First miscarriage-feeling overwhelmed

[gruffalomum]

I hope that this post doesn't come across as insensitive to people who have had far worse losses than me. I really don't mean to cause anyone any more upset, I'm just looking for some advice and reassurance as I am struggling with the experience of miscarriage.

I am three days into a natural miscarriage after about 7 weeks of pregnancy. I had an early scan (around 5-6 weeks) that was inconclusive and started to bleed on Sunday.

I had thought that I would be able to stay strong and focused on the future but I am really struggling to hold it together.

I'd be grateful for any advice on how to get through this time and on how long I can expect the bleeding and pain.

[belgo]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Was this your first pregnancy?

I had a miscarriage (after two successful pregnancies), at just over 7 weeks. I bled heavily for about five days, including clots and what I identified as the embryo. I didn't expect to see that.

I continued bleeding for just over a week, and the doctor gave me a scan to make sure the miscarriage was complete, and I'm glad I had that scan.

My emotions were up and down for several weeks.

Make sure you rest.

[gruffalomum]

Thanks for your message belgo.

It was my second pregnancy, I am very lucky to have a 17mo dd. This baby was planned, we wanted a sibling for her that was reasonably close in age.

I have had some large clots - I didn't expect that especially as the scan hadn't even found a sac...I can totally relate to the up and down feelings -I am more down than up right now so good to know it gets better.

I have been offered a scan next week, I was planning not to take it as I thought it would be too upsetting but perhaps it would be reassuring to know its all over.

thanks again

[megonthemoon]

I'm so sorry Please don't feel bad about coming on here for support - that is the last thing you need to be worrying about now.

I had a mc at 6 weeks last November, after 1 successful pregnancy. It was rotten and I got lots of support on here for which I am very grateful.

Please don't try to stay strong. You need to grieve and cry it out and rest and recuperate, physically and mentally. My DH was able to cry as it was happening; I was teary but remained a bit more numb until the physical side of things was over with for me as I couldn't let all the emotions out while my body was trying to get the mc over with. So for me it was a slightly delayed reaction.

I had bleeding for about a week, although it was worst during the first 3 days. I too had a scan and saw that it was complete and that did help, like Belgo says. Fortunately for me, the pain didn't get worse than bad period pains.

I got pregnant again a month later (it was a surprise - we hadn't really planned to start trying so soon). I'm due in Sept and it's going well, but DH and I still had a rough time despite the joy of another pregnancy. It certainly didn't take our mind of our miscarriage. I think it has taken us until the last month or so to be over the emotional shock and be at peace with it - so 5-6 months really, although obviously things did get better over that time. So give yourselves time, and don't be surprised if you are okay for a week or two and then it just hits you. And tbh, I'm already dreading what would have been my due date in July as I just don't know how I'll feel.

Take it easy, don't rush back into normal life, place no expectations on yourself, and cry as and when you need to. Take care.

[belgo]

the scan certainly helped me to know that it was over, at least physically over.

Take comfort in your dd, and I'm sure you will have another baby at some point.

[MummyMcKT]

Morning gruffalom Am sorry you've found youself here

There are lots of stories on these threads about how miscarriage has gone for others - you might find it helpful to read some of them although there's so much info here it can all be a bit overwhemling. It seems to be such an individual thing and I guess you'll only really know about the bleeding/pain when it's all over for you

Have you had this confirmed? It does sound like things are as you say but I'm not a doctor and wonder if you've looked into attending your local EPAU just to get their advice?

For what it's worth re what to expect (and this is mucho TMI) I spotted for a few days - had very heavy bleeding in the early hours of the morning around day 3 (gushing like a running like a tap and I felt I needed to pee) with mild pain for a few hours. This was followed a few hours later by incredibly painful cramps and passing of a clot (think it was the sac but what would I know). Eased off for a day then some rhythmic pains and passing of placental tissue - it didn't all come out so more of the same the following day and again the day after. Pain and bleeding seems to have pretty much stopped after that although have had occasional spotting and now bit of discharge. Hot water bottle was a godsend. Took co-codamol (sp?) too which the m/w recommended I did regularly regardless of pain to get it into my system. Found gushing horrible when I stood up but m/w reassured me this was normal ie gravity and I found holding my pad close to my bits helped me get to the loo in one piece.

Fingers crossed for you and sending you lots of strength.

[ljg72]

I'm so sorry for your loss, and your continued pain.
I really do know how you are feeling, it happened to me on the 21st of May.
I was about 6 weeks, and bled very heavy for 5-6 days, and then it suddenly stopped.
I would try and rest as much as you can, and keep taking pain relief...but as for emotionally?...well thats totally different.
After my scan, knowing that everything had had gone, I felt slightly better? if that makes sense? knowing there was nothing I could to help/save the pregnancy.
2 weeks later...I'm a little better, but every day is different, just take your time, and do whatever you have to to try and cope with your loss.
Sending you a huge hug XX

[MummyMcKT]

Have read your posts when I was typing.

