just burst into tears, how is life ever going to be normal again.
Smiling, it won't be the same kind of normal, but getting into a routine of doing everyday things has helped me, although perhaps trying to do too much too soon was a bit much, I'm back on the sofa under a blanket feeling shattered.
But in my case, I went out today with DD for the first time since Wednesday when the MC properly started. Taking her to a playgroup and seeing lots of smaller babies there was really hard, but I wanted her to have fun and enjoy being outside again.
But on the way home, it suddenly hit me that this is the first time anything really sad has happened to me since before DD was conceived in 2011. Since she was born, I've been in a kind of happy cloud, and now something has knocked me off that cloud. Just getting used to the idea of being sad again, having a general background sadness to my life that wasn't there since DD was born, was very odd. And I know I'm one of the lucky ones as I do have one beautiful DC already, but as I say, I'm not sure normal will ever be quite the same normal again.
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