Missed miscarriage-should I wait for it to happen naturally or opt for ERPC?

[reallygrumpy]

After a scan a week ago which showed poor fetal growth and a slow heartbeat we went for a scan today and there was no heartbeat. Sac was about 9 wks, fetus measured 6wks+2. I'm feeling sad but suprisingly better than last week because this is what I was expecting. We talked options with the doc and his advice was steering us towards waiting for it to happen naturally but I'd prefer to have ERPC. He's going to speak to the consultant and then call me tomorrow. This is my first MC so I'm not sure what the best option is and would welcome advice. Thanks

[scrappydappydoo]

So sorry to hear this.
Its a difficult decision - I think it all depends on how you're feeling and your situation. I personally went for the erpc - mostly because I'd already been bleeding a week and was feeling ill and just wanted it to end. However I did feel bad that somehow I was making the decision rather than nature iykwim. Not sure if that helps sorry.
Whatever decision you make just make sure its your one and you feel 'comfortable' with it.
hugs xx

[angelsw12]

Hi, also very sorry to hear. I had a missed misscarriage a few weeks ago and found it very difficult to decide which option to choose but I finally opted for an EPRC. I based my decision on the fact that my BF works away and I would rather have it planned so he could be with me rather than it happen at some really horrible time and having to go through it on my own. I also had some advise on a friends who has gone through both of these.
For me, the operation was pretty horrid but it was all over very quickly.
I think its a really personal decision. However, if you do go through it naturally there is a chance you may have to have an ERPC anyway if it doesnt all go.
Sorry you have to go through this, it was my first time pregnant too. Good luck in your decision x

[knackered76]

It's rubbish, I am in the same position with a mmc. Discovered on friday, stopped growing at 8+3. I have opted for erpc (tomorrow am) as I really didn't want to wait for it to happen naturally. My body has already held on for 2 weeks and I have no idea how much longer it will go on. I also feel that once everything is out and my body starts getting back to normal it will be easier to move on as I still feel pregnant and my body is behaving as such.

I would go for what your gut tells you. My thoughts were why put myself through the extra stress and waiting when I know there isn't going to be a good result. Get it over and done with and then move on. That's just me though!

Sorry your going through this as well

[poppy34]

Sorry to hear your news - am just going through my third miscarriage and opted for natural(well o say opted but have another appt on Wednesday since found out last week to discuss options). Doing it naturally can be painful but painkillers can manage it and avoids hospital procedure(whilst procedure itself is no big deal as had one with previous miscarriage the going to hospital /anaesthetic is a bit of a drag). Also you
May end up having an erpc anyway as natural route doesn't work properly (this happened to me).

Suppose what I am trying to say is that natural is manageable but if you want to be done and dusted and are ok with idea of a minor op then that may be better.

[BongoWinslow]

Very very sorry to hear this.

I've had three MCs, first was MMC and I opted for ERPC. I went on to have two natural ones.

For me, the ERPC got it over and done with. I couldn't bear the thought of the baby still being inside me (sorry if too blunt) and I just wanted the whole horrible situation to be over and done with so I could start getting on with things. But that was just me.

The staff were really nice, the procedure was quick (although the waiting around all day in hospital beforehand was very boring and miserable - I was lucky as I had DH with me the whole time). I felt fine afterwards, just very tired.

The downside was lots of bleeding for a few days afterwards (make sure bring pads to the hospital as the ones they give you are rubbish). There is also always a risk with general anaesthetic of course.

The other downside was being asked if I was prepared to donate the foetus to research after the ERPC. I lost it when they asked me, so be prepared if they ask you. It was a total shock and I nearly slapped the nurse in the face.

The upside was once it was done, it was done and I did feel I could just heal. It takes a while, but you will feel better eventually. Give yourself time to mourn, but then in my view it's time to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and have another try. It's easy to dwell, but for me I had to nip that in the bud and look towards the future.

Comparing it to the two natural ones - they HURT! And they were scary because the whole thing was more violent than I expected. Like a really really horrendous period with awful cramps.

TMI and some harsh realities coming so stop reading if this will upset you... but it was the reality of the natural ones for me if you want to read about it to inform your choice.



The worst worst part of the natural one was having to check that I'd passed the embryo. This is not pleasant but I was told it is necessary as I think you're supposed to keep track so they know whether there's anything retained.