Agree with other comments about a follow up scan - daunting yesbut you want to be sure you're body has dealt with MC the way it should have.

Thinking about you.

[megonthemoon]

Also I should say, my DS was 19mo at the time so similar in age to your DD. Even though we tried not to cry too much around him, it did affect him in the short term as he knew something was wrong. His sleep was very disrupted for a few weeks and he was very clingy and didn't like to be left by me or DH. But he got over that with lots of love and cuddles and keeping to normal routine, and was back to his normal happy self within 2-3 weeks. So don't be surprised if your DD is affected, but try not to feel guilty about it (I found it the hardest thing in the early weeks actually, knowing the impact it had on DS) as she will bounce back and not remember the sad time.

[Velvetcu]

Ahh gruffalo so sorry you have found yourself among us

Don't worry about holding it together - let it all go.

And keep on talking to us - these ladies on here have got me through the past 2 weeks!

[ljg72]

I totally agree with Velvetcu!...it really helps talking to the ladies on here...x

[EggsandBacon]

Aw gruffalo, you don't have to worry about your post, you've come to exactly the right place. So sorry about what you're going through, mc is so sad at whatever stage it happens.

I agree with everything everyone else has said!!

Physically, it will hopefully not take too long, and a second scan will probably be useful in order to check it's all complete.

Emotionally, it probably took me about 4 months to get near enough to normal, and I'd say that a big part of that was coming on this forum and talking to the ladies who have gone through it too. MN is a lifesaver at times like this.

Thinking of you xx

[hairytriangle]

Gruffalo so sorry you find yourself here. I am just going through what I hope is the end of my first MC (also first pg).

first and foremost, give yourself a break - give yourself time to get over it emotionally and physically.

Do for yourself as much as you can, if you can talk to loved ones, do, if you can't, try the MC society helpline? They are really nice and understanding.

all MC's last for different lengths of time, and unfortutely there is no way to predict how long your symptoms will last.

Make sure you get follow up from the doctor/hospital - to ease your mind about things if you need to.

Take care x

[hairytriangle]

and just wanted to say don't feel bad at all about feeling bad with 'only' your first. I didn't know what the heck was going on, it can be very confusing going through it for the first time.

I found my two scans most helpful in realising it was at an end, and the re-assurance that my womb, ovaries and tubes look ok.

[youremindmeofthebabe]

Hi gruffalo

Not much else to add, but we are all in the same boat here, I hope you can find some strength within that, I certainly have

[julybutterfly]

As someone who's been through a MMC at 9 weeks and a MIMC at 22 weeks due to abnormalities, I don't think your post is insensitive.

I've had friends tell me since losing my 22 week old baby that they feel bad 'moaning' about early miscarriages. However, as I always tell them, as soon as woman sees that +ve on the test we start planning. We look at baby clothes, we look at other women's bumps and imagine us like that, we think of names, we plan our future WITH that baby. No matter how far gone you are when you lose that baby it hurts.

I actually found my 22 week loss easier because I could openly grieve. Only a handful of people knew I was pregnant when I had my early loss so I had to just pretend there was nothing wrong.

It WILL get easier I promise. Nobody can tell you how long your dark days will last - it's different for everyone. But there are a lot of supportive people on these boards who completely understand where you are at the moment.

[fordypops]

I too am going through my first mc, we found out 2 weeks ago today and I didnt know how i was going to get over it but its getting a tincy bit easier everyday, and today i went back to work..i didnt want to and i wanted to come home all day but i stuck it out, i am hoping tomorrow is a little easier but we shall see.

Julybutterfly thats such a perfect way of wording how it is...you're brilliant.

Just give yourself time..and lots of hugs from evryone,they really help xx

[hairytriangle]

Big hugs to everyone here who is suffering or has suffered a miscarriage. It does get better.

Take gentle care.

and well said Julybutterfly and fordypoops

[gruffalomum]

Thank you all so much, I have just been reading through all your kind messages and my eyes are full of tears- but in a good way.

I am so sorry for the losses that you have all experienced. Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone it is comforting to realise that lots of people have been here before and have gone on to be happy and have successful pregnancies.

Thank you all for your advice for dealing with what is happening at the moment,it all makes a lot of sense.

DD has definitely picked up on the unhappy vibes and is very clingy and keeps kissing me. DH has been amazing and although upset himself has been looking after me and staying positive all the time. I am lucky to have them both.

I wanted to write something personal in response to all of you but have dragged myself into work as I have some big meetings in a minute so can't do that now but thank you all so much, you can't know how much you sharing your experiences has helped me. I am so grateful to you for taking the time to post.

Hairytriangle has it right - big hugs to you all.

[hairytriangle]

Gruffalomum and another big hug to you - glad you have found the posts helpful - I really did too, in fact Mumsnet has kept me sane in the last few weeks. So glad you have DH and DD to comfort you.

Take it easy on yourself x