How long did you take off work?

[ClaireDeLoon]

I ask because I don't think I can face going back to work yet at all. I had heavy bleeding last Tuesday night so was off Weds, Thurs and Friday of last week and the mc was confirmed by a scan on Friday. But I haven't actually mc'd yet iyswim and tbh I'm scared to go to work in case it all starts there, plus I don't think I can handle the pregnant people or the colleagues with pregnant wives etc.

I took a week off with my first mc and just a day or two with my second but now I just don't think I can cope with work, I just keep crying all the time.

[BumpandEm]

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you have had a really rough time. I totally understand that you fear the loss will happen at work and this seems very reasonable. I would suggest you go to your doctor as i'm sure they would be able to give you a 2 week sick note so that you can deal with this properly. You need time and care, don't try and rush back into things as you are going through something very physically and emotionally draining.

My thoughts are with you. Take care. xxx

[NIMUM2]

Sorry to hear of your loss, I M/c in Feb and elected for a D&C , just didnt want to wait around for it to happen. I had a D&C on the wed and back in work on Monday, shouted at by the Doc but i think it helped, people can be really supportive and surprisingly how many people you find out that has been in a similar situation. I guess its different for everyone so you always know whats best for you. x

[Northernlurker]

Some people seem to just need a day or two and for others it's much longer. You need to do what's right for you. I certainly don't think you should go back atm when you may be having pain and more bleeding. You need to wait till you stop crying all the time as well. That's a perfectly reasonable part of your grief and there is no need at all for you to be exposed to the pressures of work whilst you feel so raw. I hope things start to ease a bit for you soon.

[tinywelsh]

Personally, I mc'd on Wed and was back in the next Mon, I would have been back sooner if manager had let me. Everything had been going on for a while (scans, amnio, etc) and I just needed to get back to normal.
Your doc should be able to sign you off for as long as you need to get back on your feet and any half decent human manager wouldn't drag you back to work until you were ready.

[MummyMcKT]

Am so sorry you're going through this again Claire

I feel slightly embarrassed writing this although I suppose as others have said everyone is different and it's about doing what's right for yourself.

When I found out I'd MMC our twins I went to my GP. She immediately signed me off for three weeks. I ended up choosing conservative management of my MC and passed the twins just before my sick line expired. I was due for a follow up scan at the EPAU at the end of that week so returned to my GP - she signed me off for a further two weeks.

Today's probably the first day I'm thinking I could probably go back to work. I'm not a slacker but I'm intending to stay off till my line runs out (although my GP said she'd be more than happy to extend it if I felt I needed more - mental - time to heal). I'm feeling stronger daily but had bleeding on/off last week and am ab knackered.

There are lots of reasons why I feel the time off has been the right thing for me - I'm incredibly disenchanted with my work at the moment and have been trying to move for nearly three years now. That makes me feel so shit that it's a struggle most days to go there. I work in a very small team too and although every single one of them has experienced some sort of pregnancy loss there also seems to be a bit of a "my loss was much worse than yours" mentality going on (or maybe its just my delusional brain that thinks that) that I just can't deal with at the moment.

We've chosen to cremate our twins too (and I'll continue to refer to them as that even though I saw nothing that was recognisable "baby" when they passed) at the end of this week. It feels right to be off till that's over.

I'm dreading going back to be honest. I think that's both to do with how I feel about work in general and the fact I'm no longer pregnant I don't feel I have a happy focus. Maybe getting right back to RL might've been a better way of coping - who knows?

Do what feels right for you. Just because it's a different way than you dealt with your first and second MC doesn't make it wrong. I really hope this is your last bad luck and you get some positive sticky bean news in the future.

[hairytriangle]

Claire I think from what you've posted it's way to soon to be even thinking about getting back to work.

I had an early MC (partial) about six weeks ago and took a week off work then, and then 13 days ago a second bleed (which has still not stopped) I took all of last week off (and got a sick note for it) and today the doctor has given me a 'gradual return' note, so I'm doing a couple of hours each day for the next fortnight, with a couple of days in between.

I really think you need to give yourself plenty of time both emotionally and physically - I know I have been physically extremely tired through all of this, and the emotions we feel at a time like this are very difficult.

DON'T rush back to work because you 'think you ought to'.

BTW: doctors now give 'fit notes' rather than 'sick notes' - they can still sign you off as not fit to work, but they can also give you a note to say you can only go back part time, or on a phased basis etc too, which is probably really helpful in your circumstances.

Take gentle care of yourself and I do hope you will take it easy on yourself, hon. x

[ClaireDeLoon]

Thank you all for advice, have emailed my head of department and said I won't be in for at least a few days, he was OK just said to let him know when I might be back in due course. I did tell him about my first mc and he was very understanding so I know if I have to explain he will be OK with me. And I'm seeing my GP next week so can get a 'sick' note then although technically not required as I'm actually self employed so not covered by employment legislation.

[hairytriangle]

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) to Clairedeloon

You've done the right thing - go back only when you are ready, treat yourself with gentle care and listen to your body!

x

[emptyshell]

I took a grand total of a day off - but I don't work, I don't get paid and I spent that day doing another marking contract working from home.

Strangely I found being in front of a really difficult class a nice distraction - I can act normally if I've got my work head on, rather than falling apart.

[hairytriangle]

empty yeah, Im like that - work is a good distraction if you feel up to it, but not if you don't , I guess. Lst week was hard for me having nothing to do except watch telly (and check the odd work email) but it did me a lot of good.

[ShazGJ]

The m/w at the EPU gave me some good advice which I have followed. She said to try to drop in and visit work before u start back so that it gets everyone asking if u r ok etc out of the way. I had erpc last mon still a bit sore now but popped into work yesterday caught up on gossip etc and now feel confident and comfortable with going back full time from next Monday. It even helped chatting to work colleagues but suppose it depends how supportive they are.