The other worst part was having to decide what to do with it when you do pass it. Again, I know this is awful to hear, but it's what will happen and it's better to be prepared in my view. I know some people keep it and bury it. It doesn't look like a baby, just a round fleshy ball (although I didn't look too closely - I was 7 weeks for both). But you'll know what it is and it will be extremely upsetting.

To end on some good news - my body healed, and now I'm 26 weeks with a healthy little boy and feel much much better. It took a lot of time and it was very miserable at times, but you know you can get pregnant, so look to the future and try to focus on this fact. That's what helped me.

Good luck and whatever you do, choose what's best for you and let yourself feel what you need to feel.

[Brokenbits]

Hi reallygrumpy. I'm so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, there is no right or wrong with this decision and it's entirely down to you. I was steered away from the ERPC route too as they're generally reluctant to do surgery unless it's absolutely necessary. Having said that it is a procedure which is, sadly, quite routine.

Not meaning to frighten you (just mentioning this because I felt obliged to do what the consultants said and now wish I hadn't) I had a particularly hideous time with the natural route. Whilst we are all different, and I am definitely in the minority, my decision to let nature take its course is one I will never be repeating if I am unfortunate enough to miscarry again. I bled for over 3 months and things still didn't settle down on their own. 9 months down the line I am still struggling with haywire hormones and am finally being referred to a specialist. There is no easy option with miscarriage, but perhaps an ERPC would bring closure a little more quickly and spare you a horrible wait. Whatever your decision, I second scrappydappydoo that you must go with the option which seems the most bearable for you. I hope this is all over for you soon. x

[RunDMC]

I'm in the same situation as you reallygrumpy and have had a missed mc confirmed today (after a scan at 6 weeks which also showed slow fetal heartbeat and a smaller than expected embryo). Hospital reckons by dates the embryo stopped growing around 6 weeks and so now at 10 weeks I feel like my body isn't going to do anything anytime soon and I just don't want to wait.

I have opted for the ERPC as I feel like it's a practical step I can take to getting my body back to normal and trying again. I also didn't want to deal with having to pass everything.

I do feel sad but was expecting this from the first scan and the days have dragged since. I don't think I could bear any more waiting. Was very lucky too as got an appointment for Wed lunchtime - apparently standard waiting time is 10 days from confirmation.

Good luck with whatever you decide.. My advice would be to go with what feels like the right thing for you.

[reallygrumpy]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to post and sharing your experiences. My instinct is that I want an ERPC so I'll stick to my guns when the doc calls tomorrow. The whole thing is extra complicated because my pregnancy was the result of private fertility treatment but I want the ERPC on the NHS. I'm really sorry for those of you who are in the same situation as me. knackered I remember seeing you on one of the pregnancy threads I was on and I'm really sad for your loss.

On a slightly different topic, I don't feel able to go to work tomorrow so I rang my manager this afternoon, told him I'd had a miscarriage and wouldn't be in work tomorrow. He was really kind and said to keep him posted and to take as much time as I needed but now I'm worried that I shouldn't have told him. It's because of work, my 2 1/2 yr old dd and DH working away slot that I want an erpc, I need this to be over and the other people's experiences of letting nature take it's course are scary.

Thanks again and take care x

[BongoWinslow]

I wouldn't worry about telling your manager. You'd tell him if you broke your arm, so just think of it as a medical issue. And it's easier just to say 'miscarriage' than explain everything I've found.

In my experience, people are extremely sweet about it, but often don't know what to say so it seems like they don't know want to know, when really it's just usually so taboo to talk about this that they're not sure what to do or say.

Good luck. Rest up after the ERPC and be kind to yourself.

[reallygrumpy]

Well the doc called this am, I'm booked for an ERPC on Thursday so at least I feel there'll be an 'end' to this soon. The thing I'm finding toughest is still having pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs, awful nausea) but knowing it's over. I just want my body back and hopefully that's what having the ERPC will do.

knackered hope it all went ok for you today.

[Runningwithscissors]

Hi Reallygrumpy, sorry to hear this. I also found out today that the heartbest had finally gone, post IVF 10 weeks ago.

I had an ERPC in Jan post-IVF, and my recovery from this was a lot quicker than from the egg collection procedure. I had a period only 23 days later, so beware that your body can do funny things post ERPC.

I'm booked in for another ERPC early next week, although am thinking of bringing it forward, as am worried about passing the embryo naturally.

