What would you honestly do if you were me?

[Loubilou09]

Very early for me to even be thinking of this but I want honest opinions please. I had my first mc 10 years ago at 12 weeks - it was a mmc as baby had not grown since about 6 weeks. I then had my daughter with no trouble at all 7 years ago. I then had two early miscarriages at around 6 weeks and then fell pregnant with my son who I lost at 23 weeks due to a subchorionic haemotoma. After last time consultant told me it was extremely bad luck and no reason for me not to try again but I am high risk because I am now 40 and have had high blood pressure since delivering my son. On my 40th birthday I got the wonderful present of falling pregnant again, have had three early scans and all going swimmingly until miscarrying again at 12+3 today. Thankfully I didn't tell my daughter she might be a big brother or sister so have saved ourselves that heartache. So would you try again? Assuming consultant says it is fine to or would you give up and accept life with just the one child? It took us 2 years to conceive this time so I might even fall pregnant again however I said to my husband when I fell pregnant this time that whatever the outcome I would call it a day but now that that day has come I am just not sure.....I feel so selfish to consider it as I nearly died with my son and put my family through hell plus this time I have spent the last six weeks suffering with m/s that my daughter is getting really concerned as to why I am allways unwell. Honest opinions please, thank you

[NOTHEROLDIE]

I say go for it. You are NOT selfish wanting children, desperately wanting them. You will never regret having children, but I think you would regret NOT trying to have them. I know I would. I lost my baby a few weeks ago, had an ERPC on fri. I am 41 and we will definitly try again. I know it gets harder the older you get but don't give up because others may disapprove.
I say if it happens , it happens, if not then it wasnt meant to be and I will accept that. Don't get too hung up each month if it hasnt happened just enjoy trying!
Have faith, and Good Luck. All the best.

[moomaa]

I've not been in a similiar situation but wanted to reply to give you a breadth of opinions and say even though it's a hard situation for your family I would try again. I hope everything works out well for you.

[FabIsGoingToGetFit]

I am so sorry for you.

I can kind of see all sides as I have had miscarriages but it helps that my last pregnancy ended in a live baby rather than my miscarriage being the last one. I also can't have anymore as I nearly lost my baby and my life last time.

I think you could give yourself a time scale to try again and see what happens.

[Pancakeflipper]

if you can take the heartache then your heart is obviously telling you to try again. Do what you know will give you the least regrets.

But please do not make this overshadow your daughters childhood. Although it's not true she could believe she's not enough/ not good enough... Little minds see things different to adults.

Lots of luck for the future. I think you are brave in whatever you do.

[hairytriangle]

Hi, personally (as a childless 42 year old) i'd probably call it a day, and be thankful for the one i had. however, I am probably not at all qualified to advise, as I really want a child - (I'd love two but one would be such a gift). What swings it for me is your health problems, i wouldn't risk it.

[DomesticG0ddess]

After what you have been through/are going through my first response is to say accept what you have and get on with enjoying your life and your family. However, I am not in your position so it is easy to say that, and I think you know deep down whether or not you can stop while there is still a chance a healthy baby will happen for you. I had a mc earlier this year (I have one DS) already, and have been fraught throughout this current pg so far, and have asked myself how many times would I go through it in order to have another baby, because of the impact it had on me, DH and DS. Do you have any medical opinions or any tests for something recurrent? Only you know when you can't go through it again and it sounds like you still have the strength to do it again. I think you and DH have to be totally in it together though.

[kissmummy]

hi loubielou i'd just like to make one point really, which is that the immediate aftermath of a miscarriage is a really bad time to make big decisions of any kind, never mind something as important as this. you won't be thinking straight - how could you be? so sorry to hear what you're going through - a MC at 12 weeks when everything was looking good must be such a shock.
i've had four miscarriages in a row. what i've learned from the whole miserable process is that the way you feel, say, four months after the miscarriage, is very different to the way you feel on the day it happens, and in the first few weeks afterwards. you sound exactly like me - trying to make plans immediately. i know it's a kind of therapy to have A Plan. it's what i always do. but if you can possibly manage it, try to leave this issue for a couple of months at least - i know the clock is ticking etc, but a couple of months won't make too much difference physically but may well change your perspective emotionally.