[BubbaAndBump]

Really sorry you're all going through this. Just wanted to give knackered big hugs from us all from the other thread, there were lots and lots of messages for you and I imagine you haven't been back on that thread, so just wanted to pass them on. Hope this was okay to do, not meaning to invade on your privacy. Hope today went as well as could have been expected. Big hugs xx

[Alibobster]

Reallygrumpy, and others going through this terrible time I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your news. Its the most awful thing to go through. I had my third mc 8 weeks ago and having experienced both natural mc and an ERPC I would personally advise on having an ERPC. I found the procedure very straight forward with very little pain and very little bleeding afterwards. When it was over I felt I could draw a line under it and move on. Doing it naturally was painful and very, very distressing. As BongoWinslow said you see things that are being passed and I honestly don't think I'll ever forget or get over the pain of experiencing that . You stick to your guns and don't be bullied into doing anything you don't want. I wish you every success and happiness in your future trying x

[knackered76]

I know what you mean about the symptoms still being there. I was lucky in that I didn't have that many but my boobs are still sore and my tummy oh so big and round (was my 3rd pregnancy). My doctor today said it would be about 5-6 weeks for all to be normal again. Fingers crossed for thurs x

[BongoWinslow]

I found it helped to do preg tests every now and again to help me know when my body was hormonally settling down again.

That and tracking my cycle. It might take a while before things normalise.

In my case, I actually got pregnant again really fast (pretty much straight away) but thought it was just my body taking a long time to normalise... until I had a natural miscarriage. It was a real shock, so it does pay to keep a close eye on what's happening. But it also shows that even after an MC, you can still get pregnant again without huge trouble which is always a good thing to hold on to.

Hope you're doing ok. I found the MC group at BabyCentre very helpful in the early days too.

[MogTheForgetfulCat]

So sorry you're going through this - happened to me earlier this year
Imo, you've made the right decision to have the ERPC - I opted not to, and ended up with a massive haemorrhage (at work, of course...) and having to have the ERPC anyway. Was reassured that was just bad luck, but if it were to happen again (please no) I would have the ERPC. Was horrible sitting and waiting for it to start, and my ERPC was very straightforward, with very little pain or bleeding afterwards. So sorry .

[RunDMC]

hi reallygrumpy hope things have gone well for you today - I had my ERPC yesterday and it went well - went into hospital at 12, got taken down at 4 and then home by 9. Feeling OK today with very little bleeding and not taking any painkillers.

This experience has definitely reassured me I made the right decision as I feel I can now move on and get my body back to normal.

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

[Jules80]

Hi guys, Im very sorry for your losses.

Last august- i found my self on this thread as Id had a MMC. devastated as i was- i went for medical management rather than surgical- - Its better than being put under I guess. The restult was that i lost the "pregnancy prodcut" when i was at home- you get sent home after having a tablet- then go back for more tablets 2 days later to get rid of anythign else left in there- but i diddnt. It was painfull like cramps and was over sooner than i expected. It did give me physical closure but mentally it took a while. My work were fantastic as well- even tho Id only been working 2 months before this happend!"

I want to speak on brighter side- i got preg 4 months later and I am now 34 weeks preg. It can happen some times takes longer than others but i wanted to share the positive story to give you girls some hope and something to look to.

I hope it helps. Sympathy to you all.

[reallygrumpy]

Hi all, I'm home now after the ERPC and v glad it's over. I feel ok and am not having too much bleeding so hopefully I'll be back to normal soon and I'm v glad I opted for the ERPC so thanks for all the advice. I do feel a bit weepy but I guess it's all the hormones

RunDMC I'm glad to hear you op went well and that you feel it was the right decision

Jules huge congrats! It's lovely to hear positive stories

[knackered76]

Glad you feel okay and it went as well and could be expected.

Fingers crossed for us all for another chance and thank you for a positive story Jules.

[JemAndEllie]

hi there i too have had both a natural miscarriage and a missed miscarriage. the natural happened at 13 weeks and i was in so much pain emotionally and physically and the missed miscarriage happened when the sac was 10 weeks but baby had died at 7+4 and i didnt get an option to wait for it to happen naturally i had to have an evacuation and personally i found this to be easier. the procedure was quick and although i was groggy and bleeding when i woke, the bleeding only lasted 3.5 weeks and i fell pregnant again on the first cycle and we now have a beautiful 2 year old. there is light at the end of the tunnel. i was convinced i was a failure and that it was my fault the hospital were very incompassionate and put me on the maternity ward for my procedure but the procedure itself i preferred to natural.

My heart goes out to all the ladies this has happened to, but there is a chance of a positive outcome.